Archive for winterspring

The Tao of Ji Firepaw

Posted in General, Transcripts with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 14, 2014 by Garrosh Hellscream

orgrimmar4

So since that last little…discovery…Liadrin’s been buzzing around Orgrimmar, helping with the relocated refugees.  At least as far as the world at large can see.  Most of the new arrivals have settled in pretty well.  A few are pretty eager for some payback against the Alliance, in fact, so we’ve even gotten a few new recruits out of the deal.

Mostly, though, she’s been helping Shayari get adjusted.  Ordinarily, I wouldn’t be too keen on a blood elf taking up the job of teaching someone what it means to be Horde, but I’ve worked with Liadrin enough to know she’s got a pretty good head on her shoulders.  Plus Shayari already seems to be on decent enough terms with her, so she’s probably going to be more comfortable with Liadrin than she would with some other random person.

Meanwhile, I had a meeting this morning with Krog, who was reporting on a few investigations he was working on while I was in Pandaria.  What he found ended up prompting me to schedule another impromptu meeting this afternoon.

Kicking it over to Tak’s record…

 

(Yay!  I get to be Mr. Warchief’s scribe again!  Mr. Warchief looked super serious, so I guess this was a big important meeting.  Ms. Ben-Lin Panda Lady was there, and so was Mr. Krog, another orc I don’t know too well.  I’m sure he’s nice, though!  Mr. Warchief must have a hard job if he needs so many people to help him!  I hope I do okay!

Mr. Malkorok came in at the start of the meeting, but he only stayed for a minute.  He didn’t look very happy, though.  He should smile more!  I bet he wouldn’t be so grumpy then.  He brought Mr. Goblin and Mr. Ji Panda Man with him.  I think maybe their feet were sore, because Mr. Malkorok was carrying them by their collars.  That’s nice of him!  Maybe he’s starting to be nicer!)

MALKOROK – Here they are, Warchief.  Let me know if they cause you any…difficulty.  (flinging Spazzle and Ji into the room)  I’ll be only too happy to use less of a soft touch to show them out.

(I guess not.  He seems so mean sometimes.  I don’t understand why.  =(  )

GARROSH – That’ll be all for now, Malk.  I’ll check in with you later.

MALKOROK – Yes, sir.  If you’ll excuse me, then, I have a few matters to see to with the provisioners.

(Mr. Malkorok left.  Yay!)

SPAZZLE(rubbing his head)  So… um… what’s going on, boss?  You know if you wanted to see me, you could have just shot me an IM, or—

GARROSH – Yeah, well, I wanted to make sure you got over here without any extra stops along the way.

JI – Oh.  Um… is it a surprise party or something?

(Ooh is it?  I love parties!  Yay!)

GARROSH – Oh, there’ve been some surprises, all right.

JI – Is there cake?

SPAZZLE – Ji…

GARROSH – But this is no party.

(Oh.  =(  )

SPAZZLE – So… what’s up, boss?

(Mr. Warchief looked back at Mr. Krog and Ms. Ben-Lin-Lin.  Then he turned back and stared at Mr. Goblin and Mr. Ji for a minute.  He looked really angry – I wish he wouldn’t get so upset!)

GARROSH – Did you really think I wasn’t going to find out?

SPAZZLE(blinking)  Um…?

JI – I don’t think I underst—

GARROSH – YOU keep quiet, Paddington.  I’ll get to you.  (turning back to Spazzle)  Now then.  Back to you.

SPAZZLE – Uh… okay…

GARROSH – See, I’ve had Krog here looking into a few security matters while I’ve been away.  And, oh man, did he ever have an earful for me this morning.

SPAZZLE – Oh…  So, um… what was Krog… uh… looking into, chie—

GARROSH- Don’t sit there and act like you don’t already know, dammit.  Don’t insult my intelligence on top of everything else.

(Mr. Goblin started looking really nervous.)

GARROSH(pointing to Ji)  Now, THIS one I could understand, because seriously, who knows WHAT Stuffed-With-Fluff here is thinking any given day.  But YOU?  You’re the last one of ANY of these clowns I would have expected to go sneaking around behind my back.

SPAZZLE – I… sneaking around…  (eyes going wide)  Oh… oh frak

GARROSH – OH FRAK IS RIGHT, whatever the fuck it means.  Did you SERIOUSLY think I wasn’t going to find out you were getting mixed up in this Mokvar business?

SPAZZLE – I swear, boss, I only ever talked to Vol—V—ohlOh.  Oh!  Oh…yeah.  The Mokvar business!  Right.  That’s…that’s what I’ve been doing, all right.  Red-handed, yes sir.  That is indeed the entirety of my suspect behavior, absolutely.  Don’t, um, don’t know what I was thinking, chief!  (slapping his own hand repeatedly)  Bad!  Bad Spazzle!

GARROSH – Dude, seriously, you are so fucking weird sometimes.

(Everyone’s so upset today!  It makes me sad.  =(  )

JI – Garrosh, you shouldn’t be angry with Spazzle.  I was the one that—

GARROSH – Believe me, Deep-Dish, there’s PLENTY of blame to go around.  From what I can tell, you’ve BOTH been keeping plenty busy.  MATTER OF FACT – Krog, you wanna give them the short version before they start getting a case of patchwork memory?

KROG – Yes, sir.  (flipping through a note pad)  Shortly after Eitrigg banished Mokvar

GARROSH – Only good move the old prune made while I was away, by the way.

KROG – …Fizzletrinket was observed meeting with Mokvar and the human Deliana in Everlook, Winterspring.

SPAZZLE – Wait, how did you trail me to Everlook?

KROG – I’m a rogue.  Work it out.

SPAZZLE – But why were you observing me?

KROG – I observe everyone.

GARROSH – He’s very thorough.

SPAZZLE – But I hadn’t done anything—

GARROSH – Until you did?

KROG – To continue…  (flipping through pad again)  No unusual behavior observed until some weeks later.  A short time after the purge of Dalaran, Fizzletrinket is known to have reached out to Earthen Ring contacts in and around Orgrimmar.  Shortly thereafter, Firepaw observed traveling to Earthen Ring outpost in Twilight Highlands.  Subsequent investigation indicated Firepaw had approached Earthen Ring elders concerning locating Mokvar.

GARROSH – So.  Here’s where one of you starts talking.  I don’t really care which one.

(Mr. Goblin and Mr. Ji stared at the floor.  Maybe they didn’t hear Mr. Warchief?  Oh, or did someone drop something?)

GARROSH – Okay then.  How about this.  Why weeks of nothing, then all of a sudden you jump into Mokvar mode?  Was it a signal?  Some message he got to you somehow, maybe something you planned for at your little get-together in Winterspring?

JI – We haven’t heard anything from Mokvar, no…

GARROSH – I know he gave you something, Greenie.  Some— what was it, Krog?

KROG – A small parcel, sir.  Delivered to Fizzletrinket in Everlook.  I wasn’t able to confirm what it was exactly.

GARROSH – Yeah.  So…was that part of it?  Or is it some other surprise I get to look forward to?

SPAZZLE – It… it was a totem.

GARROSH – Go on.

SPAZZLE – It’s called a recall totem.  Shamans attune themselves to them so they can teleport back home with their Astral Recall spell.

GARROSH – And Mokvar was giving it to you because…?

SPAZZLE – So… when this was all over…he could bring himself home.

GARROSH – Oh, so you mean, back home to the place he got himself BANISHED from?  And you just went right ahead and helped him set up to pop back into town and do spirits-knows-what he’s planning?

SPAZZLE – It doesn’t really matter at this point…

JI – You don’t know that.

GARROSH – What the hell does that mean?

SPAZZLE – The totem… the totem went out.  It fizzled out.  The spirit link between Mokvar and the totem was broken, and the only reason that would happen is if Mokvar was dead.  Like, for-real dead.

JI – We still can’t be sure.

SPAZZLE – You only say that because you’re not a shaman.  You don’t understand.

JI – I say it because I’m not a pessimist.

SPAZZLE – Anyway.  That’s…that’s why we were trying to reach the Earthen Ring.  To see if there was any way to find out for sure what happened to Mokvar.

GARROSH – You just said he’s dead.  What else is there to know?

SPAZZLE(shrugging)  I don’t know.

GARROSH – Huh.  Dead.  (thinks)  Good then.  Best news I’ve heard all day.

BEN-LIN – Garrosh, please—

GARROSH – Not now, Ben.

BEN-LIN – If he is indeed gone, there is nothing to be gained from—

GARROSH – Ben, CAN it.  So.  You two.  Why?

SPAZZLE(staring down)  I guess I just wanted to believe there was a reason for all the weird things he was doing.

BEN-LIN – Garrosh, it does not appear there was really any harm in—

GARROSH – DAMMIT, BEN, STOP ACTING LIKE MOKVAR WAS SOME POOR INNOCENT VICTIM!  I still don’t understand half the shit he was doing, but I don’t need to.  Dealing with some human, with that Neeru Fireblade…most of all cutting some kind of deal with MAGATHA.  You haven’t been around that long, Ben, so I don’t expect you to have any idea what that MEANS—

BEN-LIN – I understand your anger, Garrosh.  But what Ji and Spazzle have done—

GARROSH – IS THE SAME DAMN THING.  (glaring back at Spazzle and Ji)  Listen… I can deal with the bitching from Baine.  And I can take it from Lorthe’motherfucker, because what else would I expect from him?  And I can take it from Sylvanas, because let’s face it, she’s kind of evil anyway.  They come with the job.  I inherited them.  But THEM… Spazzle and Mokvar… I CHOSE them.  I fucking LET THEM IN.  And now—

BEN-LIN – And now you feel betrayed and angry.  I understand.

GARROSH – Is this where you give me one of your speeches about pushing the anger down and burying it, or some shit?

BEN-LIN – Not at all.  Your emotions are real and valid.  They cannot be contained and ignored, or they will only fester; they must be let out, and dealt with.

GARROSH – Listen, you’re here to help me try to talk sense to Double Stuff over there, not to start fortune cookie-ing on me.

SPAZZLE – Look, chief, I get why you’re mad, and I’m sorry…

JI – I’m not.

GARROSH(blinking)  Excuse me?

BEN-LIN(facepawing)  And here we go.

JI – I’m not sorry.  Mokvar is my friend.  He’s your friend, too.  I don’t know why you’ve chosen to forget that, but I don’t regret trying to help him.

GARROSH – Lunchbox, maybe you just haven’t been paying attention to what the fuck’s been going on, or maybe it all just slipped out of your damn head, what with all the bacon fat you’ve got up there apparently—

SPAZZLE – Whew, and I thought I was in trouble up to a minute ago.

GARROSH – …but I tried to help Mokvar too, when all the weird crap started happening.  I tried to PROTECT him – and he thanked me by running around with at least two and maybe three or four of enemies.  If he was such a great friend, you want to explain to me why he’d be dealing with the likes of Magatha?  Riddle me THAT one, Pudge.

JI – I don’t know.

GARROSH – Yeah, so—

JI – That doesn’t mean he had no reasons for doing what he did.  It only means we don’t know what those reasons were.  Until I find out, why should I assume the worst?

GARROSH – Because you’ve got an ounce of sense in your head?  OH WAIT, APPARENTLY YOU DON’T.

JI – Garrosh, I don’t know all of what Mokvar was doing, but I know he’s a good man.  So whatever he’s done, I’m willing to trust it was what he needed to do.

GARROSH – Yeah, well, that’s great, Second-Serving, but you know what?  Some of us have to live in fucking REALITY-LAND.

JI – Garrosh—

GARROSH – Seriously, Ben, do you hear this shit?

BEN-LIN – I do.

GARROSH – I don’t know where he gets this crap.

BEN-LIN – We study it, sir.

GARROSH – Yeah, well— what?

BEN-LIN – Consider, Garrosh: I know – well, I suspect – you are already familiar with the Huojin philosophy of action, that challenges are to be faced directly and decisively.

GARROSH – Yeah, I remember one of you people yammering about that when you first got here.

JI – That was me.

GARROSH – It was?

JI – Yes, sir.  Right before you made us fight an arena full of monsters.

GARROSH – Ah.  Well then.

BEN-LIN – And while we hold to this ideal of decisive action, Garrosh, another key component for us is that those actions be based upon the world as it is, not as the world as we might wish it to be.

JI – Otherwise, you expend your energy trying to force square pegs into round holes, then raging at the pegs for not fitting.

BEN-LIN – It is a point I have tried to make with you before, Garrosh.  Much of your anger, I feel, stems from insisting of the world, “This is not supposed to be happening this way,” then attempting to force it to happen some other way.

GARROSH – Funny, I feel pretty sure it stems from the fact that I’m surrounded by TRAITORS AND FUCKING MORONS.

KROG – Um…

GARROSH – Not you, K.

BEN-LIN – “Traitors and morons,” as you put it—

GARROSH – FUCKING morons.  Not just garden variety.

BEN-LIN – …being a perception, you see, grounded on the insistence that those people’s choices and intellects should be something other than they are.

GARROSH – I… erm… what the FUCK does any of this have to do with fucking ANYTHING?  I don’t even know what we’re fucking TALKING about!

JI – It’s not that complicated, Garrosh.  Things happen in the right way, at the right time – when you let them, rather than struggling against them.  Mokvar needed to act.  So he followed the path that the world placed before him.  Just as I, faced with a friend in danger, acted by following the path that was available to me.

BEN-LIN – According to Huojin, the greatest wrong would be not to act.

GARROSH – Oh for fuck’s sake… Well, whatever, Heaping-Helping, your “paths” or whatever have reached a dead end.

JI – Actually, I’d wanted to ask you, I was thinking—

GARROSH – Well DON’T.  DON’T think.  Just do what you’re fucking told for once.  Starting with parking yourself at home and staying there.  (turning to Krog)  Krog – escort Stay-Puft here back to his house, and make sure he stays there.  I’ll have a guard sent over to keep an eye on the door.

KROG – Yes, sir.

GARROSH – Consider yourself under house arrest until I decide what to do with you.

JI – But I think there still might be a—

GARROSH – THERE’S NOT.  THE END.  Now GO.

JI – If you say so, Garrosh.  Time will tell, I suppose…

(Mr. Krog left with Mr. Ji.  I’m confused.  Everybody seems so upset and nervous and they’re yelling and arguing and nobody seems to be getting along even though we’re all friends and I don’t understand why.  It gives me sad kitty face.  =(  )

SPAZZLE – Really, chief, try not to be too hard on him.  He’s just been worried since Mokvar disappeared, and—

GARROSH – Why are you talking like you’re off the hook now yourself?

SPAZZLE – Um…

GARROSH – You can count yourself lucky that, far as I can see, you’ve mostly just been the messenger in all this.  And BOTH of you are lucky Mokvar’s gone to the big rez timer in the sky, otherwise I wouldn’t be nearly so generous with either one of you.  But you, Short Stack, you can consider yourself under house arrest too while I cool down.  Just so happens, I’m not so worried about you trying to skip town before I post the guard.

SPAZZLE – Uh…yeah, okay, chief… I guess I can keep myself busy online for a while, while you…you know…think things over.

GARROSH – I mean, seriously, with all the time you spend on Earth Online, you’ve practically been on self-imposed house arrest almost the whole time I’ve known you.  You’ll live.

BEN-LIN – I think it is wise that you are not rushing to a decision with angry, Garrosh.

GARROSH – Yeah, whatever, Ben.  Anyway, Spazzle, you get your tail back home pronto.  I need to go track down Faranell and see if he’s finished those tests on Shayari yet.

BEN-LIN – Shayari?

SPAZZLE – Yeah, she’s…  (stopping himself, looking to Garrosh)  Um, that is…

GARROSH(shrugging)  Whatever, I’d end up telling her anyway.  Shayari’s my daughter.  We think.

BEN-LIN – Your… you have a daughter, Garrosh?

SPAZZLE – It’s okay if you need to sit down.  I did at first.

GARROSH – Yeah, we think so.  Faranell’s doing his tests now, but her story seems to check out.

BEN-LIN – I see.  (thinking)  Well then.  I will clear my schedule for the next week.

GARROSH – Turns out, she was born back in Nagrand when I was like eighteen, only I never knew about her until just a few days ago.

BEN-LIN – So…you have a long-lost, newfound…teenage daughter?

GARROSH – Yeah.

BEN-LIN – Very well.  The next two weeks.

SPAZZLE – You haven’t heard the best part yet.

BEN-LIN – Oh dear.

GARROSH – Uh, yeah, she’s…kind of…well, her mother was draenei.  Shayari was living with the Alliance in Dalaran until, you know, the shit hit the fan and Jaina kicked her out…

BEN-LIN – A month.  One month, but that is as far as I can go.

GARROSH – Anyhow.  I need to go find the doc.  Might as well get this confirmed, as if there’s any doubt left at this point, what with how Mortimer is doting over her.  I’ll expect you back at your house before the guard gets there.  Don’t make me come looking for you, Greenie.

(Mr. Warchief left, still grumbling a little.)

BEN-LIN – A daughter… why that is… How old did you say she is?

SPAZZLE – Seventeen, I think.

BEN-LIN – Goodness, that is…that is simply remarkable!  And he had no idea until now?

SPAZZLE – You wouldn’t ask that if you’d seen the shade of gray he turned when he found out.

BEN-LIN – My word… This is astounding!  Garrosh reunited with an unknown daughter, from across faction lines!  I scarcely have words for it!

SPAZZLE – Huh.  You know, not for anything, but you seem really jazzed about this.

BEN-LIN – Are you kidding?  (beaming)  This is going to put my grandchildren through college.

 

 

[A quick update on the Transmogs for Shayari contest!  First of all, thank you to the many readers who have already sent in outfits for Shay – they’ve been great so far, so keep them coming!  I just wanted to correct an error that I noticed in the original announcement: I had listed the deadline for the contest as Saturday, February 27.  This is problematic, in that February 27 is not a Saturday.  Don’t ask me what happened there.  I was probably having another one of my many episodes.  At any rate, I figure I may as well err on the side of giving people more time rather than less, so let’s revise the due date to the next Saturday after the 27th, which would be March 1.

I think.  Hang on.

<checks calendar all paranoid-like>

Yes, there we go.  So, officially: the deadline for the Transmogs for Shay contest is SATURDAY, MARCH 1!  Get thee to mogging!]

Demon’s Bargain

Posted in Words from a Scribe with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 28, 2013 by Garrosh Hellscream

cleft

After the dead end in Winterspring, I mentioned that I still had one more possible stone to turn over.  It’s not one I particularly wanted to turn over, considering who I’d be finding under it, but at this point I don’t really have the luxury of wasting time and hoping something else falls into my lap.  So yesterday, I took a walk down to the Cleft of Shadow to have a talk with Neeru Fireblade.

I had known Neeru a little when I had first started training as a warlock, but since moving to Orgrimmar and changing to shamanism, I hadn’t had contact with him beyond occasionally passing on the street.  I’d always avoided the Cleft of Shadow; after Thrall gave me sanctuary in Orgrimmar, the last thing I wanted was to be caught anywhere near the fel magic of the warlocks.  Now, after years of avoiding the place, I couldn’t help but feel a little uneasy just from purple light that illuminated the cavern as I made my way down.

 

Neeru Fireblade channels a spell while Mokvar approaches.

MOKVAR:  Neeru.

NEERU:  <looking at Mokvar over his shoulder>  Mokvar.  Just a moment.

Neeru finishes channeling.  Small flames burst from a large windroc carcass that sits on a nearby table, then flicker out after a moment.  Neeru turns to Mokvar and points to the sizzling fowl with a smirk.

Undercooked.

MOKVAR:  What do you do if it needs salt?

NEERU:  Count myself lucky that I didn’t make a larger mess of the preparation than that.  I’m hardly a chef.

Neeru sits down at the table.

I hope you don’t mind if I go ahead with dinner.

He gestures to a second chair across from him; Mokvar sits.

It’s been a long time, Mokvar.  In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you venture down this way.  What brings you to the land invocations and mediocre cuisine?

MOKVAR:  I’m looking for information, and I think you may be on the short list of people who might have it.

NEERU:  <gnawing on a leg from the roasted windroc>  I’m hardly a person in the know these days, but ask away.

MOKVAR:  The Nether Prism.

Neeru pulls the drumstick away from his face slowly and looks up.

NEERUWell now.  What have you gotten yourself into, Mokvar?

MOKVAR:  More a matter of what I’m trying to get myself out of.

NEERU:  All the more interesting, then.  I haven’t heard talk of that particular bauble in an age.

MOKVAR:  I wish I could say the same.

NEERU:  <eyes Mokvar closely>  The last I heard of the Prism, it was in the hands – or claws, I suppose – of that drakonid Valthalak.

MOKVAR:  That was years ago.  After that, it made its was to an imp named Vi’el, in Darkwhisper Gorge.

NEERU:  If you’re interested in the Prism, why don’t you go seek out the imp, then?

MOKVAR:  I did.  He’s dead.  What became of the Prism from that point is anyone’s guess.

NEERU:  Really now.  And how did you happen to know about this imp in the first place?

MOKVAR:  Let’s just say it took a roundabout path getting from Blackrock Spire to the imp.

Neeru leans back in his seat and folds his arms.

NEERU:  You?  You mean to tell me, Mokvar, that a relic as potent as the Nether Prism managed to change hands from Gul’dan all the way down to the likes of you?

MOKVAR:  When you’re starting with Gul’dan, I don’t know if “down” is the right word.

NEERU:  <chuckling and picking up the windroc leg again>  Well well, Mokvar…you say you came to me for information, but it seems I’m learning a fair bit more from you.

MOKVAR:  I think you know more than you let on.

Mokvar leans forward and drums his fingers on the table.

Then again, so do I.

Mokvar glances around at the other warlocks practicing invocations.

How many of them will it take?

NEERU:  <mouth half full of windroc meat>  Take?  For what?

Mokvar leans closer to the table.

MOKVAR:  To channel your targeting beacon for the demons.

Neeru drops the windroc leg on his plate and looks up.

How many warlocks?  How many of your collagues…in the Burning Blade?

NEERU:  The Burning Blade died with the last vestiges of the old Horde.  Anyone will tell you I cut my ties with them when I pledged my loyalties to Thrall.

MOKVAR:  <nods>  Of course.

Neeru starts to reach for his food again.

Are you waiting for a signal from any agent of the Legion, or are you on hold for Malchezaar specifically?  You might be waiting a while if it’s the second one.

NEERU:  I don’t know where you’re getting these fairy tales, Mokvar, but—

MOKVAR:  You know, it’s a funny thing.  Grom Hellscream died slaying Mannoroth and freeing our people.  Now his son walks around wearing the demon’s tusks, and sits on a throne carved out of its skull.  It would be a shame if the Warchief got the notion that someone in Orgrimmar was still cooking up something with the Legion.

NEERU:  <waving toward Ragefire Chasm>  If you really think Garrosh is above cutting ethical corners for the sake of—

MOKVAR:  If you’d like to roll the dice on how Garrosh would react, be my guest.  It’s not my neck at stake.

Neeru stares down at his food.

NEERU:  I wasn’t lying when I said I don’t know what’s become of the Nether Prism.

MOKVAR:  But?

NEERU:  But if I were to hazard a guess as to where it might have gone…after the imp…  <glances around furtively>  There have been…rumblings among the warlocks since the fall of Deathwing.  It started when the human Kanrethad reconvened his circle of fel masters, the same ones who had worked to expand the powers of the warlocks before the Cataclysm.

MOKVAR:  I’d heard about that much – the Council of the Black Harvest, isn’t it?

NEERU:  <nods>  Our own Ritssyn from here in Orgrimmar was among them.

MOKVAR:  What are they doing?

NEERU:  Running around on fool’s errands all over the world – and beyond – to seek out even greater sources of power for themselves.  That Kanrethad thinks he can build a coven of the mightiest warlocks in existence and position himself at its head.

MOKVAR:  You don’t think they’ll be able to do it?

NEERU:  I think that when you set out with a plan of “Let’s go make ourselves more powerful than anyone ever,” you find either disaster or a far heftier price than you’d counted on.

Mokvar nods.

Nevertheless.  If the Black Harvest are trying to consolidate their power, I’d hazard a guess that the Nether Prism would be just the sort of item that would interest them.

MOKVAR:  Do you know what’s become of Ritssyn?

NEERU:  I believe he and one of the others made their way off to the Firelands.  For all the good that will do you.

MOKVAR:  What’s that supposed to mean?

NEERU:  Mokvar, don’t you be a fool too.  You can’t seriously expect that the Black Harvest would talk to you.

MOKVAR:  I think I’ve already shown I can be pretty persuasive.

NEERU:  <chuckles>  Mokvar, don’t be naïve.  You’re hardly one of the movers and shakers of the world, I’ll grant, but surely you can’t believe that you’re not noticed.  Standing for all those years in Thrall’s council room.  Attending advisors’ meetings with the leaders of the Horde.  Hellscream’s personal scribe.  Never mind the fact that they’ll know you were a warlock yourself once before you decided you didn’t want to dirty your hands with the fel arts any longer.  Do you really think they’ll be willing to tell you anything?

MOKVAR:  I guess I’ll have to figure out a way to be very persuasive.

NEERU:  Assuming you can ever find them.

MOKVAR:  We’ll see.  <getting up>  Anyway, I suppose I got what I came for, or as close to it as I’m going to.  Enjoy your dinner, Neeru.

Mokvar turns to walk away.

NEERU:  Mokvar.

Mokvar stops and looks back.

How did you know?

MOKVAR:  How did I know what?

NEERU:  Don’t play games with me.  You know perfectly well what I’m talking about.

Mokvar grins.

MOKVAR:  Let’s just say I get around.

 

I left Neeru and made my way out of the Cleft of Shadow, mostly preoccupied with how I was going to track down the Council of the Black Harvest.  I was so caught up in my thoughts that I didn’t notice the light go dimmer than it should have as I went up the last bend of the cavern.  That’s when two spectral assassins appeared out of nowhere and attacked me.

I fought them off as best I could for a minute, but my shocks and chain lightnings aren’t nearly as potent as a shaman who’s been training at it his whole life.  They were quickly gaining the upper hand when Garona unstealthed behind them and had at both of them with a flurry of blades that was faster than my eyes could follow.  It bears noting, by the way: Garona’s no joke in combat.  I hadn’t really noticed before.  Those spectral assassins dropped fast.  While she resheathed her weapons, I tried to come up with something to say without much success.

 

MOKVAR:  Garona…I…

GARONA:  Garrosh knows what you’re doing.  I hope you do, too.

MOKVAR:  Then why…?

GARONA:  Before he left for Pandaria, he asked me to look out for you.  Until he tells me otherwise, that’s what I’m going to do.

MOKVAR:  Well…thanks…

GARONA:  Don’t.  You know that if he tells me kill you, I’ll have to.

Mokvar nods and starts to turn to go.

Don’t give him a reason to.

Garona stealths.

 

I think it’s safe to assume that pretty soon Garrosh will be getting a letter informing him that I went to see Neeru Fireblade.  I don’t figure that’s going to do a whole lot to improve his mood any.  Still, he’s having Garona go on protecting me, for now at least.  And with these two assassins down, chances are I’ve got a couple days before I have to worry about the next wave coming for me.

Still, I don’t have the luxury of a lot of time.  I have a new lead to follow, and it needs to lead somewhere quickly.

 

Mokvar

 

 

[Header image provided by Khizzara from Blog of the Treant, used here with permission and many thanks.]

Moving on to Plan B

Posted in Words from a Scribe with tags , , , , , , on January 25, 2013 by Garrosh Hellscream

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This package arrived for me a few days ago through Grommash Hold – I guess as a guest blogger these days I’m in the mailbag business myself.

 

This package is addressed to:

Mokvar
c/o Garrosh Hellscream, Warchief
Grommash Hold, Orgrimmar
Kalimdor, Azeroth

It arrives looking quite a bit the worse for wear.  Its sides are battered and one corner has been entirely crushed in.  The brown paper wrapping has been dirtied and torn but the numerous postmarks stamped on it are still legible.  Although it seems to have originated in Orgrimmar it appears to have been mysteriously routed through Ratchet, Booty Bay, Grom’gol Base Camp, Brill and finally back to Orgrimmar.

Inside the box is a large variety of random items in various states of disrepair: A partial stack of 14 Ankhs; a rabbit’s foot with several patches of fur missing; a small glass vial labeled “MOJO” in carefully penned block letters; a rather larger glass bottle labeled “TROLL SWEAT” in the same handwriting; a well-loved toy teddy bear; partial stacks of mageweave, frostweave and windwool bandages; 3 minor health potions and a large bag of crumbs which might be the remains of several dozen chocolate cookies.

At the very bottom of the box is a scrap of parchment which reads:

Mokvar,

How you doin’, mon?  I hear you been injured somewhat and even killed!  Good t’ing it didn’t take dis time.  We shaman gotta stick together, so here are some t’ings to help you feel better soon.

Take care and watch yer back, mon.

–Kaeliss, Valley of the Spirits, Orgrimmar

Thanks, Kaeliss.  I appreciate the gesture.  Somehow I get the feeling that I might need all that stuff in the days ahead.  (Although, what’s up with the troll sweat?  I’ve never really understood why you guys bottle that stuff.)

So, speaking of which…and speaking of the mail… There’s good news and there’s bad news.

The good news is that since I, you know, read this blog, I know now that Garrosh has had Garona shadowing me and knows I’ve been meeting with Deliana.  (At least he meant well, I suppose.)

The bad news is that Garrosh knows I’ve been meeting with Deliana.  And that I’ve been up to something in Winterspring.  And apparently sneaking around.  And spirits only know how many dots he’s been connecting in his head based on what Garona told him.

So…there goes my plan to bring this whole story to Garrosh.

I suppose I still could.  Even considering that he’s suspicious now, predisposed to assume the worst, and probably irritable even by Garrosh standards, I suppose I could still try to go to him with this.  I could lay out the whole story, and explain why I’ve been keeping these things hidden, and why I’ve been working with a human whose last mailing address was in Ironforge.  And I could detail all of this to Garrosh and hope he’ll listen with an open mind and be reasonable and even-handed in his response.

So, yeah, see?  There goes my plan to bring this whole story to Garrosh.

At least not yet.  At this point, sooner or later I’m going to have to answer to Garrosh, and when I do, the only chance I’m going to have is if have some definite, final answers to all of this – as in, problem solved, spectral assassins dealt with, Deliana long gone from Horde territory, all loose ends tied up.  I can’t leave any room for any kind of “What about X?” “Yeah, uh, still working on that” to happen.

And I have to do all this before Garrosh gets back from Pandaria.

And I also have to do this while I know I’m being watched.  Can I mention how unnerving that is, by the way?

(Hi, Garona, if you happen to be stealthed in the room right now and looking over my shoulder while I’m typing this.)

(Also, please look away for a minute while I close a few browser tabs.  Thanks.)

 

Mokvar

 

 

[Header image (and reader mail!) provided by Khizzara from Blog of the Treant, used here with permission and many thanks.]

Demonology Anonymous

Posted in Words from a Scribe with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 7, 2013 by Garrosh Hellscream

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Now for the hard part.

I left out a few details last time about my past with the Veiled Blade, and everything that’s been going on recently.

I said before that when we killed Lord Valthalak, we took his spellbook along with the pieces of an amulet that ended up bringing the spectral assassins down on us.  But there was one more part of the spoils: a demon relic called the Nether Prism, a crystal that could be used, among other things, to focus fel energies and dominate the will of demons.  I was a warlock back in those days, and I arranged to have the prism included as part of our deal with Malkorok.  I wanted to see how much the Prism could be used to augment my powers.

I thought I could handle it.  I thought wrong.

The Prism magnified the power of my spells for sure, and for brief windows of time I could use it to control powerful demons.  At least more powerful than the dime-a-dozen ones that your garden variety warlocks can summon.  In more powerful hands than mine, I suppose it could have been used on even greater ones.  But if there’s one thing I learned, it was that I was nowhere near warlock enough to master the energies that flowed through that crystal and keep them under control.

It became pretty clear to me that I couldn’t afford to keep toying around with the Prism.  The problem was, though, that it wasn’t going to be as simple as sticking it in the back of the sock drawer and forgetting about it.  The Nether Prism radiated fel energies.  Demons were drawn to it.  And using its magic to deal with the demons when they turned up would just make it radiate more.

As if life wasn’t already too complicated, it was at this point that I learned Valthalak’s spectral assassins were making short work of the rest of the Veiled Blade.  I couldn’t keep taking my chances running around from place to place alone.  So I turned to Thrall.  He offered me sanctuary in Orgrimmar; all he asked was that I be on hand to aid the Warchief when needed.  I only ever told him the barest details about my past.  I never said a word about the Nether Prism.  Thrall was only barely willing to tolerate the presence of warlocks in Orgrimmar at all, given the orcs’ history; I couldn’t imagine he would have been willing to take me in if he’d known the whole story.  It’s hardly a coincidence that that was when I abandoned demonology altogether and took up shamanism.  I wasn’t about the bring dishonor upon the man who’d given me a safe haven, or overstay my welcome.

So, the Nether Prism had to go.  In the last days before I moved to Orgrimmar, I traveled to Darkwhisper Gorge in Winterspring.  Hidden away in a cave there was an imp named Vi’el, a collector of relics and exotic items.  I passed the Prism off onto him and hoped he wouldn’t realize what he had on his hands.  I know looking back that it probably wasn’t the wisest move in the world, but at that point I just wanted the blasted thing off my hands.  So I left it with Vi’el, and went on to Orgrimmar to begin my new life.  And started working out ways to deal with the spectral assassins before they came knocking on my door.

For a while, it worked.  I thought that chapter was done.  But as often ends up being the case around here, life still had one more surprise epilogue waiting.

 

deliana 

As soon as the spectral assassins attacked me in the Drag, I knew what they were and where they were from.  Even with Ji fighting by my side, they were able to wear me down fairly quickly; Ji kept fending them off as best he could while I watched for an opening to pop back up.  That was the point when we had one more surprise guest, this time a face from the past that was actually welcome: Deliana.  She’d stealthed her way into Orgrimmar to come looking for me, and after she helped Ji and I fight off the assassins, she snuck back with us to my house to compare notes.

The notes weren’t good.  Something had stirred Valthalak’s spirit; I remember when he’d been laid to rest the first last time, the adventurers I’d sent mentioned him saying something about things being settled “for now,” but I didn’t really give it much thought at the time.  Now, though, he was awake again and sending out his assassins.  Only this time, it wasn’t over the amulet; it was over the Nether Prism.

From Deliana’s perspective, this all started with Theldren turned up in Ironforge, seeking protection from Moira Thaurissan.  Something had brought the last scattered remains of Nefarian’s old minions out of hiding and sent them scrambling after anything demon-related they could find.  Deliana overheard Theldren repeating that “something’s coming,” whatever that means.  We don’t know most of the why’s and wherefores; all we do know is that whatever’s behind it has stirred Valthalak enough to make him want his old trinket back.

I wasn’t going to go to Garrosh with any of this.  I didn’t think he would have received the last bit about my past with the demons well in the best of circumstances, much less now that we’d been through that ordeal with the Burning Legion in the other timeline.  Not to mention the minor detail that I was fraternizing with a human in Deliana.  We decided that we had to keep her involvement in all of this a secret; Ji, being maybe the one person who was truly neutral to all of this, came into our confidence.

It became pretty clear pretty quickly that it wasn’t going to be possible for Deliana to stay hidden in Orgrimmar, especially after Garrosh stepped up security for me after the attack.  (At least he meant well.)  Deliana even had a run-in with Malkorok at one point when he was coming to talk to me and happened to catch her sneaking her way to my house.  She was only able to get away because Ji happened along and was able to blindside Malkorok with a Quaking Palm that stunned him.  We got Deliana out of Orgrimmar and she went into hiding in Azshara, with Ji stepping up to ferry messages back and forth between us.

Which brings us to Winterspring.  The trip to Timbermaw Hold was basically just a cover for us to meet up with Deliana in Everlook, and from there…Darkwhisper Gorge, to find Vi’el.  After the Cataclysm, most of the demons had abandoned the gorge for the underground caves, and the Twilight’s Hammer had moved in.  Now the cultists were gone and the demons were back in force – and gone crazy, fighting among themselves.  Even back in the day, there weren’t this many of them.  We could barely turn around without being jumped by another felguard or pack of felhounds.

We found Vi’el at his cave – dead.  The cave had been ransacked; half of the belongings that remained had been burned, singed with green flames.  We turned the place upside down, but it became apparent fairly quickly that there wasn’t anything to be found.

I’m not sure where we go from here.  The spectral assassins are still coming, Krog already having intercepted one just the other day.  Vi’el was the only lead we had back to the Nether Prism, which I have to figure is our only means of getting the situation under control.  Short of dying.  Again.  Deliana has gone back into hiding in Azshara while we come up with a new plan.  I think I might have one more possible stone to turn over, but it may reach the point – in fact, I suspect it will soon – when I need to give up the secrecy and bring all this to Garrosh.  Hopefully he’ll understand.

I should maybe go see about making some lemon squares.

 

Mokvar

Confessions of a Mercenary

Posted in Words from a Scribe with tags , , , , , , , , on January 5, 2013 by Garrosh Hellscream

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Since Ji and I got back from Winterspring, I’ve had a lot on my mind.  Everyone could tell we’d been injured – nothing major, but enough to catch people’s attention, especially considering how concerned everyone has been about me the last few weeks.  I hadn’t really planned to talk to anyone about what happened while we were up there.  I still prefer not to.  But after Krog had another run-in with an attacker the other day, people are going to keep asking more and more questions.  So I think it’s time for me to start filling in some blanks.

The blanks start long before Winterspring.

Years ago, before I’d come to Orgrimmar, I was part of a mercenary group called the Veiled Blade.  On one of our jobs, we had been hired to acquire the spellbook of a dragonkin in Blackrock Spire named Lord Valthalak, one of Nefarian’s lieutenants in those days.  As often happens with these kinds of things, that involved killing him.  Mostly, anyway.  Trouble is, though, between Nefarian’s forces and his alliance at the time with Rend Blackhand’s Blackrock orcs, getting to Valthalak and killing him wasn’t going to be an easy task.

That’s where we cut a deal.  As it turns out, not all the Blackrock orcs where exactly thrilled with Rend putting them in Nefarian’s service…and, long story short, we managed to come to an arrangement with Rend’s head of security – an orc named Malkorok.  He would deliberately leave prearranged gaps in the guard patrols leading to Valthalak.  We would slip in, kill him, collect what we came for, and get out.  We get in and out with a minimum of fuss.  Malkorok gets a pocket full of gold and the satisfaction of knowing the dragons had been weakened, for whenever Rend finally turned on them like Malkorok assumed he eventually would.

That was the plan.  And it mostly worked.  We went in, we killed Valthalak, we got the spellbook.  But we also collected an enchanted amulet from him, and after no small amount of infighting, we divided it into pieces and split it among some members of the group.  Don’t ask me what the appeal would be of getting a piece of an amulet; I wasn’t one of the ones fighting over it.  And the ones who did…  Well, Valthalak wasn’t quite as dead as we’d assumed.  His spirit lived on, and it sent spectral assassins after those of us who’d been involved in stealing the amulet.  Again, I’m not sure why the big to-do about the amulet; in his shoes, I probably would have been angrier at us for killing him than for taking his favorite piece of jewelry.  Maybe it’s a dragon thing.

One by one, the members of the Veiled Blade started to be picked off by the spectral assassins.  Soon enough, there were only three of us left: me, a dwarf named Theldren, and a human named Deliana.  We all went into hiding – me in Orgrimmar, Theldren in Blackrock Depths, Deliana in Ironforge.  Separately, and quietly, Deliana and I started to recruit Horde and Alliance adventurers to gather the pieces of the amulet and put Valthalak’s spirit to rest.  It took some time, but it worked.  For a while.

That changed a couple weeks ago when I was walking through the Drag with Ji, and a new batch of spectral assassins came out of nowhere and killed me.

From the look of things on the blog after Garrosh reported the attack, some people were pretty quick to put two and two together and figure that Malkorok had been behind it.  Truth be told, I was only too happy to let him take the blame.  And for those of you who’ve wondered, now you can see a little better why he and I have bad blood between us.  Now maybe you have a notion of why I don’t trust him.  I know he can be bought.  Because I was one of the ones who bought him.

As for why I wouldn’t have told anyone any of this until now…well, that’s where things start to get complicated.  TL;DR alert in advance: This may be a long story.

 

Mokvar

Spazzle Speaks: Here We Go Again

Posted in Spazzle Speaks with tags , , , , , on December 30, 2012 by Garrosh Hellscream

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Hi, everyone.  Spazzle again.  Still no word from Garrosh, but hopefully his voyage to Pandaria is going okay.  For all we know, he might be there and just having trouble getting his internet going.  Or he has his internet up and working fine, and he forgot how to turn his computer on.  Again.

Mokvar got back to Orgrimmar today after his trip to Winterspring with Ji.  I’m not sure what’s going on with him, but I’m getting kind of worried.  When he and Ji got back, they were both fairly bruised and singed — nothing too severe, but they had obviously been in a fight.  The weird part is that neither of them seemed willing to talk about what happened.  I tried asking about it, but they were both really evasive.  I really don’t understand why.

Things haven’t gotten any better since they’ve been back in Orgrimmar.  I talked to Krog a little while ago.  You might remember, before Garrosh left he asked Krog to conduct his own investigation of the attack where Mokvar was unsuccessfully killed (and how’s that for a weirdly accurate turn of phrase?).  Well, Krog was over at Mokvar’s place earlier, and intercepted another attack.  Another shadowy figure cloaked in darkness, only this time, instead of poofing away to nowhere when the fight started to go badly, it hung in there until it…well…not poofed away, but sort of fizzled out into nothing.  Sort of the way a ghost would.

Still no explanation of who this is or where they’ve come from, or how this time they were able to get into Mokvar’s house even with a Kor’kron guard standing watch outside, but I’m glad we’ve got Krog working on this.  I don’t know how much I trust Malkorok’s people these days.  I’ll try to keep everyone posted if we find anything new.

 

 

[Header image provided by Khizzara from Blog of the Treant, used here with permission and many thanks.]

Spazzle Speaks: Guild Chat Edition

Posted in Spazzle Speaks, Transcripts with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 28, 2012 by Garrosh Hellscream

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Hi, everyone.  Spazzle here.  Since Mokvar and I will be sharing blogging duties with Garrosh on his way to Pandaria, I’m taking my turn today updating everyone on what’s going on in Orgrimmar.

And/or Earth:

 

You have logged on.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Are you sure you’re not Utvoch, Dontrag?

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  no i’m dontrag

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch]  i could swear we’ve talked about this before

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Because I feel fairly sure that you’re Dontrag, Utvoch.

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Hey, Spaz.

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  again?

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  really?

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  hey

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  I know, I know, but honestly, it just never gets old!  ^_^

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  i really dont think so

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch]  i’m utvoch, he’s dontrag

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Perhaps we should refer to a third party to resolve the disagreement?  Who is your commanding officer over in Kalimdor?

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  cliffwalker

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch]  overlord cliffwalker

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Perhaps you should speak to him and ask him to confirm which of you is which.

[EdwardBear | Ji] has logged on.

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch]  huh maybe

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  we dont need to do that, he’s jsut going to say what we’re telling you now

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  no not maybe ut UGH

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Hey Ji

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Well you won’t know until you ask him, now will you?

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji]  hi mokvar

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch]  you know maybe she has a point

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch]  i’ll go find him

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  no ut u idiot dont listen to her

[SteveKravitz | Utvoch] has logged off.

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  oh dammit

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji]  feeling ok?

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Yeah, I’m fine.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Personally, that only supports my original point.

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  what does

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar]  You are having entirely too much fun with this.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  That he left to find Overlord Cliffwalker just now.

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  y

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  I really am.  ^_^

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Oh, watch this.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  b

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  what does b mean

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  I believe B is the second letter of the alphabet.

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji]  by the way, has garona been on lately?

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Although, since Mokvar is the scribe here, perhaps you should confirm with him.

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji]  i got one of those rooster pets she was trying to farm

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  no i know its a letter

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Huzzah, the spirit of literacy liveth!

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  what spirit

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  like a ghost or something

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  she IS the banshee queen

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  maybe it’s someone over in the undercity

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Well well look at our quiet little webmaster coming out of his shell!  ^_^

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle;)

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Well I’ll see you and raise you…

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Edward, I don’t remember seeing Garona on for a couple days

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  It’s actually the nickname of the phantasm who’s our assistant inscription trainer here.

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  She might just be logging on at odd hours.

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  maybe garrosh should have had them come audition for the temp scribe job

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Oooh, trumped by the goblin!

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  i’m confused

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  And all is right with the world.

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  I’m showing nightengayle’s last login four days ago

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  um ok

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  no but like

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  ya i know b is a letter

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  but what did u say it for?

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Well, you said “y”.

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  um ok

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  You did.  You can scroll up and check if you don’t believe me.

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji]  oh ok … well hopefully i’ll catch her on soon to give it to her

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar]  I will bet you 1000 gold he’s scrolling up right now.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  I said it supported my point that Dontrag left to go talk to Overlord Cliffwalker, and you said “y”.

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  ya ok i see that

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  And so I said “b”.

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  ya but how come?

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Well, I just assumed we were typing random letters.  Is that not how this works?

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  oh

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  no that was y like in why

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Oh.  Are your “w” and “h” keys not working?

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Maybe Spazzle could have a look at them for you.

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Ed, you could always just mail it to her for whenever she logs on, that was you don’t have to be watching for her.

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  no my keyboard is ok

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  it saves time

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Oh, were you in a hurry?

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Are you going somewhere?

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  To go find Overlord Cliffwalker, perhaps?

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji]  oh wow really?

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji]  there’s mail?

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Do you craft this stuff beforehand or are you just making it up on the fly?

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Because honestly, I’m not sure which one would make you more of a genius.

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Um

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  yeah ed – you never noticed the post offices in each city?

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Yeah there is.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  What’s sad is that there’s actually a whole extra layer to this that he’s never going to get to on his own.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Oh… oh wow.

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  no its just faster

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  haha yea

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar]  I mean, granted he’s very new to the game.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  That poor, poor, adorably clueless little bear…

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji]  i guess i never looked inside those to see what they were for

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Ah, I see.  Hurry up and wait.

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  wait for what?

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  yea but he’s level 27

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Yeah, Ed, if you go in there you can send things to other people in-game.

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Just like in real life, only it takes a couple days rather than an hour to deliver, for some reason.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Perhaps for Dontrag to return and confirm that it is in fact you who is Utvoch.

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  i’m not utvoch

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  So you say.

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  ya so i say cuz i am

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  i mean i’m not

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  not utvoch

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  I’ll go ahead and nudge him through; I don’t want to leave this other part on the shelf, and he’s never going to get to it by himself.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  But as I was saying, the fact that Dontrag went to talk to Overlord Cliffwalker just confirms that I’m right.

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  y

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  q

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji]  g

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  w

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  i mean why

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] hey are u guys messing with me now

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  y would you think that?

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Because, between Dontrag and Utvoch, Dontrag has always been the more circumspect, so if one of you were going to make the effort to seek confirmation on this question, it would be Dontrag.

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  but i’m dontrag

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Then why aren’t you checking on this with Overlord Cliffwalker?

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  If you -are- Dontrag, let me say in no uncertain terms, you’re being out-Dontragged.

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  ok fine then

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  i’ll go ask him

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  and watch what he says

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji]  by the way, mokvar, did you still want to leave this afternoon

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  I only wish I could be there with you when you ask him.

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  ya me too

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  anyway whatever

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  If that works for you, Ed, sure.

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  be back later

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  where are you guys going?

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Goodbye, Utvoch.

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  later ut

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  no

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  See you later, Utvoch.

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  ugh

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  fuck it

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji]  we’re going to take a trip to winterspring, spazzle

[GilbertRose | Dontrag] has logged off.

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  what are you going to be doing up there?

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Not for anything, but we probably want to be more careful about using real names in guild chat anyway.

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar]  You know, in case you-know-whos 1 or 2 come on.

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji]  there’s a place called timbermaw hold

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji]  mokvar says there’s a race there that seems similar to the pandaren

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  I don’t know if it’s a case of “or”

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  I don’t think I’ve ever seen just one of them on

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji]  so he’s taking me to visit so i can see if we might have some common ancestry

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  oh yeah, the furbolg

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  True, Mokvar, although everyone seems to be fairly aware of it when Jaina and Kalecgos are around.

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Oh, so they’re one of THOSE couples…

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji]  come to think of it

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji]  would you like to come?

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji]  i think we’re stopping at a goblin town on the way, aren’t we, mokvar?

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Everlook, yeah.

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji]  so you know them up there, spazzle?

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  oh so all us goblins must know each other huh?

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  kinda racist

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji]  um

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji]  i mean

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  kidding

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji]  oh

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji]  whew

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Someone’s feeling lively today.

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  I’m sure Spazzle’s got his own stuff to do anyway, Ed.

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  kind of a shame garrosh is missing out on the trip to timbermaw hold, though

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  because of the archbishop thing

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Oh yeah, that’s right.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Pardon?

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  There’s some little-known technicality with the Timbermaw furbolgs.

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  whoever’s warchief, they consider an archbishop

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  I’m…fairly sure I’m better off not knowing how that happened.

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  so yeah, he probably would have wanted to go

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Still, just as well I suppose.

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Although it IS kind of a shame we have to miss seeing him in the funny hat.

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  speaking of which, has anyone heard anything from garrosh yet?

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Not me.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Nor I.  I would imagine he’s still in transit.

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar]  They were saying a couple days’ trip, but I got the sense they were being optimistic about the weather.

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  ah ok

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Let me check something, actually.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  I will say, it’s been much quieter in guild chat since he’s been away.

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Ed, when you came up from Pandaria, how long did the flight take?

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  With a precipitous decrease in the amount of typing in caps.

[HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] has logged on.

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji]  hi puff

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  And as if in response.  Well played, universe.

[Proudleslie | Jaina] has logged on.

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji]  bartleby, it was a little under two days

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  hey honaleepuff

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  hey leslie

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  HELLO EVERYONE

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Ah, okay.  And that was flying.  By sea would be longer, I would figure.

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  hi mbc

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Greetings, you two.  Your logins are getting more and more tightly timed.

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  WE HAVE OUR COMPUTERS SET UP IN THE SAME ROOM NOW

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  flying from where?

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  How charmingly codependent.

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji]  pandaria

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  we were just trying to ballpark how long it takes to get there

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  oh wow small world

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  my friend is on his way there now

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Oh really, Leslie?  Business or pleasure?

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  business mostly lol

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  his son is down there too though so i guess he’s looking forward to meeting up

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  uh oh

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  am i guessing right?

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Yeah.  And…oh no.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  How interesting, Leslie.  What’s his son doing down there, if I might inquire?  And whereabouts, as far as you’re aware?

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  i’m not sure really

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  last i heard he was trying to work on his studies with some of the locals

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  How industrious.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  I’m sure there’s much for him to learn there.

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  lol if he doesnt get himself in to much trouble

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Oh, what could he do there to get into trouble?

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  hehe

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  anyway i get the feeling garrosh is going to want me doing some e-sleuthing when he hears about this

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  so i should get start working on something i can tell him

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  No, really.  Do you have any thoughts on possible examples?  I’m just curious about such things.

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar]  See you later, Spaz.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  For my nephew, that is.

You have logged off.

 

Sure, fine, as far as informational blog posts go, this is kind of cheating.  At least I’m not subjecting everyone to bad poetry!

The Awesome League of Awesome

Posted in EPIC VERSE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on March 31, 2012 by Garrosh Hellscream

johnnyawesome

As promised, here’s the result of this latest poll for the newest EPIC VERSE topic.  So, with no further ado…BECAUSE YOU DEMANDED IT!

 

Where to go!  What to do!
So much to explore.
Johnny Awesome on the move,
Always seeking more.
          He keeps clearing each zone faster,
          Tanaris, the last one to go:
          Yet another triumph, although
          Thousand Needles was disaster.
Now he’s questing with a reputation to restore.

Garrosh really wants him dead,
Really hates that elf.
Put a bounty on his head,
How he’s by himself.
          Hold your horses, no complaining
          That he screwed up on that last run.
          Magatha, she pulled a fast one
          Now he’s got few friends remaining.
Just because he freed one traitor from the Twilight Shelf.

Johnny Awesome headed north
Flying through the Barrens.
But as he was setting forth
It became apparent
          He had work to do here – rescue!
          Some poor undead rogue was dying:
          Swarmed by quillboar, he was trying,
          But perhaps he merely was new.
Or perhaps dropped on his dead by inattentive parents.

Either way, he needed saving –
Johnny Awesome to the fray!
The undead was smiling, waving,
As the quillboar fled away.
          Johnny Awesome: “My work here’s done.”
          “HI I’M DUMASS!”  “Um, okay.”
          “LET’S BE FRIENDS!”  “No, go away.”
          “OH OKAY!  WHERE ARE WE GOING?”
This was when he realized that he’d have a real long day.

“So, Dumass,” J.A. did say
And fought the urge to kill,
“Why the Barrens?” “OH OKAY!
I’M GOING TO TARREN MILL!”
          “Wait, Dumass, where did you come from?”
          “SILVERPINE AND HILLSBRAD, SIR!”
          “Tarren Mill was where you were.”
          Blank stare.  “Fitting name there, Dum.”
And Dumass just smiled and nodded while his brain stood still.

“Well, I’ll let you travel on,”
Johnny Awesome said.
“OH OKAY!  SO WHERE TO, JOHN?”
“…or come with me instead.”
          Johnny Awesome sighed so forlorn.
          “Well then, let’s head to Winterspring.”
          “WOW WE’RE GOING TO KILL THE LICH KING?”
          Frosted flake pursues Frostmourne.
“…Let’s just hope that bounty means that soon I will be dead.”

Up to Winterspring they flew,
Seeking thrills and danger.
But Johnny Awesome really knew
That things would just get stranger.
          In the mountains, climbing higher,
          Till they came upon a cave.
          Hiding place of some vile knave?
          Monsters? Dragons breathing fire?
Surely there would be rewards from those they would endanger.

When flying upon a frost wyrm
Came someone he’d seen before:
An orc warrior, hardly infirm,
Landing on a node of ore.
          “OMG THE LICH KING!” Dumass
          Cried out as the orc was mining.
          “Where?” the orc cried, “A defining
          Triumph shall be mine at last!”
Meanwhile Johnny Awesome palmed his face an instance more.

“Huh, no Lich King?” the orc grumbled,
Staring down this elf naysayer.
“Bet he’s hiding,” next he mumbled.
“I am Orkus – the Kingslayer!”
          “Greetings, Orkus—”  “HI!  I’M DUMASS!”
          “I am Johnny Awesome, sir.”
          Orkus answered, “I’ll infer
          You’re the brains here.”  “HI!  I’M DUMASS!”
“..Meanwhile I would guess your friend here’s Stupidville’s new mayor.”

Before Johnny Awesome answered,
Skulking out from in the cave
Came a yeti, lone advancer –
No warning or sound he gave.
          “It’s attacking!”  “Hurry!  Kill it!”
          “OMG!  A DRAGON!”  “What?”
          No move made the yeti, but
          They smelled blood and they would spill it.
Thus the yeti’s early rise might mean an early grave:

Hardly had the yeti woken,
So he found this a surprise.
His defense was scarcely token,
Looking ’round with sleepy eyes.
          Just the same, the fight took ages.
          None of them could land a blow.
          Swinging, missing, tripping, so
          To give the details would take pages.
So we’ll TL;DR for the poor yeti’s demise.

Finally the yeti stumbled
In a hulking lifeless heap.
Orkus yelled, “Vile beast!  Be humbled!
Yeah, that’s right.  Don’t make a peep.”
          “Hey, you know, this has me thinking,”
          Johnny Awesome said at last.
          “We sure kicked that yeti’s ass
          (Even granted I’ve been twinking),
If we stayed a team, just think the benefits we’d reap.”

“YAY!  I HAVE TWO FRIENDS!” said Dumass.
Not suspecting they might toss ’im.
“As a group,” said Orkus, “en masse,
No more fleeing or playing possum!”
          Johnny Awesome nodded, beaming:
          “We could take the world by storm!”
          “Wipe out every beastly swarm!”
          “End all villains’ evil scheming!
Look out, Azeroth, here comes the Awesome League of Awesome!”

“Just one thing,” said Orkus, “Any
Chance you’ve got a healing spec?
I took a few hits there – well, many.”
“Sorry, no.”  “Eh, what the heck.
          It can wait till we get going
          Back to town, and heal up there.”
          “Let’s go.  Soon, evil beware!”
          Johnny Awesome’s pride was glowing.
And the trio gathered up to start their homeward trek. 

Off they marched with scarce attention
To a shadow in the sky:
Far beyond their apprehension
What was coming, much less why.
          Down upon them swooped a wyvern!
          “En garde!”  “Fight him off!”  “YES SIR!”
          Now go get ’im, Mortimer!
          Alas, though, he did not discern
Who was who correctly when he landed his bullseye.

“I’ve got aggro!” Orkus bellowed.
But before they could decide
How to help him, he was mangled:
Down he went and there he died.
          “It got Orkus!  Kill it!” Johnny
          Awesome yelled, but not in time.
          Mortimer did swiftly climb
          Into the air, and then was gone.
And from nowhere, “YAY! WE KILLED THE LICH KING!” Dumass cried.

 

EPIC VERSE!

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