Archive for val’kyr

So much for the Frostwolves

Posted in General with tags , , , , , , , , , , on June 6, 2012 by Garrosh Hellscream

Cromush has moved down to Southshore with some of his people, and has started trying to get the worgen back under control.  Meanwhile I tried contacting Drek’Thar this morning to see if I could convince him to send some Frostwolf assistance down there.  Granted, the last time somebody tried calling on him for aid, it didn’t especially go well, but I thought maybe the current situation might persuade him to reconsider.

So…yeah, so much for that idea.  I tried making my case for sending some help, and he launched into this big epic speech about the honor of the Horde and the atrocities of the Forsaken, and how what’s happening to them now is just comeuppance for the crimes they’ve committed against all decency, and how he’d be damned before he so much as lifted a finger to help breathe life back into the rightfully dying embers of their misbegotten existence, and it was all really powerful and moving and badass.  And then he shit himself.  Man, old age is not kind.

At that point he got into this yelling, screaming argument with somebody who wasn’t even there, something about whether or not they’d stolen the last of the boar kabobs and given them to the man in the hat, and then he yelled at Galvanger to wheel him back to his room because it was time for his stories.  And seriously, I really truly hope I die gloriously in battle at some point in the relatively near future, because I positively do NOT want to roll the dice on growing old.

Meanwhile, Sylvanas has been doing some more testing on the undead who’ve been…well…re-deaded? by the anti-plague thing.  Her latest effort has been seeing if her Val’kyr lackeys can re-reanimate one of the bodies.  No go there.  Seems that whatever this anti-plague does, it not only purges the body of necrotic effects, but actually immunizes it against any more afterward.  So no going all Ner’zhul on them.

So…still working on it.  In order to help with the process, I’m going to make a trip to the Undercity with a few other key people.  Hopefully between the bunch of us we’ll be able to come up with something.

 

 

[Header image provided by Rioriel from Postcards From Azeroth, reproduced here with permission and many thanks.  Click here to see the souped-up Postcard version!]

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The Last Stands of Sylvanas

Posted in EPIC VERSE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 13, 2012 by Garrosh Hellscream

So, a little late, I know, but here it is, this week’s second (belated Thursday) installment of EPIC VERSE in Garrosh’s Poetry Challenge!  Featuring the return of everyone’s favorite Argent Gossip Girl, Argent Confessor Paletress.  As always, comment away with suggestions and idea for next week’s MASTERPIECES.

 

Hi again,
Garrosh, friend.
Hope you’re doing fine.
What brings you
Here anew?
I see that you brought wine.
 
Hold on, now.
I know how
You made me talk last time.
I’m still mad
At how bad
I spilled my guts (in rhyme!).
 
I refuse!
’Twas with booze
You got me to tell.
Whatcha got?
Jello shots?
Oh, well, what the hell.
 

*  *  *  *  *

 
The Dark Lady passed through here,
In the Lich King’s final year.
   Sought advice
   Once or twice
From – guess who – truly yours.
From our talks we grew aware
Of just how much, in fact, we share,
   Like our urge
   To purge the Scourge.
(And sometimes dress like whores.)
 
Still her memories recur
Of life as Ranger Windrunner,
   When the doom
   Of Silvermoon
Left all appearing lost.
Last defender, there she stood;
Fight with her last breath she would.
   Pain was fine:
   Buy them time
She would at any cost.
 
There she took her final breath;
They raised a banshee in undeath –
   Could not kill
   Her iron will:
As strong now as it had been.
Summoned up her fallen brothers,
Lordaeron’s lost souls, and others,
   Bore their pain,
   Broke their chains,
And hacked the Lich King’s admin.
 
Years have passed and foes have died,
Fruitlessly Sylvanas tried
   To soothe chagrin
   For zombie kin
From all the blows they’d taken.
Cursed and scorned and plagued with doubt –
Damn the world that shut them out!
   In her care
   Her children there
Would never be forsaken.
 
When at last the Lich King fell,
Banished to the blackest hell,
   Off alone
   To Frozne Throne
Sylvanas made her trek.
Arthas’ final demise
She would confirm with her own eyes;
   And so higher
   To the spire
She ventured up to check.
 
It was true; her foe was gone;
His broken corpse she spat upon,
   But the hole
   In her soul:
It felt an endless void.
For so long her single thought
Was bringing Menethil to naught;
   Now the task
   Was done at last
And she was unemployed.
 
All her past she dwelled upon,
Shining elvish future gone,
   Time she slept:
   Off she lept
And fell toward deadly spikes.
But before she fell to night,
Self-impaled on saronite,
   Near would sing
   Val’kyr wings
And stave off the last strike.
 
Val’kyr visions was she granted,
Of a future disenchanted:
   Her adored
   By the Horde
Were marshaled out as fodder.
Unprotected, now she’d seen,
Left without their Banshee Queen,
   With a haste
   Went to waste
Before worgen marauders.
 
Her Forsaken children, cherished:
She could not leave them to perish.
   Made a deal,
   And, surreal,
Returned to her unlife.
Bound now to the scheming Val’kyr,
Brought them to her home locale here,
   To begin
   To watch her kin
And guard them from the strife.
 
I remember when we spoke,
The elf who bent but never broke,
   How she knew
   What she’d do
Would carry heavy cost.
For her people to stay whole,
Someone had to pay their soul:
   No defers;
   ’Twould be hers –
It was already lost.
 
All her elvish life she’d said
She’d fight to wipe out the undead;
   Tables turned:
   Living spurned:
Now she would forswear it.
No more kindred’s anguished cries;
Not one more, on her watch, dies.
   Tortured, pained,
   Conscience stained:
For them, she will bear it.
 
*  *  *  *  *
 
Hey, hold on!
Liquor’s gone?
Then the story’s done!
Go restock;
That would rock.
And then we’ll have more fun.
 
One last dose,
One last toast
To Sylvanas’ sorrow.
Not undead,
But man, my head:
I’ll pay for this tomorrow.
 
No, you wag,
No Jaina gag.
No more lurid defection.
(Although, she’d seen
The Banshee Queen
In the Halls of Reflection…)

 

EPIC VERSE!

Monday mailbag

Posted in EPIC VERSE, Mailbag with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 5, 2011 by Garrosh Hellscream

OMG people are reading my blog!!!!  I didn’t even tell anybody other than Spazzle and Eitrigg that this blog was here and now people are reading it!  I have fans!  People love me!  I WILL BASK IN THE ADORING GLOW OF MY LOYAL AND DEVOTED FOLLOWERS!  Go me!  GO GARROSH!

 

I hear ya about the paperwork, Warchief.  Are you sure you don’t have any assistants to help cover it, though?  I’m just a Kor’kron captain and even I have Aleric here to push some of the forms off on.  Speaking of which, is there any chance you could have someone come by and relieve me for a weekend or something?  I’ve been stuck standing here in the Royal Quarter for almost two years now, and while the view isn’t bad if you know what I mean, let’s just say the aroma around this place isn’t the greatest thing in the world.  It would be kind of nice to have a day or two to just go up to Brill and get some air.

— Bragor Bloodfist, Undercity

Oh yeah, absolutely, let me send someone down there to relieve you, Bragor.  You really must need a break what with how hard you’ve been working keeping an eye on Sylvanas and making sure she doesn’t get up to anything fishy like developing more of Putress’s plague, and – OH WAIT, SHE TOTALLY DID.  How about you DO YOUR FUCKING JOB SUCCESSFULLY before you ask for a vacation?  Hey, pro tip, if you spend two years fighting the minions of a diabolical mastermind, like say, I don’t know, some FUCKING SHIMMERY WINGED UNDEAD GIANTS, and one day you see them just hanging out in one of the capital cities of the Horde, and instead of being KILLED LIKE THE BLOOD ENEMIES THEY ARE, it seems like they’re just chilling with one of our leaders, you know, maybe you want to check up on that.

But oh, hey, you do make a decent point about assistants, though.  Tell you what.  I was going to send someone down there to relieve you, but I think what I’ll do instead is keep them around here and have them work on these forms for me.  You keep at it down there in the Undercity.  I’ll be expecting your report on where the fuck Koltira Deathweaver disappeared to.  IN TRIPLICATE.

 

Hey mon, I be havin’ a question for ya.  If da Lich King’s horse is Invincible, how come I be seein’ it?

Vol’ Bob, Echo Isles

OMG I can’t believe how stupid this guy is!  The Lich King’s horse is INVINCIBLE NOT INVISIBLE YOU STUPID IDIOT!  ALSO YOU’RE STUPID!!  HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!  How dumb do you have to be to not know words.

I swear sometimes I think I’m the only one left in the Horde that’s not a damn retard LOL.

 

I seriously can’t believe Thrall put you in charge.  It’s not that you’re dumb as a post, because let’s face it, his other options were all orcs, and what were his odds there with any choice he made?  And it’s not so much that you’re a badboy poser who talks a good game when he knows there’s someone like Rhonin or Tirion in the room to break up any actual fight.

But dude.  Poetry?  From your journal?  Which, you know, is just a slightly less pathetic way to say “diary”?  What are you, a fourteen-year-old girl?  Do you try to compensate by at least writing poems about weapons and battle, or are you just going all-out and writing about flowers and other sissy crap like that?

— Varian Wrynn, Stormwind

OMG HOW DID HE SEE THIS BLOG!!!  I’m writing this for LOYAL CITIZENS OF THE HORDE TO SEE, what idiot rigged up the internet so ANYONE can just go around looking up WHATEVER THEY WANT!!  Next thing you know kids at the Orgrimmar orphanage will be able to look up succubus erotica that is clearly only supposed to be for me adults.  (Does anyone know if Greatmother can see this, by the way?  Just checking.)

Anyway!  SOMEHOW you’ve managed to breach blog security here, Varian, so I suppose I should answer you.  First of all, on the poetry in general, hey, don’t get pissy with me because I’ve read a book in my life.  Don’t you have some giant library right there in your castle?  How about you reach up on one of those shelves and crack a tome once in a while and maybe get some damn culture.

As for what I write about, here, just for you, I’ll write one about flowers AND weapons.  Enjoy.

 

Mageroyal is red,
Peacebloom is white,
Axes are sharp,
Fuck you, Varian. 

 

EPIC VERSE!

Keep the letters coming.  I’ll try to do these mailbags when I can.  FOR THE HORDE!