Archive for undercity

Keep your friends close

Posted in General, Transcripts with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 22, 2015 by Garrosh Hellscream

orgrimmar21

So I guess Spazzle already filled you guys in on the Gurtash thing.  No new developments on that front so far.  The healers say that the kid’s either going to come around on his own, or not come around at all, which personally I think is a big huge CYA measure on their part, but they’re the healers and I’m not so I guess I might as well give it a few more days before I start smacking people around.

In other news, I’m making some changes to Shayari’s mage training plan.  She’s still going to be studying with Faranell over in the Undercity, but I decided that there wasn’t much need for her to LIVE over there permanently.  For one, she IS a mage, so she can just teleport over where when she has lessons, and besides, based on recent experience…I mean…good fucking luck getting her to STAY there if she’s gotten it into her head that she doesn’t want to.  It’s just easier this way.

So in related news, when I got in touch with Faranell about the revised plan for Shay, he decided it was a good time to hit me up with the estimate for whatever the hell he needs to have done to his jaw after Shay clocked him, or whatever the fuck happened.  Then, as if all of this hadn’t put me in a great enough mood already, it just so happened that THAT’s the moment when the bill for that shopping trip Liadrin took Shay on came in, and HOLY FUCKING SHIT ARE YOU KIDDING ME.  That hyacinth macaw of hers better fucking well shit GOLD, is all I’m saying.  Are kids ALWAYS this expensive?!  Fucking hell, this is going to clear out the bank in no time flat at this rate.  Nice job, doeling.  Yeesh.

Anyhow.  In OTHER other news, now that Mokvar’s mostly accounted for himself, it’s time he got back on the job and made himself useful.  Which as you can imagine made everyone in the war room pleased as punch.  And by “punch” I mean “panda punching Varian in the fucking face”…

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Because some shit just never gets old.  Heh.  Hehehehe…

Anyway.  Yeah.  Smiles all around for Mokvar’s return to Grommash Hold.

 

MALKOROK:  Sir!  With all due respect, you can’t be serious!

EITRIGG:  You’re lifting the banishment?!

MALKOROK:  You can’t possibly intend to allow this…this treasonous dog back into your council chamber!

MOKVAR:  Uh, yeah, nice to see you guys, too.

EITRIGG:  Garrosh, I don’t understand.  After everything that happened with Mokvar, after his conspiring with Magatha, for spirits’ sake—

GARROSH:  Look, I understand why you banished him while I was away, Eitrigg.  I’m not lifting it now because it was the wrong call at the time.  If I’d been here, I probably would have done the same thing myself.

EITRIGG:  Then why, Garrosh?

MALKOROK:  I’m not usually inclined to agree with the old man, Warchief, but once he’s right.  Why would you restore this—

GARROSH:  BECAUSE, you two, Mokvar’s managed to account for himself to my satisfaction, and—

MALKOROK:  Sir, whatever lies this traitor has told you—

GARROSH:  Are MINE to judge, Malkorok, not yours.  I believe he’s telling me the truth.

Garrosh looks over at Mokvar, then back to Malkorok.

Enough of it, at least.  Besides…I have good reason to believe that Mokvar has access to…certain resources that could be of great tactical benefit to us.

EITRIGG:  Warchief…?

MALKOROK:  I find it hard to believe he possesses anything that our forces—

GARROSH:  You remember the Divine Bell, Malk?  What a smashing success that whole grand finale was?  Suffice to say, during his reintroduction to the warlock world, Mokvar found something that could have swung that whole fiasco in our favor.

Eitrigg slumps back in his chair uncomfortably.  While Malkorok and Garrosh continue, Taktani bounces into the room, with Shayari following behind.

MALKOROK:  Assuming he’s not making up the entire st—

GARROSH:  <pointing back at his throne>  DO YOU WANT TO SIT IN THIS CHAIR?

TAKTANI:  <hopping onto the throne happily>  Oooh, I do, Mr. Warchief!  Yay!  It looks comfy!

Garrosh looks back at Taktani, rubs his forehead, then turns back to Malkorok (who suddenly looks much more exhausted than he did just a moment ago).

GARROSH:  Look, Malk.  I’ve made my decision.  And if you don’t think it’s the right one, then guess what?  I’ve still made my decision, and I don’t want to hear any more about it.  Mokvar’s banishment is lifted, and I’m reinstating him to scribe duties.

TAKTANI:  <sprawling back on the throne and waving one paw around>  I’m the Warchief-chief!  Yay!  Lemon squares or death!  Hee hee!

GARROSH:  Besides, would you really rather have HER staying on indefinitely?

MALKOROK:  You…may have a point, sir.

TAKTANI:  Aww don’t be grumpy, Mr. Malky!  No grumpies allowed!  <waving her paw around more>  Off with his head!  Tee hee!

GARROSH:  TAK.

TAKTANI:  Ooh!  Okay!  Right, Mr. Warchief, sir!

Taktani hops off the throne and bounces over to the council table.

GARROSH:  Mokvar, this is Taktani.  She’s been filling in for you while you’ve been away.  Well, splitting time with… Uh, anyway, she’s been filling in as a scribe.

TAKTANI:  <bouncing up onto the council table and leaning in close to Mokvar>  Hiiiiii Mr. Mokvar!  It’s nice to meet you!

GARROSH:  She used to write in to the blog before you went AWOL, remember?

TAKTANI:  I’ve heard so much about you, Mr. Mok-Mok!  I’m sure the nice things are true!

MOKVAR:  I— wait, you mean she’s real?

MALKOROK:  Unfortunately.

TAKTANI:  You’re so grumpy, Mr. Malky!  I bet you just need a big hug!

MALKOROK:  Don’t you dare even think of—

TAKTANI:  Again!

MALKOROK:  Warchief!

GARROSH:  Rein it in, Tak.

MOKVAR:  Okay, you know, she’s a little hyper for my tastes, but I think she’s starting to grow on me all the same.

SHAYARI:  Chuckles really does bring out the best in people, doesn’t he?

GARROSH:  Huh— oh, hey, Shay.

SHAYARI:  Hey.  <scanning the table>  Hey, Beardy.  Chuckles.  Other Old Guy I Don’t Know.

GARROSH:  Oh, yeah, you never met Eitrigg, did you?

SHAYARI:  I think you mentioned him to me. But yeah.

GARROSH:  He’s Ariok’s old man, if that helps any.

SHAYARI:  Ohh, okay.  So you’re kind of Grayscale Senior.  I guess that makes you…what, sepia, sort of?

EITRIGG:  …Warchief?

GARROSH:  <sighs>  Yeah, okay.  So.  Eitrigg, this is Shayari.  She’s…my daughter.

Eitrigg stares blankly for a full minute.

TAKTANI:  Mr. Warchief?  Is Mr. Eatery okay?

GARROSH:  Eitrigg?

EITRIGG:  <blinks>  I… I’m sorry, Garrosh.  I think my brain might have just stroked off there for a moment.  Did you just say…?

GARROSH:  She’s my daughter.  Yeah.

MALKOROK:  Supposedly.

SHAYARI:  I know, Chuckles, I’m too good for a lot of people to believe.

EITRIGG:  <gesturing bewilderedly toward Shayari>  But… but Warchief… how…?

GARROSH:  Dude, do I really have to work it out for you?

SHAYARI:  #TheLadiesLoveGarrosh, am I right?

EITRIGG:  I…oh…well…  <gathers himself, turns to Shayari>  It’s a pleasure, Miss Shayari.

SHAYARI:  Thanks, Grampa Sepia.  Oh, and if your boy mentions anything about livestock, I don’t know anything about it.

MALKOROK:  Warchief, is there a reason why your…offspring is barging in on our meeting?

TAKTANI:  Aw, Mr. Malky, why can’t you be friendly?  You should smile more!

MALKOROK:  That’s enough from you, druid!

MOKVAR:  Yeah.  I definitely think I’m starting to like her.

SHAYARI:  Oh, don’t sweat it, Tak.  Guy Smiley here’s just pissy ’cause I’m a walking, talking reminder that Pops has gotten laid more recently than him.

TAKTANI:  Huh?

MALKOROK:  Draenei, I—

GARROSH:  Malk, zip it.

MOKVAR:  And I know I’m starting to like her.

GARROSH:  Come to think of it, though, what ARE you doing here, Shay?

SHAYARI:  I’m just checking to see how long Tak’s going to be busy with the meeting.

GARROSH:  Uh, not long.  It’s going to be a pretty short one today.  Why?

SHAYARI:  Nothing huge.  When she’s done, I was going to port us up to Silvermoon to do some shopping.  I can kill a little time, though.  I’ll just be over at Kodohide’s, ’kay, Tak?  I can check out the leather jackets while you do your thing.

TAKTANI:  Okay!  I’ll come find you!

GARROSH:  Hang on – SHOPPING?  We just moved like five huge cases of yours back from the Undercity.  Don’t you have ENOUGH stuff?

SHAYARI:  <walking toward the door>  That’s cute, pops.  “Enough stuff.”  You’re adorable.  Later, Tak!  Oh, and Chuckles?

Malkorok looks up.

Don’t forget: being a walking bag of hyena urine is something most people couldn’t carry off, but you, sir…are no exception.  Toodles!

Shayari exits.

GARROSH:  <rubbing his forehead>  I can already tell I’m going to have to start making withdrawals from the bank, aren’t I…

MOKVAR:  You know what?  I’m going to skip right past “like” and say I’m starting to love her.

EITRIGG:  She does have a certain infectious charm.

GARROSH:  Okay, so…

TAKTANI:  Should I start scribing now, Mr. Warchief?

GARROSH:  Ah.  Well, no, Tak.  See, you were filling in for Mokvar, and he’s back now, so he’s going to be taking over again.

TAKTANI:  Oh…

Taktani looks back and forth between Garrosh and Mokvar.

You don’t want me to be your scribe anymore?

Taktani makes big, sad kitty eyes.

Did I do bad?

GARROSH:  Oh geez.

MALKOROK:  <rubbing his forehead>  Merciful spirits….

GARROSH:  Ugh… Look, Tak, you—

MOKVAR:  Garrosh?

GARROSH:  Hmm?

MOKVAR:  You know, while I get reacclimated, it probably wouldn’t be a bad idea to let her stay on for a little while, just to make sure I don’t miss anything in my notes.

Taktani’s face lights up, and she turns to Garrosh hopefully.

GARROSH:  Oh for… Yeah.  Fine.  Whatever.  You’re already here, so you might as well stick around for today anyway.

TAKTANI:  YAY!!

MALKOROK:  <glaring at Mokvar>  Scribe, what in hellfire are you doing?

Taktani hops gleefully into a chair next to Malkorok.  Mokvar tilts his head to one side, watching her, then smirks at Malkorok.

GARROSH:  Okay…so, getting down to actual business, finally.

TAKTANI:  Yay!

GARROSH:  TAK.

TAKTANI:  Oops!  Sorry, Mr. Warchief sir!

Taktani makes an exaggerated zipping movement in front of her mouth, then stifles a giggle.

GARROSH:  So.  Moving on.

MALKOROK:  Warchief, with your approval, I’d like to add a few additional patrols around the read gate.

GARROSH:  Is there a problem?

MALKOROK:  Just a precaution.  I’ve gotten reports of some minor oddities around the Valley of Honor.  I’d just like to make sure there isn’t anything to be concerned about.

GARROSH:  Fine.  Do what you need to do.

MALKOROK:  Yes, sir.

GARROSH:  Now for more important business.  Mokvar, what’s our next step on your sha project?

EITRIGG:  Garrosh…

MOKVAR:  I’ll need to see some of these sha in person.  This isn’t going to be exactly the same as dominating demons, so I’ll need to start small and work out the bugs.

GARROSH:  Fine.  I’ll be heading back to Pandaria in a couple weeks.  You’ll come with me, and we’ll take it from there.

EITRIGG:  Garrosh, I don’t like the sound of dabbling further with these sha—

GARROSH:  Your objections are noted and inconsequential.

MOKVAR:  That should work out.  I have a few things I wanted to check on in Pandaria anyway.

GARROSH:  In the meantime, I want you to check in with a few people as well, on a couple different fronts.

MOKVAR:  What’s that?

GARROSH:  For one, I want you to go see Overseer Elaglo.  He and Xorenth are working on a few things down in Ragefire Chasm that I think you might be able to help with.

MOKVAR:  Okay.  What are they working on?

GARROSH:  They’ll fill you in when you get down there.  And while you’re down that way, I want you to touch base with Neeru Fireblade in the Cleft of Shadow.

MOKVAR:  Uh… you want me to… why?

GARROSH:  Because given what went down with him before you starting going all off-hinge, I think he’d be pretty damn interested in the fact that you’ve got yourself a new toy.

MOKVAR:  Well, yeah, I’m sure he would, but I was figuring I’d probably be better off keeping CLEAR of him about that.  Why even let him know I have the—

GARROSH:  Because knowing will get his curiosity up.  And you know what curiosity did to the cat.

Garrosh looks to a suddenly nervous-looking Taktani.

Not you, Tak.

Taktani lets out a relieved sigh while Garrosh turns back to Mokvar.

I doubt that he’s going to want to trust you, considering everything that’s gone on.  But I’m betting curiosity about what you’ve been up to, and your shiny new do-dad in particular, is going to be too much for him to resist.  So I want you to dangle it in front of him, and see if you can get in good with him.

MOKVAR:  <nodding slowly>  And then I report back to you.

GARROSH:  And then you report back to me.  We know Neeru’s up to something, but so far he’s been careful.  But YOU…well, what you bring to the table might mean just enough for his demonic interests to bring him out.  I know we can’t trust him, so I want someone keeping him close.

MOKVAR:  Got it.  I’ll do what I can.  When should I head over?

GARROSH:  No time like the present.  You might as well head over.  I already told Elaglo and Xorenth you’d be by sometime today.

MOKVAR:  Okay, chief.  I’ll get the records written up and posted for you later today.

GARROSH:  Yeah, that’s fine.

Mokvar gathers up his documents and walks toward the door.

<talking over one shoulder without turning around>  And Mokvar.

Mokvar stops in the doorway and looks back.

It’s good to have you back.

 

Mokvar hasn’t gotten back from the Cleft of Shadow yet, but when he does, hopefully there’ll be some good news.  In the meantime, I’m going to talk to Spazzle about putting some filters on the blog.  Some posts, at least.  It’s good having these records here, but we’re going to want to start limiting who can see certain information.  You guys are all cool, don’t worry.  But some of this stuff…yeah, we’re going to need to be a little more careful.  Especially if things start lining up like I think.

More soon.

 

ADDENDUM FROM TAKTANI’S NOTES:

(Mr. Mokvar left.)

MALKOROK – Warchief, I still object to you trusting that scribe after his treasonous conduct.  Especially with these kinds of sensitive matters.

GARROSH – Malk, do you not listen to any fucking thing that I say?

MALKOROK – Warchief?

GARROSH – Did you miss what I told him about keeping someone who can’t be trusted close, so we can keep an eye on him?

MALKOROK – No, sir, I heard you, but—

GARROSH – Did you think I was only talking about Fireblade?

(Malkorok became still a moment, thinking, then gave a slow nod.)

MALKOROK – Yes, sir.  I think I understand.  I…wouldn’t have thought of that, sir.

GARROSH(nodding back)  That’s why I’m in charge.

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The scouring of the Spire

Posted in Comics, General with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 12, 2014 by Garrosh Hellscream

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So, we were right about Ji heading down here to the Burning Steppes.  Only trouble is, by the time we landed at Flame Crest, he’d already come and gone.  (Boy, it sure is a shame we didn’t get down here faster, like, say, if SOMEBODY hadn’t wasted shitloads of time fucking doodling.)  And yeah, he hooked up with Eitrigg’s son Ariok when he got here, and I guess the two of them took off to check out Blackrock Mountain.  And yeah, that’s one MORE thing I might have to smack Eitrigg around over when we get back home, because fucking hell.

I headed over to Blackrock Mountain with Spazzle and Gurtash, and after some initial ohh’ing and ahh’ing from the noobs, we headed into Blackrock Spire.  It was a weird thing — I’d poked my nose in here once before, back when I was rounding up the Blackrock orcs (Malkorok included) when I brought them into the Horde, but this was different.  Now the place was like the haunted house version of Blackrock Spire.  Every few rooms we ran into these reanimated, undead versions of the drakonids and dragonspawn that used to hang out here back in the day, back before the Black Dragonflight got cleaned out.  Well, they were back for an encore now, at least some of them, at least in fairly diminished form.  Don’t know what’s causing it, but I can tell you it’s creepy as well.

Mind you, none of that really mattered once I chopped them into pieces every time any of them got in our way.  But still.

We poked around the spire some, and finally, a fair ways in, we finally stumbled onto the guests of honor themselves — Ji and Ariok, poking around in some kind of summoning chamber.  Apparently they found some kind of ritual altar there that Lunchbox seemed sure had some connection to…you know, I’m still not even sure about the details.  Something about the dragon guy that was in the middle of Mokvar’s whole deal.  I wasn’t in much of a mood to listen to that crap, but Ji was focused on the damn altar like he thought it was a pork chop, and then Ariok started chiming in with HIS two coppers, and hoo boy were we off to the races then, what with the bitching and the complaining.  You know, the Anytime Somebody Talks to Garrosh These Days special.

Anyhow, we went round and round a few times, and to tell you the truth, I was just about to throw my hands up and let the idiot poke around the damn altar just to shut them up, when we started hearing more snarling and growling from those dragon-zombie-whatever-the-fucks from down the hall.  Then sounds of combat, and general rattling around, and then, before we even had a chance to go check out what the hell was going on, well…

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You know, I’m not sure if I want to kill her or if I’m starting to like her.

Anyway, by that point, Shayari was already right there, so I figured I might as well let her go ahead and see if she can figure anything out about the damn altar, and maybe satisfy everybody’s morbid curiosity about the whole Mokvar thing.  Plus, you know, good luck getting her to NOT do something, because, hey, maybe I’ve mentioned this already, fucking hell.

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[Notes and Notables: As I announced a few posts ago, I’m going to be taking a short break from posting, but rest assured that I will be using a not-inconsiderable portion of that time getting things lined up for the next sequence of posts.  The always preposterous and sometimes exciting adventures of everyone’s favorite some people’s favorite the Warchief will continue with “Scene of the Crime” on Wednesday, May 21.

Also, a Shayari fashion note: The sharp-eyed among you will recognize Shayari’s outfit in this post as the “Indiana Shay” outfit submitted by Malauch in the Transmogs for Shay contest.  Malauch was one of our five voters’ choice contestants; I’d never actually announced a final winner on that front, but that was in large part because the polling ended up being an endless back-and-forth between Maualch’s entry and Khizzara’s “Scarlet Sindorei Robe.”  So, since I’m only too happy to have a wealth of mage looks (and happy readers!), I’m going to go ahead and (belatedly) declare both Malauch and Khizzara winners in a dead heat.  Grats to all our winners, thanks to all who submitted and voted, and by all means keep an eye out for more stylish looks from our resident half-draenei mage in training!]

Moving day (part 6)

Posted in Comics with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 26, 2014 by Garrosh Hellscream

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A problem like Shayari

Posted in General, Transcripts with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 17, 2014 by Garrosh Hellscream

orgrimmar17

So, Faranell was still working on his tests when I went to see him.  I figured I’d leave him alone so he could concentrate on his work rather than, you know, concentrate on making smartass comments.  Anyway.

In the meantime, I’ve been trying to finish up these meetings.  I had a conference earlier today with Overseer Elaglo about his new duties “helping” Eitrigg with things.  Eitrigg didn’t sound to thrilled about the new arrangements, but it’s not like he’s got much to say in the matter.  Didn’t stop him from saying a few things on his way out, though.  Anyhow, we also had Xorenth in to go over the details of another project I’ve got him and Elaglo collaborating on.  Taktani sat in on the meeting – she managed to keep herself mostly reined in, by some miracle – but for the time being I’m going to hold off on posting those transcripts.  Most of them, anyway.  Some of the operations we were going over are fairly sensitive, so I don’t think I want to go announcing them on the blog.

As opposed to all the other highly sensitive, top secret stuff I casually write about here on practically a daily basis, right?  Like, oh, I don’t know, evidently being the surprise dad of a half-draenei teenager, for instance.  Pending confirmation, anyway.  Oh well.  It’s all among friends here, I guess.  Anyway.

Speaking of the pending confirmation, though…over to the de-classified part of Tak’s handiwork…

 

(How about here, Mr. Warchief?  Oh good!  Now it’s okay to start copying the meeting.  I like this part better anyway, there’s not as much talking about the angry fire cave.  I don’t think I would like it there.  It sounds scary!  Oh okay, I guess I’m taking too long to get to the meeting.

I guess I’ll start with the part where Mr. Malkorok came in.  Don’t worry, though, he doesn’t stay long!)

MALKOROK – Warchief, you have visitors waiting outside.  The elf and the undead want to see you.

GARROSH – Ah.  They’re a little early, but whatever.  Let them in.

MALKOROK – Yes sir.

(Mr. Malkorok stepped outside, then came back in with Ms. Liadrin and Dr. Zombie.)

LIADRIN – Good morning, Warchief.  I hope we’re not interrupting.

GARROSH – It’s fine.  We’re close to done here.  In fact, I think you guys are set with your orders.

ELAGLO – Yes, sir.  I still need to check with the excavation crew.

XORENTH – And I’m fairly sure Kardris and Koranathal wanted to see me about something.

GARROSH – I’ll let you get to it, then.  I’ll check in with you later.

(Mr. Elaglo and Mr. Xorenth got up and started to head toward the door.)

LIADRIN – I hope we’re not rushing you gentlemen off.  I don’t believe we’ve met, actually.  (extending her hand)  I’m Lady Liadrin, of the Blood Knights of Silvermoon.

ELAGLO – So you are.

(Mr. Elaglo and Mr. Xorenth kept walking to the door and left.  That didn’t seem very nice!)

LIADRIN – Well then.

(Mr. Warchief watched Mr. Elaglo and Mr. Xorenth, then kept watching the door for a minute before turning back to Ms. Liadrin.)

GARROSH – Okay.  So, do we have news?

LIADRIN – Dr. Faranell has finished his tests, yes sir.

GARROSH – And?

FARANELL – Congratulations.  It’s a girl.  (holding out a cigar)  Here, have a cigar.

(Mr. Warchief looked at Dr. Zombie kind of funny, then went back to talking.  I guess Mr. Warchief doesn’t smoke.  That’s good!)

GARROSH – You’re sure?

FARANELL – The results were pretty clear-cut.  (shrugs)  You’re sure you don’t want the cigar?  Seems a shame to waste it, on top of all that perfectly good ichor from the test.

LIADRIN – I must admit, sir, I can’t say I’m terribly surprised.

GARROSH – You kind of had that vibe from Shayari from the start, huh?

LIADRIN – After a fashion, sir.

FARANELL – Good call.  Cigar?

LIADRIN(sighing)  No, Doctor.

GARROSH – So that’s that…  She’s settled in okay?

LIADRIN – More or less, sir.  Though now I suppose we’re left with a few more questions to address about her situation.

GARROSH – Yeah.

LIADRIN – No doubt you’ll have security matters for you and…the overlord to consider.

GARROSH – For the time being, I want to stay pretty selective about who knows…well, who she really is.

LIADRIN – Fairly prudent, I suppose, sir.  For now, at least.  I would imagine there will be more than a few questions raised as she’s seen around Orgrimmar, of course.

GARROSH – I can deal with those.  The questions… (nodding to Malkorok) …and anyone who starts getting too nosy.

MALKOROK – I have ears in many corners of the city, Warchief.  I’ll be sure to find out if anyone is…unduly curious.

GARROSH – Good.

FARANELL – Good indeed.  Here, have a cigar.

(Mr. Malkorok glared at Dr. Zombie and grumbled a little.)

FARANELL – Cigar?  No?  No one?

GARROSH – Will you knock if off with the damn cigar!

MALKOROK – If you’ll…excuse me, Warchief, I’ll be outside…

(Mr. Malkorok grumbled a little more and left.  Yay!)

FARANELL – Oh well, fine.  More for me, then.

TAKTANI – You really shouldn’t smoke, Dr. Zombie!  It’s bad for you!

FARANELL – Hello?  Already-dead guy.

GARROSH – Tak, just stick to copying down the conversation, not joining it.

(I was just trying to help!  =(  )

LIADRIN – If I might make a further suggestion, sir, I’ve been considering the matter of Shayari’s ongoing education.  As you may recall, she was studying to be a mage in Dalaran when the purge took place.

GARROSH – Huh.  Well, we have trainers here, and I could probably have Ureda get her in with the newest shadowmages, but to tell you the truth, I don’t know if I want her handing around too much down in the Cleft of Shadow.

LIADRIN – It is, I’ve heard, something of an unsavory area, sir.

GARROSH – Among other things.  So anyway, you had an idea?

LIADRIN – Yes, sir.  I thought it might be preferable to entrust her training to someone more familiar to us.  I’ve spoken to Dr. Faranell about the matter, and he’s expressed his willingness to take Shayari on as an apprentice.

FARANELL – You left out the part about my extortionate fee.

GARROSH – Huh.  Are you sure you’d be up for a job like that, Doc?  I mean, no offense, but you never really struck me as a particularly powerful mage.

FARANELL – I’m not, really.  I’m not bad, mind you, but I’m nothing special.  Still, for training purposes, especially for the early stage Shayari’s at, high-end power isn’t nearly as important as a good knowledge base.

LIADRIN – Which is an area in which we’re actually…particularly fortunate to have a resource as rare as the good doctor.

FARANELL – Fortunate for the rest of you, anyway.

GARROSH – Uh, why’s that?  I mean I know you’re a smart guy and all, Doc, but what’s so rare about him?

LIADRIN – Well, Warchief, as you might recall, Dr. Faranell was blessed with an eidetic memory.

FARANELL – Oh yes.  Blessed.

LIADRIN – As such, he has a near-perfect retention of virtually every magic sourcebook he’s read.  And that particular capacity was… well… augmented by one of the peculiarities of Dr. Faranell’s personal history.

FARANELL – Is that what we’re calling it now?  A peculiarity?

LIADRIN – There aren’t many terms that lend themselves readily.

GARROSH – Are you two going to finish explaining this, or do I have to start guessing what the hell you’re talking about?

FARANELL – The time loop.

GARROSH – I… Oh.

LIADRIN – Yes sir.  I’m sure I needn’t remind you of the closed temporal loop Dr. Faranell sealed himself in a year or so ago.

GARROSH – Yeah, oddly enough, I remember, even without the doc’s super-memory.  It was kind of a big deal.

LIADRIN – Indeed, sir.  As it happens…well, Doctor, I imagine you can explain better than I could.

FARANELL – Yeah, so.  You know that while I was in the time loop, I kept reliving the same 11-year period over and over.  Only the thing is, each time around, I experienced that repetition individually.  So if I went around five times, it wasn’t like I experienced it once and it kept repeating without my knowing – I was aware of each time through, and knew, okay, this is pass #5.

GARROSH – Yeah, I remember that part.  And you ended up going around…crap, how many times was it?

FARANELL – 2,734.  I was in the middle of number 2,735 when I got snapped out of it again.

GARROSH – Holy shit.

FARANELL – Holy shit indeed.  Anyway, though, the point of all this is that every cycle through, I had to repeat all the things I’d originally done in that timeline, obviously, so as not to disrupt history—

GARROSH – Well, other than how you DID disrupt history, and, y’know, almost destroyed the world in the process.

FARANELL – Yes, there’s that, but nobody’s perfect.  Even me.  One thing that I realized fairly early on, though, was that even though I had to preserve all the things I was supposed to do in those years, there was also an awful lot of down time when it really didn’t matter what I was doing.  Nights when I was alone by myself at home, for instance – it really didn’t matter if I spent the time, say, doing a crossword puzzle or playing solitaire, since it would literally affect no one other than me.

GARROSH – Dude, seriously?  Crossword puzzles and solitaire?  Please tell me that’s not what you really spent your nights doing.

FARANELL – No, but I didn’t think “designing more virulent strains of plague” rolled off the tongue as well.  Shall we continue, or are you not yet finished noting how lame I was for not making varsity?

GARROSH – Yeah, fine, whatever.

FARANELL – At any rate… Well, let me put it this way.  Have you ever thought, “Boy, there are all these books I’d like to read, if only I had the time to get around to them”?

(I think Mr. Warchief might have thought Dr. Zombie wasn’t finished yet, because he didn’t say anything.  He just stood there looking at him for a minute.  I hope Mr. Warchief’s ears are okay!)

FARANELL – Okay, silly question on my part.  But you can grasp the concept of that, right?

GARROSH – Yeah, sure.  World enough and time.  Got it.

FARANELL – Well… Thanks to my…circumstances… I had over 30,000 years to get around to them.

GARROSH – Holy… Hang on.  How many books did you end up “getting around to”?

FARANELL – Pretty much all of them.

LIADRIN – And again, sir, it bears noting: he made his way, in essence, through the entire repository of written knowledge…with a photographic memory.

GARROSH(letting out a long, low whistle)  Whew.  So, yeah, you’re definitely the man for the job here, Doc.  And hey, I guess this means you get to be a professor like your brother, huh?

FARANELL – Yes, well, hopefully not too much like him.  He sort of jumped the rails there at the end.

GARROSH – Huh.  Yeah.  Actually, though, this works out pretty perfectly.  Shayari can move on over to the Undercity, she can be a little more low-profile there, you can teach her the ins and outs of all that magic crap, everybody wins.

LIADRIN – Well, sir, I hadn’t really meant that Shay should—

GARROSH – We might as well get the ball rolling right away on this, in fact.  MALKOROK!

(Mr. Malkorok leaned back in through the door.)

MALKOROK – Yes, sir?

GARROSH – Malk, Shayari is going to be going back to the Undercity with the doc here.  I want you to go with him now and help make any arrangements he needs.  Transport, storage, whatever he needs.  You clear?

MALKOROK(giving Faranell a disdainful glance)  If you wish, Warchief.

LIADRIN – Warchief, might I suggest before we go ahead with this—

GARROSH – No sense wasting time when we’ve got a winner of a plan, Liadrin.  Hop to it, Doc.  Malkorok will make sure you get whatever you need.

(Mr. Malkorok stood in the doorway and looked to Dr. Zombie while gesturing out the door.  He almost looked polite!  I wonder why he looked like something hurt…)

MALKOROK – If you’ll…come this way…undead.

FARANELL(walking to the door)  Oh good.  I was afraid my day couldn’t become any more delightful.

(Mr. Malkorok and Dr. Zombie left.)

GARROSH – Gotta hand it to you, Liadrin, that was a pretty clutch idea about the doc.

LIADRIN – Well…thank you, sir.  Although I can’t say I’d expected you to want Shayari altogether relocated to the Undercity…

GARROSH – Hey, kids her age go away to school all the time.

LIADRIN – That’s true, sir, but most of them are coming from a home that’s fairly stable to begin with.  Shayari, on the other hand, has already been uprooted once from a place she’d considered home.

GARROSH – She should be fine with Edwin looking after her.  Plus she can always zip up to Brill if she needs some fresh air.  Or fresher air.  Or, well, somewhat-less-noxious air.

LIADRIN – Yes, sir.  Although… If I might ask you something, sir?  I don’t mean to intrude into your personal matters…

GARROSH – I think that train left the station when you showed up with a surprise daughter for me.

LIADRIN – Well, sir… Have you gone to see her at all, since the other day?

GARROSH – No.  I haven’t.  I’ve been busy enough trying to take care of business and tie up all the loose ends that have been coming loose since…I… haven’t been around to un-loose them…

LIADRIN – I understand that you’re a busy man, of course, Warchief.  At the same time…she is your daughter.

GARROSH – I’m aware, yeah.

LIADRIN – Don’t you think you should?

GARROSH – When I get a chance to, Liadrin.  Worst case scenario, I’ll be sure to see her off before she takes off with Edwin, and…

LIADRIN – I understand that this has been a lot to be added to an already full plate, sir.  I’d like to reassure you, though, if you feel it would be helpful to have a sympathetic ear as a new parent — a sounding board, as it were — I would be more than happy to—

GARROSH – Not for anything, Liadrin, but what would you even know about it?

LIADRIN – More than you might suppose, Warchief.  A few years ago, shortly after the Outland campaign, I adopted a young blood elf girl from the Shattrath orphanage.  She’s fourteen years old now.  So, you see, I’m not completely unfamiliar with having no children one day, then suddenly having a grown child the next.

GARROSH – Yeah, well, that’s nice and all, Liadrin, but I’m sure I can handle it.

LIADRIN – I’m sure you can, sir.  So does that mean you’ll be going to see her?  Well before any possible departures?

GARROSH – This really isn’t any of your business, Liadrin.

LIADRIN – All things being equal, sir, I would agree.  Though given that the past several days I’ve been taking it upon myself to help her with her transition, I suppose you might say I’ve developed a bit of a vested interest.

GARROSH – Liadrin, I get what you’re trying to do, and yeah, fine, you’ve kind of got a point about me going to talk to her, but you know what?  I don’t know this girl.  She shows up out of nowhere, and I don’t know the first thing about her.  I don’t know what the fuck I’m supposed to SAY to her.

LIADRIN(smiling kindly before beginning matter-of-factly)  She grew up in Nagrand, and as a child lost her mother to a pernicious disease.  She never knew her father, only through stories, and everything she’s heard of him has told her that he’s a monster.  (walks to the door, turning back briefly before exiting)  I’m sure you’ll come up with something.

 

Paternity (part 1)

Posted in Comics with tags , , , , , , , , , on January 22, 2014 by Garrosh Hellscream

grommashhold

Picking up where we left off last time

C19_Page_1 C19_Page_2 C19_Page_3 C19_Page_4

The fire in which we burn

Posted in Transcripts with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 11, 2012 by Garrosh Hellscream

Dranosh left with the Windrunner for Theramore.  He brought Dontrag and Utvoch, which, I mean, I know this is really no time for jokes, but…HAHA!  Poor fucker.  Anyway, he’s going to see if he can find Faranell there, or in Thunder Bluff if need be.  One way or another, Mokvar and I will meet him there when we’re done on our end.

We got Mokvar hooked up with a wyvern, and we both flew down from Ashenvale to Tanaris.  Soridormi was there to greet us when we arrived at the Caverns of Time.

 

SORIDORMI:  Overlord.  Or do you still prefer “Warchief” in this reality?  It’s so hard to know what to call certain people.

GARROSH:  Doesn’t matter.  Call me whatever.

SORIDORMI:  Oh?  So if I decide “Roshy” has a nice ring to it…?

GARROSH:  Don’t get clever.

SORIDORMI:  <wry grin>  I’m afraid it’s far too late for that.

GARROSH:  <grumbles>  Fine, whatever.  While you’re being all smug and smart, though, how about this – last time I was here, seems to me you might have, you know, neglected to mention a few minor details about this world.

SORIDORMI:  In fairness, I did tell you all that there were other events that played out differently.

GARROSH:  Which you totally made sound like “I’m just glossing over this since it’s not really that important.”

SORIDORMI:  Did I?  Hardly.  Every moment is important, Garrosh.  But at the time, there was no telling how much longer I had to detail matters further.  We were – if you’ll pardon the expression – working on borrowed time.

GARROSH:  And now?

SORIDORMI:  This timeline has taken…a much firmer hold.

MOKVAR:  The last few times we’ve shifted, our time here has gotten longer, and our time in the original timeline has gotten shorter…

SORIDORMI:  <nods>  This timeline is taking over as the predominant one.  That overwriting of your reality will soon be complete, if it isn’t already.

GARROSH:  Well then, since we’re in like 2% less of a rush now, how about you fill in a few gaps for us.  Starting with, say, why it is that Orgrimmar is overrun right now by the Burning Legion and the Scourge, both of which we had pretty well under control last I checked.

SORIDORMI:  In both cases, everything hinges on certain unexpected events involving the Battle of the Wrathgate.

GARROSH:  Go on…

SORIDORMI:  After the Alliance and Horde set aside their petty conflicts and united against the Lich King, Tirion Fordring’s Argent Crusade was able to assemble a strike force of the greatest champions from both factions.  The team that Fordring would lead into Icecrown Citadel for the final assault would be far mightier even than the one that defeated Arthas in your timeline.

GARROSH:  Okay, so I’m not seeing how that leads to things being WORSE.

SORIDORMI:  It didn’t, at first.  But you’ll recall, in the time leading up to the attack, the Lich King’s chief researcher was not Professor Putricide – Patrick Faranell – but Putress.

Soridormi holds out her hand and summons an image of Rotface and Festergut.

IMAGE OF ROTFACE:  Daddy make toys out of you!  WEEEEEE!

IMAGE OF FESTERGUT:  Dead, dead, dead!  Daddy, I did it!

SORIDORMI:  Putricide’s most formidable creations, while strong, were ultimately…limited.  Undermined by a lingering sentimentality that Putricide would carry into undeath from another life.

She shakes her hand, and the image changes to that of Patrick Faranell.

IMAGE OF PATRICKBetween you, me, and the walls, I’d rather like to have a couple sons… I remember how much Dad seemed to enjoy himself with us.

SORIDORMI:  Putress’ malevolent ingenuity would have no such…humanity to temper it.  He would furnish the Lich King with constructs more monstrous and strains of blight more virulent than anything known to your timeline.

GARROSH:  Um, didn’t I ask you THIS VERY THING about Putress the last time?

SORIDORMI:  You did.  I didn’t give you an answer.

GARROSH:  INDEED YOU DIDN’T.

MOKVAR:  I think we might have distracted her, actually.

GARROSH:  Whose side are you on?

MOKVAR:  I’m on the side of us not standing around bickering over who said what and why.

GARROSH:  Fine.  So Putress invented some powerful shit, boy, don’t know why you never thought of that, Garrosh, go on please.

SORIDORMI:  Strengthened by Putress’ creations, the Lich King would ultimately defeat Fordring’s even mightier strike force.

MOKVAR:  So some of the most powerful heroes against the Scourge, from the Horde and Alliance, were all killed.

SORIDORMI:  <pauses grimly>  It would have been a kindness had they merely been killed.

Soridormi waves her hand, summoning a likeness of the Lich King.

IMAGE OF THE LICH KING:  You trained them well, Fordring.  You delivered the greatest fighting force this world has ever known…right into my hands – exactly as I intended.

MOKVAR:  By the spirits…

GARROSH:  He raised them as his minions…

SORIDORMI:  And then killed Tirion Fordring.  <closes her eyes a moment>  And then raised him

IMAGE OF THE LICH KING:  You could’ve been my greatest champion, Fordring.  A force of darkness that would wash over this world and deliver it into a new age of strife.

SORIDORMI:  …to lead his new army of Deathbringers.

Garrosh and Mokvar exchange troubled looks.

GARROSH:  Okay…  Bad news part one done…  Now what about the demons?

SORIDORMI:  A further consequence of the defeat in Icecrown Citadel…  You may recall, in your time, after the fall of the Lich King, some of his former minions would find for themselves…new allegiances.

Soridormi conjures a shimmering likeness of Sylvanas Windrunner.

IMAGE OF SYLVANAS:  With the death of the Lich King, many of the more intelligent Scourge became…unemployed… They are under my command now…

SORIDORMI:  With the Lich King victorious, the val’kyr would never ally themselves with Sylvanas.  Which would prove…unfortunate for the Forsaken.

Soridormi waves her hand.  Above her palm appears an image of Sylvanas with Lord Godfrey and High Warlord Cromush at the Greymane Wall.

IMAGE OF SYLVANAS:  Soldiers of the Horde!  We are victorious!  Lordaeron is w—

The image of Lord Godfrey draws a pistol and shoots Sylvanas point-blank.  She immediately falls dead on the ground.

IMAGE OF CROMUSH:  What have you done, Godfrey?!

IMAGE OF GODFREY:  Something that should have been done a long time ago, you filthy animal.  Gilneas belongs to me, and so soon will the rest of Lordaeron!

SORIDORMI:  In your timeline, Sylvanas was resurrected by her val’kyr servants.  Here, she had no val’kyr to save her.  Sylvanas Windrunner died – for the second and final time.  In the aftermath of her death, leadership of the Undercity would pass to Sylvanas’ second, her majordomo of several years.

The nathrezim Varimathras.

GARROSH:  Varimathras?  How?  He’s…dead…oh no…

MOKVAR:  <head sinks>  The Wrathgate…

SORIDORMI:  <nods>  Without Putress in the Undercity, Varimathras had no collaborator with whom to conspire against the Banshee Queen.  There was never a coup against Sylvanas.  And without the coup against Sylvanas, Varimathras was never exposed as the traitor he was — his true loyalties to the Burning Legion never revealed.  He carried on unimpeded, not only free to continue his scheming in the Undercity, but eventually becoming its leader.  Much time did not pass before he carried out his master plan…

She waves her hand again, summoning the fiery red likeness of a monstrous eredar.

…and summoned Kil’jaeden the Deceiver into this world.  Bringing with him countless legions of demons from the Twisted Nether.  Bringing with him the Second Fall of Lordaeron.  Most of the Eastern Kingdoms was soon to follow.

GARROSH:  Fucking hell…

MOKVAR:  Soridormi… Edwin is in this world now, we think.  If we can get him here, is there still time to undo all this?

SORIDORMI:  If we can get him back to Southshore, we should be able to reset the timelines with both Edwins at the points they need to be.

GARROSH:  Okay, great, so we’ll just collect him and get him down here and—

SORIDORMI:  Actually getting him to old Southshore, though, is no easy task, and not without problems.

GARROSH:  Dammit, I thought if I said that fast enough we could get out before the “but” kicked in.

MOKVAR:  What’s the problem?

SORIDORMI:  Sending Edwin back to period to which he’s already time-traveled involves crossing his own timeline in ways that no mortal was meant to do.

GARROSH:  Ah…the whole “no double-dipping” thing.

SORIDORMI:  To open a stable time portal for such a repeat incursion will require me to channel immense amounts of power – far more than I can summon up myself.

GARROSH:  What about the Noz?  He’s the head honcho time guy anyway, couldn’t he pull it off?

SORIDORMI:  I am…the most powerful member of the Bronze Flight here.

GARROSH:  How does that work?  I mean I get that you’ve got this secret super time vision and whatever, but no offense, how did you get to be more powerful than Noz?

MOKVAR:  Garrosh…

SORIDORMI:  I’m not.

GARROSH:  So what gives?  Where is he, any…oh…oh no…

SORIDORMI:  <looks down a moment>  For a number of reasons…the final confrontation with Deathwing proved…far more costly in this timeline than in the other.

GARROSH:  I… Wow do I feel like a jackass.

MOKVAR:  This is what it finally took, huh?

GARROSH:  So…we need a power source to tap into, then?

SORIDORMI:  That’s right.

Garrosh stares off to one side, thinking anxiously.

MOKVAR:  Not to bring up bad memories, Soridormi, but I don’t suppose the Dragon Soul is an option?

SORIDORMI:  I would be, yes…

GARROSH:  Okay, so—

SORIDORMI:  Except that it has already been returned to its own time, and retrieving it a second time would involve the type of crossing of timelines that we need the power source for in the first place.

GARROSH:  Okay, seriously, you’ve got to start leading with the “but” part of these answers.

MOKVAR:  What about the spell book that Malchezaar used to bring the demons into Orgrimmar?

SORIDORMI:  <shakes her head>  The Book of Medivh is a powerful source of portal magic, for portals within this reality, but hardly helpful for the kind of temporal manipulation we’re undertaking.

GARROSH:  <staring down, hesitant>  What about…the Focusing Iris?  From the Eye of Eternity?

SORIDORMI:  <nods slowly>  The Focusing Iris would work, yes.  As a dragon relic, in fact, it should lend itself all the more easily to my use.

MOKVAR:  Do we know where it is now?

GARROSH:  The Blue Dragonflight is keeping it in Coldarra.

SORIDORMI:  I will give you my talisman to show to the blues.  They will give you the Iris if they know you’ve been sent by me.  They’ll know I would not ask were the need not dire.

GARROSH:  Okay then.  I think we have a plan.

SORIDORMI:  Indeed, Warchief.

GARROSH:  You know what?  Just call me Garrosh.  People calling me “Warchief” here either gets confusing like with Utvoch earlier, or it’s just creepy like with Malchezaar.

MOKVAR:  We should probably get go—

SORIDORMI:  Wait, Garrosh – Malchezaar saw you, and called you “Warchief”?

GARROSH:  Yeah, why?

SORIDORMI:  <fidgets with her hands nervously>  You need to go.  Now.  Take my talisman and get to Northrend quickly to recover the Focusing Iris.

MOKVAR:  Why?  What is it?

GARROSH:  I’ve really kind of had my fill of flying blind around here.  What’s got you spooked all of a sudden?

SORIDORMI:  The Netherspace where Malchezaar dwelled was a distorted region of time.

GARROSH:  Right, I know.  Time loop, round and round, now he’s dead, now he’s not, boom.  So what?

SORIDORMI:  The Netherspace rests at the intersection of countless times.  Those who dwell there can see into the different realities – bits and pieces, usually, but one never knows.  If Malchezaar knows to call you “Warchief,” he has seen your other world.  And in that case, he may well know enough – or could deduce – how the worlds fit together and how they might be corrected.

MOKVAR:  It would really be nice if there could be some stupid people on the bad guys’ side for a change…

SORIDORMI:  The Burning Legion stands on the brink of a victory on Azeroth that it has coveted for millennia.  If they realize what we’re doing, they will not stand idly by.  We need to act quickly.

GARROSH:  Got it.  Be doing whatever you need to do to get ready, Soridormi.  We’ll be back with Edwin and the Focusing Iris.

SORIDORMI:  I hope so, Garrosh.  Titans watch over you.

 

We winged it double-time to Thunder Bluff.  I’m writing from there now.  Dranosh and the others haven’t arrived yet, but I’ve sent a messenger to Theramore with the barest bare-bones of what we need to do.  I’m guessing he’ll be headed here by nightfall, morning at the latest, and then we can get moving.

Next stop, Northrend.

 

 

[Sylvanas and Kil’jaeden images above provided by Rioriel from Postcards From Azeroth, reproduced here with permission and many thanks.  Click on the links in the previous sentence to see the souped-up Postcards versions!]

Monday mailbag

Posted in Mailbag with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 30, 2012 by Garrosh Hellscream

It’s been a while since the last mailbag, so while I’ve got a break in the action, let’s see what’s piled up the last few weeks…

 

Dear Warchief,

Since Faranell has effectively retired from the Royal Apothecary Society, I’m wondering if Sylvanas is taking applications for a new Master Apothecary?  I’m a veteran alchemist who’s been at the craft for several years.  I even worked out a formula to turn myself into a dragon – rar!  Any chance you could put in a good word for me?

–Karelien, Silvermoon City

Sorry to tell you, Karelien, the master apothecary job is already filled.  Once it got decided that Faranell was being moved over to Hearthglen, Sylvanas went ahead and did a promotion from within, and appointed Apothecary Zinge to take over as head of the RAS.  If you want, I could maybe see about getting you into some kind of entry-level position over there.  Not what you were shooting for, I know, but you have to start somewhere.  I get the sense that Sylvanas doesn’t do a lot of hiring from the outside, so if you want to have any shot at all at the higher positions, you probably need to already be on the ladder.

If you do land a job over there, by the way, could I maybe ask you to keep an eye on Overseer Kraggosh, and just try to discourage him from packing away so many cheesy steak melts?  I’m all for steak, but I swear the Undercity’s got rivers of viscous slime that have a smoother flow to them than that dude’s arteries.

 

Hey mon,

Do you know where Mankrik’s wife be at?

–Bob, Echo Isles

Oh, geez, this guy again.

I already addressed this one like a zillion times last year, when I was making an inspection stop in the Barrens.  Where – just to recap – somebody was asking about Mankrik’s wife like every five minutes.  Over and over.  Fuck, people are annoying.

Here’s where the joke’s on you, though, Bobby-Boy.  Back THEN, I might have taken the bait and started ranting at you about his wife having a memorial and all that shit.  NOW, though, you ask me where Mankrik’s wife is, and you know what?  You’re gonna have to specify WHICH ONE.  That’s right, over the last year or so, our boy Mankrik has managed to calm down a little (and holy shit did he need it), courtesy of a whole bunch of consoling and support from this Earthen Ring shaman named Mahka.  The two of them wound up growing pretty close, and a few months ago, they decided to make it official and held a quiet life-mate ceremony in Mulgore.  If you’re wondering why you didn’t hear about this, well, let’s face it, Thrall’s wedding pretty much pushed everybody else’s deal to the back pages.  Self-Important Green Savior Finally Gets Some, stop the presses.  Whatever.

Oh, and for the record, the first Mrs. Mankrik?  Still dead.  Let’s hope things stay that way (you never know about that shit these days), or things might get kind of awkward.

 

Hey Warchief,

So, crossbow to your head, what do you think – Mylune or Garona?  You know what I’m askin.

–Backstab Bladeflurry

Okay, so before I answer your question, Backstab, I have to ask.  That’s your name?  Seriously?  Backstab Bladeflurry?  I mean, I KNOW that can’t be your ACTUAL name, because I don’t think ANYONE could hate their kid that much.  But you know, the thought that you made up a name for yourself, and that’s the one you came up with…that might actually be even sadder.  Seriously, dude, how old are you?  Because that sounds like the kind of name you would get if you let a 10-year-old name himself, assuming “Videogame K. Dinosaur” was already taken.

Also, I’m guessing you’re…what…a rogue?  Gonna stick my neck WAY out there.  Come on, man, if you’re going to make up a name for yourself, it’s bad enough you’re making it a stupid-sounding name.  But a stupid-sounding name that’s just a list or your class abilities?  Come on.  Do you think people would take me seriously if I went around introducing myself as Overpower Heroicstrike?  Or maybe Saurfang could start calling himself Cleave McCleaveyouagain?  (To be fair, he might possibly be able to carry that off.)  Or, hey, Liadrin is a paladin, maybe she should start calling herself Holy Divine Light Shield Shock Hammer Flash Righteous Hand.  Really, the only time that kind of a name even kind of worked was with Rend Blackhand, and look how great things wound up going for him.

Anyway, I just had to get that out of my system.  Now for your question.

No.

 

Dear Warchief,

I’m writing to ask if you have any idea why people keep trying to kill me.  I’m generally a fairly peaceful fellow, but random strangers keep coming into the inn where I’m just trying to have a drink and attacking me.  I don’t want to hurt anyone, but they’re not leaving me any choice but to defend myself.  But I don’t understand why they keep doing it.

–Gamon, Orgrimmar

Yeah, Gamon, I’ve heard the ruckus over there a few times, what with you having to lay the smackdown on some noobs every once in a while.  Gotta be honest, this one has me stumped.  I can’t think of any reason people might have for coming after you, you’ve always seemed like a pretty good dude to me.  Maybe… I know it’s kind of the pat to-go answer for people going all violent and hostile, but I don’t know, like…the Old Gods?  Maybe?  Dunno.

Good luck not dying, though.

 

Dear Warchief Hellscream:

I am writing to you on behalf of His Lordship, the honorable Tirion Fordring.  In the interests of saving time and paper, I have volunteered to write this note to you in the Highlord’s stead.

The Highlord appreciates the faith you demonstrated in entrusting him with the supervision of Dr. Edwin Faranell.  In that same spirit of good faith, the Highlord wishes to make you aware of certain oddities that have recently occurred involving the doctor.

The good doctor has generally been adjusting well to his new life here in Hearthglen, but the past several days he has experienced momentary bouts of disorientation, in which he has become briefly confused as to what is going on around him.  Following these episodes, he has claimed to have experienced what would seem to be a kind of hallucination: seeing and hearing events transpiring around him that clearly did not occur.

The Highlord suspects that the doctor is suffering from some sort of mental distress as a result of the radical change his life has undertaken.  Lord Fordring is quite concerned about Dr. Faranell’s well-being, and would welcome the opportunity to discuss this turn of events with you further.  We have faith that we may yet guide the doctor to a successful acclimation to his current time and place.

–Daria L’Rayne, Argent Crusade

Oh crap, here we go.  I’d hoped that Faranell would be able to settle in without any problems, but I guess that was wishful thinking.  I can’t say I’m really surprised that he’s kind of shellshocked by the whole thing – I mean, if YOU woke up one morning and all of a sudden it was years later, and half the people you used to know were dead, and the other half were zombies, and whole dominions had risen and fallen, and spirits know how many other things had gone down, yeah, you’d probably have a hard time just walking that off, too.  I know I would probably shit a brick.

So, I guess I’m going to need to take a trip over to Eastern Kingdoms again to go see Tirion.  I wonder if there’s any way I could get this Daria chick to hold the info session rather than Tirion, though – she seems like she would probably be a lot less painful to talk to, not least of all because I’m pretty sure this letter would have filled up about 37 pages minimum if it were Tirion writing it.  Damn good thing he’s got a logging camp right nearby, considering all the paper he probably goes through, is all I’m gonna say.

So, yeah, I’ll have to see about getting that trip lined up.  That said, though, seriously, I was just OVER in Eastern Kingdoms like two days ago.  Would it really KILL people to time these crises so that I don’t have to go zig-zagging all over the map?  So fucking inconsiderate.

 

That’s all for this week.  I’m going to try to be a little more consistent about posting mailbags, so keep those letters and questions coming – first because it’s always good to hear from my loyal readers and minions, second because I’m always happy (well, usually happy…well, sometimes happy…okay, okay, occasionally it doesn’t totally piss me off) to answer your questions, and third because YOUR WARCHIEF DEMANDS IT.  Send those letters to me at garrosh1337@gmail.com, and I’ll do another roundup in a couple weeks.