Archive for jaina proudmoore

And, if we turn a blind eye to who’s still around canonically…

Posted in EPIC VERSE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 10, 2015 by Garrosh Hellscream

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EPIC VERSE BATTLES OF AZEROTH!

VAROK SAURFANG

VS.

THE LICH KING

BEGIN!

LICH KING:

I find the irony delightful and the arrogance sublime
For you to hope in my domain that you could wield the coldest rhymes.
You’ll learn the meaning of fear now, and the chill of the grave;
Not a soul is going to help you – they’re all trapped in my blade.
Every foe that I defeat is a new minion to employ;
You say you named him Dranosh – do you miss your little boy?
I kill fathers and sons; I’ve already slayed the Younger.
Now it’s dinner time, orc…and Frostmourne hungers.

SAURFANG:

You can save your strangulation, its rotation’s gonna switch,
For it seems that Varok Saurfang’s going to have to choke a lich.
Your runeblade has a name and people tremble while beholding;
You know why they fear my axe? It’s the one Saurfang is holding.
Sucking souls; your own: unneeded. Uther’s warning went unheeded.
You might once have been the heir, but you never once succeeded.
You’re the king of Frozen Thrones, but your chilling’s getting thawed,
’Cause I’m the one both factions turn to when they need to kill a god.

LICH KING:

<channeling a spell>
I’d stay to slay you, orc, but there’re things I need to do.
Falric! Marwyn! Bring me his corpse when you’re through.

[The Lich King summons Falric and Marwyn, then exits up a hallway.]

FALRIC:

By your order, my liege!

MARWYN:

                                             This invader shall fall!

FALRIC:

Now your humble soldiers rise to meet their master’s call.
Your despair is so delicious and your fear exhilarating.
Your reputation might precede you, but it’s textbook overrating.
It’s two against one orc and even you can do the math:
Your fate will be no different – none are spared the master’s wrath.

MARWYN:

When the master ravaged Stratholme we were standing by his side,
And we saw the look Terenas made that moment as he died.
Your rhymes are weak as Silvermoon when master went attacking.
Now we’ve surveyed our enemy, and we have found him lacking.

SAURFANG:

I don’t waste my time on red-shirts but since Arthas had to leave,
Come at me, boys, in double file – now eat my verbal
                                                                  CLEAVE.

While your king walks afar
                                     You others cover and flock
To spar, but I’ll knock ajar
                                         One and another and block – so far
Your knocks may shock on par
                                         To smother and sock and scar
But your talk and mocks won’t mar
                                              The brother of Broxigar.
You took all your best shots but every one of them missed;
You’re getting schooled, children –

[Saurfang cleaves both Falric and Marwyn’s heads off with one swing.]

                                                     Now class is dismissed.

[Saurfang heroic leaps into the next room, where the Lich King is holding Jaina Proudmoore and Sylvanas Windrunner at bay.]

You don’t get away that easy, no escape from pending loss;
I just took out the trash, so now you’d better be a boss.
Orc dictator, human traitor, “See you later,” what a “hero.”
So you run, “Now we are one,” but when I’m done, you will be zero.

LICH KING:

No questions stay unanswered; you’re the answer to my plans;
For clearly yours are verses greatest of the also-rans —
You know your place, I’ll grant you, rallied by your leader’s pennant:
Such a hero, such a legend, such a permanent lieutenant.
If ambition drove your mission, its commission might unnerve us,
But you’ve cleared the way, and now you’ll stay forever in my service:
Dead, deployed, to destroy, like your son with death to bring:
In the last, when you’ve passed, you will all serve the king.

 

WHO WON?

WHO’S NEXT?

YOU DECIDE!

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EPIC VERSE BATTLES OF AZEROTH!

Meanwhile, on the Isle of Thunder…

Posted in EPIC VERSE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 3, 2015 by Garrosh Hellscream

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EPIC VERSE BATTLES OF AZEROTH!

LOR’THEMAR THERON

VS.

JAINA PROUDMOORE

BEGIN!

JAINA:

For years I was a dove but now that’s taken a dive;
Fool me once, then shame on you, but fool me twice, you won’t survive.
So I’ve gone on the offensive and I’m finished with forgiving;
You want to battle? Magic words are what I do for a living.
I’ve come a long way since I studied under Antonidas;
I’m still carrying the burdens of the Theramore detritus.
Now it seems you want to fight us; it’ll really just delight us,
’Cause I’ll crush your rhymes so hard you’re best off faking laryngitis.
Now I’ll throw my hands up, tear all my peace-mongering asunder, bring
My Kirin Tor contingent to the doorstep of the Thunder King.
Rhonin read an omen, so he passed me the baton;
Now I’ll purge you from this island like the Horde from Dalaran.
This won’t be pretty, pretty boy, so brace yourself, prepare,
Better cover up your eyes – oh, wait, you’re halfway there.
Don’t know who even sent you, not sure where we met or when,
But you kind of look familiar – tell me, what’s your name again?

LOR’THEMAR:

My name is—

JAINA:

What?

LOR’THEMAR:

My name is—

JAINA:

Who?

LOR’THEMAR:

I’m—

JAINA:

Johnny Awesome, maybe?

LOR’THEMAR:

<glares>
Okay, that’s it, I’ve had enough! That really does it – ladies!

[Scout Captain Elsia and Ellendra Palescorn appear behind Lor’themar.]

LOR’THEMAR:

You can talk a lot of trash, but the man that you’re not naming’s
Gonna serve you up your ass while his fans are all proclaiming that he’s

ELSIA and ELLENDRA:

Lor’themar!

LOR’THEMAR:

                         I don’t need an introduction,

ELSIA and ELLENDRA:

Lor’themar!

LOR’THEMAR:

                         Don’t need city reconstruction,

ELSIA and ELLENDRA:

Lor’themar!

LOR’THEMAR:

                         Don’t need Icecrown tissues;
I’ve got twice your regal majesty and half your daddy issues – I’m

ELSIA and ELLENDRA:

Lor’themar!

LOR’THEMAR:

                         Don’t need to lose my calm,
’Cause I’ll drop rhymes on you just like a mana bomb.
Until my ’Reavers are freed, don’t have to heed your screed
Or concede misdeed – know what else I don’t need?

ELSIA and ELLENDRA:

Lor’themar!

LOR’THEMAR:

                         Don’t need color care,
’Cause I don’t need blonde highlights in my blast-bleached hair, and

ELSIA and ELLENDRA:

Lor’themar!

LOR’THEMAR:

                         Don’t need dragon food,
’Cause I don’t need to go reptile when I’m in the mood.

ELSIA and ELLENDRA:

Lor’themar!

LOR’THEMAR:

                         Don’t need a back-up city!
I’ve got rhymes three times as vicious and a face that’s twice as pretty.

ELSIA and ELLENDRA:

Lor’themar!

LOR’THEMAR:

So keep your prophecy-of-Rhonin shit –
Don’t recognize my name? Neither do I – ’cause you’re not moanin’ it.

JAINA:

I tried my hand with humans, orcs, and elves but that was tragic;
After unbecoming slumming I traded up, Aspect of Magic.
So keep on trying fruitlessly to conjure up a scandal; it’s
No fault of mine a man’s got to be a dragon just to handle it.
I rose by acclamation to the leadership I shoulder;
As for you? You got defaulted – and you’re still just a placeholder.
You’ll always be a punch line, even more when seen in action:
You’re the seventh-string leader of a six-race faction.

LOR’THEMAR:

I took a broken people, rallied them to something greater;
You rose to rule two cities, and they’re both on maps as craters.
You’re the village epic mount, you’re a forty-man raid,
You 180’ed and betrayed your Mary Sue charade –
Because you always played the part of diplomat to the death:
Now you’re a real-life EO Lady Macbeth.
Now I’ll stop Allies on the one side, on the other stage a coup –
’Cause I even fight Horde Warchiefs better than you.

[Taran Zhu flies in on a cloud serpent and jumps in between them.]

TARAN ZHU:

ENOUGH! You’ve all been sparring since you set foot in this land,
And you’ve waged your endless race war, only I can’t understand
If you’re so hell-bent to kill each other with your sword and shield
Why it’s so damn vital that you make my home your battlefield!
There’s been nothing here but trouble since you Horde and Allies came,
And I’m tired of putting up with Lady J and what’s-his-name!
I’m sick of the division; I’ll take no side in this debate –
For I know you Sha-of-Haters are just going to Sha-of-Hate.
Each aggression draws reprisal, vengeance not for the fainthearted, it
Goes on and on in circles – I don’t care who fucking started it!
For years I’ve stood upon the wall to hold back mantid masses;
Now I’ll stand between you till you pull your heads out of your asses.
Awaking Shas of Anger, Hate, and Violence weren’t enough?
Then I’ll leave you with a cup of Sha of Shut the Fuck Up!
That’s it – I’ve wasted too much breath already on you two!
I must go! I’m out, bitches! There’s work I’ve got to do!

[Taran Zhu jumps onto his cloud serpent and flies off, leaving Jaina and Lor’themar staring quizzically.]

WHO WON?

WHO’S NEXT?

YOU DECIDE!

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EPIC VERSE BATTLES OF AZEROTH!

"Lady."  "Lord."

“Lady.”   “Lord.”

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Posted in Comics with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on August 28, 2014 by Garrosh Hellscream

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* Garrosh elegantly summarizes the salient points of Mokvar’s own account of his past, which he detained here and here.  There’s also this breakdown of Mokvar’s ongoing saga, but at this point, is anybody really not caught up yet?

** Spazzle filled Garrosh in on what he knew, re: Mokvar, in this post and its aftermath.

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* Surely everyone remembers the infamous binary punchcard from Gnomergan, right?

 

Spazzle Speaks: Family Ties

Posted in Spazzle Speaks, Transcripts with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 9, 2014 by Garrosh Hellscream

earthonline12

You have logged on.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] That’s what I told him, but I think we may just have to humor him for the time being.

[Officer][Lorthemar] Once we finish our work on the animus golem here, we should be able to augment our resources.

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] thanks!

[Officer][Lorthemar] Oh, hello, Spazzle.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] You -do- seem to have been spending a lot of time on that of late.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Good evening, Spazzle.

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] np

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] hey guys

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Hey, mon.

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] anyway hate to craft and run but i need to log for now

[Officer][Lorthemar] Well I suspect it’s going to yield some very useful results, once Aethas gets done with it.

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: hey

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: how are you feeling?

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] later leslie

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] i have some magic research to go work on

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] how’s everyone doing?

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Better, mon.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] You’ll have to keep me posted of your progress.

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: I jus’ got one ting I got to do here in Pandaria, den I be ready to come back to Durotar.

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] too bad prof’s not on, he could probably help you

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Start workin’ on cleanin’ up da mess dere.

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] lol oh dont get me started with him again

[Officer][Lorthemar] Oh, speaking of which, it looks like Jaina is doing some magic research herself.

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: that’s good, I’m glad you’re almost recovered

[ProfHubert | Faranell] has logged on.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Something of a quiet night tonight, Spazzle.

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: What about you, mon? I haven’t heard much from ya in a while.

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] oh hey there he is

[Officer][Lorthemar] Now I just have to see…

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: eh, it’s just been kinda crazy here

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] omg i’m leaving so dont try to get him started

[Guild][Lorthemar] What kind of research, Leslie?

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: I bet, mon.

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: i’m in the burning steppes with garrosh

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: looking for ji

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] started on what?

[Guild][Lorthemar] I’ve been working with a number of mages myself of late.

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: we just landed in flame crest a little while ago

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Ah, well it’s good to see him logging on, I suppose.

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] leslie’s doing some kind of magic research

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Ya talk to Ariok dere, mon?

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] who, faranell? why’s that?

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] oh its actually really cool lor

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I’m actually not entirely clear on the details, Spazzle.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] One moment.

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: no, he’s not here, that’s the thing

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] well that should be…adequate.

[Guild][Lorthemar] Oh? How so?

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: vahgruk says ji came here a couple days ago

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: i guess ariok went with him to blackrock spire to look for clues about mokvar

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Yes, Leslie, this sounds interesting indeed. What are you working on, pray tell?

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] ok my dungeon queue just popped, probably going to be quiet for a few

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] omg prof geez

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Might be some fireworks is ya find ’em, mon. Ariok ain’t no fan o’ da Warchief.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] At any rate.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Evidently there was some sort of calamity at the Apothecarium earlier.

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: yeah, so I hear

[Officer][Lorthemar] I must admit, if it weren’t necessary for us to be discreet about who we are, I would love to lord our animus research over her.

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] what kind of calamity?

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Matter of fact, mon –

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Ariok heard how Garrosh been treatin’ Eitrigg, he might take care of our ‘Warchief’ problems himself.

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] well

[Officer][Lorthemar] You know she would burn up with jealousy if she knew what we have on our hands.

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: I’m not going to… I don’t even know what you’re suggesting, but I’m not going to

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I’m not sure; the good doctor has been rather secretive the last few days.

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] not to brag but

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] we drained the power of the thunder king into a staff!

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: I know ya don’ wanna hear it, mon, but da sooner we do somethin’ ’bout Garrosh, da easier it gonna be for all of us.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Though I’m not likely to complain – whatever is going on down there has prompted Bragor Bloodfist to spend much of his time in the Apothecarium as well, which means less time with him hovering around me.

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Garrosh wouldn’t help Ji.

[Officer][Lorthemar] …

[Officer][Lorthemar] klsjdhfgkjshgdfskjhgfkjsdfgkjhsgfd

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Ariok is.

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: I understand why.

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] huh, okay

[Officer][Lorthemar] she

[Officer][Lorthemar] she drained the power… of…

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Ariok see Ji, an’ all he know is he’s Horde, and he need help, and he gonna give it to ’im.

You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: hey

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Garrosh, he don’ see tings dat way.

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] anyway!

[Officer][Lorthemar] 9oqwuolieyurgt;poayhgbihgbolugf

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] i need to run!

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Garrosh don’t see nothin’ but power an’ vengeance, mon.

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: He don’t see da Horde like Ariok, or me. Or you.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] A propos of nothing, Lor’themar, you strike me as someone who might know a thing or two about fine dining. Would you happen to know what type of wine goes best with crow?

[ProfHubert | Faranell] whispered: well hello, person who’s never talked to me before but now takes a sudden inexplicable interest.

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] see everyone soon!

[Proudleslie | Jaina] has logged off.

[SteveKravitz | Utvoch] has logged on.

You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: um, yeah, sorry

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Da way I see it, da Horde is family.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Good evening, Dontrag.

[Officer][Lorthemar] I… just… she… HOW?

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Interesting.

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Da world knock us down, family pick each other back up again.

[Officer][Lorthemar] What?!

[Officer][Lorthemar] HOW?

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] hey

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Three excellent questions, Regent-Lord.

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Garrosh, he don’t see family.

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Don’t understand it.

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Never had one.

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] but i’m utvoch

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh, is that your alias, then?

[Officer][Lorthemar]  I think I need to go lie down.

You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: I just heard about the… whatever, down in the apothecarium

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] lol what?

[Officer][Lorthemar]  This is not good for my rage.

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: you never met lakkara, did you?

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Well, it’s a curious thing, Dontrag.

You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: is everything okay?

[Lorthemar] has logged off.

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Who dat, mon?

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Just now, Jaina Proudmoore logged off. And a few seconds later, you logged on.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Or should I say, you logged -back- on.

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] yeah i logged back in, haven’t gotten to play in a couple days

[ProfHubert | Faranell] whispered: i’ll manage.

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: never mind

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh come now, Dontrag.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Or whoever you really are.

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: anyway, we’ve been over this before

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] that would be utvoch

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] So you would have us believe.

You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: what about shay? is she okay?

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: I ain’t gonna keep on ya, mon.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Do you really think we wouldn’t put two and two together?

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] well no, two and two is pretty easy math

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] And yet far greater than the calculus of your deception would presume us capable of!

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] um what?

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispers: Ya a good mon, Spazzle. I know ya don’ wanna turn on someone ya tink is a friend.

[ProfHubert | Faranell] whispers: i’m sure shayari is wonderful, wherever she is.

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispers: Ya be loyal. Dat’s a good ting.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] How long have you been Jaina Proudmoore, Dontrag?

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] dontrag’s not even here

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh no? Then to whom am I speaking? Are you -still- Jaina Proudmoore?

You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: wait

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Nay, have you in fact been Jaina Proudmoore lo this entire time in the guild?

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Time gonna come, though, ya gonna have ta decide how long ya gonna be loyal ta Garrosh, when he ain’t loyal ta us.

You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: wait

You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: what???

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] no i mean dontrag is over in the valley of honor visiting his nephew ug’thok

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] he should be on soon though

You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: where is she??

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh come now, Dontrag, don’t insult our intelligence.

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] why would i do that

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] If you’re going to make up a cover story, at least keep your lies straight.

[ProfHubert | Faranell] whispered: that’s the 5000g question, now isn’t it?

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] We all know Utvoch isn’t your nephew.

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] what

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] no no not utvoch, ug’thok

You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: what happened??

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Don’t try to hide behind an obvious typographical error, Dontrag.

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] i’m utvoch

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Or are you Ug’thok?

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Or perhaps Ig’thak?

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Or Jig’nak?

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Or – as the trail grows clearer – JAINA!

[ProfHubert | Faranell] whispered: well, she was settling in well enough, and we were starting to go over a few lessons.

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] i’m confused

[GilbertRose | Dontrag] has logged on.

[ProfHubert | Faranell] whispered: she seemed to be taking more of an interest in azerothian geography, but i figured she was curious about the lay of the land in her new home, so i ran through an overview for her.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh, and here’s your alleged nephew.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Or might it be Kalecgos? All bets are off at this point.

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] um, whats going on?

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] who’s kalecgos?

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] WHO INDEED!

[ProfHubert | Faranell] whispered: and evidently, she spotted a vacation destination that looked too good to pass up, because off she went.

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] what the hell?

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] But one thing at a time!

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] We were just discussing, Utvoch, how your uncle, heretofore known by his alias of “Dontrag,” has at last been exposed!

You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: you can’t be serious

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] dammit ut what did you do

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] i swear i just logged on

You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: you let her run away?!

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] As his true identity, Jaina Proudmoore!

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] and said where you were

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] wait, what about jaina?

[ProfHubert | Faranell] whispered: i didn’t LET her do anything.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] The woman who has incurred the rightful wrath of the Horde!

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] isn’t that the lady that was in all those tabloids with thrall?

[ProfHubert | Faranell] whispered: as the swollen purple region on my head will readily attest.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Ruthlessly persecuted our citizens in Dalaran!

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Indeed! Sullied the good name of a beloved Warchief!

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] ok but what about her?

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Don’t act like you don’t know, Ug’thok.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] If that -is- your real name.

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] wait, ug’thok is my nephew

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] that’s what i tried to tell her

[ProfHubert | Faranell] whispered: incidentally, i’ll be sending garrosh the bill for the repairs to my jaw.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] No, Ug’thok is -Dontrag’s- nephew.

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] right but i’m dontrag

[ProfHubert | Faranell] whispered: it was brand new, too.

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] and i’m utvoch

[ProfHubert | Faranell] whispered: typical.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Now don’t be ridiculous, the both of you.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Why, if -you- were Utvoch, Dontrag, then that would mean that you are also Dontrag’s nephew.

You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: man seriously

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] no that’s ug’thok not utvoch

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] And clearly you could not be his nephew.

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] right because we’re not related

You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: you have GOT to find her

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Because JAINA PROUDMOORE IS NO ONE’S NEPHEW!

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] ok you know, i’ve been out of my dungeon for a while, but i’m just sitting here in awe, BQ

[ProfHubert | Faranell] whispered: capital idea. how do you suggest i do that?

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] um

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] …

You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: I… I don’t know, can’t you home in on her or something?

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] i’m really confused

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] It therefore stands to reason, Dontrag, that since you are Jaina, and as such cannot be Utvoch, it must therefore be Dontrag who is Utvoch, and therefore your nephew.

[ProfHubert | Faranell] whispered: this isn’t some sci-fi/fantasy novel, i can’t just wave a magic wand.

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] my eyes are starting to hurt

[ProfHubert | Faranell] whispered: well i can. but you know what i mean.

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] but how can he be my nephew, i’m an only child

You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: dude really

You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: that time I lost a BOOK garrosh loaned me, he beat me till I was green and brown

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] SEE? And the tangled web of your would-be deception comes further unraveled!

[ProfHubert | Faranell] whispered: aren’t you always green and brown?

You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: a DARKER SHADE – goblins bruise differently, ok??

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] i think i need some grog

You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: the point is, that was just a book – you lost his DAUGHTER, man!

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] yea me to

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] are you having fun?

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Perhaps you can conjure some, Jaina.

You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: ugh I need to go

You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: you need to get on this, really

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] um

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Does it show? ^_^

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] whatever

[SteveKravitz | Utvoch] has logged off.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] At any rate.

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] i guess we’ll be back later.

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] I need to take off – see you later

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I’m glad we cleared all this up.

[GilbertRose | Dontrag] has logged off.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Take care, Spazzle.

[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin] Dark Lady, I jus’ gotta say, dat was beautiful.

You have logged off.

 

 

[Addendum!  Remember, we have our next Meta Raid coming up this Saturday at 8:00 PM EDT.  Just as a logistical matter, I’d appreciate it if anyone who thinks they’re likely to attend would let me know, whether it be through a comment, an e-mail, a message on Twitter, or what-have-you.  Looking forward to “seeing” many of you over the weekend!]

Birth announcement

Posted in General, Transcripts with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 26, 2014 by Garrosh Hellscream

earthonline11

Faranell’s gotten things lined up for Shayari’s move to the Undercity.  She won’t be leaving for a couple days still, but everything should be in order.  That also leaves me some time to get down there to see how she’s doing before she heads out of town.  I haven’t gotten much of a chance to go see her yet – yeah, yeah, I know, even after Liadrin made such a stink over it – what with everything else I need to take care of around here.  I’m not going to be in Orgrimmar much longer than Shayari, only in my case, when I leave I need to know everything is set to run smoothly while I’m in Pandaria, and in order to make sure that happens…well, come on.  You’ve seen the pinhead minions I’m surrounded with, mostly.  Hell, even Malkorok has been in lousy spirits (yes, even by Malkorok standards) ever since he got back from helping the doc with Shay’s arrangements the other day.

Anyhow, point being, there’s been a shitload of stuff going on.  We’ve got some major construction projects in the works, which means we’re going to need tons of resources.  Lumber, fuel, the whole nine yards.  We even need to up the food supplies just to feed all the extra workers we’re bringing in.  In order to keep up with the demands, I’m reassigning some Kor’kron to the Barrens to work on gathering resources.  On the plus side, all the manpower we need pretty much means there’s no such thing as unemployment in Orgrimmar anymore.  (That should look pretty damn nice on my record when I run for reelection.  OH WAIT, THAT’S NOT HOW IT WORKS, I’M APPOINTED FOR LIFE.  Suck THAT, would-be rivals from within my own party.)

Needless to say, all this has kept me pretty busy with meetings and planning sessions and OH DID I MENTION THE FUCKING PAPERWORK?  And this time around I can’t even shuffle it off on Eitrigg, since he’s being all pissy about being quasi-sorta-kinda-demoted.  Things have been so packed, schedule-wise, that I’ve barely had a chance to catch any down time…but, seeing as this is the first time in months that I’ve actually had a stable internet connection…

 

You have logged on.

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji]  but if you get a buff from eating, why don’t you a bigger buff if you eat more?

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Well well, look who we have here!

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  because they want you to go do things in the game, not sit around eating all day

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  A good day to you, daddy dearest.

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji]  well that’s just crazy talk

[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza]  Hello Omgipwnedurface

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  …

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  HI PWN

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji]  hi omgipwnedurface

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  hey boss

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  So I’m guessing you’ve talked to Faranell

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  wait, what?

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  GOOD TO SEE YOU ON

[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered:  hello, garrosh, i was wondering if i could have a word with you

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  I swear I didn’t say anything to her, boss

You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]:  Oh this should be good

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Yeah hi

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  He emailed me earlier, yes sir.

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Oh yeah, I know YOU’RE all about keeping secrets, Half-Pint

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Faranell, that is.  Not Spazzle.

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  NOT ME

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  yeah

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  By way of making arrangements for the arrival of…what was her name again?

[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered:  hey, did you get my email?

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  I HOPE YOUR CONNECTION IS BETTER

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Shayari

You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]:  Yeah, I did

[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered:  well i’ve been thinking about the mokvar situation – it seems like his problems all go back to blackrock mountain, so i was thinking maybe if did some looking around there we might be able to come up with some new leads

You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]:  I think I get why you did what you did, not that it still doesn’t irritate the fuck out of me

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  no really, whats with the daddy dearest thing?

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Ah yes, Shayari.  Lovely name.  Does it mean anything?

[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered:  well, I think that was everything mokvar told me about his past as a mercenary and the attacks on him

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Yeah, I’m back home on my normal connection

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Oh, you haven’t heard, Gayle?

You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]:  It better be.  I’ve had more than enough of everybody running around with secrets

[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered:  i was talking to eitrigg a few days ago and he mentioned his son lives near there, and knows blackrock mountain well, so he might be able to help investigate

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  OH COOL

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Oh fucking hell

[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered:  me too

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Well apparently it means “I think I’ll go blab” in banshee-talk

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Our esteemed guild leader is a father.

You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]:  Okay, so tl;dr, you’re still picking at the damn Mokvar thing, and what a shock, now Eitrigg is encouraging you in continuing to be a pain in the ass

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  …

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Here we go

You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]:  Now listen to me because I’m only going to say this once

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  oh boy…

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  …

[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza]  Congratulations Omgipwnedurface

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  ok

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  YAH GRATS

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  ok

[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza]  Thats wonderful news

You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]:  I don’t give a shit what Mokvar had gotten himself into.  By the time he got shown the door, he’d burned about fifteen bridges, and I’m past the point of caring why.  He’s dead.  And if he’s not dead, he might as well be, because he’s dead to ME

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  ok

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  WHAT???

You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]:  So whatever hairbrained scheme you’ve got in mind, drop it.  Let it GO.  THE END

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  You really had to, huh?

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  ^_^

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  he’s

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  WHAT

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  A bouncing baby girl, if I’m told correctly.

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] … … … …

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  I mean…seriously?

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Well, to be fair, Warchief…

[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered:  if you say so, sir

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  THATS AWESOME PWN

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  ok so obviously I must have been staring at an old god or something

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Dontrag and Utvoch haven’t logged on in weeks.  Jaina hasn’t been on as much lately.

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  because I MUST have gone insane and thought I just read that

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  I need to amuse myself -somehow-.

[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza]  Mrs Pwnurface must be so excited

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Oh, I know, Gayle; at first I thought the news was too good to be true as well!

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  oh yes

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  yes PWN, let’s HEAR about mrs pwnurface

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  For fuck’s sake

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  HOW ABOUT HER PWN

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  You know what

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Again, out of fairness, Warchief, I’m not even lying.

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  She’s DEAD, actually, if you must know

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  When Faranell told me, my first thought honestly was, “Oh, this is too good.”

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  OH YIKES

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Okay, so listen, after this, could you PLEASE zip it about the kid?

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  you’re spiritsdamned right she’s dead

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  I was planning to try to keep this hush-hush for now

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Oh course, dear Warchief.

[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza]  I’m so sorry Omgipnedurface

[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza]  Was it in childbirth

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Henceforth I will keep your secret locked away in the securest of figurative underground vaults as if it were a recalcitrant death knight.

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  No, it was later

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  She got sick from a plague, basically

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  A plague?  Oh dear, it wasn’t one of ours, was it?

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  OH

[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza]  Oh dear

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  That is, rather…it -wasn’t- one of ours, certainly.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Since obviously we have long since stopped making plague.

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  WAIT HOW LONG AGO COULD THIS BE IF YOU’RE A NEW DAD

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  What plague, actually?  Did someone mention plague?

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  That sounds ghastly to me.

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  YES

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Okay look

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  EXACTLY HOW LONG AGO

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Ick, plague, I say.  Blech!

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  How are -you- today, Spazzle?

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  I’m going to go over this once and then have done with it, okay?

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  And YOU STFU ALREADY GAYLE

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  hey, don’t try to drag me into this

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  I’m in enough trouble already

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  oh oh I’m all ears

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  you’re on your own!

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Oh, drat.

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  NOT UNLESS “EAR” IS THE NEW WORD FOR “MOUTH” AND I MISSED THE FUCKING MEMO OR SOMETHING

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  FINE

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Okay

[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered:  I mean SERIOUSLY, WTF??

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  So yeah, I’ve got a daughter

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  She’s not a newborn, she’s in her teens now, I just… let’s just say I just gained custody and leave it at that

You whispered to [Nightengayle | Garona]:  Oh will you knock it the fuck OFF

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Custody, and awareness.

[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered:  and the surprise daughter is a TEENAGER already too?!

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Have you not said enough already today?

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Oh, never.  ^_^  But do continue.

[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza]  Oh congratulations

[Officer][LivinDeadGirl | Sylvanas]  Re-sealing the vault!  ^_^

You whispered to [Nightengayle | Garona]:  Yeah, she is, and hey, check it out, she even got to be a teenager in real time, unlike some other people I could mention

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  So yeah, she’s just in town for a little while now

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  That’s the long and the short of it, and if you don’t mind I’d rather not have to answer like a zillion questions about her

[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered:  …

[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered:  how is this the first I’m hearing about this??

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  YAH I CAN SEE HOW YOU’D WANT TO KEEP YOUR PRIVACY

You whispered to [Nightengayle | Garona]:  Hey, listen, I didn’t even know about her until last week

[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza]  If you don’t mind me asking one question though Omgiownedurface

[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered:  oh aren’t you a prince

You whispered to [Nightengayle | Garona]:  when Liadrin came breezing into town with a little bundle of WTF in tow

[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza]  Why is she only in town a little while

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Yeah, fine

[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered:  wait a minute

[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered:  liadrin???

[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza]  And I promise I won’t pry any further

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  That much is simple, she’s going away to school, pretty much

[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered:  THAT stick figure?  are you KIDDING me??

[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza]  Oh

You whispered to [Nightengayle | Garona]:  NOT LIKE THAT FOR FUCK’S SAKE

[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza]  Well I’m sure youll miss her

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Yeah, I’m sure

[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza]  But its important sometimes to give your children that push off the ledge and hope they fly

You whispered to [Nightengayle | Garona]:  Liadrin found her in Silvermoon after she got kicked out of Dalaran for being half orcish

[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza]  You cant protect them from everything however much you might want to

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  UM RED

[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered:  wait, HALF orcish? what’s the other half then? because I swear if you slept with a human I think I’ll scream

[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza]  Sometimes theyre going to get hurt

[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza]  Or captured

[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza]  Or mutated into monstrosities

You whispered to [Nightengayle | Garona]:  YOU FUCKING FUCKED MEDIVH, who the fuck are you to criticize?!

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  RED

[EdwardBear | Ji] has logged off.

[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza]  And then you have to authorize their extermination for the greater good

[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered:  I was young and into older men!

[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza]  But thats parenting for you

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  RED CHECK YOUR WHISPERS

[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered:  um, boss?

You whispered to [Nightengayle | Garona]:  Well I was young and into draenei girls!

[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza]  What were we talking about again

[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza]  Oh okay

[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered:  …

[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered:  !!!

You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]:  What?

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Incidentally, Honalee, is everything all right with Leslie?

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  I don’t mean to pry, but I’m not accustomed to seeing you online without her.

[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered:  ok I need to log off for a few

[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered:  I need to go stab something

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  YA SHE’S JUST BUSY WITH WORK THIS WEEK

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Oh?  Anything in particular?

[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered:  WE WILL CONTINUE THIS LATER

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  NOT REALLY, JUST THE SAME STUFF SHE’S BEEN DOING THE LAST FEW WEEKS NOW

[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered:  so… I’m afraid our furry companion has gone and done something rash

[Nightengayle | Garona] has logged off.

That player is not online.

You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]:  Oh no, what did Fat Boy Slim do now?

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  I like to think I’ve been able to provide her with something of a supportive ear from time to time.  I’m more than happy to do the same for you, if you’d ever care to have a sounding board.

[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered:  well… I think he may be about to skip town to head to blackrock mountain

You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]:  Fucking hell

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Sometimes it can be helpful to air your thoughts with someone impartial.

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  I need to log.  Some things just came up here that I have to check on

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  You know, concerns for your significant other, anxieties, random specific details about her exact undertakings these days, including but not limited to key initiatives, dates, and locations.

You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]:  I’m coming over, you can fill in the rest then

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  I know, I know, it’s cliche.  But still.

You have logged off.

 

Paternity (part 2)

Posted in Comics, Transcripts with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 5, 2014 by Garrosh Hellscream

orgrimmar7

So, picking up right where we left off last time

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* In Garrosh’s most recent mailbag, he discussed the lank distemper, a disease that ravaged the Kurenai of Nagrand at roughly the same time the orcs were afflicted with the red pox.

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Well, I guess that’s what I get for giving that job to a 15-year-old, right?  Oh well.  Moving on with the record from Taktani.  (Let’s keep our fingers crossed on this one…)

 

(Yay, Mr. Warchief is letting me be his scribe again!  I better do a good job because I guess Mr. Warchief was checking on how Mr. Gurtash was doing and he wasn’t too happy.  Everyone else seems a little upset, too.  I guess being a scribe is super important work!  Mr. Gurtash looked really embarrassed when he left.  I hope he doesn’t feel too bad because I think he draws good.  He even draws me!  Yay!  Oh wait I think they’re talking about me!)

SHAYARI – Okay, so that was weird.

FARANELL – You get used to it after a while.

SHAYARI – So, who’s this one now?

GARROSH – Really, the less you ask about her, the better.

MALKOROK – More importantly, goat, we’ll be the ones asking the questions.

TAKTANI – Hi!  I’m Taktani!

LIADRIN – Shayari, this is another of Garrosh’s assistants—

TAKTANI – But you can call me Tak!

SHAYARI – Oh, so she’s filling in for the pipsqueak now?

TAKTANI – Or Tak-Tak!

GARROSHHow many times do I have to tell you, THAT’S NOT HOW IT WORKS!

SHAYARI – Well, at least she seems a little cheerier than Chuckles over there.

(That made Mr. Malkorok really mad.  He seems to be pretty grumpy.  He spends a lot of time with Mr. Warchief so I guess he must help him a lot, but I wish he wouldn’t yell so much.)

MALKOROK – Warchief, one swing!  That’s all I ask!  One swing is all I’ll need to silence this…this creature permanently.

(I don’t think I like him very much.  It makes me sad.  =(  )

GARROSH – Malk, last time, cool it.

MALKOROK – Count yourself lucky the Warchief is so merciful, goat!

SHAYARI – You mad, bro?

MALKOROK –  I— you— how dare— sir— UNGH!  (He paced around a few seconds, shaking his fists, grinding his teeth, and looking at Mr. Warchief now and then)  I… I think I need to walk a bit.  If you’ll excuse me, sir…

(Mr. Malkorok stormed off and started stomping back and forth near the bank.  It sounded like he was grumbling to himself.  I’m not sure, but I think he might have punched a couple people, too.  That’s mean!  =(  )

SPAZZLE – Okay, so whether you’re really Garrosh’s daughter or not, I already like you.

(OMG Mr. Warchief is a daddy?!?!  YAY!!!  That’s so exciting!!)

GARROSH – So hang on.  Even assuming this is all true – which we ARE going to check — how did you wind up HERE?

SHAYARI – I was living in Dalaran studying to be a mage when…well, when Jaina went all schizo.

GARROSH – Gotta say, I knew it was only a matter of time before she went off the deep end.

SHAYARI – Oh my Light, I know!  She thinks she’s such a big deal, rolling into town and taking over, and being all Emo Queen of Pain, and… Oh, and Kalecgos!  Have you heard about her and Kalecgos?  You should see how she leads that poor dragon around by the nose!

GARROSH – Heh, yeah.  I’ve kinda gotten that sense from those two…

SHAYARI – No, no, I mean literally!  He has a nose ring in his dragon form, and she’s got this leash, and— and— oh spirits it’s so sad.

GARROSH –  Hah!  Hahaha…that’s…that’s kind of awesome.

SHAYARI – Awesomely sad.

(I like when Mr. Warchief gets happy like this.  He doesn’t yell as much!  Not like Mr. Malkorok.)

GARROSH – So hang on, if you’ve been staying with the Sunreavers all this time, how come this is the first I’m hearing about it?

LIADRIN – She wasn’t with the Sunreavers, sir.  At least not until the purge was well underway.

SHAYARI – I stayed mostly over on the Silver Covenant part of Dalaran.  People knew I was half orcish…most of the time I would pass as full draenei, but the other draenei could see it.  It wasn’t as big a deal when I was back in Nagrand, but…  (shrugs)  Anyway.  After Jaina had her little hissy fit, anyone with any Horde ties became pretty unwelcome in Dalaran.  My being half orc was close enough for some of them, I guess.

GARROSH – So, wait, if people knew you were half orc, does that mean they knew—

SHAYARI – I never talked to people about who my father was.  My mom told me, and a few people back in Telaar knew, but…

LIADRIN – I would imagine it was for the best that the Kirin Tor didn’t know of her full parentage.

GARROSH – Yeah, I figure that would have made her a lot less popular a lot sooner.

SHAYARI – Oh my Light, you should hear the things they say about you there!  The things they talk about you doing!  I figured all those stories had to be some kind of Alliance propaganda to make you look bad!

(Everyone just kind of looked at each other for a minute.  I don’t really understand why.  Maybe they were trying to figure out why people would want to say mean things about Mr. Warchief?  That’s mean, especially since he’s a daddy now!

Mr. Warchief looked around at everyone being all quiet.)

GARROSH – WELL DON’T EVERYONE AGREE WITH HER AT ONCE!

LIADRIN – Clearly propaganda, yes, sir.

SPAZZLE – Don’t know where people come up with this stuff, chief.

FARANELL – Unless, you know, they exist in this universe and have eyes.  But sure, whatever does it for you.

(Mr. Malkorok came back over to us.  He didn’t seem so mad now, but it’s hard to tell since he’s always kind of grumpy.)

MALKOROK – Apologies for my…outburst, Warchief.

GARROSH – Yeah, it’s fine, Malk.  So anyway, you said the doc has some way of checking out this story?

LIADRIN – Yes, sir.  Obviously the doctor himself can comment with greater authority on the details.

(While they were talking, Mr. Warchief’s wyvern Mr. Mortimer came wandering over to us.  He passed by Mr. Malkorok first, and I guess he maybe thought Mr. Malkorok was a tree?  Because he kind of…well…lifted his leg…on his leg.)

MALKOROK – UGHH this damned flea-bitten— I— GAHH I’ll be back…

(Mr. Malkorok stomped off again.  Mr. Mortimer walked up to Miss Shayari and nuzzled against her leg.  Aww!)

SHAYARI – Aww, (That’s what I said!) who’s this?  (petting the wyvern)

GARROSH – That’s Mortimer.

SHAYARI(still petting)  You named him Mortimer?

GARROSH – Actually, no.

SPAZZLE – It came from that D.E.H.T.A. guy, didn’t it?

GARROSH – Yeah.

SHAYARI – Oh, those hippies?  (petting more)  Well, it’s okay, Mortimer, you’re a handsome boy even if the crazy hippies did give you a silly name.

LIADRIN – Shay, perhaps you could take the wyvern for a walk while we discuss a few things.

SHAYARI – Sure.  Come on, Mortimer!

(Miss Shayari and Mr. Morty started walking around the Valley of Strength.  The rest of us watched her walk away.)

TAKTANI – I like her!  She seems nice!

SPAZZLE – Not gonna lie.  She had me at “You mad, bro?”

LIADRIN – Warchief?  Any thoughts?

GARROSH – I don’t know.  But her story from Nagrand…well, she’s got her details straight.  At least the names and dates.

(Mr. Warchief looked across the valley for a minute to watch Miss Shayari and Mr. Mortimer walking by the main gate.)

GARROSH – Mortimer seems to like her.

SPAZZLE – Yeah, he took to her right away.

GARROSH – He is a pretty good judge of character.

FARANELL – This would be the wyvern that likes you, correct?

GARROSH – Your point being, Easy-Break?

FARANELL – Just citing further evidence to your point, obviously.

LIADRIN – Loathe though I am to agree with the overlord—

SPAZZLE – Isn’t it funny how you’ve known him for like five minutes, and you already hate to admit he might have a point?

LIADRIN – …he does raise a valid concern.  The details of Shayari’s past all build on information that could have been acquired, albeit with some measure of difficulty.

GARROSH – Yeah.  They would have to do some digging, but they could have pieced it together.

LIADRIN – The fact that she comes from Dalaran is cause for us to be all the more wary.

(Mr. Warchief looked across at Miss Shayari, who was still walking with Mr. Mortimer around the Valley of Strength.  In front of the Broken Tusk, she started talking with one of the orcs, Mr. Thathung.)

GARROSH – What do you really think?

LIADRIN – I think that if she is who she says she is, she lives in a better world than we do.

GARROSH – …In Common, please?

LIADRIN(sighing but smiling)  I only mean that if she is your daughter, sir, she’s grown up hearing stories from the Alliance about the orcs, and about you in particular, and yet she’s come here fully expecting to be embraced by her father and given a home.  As she said herself, she’s been told countless reasons to consider you a villain – and rejected all of them as lies.  If that really is her, I may even envy her.

GARROSH – So you believe her.

LIADRIN – I would still counsel prudence.  But I prefer to hope for the best in people.

GARROSH – Sounds like you live in a “better world” yourself.

LIADRIN – No, I don’t.  That’s why I hate to give up on the possibility of an unbroken soul.  I know this world well enough to understand how rare they are.

(Over by the Broken Tusk, Shayari had been continuing to talk with Mr. Thathung all this time – only she looked like she was getting pretty upset with Mr. Thathung for some reason.  Now she finally hit him!  Um…a whole bunch of times!  Over and over and over, really angry-like!  Oh no!)

SHAYARI(in the distance, but still clearly audible)  Hey, I said to WATCH THE HANDS, Grabby McWanderpaws!  (flinging Mr. Thathung against the auction house wall and continuing to beat him senseless)  Yeah!  See how you like people grabbing YOU!  NEXT TIME I’LL TAKE YOUR FUCKING HAND CLEAN OFF AND FUCKING FEED IT TO YOU – IN REVERSE!

(Mr. Warchief, Ms. Liadrin, Mr. Goblin, and Dr. Zombie looked back and forth at each other.)

SPAZZLE – Huh.

GARROSH – Well then.

FARANELL – So, yeah, I can still do the tests if you want, but honestly, if you ask me, it’s just going to be a waste of perfectly good ichor.

 

So…yeah.  I still have a million and one things to deal with here in Orgrimmar before I head back to Pandaria, but…well, now I guess that’s going to be a million and two.

Stay tuned.

Homecoming

Posted in Comics, General with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 11, 2014 by Garrosh Hellscream

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So now that things are kind of under control in Pandaria, Malkorok and I have been taking a few days to travel back to Orgrimmar and check on things there.  So far it’s been one damn thing after another, all the way down to Orphan Matron Battlwail giving me a few dirty looks, for what reason I have no idea.  I swear, if I leave town for any length of time, everything goes right down the tubes.  It never ceases to amaze me how many of these people turn into a bunch of Dontrags and Utvochs if they don’t have me there to cut their meat into little pieces for them.

Center stage, though, is Eitrigg.  I left him minding the store while I was in Pandaria, and no sooner had I boarded the ship than all that crap started going down with Mokvar.  I had a good long meeting with Eitrigg earlier today about just what the fuck was going on, and he tried explaining his reasoning for Iffy Decisions A through G, but honestly I’m starting to think age is starting to catch up to him.  I’ve got another meeting lined up with him later in the week, and I’m thinking I may have to arrange a little more…support before I head back south.  I’ve already talked to Overlord Runthak about taking over military command directly, and beyond that, I’m thinking Eitrigg could benefit from having a Kor’kron overseer or two assigned to him to do a little, well, overseeing.  Overseer Elaglo’s been doing some good work on a couple projects, so I’m thinking he might be in line for the call.

Anyway, I’ve got a bunch more people I need to touch base with, but our old buddy Liadrin is in Orgrimmar and has been asking to see me — not to mention I’ve had Spazzle in my ear yammering away on her behalf, about some big important thing she needs to discuss with me.  So I figured I should see what’s up with those two.  We hooked up outside Grommash Hold right after my debriefing with Eitrigg.  Luckily, Gurtash’s hand is healed up enough that he’s able to get back to doodle duty…

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* Horde agents, with aid from within Dalaran, stole the Divine Bell from Darnassus, as accounted here.

** As Garrosh notes, Jaina did indeed get a bit upset about this.  Spazzle reported on the purge of Dalaran here.

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* Liadrin arrived in Orgrimmar and met with Spazzle here.

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