Archive for interrogation

Going Rogue

Posted in From the Desk of Saurfang with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 13, 2012 by Garrosh Hellscream

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Citizens of the Horde,

A peculiar turn of events has taken place in Ahn’Qiraj.  I have just received word from Krug Skullsplit that the impulsive rogue Garona Halforcen has left him in sole charge of our Twilight captives and departed from Silithus.  According to Commander Skullsplit, Garona completed the interrogation of the last of the prisoners – the majority of whom, to her credit, have survived the process – then took off suddenly without explanation, save a rushed indication that she would be in contact with further updates shortly.  As Garona has proven in the past to be a valuable operative, it is my hope that this erratic behavior is well justified and that she will take pains to explain herself soon.

Meanwhile, on the topic of Horde operatives whose work has proven valuable, the prestidigitous ogre Draz’Zilb appealed to me earlier today for permission to undertake his own questioning of our Grimtotem captives, given his expressed prior success in extracting information from members of the tribe.  His suggestion was that he could likely verify the repeated Grimtotem claim that they were uninvolved in and unaware of the aggressions that occurred at Bladefist Bay and, more importantly, Alcaz Island.  I agreed to the ogre’s request, with, as it turns out, mixed results.

On the positive side, we now have fairly reliable confirmation of our original Grimtotem testimony.  None of the Grimtotem tribesmen had any awareness of any of the aforementioned Twilight’s Hammer activity; and the extent of their involvement in the events on Alcaz Island was the sending of a scouting party to the island well before catastrophe struck – scouts who, furthermore, have not been heard from since.  Draz’Zilb’s methods leave me highly…dubious…that this final testimony would be false.  It is, however, these very methods that leave me less than entirely satisfied with this entire undertaking.  Prior to today, I was only aware of the fact of the ogre’s assistance in previous interrogations, and, absent any further, troubling information, I was content to let him proceed with his proposal.  However, upon arriving to observe the questioning in person, I was most thoroughly disturbed by the spectacle that greeted me; by this point, three Grimtotem captives had already died to Draz’Zilb’s particular interrogation “techniques,” and I was quite uninterested in having a fourth life placed indirectly on my conscience.  Let me make no mistake: that we will kill during times of conflict is a matter of necessity; how we will kill is a matter of choice.  And I will not permit such unscrupulous undertakings to tain the honor of the Horde.  No matter how dire the battle, we must never forsake it.

As such, I have relieved Draz’Zilb of his support duties and dispatched him back to Brackenwall Village, where, I am sure, the venerable ogre chief Tharg will tend to him appropriately.  Meanwhile, in light of this confirmation of Grimtotem innocence – a term I use here in its more relative and situationally specific sense – I have begun to make plans to release many of our prisoners, provided a number of containment measures around their various settlements to ensure their ongoing good citizenship.

Once again the old adage proves true, friends: never trust an ogre not to be two-faced when he has two heads.  Honor go with us all.

 

-Saurfang

More Disturbing Developments

Posted in From the Desk of Saurfang with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on February 4, 2012 by Garrosh Hellscream

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Citizens of the Horde,

I fear this update will need to be brief, as I am in the midst of several urgent conferences as we continue to work on unraveling the current conundrum.

The exacting rogue Garona Halforcen continues her interrogation of the Twilight’s Hammer prisoners taken in Silithus, and has begun to uncover new and troubling details.  She has confirmed my speculation of some days ago that the increased Twilight’s Hammer activity in Thousand Needles was indeed a response to the Grimtotem search for the phylactery of Cho’gall; upon receiving intelligence of the Grimtotem undertaking, the Twilight’s Hammer targeted the renegade tribe’s holdings in Thousand Needles, with the specific intent of apprehending Magatha Grimtotem.  Striking the beast at its head, as it were.

While this much merely confirms what I had already suspected, there now appear to be further wrinkles that cast the current crisis in even more troubling light.  According to Garona’s Twilight captives (whose word, of course, is always to be taken with no small measure of wariness), the Twilight’s Hammer cult agreed to an alliance of sorts with Magatha upon her capture: she would aid them in the resurrection of Cho’gall, in exchange for the assistance of the cult in regaining power in Kalimdor and avenging herself against her perceived enemies.

More disturbing, however, is the apparent revelation that the entire idea for Cho’gall’s resurrection may not have originated with the cult themselves: according to our sources, the Twilight’s Hammer were taken by surprise when they received word that the Grimtotem were trying to find the phylactery ahead of them, in that the cult themselves were not engaged in any such search for it in the first place, nor were they even aware of the existence of the phylactery.  While it therefore stands to reason that they would seek out Magatha as the source of these baffling rumors, this new light obviously raises numerous questions about recent events.  Not least among these disturbing considerations is the possibility that Magatha Grimtotem herself was the instigator for all of these events reaching back however many weeks.

It would appear that for every answer, I am left with several new questions.  There are a number of points in this latest set of revelations that must be confirmed, and likewise there are several questions I will need to have answered by our Grimtotem prisoners.  I will be speaking with Krog shortly about all of this.

I hope to have more concrete answers for you soon, friends.  Honor go with us all.

 

-Saurfang

Flown the Coop, as the Saying Goes

Posted in From the Desk of Saurfang with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 2, 2012 by Garrosh Hellscream

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Citizens of the Horde,

Interrogation of our various captives carries on, and begins to yield fruit, albeit gradually.  Just this morning, the perspicacious rogue Krog reported to me personally to provide updates on his ongoing questioning of those Grimtotem who were apprehended during out recent operations out of Brackenwall Village.  A good man, that Krog, and thorough.

His questioning confirms what we already knew of the Grimtotem situation – that they had, under the direction of Magatha Grimtotem through her lieutenants Arnak Grimtotem and Isha Gloomaxe, begun to search for the now-infamous phylactery of Cho’gall, so as to strike a bargain with the Twilight’s Hammer cult – while further indicating that thus far, no agreements or alliances had been forged between the two groups.  Indeed, shortly after the nefarious tauren clan began their hunt, the Twilight’s Hammer stepped up their activities in Thousand Needles, resulting in the Twilight capture of several Grimtotem, most notably Magatha…who, as you are already well aware, was subsequently freed through unwitting (nay, witless) Horde assistance.

Nevertheless, I find the timing of these events to be hardly coincidental, and I suspect that the Twilight cult undertook a pointed effort to capture Magatha upon discovering that she and her kin were endeavoring to complicate the cult’s efforts to resurrect the odious ogre Cho’gall.

That relations between the Grimtotem and the Twilight’s Hammer are, to say the least, unfriendly is confirmed by early reports from Garona Halforcen in Silithus.  While Garona finds herself still early in her interrogation of our Twilight prisoners (a process which, I hope, will not be slowed too greatly by the temptation to relish the process), she has been able to confirm a reciprocal disdain for the Grimtotem on behalf of the Twilight’s Hammer cultists.

Meanwhile, I have recruited the aid of the resourceful ogre seer Draz’Zilb of Brackenwall Village, who has already been of assistance in these events to both Krog and to Warchief Hellscream, in the hopes that we might glean some additional information through more mystical means.  Draz’Zilb has theorized that, given the powerful magics involved in the phylactery containment of Cho’gall’s spirit, as well as in its possible release, it may be possible to conduct a divination of sorts through any living beings who were in close proximity to the ogre Skarr when, or if, these necromantic powers were tapped.  This afternoon Draz’Zilb joined me in Orgrimmar to attempt such a divination, to see if any traces of recent spellcasting or magical aftershocks might be discerned through the three entities we know to have been present with Skarr on Alcaz Island (excepting, of course, Warchief Hellscream): the externally monologuing soldiers Dontrag and Utvoch, and the Warchief’s personal wyvern.

Draz’Zilb began his divination with the wyvern, which has finally recovered from its injuries on the island.  (I will hasten to note for those D.E.H.T.A.-friendly among you, incidentally, that I was assured that no harm would come to the wyvern as a result of these magics; I am moreover informed that the Warchief had developed quite a fondness for the animal, and having enjoyed the compansionship of numerous pet worgs in my youth, I am not unsympathetic.)  Draz’Zilb detected signs from the wyvern’s residual magic aura that it had indeed been exposed to a magic outburst of some sort; however, the wyvern appeared uneasy throughout the divination process, and while it was still in its early stages, the process was interrupted by the arrival of Dontrag and Utvoch, which served only to further agitate the animal.  Before our handlers could calm the increasingly emotional beast, it managed to slip from its restraints and fly off.

I have sent a scouting detail to patrol Durotar and its surrounding areas to locate the wyvern, but its whereabouts are currently unknown.  I must admit, given our current situation I cannot say that the recovery of the animal can afford to rank as a high priority, though it would indeed pain me upon the Warchief’s return to have to report that we had lost it in his absence.

I shall continue to keep you updated as events continue to unfold, friends.  Honor go with us all.

 

-Saurfang

Conversations with crazy people

Posted in General, Transcripts with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 27, 2011 by Garrosh Hellscream

So back to business.  Now that some of the holiday festivities are behind us, it’s about time I fill you all in on what’s been going on with this whole phylactery business.

Like I was saying a few days ago, after Garona and I captured Skarr we brought him back to Stonemaul Hold and held him for questioning for a while.  Good thing is that it ended up not taking too much to get some partial answers out of him.  Mokvar was on hand to record the interrogation, so I’ve copied a part below so you can see how things went.  I cut out some early stuff with Skarr just being generally crazy before we started getting actual information, but I think you’ll get the idea.

 

GARONA:  I’m not sure we’re getting anywhere.  Do you think we should bring in that ogre from Brackenwall?

GARROSH:  Draz’Zilb?  No, that won’t work here.

GARONA:  Why not?  It got you what you needed from that Grimtotem.

SKARR:  Foolish bulls, cows, grazing in the woods, running around and back and forth, chasing their tails, they look for Skarr, they look, but no, they never find him, stupid cows, never look the right way in front of behind them and see…

GARROSH:  First of all, Draz’Zilb’s voodoo mojo thingy was all about forcing the prisoner to come face to face with their greatest fears until they give in just out of self-preservation.

GARONA:  So?

GARROSH:  You think self-preservation is the way to go with a lunatic?  A lunatic working for the Old Gods, for that matter?  Either he’s crazy enough to think they’re going to spare him…

SKARR:  Preserved, yes, kept for the masters, held for them, alive, alive, need Skarr alive, all of us alive until we all die, die for the masters, die in glory, die in flame, HAHA!

GARROSH:  …or he knows he’s going to end up dead.  And signed on for it anyway.  Either way, we’re not dealing with a normal mind here.

SKARR:  Haha, you talk like Skarr not here!  Skarr knows!  Skarr mind have more than you think, Skarr almost outsmart so smart you think, you think, you…you… <stares>

GARROSH:  Besides…Draz’Zilb’s thing will kill him.

SKARR:  HAH!  Kill!  Kill!  All around, blackness all, all awaiting.  It comes, it comes, crawling, swarming…

GARONA:  I’m not so sure that’s a bad thing.

SKARR:  Death comes for you all.  HAHA!

GARROSH:  No.  We want this one alive.  He’s not just some random foot soldier.

SKARR:  Stupid foolish cows.

Garrosh leans in close, staring into Skarr’s face.

GARROSH:  There’s something in there.

GARONA:  We’ll get it.

Skarr grins wide and lets out a crazed laugh.

GARROSH:  But before too long the Twilights are going to know he’s gone missing, and it’s not going to take a whole lot of brain power to figure out where he went.  Hell, with all the spies they seem to have, they might already know.

SKARR:  Stupid orcses, think you so smart, Skarr outsmart you, almost outsmart and hack and hack and kill in the woods!

GARROSH:  Wow he’s proud of that poison move.

GARONA:  Sharper than most ogres would think to do, I’ll grant him.

GARROSH:  But, point is…if we kill him, they’ll find out quick enough.  And then they’ll know we have everything he knew.  So we keep him alive.

SKARR:  Hold Skarr, yes, yes, keep me close, watching – HAH! – waiting, watching, tick, tock, the hour comes, tick, tock, tick, tock, tick, tock…

Garrosh leans in closer, still staring.

GARROSH:  Oh, don’t worry, Skarr.  You’ll still die eventually.

SKARR:  <grin fades>  Orc die too.  Die in fire!  Shadow and flame, tick, tock, the Hour of Twilight comes…

GARROSH:  <shakes head>  No… See, Skarr, that’s just it.  Your big bad hot-shit apocalypse we’re all going to die in?  It’s not coming.

Skarr’s face melts into a scowl as he glares at Garrosh in silence.

And you’re going to live just long enough to know that you lost.

Garrosh walks away from the ogre and stands by Garona, both of them watching him intently.

SKARR:  <mutters>  Tick, tock…

GARROSH:  Would be nice if he didn’t just talk in circles, though.

GARONA:  That’s fine.  Let him talk in circles.  That’s good.

SKARR:  Yes, yes, round and round, circling spinning, circles closing, closing, always closing in around you…tick, tock, tick…

GARROSH:  See?  How is that good?

GARONA:  Remember, I’ve done my share of interrogations, too.  The Twilight’s Hammer…the humans…

SKARR:  Stupid stupid foolish cows, chasing, chasing, chasing their tails…

GARONA:  Crazy or not, when they talk in circles, you just have to let them keep talking.  Let them keep circling.  It means they’re circling around what they know.  Sooner or later they’ll give you what you want…because they don’t know how to talk about anything else.

SKARR:  Skarr know what orcs want.

GARONA:  And this one, he wants to tell us.

GARROSH:  The what you say?

SKARR:  DIE!  FLAME AND SHADOW!

GARONA:  Have you ever had a conversation with someone where they kept steering it back to the same topics over and over?

GARROSH:  I’ve…had the experience.

GARONA:  It’s the same idea.

SKARR:  Skarr knew you come, he knew…

GARONA:  They keep coming back to the things they want to talk about.  And especially this one…I bet he’s dying to let it out.  Aren’t you, Skarr?

SKARR:  Burn and drown and crush and suffocate!  HAHAH!

GARROSH:  Fuck, how did THIS guy get put on a job like this?

GARONA:  Mmhmm, exactly.

GARROSH:  Huh?

GARONA:  He’s probably never been trusted with something this important before.  Have you, Skarr?  Just another ogre, a good enough fighter probably, but really nothing special.  But then the Twilight’s Hammer comes along…

SKARR:  They need Skarr!  Skarr knows, Skarr sees…since the Maul…

GARONA:  You were there when Cho’gall came to the Maul, weren’t you?  Had his gathering with the Gordunni…

SKARR:  Skarr look into it…look into nothing, nothing, Skarr know then, Skarr know, nothing all the way down…

Garona steps closer to Skarr, watching his face.

GARONA:  He saw something in you, didn’t he?  Cho’gall.  Ogre to ogre.  And he trusted you.

SKARR:  All the way down…

GARONA:  It must have been a good feeling.

GARROSH:  You’re not going to start getting all touchy-feely now, are you?

GARONA:  You must have been so…proud.

GARROSH:  Because really, it’s not a good look for you.

SKARR:  Cho’gall trust Skarr.  Cho’gall give Skarr.  Give Skarr vision, give Skarr the truth, give Skarr, give Skarr purpose

GARONA:  Gave you the phylactery.  And a mission to keep it safe, is that it?

Skarr falls silent.

GARROSH:  I don’t get why THIS guy would be the caretaker of something that important, though.

GARONA:  Have you SEEN the other ogres?

GARROSH:  Yeah, none of them are exactly geniuses, but still, I’m not seeing what’s so different about this one.

SKARR:  Skarr BELIEVE.

GARROSH:  You believe.  Believe what?

GARONA:  Don’t you get it?  Everything.  The whole hopeless crusade… You were the only one who really GOT it, weren’t you, Skarr?

SKARR:  Others say.  Others pretend.  Or tell Cho’gall what they think he want, not listening, never listening, silly brothers, never listen, never seeing, lost in the forest, blind for the trees, fight over ashes in house aflame, fire and shadow, burn and crush and drown—

GARROSH:  Fighting in a burning house…

GARONA:  The others wanted to get on Cho’gall’s good side as a means to an end – power, riches, rewards.  But see?  Those are all…well…things of this world.  As long as there are still things left in the world that you want, then you still haven’t really given up.

GARROSH:  <nodding>  He was the only one in the burning house going “Fuck it, let it burn…”

SKARR:  Skarr look into nothing and nothing look back…nothing see nothing, nothing see itself, mirrors in mirrors and circles and circles, round and round into nothing…and it was good…

GARONA:  Cho’gall wanted to see who had given up.

SKARR:  Nothing, nothing, all the way down…

GARROSH:  Okay… So I get it, Skarr.  The other ogres, yeah, they were busy focusing on what would be in it for them if the Twilights won, and that’s fine for the battleground fodder, right?  For your garden variety foot soldiers, you don’t care if they’re just in it for the paycheck…but for the inner circle, you want the people who are all-in, is that it?

SKARR:  Cho’gall notice Skarr.  Cho’gall remember.  Keep in mind, keep in mind…

GARROSH:  So when the time came for him to hide the phylactery away, you were the one he went to.

GARONA:  The one who was worthy.

GARROSH:  So fine.  You’re the chosen one.  Kudos to you, nice job on the hopeless despair, real feather in your cap there.  So what happened to it?  If you’re the keeper of this big-fucking-deal trust, what are you doing hiding in a broken-down gnoll village?

SKARR:  Stampede the Maul…clatter of hoofs, rattle of swords…

GARROSH:  The Grimtotem.

GARONA:  It adds up.  He was up in Dire Maul at some point, and that’s where the Grimtotem started hitting more of late.  It makes sense he would head south to make sure they didn’t find what they were after.

GARROSH:  So he high-tailed it down to the Lower Wilds with the phylactery, and…wait a minute.  If the Twilights already HAD the damn thing, what’s this whole big production been about?  Why have those cultists running around hitting the ogre hot spots like they were looking for something when they already knew where it was?

GARONA:  Why are you having our people in Dustwallow carry on like the ogres there might still be holding the phylactery?

GARROSH:  I…ah.

GARONA:  It’s just a way to keep the Grimtotem busy looking for it, keep them one move behind…

SKARR:  <chuckling madly>  Chasing their tails, chasing their tails, silly stupid cows…

GARROSH:  Just a big misdirect.

GARONA:  Mmhmm.

GARROSH:  Should I be worried that this cult and I seem to think so much alike?

GARONA:  No comment.

GARROSH:  Well hang on again, wasn’t the whole point with the Grimtotem that they were trying to find this thing BEFORE the Twilights?  How did they even get started on a race to fins something that wasn’t lost?

GARONA:  Who knows where the Grimtotem were getting their information?  Or exactly how they were putting the details together?  Look at it – they could have learned somehow that the Twilight’s Hammer needs the phylactery to bring back Cho’gall.  Which they do.  And that it’s somewhere among the ogres.  Which is was.  Beyond that, who knows?  There’s a million ways they could have gotten the details twisted around, mistaken it being hidden for being lost…

GARROSH:  So where is it now?

Garrosh and Garona both turn to Skarr.

WHERE.  IS IT.  NOW?

SKARR:  <chuckles>  Safe.

GARROSH:  Well it sure as hell isn’t in that camp you were staying at, I know that much.  We turned the place upside down after we got your fat ass under wraps.

SKARR:  Not matter, not matter, what you do with Skarr not matter, Skarr do his job, Skarr… What happen now…not in Skarr’s hands.

GARONA:  They have it.

GARROSH:  Is that it, you big ball of crazy?  You finished your end of the job keeping it safe, and you handed it off to the cult?  Pass it along then stay behind to make sure it looks like there’s still a search on while everybody else spins their wheels?

SKARR:  Tick, tock, tick—

GARROSH:  <pummel>

SKARR:  <silenced>

GARROSH:  KNOCK IT OFF with the idiot tick-tock bullshit.

SKARR:  Sliding sands through the glass, through the hourglass, slipping away…

GARROSH:  And that goes for whatever other time-passing metaphors you’ve got up your sleeve!

SKARR:  Sands passing, sands sliding, slipping, sifting, sifting, shifting sands, shifting, sifting, si—

GARROSH:  So help me, ogre—

GARONA:  Wait, wait, I think I get it.

GARROSH:  Oh.  Yeah.  Of course.  Why didn’t I realize you could speak fluent crazy?

GARONA:  I’m SERIOUS.  The sands.  It’s not a random time metaphor there just to taunt you.

GARROSH:  What then?

GARONA:  And by the way, since when is “metaphor” a part of your vocabulary, anyway?

GARROSH:  Keeping on track, please?

GARONA:  Well I’m just saying, metaphorsYou?

GARROSH:  Why do people keep talking like I’m some kind of illiterate moron?  I DO write poetry on the side—

GARONA:  You doPoetry?

GARROSH:  —so you’ll EXCUSE me if I actually managed to pick up a literary device here and there, okay?

GARONA:  Do you write a lot of poetry?

GARROSH:  Can you PLEASE stay focused?  The sand thing isn’t a metaphor, fine, and yes I know what the fuck a metaphor is, stop the presses, big fucking deal, so what IS it?  And so help me, if you get smart as say it’s a simile—

GARONA:  Is that the one with “like” or “as”?

GARROSH:  Really not the point.

GARONA:  I’m just wondering, I always get those mixed up.  Metaphors are the ones without “like” or “as,” right?  And similes are with “like” or “as”?

GARROSH:  Oh for fuck’s sake.  YES, fine, similes use “like” or “as”, are you happy now?  HERE, just to illustrate the fucking point: “I would really LIKE to get out of this conversation AS soon AS possible,” can we fucking move on please?

GARONA:  That really doesn’t sound like a simile.

GARROSH:  <rubbing head>  You were actually doing pretty okay today, you really were.

SKARR:  Circling, circling, round and round, endless wailing, endless darkness, darkness dying souls…

GARROSH:  Right there with you, Skarr.

GARONA:  And what’s that supposed to mean?

GARROSH:  How about we focus on what something ELSE is supposed to mean, like say, I don’t know, the fucking thing about the sands which apparently aren’t going through the hourglass, and…oh fuck, wait, is it the Caverns of Time?  Sands of the hourglass sounds like of Nozdormu-y, is that it?

GARONA:  I just said it wasn’t a metaphor.

GARROSH:  Well technically, that would be pretty literal, not a metaphor.

GARONA:  How would that be literal?

GARROSH:  Um, he was referring to sands passing through an hourglass, and that’s time, and those are the Caverns of Time, where all kinds of timey whimey stuff goes down – I’m not sure how much more literal you can get than that.

GARONA:  Yes, I get the connection, but an hourglass is still a metaphor for time in that context, isn’t it?

GARROSH:  If you really want to split hairs, I suppose, but it’s more kind of a dead metaphor.

GARONA:  A dead metaphor?

GARROSH:  You heard me.

GARONA:  What the hell is that?  I think you’re making this stuff up now.

GARROSH:  I’m not making anything up, it just so happens I’ve read a fucking book or two in my life, is there a problem with that?

GARONA:  And besides, why would they send the phylactery to the Caverns of Time?  How does that make any sense at all?  The place is crawling with bronze dragons who are on our side.

GARROSH:  Well then what’s YOUR answer, little Miss Brainstorm?

GARONA:  Although I suppose it’s not that big of a stretch, since there’s also that whole thing about sand, and there is a lot of sand in Tanaris, and in a roundabout way that’s kind of—

SKARR:  It’s Silithus!  For N’Zoth’s sake, it’s fucking SILITHUS!  FUCK!  Twilight agents picked up the phylactery, and they’re delivering it to SILITHUS, okay?  Can you just SHUT UP now?!

GARONA:  See!  SEE?!  I knew it!  I KNEW it was Silithus!

GARROSH:  I think you’re really overlooking the most illuminating part of that little outburst.

GARONA:  Because, you see, the Twilight’s Hammer has always had a presence there, and then there’s the reference to “shifting sands”…

GARROSH:  No, really, you want to step back and look at the bigger picture here.

SKARR:  In order to carry out the resurrection, they need the residual energies from C’thun’s chamber in Ahn’Qiraj to focus the spell.  It’s where Cho’gall tried to restore C’thun to this world, and the place is attuned to his spirit as a result…

GARONA:  And see, even the words he was using – shifting, sliding, slipping, sifting, Silithus!

GARROSH:  Right, it’s Silithus, we get it.

GARONA:  I’m just saying, it’s exactly what I thought it was!

GARROSH:  Yeah, good for you, that’s great.

GARONA:  I could have told you, too, if you’d have let me get a word in edgewise.

GARROSH:  I…what?

GARONA:  Instead of going on about what a big literary expert you’re supposed to be.

GARROSH:  I never said I was—

GARONA:  You’ll notice who actually managed to read between the lines and figure out what was going on here, though.

GARROSH:  I SAID good job.

GARONA:  Yes, but there was a tone.

GARROSH:  There was not a tone.

GARONA:  I picked up a tone.

GARROSH:  I think I would know if I had a tone!

GARONA:  Because you’re such an unparalleled master of language, is that it?

GARROSH:  For fuck’s sake, here we go again.

GARONA:  I need to see this poetry of yours, by the way.

SKARR:  Is she always like this?

 

After this point I was heading back to Orgrimmar for Winter’s Veil stuff, which came in handy since it let me put a little distance between me and Garona, who let me tell you, dialed it up to eleven after the way things finished up with Skarr.  Meanwhile she’s gone ahead to Silithus to start chasing down the Twilights.  I’ll be heading down soon myself.  With any luck we can make some quick progress before the Twilights piece together that something is up.

The story so far

Posted in EPIC VERSE, General with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 18, 2011 by Garrosh Hellscream

I don’t know what’s wrong with you people.  Everybody seemed overjoyed to see the kind of bullshit agony I had to endure the other day with Garona and Johnny Awesome and all the rest of it.  Fuck, if I didn’t know better, I’d think maybe you people didn’t love your Warchief!

Anyway, Garona and I are getting ready to head off to go looking for that ogre Skarr, but while I’m getting squared away here at the inn, I thought I’d take care of some blog stuff.  For one, I know the last couple days I’ve been getting a batch of new readers, between the Twitter feed and getting links passed around, so I figured it might be a good idea to try to catch up any newcomers to the blog.

First of all, if you ARE new, welcome!  Lok’tar!  Good to have you here.  Unless you’re Alliance.  In which case, DAMN YOU TO THE NETHER, FUCKERS.  But meh, keep reading.  What the hell.

Second, Spazzle recently added an About page to the blog, with some general info and background type stuff for anyone new.  I know he usually tries to be good about setting up my posts with links to older ones that are relevant for background, but y’know, he’s just a goblin, so I’m sure he misses some stuff here and there.  Also along those lines, I figured this might be a good time to step back and run through what’s been going on for our many new readers, seeing as this ogre business has been unfolding for a while:

A few weeks back, Grimtotem raiders in Dustwallow Marsh and Feralas started attacking ogres.  I could care less about the Gordunni ogres, mind you, but it was a much bigger deal that they were also hitting the Stonemaul ogres too, who have been allied with the Horde for a while.

I sent Dontrag and Utvoch to Brackenwall Village to help Krog with his investigation.  Using some…um…pro bait-and-trapping, the bunch of them were able to capture a Grimtotem raider, and interrogated him with help from me and the ogre seer Draz’Zilb.  Wait, what am I talking about, “with help from”?  They hardly did a damn thing during the interrogation.  It was pretty much all me and Draz’Zilb.

Anyway, Draz’Zilb used some FUCKING SCARY-ASS voodoo mojo shit on the Grimtotem, and we got the story.  The Grimtotem discovered that the Twilight’s Hammer want to use an ogre relic to resurrect Cho’gall.  Apparently, while he was holding a gathering of ogres in Feralas a few months back, Cho’gall imbued a phylactery with his spirit (or part of it, or whatever…don’t ask me how this raise-the-dead stuff works…personally I’m getting sick of all the “Bastion of Twilight was just a setback” bullshit already).  Now the Twilights are trying to find the phylactery, and the Grimtotem are trying to beat them to it.  According to the prisoner, they believe if they find it first, they can cut some kind of deal with the Twilights to regain their lost holdings.

The Twilight’s Hammer believe one of the ogre clans in Feralas or Dustwallow have the phylactery, so the Grimtotem have been raiding the Gordunni and Stonemaul ogres to try to track it down.  High-ranking members of the tribe have been sent to both areas to coordinate, but if you ask me this whole plan has Magatha written all over it.

We know the Stonemaul ogres don’t have the phylactery, but we’re letting the Grimtotem keep thinking they might so they keep their attention divided.  Meanwhile, I recalled Garona Halforcen from Twilight Highlands, and she and I headed out to Feralas to investigate.  I found got some information from a Twilight’s Hammer cultist in the southern ogre camps, and Garona confirmed the story from a Twilight run-in of her own up at Dire Maul: the main Twilight contact in the area is an ogre named Skarr, who’s taken up hiding somewhere in the Lower Wilds.

Garona and I met up at the Steam Pools to compare notes and plan our next step.  We also met this blood elf named Johnny Awesome while we were there, which was good for comic relief, if by “comic relief” you mean “makes you want to stick a sharp stick through your eye, into your brain, and swirl it around.”  Now we’re about to split up to go after Skarr.  With any luck we can find him and get more pieces to fall into place.

So…that’s where we stand now.  Next time you hear from me, odds are I’ll be out in the Feralas wilds somewhere trying to track down Skarr.  In the meantime, a little nugget to hold everyone over:

 

There once was a blood elf named Johnny,
Who thought himself ever so bonny.
To get him off my hands
I sent him to Ghostlands
Where he could annoy the Amani.

 

EPIC VERSE!

Updates soon.  Stay tuned.

 

 

[Header image provided by Rioriel from Postcards From Azeroth, reproduced here with permission and many thanks.  Click here to see the souped-up Postcard version!]

They couldn’t have just been bored and jerkish…

Posted in General with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 1, 2011 by Garrosh Hellscream

Okay, so now I’m getting worried.

I’ve spent the day in Brackenwall Village with Krog, Dontrag and Utvoch, and the ogre seer Draz’Zilb, all working on getting some information from the Grimtotem prisoner.  Things really weren’t going anywhere for the longest time…I’ll give this Grimtotem credit, he had a really strong will, and even after I was giving him a pretty sound beating, he wouldn’t make so much as a peep.  Or a moo, I guess.

This was another one of those cases where I don’t want to lose any details, so I had Mokvar come with me to Brackenwall so he can keep a transcript of the interrogation.  Glad I had him go train up inscription, gotta say.  So, here’s the record of the session, at least after the first couple hours of me smacking the fucker around without much gain…

 

GARROSH:  Okay, so you know, as much as I’m enjoying beating on this guy, I don’t think it’s really getting us anywhere.

KROG:  Maybe we just need more knives?  I’m pretty fond of knives myself.

GARROSH:  Better than a good sound barefisted thrashing?

KROG:  Oh yeah, a good clean stab can be way satisfying.  Knives and daggers, either way.

GARROSH:  Well yeah, but you’re a rogue.  That doesn’t help us with this.

KROG:  What do you mean?

GARROSH:  You’ll just end up stun-locking him.  It doesn’t do us any good at all if we’re just keeping him silenced.

DONTRAG:  Rest assured, great Warchief, we shall find ways to make him talk!

UTVOCH:  Or a great inconceivable agony will await him!

DONTRAG:  Far greater than his worst imaginings!

GARROSH:  THESE two, on the other hand…

UTVOCH:  What about us, Warchief?

GARROSH:  Never mind.

KROG:  <chortle>

DONTRAG:  No, really.

UTVOCH:  Maybe just let it go, Dontrag?

DONTRAG:  I just want to understand what the Warchief is talking about.

GARROSH:  Yeah, good luck there.

KROG:  <snort>

DONTRAG:  As you say, sir…

KROG:  Seriously, where did you find these two?

GARROSHStuck in a mine in Stonetalon.

UTVOCH:  Where we carried out our duty for the Horde most proudly!

DONTRAG:  For the glory of the Horde!  For the glory of Hellscream!

KROG:  Yeah, I’m sure.

GARROSH:  Well they were helpful at the time.  Kind of.

KROG:  Yeah, thanks for getting them involved with this.

GARROSH:  Would you rather be working on this with just a bunch of ogres helping you?

DRAZ’ZILB:  Um…

GARROSH:  No offense, Draz’Zilb.

KROG:  Actually, I’m not sure I’m seeing the improvement.

GARROSH:  Oh come on.  OGRES?

DRAZ’ZILB:  Um, I’m standing RIGHT HERE.

GARROSH:  Did you miss the “no offense” part?

DONTRAG:  I did not, Warchief!

UTVOCH:  Indeed and verily, nor did I, oh great—

GARROSH:  Not YOU, for FUCK’S sake.

KROG:  See what I mean?

GARROSH:  Yeah, fine, whatever.

DRAZ’ZILB:  Chief Hellscream, not to interrupt, but I believe I may have a method that may facilitate the extrication of vital intelligence from our captive.

GARROSH:  Look, he’s being uncooperative enough, there’s no point in making him stupid too so he can’t even understand what I’m asking him.

DRAZ’ZILB:  Um…no.  What I mean, great Chief, is I may have a spell I can use to force the information from him, willingly or not.

GARROSH:  Well why didn’t you say so?  Hell, for that matter, why didn’t you guys do this before I had to fly all the way down here?

DRAZ’ZILB:  The incantation required a number of reagents, Chief.  Some helpful adventurers only just delivered them a short while ago.

GARROSH:  Good, so— wait, you actually needed that shit?  Like the “go get seven of these and nine of those” that we always send those noobs around to collect?  You mean you actually sent the volunteer errand boys out to do something that was really important?

DRAZ’ZILB:  Why…would I occupy others’ valuable time on tasks that were not of some genuine vital interest to us, great Chief?

GARROSH:  <blink>  …Shit, you ogres have a lot to learn.

UTVOCH:  I know a good place they could go for extension courses, if they—

GARROSH:  SHUT UP, YOU.

UTVOCH:  Yes sir.

DONTRAG:  Stop interrupting the Warchief, for goodness’ sake!

GARROSH:  The same goes for you!

DONTRAG:  Yes sir.

UTVOCH:  Apologies, sir.

DONTRAG:  Yes, sir, much ap—

GARROSH:  Okay, SERIOUSLY, BOTH of you, the next word of our either of your mouths had better be NOTHING, because otherwise, the SECOND word out of your mouths is going to be “OUCH, MY HEAD!”  You understand?!

DONTRAG:  …

UTVOCH:  …

KROG:  <chortle>  This is awesome.

GARROSH:  <pummel>

KROG:  OUCH, MY HEAD!!

DRAZ’ZILB:  Begging your pardon, Chief Hellscream, but is this…a typical day for you and your lieutenants?

GARROSH:  <looks down> <long pause>  Yes.

DRAZ’ZILB:  I…see.

GARROSH:  …Yeah.

DRAZ’ZILB:  Shall I resume my elaboration, Chief, or does the moment dictate a further prolonging of the awkward lull?

GARROSH:  Okay, I’m fairly sure I recognized SOME of the words in there.

UTVOCH:  The extension course DOES include a very excellent vocabulary building unit, if it please the Warchief, begging your pardon, sir, and hoping I might be spared a harsh inconceivable pummeling of—

DONTRAG:  <shakes head>

GARROSH:  <pummel>

UTVOCH:  OWW!!  Yes sir, re-shutting up…

KROG:  <chortle>

GARROSH:  <glare>

KROG:  <hand clamps on mouth>

GARROSH:  Draz’Zilb, would you please finish what you were saying before I have to fucking kill everyone in the room?

DRAZ’ZILB:  Of course, Chief.  As I was saying, I know of a very potent incantation, the reagents for which have just presently come into my possession.  With it, I suspect we might loosen the reluctant lips of our Grimtotem prisoner.

GARROSH:  Is it some kind of truth serum or something?

DRAZ’ZILB:  Not at all, nothing quite so invasive.  At least not in such a manner.  No, good Chief, the spell I speak of executes a separation of the subject’s spirit from his body, leaving him highly susceptible to…coercion.

GARROSH:  Well, that sounds okay, but he’s been pretty resistant to “coercion” so far, and it’s not like I’m a rookie when it comes to beating an answer out of someone.

DRAZ’ZILB:  True, he’s proven to be remarkably strong-willed.  But this is a different matter altogether.  One can steel oneself against the pains of the body, great Chief; the body is fleeting and corporeal, and a strong mind can divest itself of the fear for its well-being.  But the spirit…touch upon it directly, play upon the proper strings, and no mind can resist indefinitely.  Eventually…one reaches a point of necessity.  There is, for each of us, a breaking point, a fear so fundamental to our souls that if faced with it, we MUST escape it, regardless the cost.  It is no longer a matter of strength or courage or power of will; it is a matter of need.

GARROSH:  That’s…just evil.

KROG:  I’m liking this guy.

DRAZ’ZILB:  Shall I proceed, great Chief?

GARROSH:  So we’re going to be seeing this guy’s deepest fear, is that it?

DRAZ’ZILB:  Nothing quite so crude, Chief Hellscream, not quite as dramatic.  It is a process of the mind, and as such, it will be perceived solely by his mind.  All we will witness is the shadow of his spirit as it is…extracted.

GARROSH:  Well get extracting, then.

DRAZ’ZILB:  As you wish, Chief.

Draz’Zilb begins the incantation, and the Grimtotem raider’s body goes stiff and freezes in place.  A shadowy outline of the tauren floats up from his body and hovers in the air nearby.

KROG:  Kinda like one of those shadow priest body double thingies.

DONTRAG:  Should we stun him before he has a chance to hit dispers— OUCH!!

GARROSH:  SHUT. UP.

DRAZ’ZILB:  Now then, here we are… As you can see, my Grimtotem friend, your situation grows a bit more, shall we say, tenuous.

The Grimtotem shade floats higher in the air and appears to look around apprehensively, limbs reaching in different directions as if trying to control its movement.

DRAZ’ZILB:  Please, do try all you wish to remove yourself from your current position.  It merely expends mental energy while I secure my hold on you.  If anything, I thank you for your aid.

GARROSH:  Is it working?

DRAZ’ZILB:  Quite.  Now then, something simple to start.  What is your name, Grimtotem?

The shade glares at Draz’Zilb silently.

GARROSH:  You’re sure about that, dude?

DRAZ’ZILB:  <chuckles>  Oh good.  Even after hearing us discussing matters, he still needs to be…persuaded.  I was hoping he would.

Draz’Zilb waves his staff, and shadowy tendrils of magic force swirl around the Grimtotem spirit.  The shade lurches back and forth, looking about frantically, limbs flailing with greater urgency.

DRAZ’ZILB:  There…that seems to be helping.  But….just to be sure…

Draz’Zilb reaches for additional reagents and tosses them about his staff.  He gestures toward the Grimtotem again, whose movements become more jerky and exaggerated, then grow slower as the shade’s form shrinks back.

DRAZ’ZILB:  Now then…your name.

The shade’s mouth opens.  After a long pause, it speaks in an echoing, timid voice.

GRIMTOTEM:  Karthag… My name is Karthag Stonehoof.

DRAZ’ZILB:  Much better.  And you are one of the Grimtotem operating out of Blackhoof Village, is that correct?

GRIMTOTEM:  Y…yes.

DRAZ’ZILB:  You see, Chief, he can be reasonable.  <chuckle>

GARROSH:  Dude, you’re enjoying this way too much.

KROG:  Think maybe we could bring him in for some of our Alliance prisoners?

GARROSH:  Later.

KROG:  Just sayin’.

GARROSH:  Okay, let’s get back to the point.  Let’s find out what he knows about the attacks.

DRAZ’ZILB:  Indeed.  What was the purpose of your raid on our village, Karthag?

The shade shudders in place, then cowers with a pained moan.

DRAZ’ZILB:  Oh, this IS a strong one.  Here, then…

Draz’Zilb sprinkles some dust around the Grimtotem’s body, then waves his staff again.  The shadow cries out in terror, then cowers silently, trembling.

DRAZ’ZILB:  Shall we try that again?  The objective of your attack?

GRIMTOTEM:  We…we are looking for an ogre relic…

DONTRAG:  Ogre relic?

UTVOCH:  Zounds!

KROG:  What?

GARROSH:  PEANUT GALLERY, SHUT IT.

DRAZ’ZILB:  An ogre relic?  Strange that I wouldn’t know of any such thing, being as I am an ogre myself.  What is this relic you’re seeking?  What do you want with it?

GRIMTOTEM:  It isn’t us that want something with it.  It’s…it’s the Twilight’s Hammer.

GARROSH:  The FUCK he says?

DRAZ’ZILB:  Yes, the fuck you sa— erm, that is, what do you mean?  Why would the Twilight’s Hammer have an interest in an ogre artifact?

GRIMTOTEM:  We…our leaders learned that the Twilight’s Hammer are seeking the relic, and we think it’s most likely in the hands of one of the ogre clans.

DRAZ’ZILB:  According to whom?  Where is this coming from?

GRIMTOTEM:  Isha Gloomaxe arrived in Blackhoof Village with the news.  She said we needed to hunt down as many of the ogres as we can, until we find the relic or confirm it’s not in Dustwallow.

DRAZ’ZILB:  Is this what’s happening in Feralas as well?  The reason behind the attacks there on the Gordunni?

GRIMTOTEM:  Y…yes… Arnak Grimtotem himself was dispatched to oversee the search there, at least that’s what Isha told us…

GARROSH:  I’m not liking the sound of this.

DRAZ’ZILB:  But why?  What is it for?  What IS this relic?

GRIMTOTEM:  It’s…a magic vessel… Some…some months ago, Cho’gall held a gathering of ogres in Dire Maul.  The Twilight’s Hammer believe he had the relic forged while he was there.

GARROSH:  Yeah, I’m liking this even less.

GRIMTOTEM:  The relic is a phylactery…the phylactery of Cho’gall.  They believe…he bound a portion of his spirit to it.  They want to use it to resurrect Cho’gall.

KROG:  Oh fuck.

GARROSH:  Hang on, what the fuck.  That’s all well and shitty by itself, but what the hell do the fucking GRIMTOTEM want with it?

DRAZ’ZILB:  A fine question, good Chief.  A fine answer to follow, I’m sure.  Well, Karthag?  What interest DO the Grimtotem have in such a thing?

DONTRAG:  Maybe they’re trying to stop the Twilight’s Hammer?

UTVOCH:  Maybe they think they can use it to preserve their own leaders?

KROG:  Maybe you guys should shut the fuck up?

DRAZ’ZILB:  Maybe we should let the spirit answer the question before I run out of reagents here?

GRIMTOTEM:  We…don’t have a use for it.  Bringing back Cho’gall doesn’t matter to us.  But…we know that the Twilight Hammer wants it…and so if we can find it first…

GARROSH:  You can cut a deal with them.

DRAZ’ZILB:  Surely you don’t think they can be trusted.  They want to destroy the world!

GRIMTOTEM:  Our world…is already destroyed.  We’ve become outcasts of the Horde…our attempts to forge a truce with the Alliance have crumbled… We have precious few allies to turn to anymore.  And the hope is, if we can give the Twilight’s Hammer Cho’gall, they may help us regain some of what we’ve lost.

GARROSH:  You’re insane.  I seriously don’t know which of you is more crazy, the Grimtotem or the Twilights.

DRAZ’ZILB:  What’s the next move for you?  Where are your people striking next?

GRIMTOTEM:  I don’t know…very few of us ever knew more than our next mission… I just know what we’re looking for, but beyond that…

KROG:  Is he lying?  To cover for them?

DRAZ’ZILB:  Unlikely.  His spirit is broken enough at this point…I don’t think he has anything else for us.

GARROSH:  It was enough.

DRAZ’ZILB:  Indeed.

Draz’Zilb chuckles and waves his staff again.  The shade shudders violently, then dissipates into the air in a burst of shadow magic.  Karthag’s body seizes up, then collapses limply to the ground, lifeless.

GARROSH:  The FUCK, dude?!

DRAZ’ZILB:  Oh, I’m sorry, did I not tell you about that part?  My apologies.  The procedure does come, eventually, at the expense of the subject’s life.  Spirits are so terribly hard to reintegrate into bodies once they’ve been extracted, after all…

KROG:  Seriously, Alliance prisoners.  Really, really look into it.

 

I can’t even tell you how pissed off I am about this.  How is this going on, and the GRIMTOTEM are able to put it together before WE do?  What am I paying my undercover agents for, anyway?!  Isn’t this EXACTLY the kind of shit that they’re supposed to be digging up for me?

Obviously this is bad news in a major way.  I like to bust Thrall’s balls, but he actually has been breaking his ass trying to come up with a way to get the Deathwing situation under control, and the LAST thing we need is a wild card like Cho’gall to get thrown back into the mix this late in the game.  I’ve got to get this shit under control. And fast.

Stay tuned for updates.  Meanwhile, I’m dispatching messengers to Twilight Highlands tonight.  Sorry if it upsets you, Wega – I’m calling in Garona.

“Could you keep it down, please? I’m trying to be unsettlingly evil in here.”

News from Feralas, no news from Dustwallow

Posted in General with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 26, 2011 by Garrosh Hellscream

brackenwall5

A few quick updates on the ogre situation.

Orhan Ogreblade reports that Grimtotem activity in Feralas has shifted.  They’re still making frequent attacks on the Gordunni ogres, but apparently they’re becoming more focused.  The ogre outpost in the hills north of Camp Mojache has pretty much been wiped out (now maybe the goblins can go dig up their own damn ore what with the coast being clear), but they’ve pretty much stopped attacking the southern camps.  From what we can tell, nearly all their efforts now are being focused on the ogres around Dire Maul.

Meanwhile, the Grimtotem raider that Krog and company are holding down in Brackenwall hasn’t provided much information just yet.  Krog’s been working on his interrogation, but so far not much luck.  I know Dontrag and Utvoch have been trying to help Krog with the questioning, so I told Krog that maybe he wants to try doing it with D&U somewhere else, because don’t get me wrong, I like those two, they’re dedicated soldiers, and spirits know they mean well, but I’m pretty sure there’s some law of physics that says there’s a finite number of words that you can pack into a single room.  And having those two nearby has got to burn through your quota awfully damn fast.

Otherwise, I’m not sure exactly how Krog is approaching the interrogation, but I’m concerned that he might be trying to be a little too white hat about the whole thing.  I told him the old saying, you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar…point being, maybe he should cover the Grimtotem guy with honey, then tie him down in one of those areas in the swamp that’s swarming with giant flies.  That might get him talking a little faster.

See, this is why I need to be in charge.  My creative approach to problem-solving.  You’ve got to think outside the box.  And then put your enemies in the box, and light it on fire.

Which is why, by the way, I’ve decided that I need to take a more hands-on approach to all this.  No more sending grunts to do a Warchief’s job.  I’m flying down to Dustwallow to take charge of the interrogation myself.  And this Grimtotem dude better start talking quick, because I can tell you one thing, I’m not the guy you want to talk to if you’re looking for a little extra slack for the Grimtotem.

Taking off as soon as Mortimer is done with brunch.  Updates to follow.