Archive for illidan

Sibling rivalry (with an AA rhyme scheme)

Posted in EPIC VERSE with tags , , , , , , , , , on April 25, 2015 by Garrosh Hellscream

It’s still Friday somewhere, right?  Right…?

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EPIC VERSE BATTLES OF AZEROTH!

ILLIDAN STORMRAGE

VS.

MALFURION STORMRAGE

BEGIN!

MALFURION:

The horn has sounded, and I’ve come as promised
To confront at my calmest the storm that rages upon us;
I’ll take no joy in this, brother, and I’ll spare you the gallows,
But I’ll drop you down so hard you’ll find the Barrow Deeps shallow.
You were always a black sheep, but you took it deeper:
Betrayed our peeps to demons like you were some fel grim reaper.
I dreamt the dream of the sleeper; you daydreamed like a creeper:
Leering at your sister-in-law even without any peepers.

ILLIDAN:

You foolish furry, Furion, you know nought of what you’ve wrought,
For even my blind eyes can see what seeing eyes cannot.
Now I’m dropping verbal blades, and it’s time to end charades;
You portrayed me as Betrayer – nay, ’twas I who was betrayed!
Just the same, before you stand there spouting off “disloyal” slander,
Maybe you shouldn’t just stand there when a Horde raid stomps Tyrande.
And while you dozed, one never knows if I received a conjugal visit –
Oh yes, you’ll scoff…but it’s a thought you can’t simply dismiss, now is it?

MALFURION:

When you reached down in the well, you must have fished that witless jest.
Maiev may be naught without you, but without you, you are less.
You sold your soul to demons, now to all persona non grata;
You were once an epic hero – now you’re a warglaive piñata.
Rejected, hated, friendless; and remember, when you go
Brooding on your skull of Gul’dan: you know him not, Horatio.
Slither off now to your naga; take the loss here that you’re due –
But based on Arthas, I suppose you’ll think you won this battle, too.

ILLIDAN:

You were always quick to lecture with your arrogance arthurian;
Here, have seven vials of shut the fuck up and hush, Malfurion!
Sold out? I used the Legion for the power I’d inherit;
I may now be half demon, but you’re at least a quarter ferret.
Alas, your beard – and facial hair – don’t have anyone fooled.
Now I hope you’ve taken rhyming notes, for Sha’do’s getting schooled.
You’ve had enough? Now shift to fraidy-cat and run off scared,
For I declare, brother, in this battle you were not prepared.

WHO WON?

WHO’S NEXT?

YOU DECIDE!

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EPIC VERSE BATTLES OF AZEROTH!

 

[Next Friday…the Garrosh’s Poetry Challenge bonus-edition finale!  (Who will it be?  Who’s to say?!  GET YOUR SUGGESTIONS IN EARLY!  And…I promise… some overdue for-real for-real posts between then and now!]

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How to make friends and influence demons

Posted in Comics with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 19, 2015 by Garrosh Hellscream

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* As readers of Jubeka’s journal from the green fire quest chain will recall, it was Jubeka’s fascination with more powerful demons that led to the introduction of the Grimoire of Supremacy talent for warlocks in Mists of Pandaria.  Which…roughly corresponds serendipitously with the time of Mokvar’s disappearance on this adventure.

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* Those of you who completed the green fire chain will recall much of this exchange from the Pursuing the Black Harvest solo scenario.  (Yes, I doctored the exchange a little here, but I have to be allowed some artistic license, right?  RIGHT?!)

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* Faranell surprised Garrosh here by turning up in Orgrimmar sporting a brand new (albeit possibly ill-fitting) jaw…

** …which evidently didn’t last very long.  According to Faranell, when Shayari made her unauthorized departure from the Undercity, she managed to damage the new acquisition.  A repair bill to be forwarded to the Warchief is still pending.

Monday mailbag

Posted in EPIC VERSE, Mailbag with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 12, 2011 by Garrosh Hellscream

So first of all, thanks to the people who showed their support over my trip to Grom’s monument in Demon Fall Canyon.  Also Spazzle was helpful getting the pictures up on the blog, because for some reason he wasted all kinds of timing learning how to do dorky stuff like that while he was tinkering around with all the weird gadgets those goblins keep piling up in the Valley of Spirits.

As one last tribute to the whole experience, I decided to write something up to commemorate my father’s sacrifice and Thrall’s first trip to Nagrand, when he showed me what had really gone down with Mannoroth.

 

There once was an orc from Nagrand
Who by chance, luckily, was on hand
For the Warchief’s arrival,
With glamors archival,
Fuck you, Varian.
To reveal Grom’s last glorious stand.

 

EPIC VERSE!

 

On to this week’s mail.

 

Greetings, Warchief!

I was just wondering if I’ve unintentionally done something to cause offense among the other Horde leaders.  I’ve noticed that I don’t seem to be receiving summons to any of the summit meetings you hold with the other faction leaders, and for that matter, other than Sylvanas, none of the others have returned any of my messages.

–Lor’themar Theron, Silvermoon City

Wait, who are you again?  Lor’themar?  Isn’t that the dude Orgrim Doomhammer killed at Blackrock Mountain like forever ago?  You’re still alive WTF?  Oh wait a minute – Silvermoon, you must be that blood elf leader.  Didn’t we kill you after you went all crazy and tried to summon Kil’jaeden and shit?  OH HANG ON, you blood elves have a HISTORY of not staying dead, don’t you?  Oh fuck, here we go again, we’ve got another blood elf zombie running around.  Just what we need.  Someone get Saurfang in on this shit before this one goes all Keleseth on us.

 

Hey mon,

You know how much I can be sellin’ dese for?  [Warglaive of Azzinoth] [Warglaive of Azzinoth]

–Bob, Echo Isles

Oh geez, here we go again.  WELCOME TO FIVE YEARS AGO, idiot.  You can’t sell those, moron, because IF you ever got them in the first place, they would have magically bound to you when you took them off Illidan’s corpse, LIKE YOU WERE ONE OF THE ONES WHO KILLED ILLIDAN in the first place!  And who cares about those anyway, seeing as we’ve got bigger and better things to be thinking of at this point, because it’s not FIVE YEARS AGO!  AND BEFORE YOU E-MAIL ME AGAIN, no, you also can’t sell [Thunderfury, Blessed Blade of the Windseeker].

 

Um, dude, seriously?  The poetry blogging thing is totally my deal.  Find your own gimmick, will you?

–Sargeras, Twisting Nether

WHY DON’T YOU COME MAKE ME!  You heard me!  I’m right here, you want to make something of it, come get me!

Yeah, I bet we won’t be hearing from him again.  Not for, like, a few years anyway.

 

Finally, this message arrived in the form of a comment on Spazzle’s post from a few days ago, but I thought it merited a response here:

Dear Warchief,

I am an 8 year old forsaken mage and I have a question for you. Is there honor left in the horde?  My friends (also forsaken) all say that there is no honour, only plague, valkrys and undeath.  Sylvanus says to believe what you see and she saw only darkness when the bad man godfrey killed her. Please tell me the truth, is there honour in the horde? (even for forsaken?)

–Pluton, undead mage

Honor, Pluton.  No matter how dire the battle, never forsake it.

Varok Saurfang taught me that when we served together in Northrend.  His words have never left my thoughts, and I think they’re especially fitting here.  Your people may call themselves the Forsaken, but it’s not really so.  You are not forsaken.  Honor does not forsake us.  We forsake it…and as long as we don’t, it won’t either.

I’ll be honest with you.  I’ve always had my doubts about the undead, and about Sylvanas in particular.  I worry that she has her own agenda.  I wonder how loyal she truly is to the Horde.  Ever since the siege of the Undercity, I’ve had nagging doubts about just how much of Putress’s plan was really going on without her knowing.  There’s a reason why I’m keeping a Kor’kron detachment there.  (And no, Bragor, I’m still not giving you a three-day pass.  Seriously.  You can stop with the damn e-mails.)

But I’ll tell you this, too: If you’re finding yourself worrying about whether there’s honor left for you as a Forsaken, then you already have your answer.

Men without honor do not agonize over losing it.

Sylvanas was right about one thing.  You do have to trust what you see.  I see a Horde made up of races – every one of them – who have endured unspeakable losses, suffered horrifying pain…and carry on, bending but not breaking, holding up their heads the best they can.  I see Thrall and Cairne – every day as if they were still in front of my eyes – fighting through burning ruins to save the children of blood elves they’ll never know.

Yes, we Horde have had our share of dishonorable names.  But for every Gul’dan, we have an Eitrigg.  For every Magatha Grimtotem, there’s a Cairne.  And then there’s my father, Grommash…the worst of us, and the greatest of us.  He was the first to drink Mannoroth’s demon blood and doom the orcs to slavery…and the one to buy back our freedom with his own life.  A reminder for all of us that honor never really leaves us.  It only lays dormant until we reclaim what was always ours.

Even for Sylvanas.  Somewhere inside that…unscrupulous shell, there’s a elven ranger general who stood alone between the Scourge and the fall of her people, and cut down legions of undead before laying down her life.  A spirit so strong that not even the Lich King could break it, so strong that she willed her violated people to the closest semblance of freedom left for them.  If that freedom is a pale imitation of living, then it’s also the last, best gift Windrunner had to give, however paltry it may have been.  If what Sylvanas has become has cost her her soul – if darkness really is all the awaits her – then that should only magnify her sacrifice…because everything she’s become is the price she willingly paid for her people.

I hope someday she can find some piece of what made her one of the greatest of her kind.  I’m just not holding my breath.

 

UGH…that was hard.  HEAD HURTS.  Remind me not to do that again.  And dammit, did I actually just talk myself into respecting Sylvanas?  Crap.

Anyway, I still have to talk about the rest of the Ashenvale stops, plus I’ve got to start getting ready for some more of these inspections.  Dammit, I don’t know why I even bother unpacking.  More soon.