Archive for feralas

Filling in the gaps

Posted in General with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 19, 2012 by Garrosh Hellscream

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Okay, I was planning on writing this a lot earlier, but I ended up sleeping WAY late that first night back in Orgrimmar, which had me up late last night, and blah blah, up-late-sleeping-in domino effect.  Any of you who’ve gotten into a late-nighter groove on Earth Online know the drill.  Anyway, I’m back in Grommash Hold finally and settled in, and HOLY SHIT it’s good to be able to crash in my own bed again.

So I’m figuring you’re all probably wondering what was going on on my end of things since the last time I posted.  Saurfang and Garona have been giving me the run-down about their side, but I’m still in the process of getting caught up on what Saurfang was posting here while I was out of it.  Anyway, let me try to fill in what I can and maybe fill some gaps for you guys.

Last time you heard from me I was flying down to Alcaz Island.  When I got to the island, Dontrag and Utvoch were still just chilling at one of those naga conjuring rune circles with Skarr, and so I figured I’d gotten there in time to get a jump on things.  Before I could get my bearings, though, a gang of tauren led by Magatha Grimtotem showed up and attacked.  At the time I assumed they were Grimtotem, but from the sound of things now, they must have been Twilights and just happened to be tauren.  Probably hand-picked, actually, so they could seem like they were Grimtotem.  Maybe.  Anyhow, they attacked, and somehow or other Skarr managed to get loose not long after.  Magatha was hanging back some and I could hear her chanting something, but I was a little too focused on the couple dozen dudes I had beating on me at the time, so I wasn’t really paying too much attention to it.

What happened next is still pretty fuzzy.  All of a sudden there was a blinding flash, and I remember being thrown back a long ways.  I think I hit my head on a tree or rock as I was falling back, but before I passed out I remember seeing a lot of the other tauren and maybe D&U getting thrown around by the blast.  I don’t remember seeing Skarr from that point – I think he was the explosion.  Looking back on it based on what Saurfang’s told me, I guess he must have been walking around with some kind of explosive enchantment, and Magatha detonated him when she arrived.  So he really was a time bomb, just a lot more literal than I was figuring.

And for that matter…turns out I was right, just not for the right reasons.  I thought Skarr was the phylactery, and we’d gotten baited into a trap bringing him out in the open.  Well, we got baited into a trap, all right.  But Skarr wasn’t the phylactery.  He never was.  He was the bait.

The next several…days, I guess? I’m not sure…were a blur.  All I can remember is bits and pieces.  Being picked up and dragged around, sounds of the ocean, grunting from ogres and ettin…that sulphury smell from the incense that the Twilights always seem to have burning all over the place.  Purplish walls.  I don’t know how long I was out before I finally came around for good.  Even then I felt pretty groggy, so I’m figuring the fuckers were using some kind of magical mojo on me to keep me subdued.

When I finally came around, I was in the Bastion of Twilight.  Magatha was running the show.  Which, considering the place was obviously overrun by Twilights and not Grimtotem, didn’t make a whole lot of sense to me.  But man, was she ever proud of herself for having me under wraps.  I had a few choice words for her…okay, you know me better than that, I had a few choice paragraphs for her…but after I got the initial outrage out of my system (which granted took a while), I managed to get her monologuing.  Thank goodness for villains who can’t fight the urge to run their mouths, that’s all I’m going to say.

So come to find out, Magatha cooked up the story about the phylactery and fed it to the other Grimtotem through Arnak Grimtotem and Isha Gloomaxe, had her people running around making trouble for the ogres under the pretense of finding it, knowing that sooner or later word would get back to the Twilights and they would be all “WTF there’s no phylactery, is this bitch crazy?”  Which okay, she is, but whatever.  Arnak and Isha were the only other Grimtotem who ever knew the real story, or part of it, anyway – there was no phylactery, it was just Magatha’s way to get the Twilight’s Hammer’s attention and bait them into coming for her.  Which they did, in Thousand Needles.  And when they raided the Grimtotem and captured Magatha to interrogate her, they were really doing exactly what she wanted.

Once she was the Twilights’ “prisoner,” that put Magatha in a position to make them an offer they couldn’t refuse.  Sure, there wasn’t any phylactery, but she HAD found a way they could revive Cho’gall, and she was ready to make them a deal.  All she needed was the Doomstone, which the Twilights already had, that collection of tauren relics, which the Grimtotem already had, and a new body for Cho’gall spirit to set up shop in.

On the drawing board, that was going to be Skarr – THAT was his special duty, the job Cho’gall had in mind for him.  Somehow or other Cho’gall knew it could be possible to bring him back in a new body if need be, and had Skarr in mind to be the one, which a handful of those Gordunni ogres were aware of even if Cho’gall didn’t spread word around among the cult in general.  Who knows, maybe one of Magatha’s tribesmen in Feralas got wind of this from the ogres somehow, and that’s what got the call rolling on this idea in the first place.  Anyway…

The only thing that was missing was Magatha’s end of the deal.  I’ll give her this much, she’s no idiot, and she knew better than to trust the Twilights to hold up their end of the bargain if she went ahead and gave them Cho’gall up front.  So that was her one ace in the hole: she was the only one they knew of who could do it, and they weren’t getting any resurrection until she’d gotten her payoff.  As far as the other Grimtotem were concerned, the payoff was help in regaining power, retaking the Grimtotem’s lost territory…but in reality, Magatha knew that was a lost cause.  For now anyway.  The Grimtotem were reduced to bands of renegades, they were banished from tauren society and cast out of the Horde, they couldn’t even get the Alliance to give them the time of day…there was too much lost and too many enemies stacked against them for them to hold on very long even IF the Twilights helped them regain a foothold.  Better to let the Twilights get Cho’gall back, and let the world burn.  At least her enemies would burn with it.

But what she wanted was to be sure one enemy in particular would be the first to go down.

Remember that letter I wrote to Magatha, when she asked me for help in her coup in Thunder Bluff, and I told her where she could stick it?

Yeah.  Guess who.

That’s when they started letting information about all of this start reaching us, to set off their plan to lure me out.  Eventually when we went after Skarr, they started putting the pieces in place for a backup plan that would let them kill two birds with one stone – let us get Skarr, feed us more information through him, then set me up to be captured…and then put me into the Skarr role as Cho’gall’s future place of residence.  A live Cho’gall and a dead Garrosh all in one fell swoop.  Cho’gall’s revived spirit would take over, my soul would be burned up by the restoration – “consumed by the fires of resurrection” as she put it – and my body would be corrupted into something more “suitable” for him.  Fun stuff.

Eventually they even had good luck on their side.  In my stupidity, I sent that fucker Johnny Awesome to Thousand Needles, where the Twilights were still holding Magatha in “protective custody,” which gave her an opening to round up all the magical doohickeys she needed and cover her tracks all at the same time.  I mean, think of it – at this point she was ALREADY basically screwing over her own tribe for the sake of helping the Twilights burn the world down.  So now rather than having to come up with another cover story to keep leading the other Grimtotem on, she just sent Johnny Awesome to round up the stuff she needed from them, then got him to KILL Arnak and Isha, the only Grimtotem who knew anything at all about what Magatha was really up to in the first place.  And then he comes back, “steals” the Doomstone for her, and sends her off on her way, so as far as anyone can tell, she’s just ESCAPED the Twilights rather than working with them.

Gotta admit, this is all so sly and sneaky I’d actually be kind of impressed, if it wasn’t all so totally revolting.

Anyway…you can probably see how everything played out from there, the trap-within-a-trap at Alcaz Island, and all the rest.  Which brings us back to me being held in the Bastion of Twilight.

Eventually a couple of ettin dragged me out of my cell and set me up in a scaffold in the middle of Cho’gall’s old throne room.  Still a little groggy from whatever spells they’d been casting on me, but I guess they needed me conscious for the big pay-off.  Either that or Magatha wanted me awake so I could feel every last bit of it.  Probably both.  The scaffolding actually didn’t feel THAT tight, and the wood seemed to have a little give to it, but I wasn’t sure how much time I was going to have to struggle with it at that point.

Anyway, Magatha stood up beside me with the Doomstone in hand, tauren relics set up all around us, and started doing some incantations that who the fuck knows what they meant.  Apparently the ritual called for some kind of ritual bloodletting (blood is life or some shit like that), and since Magatha wasn’t exactly one to turn up a chance to rub some salt in the would, she had the cultists bring her Gorehowl – she was going to spill my blood with my own axe.  And then, just to add insult to injury…wait, no, she was already adding insult to injury…to add extra insult to insult and injury, she decides she has to get her last jab in, and says something along the lines of, “Fitting, isn’t it, a little loosed blood sets you on your way to becoming a monster that will lay waste to your world…like father, like son, eh, Hellscream?”

And I’m not going to lie to you – THAT?  That pissed me.  The fuck.  OFF.

And seriously, when you’re trying to finish an old-school warrior, Magatha, what’s the one thing you never want to fucking do?  Yeah.  Feed him extra free rage.

Crack.

Snap.

Broken scaffold.

Pummeled tauren bitch crone, flying across the room.  Gorehowl back in the right hands, and a whole room full of Twilights running in to take a number at the deli counter OF MOTHERFUCKING PAIN.

Just so happens, as I was starting to fight my way back out, Saurfang and the rest were making their way in.  I think they might have run into a couple batches of cultists that Magatha sent back out to the exit to secure the way out while I was on the move.  Kinda wish I’d been there to see the looks on their faces when they came out of the portal, actually.  “Okay, guys, we’ll just lock this down and WHERE THE FUCK DID THIS OTHER ARMY COME FROM **CLEAVE**”

So…I think that covers everything.  I probably missed a few details here and there, but fuck, this was long enough already, no need to go piling on more.  Anyway I can try to answer any left over questions you guys might have.  Otherwise, it’s going to be good to get back to semi-normal life, answer my mail, all that good stuff.  I’ll write more soon, about some less apocalypsey stuff.

I’ll say this much, though.  Magatha’s day is coming.  I can take some comfort in knowing that now she’s probably an even greater outcast, even more alone, than she’s ever been, now that she’s not only an exile from the tauren, but she’s even betrayed the one remaining tribe that would have had her.  But this?  Just wait till I finally get my hands on her, and get a chance to crush her under my heel.  CRUSH her.  See if the elements protect her then.  Crush and burn and drown and suffocate.  ‘Tis a little dream I have.

More soon.  And also, um…yeah.  Thanks for coming after me.

The Loop Closes

Posted in From the Desk of Saurfang with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 29, 2012 by Garrosh Hellscream

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Citizens of the Horde,

I am pleased to report that our movements against the Grimtotem clan proceed well.

Overlord Cliffwalker, who had already brought the Grimtotem in Stonetalon Mountains well under control, has effectively tightened our grip on their encampments; likewise, the two major Grimtotem outposts in Dustwallow Marsh offered little resistance to our forces.  Many of them, it would appear, have fled south to Thousand Needles, and many of those who remained readily surrendered when Horde forces arrived and provided first-hand illustration of, shall we say, the Grimtotem’s mathematically untenable situation.

[When you fight Saurfang, Saurfang always has you outnumbered.  Even if Saurfang is alone, he has you outnumbered. –Mkvr., ed.]

As we have several Grimtotem captives on hand, I have placed the tenacious rogue Krog in charge of their interrogation, with the aid of the obsequious duo Dontrag and Utvoch.  I anticipate useful information forthcoming; in the meantime, our forces will continue on to Thousand Needles and Feralas, where they will continue to put pressure on the remaining Grimtotem outposts.

While our field commanders undertake these operations, I will be traveling to Silithus, where I will personally take command of our troops for the beginning of our strike on the Twilight’s Hammer forces in Ahn’Qiraj.

The tide turns in our favor, friends.  Honor go with us all.

 

-Saurfang

Pertaining to Incursions against the Twilight’s Hammer and Grimtotem

Posted in From the Desk of Saurfang with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 25, 2012 by Garrosh Hellscream

Citizens of the Horde,

It is a well-known aphorism that it is unwise to fight a war on two fronts.  While I generally hold to the wisdom of this proverb, we find ourselves in a situation now where conflict has been forced upon us from multiple directions, and appropriate response on multiple fronts is indeed called for.  I am reluctant to overextend our forces in such a tumultuous time as now, but circumstance dictates quick and decisive action in a number of directions.

Our forces have successfully mobilized in Silithus and have surrounded all points of entry to the Temple of Ahn’Qiraj.  Garona Halforcen has returned to the zone and is coordinating the positioning of our troops with aid from the arenaceous field commander Krug Skullsplit.  In the process of moving our forces into position, several of our battalions passed through regions marked by various Twilight encampments; these nefarious outposts are now, one might say, severely understaffed.  Now that we can be confident that no Twilight forces will be able to escape Silithus, we have begun laying plans to send forces into the temple to put an end to the Twilight threat altogether.

Meanwhile, we have the Grimtotem to deal with.  While Magatha Grimtotem has not been seen since her flight from Thousand Needles – an escape facilitated, I am told, by the ignominious blood elf Johnny Awesome – the testimony of Dontrag and Utvoch confirms the Grimtotem presence on Alcaz Island just prior to Warchief Hellscream’s disappearance.  We are therefore undertaking a systematic sweep of all known Grimtotem settlements, both to investigate for further possible clues to the Warchief’s whereabouts, and also to demonstrate through appropriate force the severity of the actions that have been taken by their tribe against the people of the Horde.

I have sent the adumbral investigator Krog back to Brackenwall Village in Dustwallow Marsh, where, together with Nazeer Bloodpike and the ogre chieftain Tharg, he will arrange a series of strikes against the Grimtotem of Blackhoof Village and Direhorn Post.  Meanwhile, I have authorized Overlord Chieftain Cliffwalker of Stonetalon Mountains to escalate his already highly effective activity against the Grimtotem in that region.  Our actual military activities will focus on these areas while Horde forces in Feralas and Thousand Needles begin to make preparations to begin strikes there as well; as the outlying regions are secured, we will redirect forces to further support the newer operations in neighboring zones.

To any Grimtotem who might see this – I know not how adept the Grimtotem as a people may be in the ways of the internet – I would offer this counsel: surrender and offer full cooperation to Horde forces when they arrive.  It will save all of us time; it will save you, most certainly, a great deal of suffering.

It has been suggested to me that it may be unwise for me to speak directly to the Grimtotem in such a fashion here, or, indeed, to lay out our plans where hostile eyes might see them.  Foreknowledge of our activities, so the reasoning goes, will only enable the Grimtotem to prepare and counter our actions.  To this I would respond from the experience of many battles: foreknowledge of a threat only affects the outcome where the threat itself was marginal to begin with.  If you look out your window and see a fiery meteor the size of Coldarra hurtling down toward you, rest assured that your knowledge of its coming will not in any way empower you to prevent your house from shortly being replaced by a burning crater.

I will continue to keep you abreast of developing news, friends.  Honor go with us all.

 

-Saurfang

 

 

[Header image provided by Angelya from Revive and Rejuvenate, used here with permission and many thanks.]

Wherein I get clever and stuff

Posted in General with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 3, 2012 by Garrosh Hellscream

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Okay, back to business.

I’m writing from Brackenwall Village.  I just finished a strategy session with Krog, Drazz’Zilb, and Dontrag and Utvoch.  By all signs, the Grimtotem here in Dustwallow are still hitting the Stonemaul ogres, and I’ve also gotten confirmation from Orhan Ogreblade that the Grimtotem in Feralas are still active around the Maul.  So, that tells us that the Grimtotem still believe that the phylactery is being held by the ogres in one place or the other, and that they haven’t gotten wind of what’s going on in Silithus yet.  Which means if we move quickly, we might have an opportunity here.

Here’s the thing: we know the Grimtotem operations in Feralas and Dustwallow were being coordinated by Arnak Grimtotem and Isha Gloomaxe.  We also know that those two – along with a couple other high-ranking Grimtotem – are dead now, courtesy of (ugh) Johnny Awesome.  And now that Magatha is on the loose again (oh and did I mention DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT FUCK YOU JOHNNY AWESOME FUCK YOU RIGHT UP YOUR FUCKING ASS), smart money says she’s going to be keeping a close eye on the search, seeing as the plan most likely came from her in the first place.

We’re going to get her.  Keep reading for the nuts and bolts.

I’m having Skarr moved from Stonemaul Hold to Brackenwall Village, where the ogres will hold him until we’re ready to put the plan into motion.  Then we’re going to let word slip out to the Grimtotem that we’ve captured a Twilight operative who knows where the phylactery is hidden, and is going to lead us to it.  We’ll let them “find out” when and where, and at the set time we’ll even have Skarr transported to the location so there’s every appearance that the hand-off is going to happen.  If we play this right, word will get right back to Magatha of what’s going on, and she’ll send her boys to try to intercept the phylactery.  What’s more, if I know anything about Magatha – especially now that her main flunkies are out of commission – she’s not going to want to leave anything to chance.  With any luck, she’ll come out of hiding herself to personally land the phylactery.  And we’ll be waiting for her.

I’ve gone over the plan with Krog and the others, and I think we’ve gotten the final details sorted out.  We’re going to let the Grimtotem think that the phylactery is hidden on Alcaz Island, off the Dustwallow coast.  First off, it’s a remote spot without much reason for anyone to go to otherwise.  Just as important, Drazz’Zilb tells me the island is covered with runes and conjuring circles from the naga mystics there, and so that should make it pretty easy to sell the idea that the phylactery is under some kind of magic lock and key, with Skarr being the only one able to get to it.  This way Magatha will figure her best bet it to hit the island when we take Skarr there, rather than trying to get there before us and waste her time trying to track down a phylactery hidden who-knows-where that she can only unlock access to who-knows-how.

Meanwhile Garona will be holding down the fort in Silithus, where our Kor’kron forces will be set in position soon.  Patrols already have the Silithus borders covered, so we know the real phylactery is contained.  Just a matter of springing the trap there, and this should all finally be over.  Still, it’s only a matter of time before word gets out about what’s going on there, so I don’t want to wait on Trap #1 before we set Trap #2.  Or vice versa.  Whatever.  Number the traps in the order that makes you happy.  Point is, I want to get the ball rolling on Alcaz Island ASAP.  I’m heading back to Orgrimmar now to line up the final details.  Updates soon.

Good news and really, really bad news

Posted in General with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 29, 2011 by Garrosh Hellscream

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First the good news.

I just checked in with Krog and Draz’Zilb at Brackenwall Village, and things seem to be lining up on a couple fronts.  For one, everything we learned from Skarr seems to check out.  Draz’Zilb seems pretty knowledgeable on this kind of creepy black magic type stuff, and according to him it would make sense that C’thun’s chamber in Ahn’Qiraj would be an ideal place to pull off a resurrection once they have the phylactery.  From what he said (if I remember this right – there was a whole lot of hocus-pocus necro-babble), since Cho’gall tried to revive C’thun in that chamber, and actually let himself become an avatar for C’thun at one point, the surrounding area should be attuned to his essence in a way that will help focus the incantation.  Apparently that’s the trade-off for this kind of ritual – restoring somebody’s spirit from a non-living vessel doesn’t take a whole lot of magical energy, but it does need something attuned to that particular spirit in order to focus the spell properly, as opposed to living vessels, which I guess actually keep the essence better preserved but require an immense amount of power to unlock.  So considering the Twilight ties in Silithus, this lines up pretty ideally for them.

Meanwhile, the misdirection operation in Dustwallow Marsh seems to be working.  Draz’Zilb has been putting on some regular pyrotechnic shows both in the village and around the general area, to make it seem like they’re up to something, and we’ve been sending out search parties of ogres and orcs alike to play up the appearance that we’ve got something brewing.  The Grimtotem seem to be taking the bait, since attacks on the village have been happening more frequently the last few days.  So far so good.

Now for the bad news.  And…yeah, I actually can’t believe this one.  I have to admit, at this point I can’t say I’m totally unaccustomed to shooting myself in the foot somehow, but OH COME ON.

So, remember a few days ago, when Garona and I met that blood elf guy at the Steam Pools resort?  Johnny Awesome?  (Yes, really.)  Yeah, and remember how he wanted to help out, and do some quests for me personally?  And how I sent him off to Thousand Needles or Tanaris to keep him busy?

Yeah, well, guess who I just heard back from.

Lakota Windsong, one of our main tauren operatives in Thousand Needles.

And guess who turned up looking to help, and got sent off on some tasks for Lakota?

Yep, you guessed it.  Johnny Awesome.

Oh, and guess who APPARENTLY was also down there in Thousand Needles, unbeknownst to anyone except for Lakota Windsong and a few others who neglected to tell ME for what reason I CANNOT FUCKING IMAGINE, and who APPARENTLY had been captured and was being held by the Twilight’s Hammer cultists down there, that is until one Johnny Awesome happened along and FUCKING HELPED HER ESCAPE and now she’s ON THE LOOSE again??

MAGATHA FUCKING GRIMTOTEM.

YEAH.  YEAH.  YOU READ THAT RIGHT.

Excuse me one second.

sdljkfygjs09eap875oyhtowi8ej7to98qw37eyhju0vg98y13ouikltyhnudfj7 shyv5f0p9q23y5ikt7q3yhno4iktlugyheq98o5gq3ui5ynq39oh867q3h40p 9tyqiuverkyhaow8l7tohqb23p89yh1p8956vq734poj985tb77potyhq89o3 275vygj8w45p90q374j5p9v82y3p5o9v8jy73p98q0jv3567qh34p9567j30 p9867p304975ujmp9oq347560q93p47jy5683456t90327j4u5v89yq30p9 57yvoq93475ypqv9375yjvp9oq8w37y5j890qv75jpq;v2yu5p9;q3847uv6m jp9q38y746p98vt7q04p87p345vty7j8934756jyp0v9q3476ypo89q347y6j t0e34y5tp9q37y4p968j7yw90pe48j7yv6098q374yj6v0p9487p7q3y4v86 7jtyq8epythiseurhgliasehrgtkjaeyhrtliuaeyrtiouyiortuyhilLIUYRIOUGF JYILTYHAEJKRGHTOEIAQYRTHVOILQWY3U5JOVQ3I8WY5ROIQ UYIOY!!!!!!!!!!!1111!!1!11!!111!!one!!!!!111!!!!!!!eleven!!!!!!!!!!!

TWO HUNDRED AND EIGHTY-SEVEN THOUSAND GALLONS OF WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK, DUDE!!!

Oh but wait, you want details?  Sure!  Absolutely!  LET ME GIVE YOU THE FUCKING DETAILS!!!

APPARENTLY, after Magatha got her ass booted out of Thunder Bluff, she went into hiding in Thousand Needles, and when the Twilight’s Hammer started stepping up their activity there, they captured her along with a batch of others.  (NICE HOW THEY WERE ABLE TO TRACK HER DOWN RIGHT OFF LIKE THAT, HUH??  YET ANOTHER BANG-UP JOB BY MY CRACK TEAM!)  So when Lakota sent Johnny Awesome around to help clean up the Grimtotem mess down there, Magatha started sending messages to the stupid elf to get him to release her pet wind serpent Arikara.  Along the way Johnny Awesome also killed Arnak Grimtotem and Isha Gloomaxe, so okay, good news there, since that takes out the braintrust that had been coordinating all the ogre business in Feralas and Dustwallow, but whatever, because along the way, Johnny Awesome ALSO managed to round up a batch of ancient tauren relics – the Writ of History, the Rattle of Bones, and the Drums of War – and ended up fucking handing them OVER to Magatha.

Because, get this, after he’d done all this good work killing off these high-ranking Grimtotem, Johnny Awesome got sent to the Twilight outpost to check up on Magatha…and not only does he fucking HAND OVER THESE RELICS, but he goes out and acquires ANOTHER powerful artifact called the Doomstone…which he ALSO fucking HANDS OVER TO MAGATHA…and THEN, just to finish up, HE FUCKING FREES HER FROM THE TWILIGHTS AND LETS HER SKIP OFF ON HER MERRY FUCKING WAY!!!

I…

It…

He…

SLDKGJSHFGKJSHFGKUSDFJHGKLJSDFHGNKLSJDHFGKSJDH FGKUJSFGHKSERHTGLIKUHTGLISERHGJK,LDLIUGBYHSGITYH EIRGTHLERHGTLIEAHGLJKSADEHGLJKAEHGLJSERGLSELIGU HSGRHSERGHERGH

[Insert vocabulary failure here.]

So, yeah.  Before I forget:

IMPORTANT NOTICE TO ALL LOYAL CITIZENS OF THE HORDE, FROM YOUR WARCHIEF:  Effective immediately, THERE WILL BE A REWARD OF TEN THOUSAND OF ONE MILLION OF MORE THAN YOU CAN POSSIBLY COUNT TO BE PAID TO WHOEVER DELIVERS TO GROMMASH HOLD THE MUTILATED (but identifiable) CORPSE OF ONE JOHNNY AWESOME.

(Additional note to Wega and/or Uukra: If it’s you, there might be a dinner date in it for you.  Consider it your incentive.)

THAT IS ALL.

P.S.:  The FUCK!!  AAARRRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

Conversations with crazy people

Posted in General, Transcripts with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 27, 2011 by Garrosh Hellscream

So back to business.  Now that some of the holiday festivities are behind us, it’s about time I fill you all in on what’s been going on with this whole phylactery business.

Like I was saying a few days ago, after Garona and I captured Skarr we brought him back to Stonemaul Hold and held him for questioning for a while.  Good thing is that it ended up not taking too much to get some partial answers out of him.  Mokvar was on hand to record the interrogation, so I’ve copied a part below so you can see how things went.  I cut out some early stuff with Skarr just being generally crazy before we started getting actual information, but I think you’ll get the idea.

 

GARONA:  I’m not sure we’re getting anywhere.  Do you think we should bring in that ogre from Brackenwall?

GARROSH:  Draz’Zilb?  No, that won’t work here.

GARONA:  Why not?  It got you what you needed from that Grimtotem.

SKARR:  Foolish bulls, cows, grazing in the woods, running around and back and forth, chasing their tails, they look for Skarr, they look, but no, they never find him, stupid cows, never look the right way in front of behind them and see…

GARROSH:  First of all, Draz’Zilb’s voodoo mojo thingy was all about forcing the prisoner to come face to face with their greatest fears until they give in just out of self-preservation.

GARONA:  So?

GARROSH:  You think self-preservation is the way to go with a lunatic?  A lunatic working for the Old Gods, for that matter?  Either he’s crazy enough to think they’re going to spare him…

SKARR:  Preserved, yes, kept for the masters, held for them, alive, alive, need Skarr alive, all of us alive until we all die, die for the masters, die in glory, die in flame, HAHA!

GARROSH:  …or he knows he’s going to end up dead.  And signed on for it anyway.  Either way, we’re not dealing with a normal mind here.

SKARR:  Haha, you talk like Skarr not here!  Skarr knows!  Skarr mind have more than you think, Skarr almost outsmart so smart you think, you think, you…you… <stares>

GARROSH:  Besides…Draz’Zilb’s thing will kill him.

SKARR:  HAH!  Kill!  Kill!  All around, blackness all, all awaiting.  It comes, it comes, crawling, swarming…

GARONA:  I’m not so sure that’s a bad thing.

SKARR:  Death comes for you all.  HAHA!

GARROSH:  No.  We want this one alive.  He’s not just some random foot soldier.

SKARR:  Stupid foolish cows.

Garrosh leans in close, staring into Skarr’s face.

GARROSH:  There’s something in there.

GARONA:  We’ll get it.

Skarr grins wide and lets out a crazed laugh.

GARROSH:  But before too long the Twilights are going to know he’s gone missing, and it’s not going to take a whole lot of brain power to figure out where he went.  Hell, with all the spies they seem to have, they might already know.

SKARR:  Stupid orcses, think you so smart, Skarr outsmart you, almost outsmart and hack and hack and kill in the woods!

GARROSH:  Wow he’s proud of that poison move.

GARONA:  Sharper than most ogres would think to do, I’ll grant him.

GARROSH:  But, point is…if we kill him, they’ll find out quick enough.  And then they’ll know we have everything he knew.  So we keep him alive.

SKARR:  Hold Skarr, yes, yes, keep me close, watching – HAH! – waiting, watching, tick, tock, the hour comes, tick, tock, tick, tock, tick, tock…

Garrosh leans in closer, still staring.

GARROSH:  Oh, don’t worry, Skarr.  You’ll still die eventually.

SKARR:  <grin fades>  Orc die too.  Die in fire!  Shadow and flame, tick, tock, the Hour of Twilight comes…

GARROSH:  <shakes head>  No… See, Skarr, that’s just it.  Your big bad hot-shit apocalypse we’re all going to die in?  It’s not coming.

Skarr’s face melts into a scowl as he glares at Garrosh in silence.

And you’re going to live just long enough to know that you lost.

Garrosh walks away from the ogre and stands by Garona, both of them watching him intently.

SKARR:  <mutters>  Tick, tock…

GARROSH:  Would be nice if he didn’t just talk in circles, though.

GARONA:  That’s fine.  Let him talk in circles.  That’s good.

SKARR:  Yes, yes, round and round, circling spinning, circles closing, closing, always closing in around you…tick, tock, tick…

GARROSH:  See?  How is that good?

GARONA:  Remember, I’ve done my share of interrogations, too.  The Twilight’s Hammer…the humans…

SKARR:  Stupid stupid foolish cows, chasing, chasing, chasing their tails…

GARONA:  Crazy or not, when they talk in circles, you just have to let them keep talking.  Let them keep circling.  It means they’re circling around what they know.  Sooner or later they’ll give you what you want…because they don’t know how to talk about anything else.

SKARR:  Skarr know what orcs want.

GARONA:  And this one, he wants to tell us.

GARROSH:  The what you say?

SKARR:  DIE!  FLAME AND SHADOW!

GARONA:  Have you ever had a conversation with someone where they kept steering it back to the same topics over and over?

GARROSH:  I’ve…had the experience.

GARONA:  It’s the same idea.

SKARR:  Skarr knew you come, he knew…

GARONA:  They keep coming back to the things they want to talk about.  And especially this one…I bet he’s dying to let it out.  Aren’t you, Skarr?

SKARR:  Burn and drown and crush and suffocate!  HAHAH!

GARROSH:  Fuck, how did THIS guy get put on a job like this?

GARONA:  Mmhmm, exactly.

GARROSH:  Huh?

GARONA:  He’s probably never been trusted with something this important before.  Have you, Skarr?  Just another ogre, a good enough fighter probably, but really nothing special.  But then the Twilight’s Hammer comes along…

SKARR:  They need Skarr!  Skarr knows, Skarr sees…since the Maul…

GARONA:  You were there when Cho’gall came to the Maul, weren’t you?  Had his gathering with the Gordunni…

SKARR:  Skarr look into it…look into nothing, nothing, Skarr know then, Skarr know, nothing all the way down…

Garona steps closer to Skarr, watching his face.

GARONA:  He saw something in you, didn’t he?  Cho’gall.  Ogre to ogre.  And he trusted you.

SKARR:  All the way down…

GARONA:  It must have been a good feeling.

GARROSH:  You’re not going to start getting all touchy-feely now, are you?

GARONA:  You must have been so…proud.

GARROSH:  Because really, it’s not a good look for you.

SKARR:  Cho’gall trust Skarr.  Cho’gall give Skarr.  Give Skarr vision, give Skarr the truth, give Skarr, give Skarr purpose

GARONA:  Gave you the phylactery.  And a mission to keep it safe, is that it?

Skarr falls silent.

GARROSH:  I don’t get why THIS guy would be the caretaker of something that important, though.

GARONA:  Have you SEEN the other ogres?

GARROSH:  Yeah, none of them are exactly geniuses, but still, I’m not seeing what’s so different about this one.

SKARR:  Skarr BELIEVE.

GARROSH:  You believe.  Believe what?

GARONA:  Don’t you get it?  Everything.  The whole hopeless crusade… You were the only one who really GOT it, weren’t you, Skarr?

SKARR:  Others say.  Others pretend.  Or tell Cho’gall what they think he want, not listening, never listening, silly brothers, never listen, never seeing, lost in the forest, blind for the trees, fight over ashes in house aflame, fire and shadow, burn and crush and drown—

GARROSH:  Fighting in a burning house…

GARONA:  The others wanted to get on Cho’gall’s good side as a means to an end – power, riches, rewards.  But see?  Those are all…well…things of this world.  As long as there are still things left in the world that you want, then you still haven’t really given up.

GARROSH:  <nodding>  He was the only one in the burning house going “Fuck it, let it burn…”

SKARR:  Skarr look into nothing and nothing look back…nothing see nothing, nothing see itself, mirrors in mirrors and circles and circles, round and round into nothing…and it was good…

GARONA:  Cho’gall wanted to see who had given up.

SKARR:  Nothing, nothing, all the way down…

GARROSH:  Okay… So I get it, Skarr.  The other ogres, yeah, they were busy focusing on what would be in it for them if the Twilights won, and that’s fine for the battleground fodder, right?  For your garden variety foot soldiers, you don’t care if they’re just in it for the paycheck…but for the inner circle, you want the people who are all-in, is that it?

SKARR:  Cho’gall notice Skarr.  Cho’gall remember.  Keep in mind, keep in mind…

GARROSH:  So when the time came for him to hide the phylactery away, you were the one he went to.

GARONA:  The one who was worthy.

GARROSH:  So fine.  You’re the chosen one.  Kudos to you, nice job on the hopeless despair, real feather in your cap there.  So what happened to it?  If you’re the keeper of this big-fucking-deal trust, what are you doing hiding in a broken-down gnoll village?

SKARR:  Stampede the Maul…clatter of hoofs, rattle of swords…

GARROSH:  The Grimtotem.

GARONA:  It adds up.  He was up in Dire Maul at some point, and that’s where the Grimtotem started hitting more of late.  It makes sense he would head south to make sure they didn’t find what they were after.

GARROSH:  So he high-tailed it down to the Lower Wilds with the phylactery, and…wait a minute.  If the Twilights already HAD the damn thing, what’s this whole big production been about?  Why have those cultists running around hitting the ogre hot spots like they were looking for something when they already knew where it was?

GARONA:  Why are you having our people in Dustwallow carry on like the ogres there might still be holding the phylactery?

GARROSH:  I…ah.

GARONA:  It’s just a way to keep the Grimtotem busy looking for it, keep them one move behind…

SKARR:  <chuckling madly>  Chasing their tails, chasing their tails, silly stupid cows…

GARROSH:  Just a big misdirect.

GARONA:  Mmhmm.

GARROSH:  Should I be worried that this cult and I seem to think so much alike?

GARONA:  No comment.

GARROSH:  Well hang on again, wasn’t the whole point with the Grimtotem that they were trying to find this thing BEFORE the Twilights?  How did they even get started on a race to fins something that wasn’t lost?

GARONA:  Who knows where the Grimtotem were getting their information?  Or exactly how they were putting the details together?  Look at it – they could have learned somehow that the Twilight’s Hammer needs the phylactery to bring back Cho’gall.  Which they do.  And that it’s somewhere among the ogres.  Which is was.  Beyond that, who knows?  There’s a million ways they could have gotten the details twisted around, mistaken it being hidden for being lost…

GARROSH:  So where is it now?

Garrosh and Garona both turn to Skarr.

WHERE.  IS IT.  NOW?

SKARR:  <chuckles>  Safe.

GARROSH:  Well it sure as hell isn’t in that camp you were staying at, I know that much.  We turned the place upside down after we got your fat ass under wraps.

SKARR:  Not matter, not matter, what you do with Skarr not matter, Skarr do his job, Skarr… What happen now…not in Skarr’s hands.

GARONA:  They have it.

GARROSH:  Is that it, you big ball of crazy?  You finished your end of the job keeping it safe, and you handed it off to the cult?  Pass it along then stay behind to make sure it looks like there’s still a search on while everybody else spins their wheels?

SKARR:  Tick, tock, tick—

GARROSH:  <pummel>

SKARR:  <silenced>

GARROSH:  KNOCK IT OFF with the idiot tick-tock bullshit.

SKARR:  Sliding sands through the glass, through the hourglass, slipping away…

GARROSH:  And that goes for whatever other time-passing metaphors you’ve got up your sleeve!

SKARR:  Sands passing, sands sliding, slipping, sifting, sifting, shifting sands, shifting, sifting, si—

GARROSH:  So help me, ogre—

GARONA:  Wait, wait, I think I get it.

GARROSH:  Oh.  Yeah.  Of course.  Why didn’t I realize you could speak fluent crazy?

GARONA:  I’m SERIOUS.  The sands.  It’s not a random time metaphor there just to taunt you.

GARROSH:  What then?

GARONA:  And by the way, since when is “metaphor” a part of your vocabulary, anyway?

GARROSH:  Keeping on track, please?

GARONA:  Well I’m just saying, metaphorsYou?

GARROSH:  Why do people keep talking like I’m some kind of illiterate moron?  I DO write poetry on the side—

GARONA:  You doPoetry?

GARROSH:  —so you’ll EXCUSE me if I actually managed to pick up a literary device here and there, okay?

GARONA:  Do you write a lot of poetry?

GARROSH:  Can you PLEASE stay focused?  The sand thing isn’t a metaphor, fine, and yes I know what the fuck a metaphor is, stop the presses, big fucking deal, so what IS it?  And so help me, if you get smart as say it’s a simile—

GARONA:  Is that the one with “like” or “as”?

GARROSH:  Really not the point.

GARONA:  I’m just wondering, I always get those mixed up.  Metaphors are the ones without “like” or “as,” right?  And similes are with “like” or “as”?

GARROSH:  Oh for fuck’s sake.  YES, fine, similes use “like” or “as”, are you happy now?  HERE, just to illustrate the fucking point: “I would really LIKE to get out of this conversation AS soon AS possible,” can we fucking move on please?

GARONA:  That really doesn’t sound like a simile.

GARROSH:  <rubbing head>  You were actually doing pretty okay today, you really were.

SKARR:  Circling, circling, round and round, endless wailing, endless darkness, darkness dying souls…

GARROSH:  Right there with you, Skarr.

GARONA:  And what’s that supposed to mean?

GARROSH:  How about we focus on what something ELSE is supposed to mean, like say, I don’t know, the fucking thing about the sands which apparently aren’t going through the hourglass, and…oh fuck, wait, is it the Caverns of Time?  Sands of the hourglass sounds like of Nozdormu-y, is that it?

GARONA:  I just said it wasn’t a metaphor.

GARROSH:  Well technically, that would be pretty literal, not a metaphor.

GARONA:  How would that be literal?

GARROSH:  Um, he was referring to sands passing through an hourglass, and that’s time, and those are the Caverns of Time, where all kinds of timey whimey stuff goes down – I’m not sure how much more literal you can get than that.

GARONA:  Yes, I get the connection, but an hourglass is still a metaphor for time in that context, isn’t it?

GARROSH:  If you really want to split hairs, I suppose, but it’s more kind of a dead metaphor.

GARONA:  A dead metaphor?

GARROSH:  You heard me.

GARONA:  What the hell is that?  I think you’re making this stuff up now.

GARROSH:  I’m not making anything up, it just so happens I’ve read a fucking book or two in my life, is there a problem with that?

GARONA:  And besides, why would they send the phylactery to the Caverns of Time?  How does that make any sense at all?  The place is crawling with bronze dragons who are on our side.

GARROSH:  Well then what’s YOUR answer, little Miss Brainstorm?

GARONA:  Although I suppose it’s not that big of a stretch, since there’s also that whole thing about sand, and there is a lot of sand in Tanaris, and in a roundabout way that’s kind of—

SKARR:  It’s Silithus!  For N’Zoth’s sake, it’s fucking SILITHUS!  FUCK!  Twilight agents picked up the phylactery, and they’re delivering it to SILITHUS, okay?  Can you just SHUT UP now?!

GARONA:  See!  SEE?!  I knew it!  I KNEW it was Silithus!

GARROSH:  I think you’re really overlooking the most illuminating part of that little outburst.

GARONA:  Because, you see, the Twilight’s Hammer has always had a presence there, and then there’s the reference to “shifting sands”…

GARROSH:  No, really, you want to step back and look at the bigger picture here.

SKARR:  In order to carry out the resurrection, they need the residual energies from C’thun’s chamber in Ahn’Qiraj to focus the spell.  It’s where Cho’gall tried to restore C’thun to this world, and the place is attuned to his spirit as a result…

GARONA:  And see, even the words he was using – shifting, sliding, slipping, sifting, Silithus!

GARROSH:  Right, it’s Silithus, we get it.

GARONA:  I’m just saying, it’s exactly what I thought it was!

GARROSH:  Yeah, good for you, that’s great.

GARONA:  I could have told you, too, if you’d have let me get a word in edgewise.

GARROSH:  I…what?

GARONA:  Instead of going on about what a big literary expert you’re supposed to be.

GARROSH:  I never said I was—

GARONA:  You’ll notice who actually managed to read between the lines and figure out what was going on here, though.

GARROSH:  I SAID good job.

GARONA:  Yes, but there was a tone.

GARROSH:  There was not a tone.

GARONA:  I picked up a tone.

GARROSH:  I think I would know if I had a tone!

GARONA:  Because you’re such an unparalleled master of language, is that it?

GARROSH:  For fuck’s sake, here we go again.

GARONA:  I need to see this poetry of yours, by the way.

SKARR:  Is she always like this?

 

After this point I was heading back to Orgrimmar for Winter’s Veil stuff, which came in handy since it let me put a little distance between me and Garona, who let me tell you, dialed it up to eleven after the way things finished up with Skarr.  Meanwhile she’s gone ahead to Silithus to start chasing down the Twilights.  I’ll be heading down soon myself.  With any luck we can make some quick progress before the Twilights piece together that something is up.

Mortimer vs. the Razza

Posted in EPIC VERSE with tags , , , , , , , , , , on December 21, 2011 by Garrosh Hellscream

Since I kind of promised to fill in the details yesterday of Mortimer’s role in my showdown with Skarr, I figured I’d take a minute today to do that.  And considering what a kickass job Mortimer did of it, too, I figure there’s only one appropriate form…

 

Skarr went off to Feralas on a mission for the cult,
With the hope an ogre relic could raise Cho’gall as result,
And he made his camp in secret while his agents ranged afield,
And he waited there to reap the gains their search would surely yield.

His mission was a secret, details shared with precious few;
Even where he’d made his base was known by only one or two.
So when they went to see him, hardly had they neared his lair
When their path was intercepted by the Razza in the air.

Its wingspan was enormous, dozen yards across at least,
And one hardly could imagine how Skarr’d tamed the vicious beast;
But he somehow bent its will to his, this hunter sans compare,
And the Lower Wilds were now watched by the Razza from the air.

He’d lived there long amid the Wilds and Dire Maul and therein,
And his terror was the stuff of tales told by the Woodpaw kin,
For when the primitives would hunt, they’d fear not wolf or bear,
But they’d tread in dread that they might see the Razza in the air.

So now when Skarr set up his camp, he’d have the Razza spy
Down upon all those who dared come near from vantage of the sky;
And any who approached the camp was spotted unaware,
Then swoop and clutch, away were swept by Razza in the air.

And so when Garrosh found him and descended from the cliff,
Skarr engaged the orc in battle with an air of “Yeah, as if.”
For he knew he needed only hold his ground and keep it close,
Till the Razza could arrive, and then it would be adios.

Skarr held his own as best he could, and scored a hit or two,
When in the skies his eyes did spy vast wings of white and blue;
And Garrosh knew the day was his, until to his chagrin
He found a wild chimaera clawing wildly at his skin.

The Razza swooped in close to strike, and spewed blue fiery breath,
And let aloose a fiendish shriek from both its beastly heads.
And Garrosh felt the blue flames as he took another hit,
And they didn’t hurt, but it was hard to see through all that shit.

Now Skarr attacked reenergized and pressed the battle on,
And Garrosh ceded ground while he kept being flamed upon.
When suddenly there came a growl—Skarr scarcely realized where—
As wyvern talons tore into the Razza in the air.

Blue wings were met with brown as they raced in as if a blur,
And Garrosh yelled victoriously, “Go get ’im, Mortimer!”
He didn’t need to tell him twice: of wyvern wrath beware!
And Mortimer let loose upon the Razza in the air.

His biting was a frenzy and his slashing claws were fluid,
For “The Razza” say the Woodpaw, but “Mortimer” quoth the druid;
Another slash with furious claws, another vicious tear;
And blood was on the ground beneath the Razza in the air.

A blue-white wing was torn to shreds, a horn shattered like glass;
The Razza wailed as Mortimer was handing him his ass.
He yanked him back and clawed him deep, and clutched him from behind
And clawed at one of his two heads till it was rendered blind.

The desperate Razza spun around and flung Mortimer wide,
The wyvern crashing awkwardly into the mountainside;
He sprawled in pain on aching back, his upper hand upstaged,
And the Razza saw its final chance, and dove in feral rage.

The chimaera shrieked murd’rously and fell upon its prey,
While Mortimer grasped panicked for the one that got away.
A slashing, tearing pair of claws, and fangs fresh-drenched with blood,
Then a horrifying wail, followed by a lifeless thud.

Now somewhere in Feralas, Twilight cultists gloat and preen,
While the Grimtotem and ogres share the tales of what they’ve seen.
But the hunter is the hunted, predator is prey instead,
And there is no joy for Skarr, son, ’cause the Razza’s fucking dead.

 

EPIC VERSE!

Better luck next time, irony

Posted in General with tags , , , , , , , , , on December 20, 2011 by Garrosh Hellscream

Okay, so maybe backup isn’t such a bad idea.  That was big ol’ pain in the ass.

So I climbed down the mountain a ways and watched the gnoll camp for more signs of Skarr.  At this point he was pretty visible, so I climbed down a little more, jumped off from a ledge, and then pulled one of my favorite moves EVAR – the cannonball mid-air falling CHARGE!  Jump, falling, whoosh, WHAM right up in your face, and stunned to boot (probably in more ways than one)!  Only pro warriors need apply.

And so, I don’t know why this would surprise me, but turns out, yeah, Skarr is about as batshit crazy as all the other Twilight people we’ve come across.  As in, FUCKING COMPLETELY.  The whole time I was fighting him he kept ranting and raving, and referring to himself in the third person – “Skarr” this, “Skarr” that – and so yeah, that settled the question of whether this was the right ogre, in case there ever was one.  (And okay, let’s be fair, I guess it’s POSSIBLE he might not have been, and hoo boy, if it turned out he wasn’t, and I had charged and slammed him anyway, would my face have been red.)  (No, wait, it wouldn’t.  EXCEPT FROM THE BLOOD.)  Anyway, he kept yammering on while we got to fighting, word salad half the time.  We hacked away at each other, and he was hanging in there but really not posing much of a threat, when who should show up but the damn giant chimaera again.  Swooped on in and starting breathing this freakish blue fire at me.  Which really only sort of tickled a little, but it was annoying as hell.

Thing is, though, even that didn’t last too long.  Because, you see, as it happens, Skarr wasn’t the only one with friends flying around the area, and, well, let me just put it this way:

Wyvern > Chimaera.

(Seriously, you should have seen Mortimer go to town on that thing.  As a matter of fact, remind me to go into more detail about it later.  You’ll thank me.)

So, it was back to me and Skarr, which being as it was a one-on-one fight now, really kind of left the fucking ogre outnumbered basically.  I had him backed up to one of the ratty tents and was pretty obviously wearing him down, and at that point it was just a question of how to beat him without actually killing him, when all of a sudden I started feeling kind of weak in the legs.  I stumbled a little, got my balance back, then went back to swinging at him…only my arms were feeling weaker now too.  I damn near missed a parry on that huge fucking axe of his – and I NEVER have close calls like that.  A couple more inches and he would have gotten my head.  As I was pushing his axe back again – taking more effort that I should have needed, mind you – it hit me: the blade was poisoned.  He hadn’t gotten a good hit on me the whole fight, but there had been a few glancing blows, just minor cuts really…but that would have been enough for the poison to take hold.

I took a second to reset my footing again, and you could tell he’d noticed I was off my game now, and he started pressing back more, and pushing me toward the hillside.  I was still holding my own at this point, but it was taking more and more effort, and I could feel the poison kicking in and weakening me more.  And I have to admit, as much as I know you have to stay focused in combat, I couldn’t help thinking how familiar it was.

So this is what it’s like to be on the other end of it.

Maybe I’ve had this coming.  Maybe this is what balances the scales.

And right when I’m about ready to come out on the losing end of this one, cause of death: poetic justice, Skarr suddenly seizes up, locked in place with his head jerking up, then a second later splats down onto the ground unconscious, with Garona standing there behind him looking all proud of herself.  Rogues and their sap-stun-kidney-shot-gouge-cheap-shot bullshit.  Well, hey, I fucking wore him down for her first, so, you know.

We’ve just finished carrying him back to Stonemaul Hold.  (And thank the spirits for that camel – that ogre was one HEAVY motherfucker.)  We’ve got him detained in the main cave there, and we’ll be questioning him as soon as he comes to, and the camp apothecary hooks me up with a poultice to take care of the damn poison.  Based on the word salad he was spouting out before, this should be interesting.

Hunting Skarr

Posted in General with tags , , , , , , , , , , on December 19, 2011 by Garrosh Hellscream

Since I’m going to be out in the field on ogre duty the next couple days, I won’t be doing a mailbag today.  Don’t worry, keep those e-mails coming, we’ll have one soon for sure.  Meanwhile…

Garona and I split up on our way out of the Steam Pools resort.  She disappeared off into the woods heading back into Feralas, and I took off by air with Mortimer.  (For those of you keeping score, I had Mokvar go ahead to Stonemaul Hold to wait for us.)

It took a little circling around the Lower Wilds, but I ended up spotting the abandoned gnoll camp that the Twilights were talking about.  There were a few tattered tents left standing among the hills, and a campfire tucked away in one corner under cover of trees and rocks, so it wasn’t letting off a lot of smoke that would be easily visible.  On a couple passes I thought I could see some movement, but I tried not to get so close that I’d be noticed.  Not yet, anyway.  I wanted to get as good a look as I could at what we were going to be up against first.

On one circle around, I spotted some red and purple poking out from the foliage.  No shock – a couple Twilight cultists, coming in from the northwest.  Couldn’t get that good a look at them from the altitude I was at, but I could swear they were a dwarf and a troll, so they could have been the two that got away from me back at Isildien.  Turns out it was a good thing I was keeping a good distance – after they were wandering through the woods some, all of a sudden there was this piercing shriek, and an enormous blue and white chimaera swooped in out of nowhere, grabbed the two Twilights up one in each talon, and flew off.

I followed the chimaera at a distance while it flew – you guessed it – back to the gnoll camp.  This time, there wasn’t any question about whether someone was home.  A pretty good-sized ogre in warlord’s armor was waiting at the edge of the camp.  Place your bets among yourselves as to whether that would be Skarr.  (Pro tip: Don’t bet your Vial of the Sands money that he’s not.)  The chimaera flew in, dropped the two Twilights in front of the ogre, then hovered there nearby.  I’m not positive but I think I even saw the ogre pat it on the head.  From what I could see, it looked like the ogre and the Twilights were talking back and forth some, and then the ogre looked much more animated like something was upsetting him…then broke into this big laugh.  The cultists meanwhile started seeming more jittery, and then broke out screaming about something just as Skarr waved his arm around in the air and walked away, and next thing you knew the chimaera was back on the cultists, grabbing them up again and flying off with them, screaming all the way, clear as day now.

So, again, some of these ogres really know how to get shit done.

I’ve just landed on the mountainside overlooking the camp, and I’m using Spazzle’s why-fly gizmo to make this post while I get set to pay our ogre friend a visit.  No sign of Garona, but hey, since when do I need backup, right?

More soon.

 

 

[Header image provided by Angelya from Revive and Rejuvenate, used here with permission and many thanks.]

The story so far

Posted in EPIC VERSE, General with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 18, 2011 by Garrosh Hellscream

I don’t know what’s wrong with you people.  Everybody seemed overjoyed to see the kind of bullshit agony I had to endure the other day with Garona and Johnny Awesome and all the rest of it.  Fuck, if I didn’t know better, I’d think maybe you people didn’t love your Warchief!

Anyway, Garona and I are getting ready to head off to go looking for that ogre Skarr, but while I’m getting squared away here at the inn, I thought I’d take care of some blog stuff.  For one, I know the last couple days I’ve been getting a batch of new readers, between the Twitter feed and getting links passed around, so I figured it might be a good idea to try to catch up any newcomers to the blog.

First of all, if you ARE new, welcome!  Lok’tar!  Good to have you here.  Unless you’re Alliance.  In which case, DAMN YOU TO THE NETHER, FUCKERS.  But meh, keep reading.  What the hell.

Second, Spazzle recently added an About page to the blog, with some general info and background type stuff for anyone new.  I know he usually tries to be good about setting up my posts with links to older ones that are relevant for background, but y’know, he’s just a goblin, so I’m sure he misses some stuff here and there.  Also along those lines, I figured this might be a good time to step back and run through what’s been going on for our many new readers, seeing as this ogre business has been unfolding for a while:

A few weeks back, Grimtotem raiders in Dustwallow Marsh and Feralas started attacking ogres.  I could care less about the Gordunni ogres, mind you, but it was a much bigger deal that they were also hitting the Stonemaul ogres too, who have been allied with the Horde for a while.

I sent Dontrag and Utvoch to Brackenwall Village to help Krog with his investigation.  Using some…um…pro bait-and-trapping, the bunch of them were able to capture a Grimtotem raider, and interrogated him with help from me and the ogre seer Draz’Zilb.  Wait, what am I talking about, “with help from”?  They hardly did a damn thing during the interrogation.  It was pretty much all me and Draz’Zilb.

Anyway, Draz’Zilb used some FUCKING SCARY-ASS voodoo mojo shit on the Grimtotem, and we got the story.  The Grimtotem discovered that the Twilight’s Hammer want to use an ogre relic to resurrect Cho’gall.  Apparently, while he was holding a gathering of ogres in Feralas a few months back, Cho’gall imbued a phylactery with his spirit (or part of it, or whatever…don’t ask me how this raise-the-dead stuff works…personally I’m getting sick of all the “Bastion of Twilight was just a setback” bullshit already).  Now the Twilights are trying to find the phylactery, and the Grimtotem are trying to beat them to it.  According to the prisoner, they believe if they find it first, they can cut some kind of deal with the Twilights to regain their lost holdings.

The Twilight’s Hammer believe one of the ogre clans in Feralas or Dustwallow have the phylactery, so the Grimtotem have been raiding the Gordunni and Stonemaul ogres to try to track it down.  High-ranking members of the tribe have been sent to both areas to coordinate, but if you ask me this whole plan has Magatha written all over it.

We know the Stonemaul ogres don’t have the phylactery, but we’re letting the Grimtotem keep thinking they might so they keep their attention divided.  Meanwhile, I recalled Garona Halforcen from Twilight Highlands, and she and I headed out to Feralas to investigate.  I found got some information from a Twilight’s Hammer cultist in the southern ogre camps, and Garona confirmed the story from a Twilight run-in of her own up at Dire Maul: the main Twilight contact in the area is an ogre named Skarr, who’s taken up hiding somewhere in the Lower Wilds.

Garona and I met up at the Steam Pools to compare notes and plan our next step.  We also met this blood elf named Johnny Awesome while we were there, which was good for comic relief, if by “comic relief” you mean “makes you want to stick a sharp stick through your eye, into your brain, and swirl it around.”  Now we’re about to split up to go after Skarr.  With any luck we can find him and get more pieces to fall into place.

So…that’s where we stand now.  Next time you hear from me, odds are I’ll be out in the Feralas wilds somewhere trying to track down Skarr.  In the meantime, a little nugget to hold everyone over:

 

There once was a blood elf named Johnny,
Who thought himself ever so bonny.
To get him off my hands
I sent him to Ghostlands
Where he could annoy the Amani.

 

EPIC VERSE!

Updates soon.  Stay tuned.

 

 

[Header image provided by Rioriel from Postcards From Azeroth, reproduced here with permission and many thanks.  Click here to see the souped-up Postcard version!]