Archive for cho’gall

More verbal sparring, of a feline nature

Posted in EPIC VERSE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 17, 2015 by Garrosh Hellscream








Help me out here, princess, ’cause I need some guidance,
For how an A-lister drew a fan-fic contrivance.
From the Horde to Alliance, they all know my defiance;
But your own dad didn’t even know you’re alive, and
Now you’re eye candy loading up a shopping bag,
But you couldn’t be the it girl in a game of tag.
So Garona’s answer when they ask what no-name she wrecked:
Half broken, half outcast makes one whole reject.


You can stealth, but your crazy never strikes without warning,
’Cause we all know you’re more maintenance than a Tuesday morning.
We’re both draenei and orc, but one thing can perplex me:
How’d you get the “deformed” while I got all the sexy?
Now I know that you’re jealous, but the green’s still okay –
But don’t you think you’re kind of old to rock those pigtails in gray?
You must have a goblin stylist, ’cause your look’s straight Ratchet;
Every pass you made at Garry, he declined to catch it.
Now my mom’s another story, but don’t be mad at me;
’Cause all the hashtag-LadiesLoveMyD-A-D.
So wake up and smell the kafa, ’cause it’s understood,
You’re getting creamed, sugar; I make half-and-half look good.


Go back to school, daddy’s girl, you’ve still got plenty to learn;
You need to spec out of frost, based on the heat of those burns.
Looking good’s all you’ve got – no tales or triumphs in stock;
You’d best walk a few steps before you try to talk.
’Cause as much as you squawk, it’s no position to mock
When your achievement panel hasn’t even been unlocked.
My accomplishments are legend, my prowess proclaimed;
No one outside of blog nerds even knows of your name.
I’ve fought in two wars, traveled dimensional warps;
The best that you can do is beating on a dead corpse.
I was Emissary to the Guardian of Karazhan;
You’re a mage who couldn’t cut it in Dalaran.


You’ve got history, granny, but let’s look at the tale,
Because a blank slate’s still better than a chalkboard of fail:
You turned on King Llane, brought Medivh to his end –
Too bad you can’t kill these rhymes the way you kill all your friends.
Gul’dan’s lackey, Cho’gall’s tool – just the record, not opinion;
Even at your most legendary, you’re someone’s minion.
So keep grinding out your legend, Ronie, I won’t linger,
’Cause my ring’s the Warchief I’ve got wrapped around my finger.








Posted in Transcripts with tags , , , , , , , on November 3, 2012 by Garrosh Hellscream

The Karazhan Opera House curtain rises.  As a drum beat begins, Garona dances at center stage, surrounded by Gul’dan, Medivh, and Cho’gall.




Oh my little stabby one, stabby one,
Come along and look in my eye’s corona.
Now my binding spell is spun, won’t be undone:
Fight it if you want, but you’re mine, Garona.
Never going free,
Barely sane,

Such an angry mind,
You’re gonna kill King Llane,

Take the blame,
Just as I designed –

You’re my, my, my-y-y, woo!
M-m-m-my Garona!


Come on down to Karazhan, for Gul’dan;
Soon you’ll have your Emissary persona.
While Sargeras pulls my strings, plotting things,
Something in you draws you to me, Garona.
Never holding back,
Love takes wing,

Fight it if you can;
You always had a thing

For a fling
With an older man –

You’re my, my, my-y-y, woo!
M-m-m-my Garona!
M-m-m-my Garona!


When you gonna come at me?  Let me see.
Stop your hiding out by that ghost Karoma.
Twilight Bastion destiny, better flee.
If you get too close then you’re toast, Garona.
Sneaking up the hills,
Fight and scrap,

Take the bait, go on;
You’re yelling “Holy crap!

It’s a trap!
Gotta fight a gronn –

My, my, my-y-y, woo!
M-m-m-my, my, my-y-y, woo!
M-m-m-my Garona!
M-m-m-my Garona!
M-m-m-my Garona!
M-m-m-my Garona!


Ohhh, my Garona!
Ohhh, my Garona!
Ohhh, my Garona!

The audience bursts into applause; Garona, beaming, steps forward and opens her mouth as if to speak or sing.  The curtain closes in front of her.

Monday mailbag

Posted in Mailbag with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 5, 2012 by Garrosh Hellscream


We’ve got a bunch of letters today, and there’s a definite Earth Online theme going on this week.  So let’s get right to them…


Hail, Warchief!

This “Decision 2012” world event in EO is starting to look pretty interesting. And it looks like it’s pretty easy to participate, despite what some of the guides tell you.

It looks like the basic layout goes like this: right about now, you have local zone-wide events to pick “delegates” to a “convention”, to select a faction leader to contend for the office of “President”, which is the EO version of Warchief. Actually contending for faction leader sounds like an immense pain in the rear, but participation at the zone level isn’t all that hard. There’s a kind of back door in that the devs may not know about yet.

Now, the strategy guides will tell you that if you want to participate, you need to max out your “Politics” secondary skill, and grind rep with one of the factions. If you don’t have time for that, what you can do is look for a sub-zone with a ridiculously unbalanced faction population. Like, for instance, the “Texas” sub-zone, although I’ve heard that parts of “California” or “New York” will do just as well. Anyway, on your sub-zone’s scheduled day for the local event, you just show up at 7PM server time for the “Precinct Caucus” raid. Queue for the low-pop faction. And … you might be the only one to show up. Which means, you’ll be rocking a “Precinct Chairman” title for the rest of the world event. And, you’re guaranteed a slot at the “Senate District Convention” raid, which happens about a month later.

Beyond that, I’m not sure how it works. I’ve never been to a “State Convention” raid, or the “National Convention” either. Maybe I’ll make it that far this time around. It’ll be a few months before I know, though. I’d planned on making the “Precinct Convention” raid next week, but my sub-zone is having trouble applying the most recent “Redistricting” patch, which has thrown a wrench into things.

Still, it should be fun.

— A Concerned Citizen

It IS kind of cool how they’ve set this up, ACC, with the contenders for faction leader all squaring off with the server-wide push to gather resources to eliminate some of them before the big final match-up.  Right now on my server it looks like there are a LOT of people running around crafting the Negative Ads needed to wear down the contending mini-bosses, although I kind of have to wonder if that ends up weakening whoever comes out in the end if it’s not a runaway victory.  Then again I guess there are the Fundraising dailies, where some of the Negative Ad debuff can be offset by pouring money into somebody’s campaign fund.  (And I thought the Shattered Sun Offensive were bad about asking for handouts – at least THEY gave you their “of the Shattered Sun” name tag for your troubles.)

Here’s the part I’m not too clear on, though – between these “primaries” and then the bigger “general election,” is every individual server going to have a different outcome as far as who the Warchief is going to be?  Because it would be kind of weird story-wise if they don’t have one consistent leader across the whole game…but if it’s going to be standardized and preset, it kind of defeats the purpose of all these world events where it makes it seem like you get to have an effect on who ends up in charge.

Anyway, at least they’re having a world event like this to account for a possible change in leadership.  It would kind of suck if you just logged on one day and the old leader was gone and the new leader was in place and the whole damn world had just gone topsy-turvy overnight.


Riiiiiiight…  You totally disappeared because you were kidnapped and used in a bloodletting ceremony to have the spirit of Cho’gall take over your body.  And also you’re Garrosh, warchief of the Horde.  You seriously expect me to believe this shit?

First of all, as far as your “blog” being “proof” of your claims, do you not realize this is the internet?  Anyone could start up a blog and pretend they were anybody.  Oh look, I’m going to start up a blog as Elune, because I’m totally a beautiful night elf goddess!  In the moooooooon!

Secondly, there’s no way Garrosh is smart enough to be able to string four words together, never mind learn touch typing and a complicated rotation in a video game.  He’s an orc!  Have you ever talked to one?  “Me tired.”  “Okie dokie.”  “Something need doing?”  And have you seen the size of Garrosh’s head?  His brain must be half the size of a normal orc’s.

Thirdly, if you were Garrosh, which you are not, that ALONE would justify me booting your ass from the guild!  Why would I ally myself with the most barbaric, disgusting, hated enemy of the Alliance?  Actually, I fucking hope you ARE Garrosh so that every time I see you I can camp your corpse for ten hours to remind you who the fuck owns Azeroth.  (Hint: It’s not the invading orc scum.)

And finally, I’m not even going to click your link.  Do you think I’m an idiot?  I don’t want any viruses or creepy porn pop-ups.

Don’t contact me again or I’ll report you for harassment.

–Manageurdeath, Guild Leader, <West Coast Avengers>

Oh this guy really really really wants this to end badly, doesn’t he?

I was in a bad enough mood about this asshat kicking me from his lame-ass guild before he turned out to be some fucking Alliance out in Theramore.  And before he decided to go all personal.  And racist, did I mention racist?  Goddamn fucking human.

So ANYWAY, Manageurdeath – or should I say Brant Jasperbloom, herbalism trainer who I’m guessing fell back into that line of work after months of bringing Jaina flowers didn’t get him anywhere even though she’s JAINA, because I guess he’s just that much of a loser?  YEAH YOU GOT THAT RIGHT.  Boy it’s good thing I’m not really Garrosh, otherwise I would have a tech guy who can trace IP addresses AND an investigator based right there in Dustwallow Marsh to follow up on leads and make sure I’ve got the right guy, and he might even be a rogue to boot so he could sneak right on into town and peek in on you in person, and by the way you REALLY ought to clear out your browser history because you and I both know you sure as fuck don’t need ME to send you any creepy smut links, RIGHT?

And yeah, you go right ahead and report me for harassment – when I fucking BURN THERAMORE TO THE GROUND.  Just you watch, Jasper, it’s coming sooner than you think.

Fucking hell I hate guild leaders.


Hahahahaha!  You actually named your toon “Omgipwnedurface”?  I thought that was a joke!  XD

–Garona Halforcen.

PS: You should really move those two points from Overtime into Tenure.  And your best secondary stat is Funding because then you won’t have to worry about going oom (out of money) and will be able to use upgraded versions of your lessons more often.  So drop some Charisma and stack Funding — your throughput will go through the roof!  Don’t you ever read the Self-Righteous Pricks forum?

Yeah, yeah, that’s my toon.  One of them, anyway.  I’ve also been playing around with a veterinarian alt a little.

And since when did YOU turn into the be-all expert on every other class?  Come to think of it, Garona, what do YOU even play in the first place?  Anyway, this shows how much you know – you’ve got your specs mixed up.  The Funding secondary only does you any good if you’re speccing deep into the Sciences tree and get a Reseach Grant set bonus.  Otherwise it’s just wasted points, because frankly if you’re going with more of a “Liberal Arts” setup for your Pedagogy aura, you’re going to be going OOM all the time no matter what.  The 5% buff to your money doesn’t do much good when it’s a 5% buff on next to nothing in the first place.  Why do you think we have to spend so much time farming tuna fish in the supermarket zones?


Decided i needed to go on a trip , somewhere im not going to be seen. Youve got a big list of alliance you want to see dead so i thought it was a bad idea to muddy up your head with the reason why and just let you know that it isnt important. Its important that ive had alot of time to myself to think though. Its why ive had time to catch up with some questions that have been swimming arround in my own head, problem was they were probably questions you get every week, how come your so great, How do you manage to keep inspiring the level of awe you are now and your thoughts on how to deal with a person using teeny-tiny harmless little words that might  have been misunderstood to mean that they wanted someone else to be warchief, that sort of thing.

But then I read this weeks mailbag and thought that since Sylvanas had hacked your admin id see if i could ask her something before your goblin locked her out.

So here’s the question,which im going to try to word very carefully, if youve got those winged scourge things flying arround making more forsaken why arent any of their vrykul or vargul fighting for the horde too? I thought we could have been allys if they didnt like eating our hearts or painting their faces with our blood so much but since you look like everything these guys look up to and even have their judges arround to..judge them.

–Notzenke, Who is not hiding in the vault of archevon.

Okay, first of all, somebody needs to get Notzenke here a proofreader, like, yesterday.

Second of all, though, this is kind of a good point.  With the Lich King dead, that should free up a whole lot of Scourge up in Northrend – how did Sylvanas put it that time?  “Found themselves unemployed”?  And say what you want about Sylvanas, but she’s definitely got enough charisma to get those stray Scourge onto our side.  Obviously it worked out with the val’kyr, so I don’t know why she couldn’t do the same thing with the vargul or for that matter even all the zombies and geists and abominations.  The funny thing is, it’s not even like all those Scourge have been running around loose since the Lich King’s been dead.  I don’t know if they just don’t know what to do with themselves now, or if there’s something else going on, but you would think they’d be primed for somebody like Sylvanas to come along and snap them up.

Third, proofreader.  Seriously.  There were parts of that letter where I was like “Is this a paragraph or did he just shake his dictionary over his keyboard really hard and these are the words that fell out?”

More importantly, though, Sylvanas is not still poking around the blog.  I had Spazzle crack down on blog security so everything is under lock again.  Problem solved.


Lady Sylvanas,

Are you reading the Warchief’s mail too? Because, uh, that one about you and me and him in the gnomish bubble bath was, um, meant to be taken in an artistic context. As a writer to a poet.

And those “special” wands are only available to a very select clientele…


Quelama Lightblade

Yup, these are my readers…

I’m not even going to touch the bubble bath thing, seeing as those e-mails go right into the same spam folder as the links from random succubus web sites and fake letters from tolvir princes offering to pay me a fortune to help them sneak money into an account in Kalimdor and oh by the way all it will take is a small deposit up front on my part.  But really, you guys have got to calm down.  Sylvanas is not still screwing around with the blog, she’s not in my e-mail, you can all stop being so frigging paranoid.  Like I said, Spazzle has already handled that shit, so we shouldn’t be having any more trouble.  Everybody just needs to chill the fuck out and stop being a bunch of Chicken Littles.  The sky is not fucking falling, okay?


















Or so our dear Warchief would think.  Spazzle, shmazzle.  Never underestimate the power of a woman on the internet.  ~_^

Filling in the gaps

Posted in General with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 19, 2012 by Garrosh Hellscream


Okay, I was planning on writing this a lot earlier, but I ended up sleeping WAY late that first night back in Orgrimmar, which had me up late last night, and blah blah, up-late-sleeping-in domino effect.  Any of you who’ve gotten into a late-nighter groove on Earth Online know the drill.  Anyway, I’m back in Grommash Hold finally and settled in, and HOLY SHIT it’s good to be able to crash in my own bed again.

So I’m figuring you’re all probably wondering what was going on on my end of things since the last time I posted.  Saurfang and Garona have been giving me the run-down about their side, but I’m still in the process of getting caught up on what Saurfang was posting here while I was out of it.  Anyway, let me try to fill in what I can and maybe fill some gaps for you guys.

Last time you heard from me I was flying down to Alcaz Island.  When I got to the island, Dontrag and Utvoch were still just chilling at one of those naga conjuring rune circles with Skarr, and so I figured I’d gotten there in time to get a jump on things.  Before I could get my bearings, though, a gang of tauren led by Magatha Grimtotem showed up and attacked.  At the time I assumed they were Grimtotem, but from the sound of things now, they must have been Twilights and just happened to be tauren.  Probably hand-picked, actually, so they could seem like they were Grimtotem.  Maybe.  Anyhow, they attacked, and somehow or other Skarr managed to get loose not long after.  Magatha was hanging back some and I could hear her chanting something, but I was a little too focused on the couple dozen dudes I had beating on me at the time, so I wasn’t really paying too much attention to it.

What happened next is still pretty fuzzy.  All of a sudden there was a blinding flash, and I remember being thrown back a long ways.  I think I hit my head on a tree or rock as I was falling back, but before I passed out I remember seeing a lot of the other tauren and maybe D&U getting thrown around by the blast.  I don’t remember seeing Skarr from that point – I think he was the explosion.  Looking back on it based on what Saurfang’s told me, I guess he must have been walking around with some kind of explosive enchantment, and Magatha detonated him when she arrived.  So he really was a time bomb, just a lot more literal than I was figuring.

And for that matter…turns out I was right, just not for the right reasons.  I thought Skarr was the phylactery, and we’d gotten baited into a trap bringing him out in the open.  Well, we got baited into a trap, all right.  But Skarr wasn’t the phylactery.  He never was.  He was the bait.

The next several…days, I guess? I’m not sure…were a blur.  All I can remember is bits and pieces.  Being picked up and dragged around, sounds of the ocean, grunting from ogres and ettin…that sulphury smell from the incense that the Twilights always seem to have burning all over the place.  Purplish walls.  I don’t know how long I was out before I finally came around for good.  Even then I felt pretty groggy, so I’m figuring the fuckers were using some kind of magical mojo on me to keep me subdued.

When I finally came around, I was in the Bastion of Twilight.  Magatha was running the show.  Which, considering the place was obviously overrun by Twilights and not Grimtotem, didn’t make a whole lot of sense to me.  But man, was she ever proud of herself for having me under wraps.  I had a few choice words for her…okay, you know me better than that, I had a few choice paragraphs for her…but after I got the initial outrage out of my system (which granted took a while), I managed to get her monologuing.  Thank goodness for villains who can’t fight the urge to run their mouths, that’s all I’m going to say.

So come to find out, Magatha cooked up the story about the phylactery and fed it to the other Grimtotem through Arnak Grimtotem and Isha Gloomaxe, had her people running around making trouble for the ogres under the pretense of finding it, knowing that sooner or later word would get back to the Twilights and they would be all “WTF there’s no phylactery, is this bitch crazy?”  Which okay, she is, but whatever.  Arnak and Isha were the only other Grimtotem who ever knew the real story, or part of it, anyway – there was no phylactery, it was just Magatha’s way to get the Twilight’s Hammer’s attention and bait them into coming for her.  Which they did, in Thousand Needles.  And when they raided the Grimtotem and captured Magatha to interrogate her, they were really doing exactly what she wanted.

Once she was the Twilights’ “prisoner,” that put Magatha in a position to make them an offer they couldn’t refuse.  Sure, there wasn’t any phylactery, but she HAD found a way they could revive Cho’gall, and she was ready to make them a deal.  All she needed was the Doomstone, which the Twilights already had, that collection of tauren relics, which the Grimtotem already had, and a new body for Cho’gall spirit to set up shop in.

On the drawing board, that was going to be Skarr – THAT was his special duty, the job Cho’gall had in mind for him.  Somehow or other Cho’gall knew it could be possible to bring him back in a new body if need be, and had Skarr in mind to be the one, which a handful of those Gordunni ogres were aware of even if Cho’gall didn’t spread word around among the cult in general.  Who knows, maybe one of Magatha’s tribesmen in Feralas got wind of this from the ogres somehow, and that’s what got the call rolling on this idea in the first place.  Anyway…

The only thing that was missing was Magatha’s end of the deal.  I’ll give her this much, she’s no idiot, and she knew better than to trust the Twilights to hold up their end of the bargain if she went ahead and gave them Cho’gall up front.  So that was her one ace in the hole: she was the only one they knew of who could do it, and they weren’t getting any resurrection until she’d gotten her payoff.  As far as the other Grimtotem were concerned, the payoff was help in regaining power, retaking the Grimtotem’s lost territory…but in reality, Magatha knew that was a lost cause.  For now anyway.  The Grimtotem were reduced to bands of renegades, they were banished from tauren society and cast out of the Horde, they couldn’t even get the Alliance to give them the time of day…there was too much lost and too many enemies stacked against them for them to hold on very long even IF the Twilights helped them regain a foothold.  Better to let the Twilights get Cho’gall back, and let the world burn.  At least her enemies would burn with it.

But what she wanted was to be sure one enemy in particular would be the first to go down.

Remember that letter I wrote to Magatha, when she asked me for help in her coup in Thunder Bluff, and I told her where she could stick it?

Yeah.  Guess who.

That’s when they started letting information about all of this start reaching us, to set off their plan to lure me out.  Eventually when we went after Skarr, they started putting the pieces in place for a backup plan that would let them kill two birds with one stone – let us get Skarr, feed us more information through him, then set me up to be captured…and then put me into the Skarr role as Cho’gall’s future place of residence.  A live Cho’gall and a dead Garrosh all in one fell swoop.  Cho’gall’s revived spirit would take over, my soul would be burned up by the restoration – “consumed by the fires of resurrection” as she put it – and my body would be corrupted into something more “suitable” for him.  Fun stuff.

Eventually they even had good luck on their side.  In my stupidity, I sent that fucker Johnny Awesome to Thousand Needles, where the Twilights were still holding Magatha in “protective custody,” which gave her an opening to round up all the magical doohickeys she needed and cover her tracks all at the same time.  I mean, think of it – at this point she was ALREADY basically screwing over her own tribe for the sake of helping the Twilights burn the world down.  So now rather than having to come up with another cover story to keep leading the other Grimtotem on, she just sent Johnny Awesome to round up the stuff she needed from them, then got him to KILL Arnak and Isha, the only Grimtotem who knew anything at all about what Magatha was really up to in the first place.  And then he comes back, “steals” the Doomstone for her, and sends her off on her way, so as far as anyone can tell, she’s just ESCAPED the Twilights rather than working with them.

Gotta admit, this is all so sly and sneaky I’d actually be kind of impressed, if it wasn’t all so totally revolting.

Anyway…you can probably see how everything played out from there, the trap-within-a-trap at Alcaz Island, and all the rest.  Which brings us back to me being held in the Bastion of Twilight.

Eventually a couple of ettin dragged me out of my cell and set me up in a scaffold in the middle of Cho’gall’s old throne room.  Still a little groggy from whatever spells they’d been casting on me, but I guess they needed me conscious for the big pay-off.  Either that or Magatha wanted me awake so I could feel every last bit of it.  Probably both.  The scaffolding actually didn’t feel THAT tight, and the wood seemed to have a little give to it, but I wasn’t sure how much time I was going to have to struggle with it at that point.

Anyway, Magatha stood up beside me with the Doomstone in hand, tauren relics set up all around us, and started doing some incantations that who the fuck knows what they meant.  Apparently the ritual called for some kind of ritual bloodletting (blood is life or some shit like that), and since Magatha wasn’t exactly one to turn up a chance to rub some salt in the would, she had the cultists bring her Gorehowl – she was going to spill my blood with my own axe.  And then, just to add insult to injury…wait, no, she was already adding insult to injury…to add extra insult to insult and injury, she decides she has to get her last jab in, and says something along the lines of, “Fitting, isn’t it, a little loosed blood sets you on your way to becoming a monster that will lay waste to your world…like father, like son, eh, Hellscream?”

And I’m not going to lie to you – THAT?  That pissed me.  The fuck.  OFF.

And seriously, when you’re trying to finish an old-school warrior, Magatha, what’s the one thing you never want to fucking do?  Yeah.  Feed him extra free rage.



Broken scaffold.

Pummeled tauren bitch crone, flying across the room.  Gorehowl back in the right hands, and a whole room full of Twilights running in to take a number at the deli counter OF MOTHERFUCKING PAIN.

Just so happens, as I was starting to fight my way back out, Saurfang and the rest were making their way in.  I think they might have run into a couple batches of cultists that Magatha sent back out to the exit to secure the way out while I was on the move.  Kinda wish I’d been there to see the looks on their faces when they came out of the portal, actually.  “Okay, guys, we’ll just lock this down and WHERE THE FUCK DID THIS OTHER ARMY COME FROM **CLEAVE**”

So…I think that covers everything.  I probably missed a few details here and there, but fuck, this was long enough already, no need to go piling on more.  Anyway I can try to answer any left over questions you guys might have.  Otherwise, it’s going to be good to get back to semi-normal life, answer my mail, all that good stuff.  I’ll write more soon, about some less apocalypsey stuff.

I’ll say this much, though.  Magatha’s day is coming.  I can take some comfort in knowing that now she’s probably an even greater outcast, even more alone, than she’s ever been, now that she’s not only an exile from the tauren, but she’s even betrayed the one remaining tribe that would have had her.  But this?  Just wait till I finally get my hands on her, and get a chance to crush her under my heel.  CRUSH her.  See if the elements protect her then.  Crush and burn and drown and suffocate.  ‘Tis a little dream I have.

More soon.  And also, um…yeah.  Thanks for coming after me.

Live Blog: Storming the Bastion

Posted in From the Desk of Saurfang with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 17, 2012 by Garrosh Hellscream


Citizens of the Horde,

I write to you today from our staging ground at the Twilight Citadel.  As you are no doubt aware, as I write these words to you, we are about to launch our incursion into the Bastion of Twilight; once underway, my chirographically proficient aide Mokvar will continue to update this space to keep you all informed of our progress – a process I am told is generally referred to as “live blogging.”  Before passing full control of our communication over to Mokvar, I am taking the liberty here of offering these opening remarks to set the stage, as it were.

I arrived at Twilight Highlands with several Kor’kron detachments late last night, and immediately prepared our forces to move on the Bastion of Twilight.  Zaela offered Dragonmaw support for our operation, even volunteering to accompany us herself; I cordially declined the offer – I believe my exact words were “I think you’ve done enough already, thank you” – and suggested that Zaela and her troops instead stake out the Twilight Citadel perimeter, a baby-steps measure of safeguarding from which she might benefit from practice.

[Never send a Dragonmaw to do a Saurfang’s job.  –Mkvr., ed.]


It’s over to me now, by the way, so I guess I don’t really need the usual brackets.  Mokvar here.  I’ll try to keep posting these quickly.  It’s going to depend on what’s going on at the time, obviously, but I’ll try to stay on task.  Hopefully this will go well.

Keep refreshing this page to update – I’ll be continually adding to the post as we go along.


8:02 PM – Zoning into the Bastion now.  We’ll see how this goes…


8:05 PM – All troops are inside.  Already a bit pecular — there are corpses of a couple of cultists here by the entrance.  They don’t seem like they’ve been dead for very long.  We’re moving in further into the major chamber.

8:08 PM – Well that explains that.  In the big room just inside the Bastion, there were two more dead cultists, then on the far end of the room yet another one dead, along with one live Twilight cultist — in the middle of combat with Garona. She seemed like she was doing fine by herself, but Saurfang and the closest batch of Kor’kron jumped in to help finish the cultist off.  It bears noting — he got the most hilarious look of “Oh, come ON” on his face just before they dropped him.


8:10 PM – Also, I just have to ask: don’t these guards look around at all?  That is, sure, the cultists that Garona attacked before we got here were stationed in pairs, but they were also all within eyeshot of each other.  Isn’t it kind of strange that each pair pretty much stood around keeping to themselves while Garona was killing their friends at the other end of the room?  Just sayin’.


8:14 PM – Garona says she stealthed ahead to check out more of the Bastion before we got here.  According to her, most of the cultists that are here seem to be clustered near Cho’gall’s old command room — the Throne of the Apocalypse.  She says there were enough there packed close enough together that she didn’t want to risk stealthing in any further.  There weren’t many Twilight’s Hammer people elsewhere in the place, other than these groups of guards near the entrance, so she decided to come back here first to make sure she’d cleared an escape path for herself just in case.


8:16 PM – Moving on further now with Garona on board.


8:17 PM – Hang on, AFK – combat!!


8:20 PM – Sorry, back.

We were about to head down the next hallway, but a portal opened up near the entrance, and about a dozen Twilight cultists came through and came running up on us from behind.  Contrary to what you might think, crazed apocalyptic world-destroying lunatics don’t have the basic manners to lay off the guy in the back who’s just trying to mind his own business and write.

Anyway, Saurfang and the other made pretty short work of them just the same.  I think we’re clear now. 


8:21 PM – Spoke too soon.  Another wave coming through the portal!  Stand by.


8:22 PM – Seriously, why do these Twilight people always insist on coming at Saurfang in twos?  After all this time, does the word “CLEAVE” really not ring any bells to these people?


8:25 PM – Give up your futile struggle, doomed fools!  All is but chaos and darkness!  The Hour of Twilight shall fall, and the sun shall set on your mortal realm!  Accept the inevitable and embrace the end as we have!


8:27 PM – Yikes, sorry!  one of those damn cultists freaking mind-controlled me for a minute there!

Funny he would make me write that, though, rather than, say, try to stab somebody.  Then again, I guess even these cultists need an outlet sometimes.  That and they’re insane.


8:29 PM – Cultists taken out.  We’ve only lost two Kor’kron so far, so we’re handling them pretty well.  Still, we’re going to hold position here and watch that portal.  That’s two waves of cultists that have come through, so we don’t want to move on right off and be taken by surprise.


8:33 PM – Nothing coming from the portal so far.  Saurfang has decided to leave a group here to stand guard while the rest of us use the portal and see what’s going on on the other end, wherever it is.

Saurfang’s also making a big point of us all going through together, and how he doesn’t want to go through, find himself in a room with a hundred cultists, look around, and see he’s all by himself.

I asked if he was worried he would be overwhelmed.

He said no, he just figures that that would give him a huge head start on the scoreboard and he wants to play fair by the rest of us.

Damn I love Saurfang.


8:41 PM – We’ve just gone through the portal, and this is a little eerie.  The portal took us all the way to the heart of the Bastion — straight to Cho’gall’s old command room, the Throne of the Apocalypse.  Based on the waves of cultists that were coming through the portal just a few minutes ago, I was expecting us to be swimming in them when we came out on this side, but strangely enough, the throne room is empty.

Empty, and a mess.  The place is still in tatters from Cho’gall’s last battle here.  The huge hole in the floor, leading down to Sinestra’s lair in the Twilight Caverns below, is still there and visible, but it’s been more or less covered by a series of wooden planks and platforms.  All around the room there are different pieces of conjuring paraphenalia, much like the junk the Twilight’s Hammer had down in Ahn’Qiraj, only here it looks to be strewn all over the place, some of it broken.  In the middle of the room there’s a heavy wooden prisoner’s scaffold — broken as well, nearly cracked into splinters in some spots.  There look to be broken chains laying around it on the ground as well.

The biggest eye-catcher, though, is the fact that the room is littered with bodies — cultists of all races, several ettin, a handful of ogres.  Most of the bodies look to be recently dead, many of them still seeping blood across the floor.

We’ve only just had enough time to take all this in, and now we’re hearing some commotion going on a ways down the hall, heading back out from the throne room.  We’re on our way out now.  Stand by.


8:44 PM – Just made our way through the Sanctum of the Ascended.  Three more dead ettin here, and no shortage of blodd spattered all around.  We’re still hearing noise from further out, but it sounds like we’re getting closer.

Saurfang and Garona are picking up the pace and growing visibly fired up by all this, and I can’t really blame them, considering the short list of candidates who could have a hand in this much damage…


8:46 PM – Heading down into the Twilight Enclave now — this is definitely where the noise is coming from.


8:50 PM – HOLY CRAP, they have a gronn!!  (By the way, weren’t there only supposed to be a handful of gronn in existence?  How do these Twilight Highlands cultists keep digging up extras?)  Anyway, this one is pretty much as big as a gronn could get and still fit in here.  It’s blocking the view of the far exit, and it’s got a gang of cultists swarming around it — not swarming like they’re attacking the gronn, but swarming like they’re all on the same side against a shared target, in the doorway.


8:53 PM – Okay, time to settle your bets on this one — it’s Garrosh!

Also worth noting that we were finally able to see him in the doorway because he just bladestormed down like half a dozen of the cultists.

And, with a patented “You answer to Saurfang now!” from the overlord, here we go!


8:56 PM – Well, here we were going to go.  Just as we were starting to charge in, we suddenly found ourselves rooted in place by some kind of slowing field, then guess who comes swooping in on that freaky wind serpent of hers?  Magatha Grimtotem herself!  (Nerf earthbind totems!)


8:59 PM – A large chunk of the cultists broke off to attack our group.  Including, you guessed it, two who ran right at Saurfang.  Together.  Why, seriously, why?

Meanwhile, Magatha’s landed and taken out a glowing, pulsating orb — is that the Doomstone?  She’s chanting something and the orb is glowing brighter.


9:02 PM – …Only nobody really noticed that Garona was unaccounted for, and she just popped out of stealth behind Magatha!  Stunlock!  And pissed-off stunlock too, from the looks of it!  Ha!  (Nerf rogues!)


9:04 PM – Another bladestorm from Garrosh, and now it’s just down to him and the gronn.  The only other cultists left are the ones busy fighting the Kor’kron…and they could probably be holding their own okay if it weren’t for the old guy cleaving his way through them.


9:05 PM – Crap.  Saurfang managed to close in on the gronn to help Garrosh, but the gronn must have heard him coming because it just turned around and hit him with some kind of shockwave effect, which did a knockback on Saurfang and threw straight back into Garona.


9:09 PM – Okay, mixed bag here.

The good: Throwing down that shockwave distracted the gronn just enough that Garrosh was able to get a few good hits in on him, and by the time it got its bearing back, it was short…um…an arm.

Now — YEAH! — short a head!

The bad: Saurfang getting flung into Garona kept her from doing her stun-lock thing, so now Magatha is back up and remounted on her blasted wind serpent.


9:13 PM – With the gronn dead and the cultists pretty well under control, Magatha tried flying out the doorway away from us — as she swooped by, though, Garrosh managed to leap up and catch the wind serpent’s tail.  Magath kept going and she’s carrying him with her away from the Enclave.  Saurfang and Garona have collected themselves and the bunch of us who aren’t locked down the remaining cultists are heading up after them.


9:20 PM – We’ve made it back up to Wyrmbreaker’s Rookery.  Magatha’s wind serpent is zig-zagging around, and it looks kind of shaky so maybe Garrosh has gotten in a few good swings on it while he’s been holding on.  Still, though, between the wind serpent thrashing around and Magatha letting loose some lightning bolts, they just managed to shake Garrosh loose and dropped him on the rookery balcony, overlooking the Highlands.

Magatha pulled away with the wind serpent, but then she just stopped and pulled the Doomstone out again.  I couldn’t hear from here, but she started saying something, maybe another one of her chants, and the stone started glowing insanely brightly in rapid pulses.  Then she hit Garrosh with one more lightning bolt — looks like he just shook that one off mostly — and threw the Doomstone down on the balcony.  It gave off an energy burst when it landed that pushed Garrosh back a few feet.  It’s pulsing faster and brighter now, and giving out a humming that’s getting louder by the second.


9:24 PM – Crap, I think Magatha just overcharged the Doomstone!  The pulsing is more like a strobe effect now, and the buzzing noise is going right through my ears.  Magatha’s flown off from the overlook on her wind serpent, but right now I think we’ve got bigger things to worry about — Saurfang just grabbed Garona to pull her back and shoved everyone back from balcony.


9:25 PM – Yep, it’s gonna blow!  If I’m still too close give my internet router to Spazzle…


9:26 PM – Garrosh jumped!  He just jumped off the balcony to get clear of the blast!


9:30 PM – OW, my ears.  And my eyes, too, for that matter.  Wow that was explosion was sensory overload… Going to need a minute to steady myself here…

The explosion pretty much took out the entire balcony…there are chunks of the floor and walls still crumbling and breaking loose…cracks all around the room are going to make the place pretty unstable to move around in.

Saurfang just did a quick head count to make sure the bunch of us were okay.  Garona’s already making her way over toward the ledge to see if there was anything down below for Garrosh to have grabbed on to…


9:34 PM – HA!  The wyvern!  Garrosh just came floating on up into view on his wyvern!  It must have been flying around the Bastion and caught him when he jumped off!  See, see, I told him it was a good-looking animal back in Ashenvale, but does anyone listen to me?  Nooo.

Um, I mean, yeah!  Garrosh is safe!


9:40 PM – Whew…. Okay, so we’ve gotten the cultists cleaned up, and Garrosh had landed and rejoined us (not too close to the cracked and unstable falling-apart room, mind you).  Saurfang’s in the process of surveying the troops, but just eyeballing it I’d say our casualties were relatively light.  Granted we lost Magatha, and there are still some gaps to fill in about what was going on here, but Garrosh and Saurfang and the rest can worry about that afterward.  For now we’re just concentrating on gathering up and getting ready to bring everyone back home to Orgrimmar.

Stand by a minute, I think Saurfang’s going to want to wrap things up here before we head out.

Also I need to go find some aspirin.

Also Spazzle had better not have made off with my router.


Victory is ours, friends!  And so, with Warchief Hellscream returned to us safely, the time has come for me to relinquish the mantle of leadership and return to my post in Northrend.  I wish to thank you all for your support and your courage, and also for continuing to read this space which I have maintained for the Warchief as best I could.  I trust Warchief Hellscream will resume his communication with you in short order, and I am sure he will look forward to hearing from you, his people, as much as you will no doubt look forward to once again benefiting from his sage words.

And with that, people of the Horde, I sign my final note to you.  It has, as always, been an honor to serve with you.

Lok’tar ogar, friends.  Honor go with you all.



Bastion of Twilight — and YOU’RE invited!

Posted in Spazzle Speaks with tags , , , , , , , , , , on February 15, 2012 by Garrosh Hellscream


What’s up!

Hey all, it’s Spazzle again.  I’m making this update for Warchief Saurfang, since he’s in Twilight Highlands now getting ready for the attack on the Bastion of Twilight.

I talked with him and Mokvar before they left, and convinced them to let me set a special arrangement for the attack.  I know that there are a lot of you who’ve been taking an interest in what’s been going on through all of this, between the Twilight’s Hammer Cho’gall plot, and Magatha, and Garrosh’s disappearance – so I figured, why make you all wait to find out what’s happening after the fact?  So I’ve set things up so that Mokvar will be able to live-blog the entire operation while it’s happening, and you’ll all have the chance to follow along!

So, here’s the deal: Saurfang has the attack planned for this Friday at 8:00pm EST.  Consider this your very own virtual raid invite!  We’ll have a blog post up at that point, and Mokvar will continue updating as the operation unfolds.  Tell your friends!  Spread the word!  Be there to see first-hand (kind of) what happens, live and in person (kind of)!


Highlands Bound

Posted in From the Desk of Saurfang with tags , , , , , , , , , , on February 14, 2012 by Garrosh Hellscream


Citizens of the Horde,

I have received a coded message from Garona Halforcen:


Heading to Twilight Highlands ASAP.  Based on information from prisoners, ritual equipment was divided between Silithus and TH to cover “contingencies.”  Info may or may not be reliable.  Information distributed to general cultists may be inaccurate or incomplete.

Will check in with Zaela when able.


I have myself contacted Zaela of the Dragonmaw Clan and, as of a short while ago, Garona is indeed in Twilight Highlands and on the move.  Moreover, Zaela further informs me that there has been increased Twilight activity in the Highlands, particularly in the area surrounding the Twilight Citadel.  I find this news troubling, and more than a little irritating; given the efforts invested by Horde heroes to contain the cult and overthrow its odious Bastion of Twilight, it does not sit well with me to learn that we may actually have allowed the Twilight’s Hammer, in whatever limited numbers, to regain a foothold in their old fortress.  Someone, as the saying goes, really dropped the ball there.

As the unscrupulous ogre Draz’Zilb has been relieved of duty in light of his recent conduct, I have been forced reluctantly to call upon a number of warlocks from the Cleft of Shadow for information on matters necromantic, as I am no longer at all sure what to make of the state of the Cho’gall plot.  According to Grol’dar, the spirit of Cho’gall, even absent a stable phylactery, could be restored to life successfully at the site of his death, provided an adequate repository of necrotic power and a new vessel for the spirit to occupy.

Hardly coincidental, then, that agents of the Twilight’s Hammer appear to be taking renewed interest in the Bastion of Twilight.  I would hazard a guess that our own impatient operative Garona is likewise on her way there, if she is not there already.

If she is already there, in any case, she will not long be there alone.  We set out for the Highlands, friends.  Honor go with us all.