Archive for aggra

Surprises from the land down under

Posted in Transcripts with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 8, 2012 by Garrosh Hellscream

So after the last few days, I decided I needed to relax and blow off a little steam, so I locked myself away upstairs for some gaming time, and…well…see for yourself.

 

You have logged on.

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  I’m just about to start on the outback now

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  did you get the bread crumb quest to alice springs?

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Hey, chief

[Guild][Lorthemar]  Hail, Garrosh!

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  hi garrosh

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Hey guys

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  what’s up, boss?

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  oh and hi, lorthemar

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  are you new?

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Eh, doing okay, I guess

[Guild][Lorthemar]  Erm, no…

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Just need to destress a little

[Guild][Lorthemar]  I’ve been in this guild for months.

[Guild][Lorthemar]  Why do people keep asking me that?

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  oh okay

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  anyway, garona, when you start questing in the outback, just watch out for the dingo packs

[LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] has earned the achievement [Heroic: Sydney Opera House]!

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  they’re bad news, huh?

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  grats!

[Guild][Lorthemar]  Congratulations!

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  grats BQ

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Thank you, all! ^_^

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  And greetings, Warchief.  My apologies for being a bit distracted.  I was focused on an instance.

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  yeah gayle, they just turn up out of nowhere and swarm you

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Oh hey, that’s right, I forgot all about the expansion!

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  ugh great – well thanks for the warning

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  How are you guys liking Australia?

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  I take back all the jokes I made about it.

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  the new zones are gorgeous!

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  they really did a nice job on it from what I’ve seen so far

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  BQ’s leaving us all in the dust, though

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  she’s level 60 already

[ProfHubert | Faranell] has logged on.

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Oh wow

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Well, I needed something to occupy myself with while many of you were going about the much more important work of fighting for the glory of the Horde.

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  hi prof

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Shining success that it was.

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Hey Edwin.

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  You could always put in a little time tracking down what happened to Koltira Deathweaver, you know

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Oh hey, there’s the doc

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  His whereabouts *are* indeed a mystery, I will grant.

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  That’s good, I’d meant to check up on him after the dust settled

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  hiya prof

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  You know, make sure he was still there and okay

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Yeah.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Warchief?  Why would Faranell not be okay?  He’s been here in the Undercity the whole time, nowhere near the conflicts in the Barrens and Dustwallow.

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Huh

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell]  hello all

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Hey doc, how goes?

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Hmm

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Yeah, good point, Sylvanas…

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  have I mentioned how much I love this new aoe looting?

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell]  it goes.

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Oh man, yeah, that’s great.

[Guild][Lorthemar]  That was indeed a superb addition.

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Oh hell yeah, is that active finally?

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  yup

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Okay, so I think it’s time for me to get out there and have a look

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Going into the new zone cinematic, so I’ll be quiet for a few

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  So Edwin, everything okay down in the Apothecarium?

[Guild][Lorthemar]  Enjoy, Warchief.  Let me know if I can be of any assistance.

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell]  it’s fine.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Fairly quiet, since, as the good doctor will surely confirm, there’s little going on there other than routine defensive research.

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell]  unless you count all the plague, yeah.

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  lol

[Proudleslie] has logged on.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Your…droll sense of humor is amusing as always, doctor. A fine jest indeed.

[Guild][Proudleslie]  oh man what a week i’ve had

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Um…

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell]  if you say so.

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  hi leslie

[Guild][Lorthemar]  Greetings!

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  oh no

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Isn’t that…?

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  yeah

[Guild][Proudleslie]  hi everyone

[Guild][Proudleslie]  it’ll be good to unwind here a little

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar]  This isn’t going to be pretty, is it?

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  nope

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  have you had a chance to get started on australia yet, leslie?

[Guild][Proudleslie]  just the first night

[Guild][Proudleslie]  i pulled a late nighter and managed to get a couple levels

[Guild][Proudleslie]  then i had a bunch of stuff blow up on me rl

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Sounds very hectic, Leslie…

[Guild][Proudleslie]  and now i have this new job so

[Guild][Proudleslie]  yea it really is

[Guild][Proudleslie]  brb afk

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  hb

[Guild][Lorthemar]  Oh HO, look at this!  I just found one of those rare koala pets!

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  omg jealous!

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  but yay!

[Guild][Lorthemar]  It is a cute little thing.  A bit odd looking, but…

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Okay, so that’s done

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  wb

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  so you’re in sydney now?

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Yeah…have a bunch of quests to do

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  the one with the wombat is kind of tough

[Guild][Proudleslie]  ok back

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Okay, well here we go

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Hang on

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  wb leslie

[Guild][Lorthemar]  Welcome back, both of you!

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Um…

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Oh boy

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  here we go

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Uh, YEAH here we go

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  So…just to make sure I’m not mixing this up with some alternate reality or something

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  is that who I think it is?

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Yeah.

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  yeah, it’s jaina

[Guild][Proudleslie]  thanks gayle

[Guild][Proudleslie]  thanks lorthemar

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Okay

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  So

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Welcome back, Leslie.  Good to see you again.

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Question #2

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  WHY IS SHE STILL IN THE FUCKING GUILD

[Guild][Proudleslie]  thanks livin

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  I hope things have settled down for you a bit.

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  I don’t think anyone has seen her on since last time

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  and the whole thing with varian

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Warchief, if I may…

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Yeah, I guess nobody bothered to go back and gkick her while she was offline.

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  And also why the hell are you being all buddy buddy with her, Sylvanas?

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  A suggestion, Garrosh?

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  That’s actually part of my suggestion.

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  What suggestion, to be friends with our enemies, especially the ones who completely torpedoed what should have been a decisive win for the Horde?

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Because apparently, we’re running Heroic Bizarro World in real life now?

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Warchief…

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Or are you throwing in with Baine and Vol’jin to commemorate Hey Everybody Let’s All Piss Off Garrosh Week?

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar]  That’s only a week?

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Warchief, please hear me out.

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Oh trust me, I’m all ears

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Consider for a moment: it’s precisely *because* Jaina has proven such a thorn in the Horde’s side that we should consider keeping her in the guild.

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Because…?

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  I’ll get another virus queued up, just in case…

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Recall the old adage, Warchief: keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  By all appearances, Jaina does not realize who we are.  I can’t imagine why Varian wouldn’t have told her, but then, considering Varian’s evident mental acuity, I suppose anything is possible.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  In any case, we have here among us a high-ranking member of the Alliance, who we know to have Varian’s ear, and will likely be privy to a great many of their plans, not to mention whichever ones she might be involved in personally.

[Guild][Proudleslie]  huh its gotten all quiet

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  If we can keep her around, we might be able to use it to our advantage, to ply inside information from her about our enemies’ movements.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  I’d tried to make this same suggestion to you a few months ago when we discovered Varian had joined the guild, but you kicked him before I could make my point.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  But this time, Warchief, please, consider the possibilities here.

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar]  I have to admit, it’s a pretty smart idea.

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  they’re talking in officer chat

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  I’m already working on befriending her.  We don’t need to do anything other than allow her to stay around, while we watch for openings.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  I understand that you’re angry about the recent setbacks, but think of the benefit we might gain from this, with hardly any risk of loss on our part.

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Huh… Okay, you know what, that actually IS pretty smart

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  So, yeah, okay, let her stick around

[Guild][Proudleslie]  oh

[Guild][Proudleslie]  about what?

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  I’ll bite my tongue

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Thank you, Warchief.  I promise you won’t regret this.

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  We’ll just have to make sure nobody slips up and gives away who’s actually in the guild

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  most people have been getting pretty good about rl stuff

[Guild][Lorthemar]  Probably me.

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  lol

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Yeah

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Yeah, well, hopefully we’ll get something useful out of this

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Meanwhile, let me get back to leveling

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell]  i should get going actually.

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell]  see everyone soon.

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  bye prof

[ProfHubert | Faranell] has logged off.

[Guild][Proudleslie]  bye profhubert

[Guild][Proudleslie]  bah too slow

[Guild][Proudleslie]  oh hey

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] ?

[Guild][Proudleslie]  since most of the officers are on, could i get a guild invite for my bf?

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  You’re not going to be cybering him in guild chat, are you?

[Guild][Proudleslie]  omg

[Guild][Proudleslie]  i’m so so so embarrassed about that

[Guild][Proudleslie]  i’m so sorry, it wont happen again i promise

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Also, she has a boyfriend now?  Since when?

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Beats me.

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  And who is it?

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar]  I don’t really keep up with celebrity gossip.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Working on it…

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Yeah, sure, Leslie, just as soon as I’m out of combat here

[Guild][Proudleslie]  ok

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  it’s ok, leslie, i’ll get him, just whisper me the name?

[Guild][Proudleslie]  ok!  ty

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Hmm, well this is interesting…

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar]  What?

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  I’m trying not to press for too much information, obviously…

[HonaleePuff] has joined the guild.

[Guild][Lorthemar]  Welcome!

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  One moment.

[Guild][Proudleslie]  hi sweetie!

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  welcome puff

[Guild][HonaleePuff]  THANKS EVERYONE

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  whoa don’t yell!

[Guild][HonaleePuff]  WHAT?

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Oh good, he’s a caps-talker to boot.

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  people still do that?

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  the caps, it’s like you’re yelling

[Guild][Proudleslie]  thats just his deep sexy booming voice heehee

[Guild][HonaleePuff]  LOL

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Ugh, you weren’t kidding about this wombat thing

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  The damn thing’s killed me twice now

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  see I told you

[Guild][Proudleslie]  omg i hated that thing

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Did we ever find out who this guy is, by the way?

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  I have a strong suspicion based on what she’s told me…

[Guild][Lorthemar]  Would you like a hand, sir?

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  That would be great, thanks

[Guild][Lorthemar]  Happy to be of help!  Send me an invite?

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Incoming

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  And that would be…?

[Guild][Lorthemar]  Got it!  I’ll be there in just a moment.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  I’m pretty sure that he’s Kalecgos.

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  whoa

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  ok everyone, I need to go for a while

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Wait, you mean the Aspect of Magic Kalecgos?

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Well, not anymore

[Guild][Lorthemar]  Farewell!

[Guild][Proudleslie]  bye gayle

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Well yeah, but he was.

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  for like ten minutes

[Guild][HonaleePuff]  BYE

[Garona | Nightengayle] has logged off.

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  So wait…how sure are you about this?

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Quite sure, actually.  Based on what she’s said, and a few bits and pieces I’ve picked up from my own sources.

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Huh

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Well, that settles it

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  what?

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  She’s officially run out of mammals

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  haha

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  -Sigh-

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Oh yikes, yeah, I didn’t think of that.  I didn’t know Jaina was a scaley…

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Well you kind of had to figure nothing was off the table with her

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Ugh scalies creep me out.

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Oh, like you wouldn’t do Alexstrasza if you had the chance

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Who could blame him, really?  I wish I had her body.

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar]  You kind of do.  Like, exactly.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Thank you, Mokvar…I think.

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Just don’t start going all Bragor on her now, Mokvar

[Guild][Lorthemar]  Okay, here I am!

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Hang on

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  -Shudder-

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Don’t remind me.  I’ve been starting to wear parkas during his shifts…

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Uh, dude…

[Guild][Lorthemar]  Yes? Is something wrong, sir?

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  What’s up with your toon?

[Guild][Lorthemar]  What about it?

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  It’s kind of a girl

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Don’t know if you’ve noticed

[Guild][Lorthemar]  Um, yes, I know, sir… Is that a problem?

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  So…you play a female toon?

[Guild][Lorthemar]  Yes…?

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar]  To be fair, he IS a blood elf.  He pretty much plays a female toon in RL too…

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  …

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Okay, dude, fine, whatever works for you

[Guild][Proudleslie]  thats actually pretty smart

[Guild][Proudleslie]  you would be AMAZED how willing guys are to help when you have a female avatar

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  That’s actually quite true…

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Okay, well whatever, let’s just kill this damn wombat

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Also to be fair, whose ass would YOU rather look at for 60 levels?

[Guild][Proudleslie]  haha well if you’re asking ME…

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Too…many…jokes…

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Heh.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  -Sigh- again.

[Guild][Lorthemar]  There we go!

[Guild][Lorthemar]  See, pretty painless with the two of us.

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Yeah

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Thanks, man

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  or…whatever

[Guild][Lorthemar]  Any time, sir.

[Guild][HonaleePuff]  OUCH

[Guild][Proudleslie]  omg sweetie what killed you?

[Guild][HonaleePuff]  SOME PACK OF DOGS

[Guild][HonaleePuff]  THYE JUST FLATTENED ME

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  ohhhh the dingoes got you

[Guild][Proudleslie]  omg dingoes ate my baby!

[Guild][Proudleslie]  its ok i can rez you

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  So Leslie, I’m curious, how long have you and Puff been together?

[Guild][HonaleePuff]  NOT VERY LONG REALLY

[Guild][Proudleslie]  nope not long at all

[Guild][Proudleslie]  we only got together this past week

[Guild][Proudleslie]  but it feels like we’ve know each other for ages

[Guild][HonaleePuff]  : )

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Oh, well congratulations to you both, then.  I hope you’ll be very happy.

[Guild][Proudleslie]  ty

[Guild][Proudleslie]  its just funny too, b/c just a couple weeks ago i was talking to my friend

[Guild][Proudleslie]  and he just got married not too long ago

[Guild][Proudleslie]  and he was telling me how life would be much better if i found someone to share it with

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Gee, I wonder who THAT could be

[Guild][Proudleslie]  and a few days later here he was!

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  That’s very sweet indeed.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  And not at all contrived in its timing.

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Also, seriously, Thrall’s spending his time now dropping by to tell Jaina she needs to get herself a man?

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Or, I guess, to narrow it down to one and settle down?

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Watch, he’s become one of those people who get married and then feel like everybody else needs to get married too.

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar]  You know, misery loves company.

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  haha

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  No no, I’ll tell you exactly what that is

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Thrall’s been dropping by to hang out with Jaina

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Only now, he’s got a wife pulling him aside when he gets home, like, “So hey, what exactly is the deal with the blonde chick you’re spending all this time with?”

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  “Who I was hearing things about, like, all the way out in Nagrand”

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  haha

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  And so I’ll bet you anything, Thrall was like, “Okay, I have to get this chick hooked up so the missus gets off my ass”

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Heh, yeah, wife aggro.

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  And seriously

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  If he didn’t want wife aggro, I mean, come on

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  He fucking married a woman NAMED Aggro, pretty much

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  aggra aggro?

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Hah

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Anyway

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  I need to get going

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Have a meeting with Malkorok

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Have to run for a while, guys

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Have fun

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Oh joy…

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  later boss

[Guild][Proudleslie]  bye pwn

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Take care, sir.

You have logged off.

Monday mailbag

Posted in Mailbag with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 24, 2012 by Garrosh Hellscream

So yeah, I know I’m just getting this mailbag in under the wire for it to count as Monday, but whatever, it’s hard to get a stable internet connection out here in the fucking swamp.  I’m writing from the field as we make our final march into Dustwallow Marsh.  I figured I haven’t answered any mail for a while, so it might be good to offer up a few messages from the my loyal Horde minions before we but a roflstomping on the humans.

Let’s see what we’ve got…

 

Written on a heavy parchment in multicolored inks, the first impression of this letter is one of chaos. Small sketches of Tauren, prairie wolves, swoops, and other sights of Mulgore clutter the margins, at times encroaching on the text itself. The sketches are obviously done quickly, but with moderate skill; the subjects are clearly recognizable even though the drawings are rough and unfinished. In contrast, the words meander across the page, crooked and shaky, with the occasional backwards letter. Many times a word will be started in one color of ink and finished in another, as if the writer got distracted halfway through the word.

Dear Mistr Warcheif Sir,

I have a question, and the nice ork Mistr U told me to write to you and ask. Hes visiting, and hes been reel nice to me. He talks a lot. Sumtimes I cant ask him anything because he talks too much. But he told me to ask you. He said you would kno. I wanted to ask if brown orks taste diffrent than green orks. Do green orks taste like mint? Are brown orks chocklate? Tauren taste like fur. Why are you brown when the other orks are green? Did you eat too much chocklate? Everyone tells me I cant eat too much chocklate, itll make me sick. Did you get sick from chocklate? Mistr U needs to go now, so I have to stop riting and give this to him.

The letter is signed with a large, inky pawprint, a small sketch of a Tauren druid in cat form, and the shaky name “Taktani,” with every letter in a different color ink.

Um…

Hmm…

Well…

<scratches head>

The FUCK is this?

Okay, so I get that the talkative orc this person is talking about is probably Utvoch… I mean, starts with “U” and talks too much, how many of those could there be?  And I guess this is good since it confirms D&U must still be alive in the restored timeline after…well…you know.  Um…I GUESS that’s a good thing.  Not sure what Utvoch is doing in Mulgore rather than Vindication Hold up in Stonetalon, but whatever.  I guess being killed in the line of duty earns you a little R&R time.

As for you, Taktani…um, no, brown orcs don’t taste like chocolate, and green orcs don’t taste like mint.  Although it IS kind of funny thinking of that, since it would mean, what, Thrall and Aggra are going to have mint chocolate chip babies?  Heh.  But no, we just taste like….orc.  I mean for real, I get enough attention from the ladies as it is, what with me being Warchief and dead sexy and all — last thing I need is for word to start getting around that I taste like chocolate too.  Dude, I won’t be able to walk down the fucking STREET.

Anyway, Taktani, thanks for writing just the same.  Hopefully you’ve outgrown Tauren Kindergarten-Land in Mulgore, and are off doing some bigger-kid stuff.  The Horde can always use more good soldiers, especially on my watch with me looking far and wide for ways to keep the troops busy.  Ashenvale’s looking pretty nice this time of year, if I can make a recommendation.  Just don’t get too much of the damn night elf glitter in your eyes.

 

Hey mon!

I’m writing’ to ya from one of our ships headin’ down to Theramore!  I’m on a boat, mon!

Make sure ya watch it to da end, mon!

–Bob, S.S. Echo Isles

I… he… what the hell IS this, the mailbag of WTF?!

I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that this Bob guy managed to dig up a new and creative way to be stupid.  Funny, though, I’m pretty sure that’s the song I’ve been hearing Vol’jin humming to himself for most of the trip down.  Maybe it’s some kind of a troll thing…

 

Hail, Warchief!

Time is short, in more ways than one. I’m writing this for those of us on the road to Theramore.

The hour of assault approaches. There may be some who doubt why we’re here. Why we’re doing this. Why we must. The reason can be given in one word: Taurajo. A hunters’ camp, not a military target, annihilated by marauding Alliance soldiers. Soldiers, I say? I misspoke: they weren’t soldiers, they were bandits. Bandits supplied, equipped, and brought to Kalimdor through one place and one place only.

That is why Theramore must burn.

That is also why I make what may sound like a peculiar request. When we make the final assault, those of us who aren’t compelled otherwise should wear Thunder Bluff’s colors. Not only will this show our solidarity with our Tauren brothers, it will also remind those cowards why we come. To remind them that Justice neither relents, nor sleeps.

For the Horde! And for Taurajo!

–A Concerned Citizen

Now THAT’S what I’m talking about!  Go to it, ACC, lay some truth on them motherfuckers!  I’ve got to say, one thing that’s fucking infuriated me on this trip has been seeing how many of our people HAVEN’T on board with me with the post-Taurajo hate.  Check this out — I even heard a rumor that Baine was telling people that Taurajo was a legitimate military target, and the human commander at least gave the civilians room to flee, and he wonders if we’ll conduct ourselves as honorably.  This is BAINE talking.  BAINE.  THE FUCK IS THAT SHIT?  In what backwards-ass universe am I more pissed off about Camp T than chieftain of the fucking tauren?!

Anyway, I’m definitely encouraging the troops to follow your suggestion, ACC.  And on that note, we’re about to spit up the force for the final march.  I’ll update again soon…can’t wait to see the looks on the humans’ faces.  I’ve got a little surprise planned for them…

Monday mailbag

Posted in Mailbag with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 4, 2012 by Garrosh Hellscream

mail27

So not only have I not really done a decent mailbag in a while (the last one really opened up a pretty big can of worms, to be fair), but in light of recent events, I actually have a pretty serious influx of stuff to respond to.  Let’s get right to the mail…

 

Hey Garrosh,

In light of everything you’ve been going through, I decided to take a trip to Demon Fall Canyon to pay my respects to Grom and Lakkara both.  I’ve included a picture of myself at Grom’s monument below.  Also, while you were traveling to Nagrand this week, I took the liberty of writing a post on the blog to encourage your readers to do the same.  Hopefully they’ll follow my lead and send you some photographic proof that we’re all behind you, and thinking of you while you deal with everything that’s happened.

If you ever need anything,

–Spazzle Fizzletrinket, Orgrimmar

Thanks, Spazzle.  Much appreciated.  As it turns out, a bunch of other people did follow your lead, and my inbox ended up sort of flooded with e-mails and links from people chronicling their own visits.  Here’s a smattering from folks who didn’t include an actual letter:

 

And a bunch here that Leit over at int i; posted as part of a full blog entry on the…well…pilgrimages, I guess, that Spazzle set off:

Hail, Warchief!

Condolences on the … recent disturbing events. It’s hard enough to lose a parent once, let alone twice. Know that the Horde grieves with you.

In other news, guess who I ran into the other day? None other than Faranell, the “new guy” in your guild. One of your Kor’kron guards has developed a rather innovative method for controlling the pace of Faranell’s research. He occasionally punts an abomination’s head into the sewers.

That’s Faranell in the middle, and Overseer Kraggosh on the right. He seems to be doing a fine job.

And lastly, Bowling for Wildhammer. You should try it.

(And yes, that’s an atypical hairstyle for one of us. I learned long ago that long, flowing locks and high-torque power shafts DO NOT play well together.)

–A Concerned Citizen

Hey ACC, good to hear from you, and thanks for the show of support.  It’s been a rough couple of weeks, but I’ll manage.  Granted, I’ll sleep a lot better once ol’ You-Know-Who is finally captured and properly dismembered.

Speaking of dissected bodies, thanks as well for checking in on things in the Undercity.  Did you happen to see any signs of Koltira Deathweaver while you were down there, by the way?  Haven’t heard from him in months, and last anybody heard he was helping Sylvanas with some stuff out in the Plaguelands.  Anyway…I’m sure the boys are keeping things under control down there.  I’m still not totally sold on Bragor Bloodfist and the job he’s doing with the watching-Sylvanas-but-not-necessarily-in-the-right-way, but I’m sure Overseer Kraggosh is taking care of business.  I actually gave him the Apothecarium assignment deliberately, in the hopes that maybe working down there could help grease the wheels on moving him up on the list of potential “donor” organ recipients.  Not to jinx things, but the guy has a really bad family history, heart disease and such, to the point that most of the family pretty much treats it as a foregone conclusion.  Want to know how bad it is?  The name “Kraggosh”?  Means “Heart of Cholesterol” in orcish.  Yeah.

Also, Bowling for Wildhammer?  You’ve got to fill me in on this one.  Strangely enough, for all the meetings I’ve had with Zaela, somehow she never mentioned this little diversion in Twilight Highlands.  Seriously, they’ve got some kind of blood sport out there called Bowling for Wildhammer, and she’s wasting my time trying to fucking push some damn SUSHI place on me over and over?  The fuck?

 

Greetings Warchief!

Spazzle suggested we attempt to cheer you up by sending you letters and pictures of us honoring your dearly departed father and mother.  I kept trying to take decent shots, but my stupid pet kept ruining my pictures.  The attached one is the best one I have with out any sort of shenanigans.

While I am writing I would like to ask you a question.  Have you ever considered settling down and starting a family?  I am from the Armripper clan who has made a good showing in all the conflicts.  I am young but not too young.  I was a part of the events in Northrend and was there to help kill the Litch King.  I was also helpful in bringing down Deathwing and the Twilight Cult.

The only deal breaker for me is that I must be able to keep my full stable of pets near me (ie in the house at all times).  I love my pets so much and would never be able to settle down with a man that did not respect that.  I have 25 of them, mostly large felines of various colorings.  Each one is precious to me.

Awaiting your reply,

–Toka Armripper

Oh great.  We’ve got another one.

I actually think I remember you from Northrend, Toka, from when I joined the troops in Icecrown Citadel to deliver Hellscream’s Warsong.  My memory’s a little fuzzy on one point, though — you weren’t on of those fuckers who had a problem with the Warsong and wanted me to stop singing, were you?  Because I’ll tell you in no uncertain terms, I have an enchanting singing voice, I don’t care what any of you people say.

I’m also totally fine with the pet thing.  I mean, 25 cats is maybe a bit much, especially since you say you’re young, seeing as the Crazy Cat Lady thing usually doesn’t start kicking in until middle age at the earliest.  (Also, that thing you said about being “young, but not too young”?  Is this your way of telling me that you’re, you know, legal?  Because assuming we’re talking over 18 here, “too young”?  Ain’t no such thing.  If there’s grass on the field, play ball.)  But I get the appeal of pets — obviously I’m pretty attached to Mortimer, and he would definitely be a dealbreaker for me too, and I also have my worg Malak, who doesn’t get as much press as Mortimer does but also isn’t negotiable.  So I get it.

That said, gotta be honest, I haven’t really given a whole lot of thought to settling down any time soon.  For one thing, I have way too many things to focus on that are a lot bigger than just me.  I have a war to win and humans to exterminate and the glorious future of an Azeroth-dominating Horde to secure, and my time and energy is going to be a lot better spent on that stuff than running around filling out a gift registry (which by the way, am I the only one who thinks that’s a fucking tacky idea in the first place? “Hey, here’s a list of the stuff we want you to buy us, because getting married all of sudden means we get to act like we’re 10 years old and everyone we know is Greatfather fucking Winter”) and getting measured for a tux.  Which, also by the way, I don’t do bow ties.  Chafe my neck something awful.

But even beyond that, have you SEEN Thrall since he got married?  Look, I didn’t always agree with him, but even I wouldn’t hesitate to admit the guy was a badass.  Now?  Have you seen how he lets Aggra lead him around by the nose?  I mean hell, even when he was busy fighting Deathwing, there he was, him and the Aspects and a collection of some of the Horde’s greatest champions, and they narrowly pull off this nail-biter victory that saves the world, and right in their moment of glory and triumph who just SHOWS THE FUCK UP like she OWNS the place?  Yeah.  Aggra.  No thanks.

Besides, why would I want to settle down?  Let’s be honest here — there’s a reason why I’ve ended up having to replace my bed upstairs in Grommash Hold 37 times since I took over as Warchief, and believe you me, it ain’t faulty craftsmanship.

Mag’hari house guest

Posted in General with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 11, 2012 by Garrosh Hellscream

Sorry I haven’t been posting the last week.  I’ve been pretty busy here in Orgrimmar, and not even with anything big and momentous like wiping out the Alliance or even the aftermath of Deathwing biting it.  This past week my Greatmother has been visiting from Nagrand, so I was showing her around and just generally keeping her out of trouble.

As it turns out, just getting her out here was a big production all by itself.  I offered to send a mage to port her straight here, but oh no, no way, turns out apparently old people don’t trust mages and their new-fangled portals, no sir, so we had to arrange to get her out to the Dark Portal to come through that way.  By the way, funny how she didn’t want to take a mage portal because those things are dangerous and unreliable, and yet she was totally okay taking the DARK PORTAL which by the way HAS “PORTAL” RIGHT IN ITS NAME TOO, only with dragon heads carved around it and warlocky fel magic buzzing all over it because we all know NOTHING ever went wrong with THAT.

So anyway, we finally got her out to the Dark Portal and through to the Blasted Lands, and then over to Grom’gol to catch the zeppelin up to Orgrimmar.  On the way I hear tell she promised home-knit sweaters to a couple of the Grom’grol guards and one of the goblins on the zeppelin, because, you know, you really need a sweater when it starts getting nippy out there in the tropical jungle.  I bet most of the problems the Darkspear ended up having in Stranglethorn could have been cleared right up if someone had through to crank out a few cardigans.

So we finally got her up here to Orgrimmar, and I have to admit, I was kind of hoping that she would be at least a LITTLE impressed with the place, or with me being Warchief, but oh no.  First thing she comments on is how we’re still under construction even with the Cataclysm happening however many months ago, and how it wasn’t even that big of a cataclysm, not like in her day when Draenor literally got ripped into pieces, and us young ’uns have it so easy thinking a few earthquakes and some tidal waves count as a capital-C definite-article The Cataclysm – and meanwhile they had their settlements rebuilt in a few weeks.  Which, everything else aside, yeah, like I needed another reminder of how those goblins are seriously taking their damn time on the construction work.

Oh wait, hold on, let me correct that.  That wasn’t the first thing she commented on.  No, the FIRST thing she commented on was the ritual tattoos I’ve gotten since the last time she saw me, like “Oh, is this what you kids are doing nowadays?  All these young people running around with their tattoos, calling them ‘ritual’ and acting like that means they’re in touch with the ancestors.  I know my ancestors knew the actual rituals.  You know they’re only going to stretch and sag as you get older, don’t you?  Don’t say I didn’t warn you…”  Oh and then there were the pieces of Mannoroth’s tusks that I wear on my shoulders – “You wear those to work?  For important meetings and everything?”  And when I pointed out how they’re from Mannoroth, who killed my FATHER, and how I’d used parts of the pit lord’s remains to fashion the shoulders and my throne in Grommash Hold, all I got for that was “You don’t think that’s a little tacky?”

Also, as if all that wasn’t fun enough, for the first two days pretty much all I heard about was Thrall and how proud she is of him for saving the world from Deathwing and how great it is that he and Aggra are having a baby and by the way WHEN THE HELL WAS THRALL GOING TO TELL ME ABOUT THAT?!  First the wedding and now this, the FUCK, man?  And anyway, that was all kinds of fun, being reminded on and on about how awesome Thrall is, and how happy she is that she’s finally going to have great-grandchildren.  And then she made some mention about how apparently Kilrath has a daughter around my age that she wants me to meet, and yeah that was all kinds of awkward.  Ugh.

Over the next few days a bunch of the other Horde leaders came by to meet her and pay their respects, which I’ll admit was pretty cool of them, and she seemed to like Baine especially, gave him the whole “nice young man” deal that old ladies love to throw around.  And everyone was nice to her, don’t get me wrong, but like…I mean, I know I can get cranky sometimes, but I really try to watch my mouth around Greatmother.  Not least of all because if she catches me swearing she used to give me a good hard yank by my ponytail, which was one of the main reasons I cut it off eventually, but I’m also not in much of a hurry to find out what she would come up with for Plan B now that it’s gone.  So anyway, I try to rein it in when I’m around her, but I swear the other leaders were making a point of giving me bad news in front of her and just generally saying things to see if they could set me off.  Vol’jin especially.  Meanwhile Greatmother just seemed to get a kick out of everyone.  I don’t think she’s really clear on what the Forsaken actually are, though, what with her calling Sylvanas “that nice elf girl” that seems like she could use some sun.  (More like she could use some SunWELL, am I right?  OH YEAH I WENT THERE.)  I’m thinking it’s just as well that I don’t clear that one up for her.

Anyway, that’s a sampling of my week, and I’m sure I’ll roll out a few more stories about it if you want to hear, maybe toss a few quotable quotes in the Twitter feed or something (#shitmygreatmothersays maybe).  For right now, though, she just left to head back to Nagrand, so if you’ll excuse me, I have a tavern to go visit.

 

 

[Header image provided by Khizzara from Blog of the Treant, used here with permission and many thanks.]

Mission accomplished

Posted in General with tags , , , , , , , , , on February 29, 2012 by Garrosh Hellscream

Let’s get right down to brass tacks – Deathwing is dead!

Good job, Horde, I definitely probably couldn’t have done it without you.  Well, I could have, but it would have been a way bigger headache.

From what I hear, at the very end Deathwing managed to step it up from standard crazy to hoo-boy molten tentacly super-crazy, but Thrall and the Dragon Aspects (now emeritus) were able to supercharge the Dragon Soul and go all kablooey on his ass.

The former Aspects came to Orgrimmar yesterday to deliver a piece of Deathwing’s jaw as a trophy (although let’s be honest, they could probably give a piece of Deathwing’s jaw to everyone they meet individually and still have plenty left over for the Wyrmrest gift shop – have you SEEN that dude’s jaw?).  Thrall wasn’t able to make it because of something or other he needed to go back to Nagrand for with Aggra, but it was still cool to meet Alexstrasza, Nozdormu, Kalecgos, and Ysera.

Maybe not so much Kalecgos, actually.  He was kind of mopey and whiney the whole time (you could say he was BLUE – GET IT? HAHA I crack myself up sometimes).  Apparently he only had like a week left on his Aspect probationary period.  I guess he just missed logging enough hours on the job for his pension to kick in.  Kinda sucks, but I guess that’s the risk you take when you apply for a funding-conditional job.

Alexstrasza seemed cool and all, once you get past her apparently shopping at the same Respect My Strength But Look at These! outlet that Sylvanas goes to, but I’m also wondering if she just has trouble controlling whatever hocus-pocus she has going on.  At one point Eitrigg’s pet worg went up to her and rolled onto its side.  Alexstrasza obliged and rubbed its belly a little.  Now the worg’s pregnant.  Way to not know you own strength there, Life-Binder.

Anyway, they tell me they’re all going into semi-retirement now, and really, after thousands of years on the job (well, other than Kalecgos, but we’ve already covered that) they’ve probably earned some down time.  Also this way the chances are much lower that another one of them will eventually go crazy and make us have to kill them.  Well, except for Nozdormu, where we’ve pretty much already established that the chance is like 100%.  So it goes.

 

 

[Header image provided by Khizzara from Blog of the Treant, used here with permission and many thanks.]

WTF!!

Posted in General with tags , , , , , , , , on September 22, 2011 by Garrosh Hellscream

THRALL GOT MARRIED?!

So I KNEW something was going on with him and Aggralan.  I even tried warning him it wouldn’t be a good idea, seeing as I remembered her from Nagrand, and I mean she’s okay and everything, when she dies she’s going right to the honored dead, but holy crap the spirits are going to have their hands full with the yap yap YAP.  Preachiest bitch this side of Rhonin, let me tell you.  Not that he listened to me anyway.  But whatever.

But MARRIED?  The FUCK, dude?!  And I don’t get invited?!  FUCKING ANTLERS McBEARDYFACE GETS A FRONT-ROW SEAT, and I don’t even get a fucking wedding announcement?  Hell, not even Antlers – his high priestess chick too?!  TELL ME WHAT SOUNDS WRONG HERE: “Thrall is getting married today and a grand total of ONE racial leader will be in attendance…and that one is FUCKING ALLIANCE”!!

Oh, wait, hold up a second, you want to know how I even FOUND OUT about this?  WHEN ALL THE FUCKING WEDDING GIFTS STARTED POURING INTO GROMMASH HOLD BECAUSE YOUR DAMN FORWARDING ADDRESS EXPIRED!!  How’s THAT for a fucking kick in the nuts?  “Oh, look, someone sent me a Foreman Thazz’ril Mean Lean Goblin Barbeque Machine, that’s really cool, oh wait, it’s addressed to Thrall, ‘Congratulations on your union, may you and Aggra enjoy a lifetime of joy’, the FUCK?!”

Not to mention, dude, I don’t even get to throw you a fucking bachelor party?  Have you never BEEN to Silvermoon??

P.S.  Note to Jaina Proudmoore, on the off chance she can see this:  HAH!  Suffer!

 

 

[Header image provided by Rioriel from Postcards From Azeroth, reproduced here with permission and many thanks.  Click here to see the souped-up Postcard version!]