Archive for where’s garrosh?

Monday mailbag

Posted in Mailbag with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 20, 2012 by Garrosh Hellscream

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Okay, so finally I can get to normal business like answering my reader mail!  As a matter of fact, there’s a TON of it that’s piled up while I was away, so it’s probably going to take some doing to get through it all.  So here we go…

 

Hail, Acting Warchief!

I look forward to Garrosh’s speedy return. This is a continuation of an earlier question our esteemed Warchief answered for me, that I have discovered new information about.

To recap: I was confused about the use of flags to mark supply drops in Ashenvale, and the capture thereof to interfere with enemy resupply. Originally, my question was how this behavior had spread to the Dragonmaw as well. Recently, I had the opportunity to put the question to a Dragonmaw quartermaster … and the answer is head-slappingly obvious in hindsight.

Twilight Highlands is nowhere near as congested as Ashenvale. But, it is ABSOLUTELY ankle-breaker country. You’re not getting anything in by land. At least, not without losing a lot if it to ambush.

So, yeah. Stealing the enemy’s flags makes excellent sense here, too.

And best wishes for our Warchief’s return to duty. If there is anything this Blood Knight can do to assist, I can be found at the Wayfarer’s Rest in Silvermoon, when I’m not on-call with the Horde Medical Corps.

–A Concerned Citizen

Huh.  Okay, I guess this one was a leftover letter for Saurfang from when he was minding the shop.

Anyway, though, ACC, good to hear from you again.  And yeah, I guess it makes sense that the Dragonmaw would be adopting the same flag-marking methods that we were originally using in Warsong Gulch.  I’m actually kind of relieved that there’s some sense behind what they’re doing, considering how lately the Dragonmaw have been…um…kind of shaky in terms of how on top of things they seem to be.

Don’t get me wrong, I like Zaela and all.  She’s a good warrior.  But you know, there’s a difference between being a good warrior and being a good person to have in charge of things, you know?  And like, with Zaela, sheesh.  Not the brightest bulb.  If there’s a big fight coming, sure thing, I want her fighting on my side.  But if there’s something going on that requires you to have your wits about you, or able to wrap your brain around something bigger than “me see, me smash”?  Yeah, not so much.

 

Greetings again, Your Warchieferousness!

Thank you for your reply re: the housing issue in Orgrimmar. It’s unfortunate that you can’t solve this issue with the same speed with which former acting Warchief Hellscream created it, by unilateral fiat – but then I suppose if he had bothered to investigate before spewing his frankly racist edict we wouldn’t have this problem, would we? I shall, as suggested, look into Razor Hill in the interim.

With regards to to baking, I’m afraid my skills in that area of cooking extend little past spice bread and tasty cupcakes – like many self-employed aggressive problem solvers, my culinary skills revolve around making use of things I slaughter horribly on my travels. Also, as a Knight of the Ebon Blade I bear the “blessing” of the Lich King in the form of an unfortunate addiction to causing pain and suffering … there are ways and means to alleviate it, but you may wish to avoid my cooking.

Regarding the issue of pseudonyms, I think I’ll pass – every second Death Knight Arthas raised during the Battle for Light’s Hope decided that being Joe Smith, formerly of Goldshire, was not sufficiently “grimdark” enough for a soldier in the Lich King’s service, and changed his name to “Darkreaper of the Nightfall” or something similarly pretentious and absurd. Some of them, seeking to emphasize their existence as agents of the Lich King’s will, changed their names to “Arthas”! Not that they can spell it, mind. I suspect the Lich King left them too long before he raised them.

(Koltira “Deathweaver”? Used to be Koltira Twillweaver, of Goldenmist Village. Though he was a pretentious ass then, too.)

Yours,

Twilight Vanquisher Aimee

Knight of the Ebon Blade (still not the cake vendor)

Still the Goblin Frickin’ Slums

The FUCK is this?!  Okay so this is another one for Saurfang I guess, I get that, fine, makes sense he’d have some follow-up mail from the last few weeks…but DUDE!  How much hate mail was he GETTING about me?!  Frankly racist edict by unilateral fiat WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN MEAN!!

But ANYWAY, as far as YOU go, Aimee (OH NO, look out, AIMEE is pissed at me – watch out or she might write an angsty mid-tempo acoustic guitar ballad about me and take me down a few pegs with her bitter understated irony!), you go right on ahead and find yourself a nice comfy place down in Razor Hill.  Keep an eye on the kids down there while you’re at it, that should be a job you can stay on top of no problem.  In the meantime we orcs and tauren will take care of the real job of defending Orgrimmar, Corpsey McBoneyknees.

Anyway, there’s got to be some mail in here somewhere that’s actually for ME…

 

Hi Omgipwnedurface,

Just thought you should know you’ve been kicked from the guild.  You should have been trying to make a good impression if you wanted to pass your trial, but you haven’t given us any reason to keep you.  You didn’t show up for two raids you signed up for and you haven’t logged on for, like, weeks.  It’s really inconsiderate to just disappear without warning and leave us hanging like that.  Would have been nice for you to at least drop us a note before you vanished.

Good luck finding a new guild,

Manageurdeath

Guild Leader

[West Coast Avengers]

THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT?!?!

Okay, okay, so for anyone who’s not connecting the dots yet – this guy is my guild leader (or, well, he WAS my guild leader) from the Earth Online guild I just joined.  Well, the guild I just joined as of like a month ago, right before the whole Alcaz Island deal.  I haven’t logged on since I’ve been back, what with me being a little busy PUTTING MY LIFE BACK IN ORDER, but APPARENTLY I’ve just been kicked out of the guild!

Because yeah, you know what, you’re right, Manageurdeath, that was really inconsiderate for me not to give you guys a heads up that I was going to be away a few weeks DUE TO BEING FUCKING KIDNAPPED!  Oh wait, did I mention the part where I was dragged to a Twilight’s Hammer stronghold where I was going to be used in a fucking BLOODLETTING CEREMONY to have the FUCKING SPIRIT OF CHO’GALL BURN OUT MY SOUL AND TAKE UP RESIDENCE IN MY FUCKING BODY?  Did I mention that part??

You’re right, dude, I TOTALLY should have cleared this with you to make sure it would be adequate justification for me missing out on the fucking Board of Directors raid we had scheduled!

HOLY FUCKING FUCK’S SAKE.

Actually, you know what, hold on.  I need to find Spazzle for a second.  You guys hold tight for a minute.  Here, funny video to kill some time while I’m doing this:

OKAY, so I just tracked down Spazzle and had him trace that e-mail from the guild guy to find out where this fucker is from.  I was expecting him to be from someplace way out in the middle of nowhere, where he’s got nothing to do but play this game and think he’s all hot shit for being the guild leader, because for fuck’s sake guild leaders always seem so fucking full of themselves, but anyway, check THIS out – turns out this guy is logging on from Theramore.

FUCKING THERAMORE.

The guild I was in was being run by some goddamn fucking ALLIANCE, and not even an Alliance from someplace fucking IMPORTANT, no, run by an Alliance stuck out in the run-down town out in the middle of the fucking swamp where there’s nothing for those assholes to do but bang Jaina all day, only THIS fucker doesn’t even seem to be able to pull THAT off seeing as he’s fucking logged onto the game 37 hours a day!

So you know what, I’ll tell you this, Manageurdeath, I don’t know who you are exactly, but I’m going to fucking find out, and WHOEVER you are, mark my words, you have fucked with the WRONG ORC.  Enjoy your little podunk swamp town while you can, because I’m telling you right now, somehow, someday, I am going to open up such a can of fucking DISASTER on that place, you and all your little Jainabanging friends aren’t going to know what even fucking HIT you.  YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

UGH.  Okay, so there’s still a pretty big pile of mail, but I’m in NO mood to deal with any more of this shit today, so I promise I’ll answer as much of it as I can next Monday.  In the meantime, keep it coming.  I’ll talk to you all later when I’m not dreaming dreams of ruins in the fucking swamp.

UGH!!!

Filling in the gaps

Posted in General with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 19, 2012 by Garrosh Hellscream

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Okay, I was planning on writing this a lot earlier, but I ended up sleeping WAY late that first night back in Orgrimmar, which had me up late last night, and blah blah, up-late-sleeping-in domino effect.  Any of you who’ve gotten into a late-nighter groove on Earth Online know the drill.  Anyway, I’m back in Grommash Hold finally and settled in, and HOLY SHIT it’s good to be able to crash in my own bed again.

So I’m figuring you’re all probably wondering what was going on on my end of things since the last time I posted.  Saurfang and Garona have been giving me the run-down about their side, but I’m still in the process of getting caught up on what Saurfang was posting here while I was out of it.  Anyway, let me try to fill in what I can and maybe fill some gaps for you guys.

Last time you heard from me I was flying down to Alcaz Island.  When I got to the island, Dontrag and Utvoch were still just chilling at one of those naga conjuring rune circles with Skarr, and so I figured I’d gotten there in time to get a jump on things.  Before I could get my bearings, though, a gang of tauren led by Magatha Grimtotem showed up and attacked.  At the time I assumed they were Grimtotem, but from the sound of things now, they must have been Twilights and just happened to be tauren.  Probably hand-picked, actually, so they could seem like they were Grimtotem.  Maybe.  Anyhow, they attacked, and somehow or other Skarr managed to get loose not long after.  Magatha was hanging back some and I could hear her chanting something, but I was a little too focused on the couple dozen dudes I had beating on me at the time, so I wasn’t really paying too much attention to it.

What happened next is still pretty fuzzy.  All of a sudden there was a blinding flash, and I remember being thrown back a long ways.  I think I hit my head on a tree or rock as I was falling back, but before I passed out I remember seeing a lot of the other tauren and maybe D&U getting thrown around by the blast.  I don’t remember seeing Skarr from that point – I think he was the explosion.  Looking back on it based on what Saurfang’s told me, I guess he must have been walking around with some kind of explosive enchantment, and Magatha detonated him when she arrived.  So he really was a time bomb, just a lot more literal than I was figuring.

And for that matter…turns out I was right, just not for the right reasons.  I thought Skarr was the phylactery, and we’d gotten baited into a trap bringing him out in the open.  Well, we got baited into a trap, all right.  But Skarr wasn’t the phylactery.  He never was.  He was the bait.

The next several…days, I guess? I’m not sure…were a blur.  All I can remember is bits and pieces.  Being picked up and dragged around, sounds of the ocean, grunting from ogres and ettin…that sulphury smell from the incense that the Twilights always seem to have burning all over the place.  Purplish walls.  I don’t know how long I was out before I finally came around for good.  Even then I felt pretty groggy, so I’m figuring the fuckers were using some kind of magical mojo on me to keep me subdued.

When I finally came around, I was in the Bastion of Twilight.  Magatha was running the show.  Which, considering the place was obviously overrun by Twilights and not Grimtotem, didn’t make a whole lot of sense to me.  But man, was she ever proud of herself for having me under wraps.  I had a few choice words for her…okay, you know me better than that, I had a few choice paragraphs for her…but after I got the initial outrage out of my system (which granted took a while), I managed to get her monologuing.  Thank goodness for villains who can’t fight the urge to run their mouths, that’s all I’m going to say.

So come to find out, Magatha cooked up the story about the phylactery and fed it to the other Grimtotem through Arnak Grimtotem and Isha Gloomaxe, had her people running around making trouble for the ogres under the pretense of finding it, knowing that sooner or later word would get back to the Twilights and they would be all “WTF there’s no phylactery, is this bitch crazy?”  Which okay, she is, but whatever.  Arnak and Isha were the only other Grimtotem who ever knew the real story, or part of it, anyway – there was no phylactery, it was just Magatha’s way to get the Twilight’s Hammer’s attention and bait them into coming for her.  Which they did, in Thousand Needles.  And when they raided the Grimtotem and captured Magatha to interrogate her, they were really doing exactly what she wanted.

Once she was the Twilights’ “prisoner,” that put Magatha in a position to make them an offer they couldn’t refuse.  Sure, there wasn’t any phylactery, but she HAD found a way they could revive Cho’gall, and she was ready to make them a deal.  All she needed was the Doomstone, which the Twilights already had, that collection of tauren relics, which the Grimtotem already had, and a new body for Cho’gall spirit to set up shop in.

On the drawing board, that was going to be Skarr – THAT was his special duty, the job Cho’gall had in mind for him.  Somehow or other Cho’gall knew it could be possible to bring him back in a new body if need be, and had Skarr in mind to be the one, which a handful of those Gordunni ogres were aware of even if Cho’gall didn’t spread word around among the cult in general.  Who knows, maybe one of Magatha’s tribesmen in Feralas got wind of this from the ogres somehow, and that’s what got the call rolling on this idea in the first place.  Anyway…

The only thing that was missing was Magatha’s end of the deal.  I’ll give her this much, she’s no idiot, and she knew better than to trust the Twilights to hold up their end of the bargain if she went ahead and gave them Cho’gall up front.  So that was her one ace in the hole: she was the only one they knew of who could do it, and they weren’t getting any resurrection until she’d gotten her payoff.  As far as the other Grimtotem were concerned, the payoff was help in regaining power, retaking the Grimtotem’s lost territory…but in reality, Magatha knew that was a lost cause.  For now anyway.  The Grimtotem were reduced to bands of renegades, they were banished from tauren society and cast out of the Horde, they couldn’t even get the Alliance to give them the time of day…there was too much lost and too many enemies stacked against them for them to hold on very long even IF the Twilights helped them regain a foothold.  Better to let the Twilights get Cho’gall back, and let the world burn.  At least her enemies would burn with it.

But what she wanted was to be sure one enemy in particular would be the first to go down.

Remember that letter I wrote to Magatha, when she asked me for help in her coup in Thunder Bluff, and I told her where she could stick it?

Yeah.  Guess who.

That’s when they started letting information about all of this start reaching us, to set off their plan to lure me out.  Eventually when we went after Skarr, they started putting the pieces in place for a backup plan that would let them kill two birds with one stone – let us get Skarr, feed us more information through him, then set me up to be captured…and then put me into the Skarr role as Cho’gall’s future place of residence.  A live Cho’gall and a dead Garrosh all in one fell swoop.  Cho’gall’s revived spirit would take over, my soul would be burned up by the restoration – “consumed by the fires of resurrection” as she put it – and my body would be corrupted into something more “suitable” for him.  Fun stuff.

Eventually they even had good luck on their side.  In my stupidity, I sent that fucker Johnny Awesome to Thousand Needles, where the Twilights were still holding Magatha in “protective custody,” which gave her an opening to round up all the magical doohickeys she needed and cover her tracks all at the same time.  I mean, think of it – at this point she was ALREADY basically screwing over her own tribe for the sake of helping the Twilights burn the world down.  So now rather than having to come up with another cover story to keep leading the other Grimtotem on, she just sent Johnny Awesome to round up the stuff she needed from them, then got him to KILL Arnak and Isha, the only Grimtotem who knew anything at all about what Magatha was really up to in the first place.  And then he comes back, “steals” the Doomstone for her, and sends her off on her way, so as far as anyone can tell, she’s just ESCAPED the Twilights rather than working with them.

Gotta admit, this is all so sly and sneaky I’d actually be kind of impressed, if it wasn’t all so totally revolting.

Anyway…you can probably see how everything played out from there, the trap-within-a-trap at Alcaz Island, and all the rest.  Which brings us back to me being held in the Bastion of Twilight.

Eventually a couple of ettin dragged me out of my cell and set me up in a scaffold in the middle of Cho’gall’s old throne room.  Still a little groggy from whatever spells they’d been casting on me, but I guess they needed me conscious for the big pay-off.  Either that or Magatha wanted me awake so I could feel every last bit of it.  Probably both.  The scaffolding actually didn’t feel THAT tight, and the wood seemed to have a little give to it, but I wasn’t sure how much time I was going to have to struggle with it at that point.

Anyway, Magatha stood up beside me with the Doomstone in hand, tauren relics set up all around us, and started doing some incantations that who the fuck knows what they meant.  Apparently the ritual called for some kind of ritual bloodletting (blood is life or some shit like that), and since Magatha wasn’t exactly one to turn up a chance to rub some salt in the would, she had the cultists bring her Gorehowl – she was going to spill my blood with my own axe.  And then, just to add insult to injury…wait, no, she was already adding insult to injury…to add extra insult to insult and injury, she decides she has to get her last jab in, and says something along the lines of, “Fitting, isn’t it, a little loosed blood sets you on your way to becoming a monster that will lay waste to your world…like father, like son, eh, Hellscream?”

And I’m not going to lie to you – THAT?  That pissed me.  The fuck.  OFF.

And seriously, when you’re trying to finish an old-school warrior, Magatha, what’s the one thing you never want to fucking do?  Yeah.  Feed him extra free rage.

Crack.

Snap.

Broken scaffold.

Pummeled tauren bitch crone, flying across the room.  Gorehowl back in the right hands, and a whole room full of Twilights running in to take a number at the deli counter OF MOTHERFUCKING PAIN.

Just so happens, as I was starting to fight my way back out, Saurfang and the rest were making their way in.  I think they might have run into a couple batches of cultists that Magatha sent back out to the exit to secure the way out while I was on the move.  Kinda wish I’d been there to see the looks on their faces when they came out of the portal, actually.  “Okay, guys, we’ll just lock this down and WHERE THE FUCK DID THIS OTHER ARMY COME FROM **CLEAVE**”

So…I think that covers everything.  I probably missed a few details here and there, but fuck, this was long enough already, no need to go piling on more.  Anyway I can try to answer any left over questions you guys might have.  Otherwise, it’s going to be good to get back to semi-normal life, answer my mail, all that good stuff.  I’ll write more soon, about some less apocalypsey stuff.

I’ll say this much, though.  Magatha’s day is coming.  I can take some comfort in knowing that now she’s probably an even greater outcast, even more alone, than she’s ever been, now that she’s not only an exile from the tauren, but she’s even betrayed the one remaining tribe that would have had her.  But this?  Just wait till I finally get my hands on her, and get a chance to crush her under my heel.  CRUSH her.  See if the elements protect her then.  Crush and burn and drown and suffocate.  ‘Tis a little dream I have.

More soon.  And also, um…yeah.  Thanks for coming after me.

Live Blog: Storming the Bastion

Posted in From the Desk of Saurfang with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 17, 2012 by Garrosh Hellscream

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Citizens of the Horde,

I write to you today from our staging ground at the Twilight Citadel.  As you are no doubt aware, as I write these words to you, we are about to launch our incursion into the Bastion of Twilight; once underway, my chirographically proficient aide Mokvar will continue to update this space to keep you all informed of our progress – a process I am told is generally referred to as “live blogging.”  Before passing full control of our communication over to Mokvar, I am taking the liberty here of offering these opening remarks to set the stage, as it were.

I arrived at Twilight Highlands with several Kor’kron detachments late last night, and immediately prepared our forces to move on the Bastion of Twilight.  Zaela offered Dragonmaw support for our operation, even volunteering to accompany us herself; I cordially declined the offer – I believe my exact words were “I think you’ve done enough already, thank you” – and suggested that Zaela and her troops instead stake out the Twilight Citadel perimeter, a baby-steps measure of safeguarding from which she might benefit from practice.

[Never send a Dragonmaw to do a Saurfang’s job.  –Mkvr., ed.]

 

It’s over to me now, by the way, so I guess I don’t really need the usual brackets.  Mokvar here.  I’ll try to keep posting these quickly.  It’s going to depend on what’s going on at the time, obviously, but I’ll try to stay on task.  Hopefully this will go well.

Keep refreshing this page to update – I’ll be continually adding to the post as we go along.

 

8:02 PM - Zoning into the Bastion now.  We’ll see how this goes…

 

8:05 PM – All troops are inside.  Already a bit pecular — there are corpses of a couple of cultists here by the entrance.  They don’t seem like they’ve been dead for very long.  We’re moving in further into the major chamber.

8:08 PM – Well that explains that.  In the big room just inside the Bastion, there were two more dead cultists, then on the far end of the room yet another one dead, along with one live Twilight cultist — in the middle of combat with Garona. She seemed like she was doing fine by herself, but Saurfang and the closest batch of Kor’kron jumped in to help finish the cultist off.  It bears noting — he got the most hilarious look of “Oh, come ON” on his face just before they dropped him.

 

8:10 PM – Also, I just have to ask: don’t these guards look around at all?  That is, sure, the cultists that Garona attacked before we got here were stationed in pairs, but they were also all within eyeshot of each other.  Isn’t it kind of strange that each pair pretty much stood around keeping to themselves while Garona was killing their friends at the other end of the room?  Just sayin’.

 

8:14 PM – Garona says she stealthed ahead to check out more of the Bastion before we got here.  According to her, most of the cultists that are here seem to be clustered near Cho’gall’s old command room — the Throne of the Apocalypse.  She says there were enough there packed close enough together that she didn’t want to risk stealthing in any further.  There weren’t many Twilight’s Hammer people elsewhere in the place, other than these groups of guards near the entrance, so she decided to come back here first to make sure she’d cleared an escape path for herself just in case.

 

8:16 PM – Moving on further now with Garona on board.

 

8:17 PM – Hang on, AFK – combat!!

 

8:20 PM – Sorry, back.

We were about to head down the next hallway, but a portal opened up near the entrance, and about a dozen Twilight cultists came through and came running up on us from behind.  Contrary to what you might think, crazed apocalyptic world-destroying lunatics don’t have the basic manners to lay off the guy in the back who’s just trying to mind his own business and write.

Anyway, Saurfang and the other made pretty short work of them just the same.  I think we’re clear now. 

 

8:21 PM – Spoke too soon.  Another wave coming through the portal!  Stand by.

 

8:22 PM – Seriously, why do these Twilight people always insist on coming at Saurfang in twos?  After all this time, does the word “CLEAVE” really not ring any bells to these people?

 

8:25 PM – Give up your futile struggle, doomed fools!  All is but chaos and darkness!  The Hour of Twilight shall fall, and the sun shall set on your mortal realm!  Accept the inevitable and embrace the end as we have!

 

8:27 PM – Yikes, sorry!  one of those damn cultists freaking mind-controlled me for a minute there!

Funny he would make me write that, though, rather than, say, try to stab somebody.  Then again, I guess even these cultists need an outlet sometimes.  That and they’re insane.

 

8:29 PM – Cultists taken out.  We’ve only lost two Kor’kron so far, so we’re handling them pretty well.  Still, we’re going to hold position here and watch that portal.  That’s two waves of cultists that have come through, so we don’t want to move on right off and be taken by surprise.

 

8:33 PM – Nothing coming from the portal so far.  Saurfang has decided to leave a group here to stand guard while the rest of us use the portal and see what’s going on on the other end, wherever it is.

Saurfang’s also making a big point of us all going through together, and how he doesn’t want to go through, find himself in a room with a hundred cultists, look around, and see he’s all by himself.

I asked if he was worried he would be overwhelmed.

He said no, he just figures that that would give him a huge head start on the scoreboard and he wants to play fair by the rest of us.

Damn I love Saurfang.

 

8:41 PM – We’ve just gone through the portal, and this is a little eerie.  The portal took us all the way to the heart of the Bastion — straight to Cho’gall’s old command room, the Throne of the Apocalypse.  Based on the waves of cultists that were coming through the portal just a few minutes ago, I was expecting us to be swimming in them when we came out on this side, but strangely enough, the throne room is empty.

Empty, and a mess.  The place is still in tatters from Cho’gall’s last battle here.  The huge hole in the floor, leading down to Sinestra’s lair in the Twilight Caverns below, is still there and visible, but it’s been more or less covered by a series of wooden planks and platforms.  All around the room there are different pieces of conjuring paraphenalia, much like the junk the Twilight’s Hammer had down in Ahn’Qiraj, only here it looks to be strewn all over the place, some of it broken.  In the middle of the room there’s a heavy wooden prisoner’s scaffold — broken as well, nearly cracked into splinters in some spots.  There look to be broken chains laying around it on the ground as well.

The biggest eye-catcher, though, is the fact that the room is littered with bodies — cultists of all races, several ettin, a handful of ogres.  Most of the bodies look to be recently dead, many of them still seeping blood across the floor.

We’ve only just had enough time to take all this in, and now we’re hearing some commotion going on a ways down the hall, heading back out from the throne room.  We’re on our way out now.  Stand by.

 

8:44 PM – Just made our way through the Sanctum of the Ascended.  Three more dead ettin here, and no shortage of blodd spattered all around.  We’re still hearing noise from further out, but it sounds like we’re getting closer.

Saurfang and Garona are picking up the pace and growing visibly fired up by all this, and I can’t really blame them, considering the short list of candidates who could have a hand in this much damage…

 

8:46 PM – Heading down into the Twilight Enclave now — this is definitely where the noise is coming from.

 

8:50 PM – HOLY CRAP, they have a gronn!!  (By the way, weren’t there only supposed to be a handful of gronn in existence?  How do these Twilight Highlands cultists keep digging up extras?)  Anyway, this one is pretty much as big as a gronn could get and still fit in here.  It’s blocking the view of the far exit, and it’s got a gang of cultists swarming around it — not swarming like they’re attacking the gronn, but swarming like they’re all on the same side against a shared target, in the doorway.

 

8:53 PM – Okay, time to settle your bets on this one — it’s Garrosh!

Also worth noting that we were finally able to see him in the doorway because he just bladestormed down like half a dozen of the cultists.

And, with a patented “You answer to Saurfang now!” from the overlord, here we go!

 

8:56 PM – Well, here we were going to go.  Just as we were starting to charge in, we suddenly found ourselves rooted in place by some kind of slowing field, then guess who comes swooping in on that freaky wind serpent of hers?  Magatha Grimtotem herself!  (Nerf earthbind totems!)

 

8:59 PM – A large chunk of the cultists broke off to attack our group.  Including, you guessed it, two who ran right at Saurfang.  Together.  Why, seriously, why?

Meanwhile, Magatha’s landed and taken out a glowing, pulsating orb — is that the Doomstone?  She’s chanting something and the orb is glowing brighter.

 

9:02 PM – …Only nobody really noticed that Garona was unaccounted for, and she just popped out of stealth behind Magatha!  Stunlock!  And pissed-off stunlock too, from the looks of it!  Ha!  (Nerf rogues!)

 

9:04 PM – Another bladestorm from Garrosh, and now it’s just down to him and the gronn.  The only other cultists left are the ones busy fighting the Kor’kron…and they could probably be holding their own okay if it weren’t for the old guy cleaving his way through them.

 

9:05 PM – Crap.  Saurfang managed to close in on the gronn to help Garrosh, but the gronn must have heard him coming because it just turned around and hit him with some kind of shockwave effect, which did a knockback on Saurfang and threw straight back into Garona.

 

9:09 PM – Okay, mixed bag here.

The good: Throwing down that shockwave distracted the gronn just enough that Garrosh was able to get a few good hits in on him, and by the time it got its bearing back, it was short…um…an arm.

Now — YEAH! — short a head!

The bad: Saurfang getting flung into Garona kept her from doing her stun-lock thing, so now Magatha is back up and remounted on her blasted wind serpent.

 

9:13 PM – With the gronn dead and the cultists pretty well under control, Magatha tried flying out the doorway away from us — as she swooped by, though, Garrosh managed to leap up and catch the wind serpent’s tail.  Magath kept going and she’s carrying him with her away from the Enclave.  Saurfang and Garona have collected themselves and the bunch of us who aren’t locked down the remaining cultists are heading up after them.

 

9:20 PM – We’ve made it back up to Wyrmbreaker’s Rookery.  Magatha’s wind serpent is zig-zagging around, and it looks kind of shaky so maybe Garrosh has gotten in a few good swings on it while he’s been holding on.  Still, though, between the wind serpent thrashing around and Magatha letting loose some lightning bolts, they just managed to shake Garrosh loose and dropped him on the rookery balcony, overlooking the Highlands.

Magatha pulled away with the wind serpent, but then she just stopped and pulled the Doomstone out again.  I couldn’t hear from here, but she started saying something, maybe another one of her chants, and the stone started glowing insanely brightly in rapid pulses.  Then she hit Garrosh with one more lightning bolt — looks like he just shook that one off mostly — and threw the Doomstone down on the balcony.  It gave off an energy burst when it landed that pushed Garrosh back a few feet.  It’s pulsing faster and brighter now, and giving out a humming that’s getting louder by the second.

 

9:24 PM – Crap, I think Magatha just overcharged the Doomstone!  The pulsing is more like a strobe effect now, and the buzzing noise is going right through my ears.  Magatha’s flown off from the overlook on her wind serpent, but right now I think we’ve got bigger things to worry about — Saurfang just grabbed Garona to pull her back and shoved everyone back from balcony.

 

9:25 PM – Yep, it’s gonna blow!  If I’m still too close give my internet router to Spazzle…

 

9:26 PM – Garrosh jumped!  He just jumped off the balcony to get clear of the blast!

 

9:30 PM – OW, my ears.  And my eyes, too, for that matter.  Wow that was explosion was sensory overload… Going to need a minute to steady myself here…

The explosion pretty much took out the entire balcony…there are chunks of the floor and walls still crumbling and breaking loose…cracks all around the room are going to make the place pretty unstable to move around in.

Saurfang just did a quick head count to make sure the bunch of us were okay.  Garona’s already making her way over toward the ledge to see if there was anything down below for Garrosh to have grabbed on to…

 

9:34 PM – HA!  The wyvern!  Garrosh just came floating on up into view on his wyvern!  It must have been flying around the Bastion and caught him when he jumped off!  See, see, I told him it was a good-looking animal back in Ashenvale, but does anyone listen to me?  Nooo.

Um, I mean, yeah!  Garrosh is safe!

 

9:40 PM – Whew…. Okay, so we’ve gotten the cultists cleaned up, and Garrosh had landed and rejoined us (not too close to the cracked and unstable falling-apart room, mind you).  Saurfang’s in the process of surveying the troops, but just eyeballing it I’d say our casualties were relatively light.  Granted we lost Magatha, and there are still some gaps to fill in about what was going on here, but Garrosh and Saurfang and the rest can worry about that afterward.  For now we’re just concentrating on gathering up and getting ready to bring everyone back home to Orgrimmar.

Stand by a minute, I think Saurfang’s going to want to wrap things up here before we head out.

Also I need to go find some aspirin.

Also Spazzle had better not have made off with my router.

 

Victory is ours, friends!  And so, with Warchief Hellscream returned to us safely, the time has come for me to relinquish the mantle of leadership and return to my post in Northrend.  I wish to thank you all for your support and your courage, and also for continuing to read this space which I have maintained for the Warchief as best I could.  I trust Warchief Hellscream will resume his communication with you in short order, and I am sure he will look forward to hearing from you, his people, as much as you will no doubt look forward to once again benefiting from his sage words.

And with that, people of the Horde, I sign my final note to you.  It has, as always, been an honor to serve with you.

Lok’tar ogar, friends.  Honor go with you all.

 

-Saurfang

Bastion of Twilight — and YOU’RE invited!

Posted in Spazzle Speaks with tags , , , , , , , , , , on February 15, 2012 by Garrosh Hellscream

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What’s up!

Hey all, it’s Spazzle again.  I’m making this update for Warchief Saurfang, since he’s in Twilight Highlands now getting ready for the attack on the Bastion of Twilight.

I talked with him and Mokvar before they left, and convinced them to let me set a special arrangement for the attack.  I know that there are a lot of you who’ve been taking an interest in what’s been going on through all of this, between the Twilight’s Hammer Cho’gall plot, and Magatha, and Garrosh’s disappearance – so I figured, why make you all wait to find out what’s happening after the fact?  So I’ve set things up so that Mokvar will be able to live-blog the entire operation while it’s happening, and you’ll all have the chance to follow along!

So, here’s the deal: Saurfang has the attack planned for this Friday at 8:00pm EST.  Consider this your very own virtual raid invite!  We’ll have a blog post up at that point, and Mokvar will continue updating as the operation unfolds.  Tell your friends!  Spread the word!  Be there to see first-hand (kind of) what happens, live and in person (kind of)!

Spazzle

Highlands Bound

Posted in From the Desk of Saurfang with tags , , , , , , , , , , on February 14, 2012 by Garrosh Hellscream

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Citizens of the Horde,

I have received a coded message from Garona Halforcen:

Saurfang:

Heading to Twilight Highlands ASAP.  Based on information from prisoners, ritual equipment was divided between Silithus and TH to cover “contingencies.”  Info may or may not be reliable.  Information distributed to general cultists may be inaccurate or incomplete.

Will check in with Zaela when able.

-Garona.

I have myself contacted Zaela of the Dragonmaw Clan and, as of a short while ago, Garona is indeed in Twilight Highlands and on the move.  Moreover, Zaela further informs me that there has been increased Twilight activity in the Highlands, particularly in the area surrounding the Twilight Citadel.  I find this news troubling, and more than a little irritating; given the efforts invested by Horde heroes to contain the cult and overthrow its odious Bastion of Twilight, it does not sit well with me to learn that we may actually have allowed the Twilight’s Hammer, in whatever limited numbers, to regain a foothold in their old fortress.  Someone, as the saying goes, really dropped the ball there.

As the unscrupulous ogre Draz’Zilb has been relieved of duty in light of his recent conduct, I have been forced reluctantly to call upon a number of warlocks from the Cleft of Shadow for information on matters necromantic, as I am no longer at all sure what to make of the state of the Cho’gall plot.  According to Grol’dar, the spirit of Cho’gall, even absent a stable phylactery, could be restored to life successfully at the site of his death, provided an adequate repository of necrotic power and a new vessel for the spirit to occupy.

Hardly coincidental, then, that agents of the Twilight’s Hammer appear to be taking renewed interest in the Bastion of Twilight.  I would hazard a guess that our own impatient operative Garona is likewise on her way there, if she is not there already.

If she is already there, in any case, she will not long be there alone.  We set out for the Highlands, friends.  Honor go with us all.

 

-Saurfang

Going Rogue

Posted in From the Desk of Saurfang with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 13, 2012 by Garrosh Hellscream

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Citizens of the Horde,

A peculiar turn of events has taken place in Ahn’Qiraj.  I have just received word from Krug Skullsplit that the impulsive rogue Garona Halforcen has left him in sole charge of our Twilight captives and departed from Silithus.  According to Commander Skullsplit, Garona completed the interrogation of the last of the prisoners – the majority of whom, to her credit, have survived the process – then took off suddenly without explanation, save a rushed indication that she would be in contact with further updates shortly.  As Garona has proven in the past to be a valuable operative, it is my hope that this erratic behavior is well justified and that she will take pains to explain herself soon.

Meanwhile, on the topic of Horde operatives whose work has proven valuable, the prestidigitous ogre Draz’Zilb appealed to me earlier today for permission to undertake his own questioning of our Grimtotem captives, given his expressed prior success in extracting information from members of the tribe.  His suggestion was that he could likely verify the repeated Grimtotem claim that they were uninvolved in and unaware of the aggressions that occurred at Bladefist Bay and, more importantly, Alcaz Island.  I agreed to the ogre’s request, with, as it turns out, mixed results.

On the positive side, we now have fairly reliable confirmation of our original Grimtotem testimony.  None of the Grimtotem tribesmen had any awareness of any of the aforementioned Twilight’s Hammer activity; and the extent of their involvement in the events on Alcaz Island was the sending of a scouting party to the island well before catastrophe struck – scouts who, furthermore, have not been heard from since.  Draz’Zilb’s methods leave me highly…dubious…that this final testimony would be false.  It is, however, these very methods that leave me less than entirely satisfied with this entire undertaking.  Prior to today, I was only aware of the fact of the ogre’s assistance in previous interrogations, and, absent any further, troubling information, I was content to let him proceed with his proposal.  However, upon arriving to observe the questioning in person, I was most thoroughly disturbed by the spectacle that greeted me; by this point, three Grimtotem captives had already died to Draz’Zilb’s particular interrogation “techniques,” and I was quite uninterested in having a fourth life placed indirectly on my conscience.  Let me make no mistake: that we will kill during times of conflict is a matter of necessity; how we will kill is a matter of choice.  And I will not permit such unscrupulous undertakings to tain the honor of the Horde.  No matter how dire the battle, we must never forsake it.

As such, I have relieved Draz’Zilb of his support duties and dispatched him back to Brackenwall Village, where, I am sure, the venerable ogre chief Tharg will tend to him appropriately.  Meanwhile, in light of this confirmation of Grimtotem innocence – a term I use here in its more relative and situationally specific sense – I have begun to make plans to release many of our prisoners, provided a number of containment measures around their various settlements to ensure their ongoing good citizenship.

Once again the old adage proves true, friends: never trust an ogre not to be two-faced when he has two heads.  Honor go with us all.

 

-Saurfang

Draz’Zilb’s Discovery

Posted in From the Desk of Saurfang with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 10, 2012 by Garrosh Hellscream

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Citizens of the Horde,

Some days ago I alluded to a conjuration proposed by the morally tenebrous ogre Draz’Zilb which, performed upon those entities who were in close proximity of the then-hostage Skarr, might cast some light on any magics unleashed on Alcaz Island.  With the unexpected departure of Warchief Hellscream’s personal wyvern – still at large despite our continued efforts to find it – one of our prime subjects was taken from us, but since that time we have had occasion to revisit the conjuration with respect to our other remaining subjects: the omnisyllabically discursive soldiers Dontrag and Utvoch.

After having the procedure explained to them – a process which took no small measure of time, given the pair’s peculiar reluctance to allow Draz’Zilb to complete a sentence unimpeded until I intervened –

[Saurfang doesn’t have to get a word in edgewise.  When he talks, everybody else’s words stop what they were doing and turn into “Yes sir.” –Mkvr., ed.]

the duo were initially uneasy about the ritual, as they indicated some prior experience witnessing the effects of Draz’Zilb’s spellcasting.  After some reassurance, however, we were able to carry on with the process.  The results were revealing, though perplexing.

Draz’Zilb’s original notion was that the proximity of Dontrag and Utvoch (and the wyvern) to Skarr at such time as Cho’gall’s spirit was summoned from within him would leave residual magic traces – aftershocks, in essence – on them that we would then be able to detect.  Draz’Zilb’s divination did indeed detect powerful magical signatures lingering on the pair; based on his examination, however, these magics were not consistent with the unlocking of a living phylactery.  Instead, he believes that the magical effect to which our subjects were exposed was purely explosive in nature – powerfully explosive at that.

While our information is, of course, incomplete at best, Draz’Zilb has suggested that his findings correspond to a sort of magical explosion that can be detonated by feeding off of the life energy of a living being.  Such a measure would not be out of character for the Twilight’s Hammer, as we have had first-hand experience with their willingness to use suicide bombers in their attack on the Doomhammer.  Nevertheless, it leaves us with many questions about what actually occurred to the ogre Skarr: not least among them, of course, being where he was when the detonation occurred, and indeed whether he himself was the instrument of the explosion – and, if so, what are we left to conclude about his role in the revival of Cho’gall?

Dontrag and Utvoch are, sadly, of little aid in filling in the gaps of our knowledge, as it is likely that the explosion incapacitated them prior to their removal to the island’s underground tunnels, and one can hardly expect them to retain clear memories of the final instants immediately prior to the detonation.  I will likely dispatch Krog to the island once more to search for additional evidence, though I am not optimistic about there being anything left after our original exhaustive searches.

I have additional measures to tend to personally for the investigation.  For the moment, however, having just spent much of the day with Dontrag and Utvoch, I believe I will grant myself a brief respite at the Orgrimmar tavern.

[Saurfang doesn’t always drink lager, but when he does, he prefers Captain Rumsey’s. –Mkvr., ed.]

I will update again soon, friends.  Honor go with us all.

 

-Saurfang

Many Questions, No Answers, One Theory

Posted in From the Desk of Saurfang with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 7, 2012 by Garrosh Hellscream

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Citizens of the Horde,

The more I consider our current crisis, the more troubled I become.  Something is amiss, and I am at present at a loss for what precisely lies behind it.

Upon reflection, I have come to realize that our investigations have uncovered a number of loose ends which have proven most disturbing.  Indeed, some of these loose ends were present even before our most recent movements against the Twilight’s Hammer and Grimtotem, but amid the chaotic last days before Warchief Hellscream’s disappearance, it is not difficult to understand how some of them may have escaped our notice.

Let me begin with the most recent wrinkles.  Continued interrogation of both the Twilight’s Hammer and Grimtotem captives by Garona Halforcen and Krog, respectively, have confirmed their early testimony: that the search for the phylactery of Cho’gall appears to have been initiated by Magatha Grimtotem, not the Twilight’s Hammer themselves; that the Twilight’s Hammer then targeted Magatha for capture upon learning of the Grimtotem search, whereupon Magatha agreed to aid in the resurrection of Cho’gall; that, according to both sides, no alliance or agreement has been forged between our two groups of adversaries.

While disturbing in and of themselves, these facts give way upon closer examination to far more troubling questions.  How is it possible, for one, that Magatha Grimtotem could be aware of the phylactery when by all accounts the Twilight’s Hammer cult itself appears to have been unaware?  While it may be that the existence of the phylactery was known by a small, select number of high-ranking cultists, such that the cult en masse would be oblivious, it still strikes me as strange that, once word of Magatha’s undertaking became widespread amongst the cult, such high-ranking members would not have put forth some account within their ranks beyond, it would seem, “Well that’s news to us.”

Furthermore, there is the odd behavior of both the Twilight’s Hammer cult and of Magatha Grimtotem in Thousand Needles.  Consider: if Warchief Hellscream was correct in his shrewd deduction that the linguistically spastic ogre Skarr was in fact the living phylactery of Cho’gall, then this would mean that the Twilight cult always had within its grasp the means of reviving its leader.  As the Warchief rightly worried, this leaves open the question of why they would not make use of the phylactery, with the likely answer being that something else was yet needed before they could do so.  The Warchief’s continued line of thought led him to suspect that perhaps the Doomstone and a collection of tauren artifacts – all collected and delivered to Magatha Grimtotem by the contemptible blood elf Johnny Awesome – comprised the missing piece.  Yet, the Twilight’s Hammer already had the Doomstone in their possession before it was stolen by Johnny Awesome, which means that the cult possessed at the outset access to both the phylactery and to a power source which could be used to harness it.  Therefore, once again, why would they not have used them?

My only explanation here is that the key pieces to the puzzle may have been the collection of tauren relics which were in the hands of the Grimtotem, and which Johnny Awesome recovered at Magatha’s behest.  Another possibility may be that even given the availability of all these resources, perhaps – strange though it may seem – only Magatha possessed the obscure conjuring knowledge to actually make use of them, and so the key to the entire Twilight operation may have been capturing Magatha Grimtotem and gaining her cooperation.  While these suppositions are certainly possible, nevertheless, I am far from comfortable with our current understanding of this facet of these events.

Finally, there is the matter of the attacks launched on the fateful day of Warchief Hellscream’s disappearance.  We have, on the one hand, nearly simultaneous Twilight raids in Ahn’Qiraj and Bladefist Bay, one driving our people from C’thun’s chamber, the other sinking the Doomhammer and preventing its voyage to Alcaz Island; and on the other, we have the attack of Grimtotem raiders against the cacophonous warriors Dontrag and Utvoch in which Skarr was freed.  The problem I have come to realize is twofold: one, in the absence of any alliance between the Twilight’s Hammer and Grimtotem, how do we account for a Twilight’s Hammer attack at Bladefist Bay, whose only rational purpose could have been to facilitate the pending Grimtotem strike at Alcaz Island?  The only plausible explanation I can think of for this is that the Grimtotem attack at the island was not actually staged by Grimtotem, but by tauren agents of the Twilight cult under the guise of the Grimtotem – certainly possible in light of the known existence of tauren cultists, and further validated by the (ordinarily suspect) insistence of our Grimtotem prisoners that their clan never set out for the island.

Nevertheless, even supposing this explanation, we are left with a further, more troubling question: given, once again, that no cooperation exists between the Twilight’s Hammer and Grimtotem, how would the cult have become aware of our planned movements on Alcaz Island, if the only information ever in circulation on the matter was a decoy letter that was deliberately allowed to fall into the hands of the Grimtotem?  How would they know not only to launch an attack on the island, but to attack us at Bladefist Bay (indicating an awareness not only of the Alcaz operation but of the fact that it was in fact a trap)?

I fear there is something yet in play that runs deeper than we have supposed.  Indeed, the only speculation I can offer fails to account for the many loose ends, and should of course be consider cautiously.  Still, in the spirit of this forum, I will share the current state of my thoughts.

That Magatha Grimtotem is a traitor to her people – both the Bloodhoof tribe and the tauren race in general – should be news to no one.  But I begin to suspect that we have underestimated the depths of betrayal to which the insidious crone might sink.

I believe that Magatha Grimtotem may in fact have betrayed the Grimtotem tribe itself, at the hands of the Twilight’s Hammer.

This theory is purely speculation on my part, and by no means does it account for everything I have raised as a concern.  Yet far too many pieces fit in place for me to discount it as the ravings of advancing age.  Consider: it was Magatha who put set her Grimtotem tribesman on the search for the phylactery through her underlings Arnak Grimtotem and Isha Gloomaxe, leading them to believe by all accounts that the Twilight’s Hammer were also looking for it, and that the tribe might benefit from finding it first.  Yet the cult appears to have been engaged in no such search, and the Grimtotem effort appears to have accomplished nothing save drawing the attention of the Twilight’s Hammer.

The cult then attacks the Grimtotem and captures Magatha.  And it is here that I suspect the crone played her hand: through some means, perhaps she had learned of Skarr and of the possibility of Cho’gall return, and presented herself to the cult as the sole person living who would be able to carry out the deed.  Note closely the events that would follow: an unwitting Horde adventurer, Johnny Awesome, comes upon Magatha, still ostensibly being held by the Twilight’s Hammer; he is sent by Magatha to collect the tauren relics held by the Grimtotem in Thousand Needles; in the process he is also tasked with killing Arnak Grimtotem and Isha Gloomaxe, very possibly the only other Grimtotem who might have had further knowledge of Magatha’s initial scheme.

I suspect Magatha only ever set her people upon the ogres to catch the cult’s attention, and afford her the chance to go to them under guise of being captured.  I believe she offered her help to the Twilight’s Hammer in exchange for something.  I do not know what it is, but it was a price great enough to compel her to turn against her own people, steal from them, kill her kin and indeed her very family in order to cover her nefarious tracks.  I realize that this theory is far from complete, and still leaves yet unaccounted for no shortage of loose ends.  Yet I cannot escape the belief that there lies amid these ramblings some kernel of truth to the crisis before us.

I apologize for the excessive length of this post.  I did not have time to craft a shorter one.  Strange events are upon us, and the selective culling of ideas is a luxury, sadly, which I cannot afford while wrestling with the many questions and theories that plague my thoughts.

We forge on against the darkness, friends.  Honor go with us all.

 

-Saurfang

Monday, once again, Mailbag

Posted in From the Desk of Saurfang, Mailbag with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 6, 2012 by Garrosh Hellscream

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Citizens of the Horde,

It is time once again for me to respond to the various and sundry missives that have found their way to me since last week.  This time I seem to drawn the attention of some unlikely writers indeed…

 

Salutations and greetings under the Infinitely Holy Light, Varok Saurfang!  It is my hope that, with the recent change in leadership in Orgrimmar, peace talks can at some point resume.  I write to you regarding a terrible danger the seers of the Exodar have seen growing in the heart of the Horde.  I speak not of the abominable Banshee Queen or the legions of unholy warlocks infesting your cities, but of a force very close to the center of the Horde – the (currently missing) Garrosh Hellscream.  Have you seen him lately?  Before he went missing, I mean.  He looks rather terribly like a Fel Orc; I fear he has been suckling at the same festering hellteats from which his father supped.  Please, if you know it, tell me the identity of the Pit Lord whose blood he has been drinking!  The destruction of Hellscream’s demonic master will (once again) liberate the Horde from servitude in the Legion, to the great good of life throughout the Universe.

The Naaru have not forgotten you!

–Eliseth the Argent Champion, The Exodar, Azuremyst Isle

Firstly, having spent considerable time with Warchief Hellscream in Northrend, and being very much aware of his busy schedule since his move to Durotar, I can attest that no such transgressions have taken place as the drinking of demon blood.  Moreover, good Eliseth, I am troubled by your willingness to jump to conclusions based solely on the Warchief’s appearance; his skin tone is well within the range of hues common to Mag’har orcs, particularly those who suffered from the red pox in their youth, and if your comment is in some way a reference to the Warchief’s (well-publicized) cranial idiosyncrasies, I believe Warchief Hellscream himself has addressed this matter on at least one occasion.

Rest assured, therefore, that there is no demonic influence at the heart of the Horde, and, by extension, you need not worry that the Burning Legion has set its eyes once again on Azeroth.  Should the Legion indeed move against this world, you may further take comfort that we orcs will be ready to stand against them in defense of our home, and in so doing will almost certainly provide you and your eredar kin with ample time to pack.  There are, I am sure, plenty of other worlds to which you might relocate while the rest of the “Universe” about which you clearly care so much undertakes to clean up after you.

 

Dear Warchief Saurfang,

Congratulations on your elevation to leadership of the Horde.  I’m sure your peons are thrilled to have a competent commander grinding their faces into the mud of Durotar.  I’m writing to inquire about a specific aspect of foreign policy instituted under the (hopefully) late and unlamented Warchief Hellscream (may his body never be found); specifically, his declaration that “all Kalimdor belongs to the Horde”.  This claim is idiotic, unenforceable, and will serve only to utterly repudiate any overtures of peace you may wish to make.  I advise you to rescind this edict, and withdraw back past the Southfury where you belong.  Or preferably, all the way back to Draenor.  Get off our planet, alien scum!

Sincerely,

Sepharad of the Nightfall

Watcher

Darnassus, Teldrassil

Kalimdor (seriously, it belongs to the Kaldorei)

Azeroth (not your homeworld)

Greetings, Sepharad.  If you will indulge my pedantry for a moment, I would like to elucidate a few linguistic and rhetorical points that you may find beneficial in future endeavors.

Specifically, there is a concept in argument generally referred to as “ethical appeal.”  This notion, contrary to what might be suggested by its nomenclature, does not hinge on one’s “ethical” or moral goodness, but rather on the manifest ethos, or identity, which one presents in one’s interactions.  Thus, for instance, one who presents oneself as gracious and even-handed is likely to prove more persuasive than one who conveys a persona of rudeness and closed-mindedness, by virtue of their relative ethical appeal.

With this in mind, I might suggest in future missives, should you wish to urge policy change from your reader, you may do well not to open, for instance, by insinuating derision for your reader’s entire society and its adopted home; or by openly hoping for the demise of individuals about whose safety you know your readers to be sincerely concerned; or by levying thinly veiled threats, employing racial slurs, or expressing outright hostility toward your audience.  (I would also note, if you truly take such offense at “alien scum” taking up residence on other worlds, you may wish to craft an additional letter to Prophet Velen of your allies the draenei, as his people, if we are to carry out a cursory review of history, have developed something of a pattern of behavior along these lines.)

These are basic concepts of rhetoric, and it saddens me that such an ancient and storied culture as that of the night elves would apparently fail to properly educate its watchers.  Lacking a compelling argument in its support, therefore, I feel I must decline your policy recommendation.

[If at first you don’t succeed, you clearly aren’t Saurfang. –Mkvr., ed.]

With that said, if you will pardon me, a chill has begun to drift into the room, so I believe I shall go now to add a log or two of Ashenvale lumber to the fireplace.

 

Hiya Overlord Saurfang,

What’s up?  Even though we goblins in Ratchet try to keep ourselves neutral to this whole Horde/Alliance thing, I do try to keep an eye on what’s going on in the major cities – especially since I have a few cousins in the Bilgewater Cartel living with you guys in Orgrimmar now.  I noticed your post the other day about Garrosh’s wyvern getting loose, and I thought you’d be want to know about a weird moment we had here on the docks yesterday.  I was hanging around here on the dock, minding my own business, when lo and behold a wyvern flies in and lands just a few yards away, and just sits around by the end of the dock.  He wasn’t doing anything, not really even taking notice of anyone, just sitting there.  The after a while, one of our ships came in from Booty Bay.  The wyvern up and strolled onto the boat, sat himself back down, and just stayed there until the ship headed back out again.

Now, I don’t know if this was Garrosh’s wyvern.  I don’t know what his wyvern looks like, other than, you know, looking like a wyvern, and I can’t say I could really tell one wyvern from another anyway.  But I thought you might want to know about this.

–Wharfmaster Dizzywig, Ratchet

My thanks to you, Wharfmaster.  This is interesting news indeed.  While we cannot be certain that the wyvern you describe is the Warchief’s, its behavior certainly appears peculiar enough to merit investigation.  I will notify our officers in Stranglethorn Vale of this development, and expand our scouting patrols to that region.

 

Greetings, Your Warchieferousness! I hope you’re having an absolutely splendid day. I am not having an absolutely splendid day because I keep bumping my head on the doorways here in the goblin slums. I may be the cutest undead killing machine ever to rise from the battlefields of the Third War, but terrible necromantic power has no effect on goblin architecture. Could you possibly see your way clear to annulling former acting Warchief Hellscream’s edict that all races “not strong enough” to defend Orgrimmar (anyone not a tauren or orc, in Hellscream’s piggy little eyes) be banished from the city? I am an implacable harbinger of icy death, and I’m worth at least two tauren anywhere outside a goblin barbeque. I know no fear! I know no pain! I am totally strong enough to defend Orgrimmar. I want my house back.

Yours,

–Twilight Vanquisher Aimee (Knight of the Ebon Blade, not the cake vendor), Frickin’ Goblin Slums

A pity, Aimee, that you aren’t the Aimee I recall from Northrend.  Many were the evenings that I enjoyed one of her selections with my nightly Mok’nathal tea.  I recall her red velvet cake was especially sumptuous.  You might consider, in fact, looking into baking as a sideline, as I am sure you will find a great many fans should you demonstrate mastery in it; moreover, we find ourselves recently understaffed in Orgrimmar in the area of infantry cooks, so you may well find it a worthwhile avenue for career advancement.

Speaking of which, in a roundabout way, as you are a current resident of the goblin slums, how is the rice situation coming along?  Markedly improved, I would hope.

At any rate, I realize that you are not the Aimee of cakery fame, though, again, I would urge you to consider my thoughts on the matter.  Still, you certainly share a name of delicious connotation.  (Have you considered adopting a pseudonym for combat purposes, incidentally?  Though I do not doubt your martial prowess, I am unsure that “Aimee” strikes adequate fear into the hearts of your foes.  Compare: “Run! Saurfang just cleaved the heads off of the general and his squire!” “Run! Aimee is accessorizing her Lovely Pink Dress!”)

Where were we again?  You will pardon an old man for his tangents.  Ah yes, the goblin slums.

Redistricting is indeed always a controversial issue, Aimee.  I will endeavor to look into the matter, though the allocation of housing space in a high-demand, high-population area such as Orgrimmar is always precarious at best.  In the interim, have you considered investigating real estate options in nearby Razor Hill?  I am told suburban areas within easy commuting distance of the major urban centers often offer surprisingly reasonable rental costs.  (I would suggest Bilgewater Harbor as another nearby option, but I believe you have clearly established your feelings on goblin neighborhoods.)  Or, if you feel your happiness truly depends on residing in the city proper, perhaps the troll architecture of a few blocks north of you would be more suitable?

I will grant I am hardly a real estate expert – many years have passed since I paid off my mortgage on the old Nagrand split-level, and being as I am career military, I have myself always moved from one assigned quarters to the next – but I will attempt to look into matters further to see if anything can be done.

 

That is all the mail I have time to attend to his week; as always I thank you for your correspondence.  I will, of course, continue to keep you posted on our unfolding operations, friends.  Honor go with us all.

 

-Saurfang

More Disturbing Developments

Posted in From the Desk of Saurfang with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on February 4, 2012 by Garrosh Hellscream

twilight1

Citizens of the Horde,

I fear this update will need to be brief, as I am in the midst of several urgent conferences as we continue to work on unraveling the current conundrum.

The exacting rogue Garona Halforcen continues her interrogation of the Twilight’s Hammer prisoners taken in Silithus, and has begun to uncover new and troubling details.  She has confirmed my speculation of some days ago that the increased Twilight’s Hammer activity in Thousand Needles was indeed a response to the Grimtotem search for the phylactery of Cho’gall; upon receiving intelligence of the Grimtotem undertaking, the Twilight’s Hammer targeted the renegade tribe’s holdings in Thousand Needles, with the specific intent of apprehending Magatha Grimtotem.  Striking the beast at its head, as it were.

While this much merely confirms what I had already suspected, there now appear to be further wrinkles that cast the current crisis in even more troubling light.  According to Garona’s Twilight captives (whose word, of course, is always to be taken with no small measure of wariness), the Twilight’s Hammer cult agreed to an alliance of sorts with Magatha upon her capture: she would aid them in the resurrection of Cho’gall, in exchange for the assistance of the cult in regaining power in Kalimdor and avenging herself against her perceived enemies.

More disturbing, however, is the apparent revelation that the entire idea for Cho’gall’s resurrection may not have originated with the cult themselves: according to our sources, the Twilight’s Hammer were taken by surprise when they received word that the Grimtotem were trying to find the phylactery ahead of them, in that the cult themselves were not engaged in any such search for it in the first place, nor were they even aware of the existence of the phylactery.  While it therefore stands to reason that they would seek out Magatha as the source of these baffling rumors, this new light obviously raises numerous questions about recent events.  Not least among these disturbing considerations is the possibility that Magatha Grimtotem herself was the instigator for all of these events reaching back however many weeks.

It would appear that for every answer, I am left with several new questions.  There are a number of points in this latest set of revelations that must be confirmed, and likewise there are several questions I will need to have answered by our Grimtotem prisoners.  I will be speaking with Krog shortly about all of this.

I hope to have more concrete answers for you soon, friends.  Honor go with us all.

 

-Saurfang

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