Archive for omg what am i getting myself into

Reminder: SoO “Meta” Raid Tonight

Posted in Words from Behind the Curtain with tags , , , , , , , on November 23, 2013 by Garrosh Hellscream

siegelogo

Hi everyone — this is just a quick OOC reminder that we’ll be having our friends-of-WCB Siege of Orgrimmar raid (Horde-side) tonight at 8:00 PM EST.  Or, as I like to think of it, the “Meta” raid (what else would you call OOC Garrosh killing IC Garrosh?).

We’ll be running the raid on Flex, so if you’re not able to be there for the start of the raid, you’re more than welcome to join us in progress.  Many of you have already added me on RealID; for anyone else who might be interested in joining us, feel free to add Battletag Averry#1116.  Even if, for whatever reason, you’re not able to participate in the actual raid, you’re still welcome to come join us in raid chat and/or vent.  (Once again, I am only too happy to generously dispense invitations to a vent server that isn’t mine.)

Also, seeing as I haven’t done any non-LFR raiding since Deathwing, I will apologize in advance for what will very likely be my profound mediocrity.

On that note…hope to see many of you tonight!

 

Averry

Being a role model is a full-time job

Posted in General with tags , , , , , , on December 11, 2012 by Garrosh Hellscream

training

This week, Malkorok has been busy implementing his trainee program for teenage recruits from Orgrimmar.  He’s sending out notices to anyone age fourteen on up to seventeen – assuming they’re fit and able, and don’t have some other issues like, I don’t know, just off the top of my head here, outstanding community service hours cleaning the swine pens at Jaggedswine Farm after getting caught toilet papering Grommash Hold.  I’m speaking hypothetically here, of course.  The recruits will all be grouped by age and ability and assigned to small training units under the supervision of an accomplished veteran.  From there, they’ll start preparing to eventually fight for the glory of the Horde.

And now, before everyone starts QQ’ing, because I know there are a lot of people who read this blog who aren’t orcs (and speaking of which, fuck you, Varian), let me explain this so I don’t have to listen to a great wailing and gnashing of teeth from across the internet.

First of all, we’re not stealing anyone away from their families, if that’s what you’re thinking.  The trainees do their activities for the day and then they go home, just the same as if they were at school.  Which they pretty much ARE.  Which brings me to the next point.

We’re not just rounding up these kids and running them straight out onto a battlefield.  Yes, that would be stupid.  Do you seriously think I would do something stupid?  This is TRAINING we’re talking about here.  They’re learning about combat and self-defense and working as a unit, to get them READY for down the line when they’ll be needed for the war effort.  Nobody is getting sent into actual battle until they’re ready.  That’s the point – to GET them ready, not just to treat perfectly good future warriors as disposable cannon fodder.  (That’s what Dontrag and Utvoch are for.)

And, hell, before you all get in a tizzy over “But, but, they’re just kids!” – listen.  Orcs are not as long-lived a race as a lot of the others here on Azeroth.  People don’t seem to get this.  Cairne Bloodhoof was over 100 years old and still kicking ass, most recently mine, before, well, you know.  You’re not going to see me up and about at 100.  I’m probably not going to make it to 70.  That’s freaking OLD for an orc.  I know that might be hard to grasp for some of you – especially you elves, what with how you live for like hundreds of years.  Which means you’re probably considered a kid until you hit like 100 years old.  (And by the way, speaking of which: does that mean you elves are adolescents for like 50 years or something?  Because seriously, all you non-elves, can you imagine that?  Puberty lasting for 50 years?  I seriously would have killed myself.)

Anyway, point being, fourteen and fifteen are not as young for us as a lot of you seem to think.  Hell, I’m 34, and people keep referring to me as “young,” but by orc standards that pretty much makes me a middle-aged man.

Hang on.

Spirits help me, where the fuck did my life go?

Anyway.

Point is, everyone needs to just calm the fuck down and put their panties back on over this.

One thing related to the training program, though.  I was going over Malkorok’s rosters and happened to notice a few recruits from the Orgrimmar orphanage – including, you guessed it, Gurtash.  I know the kid’s got a lot of potential, but I also got to thinking it might be good to keep an eye on him, so I told Malkorok I would take charge of that trainee unit personally.  Malkorok wasn’t too happy about that, but then, he’s Malkorok – since when is he ever happy about anything, AMIRITE?  I think he felt like it was a job beneath the station of the Warchief, or whatever, but as it turns out, Gurtash was being placed un a high-aptitude group – no surprise there – so I spun it as me personally supervising the training of the best.  And also, as I succintly put it to Malkorok, I’m doing it because I’m the WARCHIEF and I SAID SO.

So, I’ve got a new gig a few times a week.  And really, I already play a teacher on Earth Online – how hard could it be in real life?  I have my first meeting with the kids later today, to start laying some groundwork for their training.  Should be simple enough.  The group’s going to consist of Gurtash and about a dozen other kids around his age.  How hard could a bunch of fourteen year olds be?

 

 

ADDENDUM, later:  Holy fucking hell, what have I done to myself?

Live Blog: Tides of War

Posted in General, Transcripts with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 28, 2012 by Garrosh Hellscream

ONE YEAR OF THOUGHTS AND MUSINGS…

[Today marks the one-year anniversary of Garrosh’s first post on the Warchief’s Command Board.  To commemorate the occasion, which serendipitously coincides with the release of Jaina Proudmoore: Tides of War by Christie Golden, this post will tie into some of the events of the novel in the form of a LIVE BLOG.  The post will be added to over the course of the night so that you will be able to read it in progress as it is written.  Continue refreshing this page to update its contents.  Also feel free to use the comments to engage with other live readers as the on-the-fly story unfolds!]

I haven’t mentioned this with everything else that’s been going on lately, but several days ago I sent letters out to the other leaders of the Horde to come to Grommash Hold for a special council.  An inner circle of key advisors and I have been working on a number of plans over the past few weeks, one in particular that I’ve been keeping on the back burner for far too long.  The time has finally come to begin the next stage in the glorious history of the Horde, and it’s only fitting that everyone gather to bear witness to its beginning.

Practically all the major players have been arriving the last few hours — Baine Bloodhoof and Hamuul Runetotem from Thunder Bluff…Sylvanas Windrunner from the Undercity…what’s-his-name, that blood elf guy from Silvermoon.  Vol’jin’s come up from the Echo Isles, even though I usually don’t have a whole lot of patience for him.  Hell, even Trade Prince Gallywix crawled out from underneath whatever rock he usually hides under to attend.  Everybody’s brought a considerable contingent of aides and lieutenants with them, and naturally I have a good-sized contingent of my people from here in Orgrimmar to show their support — Eitrigg, obviously, along with a slew of other aides and supporters like Shok Narnes, Captain Drok, Invoker Xorenth.  Mokvar, of course, who’s going to make it a whole lot easier to record and post the meeting.  Pretty much the only heavy hitter not here is Saurfang, and, well, I can see why he would decline the invitation, considering.

I waited outside the war room while everyone gathered and got settled into their places.  I had my aide Malkorok — who’s been growing more and more important in our developing plans — watched over the gathering, then prepared them for my grant entrance.  See, in addition to being an ongoing advisor and newly appointed supervisor of internal security, Malkorok’s also a pretty damn good hype man.  So he took a minute to work up the crowd, and then…well, hey, why don’t I kick it over to Mokvar, who I think Spazzle hooked up to be able to feed his meeting notes straight on up to the blog…

 

MALKOROK:  Your leader, the mighty Garrosh Hellscream, approaches!  Show him all honor!

The assembly stands and burst into cheers as Garrosh enters, holding his arms wide with Gorehowl in hand.

GARROSH:  I bid you all welcome!  You are true servants of the Horde.  Your Warchief calls you, and you come.  <surveying the assembly>  Much has transpired since I assumed the mantle of Warchief…

VOL’JIN:  <aside to Baine>  Most of it bad, mon.

GARROSH:  We have faced trials and danger, threats to our world and our way of life.  And yet, we persevere.  We are the HORDE!  We will not let anything break our spirits!

Garrosh raises Gorehowl above his head, and, starting with the orcs present, the assembly cheers.

GARROSH:  You do not disappoint me.

VOL’JIN:  <aside to Baine>  Wish I could say da same, mon.

GARROSH:  You are the finest representatives of your races – the leaders, the generals.  And that is why I called you here.

Garrosh settles into his throne and gestures for the assembly to sit as well.

GARROSH:  There is a menace that has been present for too long, which we must now root out without any mercy.

VOL’JIN:  <aside to Baine>  Aw, no, mon, don’ be so hard on yaself.

BAINE:  <struggling to stifle his chortling>  Stop…stop it!

GARROSH:  A threat that has challenged us for years, to which we have, until recently, turned a blind eye in the mistaken notion that tolerance of a little shame will do no harm to the mighty Horde.  I have—

Vol’jin and Baine glance at each other.  Vol’jin doubles over and lets a chuckle escape.

GARROSH:  Hmm?  You had something to add, troll?

VOL’JIN:  No, no, dat was just a sneeze, mon.

GARROSH:  A sneeze.

VOL’JIN:  Yah, mon.  Allergy season, ya know.

Garrosh exchanges a look with Malkorok, who shrugs.

GARROSH:  Um, yeah.  As I was saying.  And have said, and say again – ANY shame is a great shame!

VOL’JIN:  <aside to Baine>  A damn dirty shame, mon.

Baine lowers his head over the table and chortles.

GARROSH:  Any— Um, you too, birthday boy?

BAINE:  <wipes a tear from his eye while looking up>  Apologies, Warchief.  I think I may be having some…trouble with allergies as well.

VOL’JIN:  I tink dere might be a bug goin’ round, mon.

GARROSH:  Oh for fuck’s sake… Ugh.  Never mind.  I…where was I again?

MOKVAR:  “Any shame is a great shame.”

Baine and Vol’jin double over slightly, barely containing another fit of chuckles.

GARROSH:  Right, right.  Any shame is a great shame – ANY injury is a great injury!  And apparently any sniffle is a great fucking sneezing epidemic.  But whatever.  Point is, WE WILL ENDURE IT NO LONGER!

Vol’jin smirks at Baine and gives an exaggerated nod.

GARROSH:  We have a destiny to fulfill.  And there is an obstacle to that destiny – one that we must crush beneath our feet like the insignificant insect it truly is.  For far too long – nay, even a MOMENT would be too long! – the Alliance pests, not content with their stranglehold over the Eastern Kingdoms—

SYLVANAS and LOR’THEMAR:  <overlapping>  Hey now!

GARROSH:  —have wormed their ways into OUR lands, OUR territory.  Into Kalimdor.  Chipping away at our resources and sullying the very earth with their presence!  They are crippling us, preventing us from growing, from reaching the heights that I know – I KNOW – we are capable of achieving!  For I believe in my heart that it is not our fate to bow and scrape and sue for peace before the Alliance.  It is our right to dominate and control this land of Kalimdor.  It is ours, and we will claim it as such!

Led by Malkorok, many of the orcs stand and cheer emphatically.  After a few moments, the cheers subside.

GARROSH:  To that end, it is my intent to lead the Horde on a mission that will restore us to our rightful path.  Our first target will be Northwatch Hold.  We will raze it.  And once we have reclaimed that land as ours, we will move on to the next step – THERAMORE!

Baine, Vol’jin, Malkorok, and several others spring to their feet – some cheering, some crying out in protest.  Frandis Farley – one of Sylvanas’ Forsaken lieutenants – shouts over the din.

FRANDIS:  Warchief!  The lady Jaina is too powerful!  She has been passive and quiet.  Rouse her, and we will have war on our hands – a war we are not prepared to fight!

BAINE:  She has behaved with fairness time and again, when she could have responded with force or deceit!  Her diplomatic efforts and her decision to work with Warchief Thrall have saved countless lives!  To storm her realm with no provocation does not give honor to the Horde, and it is foolish besides!

MOKVAR:  Also I really, really hope this isn’t about your old guild leader

BAINE:  Wait, his what?

MOKVAR:  He had an old GM he was pissed at who turned out to be from Theramore.

VOL’JIN:  A GM from what, mon?

MOKVAR:  This MMO we play.

BAINE:  You’re…kidding.

VOL’JIN:  Hey mon, you don’ live in da basement in here too, do ya?

GARROSH:  WILL YOU SHUT IT?  Dammit, trolls should be seen and not heard.  Ideally not seen, either.

VOL’JIN:  Oh, so you wan’ me invisible, mon?

GARROSH:  If only.

VOL’JIN:  Like da Lich King’s horse!

GARROSH:  ENOUGH ALREADY!

VOL’JIN:  Sorry, mon.

Garrosh lets out a long sigh while Malkorok edges closer to Vol’jin’s side of the room, eyeing the troll chieftain uneasily.  Garrosh finally gathers himself.

GARROSH:  Now then…  First of all, Thrall has given leadership of the Horde to me.  Whatever HE did or did not do means nothing now.

VOL’JIN:  <aside>  Aye, you’ll be seein’ ta dat, won’t ya, mon?

GARROSH:  I am the Warchief, to whom you have all sworn loyalty.  My decisions are what matter.  And those of you who condemn my plan do not even know what it entails.  Be silent and listen!

Some – but not all – of the assembly return to their seats.

GARROSH:  You respond to this as if the conquest of Theramore were the goal.  I tell you now, it is only the beginning!  I do not speak solely of destroying the human foothold in Kalimdor.  I speak also, and even more vigorously, of the night elves.  Let them flee to the Eastern Kingdoms as we crush their cities and take their resources!

VOL’JIN:  Drive dem all out?  Dey been here longer dan we have.  An’ we try somet’ing like day, da Alliance be over us like bees on da honey!  You just be givin’ dem he excuse dey been looking for!

GARROSH:  My soul is sick of the back-and-forth in Ashenvale that has gone on nearly since we set foot in this world.  And I am even more sickened by our own blindness to what we should and must do.  The night elves claim compassion and wisdom, yet they murder us when we harvest a few trees that would provide life-giving shelter!  The night elves have lived here long enough.  Let them now linger only as a bad memory.  It is the Horde’s hour to reign on this continent, and reign we shall!  This is why Theramore is key, do you not understand?  <scanning around the chamber>  We crush Theramore, we stop the potential of Alliance reinforcement from the south.  And then – we give the night elves their due.

SYLVANAS:  <rising>  Warchief, the Alliance may indeed not send reinforcements.  Not at once, at least.  They will turn and vent their wrath instead upon those of us in the Eastern Kingdoms – my people and the sin’dorei.

Sylvanas looks to Lor’themar, who remains still and silent.

GARROSH:  Wait, who’s that guy again?

SYLVANAS:  Warchief?

GARROSH:  The blood elf guy.

SYLVANAS:  He’s…  <rubs her hand over her face>  Never mind.  The point is…Varian will march on my borders and destroy us!

EITRIGG:  Warchief, a word?

GARROSH:  I have heard from you already, my advisor.

BAINEWe have not.  Eitrigg was friend to my father and advisor to Thrall.  He knows the Alliance in a way few do.  Surely you do not object to the rest of us hearing what such a wise elder has to say?

GARROSH:  <glares at Baine, then nods to Eitrigg>  You may speak.

EITRIGG:  It is true that the Horde has done much to recover from the Cataclysm.  And it has been under your leadership, Warchief Garrosh.  You are right.  Yours is the title.  Yours are the decisions.  But yours also is the responsibility.  Think for a moment about the consequences the consequences consequences si the ti consequences moment ereh consequences dna gnikam consequences about erew ew about erutuf tahw kniht ot delbuort su ogre fo yna yldrah dodge dna dias consequences eh erutuf consequences eht dire consequences gnikam dire erew dire ewdire dire consequences dire consequences if we fail.

DRANOSH:  I know that all too well, Eitrigg.  Which is why I’m not going to do this if everyone isn’t in agreement.

Garrosh blinks a few times confusedly, then exchanges a concerned look with Mokvar.

CAIRNE:  <watching Garrosh closely>  Overlord?  Are you alright?

Garrosh looks up at Cairne and stares for a moment.

GARROSH:  I… Yeah.  I’m fine…Cairne…  Just had something in my eye for a second.

MOKVAR:  Might be allergy season…

DRANOSH:  At any rate… We all know what’s at stake here.  I know I’ve said more than once that I don’t intend to send more troops into a losing situation, but I think it’s safe to say this is a special case.

VOL’JIN:  I don’ tink dere’s anyone gonna argue, mon.  Quel’talas ain’t gonna hold long on its own, an’ we can’ let dem get to da Sunwell.  Not again.

DRANOSH:  A vote, then.  One last battle, to hold the line, at least long enough to do what needs to be done?

EITRIGG:  <scanning around>  All in favor?

Cairne, Eitrigg, Vol’jin, and Zaela raise their hands.  After a moment’s pause, Garrosh and Mokvar do the same.

EITRIGG:  And opposed?

VOL’JIN:  Dere’s nobody else here, mon.

EITRIGG:  Well, still.  It never hurts to be thorough.

DRANOSH:  I should get you to do my paperwork for me.

GARROSH:  You know, I bet he’d be good at that.

EITRIGG:  I would not wish to intrude on your confidential documents, Warchief.

GARROSH:  I’m sure he has plenty more important things to do with his time.

DRANOSH:  I am Warchief.

GARROSH:  Better you than me.

DRANOSH:  <smirks>  Spirits help us.  You’d be terrible at it.

GARROSH:  Well, it’s a good thing Thrall stuck YOU with the job then, isn’t it?

DRANOSH:  <still smirking> No, but really.  I think a basic campfire would probably do a better job than you.

GARROSH:  <smirks back>  Okay, enough.  That shit is hurtful.

DRANOSH:  What, are you turning sensitive all of a sudden?  What’s next, are you going to start writing poetry too?

GARROSH:  You never know.

VOL’JIN:  Tell you what, mon, we can plan da first readin’ after we out of da fire.

DRANOSH:  <turning back to the war map>  Well, we’re all agreed.  I’ll send a messenger to Silvermoon.  The rest of you know what needs to be done to prepare.

VOL’JIN:  Aye, mon.

ZAELA:  Yes, Warchief.

DRANOSH:  Let’s get to work, then.  Metting adjourned.  Lok’tar ogar!

EITRIGG:  Lok’tar!

ZAELA:  Lok’tar!

VOL’JIN:  For da Horde!

GARROSH:  This will either end up turning the tide the tide tide si the ylno tide up saw tide sa gniht tide turning hcus on turning si ereht elpoep laudividni fo sratava yratnemom ogre  eht ni tpecxe ecnetsixe dodge on sah hcihw your noitidnoc diulf your accept your a accept si accept emit accept accept you accept your oath.

Garrosh looks around confusedly again, finding himself absently patting the head of a goblin who appears to be kneeling in allegiance.  Malkorok approached, ushering Lor’themar Theron with him.

LOR’THEMAR:  You wish to see me, Warchief?

GARROSH:  I do.  I understand you are the leader of the blood elves.

LOR’THEMAR:  Um…yes, Warchief.  We’ve met several times.

GARROSH:  Have we?  Hmm.  Must have slipped my memory…

LOR’THEMAR:  I’m in your Earth Online guild.

GARROSH:  You are?  Huh.

LOR’THEMAR:  Um…

GARROSH:  Well, anyway.  Out of all our leaders in there, save Gallywix — who’s supportive merely because he sees coins to be made — you are the only one who doesn’t question your Warchief.  Not even when Sylvanas tries to play upon your sympathy.  I respect that, elf.  Know that your loyalty to me is duly noted.

LOR’THEMAR:  The Horde embraced and supported my people when no one else would.  I will not forget that.  And so, my loyalty, and that of my people, is to the Horde.

GARROSH:  I am the Horde’s Warchief, Lor’themar.  And as such, I AM the Horde.

LOR’THEMAR:  You are its Warchief.  Is that all you wish of me?  My people are anxious to return home and prepare for the war that is to come.

GARROSH:  Of course.  You may go.

Lor’themar walks off, rejoining the rest of the Silvermoon contingent.

GARROSH:  <to Malkorok:  That one is worth watching.

MALKOROK:  They are all worth watching.

MOKVAR:  Um…if I might ask, what’s that supposed to mean?

MALKOROK:  <stares at Mokvar a moment>  Suffice to say, scribe, that you are not the only one keeping notes.  <turning to Garrosh>  If you’ll excuse me, Warchief, I have a few matters to follow up on.

Captain Drok approaches and waits close beside Garrosh.

GARROSH:  Go ahead, Malkorok.  We’ll check in again later.

DROK:  Warchief, a moment?

GARROSH:  What is it, Drok?  Oh…OH…is it…?

DROK:  <nodding>  I’ve just received word from our team in Northrend, sir.  We have it.

GARROSH:  <slowly grins, then nods>  Good, good… I love it when a plan comes together.

 

The pieces are falling into place.  Everything is lining up.  I’ll be sending marching orders to the various leaders within the next day, and soon enough everything will be underway.  Everything is going exactly to plan.

If only I didn’t have this nagging feeling the universe is trying to tell me something.

More soon.

 

 

[Thanks to everyone who dropped by live to follow the blog in progress!  And also, as you may have noticed, the night was capped off with the addition of a badass new header for the blog, generously and masterfully provided by Snapcaster (Cho'gall server) from Dreamweave Design.  Many thanks for making the place more presentable!  Additional thanks to Rioriel from Postcards From Azeroth for providing the header image for this post -- click here to see the souped-up Postcard version!]]

Coming Soon: Live Blogiversarying (Yes, That’s a Word, Dammit)

Posted in Words from Behind the Curtain with tags , , on August 20, 2012 by Garrosh Hellscream

Hi again, everyone.  This is Averry, breaking character to make a quick announcement.

The one other time I’d stepped out from behind the Garrosh façade, I’d said I wouldn’t be doing it again, and I labored for a while trying to come up with an in-character way to make this announcement.  Then my inner Garrosh kicked in and I said, “Eh, fuck it.”  It’s just easier to do it this way, so here I am again.

As some of you long-time readers may realize, we’re coming up on the one-year anniversary of the Warchief’s Command Board.  Garrosh made his inaugural post on August 28, 2011.  (You better believe I just shamelessly linked back to it!  Hey, if you’re a new reader, consider that your invitation to hop into the Way-Back Machine and get all caught up.  And if you’ve been reading from the start…well…go back and read it all again!  I bet it rewards multiple readings.  You know, kind of like a Faulkner novel.  Only nowhere near as good.  Like even remotely.)

I wanted to do something to commemorate the blogiversary, and an idea finally came to me, courtesy of some serendipitous timing.  As it happens, August 28 also marks the release date of Jaina Proudmoore: Tides of War, Christie Golden’s new WoW novel that sets the stage for Mists of Pandaria.

So here’s my hair-brained scheme.  Next Tuesday, August 28, I’m going to be running out in the morning to pick up the novel.  Then I’ll be spending the day reading.  And then, that night, I’ll be LIVE BLOGGING a new installment of the Command Board that will tie into the events of the novel somehow.  I’ve live blogged here once before, and this will work basically the same way: I’ll post an initial setup, then update every few minutes so that the story “unfolds” before your very eyes as you refresh the page.

What will the live-blogging episode be about?  How will it tie into the book?  I have no idea!  I won’t know that until I actually read the book, so I won’t even be in a position to start putting any ideas together until that day.  All I know is that I’ll be writing something that night, and it’ll have something to do with the events of Tides of War.  Obviously, this is a bit of a gamble, and there’s a more-than-trivial chance that I’ll wind up embarrassing myself.  But really, isn’t the chance to watch Averry make himself look like a jackass one of those little pleasures that makes life worth living?

So, consider this your official invitation to attend the debacle in progress – the LIVE BLOG begins at 8:00 PM Eastern time on TUESDAY, AUGUST 28.  Come by and watch me fall flat on my face!

Thank you to everyone for reading, following, commenting, and interacting with the Warchief here.  I’ll respond to comments on this post (as well as on the About page) as myself, and then otherwise retreat behind my somewhat more temperamental alter ego.

Thanks as always,

Averry
(and Sawyer)

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 999 other followers