Archive for mokvar
So, we were right about Ji heading down here to the Burning Steppes. Only trouble is, by the time we landed at Flame Crest, he’d already come and gone. (Boy, it sure is a shame we didn’t get down here faster, like, say, if SOMEBODY hadn’t wasted shitloads of time fucking doodling.) And yeah, he hooked up with Eitrigg’s son Ariok when he got here, and I guess the two of them took off to check out Blackrock Mountain. And yeah, that’s one MORE thing I might have to smack Eitrigg around over when we get back home, because fucking hell.
I headed over to Blackrock Mountain with Spazzle and Gurtash, and after some initial ohh’ing and ahh’ing from the noobs, we headed into Blackrock Spire. It was a weird thing — I’d poked my nose in here once before, back when I was rounding up the Blackrock orcs (Malkorok included) when I brought them into the Horde, but this was different. Now the place was like the haunted house version of Blackrock Spire. Every few rooms we ran into these reanimated, undead versions of the drakonids and dragonspawn that used to hang out here back in the day, back before the Black Dragonflight got cleaned out. Well, they were back for an encore now, at least some of them, at least in fairly diminished form. Don’t know what’s causing it, but I can tell you it’s creepy as well.
Mind you, none of that really mattered once I chopped them into pieces every time any of them got in our way. But still.
We poked around the spire some, and finally, a fair ways in, we finally stumbled onto the guests of honor themselves — Ji and Ariok, poking around in some kind of summoning chamber. Apparently they found some kind of ritual altar there that Lunchbox seemed sure had some connection to…you know, I’m still not even sure about the details. Something about the dragon guy that was in the middle of Mokvar’s whole deal. I wasn’t in much of a mood to listen to that crap, but Ji was focused on the damn altar like he thought it was a pork chop, and then Ariok started chiming in with HIS two coppers, and hoo boy were we off to the races then, what with the bitching and the complaining. You know, the Anytime Somebody Talks to Garrosh These Days special.
Anyhow, we went round and round a few times, and to tell you the truth, I was just about to throw my hands up and let the idiot poke around the damn altar just to shut them up, when we started hearing more snarling and growling from those dragon-zombie-whatever-the-fucks from down the hall. Then sounds of combat, and general rattling around, and then, before we even had a chance to go check out what the hell was going on, well…
You know, I’m not sure if I want to kill her or if I’m starting to like her.
Anyway, by that point, Shayari was already right there, so I figured I might as well let her go ahead and see if she can figure anything out about the damn altar, and maybe satisfy everybody’s morbid curiosity about the whole Mokvar thing. Plus, you know, good luck getting her to NOT do something, because, hey, maybe I’ve mentioned this already, fucking hell.
[Notes and Notables: As I announced a few posts ago, I'm going to be taking a short break from posting, but rest assured that I will be using a not-inconsiderable portion of that time getting things lined up for the next sequence of posts. The always preposterous and sometimes exciting adventures of
everyone's favorite some people's favorite the Warchief will continue with "Scene of the Crime" on Wednesday, May 21.
Also, a Shayari fashion note: The sharp-eyed among you will recognize Shayari's outfit in this post as the "Indiana Shay" outfit submitted by Malauch in the Transmogs for Shay contest. Malauch was one of our five voters' choice contestants; I'd never actually announced a final winner on that front, but that was in large part because the polling ended up being an endless back-and-forth between Maualch's entry and Khizzara's "Scarlet Sindorei Robe." So, since I'm only too happy to have a wealth of mage looks (and happy readers!), I'm going to go ahead and (belatedly) declare both Malauch and Khizzara winners in a dead heat. Grats to all our winners, thanks to all who submitted and voted, and by all means keep an eye out for more stylish looks from our resident half-draenei mage in training!]
I mean, really. I seriously need some better fucking minions.
[One final noteworthy note -- this post features a cameo from Transmogs-for-Shay winner Sintra E'Drien, in the person of his DK Equemorticia... um... I think. I neglected to write down the exact spelling of that name. Oops, if error resulted?]
* In case you missed that debacle from MoP beta, here.
[The adventures of Spaz Slade continue tomorrow! Also, a HUGE thank you to Khizzara, who is responsible for the idea of doing a noir comic. (Or, alternatively, if you were rolling your eyes most of the way through this one...um...blame her!)
[Okay, running a little late with today's edition...but it's still Sunday somewhere, right? So...]
* Mokvar’s trouble began before he first came to Orgrimmar, during a time when he was part of a mercenary group. He discussed his past here and here; an overall cheat sheet for Mokvar’s ongoing story can be found here.
[More tomorrow...or, depending on how you count, later today.]
[Brief preliminaries: Yes, I know I'd promised that this episode would be posted Wednesday, but life sort of undermined that plan. (In a good way, overall -- I had a sudden last-minute influx of work earlier in the week, which was bad in terms of free time suddenly evaporating, but good in terms of, you know, $$$.) This first installment is just a short lead-in, but I wanted to have something up as soon as possible, rather than keeping everyone waiting for the whole thing to be done; along those lines, I'll be posting a new chunk of the comic every day until it's complete. This is something I've wanted to start doing with the comics for a while, anyway: shorter installments posted more frequently. Fingers crossed...]
So, yeah, after I got off the game and went to see Spazzle, he gave me the rundown on Ji. Apparently, after I shut down ol’ Double-Stuff’s bright idea to go poking around Blackrock Mountain for clues about Mokvar, he decided, nah, I don’t have to listen to Garrosh, because really, when has he EVER fucking done that? So he up and took off on his own. And yes, as some of you more attentive readers might remember, he WAS under house arrest with a guard stationed outside his door, but evidently a Kor’kron enforcer is no match for that Rosy-Palm Talk-to-the-Hand move that the pandas all seem to know, and yes, why the fuck I’m PAYING these people is beyond me, too. Anyway, we don’t know a lot of the specifics, other than the fact that Ji managed to high-tail it out of Orgrimmar, and that he’s planning to hit up Blackrock Mountain.
Before I get things together to head down that way, though, I had one other piece of personal business to see to…
Faranell’s gotten things lined up for Shayari’s move to the Undercity. She won’t be leaving for a couple days still, but everything should be in order. That also leaves me some time to get down there to see how she’s doing before she heads out of town. I haven’t gotten much of a chance to go see her yet – yeah, yeah, I know, even after Liadrin made such a stink over it – what with everything else I need to take care of around here. I’m not going to be in Orgrimmar much longer than Shayari, only in my case, when I leave I need to know everything is set to run smoothly while I’m in Pandaria, and in order to make sure that happens…well, come on. You’ve seen the pinhead minions I’m surrounded with, mostly. Hell, even Malkorok has been in lousy spirits (yes, even by Malkorok standards) ever since he got back from helping the doc with Shay’s arrangements the other day.
Anyhow, point being, there’s been a shitload of stuff going on. We’ve got some major construction projects in the works, which means we’re going to need tons of resources. Lumber, fuel, the whole nine yards. We even need to up the food supplies just to feed all the extra workers we’re bringing in. In order to keep up with the demands, I’m reassigning some Kor’kron to the Barrens to work on gathering resources. On the plus side, all the manpower we need pretty much means there’s no such thing as unemployment in Orgrimmar anymore. (That should look pretty damn nice on my record when I run for reelection. OH WAIT, THAT’S NOT HOW IT WORKS, I’M APPOINTED FOR LIFE. Suck THAT, would-be rivals from within my own party.)
Needless to say, all this has kept me pretty busy with meetings and planning sessions and OH DID I MENTION THE FUCKING PAPERWORK? And this time around I can’t even shuffle it off on Eitrigg, since he’s being all pissy about being quasi-sorta-kinda-demoted. Things have been so packed, schedule-wise, that I’ve barely had a chance to catch any down time…but, seeing as this is the first time in months that I’ve actually had a stable internet connection…
You have logged on.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] but if you get a buff from eating, why don’t you a bigger buff if you eat more?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Well well, look who we have here!
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] because they want you to go do things in the game, not sit around eating all day
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] A good day to you, daddy dearest.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] well that’s just crazy talk
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Hello Omgipwnedurface
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] …
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] HI PWN
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] hi omgipwnedurface
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] hey boss
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So I’m guessing you’ve talked to Faranell
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] wait, what?
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] GOOD TO SEE YOU ON
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: hello, garrosh, i was wondering if i could have a word with you
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] I swear I didn’t say anything to her, boss
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: Oh this should be good
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah hi
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] He emailed me earlier, yes sir.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Oh yeah, I know YOU’RE all about keeping secrets, Half-Pint
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Faranell, that is. Not Spazzle.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] NOT ME
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] yeah
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] By way of making arrangements for the arrival of…what was her name again?
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered: hey, did you get my email?
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] I HOPE YOUR CONNECTION IS BETTER
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Shayari
You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]: Yeah, I did
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: well i’ve been thinking about the mokvar situation – it seems like his problems all go back to blackrock mountain, so i was thinking maybe if did some looking around there we might be able to come up with some new leads
You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]: I think I get why you did what you did, not that it still doesn’t irritate the fuck out of me
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] no really, whats with the daddy dearest thing?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Ah yes, Shayari. Lovely name. Does it mean anything?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, I’m back home on my normal connection
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh, you haven’t heard, Gayle?
You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]: It better be. I’ve had more than enough of everybody running around with secrets
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: i was talking to eitrigg a few days ago and he mentioned his son lives near there, and knows blackrock mountain well, so he might be able to help investigate
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] OH COOL
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Oh fucking hell
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered: me too
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Well apparently it means “I think I’ll go blab” in banshee-talk
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Our esteemed guild leader is a father.
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: Okay, so tl;dr, you’re still picking at the damn Mokvar thing, and what a shock, now Eitrigg is encouraging you in continuing to be a pain in the ass
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] …
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Here we go
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: Now listen to me because I’m only going to say this once
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] oh boy…
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] …
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Congratulations Omgipwnedurface
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] ok
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] YAH GRATS
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] ok
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Thats wonderful news
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: I don’t give a shit what Mokvar had gotten himself into. By the time he got shown the door, he’d burned about fifteen bridges, and I’m past the point of caring why. He’s dead. And if he’s not dead, he might as well be, because he’s dead to ME
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] ok
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] WHAT???
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: So whatever hairbrained scheme you’ve got in mind, drop it. Let it GO. THE END
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] You really had to, huh?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] ^_^
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] he’s
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] WHAT
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] A bouncing baby girl, if I’m told correctly.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] … … … …
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I mean…seriously?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Well, to be fair, Warchief…
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: if you say so, sir
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] THATS AWESOME PWN
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] ok so obviously I must have been staring at an old god or something
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Dontrag and Utvoch haven’t logged on in weeks. Jaina hasn’t been on as much lately.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] because I MUST have gone insane and thought I just read that
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I need to amuse myself -somehow-.
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Mrs Pwnurface must be so excited
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh, I know, Gayle; at first I thought the news was too good to be true as well!
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] oh yes
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] yes PWN, let’s HEAR about mrs pwnurface
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] For fuck’s sake
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] HOW ABOUT HER PWN
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] You know what
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Again, out of fairness, Warchief, I’m not even lying.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] She’s DEAD, actually, if you must know
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] When Faranell told me, my first thought honestly was, “Oh, this is too good.”
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] OH YIKES
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay, so listen, after this, could you PLEASE zip it about the kid?
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] you’re spiritsdamned right she’s dead
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I was planning to try to keep this hush-hush for now
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh course, dear Warchief.
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] I’m so sorry Omgipnedurface
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Was it in childbirth
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Henceforth I will keep your secret locked away in the securest of figurative underground vaults as if it were a recalcitrant death knight.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] No, it was later
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] She got sick from a plague, basically
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] A plague? Oh dear, it wasn’t one of ours, was it?
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] OH
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Oh dear
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] That is, rather…it -wasn’t- one of ours, certainly.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Since obviously we have long since stopped making plague.
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] WAIT HOW LONG AGO COULD THIS BE IF YOU’RE A NEW DAD
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] What plague, actually? Did someone mention plague?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] That sounds ghastly to me.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] YES
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay look
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] EXACTLY HOW LONG AGO
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Ick, plague, I say. Blech!
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] How are -you- today, Spazzle?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I’m going to go over this once and then have done with it, okay?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] And YOU STFU ALREADY GAYLE
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] hey, don’t try to drag me into this
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] I’m in enough trouble already
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] oh oh I’m all ears
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] you’re on your own!
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh, drat.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] NOT UNLESS “EAR” IS THE NEW WORD FOR “MOUTH” AND I MISSED THE FUCKING MEMO OR SOMETHING
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] FINE
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: I mean SERIOUSLY, WTF??
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So yeah, I’ve got a daughter
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] She’s not a newborn, she’s in her teens now, I just… let’s just say I just gained custody and leave it at that
You whispered to [Nightengayle | Garona]: Oh will you knock it the fuck OFF
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Custody, and awareness.
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: and the surprise daughter is a TEENAGER already too?!
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Have you not said enough already today?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh, never. ^_^ But do continue.
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Oh congratulations
[Officer][LivinDeadGirl | Sylvanas] Re-sealing the vault! ^_^
You whispered to [Nightengayle | Garona]: Yeah, she is, and hey, check it out, she even got to be a teenager in real time, unlike some other people I could mention
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So yeah, she’s just in town for a little while now
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] That’s the long and the short of it, and if you don’t mind I’d rather not have to answer like a zillion questions about her
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: …
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: how is this the first I’m hearing about this??
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] YAH I CAN SEE HOW YOU’D WANT TO KEEP YOUR PRIVACY
You whispered to [Nightengayle | Garona]: Hey, listen, I didn’t even know about her until last week
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] If you don’t mind me asking one question though Omgiownedurface
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: oh aren’t you a prince
You whispered to [Nightengayle | Garona]: when Liadrin came breezing into town with a little bundle of WTF in tow
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Why is she only in town a little while
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, fine
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: wait a minute
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: liadrin???
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] And I promise I won’t pry any further
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] That much is simple, she’s going away to school, pretty much
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: THAT stick figure? are you KIDDING me??
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Oh
You whispered to [Nightengayle | Garona]: NOT LIKE THAT FOR FUCK’S SAKE
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Well I’m sure youll miss her
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, I’m sure
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] But its important sometimes to give your children that push off the ledge and hope they fly
You whispered to [Nightengayle | Garona]: Liadrin found her in Silvermoon after she got kicked out of Dalaran for being half orcish
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] You cant protect them from everything however much you might want to
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] UM RED
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: wait, HALF orcish? what’s the other half then? because I swear if you slept with a human I think I’ll scream
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Sometimes theyre going to get hurt
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Or captured
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Or mutated into monstrosities
You whispered to [Nightengayle | Garona]: YOU FUCKING FUCKED MEDIVH, who the fuck are you to criticize?!
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] RED
[EdwardBear | Ji] has logged off.
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] And then you have to authorize their extermination for the greater good
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: I was young and into older men!
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] But thats parenting for you
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] RED CHECK YOUR WHISPERS
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered: um, boss?
You whispered to [Nightengayle | Garona]: Well I was young and into draenei girls!
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] What were we talking about again
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Oh okay
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: …
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: !!!
You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]: What?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Incidentally, Honalee, is everything all right with Leslie?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I don’t mean to pry, but I’m not accustomed to seeing you online without her.
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: ok I need to log off for a few
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: I need to go stab something
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] YA SHE’S JUST BUSY WITH WORK THIS WEEK
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh? Anything in particular?
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: WE WILL CONTINUE THIS LATER
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] NOT REALLY, JUST THE SAME STUFF SHE’S BEEN DOING THE LAST FEW WEEKS NOW
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered: so… I’m afraid our furry companion has gone and done something rash
[Nightengayle | Garona] has logged off.
That player is not online.
You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]: Oh no, what did Fat Boy Slim do now?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I like to think I’ve been able to provide her with something of a supportive ear from time to time. I’m more than happy to do the same for you, if you’d ever care to have a sounding board.
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered: well… I think he may be about to skip town to head to blackrock mountain
You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]: Fucking hell
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Sometimes it can be helpful to air your thoughts with someone impartial.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I need to log. Some things just came up here that I have to check on
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] You know, concerns for your significant other, anxieties, random specific details about her exact undertakings these days, including but not limited to key initiatives, dates, and locations.
You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]: I’m coming over, you can fill in the rest then
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I know, I know, it’s cliche. But still.
You have logged off.
[Each week, a post will profile one of the blog’s many supporting players. (See the first profile for more details.) Feel free to chime in with recommendations for other characters you’d like to see more about!]
Occupation: Part-time scribe, full-time general annoyance
Class: Druid (feral)
Group affiliations: Horde (member), Cenarion Circle (member, though they don’t usually like to admit it)
Known relatives: None admitted to
Earth Online notes: Would you let her on EO? Seriously? She’s heard of Earth Online, and watched over Dontrag and Utvoch’s shoulders while they’ve played, but so far everyone has managed to keep her from playing it herself. Mercifully.
- Taktani first wrote in to Garrosh’s mailbag, in her own inimitable fashion, after encountering Utvoch in Mulgore. She continued to write several more times, prompting Garrosh to draw on an invention by Spazzle, the TranslationMaster2000, to try to make sense of her…unique writing style.
- After Mokvar was attacked and incapacitated, Taktani wrote to Garrosh to offer her services as a substitute scribe. The Warchief…politely declined. She caught up with Garrosh in Pandaria in “Ut’s on first, Tak’s on second,” eventually winning a begrudging appointment to scribe duty. As you can imagine, she was quite thoroughly excited. Since then, she’s been called upon to provide transcripts of some of Garrosh’s conversations, though Garrosh has needed to maintain a certain measure of diligence to prevent her from indulging too heavily in artistic license.
- Early on, Tak befriended Dontrag and Utvoch (or, as she calls them, “Mr. D and Mr. U”), who generally try (with limited success, not unlike everything else they try to do) to watch out for her. She appears to get along better with Utvoch than Dontrag, but it’s hard to tell for sure, since…really…is there anyone she doesn’t like?
- Hold that thought. She doesn’t like Malkorok very much. Because even Taktani’s generosity of spirit has its limits.
- Upon first arriving in Pandaria, Taktani met the hozen flight master Tak-Tak, whose name puzzled her considerably (and perhaps set off the closest thing Tak could experience to a crisis of identity). Since then, Tak appears to be suffering from ongoing confusion about how names work in Pandaria, as evidenced by her recurring impulse to repeat people’s names (i.e., Mr. Warchief-chief).
- In one mailbag letter, Tak noted that her birthday was “yesterday.” The mailbag was posted on November 5; depending on how long prior to the mailbag she sent the letter, that would place her birthday sometime in late October to early November.
- Taktani is based on the kitty druid of longtime reader and commenter Inuki. Many thanks for letting me use and elaborate on the comedic gold mine that is Tak’s boundless innocence, and for all your ongoing contributions to her presence in the blog (see below for more of them!).
Describe your relationship with your mother or your father. Was it good? Bad? Were you spoiled rotten, ignored? Do you still get along now, or no?
I played outside lots and lots! My parents didn’t like when I brought my toys home though. They yelled about mud and stains and other stuff like that. I haven’t seen them in a while.
I have a little scar right here on my face. Do you see it, Mr. Interview Person? See? Right there! I scratched myself with my claws the first time I turned into a cat! I forgot I had claws! It’s right there, under my eye!
How vain are you? Do you find yourself attractive?
Yes? No? Maybe? I don’t know. Everyone looks all nervous when they see me. Does that mean I’m pretty?
Describe your happiest memory.
I got to meet Mr. Warchief Sir! It was a great day! He let me pounce on him! Then he made me his scribe! Or maybe he made me his scribe, and then I pounced on him. I forget. It was something like that, though! Mr. D and Mr. U and Mr. Monkey and lots of other people were there! Yay!
Is there one event or happening you would like to erase from your past? Why?
No? Why would I? Nothing bad happens to me!
[Fate protects fools, little children, and ships named Enterprise.]
What’s your favorite ice cream flavor? Color? Song? Flower?
ALL THE ICE CREAM!! Purple. No, blue. No… ooh butterfly!
Who do you trust?
Everyone? Is there a reason I shouldn’t?
Can you define a turning point in your life? Multiples are acceptable.
The day Mr. Warchief Sir asked me to be his scribe! And the day I left home.
Technology? You mean like the keyboard Mr. D is yelling about? It’s shiny!
How do you react to temperature changes such as extreme heat and cold?
I have fur! I jump in the water if I’m hot and I don’t get cold. Splash! OOH and I can turn into a fish too. Or is it a seal? Or maybe a… I’m not sure. A swimmy thing!
Are you an early morning bird or a night owl?
I’m a bird, but not an owl. Does that make me an early morning bird?
Are there any blood relatives that you are particularly close with, besides the immediate ones? Cousins, uncles, grandfathers, aunts, etc. Are there any others that you practically consider a blood relative?
Not really? I like Mr. D and Mr. U, and Mr. Warchief Sir!
What does you desk/workspace look like? Are you neat or messy?
<looks around the desk, covered with inkstained pawprints EVERYWHERE>
Um… I think it looks okay. It doesn’t look messy to you, does it?
Are you a good cook? What’s your favorite recipe?
Does cheese count even if I don’t cook it? Do you want some cheese, Mr. Interview Person? I can go get you some! That’s almost like cooking it for you, right?
What’s your preferred means of travel?
Paws and wings!
Do you have any irrational fears?
I don’t like being alone.
What would your cutie mark be?
It’s a dot and a moon on my shoulder! Yay!
Are you superstitious?
I’m super! Aren’t I?
What’s your favorite comfort food, favorite vice, favorite outfit, favorite hot drink, favorite time of year, and favorite holiday?
Cheese! What’s a vice? Fur! Chocolate! Spring! PRESENTS!
How do you smell? Do you wear perfume or cologne?
I smell like a bird! Or a cat! Or a bear! Or a Tauren! Sometimes people tell me I smell like the wrong thing. I think they’re silly!
[A reminder! Get your Transmogs For Shay submissions in by Saturday, March 1!]
So since that last little…discovery…Liadrin’s been buzzing around Orgrimmar, helping with the relocated refugees. At least as far as the world at large can see. Most of the new arrivals have settled in pretty well. A few are pretty eager for some payback against the Alliance, in fact, so we’ve even gotten a few new recruits out of the deal.
Mostly, though, she’s been helping Shayari get adjusted. Ordinarily, I wouldn’t be too keen on a blood elf taking up the job of teaching someone what it means to be Horde, but I’ve worked with Liadrin enough to know she’s got a pretty good head on her shoulders. Plus Shayari already seems to be on decent enough terms with her, so she’s probably going to be more comfortable with Liadrin than she would with some other random person.
Meanwhile, I had a meeting this morning with Krog, who was reporting on a few investigations he was working on while I was in Pandaria. What he found ended up prompting me to schedule another impromptu meeting this afternoon.
Kicking it over to Tak’s record…
(Yay! I get to be Mr. Warchief’s scribe again! Mr. Warchief looked super serious, so I guess this was a big important meeting. Ms. Ben-Lin Panda Lady was there, and so was Mr. Krog, another orc I don’t know too well. I’m sure he’s nice, though! Mr. Warchief must have a hard job if he needs so many people to help him! I hope I do okay!
Mr. Malkorok came in at the start of the meeting, but he only stayed for a minute. He didn’t look very happy, though. He should smile more! I bet he wouldn’t be so grumpy then. He brought Mr. Goblin and Mr. Ji Panda Man with him. I think maybe their feet were sore, because Mr. Malkorok was carrying them by their collars. That’s nice of him! Maybe he’s starting to be nicer!)
MALKOROK – Here they are, Warchief. Let me know if they cause you any…difficulty. (flinging Spazzle and Ji into the room) I’ll be only too happy to use less of a soft touch to show them out.
(I guess not. He seems so mean sometimes. I don’t understand why. =( )
GARROSH – That’ll be all for now, Malk. I’ll check in with you later.
MALKOROK – Yes, sir. If you’ll excuse me, then, I have a few matters to see to with the provisioners.
(Mr. Malkorok left. Yay!)
SPAZZLE – (rubbing his head) So… um… what’s going on, boss? You know if you wanted to see me, you could have just shot me an IM, or—
GARROSH – Yeah, well, I wanted to make sure you got over here without any extra stops along the way.
JI – Oh. Um… is it a surprise party or something?
(Ooh is it? I love parties! Yay!)
GARROSH – Oh, there’ve been some surprises, all right.
JI – Is there cake?
SPAZZLE – Ji…
GARROSH – But this is no party.
(Oh. =( )
SPAZZLE – So… what’s up, boss?
(Mr. Warchief looked back at Mr. Krog and Ms. Ben-Lin-Lin. Then he turned back and stared at Mr. Goblin and Mr. Ji for a minute. He looked really angry – I wish he wouldn’t get so upset!)
GARROSH – Did you really think I wasn’t going to find out?
SPAZZLE – (blinking) Um…?
JI – I don’t think I underst—
GARROSH – YOU keep quiet, Paddington. I’ll get to you. (turning back to Spazzle) Now then. Back to you.
SPAZZLE – Uh… okay…
GARROSH – See, I’ve had Krog here looking into a few security matters while I’ve been away. And, oh man, did he ever have an earful for me this morning.
SPAZZLE – Oh… So, um… what was Krog… uh… looking into, chie—
GARROSH- Don’t sit there and act like you don’t already know, dammit. Don’t insult my intelligence on top of everything else.
(Mr. Goblin started looking really nervous.)
GARROSH – (pointing to Ji) Now, THIS one I could understand, because seriously, who knows WHAT Stuffed-With-Fluff here is thinking any given day. But YOU? You’re the last one of ANY of these clowns I would have expected to go sneaking around behind my back.
SPAZZLE – I… sneaking around… (eyes going wide) Oh… oh frak…
GARROSH – OH FRAK IS RIGHT, whatever the fuck it means. Did you SERIOUSLY think I wasn’t going to find out you were getting mixed up in this Mokvar business?
SPAZZLE – I swear, boss, I only ever talked to Vol—V—ohl. Oh. Oh! Oh…yeah. The Mokvar business! Right. That’s…that’s what I’ve been doing, all right. Red-handed, yes sir. That is indeed the entirety of my suspect behavior, absolutely. Don’t, um, don’t know what I was thinking, chief! (slapping his own hand repeatedly) Bad! Bad Spazzle!
GARROSH – Dude, seriously, you are so fucking weird sometimes.
(Everyone’s so upset today! It makes me sad. =( )
JI – Garrosh, you shouldn’t be angry with Spazzle. I was the one that—
GARROSH – Believe me, Deep-Dish, there’s PLENTY of blame to go around. From what I can tell, you’ve BOTH been keeping plenty busy. MATTER OF FACT – Krog, you wanna give them the short version before they start getting a case of patchwork memory?
KROG – Yes, sir. (flipping through a note pad) Shortly after Eitrigg banished Mokvar—
GARROSH – Only good move the old prune made while I was away, by the way.
KROG – …Fizzletrinket was observed meeting with Mokvar and the human Deliana in Everlook, Winterspring.
SPAZZLE – Wait, how did you trail me to Everlook?
KROG – I’m a rogue. Work it out.
SPAZZLE – But why were you observing me?
KROG – I observe everyone.
GARROSH – He’s very thorough.
SPAZZLE – But I hadn’t done anything—
GARROSH – Until you did?
KROG – To continue… (flipping through pad again) No unusual behavior observed until some weeks later. A short time after the purge of Dalaran, Fizzletrinket is known to have reached out to Earthen Ring contacts in and around Orgrimmar. Shortly thereafter, Firepaw observed traveling to Earthen Ring outpost in Twilight Highlands. Subsequent investigation indicated Firepaw had approached Earthen Ring elders concerning locating Mokvar.
GARROSH – So. Here’s where one of you starts talking. I don’t really care which one.
(Mr. Goblin and Mr. Ji stared at the floor. Maybe they didn’t hear Mr. Warchief? Oh, or did someone drop something?)
GARROSH – Okay then. How about this. Why weeks of nothing, then all of a sudden you jump into Mokvar mode? Was it a signal? Some message he got to you somehow, maybe something you planned for at your little get-together in Winterspring?
JI – We haven’t heard anything from Mokvar, no…
GARROSH – I know he gave you something, Greenie. Some— what was it, Krog?
KROG – A small parcel, sir. Delivered to Fizzletrinket in Everlook. I wasn’t able to confirm what it was exactly.
GARROSH – Yeah. So…was that part of it? Or is it some other surprise I get to look forward to?
SPAZZLE – It… it was a totem.
GARROSH – Go on.
SPAZZLE – It’s called a recall totem. Shamans attune themselves to them so they can teleport back home with their Astral Recall spell.
GARROSH – And Mokvar was giving it to you because…?
SPAZZLE – So… when this was all over…he could bring himself home.
GARROSH – Oh, so you mean, back home to the place he got himself BANISHED from? And you just went right ahead and helped him set up to pop back into town and do spirits-knows-what he’s planning?
SPAZZLE – It doesn’t really matter at this point…
JI – You don’t know that.
GARROSH – What the hell does that mean?
SPAZZLE – The totem… the totem went out. It fizzled out. The spirit link between Mokvar and the totem was broken, and the only reason that would happen is if Mokvar was dead. Like, for-real dead.
JI – We still can’t be sure.
SPAZZLE – You only say that because you’re not a shaman. You don’t understand.
JI – I say it because I’m not a pessimist.
SPAZZLE – Anyway. That’s…that’s why we were trying to reach the Earthen Ring. To see if there was any way to find out for sure what happened to Mokvar.
GARROSH – You just said he’s dead. What else is there to know?
SPAZZLE – (shrugging) I don’t know.
GARROSH – Huh. Dead. (thinks) Good then. Best news I’ve heard all day.
BEN-LIN – Garrosh, please—
GARROSH – Not now, Ben.
BEN-LIN – If he is indeed gone, there is nothing to be gained from—
GARROSH – Ben, CAN it. So. You two. Why?
SPAZZLE – (staring down) I guess I just wanted to believe there was a reason for all the weird things he was doing.
BEN-LIN – Garrosh, it does not appear there was really any harm in—
GARROSH – DAMMIT, BEN, STOP ACTING LIKE MOKVAR WAS SOME POOR INNOCENT VICTIM! I still don’t understand half the shit he was doing, but I don’t need to. Dealing with some human, with that Neeru Fireblade…most of all cutting some kind of deal with MAGATHA. You haven’t been around that long, Ben, so I don’t expect you to have any idea what that MEANS—
BEN-LIN – I understand your anger, Garrosh. But what Ji and Spazzle have done—
GARROSH – IS THE SAME DAMN THING. (glaring back at Spazzle and Ji) Listen… I can deal with the bitching from Baine. And I can take it from Lorthe’motherfucker, because what else would I expect from him? And I can take it from Sylvanas, because let’s face it, she’s kind of evil anyway. They come with the job. I inherited them. But THEM… Spazzle and Mokvar… I CHOSE them. I fucking LET THEM IN. And now—
BEN-LIN – And now you feel betrayed and angry. I understand.
GARROSH – Is this where you give me one of your speeches about pushing the anger down and burying it, or some shit?
BEN-LIN – Not at all. Your emotions are real and valid. They cannot be contained and ignored, or they will only fester; they must be let out, and dealt with.
GARROSH – Listen, you’re here to help me try to talk sense to Double Stuff over there, not to start fortune cookie-ing on me.
SPAZZLE – Look, chief, I get why you’re mad, and I’m sorry…
JI – I’m not.
GARROSH – (blinking) Excuse me?
BEN-LIN – (facepawing) And here we go.
JI – I’m not sorry. Mokvar is my friend. He’s your friend, too. I don’t know why you’ve chosen to forget that, but I don’t regret trying to help him.
GARROSH – Lunchbox, maybe you just haven’t been paying attention to what the fuck’s been going on, or maybe it all just slipped out of your damn head, what with all the bacon fat you’ve got up there apparently—
SPAZZLE – Whew, and I thought I was in trouble up to a minute ago.
GARROSH – …but I tried to help Mokvar too, when all the weird crap started happening. I tried to PROTECT him – and he thanked me by running around with at least two and maybe three or four of enemies. If he was such a great friend, you want to explain to me why he’d be dealing with the likes of Magatha? Riddle me THAT one, Pudge.
JI – I don’t know.
GARROSH – Yeah, so—
JI – That doesn’t mean he had no reasons for doing what he did. It only means we don’t know what those reasons were. Until I find out, why should I assume the worst?
GARROSH – Because you’ve got an ounce of sense in your head? OH WAIT, APPARENTLY YOU DON’T.
JI – Garrosh, I don’t know all of what Mokvar was doing, but I know he’s a good man. So whatever he’s done, I’m willing to trust it was what he needed to do.
GARROSH – Yeah, well, that’s great, Second-Serving, but you know what? Some of us have to live in fucking REALITY-LAND.
JI – Garrosh—
GARROSH – Seriously, Ben, do you hear this shit?
BEN-LIN – I do.
GARROSH – I don’t know where he gets this crap.
BEN-LIN – We study it, sir.
GARROSH – Yeah, well— what?
BEN-LIN – Consider, Garrosh: I know – well, I suspect – you are already familiar with the Huojin philosophy of action, that challenges are to be faced directly and decisively.
GARROSH – Yeah, I remember one of you people yammering about that when you first got here.
JI – That was me.
GARROSH – It was?
JI – Yes, sir. Right before you made us fight an arena full of monsters.
GARROSH – Ah. Well then.
BEN-LIN – And while we hold to this ideal of decisive action, Garrosh, another key component for us is that those actions be based upon the world as it is, not as the world as we might wish it to be.
JI – Otherwise, you expend your energy trying to force square pegs into round holes, then raging at the pegs for not fitting.
BEN-LIN – It is a point I have tried to make with you before, Garrosh. Much of your anger, I feel, stems from insisting of the world, “This is not supposed to be happening this way,” then attempting to force it to happen some other way.
GARROSH – Funny, I feel pretty sure it stems from the fact that I’m surrounded by TRAITORS AND FUCKING MORONS.
KROG – Um…
GARROSH – Not you, K.
BEN-LIN – “Traitors and morons,” as you put it—
GARROSH – FUCKING morons. Not just garden variety.
BEN-LIN – …being a perception, you see, grounded on the insistence that those people’s choices and intellects should be something other than they are.
GARROSH – I… erm… what the FUCK does any of this have to do with fucking ANYTHING? I don’t even know what we’re fucking TALKING about!
JI – It’s not that complicated, Garrosh. Things happen in the right way, at the right time – when you let them, rather than struggling against them. Mokvar needed to act. So he followed the path that the world placed before him. Just as I, faced with a friend in danger, acted by following the path that was available to me.
BEN-LIN – According to Huojin, the greatest wrong would be not to act.
GARROSH – Oh for fuck’s sake… Well, whatever, Heaping-Helping, your “paths” or whatever have reached a dead end.
JI – Actually, I’d wanted to ask you, I was thinking—
GARROSH – Well DON’T. DON’T think. Just do what you’re fucking told for once. Starting with parking yourself at home and staying there. (turning to Krog) Krog – escort Stay-Puft here back to his house, and make sure he stays there. I’ll have a guard sent over to keep an eye on the door.
KROG – Yes, sir.
GARROSH – Consider yourself under house arrest until I decide what to do with you.
JI – But I think there still might be a—
GARROSH – THERE’S NOT. THE END. Now GO.
JI – If you say so, Garrosh. Time will tell, I suppose…
(Mr. Krog left with Mr. Ji. I’m confused. Everybody seems so upset and nervous and they’re yelling and arguing and nobody seems to be getting along even though we’re all friends and I don’t understand why. It gives me sad kitty face. =( )
SPAZZLE – Really, chief, try not to be too hard on him. He’s just been worried since Mokvar disappeared, and—
GARROSH – Why are you talking like you’re off the hook now yourself?
SPAZZLE – Um…
GARROSH – You can count yourself lucky that, far as I can see, you’ve mostly just been the messenger in all this. And BOTH of you are lucky Mokvar’s gone to the big rez timer in the sky, otherwise I wouldn’t be nearly so generous with either one of you. But you, Short Stack, you can consider yourself under house arrest too while I cool down. Just so happens, I’m not so worried about you trying to skip town before I post the guard.
SPAZZLE – Uh…yeah, okay, chief… I guess I can keep myself busy online for a while, while you…you know…think things over.
GARROSH – I mean, seriously, with all the time you spend on Earth Online, you’ve practically been on self-imposed house arrest almost the whole time I’ve known you. You’ll live.
BEN-LIN – I think it is wise that you are not rushing to a decision with angry, Garrosh.
GARROSH – Yeah, whatever, Ben. Anyway, Spazzle, you get your tail back home pronto. I need to go track down Faranell and see if he’s finished those tests on Shayari yet.
BEN-LIN – Shayari?
SPAZZLE – Yeah, she’s… (stopping himself, looking to Garrosh) Um, that is…
GARROSH – (shrugging) Whatever, I’d end up telling her anyway. Shayari’s my daughter. We think.
BEN-LIN – Your… you have a daughter, Garrosh?
SPAZZLE – It’s okay if you need to sit down. I did at first.
GARROSH – Yeah, we think so. Faranell’s doing his tests now, but her story seems to check out.
BEN-LIN – I see. (thinking) Well then. I will clear my schedule for the next week.
GARROSH – Turns out, she was born back in Nagrand when I was like eighteen, only I never knew about her until just a few days ago.
BEN-LIN – So…you have a long-lost, newfound…teenage daughter?
GARROSH – Yeah.
BEN-LIN – Very well. The next two weeks.
SPAZZLE – You haven’t heard the best part yet.
BEN-LIN – Oh dear.
GARROSH – Uh, yeah, she’s…kind of…well, her mother was draenei. Shayari was living with the Alliance in Dalaran until, you know, the shit hit the fan and Jaina kicked her out…
BEN-LIN – A month. One month, but that is as far as I can go.
GARROSH – Anyhow. I need to go find the doc. Might as well get this confirmed, as if there’s any doubt left at this point, what with how Mortimer is doting over her. I’ll expect you back at your house before the guard gets there. Don’t make me come looking for you, Greenie.
(Mr. Warchief left, still grumbling a little.)
BEN-LIN – A daughter… why that is… How old did you say she is?
SPAZZLE – Seventeen, I think.
BEN-LIN – Goodness, that is…that is simply remarkable! And he had no idea until now?
SPAZZLE – You wouldn’t ask that if you’d seen the shade of gray he turned when he found out.
BEN-LIN – My word… This is astounding! Garrosh reunited with an unknown daughter, from across faction lines! I scarcely have words for it!
SPAZZLE – Huh. You know, not for anything, but you seem really jazzed about this.
BEN-LIN – Are you kidding? (beaming) This is going to put my grandchildren through college.
[A quick update on the Transmogs for Shayari contest! First of all, thank you to the many readers who have already sent in outfits for Shay – they’ve been great so far, so keep them coming! I just wanted to correct an error that I noticed in the original announcement: I had listed the deadline for the contest as Saturday, February 27. This is problematic, in that February 27 is not a Saturday. Don’t ask me what happened there. I was probably having another one of my many episodes. At any rate, I figure I may as well err on the side of giving people more time rather than less, so let’s revise the due date to the next Saturday after the 27th, which would be March 1.
I think. Hang on.
<checks calendar all paranoid-like>
Yes, there we go. So, officially: the deadline for the Transmogs for Shay contest is SATURDAY, MARCH 1! Get thee to mogging!]