Archive for lor’themar

Spazzle Speaks: Family Ties

Posted in Spazzle Speaks, Transcripts with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 9, 2014 by Garrosh Hellscream

earthonline12

You have logged on.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] That’s what I told him, but I think we may just have to humor him for the time being.

[Officer][Lorthemar] Once we finish our work on the animus golem here, we should be able to augment our resources.

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] thanks!

[Officer][Lorthemar] Oh, hello, Spazzle.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] You -do- seem to have been spending a lot of time on that of late.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Good evening, Spazzle.

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] np

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] hey guys

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Hey, mon.

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] anyway hate to craft and run but i need to log for now

[Officer][Lorthemar] Well I suspect it’s going to yield some very useful results, once Aethas gets done with it.

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: hey

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: how are you feeling?

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] later leslie

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] i have some magic research to go work on

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] how’s everyone doing?

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Better, mon.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] You’ll have to keep me posted of your progress.

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: I jus’ got one ting I got to do here in Pandaria, den I be ready to come back to Durotar.

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] too bad prof’s not on, he could probably help you

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Start workin’ on cleanin’ up da mess dere.

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] lol oh dont get me started with him again

[Officer][Lorthemar] Oh, speaking of which, it looks like Jaina is doing some magic research herself.

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: that’s good, I’m glad you’re almost recovered

[ProfHubert | Faranell] has logged on.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Something of a quiet night tonight, Spazzle.

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: What about you, mon? I haven’t heard much from ya in a while.

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] oh hey there he is

[Officer][Lorthemar] Now I just have to see…

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: eh, it’s just been kinda crazy here

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] omg i’m leaving so dont try to get him started

[Guild][Lorthemar] What kind of research, Leslie?

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: I bet, mon.

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: i’m in the burning steppes with garrosh

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: looking for ji

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] started on what?

[Guild][Lorthemar] I’ve been working with a number of mages myself of late.

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: we just landed in flame crest a little while ago

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Ah, well it’s good to see him logging on, I suppose.

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] leslie’s doing some kind of magic research

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Ya talk to Ariok dere, mon?

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] who, faranell? why’s that?

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] oh its actually really cool lor

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I’m actually not entirely clear on the details, Spazzle.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] One moment.

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: no, he’s not here, that’s the thing

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell] well that should be…adequate.

[Guild][Lorthemar] Oh? How so?

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: vahgruk says ji came here a couple days ago

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: i guess ariok went with him to blackrock spire to look for clues about mokvar

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Yes, Leslie, this sounds interesting indeed. What are you working on, pray tell?

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] ok my dungeon queue just popped, probably going to be quiet for a few

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] omg prof geez

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Might be some fireworks is ya find ’em, mon. Ariok ain’t no fan o’ da Warchief.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] At any rate.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Evidently there was some sort of calamity at the Apothecarium earlier.

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: yeah, so I hear

[Officer][Lorthemar] I must admit, if it weren’t necessary for us to be discreet about who we are, I would love to lord our animus research over her.

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] what kind of calamity?

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Matter of fact, mon –

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Ariok heard how Garrosh been treatin’ Eitrigg, he might take care of our ‘Warchief’ problems himself.

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] well

[Officer][Lorthemar] You know she would burn up with jealousy if she knew what we have on our hands.

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: I’m not going to… I don’t even know what you’re suggesting, but I’m not going to

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I’m not sure; the good doctor has been rather secretive the last few days.

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] not to brag but

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] we drained the power of the thunder king into a staff!

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: I know ya don’ wanna hear it, mon, but da sooner we do somethin’ ’bout Garrosh, da easier it gonna be for all of us.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Though I’m not likely to complain – whatever is going on down there has prompted Bragor Bloodfist to spend much of his time in the Apothecarium as well, which means less time with him hovering around me.

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Garrosh wouldn’t help Ji.

[Officer][Lorthemar] …

[Officer][Lorthemar] klsjdhfgkjshgdfskjhgfkjsdfgkjhsgfd

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Ariok is.

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: I understand why.

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] huh, okay

[Officer][Lorthemar] she

[Officer][Lorthemar] she drained the power… of…

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Ariok see Ji, an’ all he know is he’s Horde, and he need help, and he gonna give it to ’im.

You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: hey

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Garrosh, he don’ see tings dat way.

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] anyway!

[Officer][Lorthemar] 9oqwuolieyurgt;poayhgbihgbolugf

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] i need to run!

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Garrosh don’t see nothin’ but power an’ vengeance, mon.

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: He don’t see da Horde like Ariok, or me. Or you.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] A propos of nothing, Lor’themar, you strike me as someone who might know a thing or two about fine dining. Would you happen to know what type of wine goes best with crow?

[ProfHubert | Faranell] whispered: well hello, person who’s never talked to me before but now takes a sudden inexplicable interest.

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina] see everyone soon!

[Proudleslie | Jaina] has logged off.

[SteveKravitz | Utvoch] has logged on.

You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: um, yeah, sorry

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Da way I see it, da Horde is family.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Good evening, Dontrag.

[Officer][Lorthemar] I… just… she… HOW?

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Interesting.

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Da world knock us down, family pick each other back up again.

[Officer][Lorthemar] What?!

[Officer][Lorthemar] HOW?

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] hey

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Three excellent questions, Regent-Lord.

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Garrosh, he don’t see family.

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Don’t understand it.

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Never had one.

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] but i’m utvoch

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh, is that your alias, then?

[Officer][Lorthemar]  I think I need to go lie down.

You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: I just heard about the… whatever, down in the apothecarium

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] lol what?

[Officer][Lorthemar]  This is not good for my rage.

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: you never met lakkara, did you?

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Well, it’s a curious thing, Dontrag.

You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: is everything okay?

[Lorthemar] has logged off.

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Who dat, mon?

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Just now, Jaina Proudmoore logged off. And a few seconds later, you logged on.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Or should I say, you logged -back- on.

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] yeah i logged back in, haven’t gotten to play in a couple days

[ProfHubert | Faranell] whispered: i’ll manage.

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: never mind

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh come now, Dontrag.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Or whoever you really are.

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]: anyway, we’ve been over this before

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] that would be utvoch

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] So you would have us believe.

You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: what about shay? is she okay?

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: I ain’t gonna keep on ya, mon.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Do you really think we wouldn’t put two and two together?

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] well no, two and two is pretty easy math

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] And yet far greater than the calculus of your deception would presume us capable of!

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] um what?

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispers: Ya a good mon, Spazzle. I know ya don’ wanna turn on someone ya tink is a friend.

[ProfHubert | Faranell] whispers: i’m sure shayari is wonderful, wherever she is.

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispers: Ya be loyal. Dat’s a good ting.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] How long have you been Jaina Proudmoore, Dontrag?

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] dontrag’s not even here

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh no? Then to whom am I speaking? Are you -still- Jaina Proudmoore?

You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: wait

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Nay, have you in fact been Jaina Proudmoore lo this entire time in the guild?

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered: Time gonna come, though, ya gonna have ta decide how long ya gonna be loyal ta Garrosh, when he ain’t loyal ta us.

You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: wait

You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: what???

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] no i mean dontrag is over in the valley of honor visiting his nephew ug’thok

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] he should be on soon though

You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: where is she??

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh come now, Dontrag, don’t insult our intelligence.

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] why would i do that

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] If you’re going to make up a cover story, at least keep your lies straight.

[ProfHubert | Faranell] whispered: that’s the 5000g question, now isn’t it?

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] We all know Utvoch isn’t your nephew.

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] what

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] no no not utvoch, ug’thok

You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: what happened??

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Don’t try to hide behind an obvious typographical error, Dontrag.

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] i’m utvoch

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Or are you Ug’thok?

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Or perhaps Ig’thak?

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Or Jig’nak?

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Or – as the trail grows clearer – JAINA!

[ProfHubert | Faranell] whispered: well, she was settling in well enough, and we were starting to go over a few lessons.

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] i’m confused

[GilbertRose | Dontrag] has logged on.

[ProfHubert | Faranell] whispered: she seemed to be taking more of an interest in azerothian geography, but i figured she was curious about the lay of the land in her new home, so i ran through an overview for her.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh, and here’s your alleged nephew.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Or might it be Kalecgos? All bets are off at this point.

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] um, whats going on?

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] who’s kalecgos?

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] WHO INDEED!

[ProfHubert | Faranell] whispered: and evidently, she spotted a vacation destination that looked too good to pass up, because off she went.

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] what the hell?

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] But one thing at a time!

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] We were just discussing, Utvoch, how your uncle, heretofore known by his alias of “Dontrag,” has at last been exposed!

You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: you can’t be serious

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] dammit ut what did you do

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] i swear i just logged on

You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: you let her run away?!

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] As his true identity, Jaina Proudmoore!

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] and said where you were

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] wait, what about jaina?

[ProfHubert | Faranell] whispered: i didn’t LET her do anything.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] The woman who has incurred the rightful wrath of the Horde!

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] isn’t that the lady that was in all those tabloids with thrall?

[ProfHubert | Faranell] whispered: as the swollen purple region on my head will readily attest.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Ruthlessly persecuted our citizens in Dalaran!

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Indeed! Sullied the good name of a beloved Warchief!

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] ok but what about her?

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Don’t act like you don’t know, Ug’thok.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] If that -is- your real name.

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] wait, ug’thok is my nephew

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] that’s what i tried to tell her

[ProfHubert | Faranell] whispered: incidentally, i’ll be sending garrosh the bill for the repairs to my jaw.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] No, Ug’thok is -Dontrag’s- nephew.

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] right but i’m dontrag

[ProfHubert | Faranell] whispered: it was brand new, too.

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] and i’m utvoch

[ProfHubert | Faranell] whispered: typical.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Now don’t be ridiculous, the both of you.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Why, if -you- were Utvoch, Dontrag, then that would mean that you are also Dontrag’s nephew.

You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: man seriously

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] no that’s ug’thok not utvoch

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] And clearly you could not be his nephew.

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] right because we’re not related

You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: you have GOT to find her

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Because JAINA PROUDMOORE IS NO ONE’S NEPHEW!

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] ok you know, i’ve been out of my dungeon for a while, but i’m just sitting here in awe, BQ

[ProfHubert | Faranell] whispered: capital idea. how do you suggest i do that?

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] um

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] …

You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: I… I don’t know, can’t you home in on her or something?

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] i’m really confused

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] It therefore stands to reason, Dontrag, that since you are Jaina, and as such cannot be Utvoch, it must therefore be Dontrag who is Utvoch, and therefore your nephew.

[ProfHubert | Faranell] whispered: this isn’t some sci-fi/fantasy novel, i can’t just wave a magic wand.

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] my eyes are starting to hurt

[ProfHubert | Faranell] whispered: well i can. but you know what i mean.

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] but how can he be my nephew, i’m an only child

You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: dude really

You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: that time I lost a BOOK garrosh loaned me, he beat me till I was green and brown

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] SEE? And the tangled web of your would-be deception comes further unraveled!

[ProfHubert | Faranell] whispered: aren’t you always green and brown?

You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: a DARKER SHADE – goblins bruise differently, ok??

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] i think i need some grog

You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: the point is, that was just a book – you lost his DAUGHTER, man!

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] yea me to

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] are you having fun?

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Perhaps you can conjure some, Jaina.

You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: ugh I need to go

You whispered to [ProfHubert | Faranell]: you need to get on this, really

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] um

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Does it show? ^_^

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] whatever

[SteveKravitz | Utvoch] has logged off.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] At any rate.

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] i guess we’ll be back later.

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] I need to take off – see you later

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I’m glad we cleared all this up.

[GilbertRose | Dontrag] has logged off.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Take care, Spazzle.

[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin] Dark Lady, I jus’ gotta say, dat was beautiful.

You have logged off.

 

 

[Addendum!  Remember, we have our next Meta Raid coming up this Saturday at 8:00 PM EDT.  Just as a logistical matter, I'd appreciate it if anyone who thinks they're likely to attend would let me know, whether it be through a comment, an e-mail, a message on Twitter, or what-have-you.  Looking forward to "seeing" many of you over the weekend!]

30 Days of Character Development #6: Mylune

Posted in 30 Days of Character Development with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 1, 2014 by Garrosh Hellscream

[Each week -- or some remote facsimile thereof -- a post will profile one of the blog’s many supporting players.  (See the first profile for more details.)  Feel free to chime in with recommendations for other characters you’d like to see more about.]

 

mylune_profile1Name:  Mylune

Occupation:  Caretaker of Hyjal, wildlife custodian

Race:  Forest nymph

Class:  Druid

Age:  Unknown, though her behavior would suggest fairly young by nymph standards

Group affiliations:  Guardians of Hyjal (member), Cenarion Circle (member)

Known relatives:  Cenarius (exact relationship unclear, but all forest nymphs are descended from dryads, who are daughters of Cenarius)

Earth Online notes:  Mercifully, no one has told Mylune about Earth Online.  Or possibly about the internet.  Probably for the best in both cases.

First appearance:  “Of wyverns and pine cones

Key posts and plot points:

  • Garrosh has only encountered Mylune a few times, but those few times have been memorable ones.  He first met everyone’s favorite overly energetic nymph in “Of wyverns and pine cones,” in which Mylune was a bit too excited to meet Mortimer.  This came as a shock to no one — least of all Hamuul Runetotem — other than the Warchief himself.
  • Garrosh had another run-in with Mylune (much to his chagrin) a few months later, in “Attack of the petting zoo.”  This time around, Mylune unleashed her boundless affection on a pack of armed critters dwelling amid the northern plateaus of Mulgore.  This time, however, the critters were ready to put up a fight, the distress of which eventually launched Mylune into what can only be described as a psychotic episode.  For the record, Hamuul narrowly missed winning Malfurion’s office pool on when she would snap.
  • It only follows, then, that when Ben-Lin Cloudstrider organized an anger management seminar in the appropriately named “Anger management,” Mylune would be one of the attendees.  Given that the session consisted of putting Mylune, Garrosh, Lor’thermar Theron, and Tirion Fordring in a room together…well…the exercise proved less than productive.  Unless, of course, you’re Faranell, in which case it was a terrific way to spend an afternoon.

In her own words:

What are your most prominent physical features?

Hi!  How are you?  I hope you’re having a super happy wonderful day, because why wouldn’t you when we have this beautiful world to share with all our adorable woodland friends!

Oh… Did you ask a question?  Okay!  Well, I guess I have extra big blue eyes — for looking out for all the cuddly animals!  And my long pointed ears…to listen for the cuddly animals!  And…oh, and my slender but surprisingly steel-trap-like arms, for hugging the cuddly animals!  They’re just so sweet and cute, so how could I resist!  And hug them to my bosom!  Nice and close to my heart, that’s big and warm and just bursting with love for the animals!  Does that count too?

Name one scar you have, and tell us where it came from.  If you don’t have any, is there a reason?

I do have this one little scar on my shoulder here, but you know?  It’s a funny thing!  I don’t really remember where it came from.  Isn’t that weird?

Describe your happiest memory.

Ohhh that would have to be the first time I went up to Nordrassil.  It was before that mean demon guy climbed up there and made everyone sad for a while, and I’ll always remember walking through the passage to the peak of Mount Hyjal, and seeing all the animals running around and playing, just bunnies and squirrels and raccoons and skunks and chipmunks and OH MY LUNE they were all so adorable, and the sun was shining and the birds were singing, and like three rainbows all appeared in the sky, and I just ran and ran all around with the animals and we played and hugged and snuggled and it was all such a big happy wonderful blur but Mal says it was okay because eventually I passed out from exhaustion and finally got quiet and also because ale.

Is there one event or happening you would like to erase from your past?  Why?

The incident.  Only Miss Cloudy-bear said I should try not to think about the incident.  So, what?

What’s your favorite ice cream flavor?  Color?  Song?  Flower?

Coffee ice cream — I really really like coffee, did you know it helps give you extra energy?  Isn’t that just super?!  And my favorite color is green, and my favorite song is…oh, you know that one?  It always seems to be playing when you walk through the forests.  You know the one?  It goes like this — laaa, la la la laaaaa, la la la laah, luh la lahhh?  It’s so pretty!  I don’t really understand where it’s coming from, though.

mylune2Who do you trust?

Hamuul, and Malfurion, even though Hamuul can be all my cranky-hooves sometimes.  And Mal always seems to be hovering around watching me like he’s looking for something, but I know it’s just because he cares.  I trust all my forest nymph sisters, too, even though a lot of them don’t really hang out with me much.

Can you define a turning point in your life?  Multiples are acceptable.

The incident.  OH MY LUNE!  Why do you keep bringing up the incident?!  I’m not supposed to think about that!  What?  What incident?  Happy thoughts!  HAPPY THOUGHTS!

Is there an animal you equate to yourself?

<Mylune’s eyes go large and dewy>

I have to pick ONE?  But they’re all so SQUEEEEEEE!

How do you react to temperature changes such as extreme heat and cold?

I don’t deal with cold as well as my cousins the frost nymphs, but I really, REALLY don’t like extreme heat!  That’s sounds like something from those burny guys from the Firelands!  You’re not with THEM, are you?!

Are you an early morning bird or a night owl?

I’m always up bright and early!  Why waste the warm snuggly sunlight?

Are you a good cook?  What’s your favorite recipe?

OH MY LUNE why do you keep trying to talk about the incident?  What’s WRONG with you?  Okay, you know what!  Fine!  FINE!  YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT?  WE’LL TALK ABOUT IT!  SO YEAH, I’M GOOD MOTHERFUCKING COOK, AS IF YOU DIDN’T ALREADY FUCKING KNOW!  AND YOU KNOW WHAT I COOK REALLY WELL, IT TURNS OUT?  RABBIT FUCKING STEW!  BECAUSE GUESS WHAT, ASSHOLE — SPOILER ALERT: THE DEATH OF THE SOUL TASTES FUCKING DELICIOUS!

Do you have any irrational fears?

Gee, I don’t know, what do you think — maybe I have a deep-seeded fear of HAVING ANOTHER FUCKING BLACKOUT AND WAKING UP AMID THE BODIES AGAIN?  YOU THINK MAYBE THAT KEEPS ME UP AT NIGHT?

What would your cutie mark be?

Oooh, well, maybe a heart or a rainbow, or, hey, HOW ABOUT A FUCKING SKULL AND CROSSBONES, BECAUSE WHY THE FUCK NOT IF YOU’RE GOING TO KEEP BRINGING IT UP, YOU FUCKING SON OF A BITCH!

mylune_profile2If you could time travel, where would you go?

WHERE THE HELL DO YOU THINK I WOULD GO, ASSHOLE?  MAYBE BACK TO THE GODDAMN INCIDENT YOU WON’T STOP FUCKING TALKING ABOUT!  MAYBE I’D LIKE TO TAKE THAT ONE BACK, YA THINK?!

Are you superstitious?

I know karma’s a bitch, I can tell you THAT much!

Describe your hands.  Are they small, long, calloused, smooth, stubby?

COVERED WITH DARK RED STAINS OF LOST INNOCENCE THAT WILL NEVER, EVER COME OUT.  I WASH THEM, AND WASH THEM, AND THEY NEVER COME OUT.

How do you smell?  Do you wear perfume or cologne?

Um… <deep breath>  Smell?  Oh, like smelling salts?  Um…yes, those might be handy.  They’re usually pretty helpful.

Is…is Hamuul around anywhere?  I think I need to talk to him.  I don’t know if the herbs Miss Cloudy-bear gave me are working…

 

Previous Profiles:

  1. Spazzle Fizzletrinket
  2. Ben-Lin Cloudstrider
  3. Dontrag and Utvoch
  4. Taktani
  5. Korrina

* * * * *

[A few quick OOC notes looking ahead:  I have a big stack of material on the way (hopefully) over the next week-plus, then, the weekend after next, remember that we have our next Meta Raid.  Clear your (raid) calendars for Saturday, May 10, at 8:00 PM EDT!

That Saturday (May 10) will also mark the beginning of a short break I'll be taking from posting -- I'm going to take the following week off to tend to RL commitments and do some advance prepping for the next stretch of posts.  To send you off with a bang, though, and to add an extra perk to the Meta Raid, I'm going to have one last post going up that night, right as we're gathering for our night of SoO hijinks.  (Place your bets now on whether I'm going to cook up something to leave you hanging for a bit...)]

Monday mailbag

Posted in Mailbag with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 30, 2013 by Garrosh Hellscream

mailbag29

Okay, people, it’s been WAY too long since I’ve dipped into the ol’ mailbag, and I have a HUGE backlog of letters, so let’s get right to it, shall we?

 

Hail Warchief!

The Feast of Winter Veil is approaching, and it made me think. What do you hope to get from Greatfather Winter this year? Do you have any special family traditions? I look forward to seeing Orgrimmar all decorated for the festivities.
Happy Holidays!

–Lorewalker Shara

PS you may want to avoid using tinsel to decorate around Mortimer, unless you like festive poop! Might be a good idea to keep Taktani away from it too, thinking about it.

Hey, Shara, thanks for writing.  Hopefully Orgrimmar is looking all Winter Veily these days.  I’ll be back for a check-in soon, but I’m probably only going to make it back to town JUST in time to catch the end of the festivities.  As for my wish list… I remember addressing this point a couple years ago, and most of the stuff on that list still stands – especially Varian and Magatha’s heads on pikes – but there are a few more things I can think of that I might add to the list for this year.

  • An actual explanation that makes sense for what the hell was going on with Mokvar while I was away.
  • A wireless network here in Pandaria that’s actually reliable, so I can log onto Earth Online without it being a fucking comedy show.
  • An on-site goblin tech guy who can maintain that network without the whole thing going kablooey and spitting out two burnt pieces of toast every time there’s a breeze, because let me tell you, Grizzle Gearslip ain’t happening.

Come to think of it, so far all of these could pretty much be covered if I could get a bunch more Spazzles.  Because really, as much as I clown on the guy, he actually knows what he’s doing and gets shit done, and unlike half these other jokers, I don’t have to worry about him running around behind my back doing spirits-know-what.  So, other additions to the list:

  • A scribe that doesn’t have traitorous tendencies, a busted-up writing hand, or the disposition of a six-year-old on a sugar high from eating all the Hallow’s End candy EVER.
  • The secret to controlling the sha.
  • A First War commemorative chess set.  This is the normal-sized, less creepy version of the chess set Medivh had over in Karazhan.  It’s been rumored to be in the works for years, and I’ve finally started to see them showing up on ebAH.  Yes, I play chess.  Don’t act all surprised, for fuck’s sake.
  • Varian’s head on a pike.  Did I mention this one?

As far as having family traditions for Winter Veil…not really.  I mean, keep in mind, Winter Veil is a pretty recent thing for us Mag’har.  We didn’t have Winter Veil back in Nagrand, so we only started picking it up at all after Thrall came out to Garadar a few years ago.  Greatmother Geyah really has taken a liking to it, but that’s about it.  Plus, not to get maudlin and shit, but it’s kind of hard to have family traditions when you don’t really have a family.  I mean, I never knew my dad, and my mom died when I was young.  I’m an only child.  As far as I know.  Assuming Grom wasn’t a bigger pimp than anybody’s given him credit for.  Anyhow, point being, Greatmother is pretty much the only family I’ve got nowadays, and even SHE’s not a blood relation – she’s just the one that raised me after Lakkara died.  So, yeah.  AREN’T YOU HAPPY YOU BROUGHT THAT UP?  BET YOU FEEL PROUD.

 

Greetings Warchief!

I am in desperate need of your assistance. I approached Regent Lord Lor’themar with my issue but he said that it was beyond his scope and directed me to contact you.

I recently inherited a house and it is in terrible need of redecoration. You have done a great deal of renovation recently and I was wondering if you could give me some tips to make my house look amazing. Attached is a picture of the house.

WoWScrnShot_112313_213143

Thanks,

–Tegwin

Grats on the new house, Tegwin.  Not so grats on the place looking like such a shithole.  Because, yeah, that place needs some work.  I mean, seriously…the wispy, billowy day-glow curtains?  A bearskin rug with the bear head still attached?  Strewn out there like you’re getting ready to do a photo shoot you already know you’re going to regret in five years?  And… Is…is that a hookah?  Just sitting there, right out in the open, in the living room?  What are you, one semester removed from college and stuck with a slacker troll roommate who keeps swearing he’ll have his half of the rent this month, and this time he means it, mon, only you know perfectly well that’s not happening because felweed’s a hell of a drug?

So, okay, a few things.  You have to lose the pastels, first of all.  I know that probably goes against every last one of your blood elf sensibilities, but trust me on this.  You want strong, commanding colors – the kind that will make people think “Holy fuck, some serious shit goes on in this place” when they walk in.  Lots of reds and grays.  Err on the side of darker.  Go too dark with the red and you get a bloody crimson, which is still pretty badass.  Go too light and you get pink.  See where I’m going with this?

Mount some weapons on the walls.  If you haven’t cleaned them lately and they’ve got some bloodstains, all the better.  It adds to the color scheme I’m talking about, plus it conveys a message of “This person is not to be fucked with.”  Spikes.  You can never have too many spikes.  Or skulls.  Get some skulls in there.  If you can carve up the body of one of your enemies and, say, make their skull into a chair for yourself, awesome.  Or maybe turn their bones into an end table.  A hat rack will do in a pinch.  If you haven’t killed any notable enemies lately, but you’ve got an infamous foe that you really only know by reputation but somebody in your family killed, and you have THEIR remains somewhere handy, that’s just as good, because that fucker was brought down by your bloodline (AGAIN NOTICE THE BLOOD MOTIF) and you totally deserve to share credit for the accomplishment.

This is all for your living room, of course, and I know my tastes can be a little hardcore.  I figured you might want to take it down a notch or two for your bedroom, so I went to Garona to get a woman’s opinion.  Didn’t get very far, though.  I told her I had a question about the bedroom and tried to ask her if she matches her rugs and curtains, or words to that effect, but she just got all pissy for some reason.  So, not much help there.  I seriously don’t know what’s up with her sometimes.

Speaking of which…

 

Dear Warchief,

I’m writing this letter to you in secret and I hope it gets to you and I’m not killed in the process.  *looks around*

It’s about Garona Halforcen.  Sir, she scares the everliving shi—uh—crap out of me.  *looks around again*

I happened upon some history stuff about her and now I’m all confused.  She was there when the first invasion from the Dark Portal, then she had a kid with an old man, and she is half-orc, half-dradne dranin demon *looks up spelling* DRAENAI.  (She looks like an orc.  Smells like one too.  I don’t see it.)

Now I’m all confused and sitting in a dark tunnel with a lot of thinking time had me thinking about her again.

What I want to know…*looks around*

How old is she?  She’s got to be like….ANCIENT.  *hides paper, looks around*

She doesn’t make sense and I don’t want to ask her.  She’s scary.

–Ruekie, Shaman In Training

PS:  There’s a lot of talk lately with the orc kids about the Red Pox, and if there is something scarier than Garona it’s that. I heard you had it once. Did it hurt? Can you get it again? Can we get it? Can an outbreak happen again? Too many questions and we are getting freaked out. Like FREAKED out. Really.

Okay, first of all… Um, Ruekie, you realize we were JUST in those caves all alone and out of earshot of Garona, right?  Not sure why you didn’t just ask your questions THEN, but whatever.  Kids.

First, the Red Pox?  No, seriously, you don’t want to get into the Red Pox, that was just a bad scene all around.  I don’t know why you kids would be talking about it now, but really, just let that shit die.  Nobody needs to be digging up THOSE memories for anybody.

Okay, now that that’s settled, on to your main point.  Yeah, I’ll grant you the scary thing with Garona.  Scariest bitch I know who hasn’t come back from the dead.  Although it’s probably a sad statement about my life that the list of people I know who HAVE come back from dead is a lot longer than you would figure.  Because – I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this before – NOBODY STAYS FUCKING DEAD ANYMORE.

Anyway, here’s the deal with Garona.  Yeah, she’s half orc, half draenei.  Back in the day, Gul’dan bred an orc and a draenei to create a personal assassin – enter Garona.  Yeah, she looks mostly orcish, but I guess these racial mixes are kind of a crap shoot as far as which race’s physical traits you get.

Anyhow, to tell you the truth, I’m not sure exactly when Gul’dan actually orchestrated her birth.  I know it was definitely before the Dark Portal opened, and that was about 30 years ago, but before that, there was a window of about 20 years when Gul’dan was up to some Really Bad Shit, so the breeding experiment could have happened anywhere in there.  Let’s shave off the first couple years to give Gul’dan time to come up with this idea and for Garona to be brought to term.  That would mean that Garona would have to be anywhere from, say, 32 (She’s not.  Seriously.  I’m 35.  There’s no damn way she’s younger than me.) to around 48 or so.  Anywhere in between, your guess is as good as mine.

Hang on, though – this gets more complicated when you add the fact that Gul’dan had Garona aged magically so that she could get right to work, no childhood needed.  Swell guy, huh?  Anyway, the age of adulthood among orcs varies a little from clan to clan, usually somewhere from 13 to 15.  (Yeah, I know, kid, can you believe it?  Technically you’re an adult.  Hard to imagine you’re a grown-up, huh?  Well, let me clue you in on a little secret: That thought won’t stop seeming weird for another 20 years.)  So that would mean, however old Garona is according to the calendar, she really has the body of a woman 13-some-odd years older.  So now we’re looking at a physical age putting her somewhere between 45 and, like, 60-something.  Which is kind of a big deal when you consider that 70 is about as old as you could reasonably hope to live as an orc, even if you do a perfect job taking care of yourself.

Oh, but hang on, we’re not done yet.  It’s about to get more complicated.  (Don’t look at me – I didn’t make this shit up.)  Because, see, since Garona has that draenei half, her aging is even more fucked up.  Draenei live for…like…forever.  I mean seriously, I think the average draenei lifespan is something like “infinity minus twelve.”  So you mix THOSE genes in with our good, wholesome “70 if you’re super lucky” orcish genes, and…well… You’ve got a woman who’s technically, like, 40, only with the body of a 53-year-old, only not really because 53 doesn’t mean anywhere near the same thing to the draenei part of her, so…um… Who the fuck knows?

She’s old, okay?  Only she’s kind of not.  Only she is.  Whatever – you go figure it out.  Meanwhile I’m going to go check around the room and make sure there aren’t any whooshing sounds coming from the corners.

 

The following is written in elegant, but slightly shaky, cursive script on pale peach-colored parchment paper

My dear little Roshy,

How are you doing? I have missed you. It’s beautiful here in Nagrand – we’re having the most glorious late-fall weather.  I hope all is well in Orgrimmar.

Why didn’t you tell me you have a girlfriend?  Sounds serious too… She has been sending me letters telling me about how deeply in love you both are, and has included many pictures of you with little hearts and flowers drawn on them.  She says you’re getting married in the spring?  Why didn’t you mention it?  You would think you’d keep your own family informed, dear.  We’ll have to have a little chat the next time you visit.  You are coming home for Winter Veil, are you not?

Also, you should take some pictures of the two of you together.  And perhaps find a new photo studio.  These look like they were printed on magazine paper instead of proper photo paper.  I can’t properly frame them for display, especially not with the lipstick kisses smeared all over them.

All my love,

–Greatmother Geyah.

Hold on, hold on, what… how the… it… GODDAMMIT, SOMEBODY IS FALSIFYING RECORDS OF THEIR WARCHIEF, and…and…  Oh fucking hell, now I’m going to have to go out there and explain Photoshop to her.  It was bad enough when I had the bright idea to try to show her the internet.  Nothing in my e-mail for two months but forwarded pictures of wyverns asking for cheeseburgers.  And WHO is this woman who’s…ugh.  You know what?  I don’t even think I want to know.  Even though I can probably think of a couple likely suspects.

Now I’m just imagining somewhere in Orgrimmar there’s a dim, candle-lit room with walls covered by pictures of me, and…no, no, don’t even go any further with that, Garrosh.  That way madless lies.

And now on top of everything, I have to squeeze in a trip to Nagrand before Winter Veil totally runs out on me, or I’m never going to hear the end of it.  Ugh.  Maybe I’ll bring Gurtash, and see if I can maybe distract her a little with the cute kid factor.  Or Ruekie?  I bet she’d like Ruekie.  Plus Rook might want someplace to hide anyway, what with her probably having Garona out for her head as soon as this post goes live.

 

Very good to hear you have escaped the Saurok caves unharmed. The Horde would be in a very dire position if we were to lose our leader.

I do have one question. Have you ever thought of asking a mage if they could manage to conjure lemon squares? I have no complaints, but the same old sticky buns are a bit tiring after some time (not to mention they turn stale and hard as a rock after some time sitting in a bag). Perhaps you should collaborate with my wife? I am sure she would be very good to collaborate with, or maybe another mage closer to your location.

Regards,

–Shen-Wei Pureblossom

Thanks for writing, Shen-Wei.  You know, I HAVE thought of this lemon squares angle before, but here’s the thing.  First off, there was a point around this time last year that I really thought Gija down in the Cleft of Shadow was on to something, but the problem is, lemon squares don’t really lend themselves to conjuring, apparently.  I mean, you can abracadabra up some pastries that are sorta, KINDA in the same ballpark as lemon squares, but you can tell they’re not the real thing.  It’s like the drop-off from real leather to that fake shit that the damn DEHTA hippies try to pass off and think they’re fooling anybody.  And once you’re used to eating the real thing, I mean, come on.  It would be like going from having me as Warchief to, I don’t even know, a fucking TROLL or something.

Second of all, having spent my whole life eating those lemon squares, let me tell you, we don’t need mages recreating Greatmother’s recipe, because IT’S ALREADY MAGICAL.  (See?  See how I’m already working on smoothing things over with her?  For real, I’m so fucking diplomatic you could just shit a brick.)

Also, even setting all that aside… Nothing personal, but I don’t take anybody up on any suggestions that include the phrase “perhaps you should collaborate with my wife” ever since the Incident That Shall Not Be Discussed over at Tharl Stonebleeder’s house.  Now stop making me think about things that cannot be unthought.  MOVING ON.

 

Hail Warchief.

Rumors are flying that there is a red pox outbreak. Is this anything like the scourge?

–Kelytas, Blood Elf Paladin, Borean Tundra

Wait, again with the Red Pox?  No!  We’re not going to talk about the Red Pox.  Why the fuck is everybody so curious about the Red Pox all of a sudden?

 

I really enjoyed that Photo-Op you had with King Varian a while ago.  I couldn’t help but notice that King Varian had a wonderful tousled-Anime-pigtail thing going on that was at the same time sexy but tough, and you…well, you just look cranky.

I checked in with the Couturier Barbershop in downtown Orgrimmar and was quite frankly shocked at the dismal array of hairstyles available.  An up-swept Mohawk with a scarf?  Are you kidding me?

I know you might have a couple of things on your plate right now but seriously, you really need to look into this before the entire Horde start looking like extras from Naxxramas.

Maybe you could contact King Varian, find out who does his hair and we could have a Stylist Exchange with one of our Barbers so they could learn some new hair techniques and bring back the Glory of the Horde.

I also noticed that our Tailors are in desperate need of new patterns.  Malevolent-style silk pantaloons?  Really?  That is so last-season…

–A Concerned Fashionista Blood Elf

Lor’themar, is that you?

Yeah, let me get right on that.  I’ll send a special diplomatic courier right over to Stormwind with a note that says, “Who does your hair??”  Yeah, that would go over great, I’m sure.

Hmm.  Actually, come to think of it, a message like that would probably seem SO weird to Varian that it might fuck with his head a little.  Like, I can totally imagine him reading that and thinking, “Garrosh wouldn’t give a shit about my hair…WHAT IS HE UP TO?”  And then he gets all paranoid and shit.  And meanwhile I’m just sitting back and not doing anything, and the longer this goes on the more paranoid he gets – ESPECIALLY when it’s time for him to go to the barber, because, hey, THIS IS WHAT GARROSH WAS ASKING ABOUT.  And maybe he gets so messed up and suspicious that he stops going to the barber altogether, and his hair grows and grows, and finally he’s just got this total mess of a rat’s nest on his head, until maybe he eventually can’t stand it anymore and shaves it all off and ends up bald.  Same as me.

There you have it, ACFBE.  Problem solved.  Garrosh comes out ahead of the curve yet again.  Boom.

 

Hail, Warchief!

I’m studying Orcish History at school and need to write an essay. I thought I’d write about the Red Pox and it’s impact, and I thought it would be neat if I could quote you on the subject, if you don’t mind.

I know it was a terrible illness, but there aren’t any first-hand records that I’ve been able to find. What was it like to live with the Red Pox? Do you remember much from those years? Did you notice any major differences between Orcish society as a whole and the way Orcs lived in Garadar? Pretty much anything you can remember would be great.

Thanks!

–Anonymous Scholar, Orgrimmar

Okay, so at least NOW I have some idea of why everybody’s got the Red Pox on the brain this week.  So okay, fine, just this once I’ll talk about it, seeing as I’m probably one of the only Red Pox survivors a lot of these kids will have the chance to meet.

It sucked.

What, you wanted more?  FINE.

I’m not going to waste time going over the symptoms, because there must already be records of that, and I’m pretty sure neither one of us wants to spend our lunch break reviewing my childhood vomiting habits.  But yeah, I had it as a kid, and even setting aside the physical suffering of it all, I can’t stress enough how much of an effect it had on the culture of Garadar.  I mean, you asked if there were any major differences between Garadar society and orcish society as a whole?  Fuck, what WASN’T different?  The Red Pox hung over our whole culture.  It touched everything.  We had whole generations who were born and died – prematurely, granted – under the bane of that thing.  That was the worst part of it, really – the sense of resignation it left us with.  It was like, for a lot of us, there was this sense that the Red Pox came for our grandparents, and then it came for our parents, and now it’s going to come for us.

Over the years, our shaman kept working to find a cure, and every so often there would be a glimmer of hope that maybe they had something.  But then there would always be some disaster that would undo it.  After a while that became part of the gloom and doom of it – the shaman would come up with a new possibility, and you never quite stopped hoping, but deep down you were thinking, “Okay, let’s see what fucks it up THIS time.”  Even when they finally did find a cure, and the suffering could finally end, a lot of us couldn’t even quite believe it was really happening.

Adding to all this, by the way, was the fact that over in Telaar, the draenei had their own parallel illness going on for a while.  It was called the lank distemper – or the “Lanks,” as a lot of folks ended up calling it.  Basically an infection that caused severe dehydration and loss of appetite, so the afflicted would wither down to these scrawny shadows of their former selves.  Sometimes the two diseases would flare up as if they had a contest going to see which one could kill more victims.  Which made for some miserable times for everybody involved.  Believe me, for anyone who was living through it, you do NOT want to get them started on the whole Lanks / Red Pox rivalry.

Is that enough?  Are you happy yet?  Or do I need to relive the time the conjured healing sphere rolled between Bullrok’s legs and into the lake, too?

 

Dear Garrosh;

Winter Veil is here! Time for a great orc cheer! Lok’tar!

I am so looking forward to making cookies and milk for Greatfather Winter this year with my new cooking skills I learned from Pilgrim’s Bounty holiday. I may even add some lemon squares to add some extra favor. I’m really hoping this year he’ll give me a ferocious armored bloodwing with exotic leather saddle for riding. That would be so cool! (Sigh, I’ll probably end up with another copper racer though.)

What are you hoping for Winter Veil this year, Mr. Garrosh sir?

Varian on a spire tree?

Blood and thunder!

–Ruekie, Shaman-Still-in-Training

PS: Greatfather Winter looks awful familiar, but I can’t quite figure it out. Kinda like Mr. Saurfang, but that would be impossible…I think. (Nothing is impossible with Mr. Saurfang.)

PPS: Winter Veil holiday is a great time for eating. Try no to eat too many lemon squares, though, sir. It doesn’t take much to make your muscles look like marshmallows.  D: 

Bye!

Wait, Ruekie AGAIN?  When the hell is she writing all these letters?  Fuck, maybe I should hire HER as a scribe, if this is how fast she can crank out pages.  Anyway.

So also, before we get into anything else…hang on, you want a BLOODWING for Winter Veil?  A frigging BAT?  All of a sudden, a WYVERN isn’t good enough for little miss tornado-pants?  You’ve seen Mortimer in action, up close and personal, and you’ve decided, “Nah, let’s give the universe a sporting chance – keep the wings, take away all the parts that really make the wyvern badass, and replace them with a giant blind rat”?  Are you KIDDING me?

I already answered the part about what I want for Winter Veil a few letters up, so no need to get into that again.  And I’m not going to dignify the lemon squares thing with a response.  But I have to comment on that thing you said about Greatfather Winter.  You know, one thing that people always say about Greatfather Winter is that there’s no way the guy could possibly fly all around the world and deliver presents to everyone in just one night.  Well, I think you might have found the one gaping hole in that theory.  So, next time you find yourself in an argument with some skeptic who doesn’t want to believe in Greatfather Winter, just unload this one on them:

“I’m telling you, there isn’t enough time for Greatfather Winter to do all that!  It isn’t physically possible!”

“What if Greatfather Winter is really Saurfang?”

“Oh… Um… Well then.”

 

Yo Mon!

I hear you had de red pox, mon. On dat game Earth Online dey has a disees call chicken pox. Es dat de same? (What do chickens haf to do wit dat?)

Dey say in dat game, once you hav it, you cannot get et again. Yah, mon, you are now invisible to dat disees, like de lich king’s horse.  Dat is good news!

Cheers, mon!

–Bobbette, Out der somewhere

Okay.

So.

I am beginning to get the very distinct impression that I may be getting trolled.

 

Hey mon!

What’s dis I be hearin’ about da Red Pox breakin’ out again?  It be all anybody be talkin’ ’bout dese days!  If you get it, does dat mean ya turns red?  I remember seein’ some red orcs back in Hellfire Peninsula, mon, was dey havin’ da Red Pox?  Dey go from green ta red?  Don’t get me wrong, mon, I don’t want nobody gettin’ sick, but if dere be anudda outbreak, look on da bright side – all dat red an’ green togetha be lookin’ nice an’ festive for Winter Veil!

–Bob, Shado-pan Monastery

I hate you.  I really, truly hate you.

 

Excuse me, Warchief, I write to you from Dustwallow marsh, I came here to see if I could find test subjects for a new flamethrower, and found something much more interesting, there is this mysterious woman on the road to the ruined theramore (hah!) and she seems to be able to send me back in time to look at theramore and the swamp before theramore was destroyed, I went to sleep at mudsprocket and woke up in present day. She seems upset that I was killing humans as soon as I was there, and refuses to send me again.

–Ritaba, Mudsprocket 

Wait, wait, hang on.  Let me get this straight.  You’re telling me that there’s someone hanging around Dustwallow Marsh sending people back in time to Theramore before we blew it up?  As in, making it possible to totally sidestep our whole victory and interact with the place like it was before?  That… fucking hell, THAT DEFEATS THE WHOLE POINT OF US BLOWING IT UP IF YOU CAN FUCKING DO THAT!

You know, this has the Bronze Dragonflight written all over it — or at least it WOULD, if it weren’t for the fact that this is PRECISELY THE SAME KIND OF SHIT they they’ve been recruiting people to PREVENT for years now, and by the way didn’t I just march through like 50 miles of steaming shit over their whole “integrity of the past” deal last year?!  But hey, apparently it’s NO BIG DEAL when you’re talking about Theramore, right?  SURE!  WHY NOT?  Hey, how about I zip on back to the past and start fucking with shit too, because I GUESS THAT’S ON THE MENU NOW, RIGHT?

Fucking dragons.  FUCKING TIME TRAVEL!

UGH!

 

I have been reading the history of Pandaria, and discovered something no one has bothered to take note of, seven burdens of Shaohao, the story of how the last emperor of Pandaria defeated the six sha and locked them away in a poor fashion (He couldn’t have kept them from causing havok any time someone gets cranky?), and there are older writings indicating a beast with seven heads, perhaps there is a seventh sha never recorded, it could be the key to controlling them.

–Yinsun, Vale of Eternal Blossoms

Now see, THIS is an example of some research that might actually be useful.  You might be on to something there, Yinsun.  It DOES seem kind of fishy that we have this story about Shaohao and his seven burdens, and this seven-headed thingamabob, and then we only have six sha that we know about.  It’s definitely worth considering whether we’ve got one more sha on the loose that nobody’s thought of.  (Hell, I was even bouncing ideas about this around with some people on Twitter a little while ago.)

For anybody keeping score at home, we might as well start with the basics.  Right now, we’ve got six sha accounted for: the Sha of Doubt, the Sha of Anger, the Sha of Despair, the Sha of Violence, the Sha of Hatred, and the Sha of Fear.

So, okay, let’s suppose there’s one more out there.  Since the sha we know about all seem to be named for pretty major negative emotions or vices…hmm…let’s see, what do we have left for major negatives?

There could be a Sha of Greed, I suppose.  Although…I mean, we have goblins with us, and I have to figure if there were a Sha of Greed, people like Grizzle Gearslip would be setting the fucker off left and right.  The Sha of Jealousy, maybe?  Makes sense on paper, but again, you’d figure we’d be having outbreaks all over the place, seeing as we’ve got a base full of people who’ve been watching me stroll around day after day.  And you KNOW the peeps get jelly when they feast their eyes to the pure awesome that is yours truly, amirite?

So we’re kind of running out of major vices to pair up with the missing sha.  What else is there?  Free-associate, Garrosh… hmm… the Sha of Gluttony?  The Sha of Sloth?  The Sha of Anteater?

Hang on…I think that line of thought took a wrong turn on me somehow.

Maybe we’re going about this wrong.  Time to think outside the box a little.  For all we know, this last sha could be kind of a niche sha, something more specific and less…well…grandiose.  Which might explain why this one might have been able to fly under the radar all this time.  So, let’s see, what else could be out there as the sneakier, subtler bane of our existence…

  • The Sha of Social Awkwardness
  • The Sha of Small Talk
  • The Sha of Poor Table Manners
  • The Sha of Bad Penmanship
  • The Sha of Bad Spelling
  • The Sha of Typos (possibly related to above)
  • The Sha of Not Picking Up After Your Wyvern
  • The Sha of Repetition
  • The Sha of Redundancy
  • The Sha of Telegraphing Bad Jokes
  • The Sha of Walking Really Slowly in Front of People at the Mall
  • The Sha of Paper Towels with Inexplicably Strong Perforation So You Try to Snap Off One Square and End Up Yanking Out Half the Roll
  • The Sha of Telling the Same Story Over and Over and Over Again Even Though Yes I Already Know How You Met Eitrigg Okay Tirion

Okay, you know what?  This is going nowhere fast.

Wait, wait, hang on a second… I could swear I HAVE seen another sha somewhere.

shaofhappiness

HOLY FUCKING HELL THAT’S IT!  THE SHA OF HAPPINESS!  Come to think of it, I even remember seeing this fucker on Twitter!  Fuckin’ A, I KNEW all those annoyingly happy assholes like Mylune were up to no good!  IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW.

 

Okay, that’s going to do it for this time, but keep those letters coming.  You guys really stepped up to the plate with this batch of letters, so you know what that means — THE BAR HAS BEEN RAISED.  So keep it going, and I’ll try to be back with more wise words soon.  Handy form included:

Cheat Sheet

Posted in Words from Behind the Curtain with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 18, 2013 by Garrosh Hellscream

quillandpaper

As promised in my last post, here’s an overview of the state of the blog.  I realize that after two years of accumulated in-jokes and storylines, the Command Board may be a bit disorienting to a newcomer (or, for that matter, to a long-time reader who blinked at the wrong time), so I’ve tried to break this down into a semi-sorta-kinda FAQ.  Most of this will be familiar to long-time readers (though I’ve also included a few behind-the-scenes notes that some of you might find interesting), but I hope it’ll explain a few things for new arrivals.

 

I hate Garrosh!  Why does Garrosh seem so sympathetic in this blog?  Are you one of those Garrosh apologists/fanboys?

Comically enough, I originally started the blog because I really didn’t like Garrosh either, and saw the blog as a way to have a few chuckles mocking him.  It wasn’t long, though, before I decided that I would get sick of the outright-mockery approach pretty quickly, so I started branching out.  Part of the result was letting blog-Garrosh become (I hope) a bit more multifaceted, while still remaining true to his temperamental self.  Including the LOLs.

Ultimately, I don’t set out to justify anything Garrosh does, just to present it in a way that makes sense in light of the character, and if that pushes a black-and-white scenario into some shade of gray, well, that makes for a more interesting story anyway.  And, keep in mind, the story here is being told, generally, from Garrosh’s point of view, so I don’t know how that perspective wouldn’t be sympathetic.  Everyone is the hero of their own story, after all, and nobody thinks they’re a bad person.

 

Why isn’t there anything here about the siege of Orgrimmar?

What are you talking about?  There was a post titled “The siege of Orgrimmar” a good solid year ago – if anything, shouldn’t you be asking why Blizzard is coming so late to the party?  (By the way, I didn’t realize until just now that patch 5.4 was released almost exactly on the one-year anniversary of the “Siege or Orgrimmar” post.  How awesomely freaky is that?)

Anyway, to give a real answer: Time-wise, the blog has not yet reached the events of patch 5.4.  The storyline is currently playing out the midst of 5.2; Lor’themar Theron and Jaina Proudmoore have recently set up shop on the Isle of Thunder, while Vol’jin is still recovering from his injuries at Shado-Pan Monastery.

This time lag between the game and the blog, by the way, is partly by design.  I’d always intended the blog to run a bit behind the game; coming into MoP, I realized that if I tried to follow in-game events too closely, I wouldn’t have time to adapt my own ideas to fit Blizzard’s story.  There have already been a few instances in which Blizzard’s story has taken a turn that’s forced me to change gears in a way that would have been disastrous if I didn’t have a month or two of lead time.  Of course, I’m clearly more than a month or two behind – that’s been a result of various real-life circumstances slowing down my output over the last few months.  I’m working on it!

 

So the blog basically retells in-game events, from Garrosh’s point of view?

Yes and no.  The blog operates within Blizzard’s continuity (with the aforementioned time delay), but also weaves additional storylines in and around the canonical Blizzard plots.  Anything that happens or is stated explicitly in-game is canon, obviously, and the blog is bound by it.*  That said, I sometimes like to put other stories around Blizzard’s, to give them context that might change the way those events are perceived.  (This was a large part of my motivation for the Timequake story leading into Theramore, or, more recently, the blog events surrounding the Divine Bell / Domination Offensive storyline.)

Also, while the point of view is mostly Garrosh’s, there are some posts that present events from other perspectives.  Most notable are the “guest” posts by Spazzle (Garrosh’s tech goblin), which help fill in story details that Garrosh wouldn’t necessarily be privy to.  You can always identify a post written by someone other than Garrosh by the color of the text – Spazzle’s posts, for instance, are always written in green text, and almost always include the phrase “Spazzle Speaks” in the title.  Also, as a rule of thumb, when Spazzle et al post, Garrosh remains oblivious to anything that might be revealed; the conceit at work here is that Garrosh doesn’t really care what anyone else is writing, so he doesn’t bother reading it.

* The one instance that I’ve flat-out fudged in-game details is the way I’ve chosen to incorporate the events of “A Little Patience.”  From the Alliance point of view, that scenario takes place almost immediately after Varian arrives in Pandaria; in the blog, I’ve pushed those events a bit later in the story.  This was largely a matter of convenience: I knew that I wanted there to be a military operation in Krasarang in which Garrosh’s trainees went missing, and I realized fairly late in the going that “A Little Patience” lent itself to that story pretty readily.  Hopefully those Alliance-side readers out there will be willing to turn a blind eye to my blatant and shameless revision.  (Horde bias rears its ugly head again!  GRR!)

 

Garrosh has trainees?  When did that happen?

Right here!  As part of the escalation of the war effort, the Kor’kron started a training program to prepare orc teenagers for eventual military service.  When Garrosh learned that Gurtash – an orc boy from the Orgrimmar orphanage whom Garrosh had taken under his wing – had been conscripted, Garrosh volunteered to take Gurtash’s trainee group under his own supervision.  (Side note: In my head-canon, Garrosh has a bit of a soft spot for the orphans, being as he is one himself.)  The trainees, who have nicknamed themselves the Dead Peons Society (DPS for short) have accompanied Garrosh to Pandaria and joined him on a few adventures.  Fairly recently, they went missing after the Horde loss in the “A Little Patience” scenario, and were eventually found by Garrosh, hiding away in an underground system of caves.  That’s brought us up to the point where we are now, story-wise: Garrosh and the trainees underground, looking for a way out.

 

Is the entire supporting cast from within the game?

Mostly, but not entirely.  I’ve invented a few characters for the blog – Spazzle being the highest-profile – but I’ve tried to keep it limited, and tried to restrict those characters to fairly peripheral positions in the lore.  The one glaring exception was the storyline involving Garrosh’s mother, Lakkara, who isn’t mentioned anywhere in the actual lore.  It just struck me as odd that there’s no record of who she was, or what happened to her, and besides, in a mythology packed to capacity with father/son relationships, I thought it was about time somebody’s mom got a little screen time.

Otherwise, when a character turns up who doesn’t exist in-game, that character was often inspired by a reader and/or based on someone’s game character.  For instance, both Gurtash and Mortimer (Garrosh’s personal wyvern) became blog characters thanks to mailbag letters from Khizzara from Blog of the Treant; Khizzara’s own namesake has made a few appearances as Spazzle’s cousin; doodle-prone kitty druid Taktani became a full-fledged character (and boy, is she ever a character) after making several mailbag contributions; and many of the DPS trainees are modeled on the baby orc alts of friends.

In general, though, if you see a supporting character turn up whose name you don’t recognize, the smartest first guess is that he or she is based on a questgiver or other NPC somewhere in-game.  (Wowpedia is your friend!)  I deliberately picked a lot of relatively minor NPCs – people like Mokvar, Elder Cloudfall, and Dontrag and Utvoch – to use as supporting characters because I figured their relatively peripheral status gave me more latitude to work with them, give them backstories, etc.  After all, what are the odds that Blizzard would actually do something with one of these people to contradict my own concoctions?

(Either way, if you’re not sure who someone is, I’ve also maintained a partial list of supporting players on the About the Blog page, including some of the more pertinent information about them.)

 

Speaking of which – in the SoO raid, Mokvar is a mini-boss!  Isn’t he missing?  How are you going to deal with that?

First… um, yeah, that whole “no way they’re gonna do something with this guy” really blew up in my face on this one, huh?

And second… So, everyone who thought I was going to lay out this big storyline for Mokvar, and make such a production out of his disappearance…and then have it turn out that he really is dead…step forward.

Didn’t think so.

For those of you unclear on Mokvar’s whole story, which has been unfolding gradually for quite a while, you can check here for a brief overview and links to the relevant posts.  Very short version: After becoming the victim of a mysterious attack, Mokvar sets out to track down a powerful relic from his warlock days, with the aid of a human named Deliana (who was Mokvar’s Alliance equivalent in the old dungeon set quests); over the course of his quest, he starts to behave increasingly strangely, culminating in his eventual flight from arrest in Orgrimmar.  His whereabouts are now unknown.

Stay tuned.  You’ll see where this is going!

 

With Mokvar gone, how are you handling the transcripts?

Prelinimary: The blog contains several transcripts of conversations that Garrosh has engaged in.  The premise from the outset has been that Mokvar is (or was) Garrosh’s personal scribe, and records all these conversations for posting.  This explains, by the way, a number of occasions when Garrosh mentions summoning Mokvar to an event, or otherwise noting Mokvar’s presence, as a way of leading in to a transcript.

Since Mokvar is off the grid, Garrosh has passed transcription duties to two people: Gurtash, who records his transcripts in the form of comics; and Taktani, a friend of Dontrag and Utvoch and long-time mailbag contributor, who’s started to (and will continue to) write a few transcripts, laden with her own unassuming brand of commentary.

 

What are these guild chat logs that keep cropping up?

Garrosh and several of the supporting characters play an MMORPG called Earth Online – the basic premise being that, to these characters, Azeroth is reality, and our real world is actually the game world of the MMO.  Garrosh started his own guild, called <Warchief>, and several familiar faces (including Spazzle, Sylvanas, Lor’themar, Faranell, Garona, and Dontrag and Utvoch) are members.  Also worth noting is that Jaina Proudmoore is a member of the guild…although she doesn’t realize (yet?) who her guildmates are in “real life.”

The guild chat logs recreate some of the exchanges that the members of <Warchief> have within their game, usually including regular guild chat, officer chat, and, in some cases, whispers.  I make no pretense about the fact that some aspects of these logs are based on my own guild-chat expeiences, especially officer chat.  The transcripts are always presented from the point of view of whoever posted them – usually Garrosh, but occasionally Spazzle.

 

Where did this whole thing about lemon squares come from?

Garrosh loves lemon squares.  Don’t you?

Real explanation: Very early in the blog, Edenvale of The Gamer’s Fridge posted a recipe for Garrosh Hellscream’s lemon squares, and pointed me to her post with a comment on the Command Board.  Since then, it’s become a bit of a running gag – the recipe, according to Garrosh, was his greatmother’s secret family recipe, and he was most perturbed that this random night elf had apparently gotten ahold of it.

 

What does “FYV” mean?

An abbreviation of one of Garrosh’s favorite turns of phrase, of course: “Fuck you, Varian!”  Among other things, Garrosh often finds a way to slip that phrase into his EPIC VERSE compositions.

 

Speaking of which, what’s this “EPIC VERSE”?  Garrosh writes poetry?

You sound surprised.  Garrosh is an orc of many interests.  What, do you think he’s some kind of one-note caricature or something?

Okay, fine, game-Garrosh kind of is.

Honestly, I just got a kick out of the obvious dichotomy of Garrosh Hellscream, gruffest of the gruff, also writing poetry on the side.  True to form, Garrosh doesn’t view his compositions as just any poetry, so he prefers to call them EPIC VERSE.  In caps.  Always.  It’s sprinkled throughout the blog – almost always in purple text, to stress its epic-ness – and ranges from limericks, to parodies of other famous poems, to reader requests, to epic rap battles.

 

So, that’s as much as I can think to cover.  Other gaps can probably be filled in through the Major Storylines page, but if there are questions that anyone still has, in terms of getting caught up or clarified, by all means toss them into a comment and I’ll make sure it’s answered.  And so, on that note, I’ll sigh off with the promise – unconditional promise! – that before the week is out, you’ll have the continuation of the actual STORY part of the story!  Which left off, as you might recall, right here:

C11_Page_6

Spazzle Speaks: Tours of Duty

Posted in Spazzle Speaks, Transcripts with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 31, 2013 by Garrosh Hellscream

earthonline2

A little Earth Online interlude while Garrosh spins his yarn from Pandaria…

 

You have logged on.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Interesting.  What kind of research, Leslie?

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  hi baddie

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered:  Hey mon.

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  its really pretty technical

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  HI MRBADCRUMBLE

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  hey everyone

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  probably pretty boring if its not what you do

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]:  hey

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Greetings, Spazzle.

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell]  i can try to explain some of it to you if you think it would help.

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  hey

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Oh I’m sure it’s fascinating.

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  lol prof

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]:  I just got back from the echo isles a little while ago

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  i’ve got a handle on it, prof, its my job after all

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  If you’d care to elaborate, of course.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Certainly no intrusion intended if you prefer not to.

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  working on Jaina again?

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered:  Tanks for checkin’ up on it for me, mon.

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell]  well yes, but i would imagine understanding the nielas vector hypothesis would be part of your job, too, and we’ve already established you don’t really have a handle on that.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Everyone needs a hobby.  ^_^

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  omg i do too

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]:  it’s fine

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  u think your right about everything

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]:  I had some business down there anyway

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell]  oh hardly.

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell]  i know my nielas vectors, though.

You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]:  hey

[Lorthemar] has logged on.

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  look, i supervise mages for a living, i would think i know about nielas vectors

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell]  i would think you’d know about them, too.

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell]  so see?  i’m not always right.

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  ugh whatever

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  hi lor

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]:  just had to be careful not to be seen by any kor’kron on the way

[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin]  Hey, Lor mon.

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  I STILL WANT TO KNOW HOW YOU KNOW ALL THIS STUFF PROF

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell]  i’ve said before, i read a lot.

[Guild][Lorthemar]  Greetings, all!

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell]  brb

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered:  You run into any trouble?

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  HI LOR

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Good evening, Lor’themar.

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]:  not really

[Guild][Lorthemar]  And how is everyone this fine evening?

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  hey lor’themar

[Officer][Lorthemar]  Good evening.

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  doing ok

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  How are you settling in on…the Isle of Thunder, is it?

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  just missing my baby

[Officer][Lorthemar]  Yes indeed.

[Officer][Lorthemar]  Not badly at all.  Setting up took some doing, but we had some good help on hand.

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]:  there are more kor’kron in razor hill than there used to be

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  AWWW

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  It’s good you were able to get your internet connection working from there.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  I know our…esteemed Warchief has been having stability issues.

[Guild][Lorthemar]  Oh?  I thought you two sat next to each other while you played.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Goodness, I just reread the last thing I said, and I must say it gave me quite the chuckle.  ^_^

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]:  I think after they rebuilt the inn, they used it as an excuse to ramp up security

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  not right now

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  At any rate, I know I would be lost without my connection.

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  I’ve noticed you really seem to be online, like, ALL the time

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  WE USUALLY DO

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  i’m away on business for a little while

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  I don’t think I’ve logged on without you being here

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Well, that’s partly because, being undead, I don’t strictly need to sleep.

[Guild][Lorthemar]  Oh, I see

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Which frees up lots of online time.

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  don’t you have work you need to do in the undercity, though?

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered:  Garrosh give ’em enough time, they be makin’ lots more places “secure.”

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  so for right now the game is a way for us to still hang out together a little

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Yes, but I just take it with me everywhere.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Some of the warlocks worked out a way to project a likeness of my computer screen onto a writing tablet I carry around – an Eye Pad of Kilrogg, they call it.

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  IT MAKES ME GLAD I STARTED PLAYING THIS GAME

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]:  anyway, I got down there without much trouble

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  The name, I will admit, is inelegant.  I may have marketing give it another pass.

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  EVEN IF I’M STILL KIND OF A NOOB

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered:  What’s da word from Trall?

You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]:  Ji?

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  its ok, sweetie, being a newbie might be a nice change of pace for you

[Guild][Lorthemar]  You know, it’s a funny coincidence, I’m doing some traveling for work as well.

[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin]  I know how dat goes, mon.

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]:  all clear so far

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  LOR’THEMAR

[Officer][Lorthemar]  Yes?

[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin]  Dis game be a way for me ta talk ta people too.

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]:  nobody seems to have noticed anything going on down there

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  oh wow small world

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  -Don’t- say any more about what you’re doing.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Improbable though it would seem, I don’t think she realizes who you really are.

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]:  which is kind of weird, considering it’s been months since they took out the kor’kron occupation

[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin]  Been tryin’ ta not talk too much fa real what wit I got a nasty sore troat dese days, mon.

[Officer][Lorthemar]  Yeah, don’t remind me.  I get that a lot.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Well, yes, there’s that.

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  i hope you feel better, bobby

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered:  While Garrosh still be in Pandaria, Eitrigg be da one mindin’ da store in Orgrimmar

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  But you’re also wasting a potential tactical advantage if you give away too much around her.

[HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] has earned the achievement [Grand Central Station]!

[EdwardBear | Ji] has earned the achievement [Grand Central Station]!

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered:  He be no friend a da changes Malkorok been makin’ in da Kor’kron.

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]:  yeah

[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin]  Hey, grats, mon!

[Officer][Lorthemar]  How do you mean?

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]:  I just wish things would get back to normal again

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]:  or more normal at least

[Guild][Lorthemar]  Congratulations, all!

[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered:  sorry, leslie was running me and puff through an instance

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  THANKS DEAR

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  …Really?

[Officer][Lorthemar]  Really what?

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  my pleasure sweetie =)

[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered:  i didn’t see your tell till just now

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered:  Dey gonna get worse before dey get better, mon.

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]:  yeah

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji]  ty leslie

You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]:  it’s ok

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Has…nobody told you who Proudleslie is?

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  yw eddie

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  I haven’t…

[Officer][Lorthemar]  No, who is she?

[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered:  did you find anything out?

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  OH WOW ONE MORE BUBBLE AND I’LL LEVEL TOO

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  oh boy

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Proudleslie is Jaina Proudmoore.

You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]:  I talked to thrall, yeah

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  next thing u know your going to be all grown up!

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  = )

You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]:  had to be careful not to give away too much

[Officer][Lorthemar]  …

[Officer][Lorthemar]  She’s…she’s…  WHY??

[Officer][Lorthemar]  WHY would we let her be in the guild?

[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered:  what did he say?

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  then i can get you all geared up and ready for big people adventures!

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  Sylvanas convinced Garrosh to let her stay.

[Officer][Lorthemar]  By convincing him we’re living in Upside Down Crazy Land??

You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]:  the easiest place for you to reach the earthen ring is at the twilight citadel

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  I APPRECIATE ALL THE TIME YOU’VE BEEN SPENDING HELPING ME LEVEL

You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]:  most of their heavy hitters are still over at the maelstrom, but they usually don’t let just anyone over there

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  No, Regent-Lord, by pointing out that keeping her close, without her knowing who -we- are, puts us in a position to ply her for information that might be of use to us.

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  how’s that been working out for you, by the way?

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  aww, anything for my baby

[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered:  ok

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Hush now.  It’s an ongoing project.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  At any rate, Lor’themar, please try to be careful what you say

You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]:  so your best bet is to head down to the twilight highlands

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  i kinda like getting to take care of you here after everything you do for me

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  MY PLEASURE, M’LADY

You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]:  they’ve been working on setting up again there since the twilight’s hammer was driven out

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina<3

[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered:  what’s that?

[Officer][Lorthemar]  Ugh, fine.

[Officer][Lorthemar]  This is not good for my rage.

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  aww thats my lil puffy magic dragon  =)

You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]:  what’s what?

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  = )

[Officer][Lorthemar]  And of course Garrosh took the anger management counselor with him to Pandaria.

[Officer][Lorthemar]  To spite me, I’ll bet you anything.

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  plus did i mention you look sexy as a fireman?

[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered:  the twilight’s hammer

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  rawr  ;)

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  To be fair, keeping an anger management specialist close to Garrosh is probably a wise move.

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  she’s kind of got you there

[Officer][Lorthemar]  *looks in guild chat*

You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]  long story

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell]  i wish i could adequately impress upon you the sheer magnitude of the fact that you’re making *me* want to vomit.

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  oh boo prof, havent u ever been in love before

You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]  last year’s bad guys

[Officer][Lorthemar]  I can’t believe this woman is beating me.

[Officer][Lorthemar]  Anyway…

[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered:  oh

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell]  as a matter of fact.

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  what happened?

[Officer][Lorthemar]  Let’s talk about something else before I get too annoyed.

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell]  the scourge.

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  oh  =(

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell]  at any rate, i should log for now, i have some packing to do.

You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]:  i really don’t know if it’s going to accomplish much going to them, though

[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin]  Be seein’ ya, mon!

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  BYE PROF

[Officer][Lorthemar]  Hmm, speaking of which, do you know anything about what’s going on with Faranell?

[ProfHubert | Faranell] has logged off.

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  sorry if i brought up bad memories prof

[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered:  it’s worth a try

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  I was going to ask you, actually.

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  blah missed him

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  All I know is that he’s going to Orgrimmar at the request of your Lady Liadrin.

[Officer][Lorthemar]  That’s all I know as well.

[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered:  if anyone will have any ideas about what happened to mokvar, it would be them

[Officer][Lorthemar]  Liadrin told me she was requesting Faranell from you, but was rather dodgy about details.

[Officer][Lorthemar]  I’d assumed she would have told you more.

You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]:  i hate to say it, but i think we might already know what happened to mokvar

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Not particularly, only that she had need of his alchemical skills for some of her work with the Dalaran refugees.

[Officer][Lorthemar]  Don’t they have apothecaries in Orgrimmar?

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  Tons over in the Valley of Spirits.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  I raised that point myself.  All she would say was that it’s a matter of some delicacy and she would prefer to call on someone she knows.

[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered:  it’s possible mokvar is really gone

[Officer][Lorthemar]  It’s exhausting having our supposed underlings running around on their own like this.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Preaching to the choir, Regent-Lord.

[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered:  if he is, and i go, then he won’t be any more gone, and all i’ll have done is waste some of my own time

[Officer][Lorthemar]  We need better minions.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  We really do.

[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered:  if he’s not, and i don’t go, then it might cost us something more valuable

[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered:  the only mistake would be not to act

[Officer][Lorthemar]  Hmm, guild chat is quiet.

You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]:  believe me, I hope you find something.

You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]:  I’m just trying not to get my hopes up

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Jaina and Kalecgos are probably talking in tells.

[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered:  well either way, i should be back soon

[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered:  i should get going

You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]:  me too

[Officer][Lorthemar]  I wonder what they’re talking about that’s so secret.

[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered:  talk to you soon

You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]:  good luck

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Probably you.

You have logged off.

Monday mailbag

Posted in Mailbag with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 17, 2013 by Garrosh Hellscream

mail28

So before I head out to check on the Temple of the Red Crane, I figured I’d make a quick mailbag check and dip into the latest batch of letters.

 

Dear Warchief,

Hello sir.  I’m one of Overlord Runthak’s trainees and I’ve been reading your blog for a long time.  I’ve noticed that between Garona and Warlord Zaela, and even mailbag writers like Wega, you really seem to have a following among the ladies.  My question is, how do you do it?  I haven’t had much luck with the girls in my training group, and I bet it would help a lot if I knew your secret.

Thank you,

–Dol’akar

Hoo boy.  This one again.  See, Dol’akar, I wish it was that simple, but seriously, this is kind of like going up to Mylune and saying, “Teach me to be batshit crazy like you.”

Thing is, something like 85% of my game comes down to the fact that I look like a canister of distilled sexy, kick ass on two planets, and – let’s face it – lay the pipe like an army of plumbers in the Wetlands.  And all that’s just natural.  Now, since you’re a trainee, I’d like to tell you that part of your problem is that you’re still just a teenager, and adolescent awkwardness and blah blah blah, and things will get better as you get older, but honestly?  I was doing just fine for myself when I was a teenager in Nagrand (I tell you, those draenei girls were crazy back in the day), so, you know…again, natural.

Still, if you think it’ll help you at all, I can let you in on the other 30% of my game.  To start with, you want to buckle down in your combat training.  This should help you in a number of ways.  First off, it’ll keep you in good shape, which at least gives you an outside chance of offsetting a little sliver of the disadvantage of having no shot at being as dead sexy as me.  Second, it’ll put you in a better position to beat the living crap out of any competition you might run into from among the other trainees.  This will show the girls that you’re sensitive to their needs.  Those needs being, of course, that they need to stop wasting their time on those other assholes and focus on you, and hey, what the fuck do you even think YOU’RE doing here, chump?  But yeah, girls seem to like that sensitivity crap – don’t ask me why – so that should win you some points.  And third, the better you do in battle, the faster you’ll be able to advance through the ranks.

Which brings us right to our next point: power is sexy.  Let me tell you, after Nazgrim made the jump from Sergeant all the way up to Legionnaire and then General, he had women all over him.  You know, until he crashed two ships and killed them all.  But that’s a whole other thing.  (This reminds me of another suggestion: Work on your piloting skills.  Because why tempt fate?)  Anyway, point being, moving up in the world can only help your chances.  Just keep in mind that you’re looking at a hard cap of High Overlord, seeing as the only thing above that is Warchief, and we all know I’m not going anywhere for a long time.

Hope this helps.

 

Hey hey, Garry!  Wazzup, my man?

I just built myself a chopper and it’s hella rad. Damn, but I look kickass ridin’ that hog! Got the ladies all over me.  But then I thought I need some wicked cool tats to seal the deal, ya know what I mean?  So I was flippin’ through some mags for ideas and whoa!  Double page spread of Mr. Warchief-crush-your-head himself!  And I’m like, “Dayum, that’s some fine art right there.”  High five, buddy.

So… where’d you get your ink done?  I need a parlor that can capture my style, yo.

–Fizzpop “The Fizz” Clutchgear

Sup, Fizz.  First of all, before we go any further – I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again:

NotGarryOkay, now that that’s out of the way.

Glad to see that somebody appreciates the tattoos.  Oh, wait, lots of somebodies already do, of the female persuasion (see previous letter).  But still, thanks anyway.

I had most of my tattoos done in that little window of relatively-not-fucked-up time just after becoming Warchief and just before the Cataclysm.  They’re ceremonial markings from the Warsong clan, done by a Mag’har tattoo artist from Nagrand.  I actually had him recommended to me by blademaster Burzum.  He was always really helpful.  You know, before he went all snarly-sha-crazy.  But I digress.

I could put you in touch with the guy if you want to look him up.  If you ever find yourself in Garadar, look for Vanteg.  I hear he’s been in pretty high demand since word got out that he’d done the Warchief’s ink, so you might have to get on a waiting list.  Feel free to drop my name, though.  He might skip you ahead in line.  Either that, or he’ll figure you’re another one of the people who show up and lie about knowing me, in which case, you know, sucks for you.  Them’s the breaks.

 

Hail, Warchief!

Well, of course the Star-Tribune is biased. (Besides, I’m pretty sure that if you trace it through far enough, the Regent-Lord owns it.) That’s not the point. The official line has always been that the Regent-Lord is doing a fine, bang-up job. And, at least out loud and in public, everyone with an ounce of sense agrees. He’s not above having his guys straight-up mind-control people talking out of turn in public. For real-talk, you have to go to the shadowy dives off of Murder Row … and what’s new is that it’s getting harder to find dissent even there. It may be begrudged respect, but growing respect, nonetheless. People want to believe that the old Lor’themar is coming back, the man who used to be the Ranger-General’s second-in-command, the one who used to be … well, not completely useless. And perception can take on a reality all its own.

Then again, this may just mean that the magisters have started slumming, and everyone’s getting a helping of re-programming. It’d still have the same effect, and I’m not qualified to tell the difference.

–A Concerned Citizen

Hey, ACC.  Good to hear from you as always.

So hang on, let me make sure I have this straight.  You’re saying that Ponytail controls the media and information outlets in Silvermoon, is forcibly silencing dissent, and is subtly manipulating the population of his capital city into a hero-worshipping, glory-seeking, cult-of-personality bunch of jingoistic wahoos?

Hoo boy.  That’s not good news for anybody any way you cut it.

 

Warchief Garrosh Hellscream,

Sir,

I was out picking herbs today to mill for me inscription training.  It’s Father’s Day and I was picking Gromsblood, which got me to wondering … How do ye feel about having an herb that only grows in places tainted by fel magics be named after yer dad? And if it bothers ye, have ye ever thought of having it changed?

Sincerely,

–Kriann, Jr. Member, Explorers’ League

Hey, good to hear from you, Kriann.  On the other hand, kind of sounds like you might be a dwarf, in which case, fuck you, Kriann.  Anyway, thanks for writing.

So about the gromsblood.  I see where you’re going with the fel-tainted thing, but that’s never really bothered me.  For one thing, I usually just look at it as a name given to honor the awesomeness of my dad.  It’s actually pretty fitting, in a way.  Wherever there’s land infested with fel magic, wherever there are demons lurking about, there’s a little reminder of Grom, ready to give them the ol’ Mannoroth special.  I usually don’t read much more into it than that.

Also, the fact of the matter is, it’s not at all uncommon to have an herb named after a prominent figure.  There are tons of them.  You probably know about Khadgar’s whisker, for instance, and then there was Arthas’ tears until that stupid ballot initiative passed and renamed them to sorrowmoss, because spirits forbid we should offend the spirit of Arthas and make him cry even more.  But there are actually lots of other, more obscure ones that a lot of people haven’t heard about.  For instance:

Creeping Sylvanas – Sometimes called the Syl-vine-us, although that’s actually inaccurate since it’s not technically a vine.  This is a strange type of plant that’s created by herbicides.  You spray your garden and kill the weeds…and then a few days later, those hey-weren’t-those-dead weeds grow back in the form of creeping Sylvanas.  And start killing loads of other plants and turning THEM into creeping Sylvanas.  And then after a while they seem to settle down and mostly get along with most of the regular vegetables in your garden, only you can’t quite shake the sinking feeling that maybe they’re up to something that you can’t put your finger on.

Broxigar Thornbush – The only plant ever known to harm Sargeras.  Which is a weird distinction to keep track of, but I guess academics need something to do.  Anyway, when Sargeras first arrived on Azeroth, he started ranting on and on about “dark titan” this and “destruction is nigh” that – you know, like you do when you’re a cartoonish bad guy – and then in the middle of this, he pricked himself on one of these thornbushes, and started howling pathetically about “Ouch my finger owies ow OWW!”  Which kind of took the edge off the whole “fiery apocalypse” thing.  Kind of gives you an idea of why the dude lost, though.

Lor’themar Pansy – Contrary to what you’re probably thinking, this isn’t a reference to the actual guy, but to a plant.  As a general rule, if you see some frilly-looking flowers around somewhere, and you kind of recognize them, but you’re not sure what they’re called, so you’re all, “You know, those flowers.  From the place.  The red ones”?  Those are probably Lor’themar pansies.

Cairne Blossom – This plant used to grow all over the place in Mulgore until Magatha tricked me into pruning it all.  Oops.

Fordragon Lily – These tall, striking bulb plants were named for Bolvar Fordragon, since they used to grow all around his old outpost in the Dragonblight.  For some reason, right at the end of the Northrend campaign, they all withered and mutated into a strain of lichbloom.  I’ve never been able to figure that one out.  I tried asking Tirion about it once, and he just got all quiet.  Which is noteworthy because it was the only time in history that the words “Tirion” and “quiet” have ever appeared together in a sentence that didn’t also include the words “needs to be.”

Thrallvine – This stuff grows on the side of your house and pretty much just sits there being innocuous and not doing anything, other than making random passers-by yammer on about how awesome it is.  Then out of the blue it goes on a crazy growth spurt so everywhere you look, there it is, until you’re just goddamn sick of looking at it all the time.  I bet you could replace that shit with a way better plant that would make your house stronger and be nicer on the eyes to boot, but you’ll probably just wind up with a bunch of assholes bitching about it.  Also your landlord seems to have an inexplicable, unhealthy attachment to the stuff so you know they’d never let you get rid of it.

 

That’s it for this time around.  As always, keep those letters coming, and I’ll try to brighten your empty lives with my inspiring answers again soon.

Divine do-over

Posted in General with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 6, 2013 by Garrosh Hellscream

ishigarroshlak

So I think the internet has decided it doesn’t want me playing Earth Online for the time being.  Spazzle was right – this is what I get for trusting Grizzle Gearslip to set up a stable network.  Remind me to stick with construction and excavation projects for him from now on.

Probably just as well.  I have more important things to be focusing on right now.

First and foremost in the “more important things” file: We’re back in business on the Divine Bell front – and then some.  Courtesy, believe it or not, of some clutch work from one of the blood elves.  I know, right?  I won’t hold it against you if you need to go back and read that again to make sure you got it right.  Anyway – Fanlyr Silverthorn was able to work some Kirin Tor mojo to sneak a Horde operative into Darnassus, where the Divine Bell was being held, then teleported it out to Silvermoon.  That’s right, the night elves worked so hard to get to the Bell before us, tucked it away deep in the heart of their capital city…for like fifteen minutes, before they had it swiped right out from under them.  Oh man, would I love to have seen the looks on their faces when they figured out what happened.

Of course, you would think that this would come across as GOOD news to anyone on the Horde side of the fence, but spirits forbid I should ever have a conversation with Lor’themotherfucker that didn’t involve him crying and moaning and wetting his panties over something.  And let me tell you, he was in fine form this time around.  I could barely even figure out what the fuck he was bitching about, something about his people being put in harm’s way or some such (as if people never, EVER get put in harm’s way in the middle of, you know, A FUCKING WAR), and Jaina being pissed off about something (as if THAT’S ever a bad thing).  Seriously, I don’t know what hair he’s got up his ass, but enough is enough.  Calm down already.  Don’t flip a bench, Lori.

Anyway, I’m having the Divine Bell transported to Pandaria pronto so we can get to work.  We found another ancient mogu structure in Kun-Lai that should make for a good site to conduct the first of what should be many glorious uses of the Bell.  I’m having Malkorok hand-pick some of the very best of his Kor’kron to stand guard and participate in the proceedings.  I’m also having Ishi head up that way to supervise the setup of the Bell and help me with the first trial.  Hopefully, after Burzum went all sha-batty on us, and Krimpatul went MIA with the rest of the…casualties…at the Temple of the Red Crane, and Ishi himself got beaten to the Divine Bell by the damn night elves, well, hopefully I’ll have a blademaster finally do my Mag’har proud and help put a win on the board for us.

Once we tap into the power of the Bell – and by extension, the power of this “sha” magic – we’ll wield a power unlike anything either side has seen in this war.  And unlike the mogu, we won’t be leaving our enemies any room to rise up against us.  Never again.

Spazzle Speaks: The Goblin is Always Greener on the Other Side of Guild Chat

Posted in Spazzle Speaks, Transcripts with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 3, 2013 by Garrosh Hellscream

earthonline10a

After Garrosh put up that guild chat log yesterday, I thought it might be helpful to see things from another perspective…

You have logged on.

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  hi baddie

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell]  check the appendix, then.

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji]  hi mrbadcrumble

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell]  it should be on a right-hand page, under a map if i recall.

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered:  Hey, mon.

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  hey everyone

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Good evening, Spazzle.

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  hey sylvanas

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  ok ok fine, i know better than to argue with you about these things

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]:  hey, how are you feeling?

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  I DONT WANT TO IMAGINE HOW MUCH TIME YOU MUST HAVE SPENT IN LIBRARIES STUDYING THIS STUFF PROF

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered:  Better, mon.

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  should I even ask what they’re arguing about this time?

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell]  if only you knew.

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered:  Chen say pretty soon I be healed up enough ta be back on ma feet an outta dis monastery.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Honestly, I’m not even sure how they got started.

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]:  that’s good

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  ah

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  seriously you must be some kind of master wizard with everything you seem to know

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered:  Can’t happen soon enough, mon – don’ like dis sittin’ around.

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell]  not really.

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  so what are you working on?  are we about to get achievement spammed as usual?

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell]  i’m not particularly powerful as a caster; i just have a good handle on theory.

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]:  yeah but you have to take care of yourself

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  YOU’D PROBABLY BE A GOOD TEACHER THEN

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Nothing imminent.  I’m laying the groundwork for some longer-term projects at the moment.

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered:  Any news from Trall?

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  maybe thats why his name is professor! =)

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell]  meh.

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell]  i think of it more as “professor” in the “mad scientist” sense.

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]:  not last i heard

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell]  which is fitting, considering i spend most of my time in a laboratory developing biochemical agents of mass destruction.

[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] has logged on.

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  haha yea right, your being sarcastic again

You whispered to [LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]:  have you talked to lorthemar?

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered:  When ya see ’im let ’im know I be dere as soon as I can, an den we deal wit’ Garrosh.

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell]  drat, i’ve been caught.

[LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] whispered:  Speak the devil’s name…

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  hi pwn

[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin]  Hey OmgipwneduMon!

[LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] whispered:  Oops, mistell.

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered:  Speak a da devil, mon.

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Hey

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  hey boss

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Greetings, dear Warchief.

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  is your connection any better pwn?

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  I guess we’ll find out in a minute

You whispered to [LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]:  k good

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  lol

[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] has logged off.

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]:  i really don’t like all this sneaking around

[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin]  Haha!

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  omg

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell]  now see, for instance, i can’t work -that- kind of magic.

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell]  i just deploy verbal irony; i can’t conjure it up in actual events.

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered:  Ya won’ need to much longer.

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  i swear i didnt do that!

[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] has logged on.

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered:  Soon we’ll be makin’ our move.

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  UGH

[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin]  Leslie!  Do it again, mon!

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  WB PWN

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  i didnt do anything!

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  I take it your connection is none too improved since last time, Warchief?

[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin]  You put da connection voodoo on him, mon!

You whispered to [Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]:  still using the network grizzle set up for you?

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Yeah, apparently

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Also that Bob guy is rubbing me the wrong way already

[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] whispered:  Yeah

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  On the topic of what you’ve been doing, Leslie, has work continued to be hectic?

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  He’d better watch it before I end up stabbing him in the neck

You whispered to [Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]:  honestly, you might as well hire a couple extra tauren to send up smoke signals for your wifi

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  You were starting to say, but ended up being sidetracked by ProfHubert.

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Speaking of me stabbing people, by the way, did you manage to get Lori straightened out?

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  BTW COULD I GET A GUILD INVITE FOR MY FRIEND

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  sure puff, just whisper me the name

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  ugh not really

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  If you’re referring to leadership of the guild, I think I’ve convinced him to be reasonable and pass it back

[HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] whispered:  HER NAME IS LIVINGREDGIRL

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  He was quite agitated before.

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  You know, not for anything, but didn’t we used to ask people to APPLY to this guild once upon a time?

You whispered to [HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]:  seriously?

[HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] whispered:  ?

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell]  does it really matter?

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  just some office politics i’m trying to stay out of mostly

You whispered to [HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]:  don’t you think that’s going to be a little confusing?

[HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] whispered:  Y

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  I don’t particularly care about his moods

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell]  does anyone in this guild actually do anything other than sit around in guild chat?

[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] has logged off.

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji]  i do!

You whispered to [HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]:  because of how similar that is to LivinDeadGrl?

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  me to!  just got my set bonus last night in fact

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji]  i’m level 52 now!

[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin]  I mostly just hang out here in da capital cities, mon, an’ stir tings up in trade chat!

[HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] whispered:  OH I DIDNT EVEN THINK OF THAT

[Lorthemar] has logged on.

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  grats eddie

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji]  hi lorthemar

[HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] whispered:  SHOULD I GET HER TO REROLL?

[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin]  Somebody gotta be da resident smartass in dis guild, right?

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  hi lor!

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell]  um, i have some bad news for you…

You whispered to [HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]:  no, she already has this toon… I just hope she doesn’t get a lot of mis-tells

[Guild][Lorthemar]  Greetings, all!

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  hey lor

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Hello, Lor’themar.

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  lol

You whispered to [HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]:  I’ll send her an invite

[Officer][Lorthemar]  Hail, Spazzle.  Dark Lady.

[HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] whispered:  TY

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  yea bobby, prof has seniority on you

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell]  if only you knew.

You have invited [LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] to the guild.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Lor’themar, I should probably warn you straight away…

[LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] has joined the guild.

[LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] has been promoted to the rank Recruit.

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  he spends most of his time in-game making sarcastic comments to people

[Guild][Lorthemar]  Welcome, LivingRedGirl!

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  welcome red!

[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] has logged on.

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  there you go!  welcome to the guild!

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell]  in point of fact, that’s not actually specific to in-game.

[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza]  Thank you all

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  lol

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  wb pwn

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  So as I was saying. I don’t care if Ponytail is happy about it as long as he manages to get his panties unbunched long enough to hand over guild control

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Garrosh was just on and will likely be back momentarily, so please try to humor him.

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered:  Garrosh be runnin’ outta friends fast.

[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] whispered:  Oh and by the way

[Officer][Lorthemar]  Hello, Garrosh…

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Oh drat.  Two seconds too slow hitting return.

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Oh and LOOK who’s here now

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]:  yeah, but I’m *one* of his friends

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Oh goodness, LivingRedGirl, you look almost just like me!

[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] whispered:  Do you want to explain to me why I never heard a word from you about the whole Mokvar fiasco?

[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza]  Haha looks like it yes

You whispered to [Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]:  um

[Officer][Lorthemar]  Good evening, Warchief.

[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] whispered:  YES UM

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  At any rate, Leslie…

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Yeah, yeah, good evening, good morning, happy new year, whatever

You whispered to [Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]:  I guess I figured you were already getting updates from people more important than me

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  I know office politics can be precarious, Leslie.  I’m not unfamiliar with them myself.

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Are you ready to stop fucking around and put me back in place as guild leader?

You whispered to [Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]:  and I was probably still hoping there would be some explanation for everything

[Officer][Lorthemar]  While I still have my objections to the way you’ve been conducting yourself toward me and my people, Garrosh…

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered:  Ya ever stop ta ask yaself why, mon?

[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] whispered:  At this point I don’t particularly CARE about why

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  mostly just a coworker trying to drag me into his conflicts

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Or am I going to have to smack a bitch up first?

You whispered to [Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]:  look, I understand why you’re doing what you’re doing

[Officer][Lorthemar]  …case in point.

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  The bitch being you, by the way

[Officer][Lorthemar]  *sigh*

[Officer][Lorthemar]  In any case…I don’t want to hurt the guild over our personal squabbles.

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]:  ugh hang on

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Ah, interesting…

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  That’s refreshingly non-suicidal for you, Eyepatch

[Officer][Lorthemar]  So, yes, here.

You whispered to [Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]:  with the mokvar thing

[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] has been promoted to the rank Guild Leader.

You whispered to [Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]:  it’s just hard for me to accept a friend going off the deep end, is all

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  GRATS PWN

[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] has logged off.

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]:  ok that could have been ugly

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Is there anything particular to this conflict your coworker is trying to involve you in, Leslie?

[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin]  Dis is way too entertainin’.

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]:  anyway, like I was saying

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Or is it more along the lines of your typical…in-office sparring?

[Officer][Lorthemar]  I almost feel bad for him.

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  i tried to warn him about getting his network set up

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  1 SEC SHE HAD TO AFK

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  but oh no, he sees a goblin and just figures “catch-all tech genius”

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Ah, I see.  No rush.

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell]  since it appears most of my best sources of entertainment are away or disconnecting, i suppose i should go get some work done

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]:  look, I understand why you’re doing what you’re doing

[Guild][Lorthemar]  Be well, ProfHubert!

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  later prof

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell]  in my absence, bob, feel free to take over as interim satirist

[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin]  Hah, tanks mon.

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell]  just try not to stage some kind of sardonic coup while i’m away

[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin]  Haha, no promises, mon.

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji]  bye prof

[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] has logged on.

[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle]  bye prof

[ProfHubert | Faranell] has logged off.

[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin]  Welcome back, mon!  We missed ya!

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  WB AGAIN PWN

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]:  and I’m helping thrall because, well, he’s thrall, and I don’t think it’s right the way the trolls are being treated

[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza]  Welcome back Omgipwnedurface

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  UGH UGH UGH

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  wish I could do something to fix it, chief

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Yeah, I know

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  but I think you may be kind of stuck with it until you get back or orgrimmar

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  In all honesty, Warchief, the fact that you’re having such connection difficulties at the moment may be a reason not to resume control of the guild just yet…

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  I’m not sure there’s much to be gained from a guild leader who’s unable to be online to tend to the responsibilities of leadership.

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]:  but that’s as far as I can go

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Yeah, I hate to say it, but you might have a point

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  And frankly it’s getting way too annoying trying to stay on

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  I can well imagine.

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]:  I won’t stab him in the back

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  So yeah, let me do this

[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] has been promoted to the rank Guild Leader.

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  GRATS MRBADCRUMBLE

[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin]  Hey, grats, mon!

[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza]  Does leadership always change hands so often in the guild

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  whoa seriously?

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  NOT REALLY

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered:  Ya got ta listen to ya conscience, mon.

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  He already has control of the web site and he’s got the best handle on all the nuts and bolts

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  WELL MAYBE LATELY YEAH

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  So just as well to let him mind the shop for now

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  A wise decision, of course, sir.

[Officer][Lorthemar]  Congratulations, Spazzle.

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered:  I hope it’ll let ya sleep if tings go bad.

[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] whispered:  Also because, even with the Mokvar thing, you’re the only one of these clowns I actually trust

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  thanks lor

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Okay, so…

You whispered to [Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]:  thanks chief

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  I’m going to empty my mail just in case, and then log off here before something else pisses me off

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Of course, sir.

[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] whispered:  And I get why you kept quiet

[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza]  It’s gotten quiet

[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] whispered:  But let me make this clear

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  THAT USUALLY MEANS THE OFFICERS ARE TALKING

[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] whispered:  Mokvar is dead to me

[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza]  Oh

[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] whispered:  And if I ever find out where he’s run off to, he’s a dead man

[Guild][Lorthemar]  I know it can be a bit unnerving.

You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]:  hey

[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] whispered:  Anyway…later

[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered:  hi spazzle

You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]:  you haven’t heard anything from mokvar, have you?

[Guild][Lorthemar]  I wasn’t sure what to make of it myself when I first joined the guild.

[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] has logged off.

[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza]  Are you new

[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered:  not since he ran off

[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered:  why?

[Guild][Lorthemar]  …

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji]  oh hi lorthemar

[Guild][Lorthemar]  No.

You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]:  this is bad

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji]  did you join recently?

You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]:  this is really bad

[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza]  Me

[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered:  what?

[Guild][Lorthemar]  …

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji]  no, i could swear i’ve seen you before

[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza]  I only just joined a few minutes ago

You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]:  you remember the recall totem I told you about?  the one he left me to hold?

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji]  lorthemar seems new though

[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered:  yes

[Guild][Lorthemar]  I…

[Officer][Livindeadgrl | Sylvanas]  Perhaps you just have one of those faces?

[Guild][Lorthemar]  I believe I need to log off and step away from the game for a bit.

You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]:  the spirit link that a shaman makes with these totems makes them give off a green glow

[Guild][Lorthemar]  It’s not good for my rage.

You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]:  it jsut went out

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji]  i’m sorry if i upset you, lorthemar

[Lorthemar] has logged off.

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji]  oh bother

[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered:  oh

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  back

[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered:  that’s bad?

You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]:  yeah

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  sorry

[Guild][Livindeadgrl | Sylvanas]  Welcome back, Leslie.

[Guild][Livindeadgrl | Sylvanas]  Now where were we?

You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]:  the only reason the totem would go out like that is if mokvar were dead

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  sorry livindead, i cant right now

[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered:  but he can just wake up again, right?  like last time?

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  i just came back to say bye and log

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  theres stuff happening here rl and i need to go

You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]:  no, not like ‘waiting for my ankh to kick in’ dead

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  and so does puffy

You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]:  like for real dead

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  like right now

[HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] has logged off.

[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered:  oh dear

[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle]  actually i need to run too

You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]:  I need to go

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Is everything all right, Spazzle?

You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]:  I have to check on this

[Officer][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle]  no

You have logged off.

I hate wireless networks

Posted in Transcripts with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 2, 2013 by Garrosh Hellscream

earthonline10

Here’s another example why.

You have logged on.

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  haha yea right, your being sarcastic again

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell]  drat, i’ve been caught.

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  hi pwn

[Guild][Bob]  Hey OmgipwneduMon!

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Hey

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  hey boss

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Greetings, dear Warchief.

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  is your connection any better pwn?

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  I guess we’ll find out in a minute

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  lol

You have been disconnected.

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You have logged on.

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  UGH

[Guild][Bob]  Leslie!  Do it again, mon!

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  WB PWN

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  i didnt do anything!

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  I take it your connection is none too improved since last time, Warchief?

[Guild][Bob]  You put da connection voodoo on him, mon!

[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered:  still using the network grizzle set up for you?

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Yeah, apparently

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Also that Bob guy is rubbing me the wrong way already

You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]:  Yeah

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  On the topic of what you’ve been doing, Leslie, has work continued to be hectic?

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  He’d better watch it before I end up stabbing him in the neck

[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered:  honestly, you might as well hire a couple extra tauren to send up smoke signals for your wifi

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  You were starting to say, but ended up being sidetracked by ProfHubert.

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Speaking of me stabbing people, by the way, did you manage to get Lori straightened out?

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  BTW COULD I GET A GUILD INVITE FOR MY FRIEND

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  sure puff, just whisper me the name

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  ugh not really

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  If you’re referring to leadership of the guild, I think I’ve convinced him to be reasonable and pass it back

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  He was quite agitated before.

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  You know, not for anything, but didn’t we used to ask people to APPLY to this guild once upon a time?

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell]  does it really matter?

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  just some office politics i’m trying to stay out of mostly

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  I don’t particularly care about his moods

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell]  does anyone in this guild actually do anything other than sit around in guild chat?

You have been disconnected.

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You have logged on.

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  there you go!  welcome to the guild!

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell]  in point of fact, that’s not actually specific to in-game.

[Guild][LivingRedGirl]  Thank you all

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  lol

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  wb pwn

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  So as I was saying.  I don’t care if Ponytail is happy about it as long as he manages to get his panties unbunched long enough to hand over guild control

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Garrosh was just on and will likely be back momentarily, so please try to humor him.

You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]:  Oh and by the way

[Officer][Lorthemar]  Hello, Garrosh…

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Oh drat.  Two seconds too slow hitting return.

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Oh and LOOK who’s here now

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Oh goodness, LivingRedGirl, you look almost just like me!

You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]:  Do you want to explain to me why I never heard a word from you about the whole Mokvar fiasco?

[Guild][LivingRedGirl]  Haha looks like it yes

[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered:  um

[Officer][Lorthemar]  Good evening, Warchief.

You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]:  YES UM

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  At any rate, Leslie…

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Yeah, yeah, good evening, good morning, happy new year, whatever

[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered:  I guess I figured you were already getting updates from people more important than me

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  I know office politics can be precarious, Leslie.  I’m not unfamiliar with them myself.

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Are you ready to stop fucking around and put me back in place as guild leader?

[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered:  and I was probably still hoping there would be some explanation for everything

[Officer][Lorthemar]  While I still have my objections to the way you’ve been conducting yourself toward me and my people, Garrosh…

You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]:  At this point I don’t particularly CARE about why

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  mostly just a coworker trying to drag me into his conflicts

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Or am I going to have to smack a bitch up first?

[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered:  look, I understand why you’re doing what you’re doing

[Officer][Lorthemar]  …case in point.

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  The bitch being you, by the way

[Officer][Lorthemar]  *sigh*

[Officer][Lorthemar]  In any case…I don’t want to hurt the guild over our personal squabbles.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Ah, interesting…

[Officer][Lorthemar]  So, yes, here.

[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered:  with the mokvar thing

[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] has been promoted to the rank Guild Leader.

[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered:  it’s just hard for me to accept a friend going off the deep end, is all

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  GRATS PWN

You have been disconnected.

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You have logged on.

[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle]  bye prof

[ProfHubert | Faranell] has logged off.

[Guild][Bob]  Welcome back, mon!  We missed ya!

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  WB AGAIN PWN

[Guild][LivingRedGirl]  Welcome back Omgipwnedurface

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  UGH UGH UGH

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  wish I could do something to fix it, chief

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Yeah, I know

[Lorthemar] whispered:  Now that we’ve settled the guild issue, Warchief…

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  but I think you may be kind of stuck with it until you get back or orgrimmar

[Lorthemar] whispered:  Well…can we talk man to man?

You whispered to [Lorthemar]:  Yeah okay

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  In all honesty, Warchief, the fact that you’re having such connection difficulties at the moment may be a reason not to resume control of the guild just yet…

[Lorthemar] whispered:  Well, concerning the goings-on in Pandaria…

You whispered to [Lorthemar]:  Actually, I don’t know.  CAN we?

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  I’m not sure there’s much to be gained from a guild leader who’s unable to be online to tend to the responsibilities of leadership.

[Lorthemar] whispered:  …

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Yeah, I hate to say it, but you might have a point

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  And frankly it’s getting way too annoying trying to stay on

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  I can well imagine.

[Lorthemar] whispered:  Never mind.

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  So yeah, let me do this

[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] has been promoted to the rank Guild Leader.

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  GRATS MRBADCRUMBLE

[Guild][Bob]  Hey, grats, mon!

You whispered to [Lorthemar]:  Whatever, Lori

[Guild][LivingRedGirl]  Does leadership always change hands so often in the guild

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  whoa seriously?

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  NOT REALLY

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  He already has control of the web site and he’s got the best handle on all the nuts and bolts

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  WELL MAYBE LATELY YEAH

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  So just as well to let him mind the shop for now

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  A wise decision, of course, sir.

[Officer][Lorthemar]  Congratulations, Spazzle.

You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]:  Also because, even with the Mokvar thing, you’re the only one of these clowns I actually trust

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  thanks lor

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Okay, so…

[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispers:  thanks chief

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  I’m going to empty my mail just in case, and then log off here before something else pisses me off

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Of course, sir.

You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]:  And I get why you kept quiet

[Guild][LivingRedGirl]  It’s gotten quiet

You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]:  But let me make this clear

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  THAT USUALLY MEANS THE OFFICERS ARE TALKING

You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]:  Mokvar is dead to me

[Guild][LivingRedGirl]  Oh

You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]:  And if I ever find out where he’s run off to, he’s a dead man

[Guild][Lorthemar]  I know it can be a bit unnerving.

You whispered to [MrBadCrumble | Spazzle]  Anyway…later

[Guild][Lorthemar]  I wasn’t sure what to make of it myself when I first joined the guild.

You have logged off.

Slow burn

Posted in General with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on May 22, 2013 by Garrosh Hellscream

dominationpoint4

 

They’re going to turn against you.  Don’t let them.

 

I’ve had that note sitting on my desk since Garona left a couple hours ago.  Edwin Faranell – the old, young, original, human Faranell, the one had become unstuck in time and seen glimpses of his own future – gave it to me in another reality.  Months ago, or years ago, depending on how you count.  I’ve carried it with me ever since – literally and otherwise.  I took it out after Garona left, and I’ve been sitting here in my office in Domination Point staring at it.

The Vol’jin thing was irritating enough, but at least that got taken care of.  Baine?  Annoying, but I can’t say I’m surprised by his endless griping, since he was always pretty much Vol’jin Lite.  I didn’t really see Lor’themotherfucker coming as the latest malcontent, but then again I hardly ever noticed him at all until recently, so whatever.

But this news about Mokvar makes my blood boil.

For the longest time, he was just some random generic dude hanging out in Grommash Hold.  I befriended him, brought him in on all our major operations, made him one of my personal aides.  My personal scribe – this after he hadn’t even TRAINED inscription until I threatened him with severe pain encouraged him to broaden his interests.  Ordered Garona to shadow him while I was in Pandaria, to make sure he stayed safe.  DEFENDED him to Malkorok I don’t know how many times.  Now he’s got me wondering if I was taking the wrong side in that bizarre feud of theirs.

After he was attacked that night, I could understand him acting weird for a little while.  I mean, I’ve never died, and I don’t plan to anytime soon, but I can see how it could do a number on your head.  So I was willing to give him some slack for some weirdness.  But this goes way, WAY beyond weirdness.  Him going to Neeru Fireblade was fishy enough, considering everything he knew.  And the fact that he forcibly broke out of Orgrimmar infuriates me to no end.  Him hanging out with a HUMAN to boot, well, the less said about that the better.  But the part that REALLY eats at me?  That I’m going to be lying awake nights fuming over?  Magatha.  He went to Magatha.  Cut a fucking DEAL with Magatha, for some purpose I STILL don’t fucking understand.  And now he’s on the loose, who knows where doing who knows what.

And you know, I think this business with Mokvar pisses me off more than any of the other malcontents.  Even when Vol’jin was threatening to put an arrow in my heart, he didn’t spit in my face.

Well, I’ve had it.  With all of it.  I should have listened more to Malkorok.  I’ve given these people too much slack.  And all I get for it is people running their mouths at me and then running around behind my back.  Well, enough is enough.  I’m done putting up with this crap.  I’m taking the gloves off Malkorok, cracking down on all the bullshit I’ve let slide for way too long, and finally getting these people reined in.

There’s a new sheriff in town, fuckers.  And his name is Garrosh Hellscream.

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