* Ever since she first met Garrosh in person, Taktani has had trouble letting go of the misperception that saying someone’s name twice is a Pandaren custom.
[Once again, more tomorrow...]
* Ever since she first met Garrosh in person, Taktani has had trouble letting go of the misperception that saying someone’s name twice is a Pandaren custom.
[Once again, more tomorrow...]
So this one was a surprise. Here I was, going through my volumes and volumes of fan mail LIKE I GET ON A DAILY BASIS, and lo and behold, I get a message from someone nominating me for an award. The someone in question was Myriade, writer of Myriadoscope, and the award in question was something called the Liebster Award, which I didn’t really know anything about at the time but which I could already say with confidence that I DAMN WELL FUCKING DESERVED.
So I did a little looking around to see what the deal was with this award, and what I would need to do to beat out the other nominees to win it, like if there was honorable combat involved because holy crap you know I would be all over that shit, but, come to find out, it doesn’t work that way. There’s no final WINNER, just a chain of nominees naming other nominees to draw people’s attention to other blogs. Which is kind of cool, as far as spreading the word about good reads, even if it IS a little hippie for my tastes what with the “we’re all winners!” vibe, which, come on.
Anyway. Here’s the quasi-official description of the award, which everybody seems to be quoting, because it’s the hip thing to do these days:
Well, it is only an AWESOME award given to up and coming bloggers. Given by other up and coming bloggers. It’s a cool way to find other blogs and feel like you are getting into the blogging stratosphere. It is simple, you get nominated by someone else, mention their page and a link to their blog in your Liebster Award Post, answer the 11 questions they give you, then tag 11 other nominees and give them a new set of 11 questions to answer.
So, as you can see, receiving the nomination means I have some work to do now. FUCKING AWESOME IDEA FOR AN AWARD, FOLKS, HONOR PEOPLE BY STICKING THEM WITH FUCKING HOMEWORK. Anyway. Here are the 11 questions from Myriade:
1. Favourite race/class in WoW and why?
Quick note on the lingo here: Those of you who aren’t as internet-savvy as yours truly might be a little thrown off by that “WoW” acronym. Apparently it’s a new thing in online circles to use that as an abbreviation for “Whole of World,” as in, fucking everywhere. Which, granted, is kind of like how some people will literally say “LOL” now rather than just laughing, which I’ve never really gotten on board with myself, because fuck those assholes. Anyway.
As for the actual question, I mean, come on, you even need to ask this? Orc, because what the fuck else would I want to be, and warrior.
2. Achievement/Title you’re proudest of?
Obviously, the easy answer here is the title of Warchief. Hard to top that one. Still, I could probably make a case for Chieftain of the Warsong Clan, since that one came from me pulling my emo head out of my ass to assume my place as leader of our clan and Grom’s successor.
But, nah, I’m still going to go with Warchief.
Although, since I’m probably going to be heading down to Blackrock Mountain soon, I may have to see about picking up [Leeeeeeeeeeeeeroy!] while I’m in the neighborhood.
3. What’s in your bags (any character, or all of them)?
Huh. I’m not sure if this is asking about real life, or my Earth Online characters. I mean, for myself in reality, I don’t really walk around with a whole lot of stuff on me. (Such as, you know, a shirt.) I try not to weigh myself down more than I have to, seeing as I need to be ready to leap into action at a moment’s notice, and really, keeping Mannoroth’s tusks balanced on my shoulders can be a tough enough job on its own, without lugging extra crap around with me.
As for my EO toons, hoo boy, they have flat-out TOO MUCH stuff in their bags. Just tons of random crap, receipts from vendors, little odds and ends that they’ve picked up but aren’t really useful for anything but I still haven’t ever gotten around to tossing. And by the way, I just have to ask, who the fuck is the psychopath over at Genesis Entertainment who designed the bag system in Earth Online? Dude, you can’t carry fucking ANYTHING with you! You pick up like six or seven things, and your bags are full. Have these game designers never left their houses or something, so they don’t even know about stacks of 20?!
4. Favourite expansion/instance/boss fight?
Huh. Another Earth Online question. Okay. Well, there’s still plenty of content I’ve never gotten around to, to be honest, but I’m pretty fond of the BlizzCon raid. It’s always kind of a hoot seeing which random contestant spawns you get in the cosplay gauntlet leading up to the Joker Jay <Host with the Mohr– er, Most> boss. But I think my favorite encounter is the Lore Panel council fight — you know, the one with the lead quest design guy, and the historian adds, and most of all the council leader guy, Chris what’s-his-face, the dude with the beard who kinda sounds like Varian. I LOVE getting to run up and smack that guy in the face. Especially if it’s one of those pulls where he randomly mind controls me for a minute and makes to do some shit that doesn’t make a damn bit of sense.
5. Pet peeve in WoW?
Wait, you want me to narrow this down to one? I don’t know about that. But here’s a few, off the top of my head:
Gnomes. OMFG gnomes.
Whoever it is who keeps using the last of the toilet paper in the Grommash Hold outhouse and not putting out a new roll. (Your Warchief does NOT like having to do the Waddle of Shame over to the storage shed.)
“There”/”their”/”they’re”. Because FUCK YOU, internet:
Varian, especially the way he keeps breathing.
Being corrected on which one is Dontrag and which one is Utvoch, as if anybody really gives a shit.
6. What inspired your blog?
I think I mentioned this way back in my first post. It all got started when Eitrigg recommended I take up blogging. He said I might find it a helpful outlet, to talk about what’s on my mind, keep a running record of my experiences, all that sort of thing. I think he figured it would give me a chance to reflect more, and think about situations before acting. Or some lazy old man shit like that. Anyway, that’s how it got started, and it’s just been a gravy train of awesome since then. AREN’T YOU LUCKY.
7. Favourite blog-related moment?
Umm… Well, considering I detail almost everything that happens to me here, pretty much any moment from the last couple of years would be a blog-related moment, right? Gotta say, that one mailbag where Windblossom wrote in about clocking Varian still gives me all kinds of happy. Memory lane:
I’m sure there others. I might point out others as I think of them.
8. One thing you can’t live without?
Okay, okay, go ahead and make your joke about lemon squares.
Real answer? Sappy as it sounds, Gorehowl. Not even for what an awesome weapon it is, either. Having it with me is like a constant, living (but not) reminder of where I’ve come from, of the legacy of my father and the resilience of the Horde, of everything our people have endured and overcome. Having it with me is like a validation of our kind. Like a little part of Grom is still here, watching what he enabled us to become.
9. Place you’d most like to visit?
Hmm. You know, I’ve gotten around a whole lot the last few years, between the Northrend campaign, and all my inspection visits around Azeroth, and now all our work in Pandaria… I’m not sure if there’s really anywhere I haven’t gotten to see at this point, other than, like, other planets and shit. Or, say, getting to see places I know, like back home on Draenor, back before things got all fucked up. But that would be changing WHERE I’d most like to visit to WHEN I’d most like to visit, which is cheating, for one thing, and also, FUCKING TIME TRAVEL.
10. Favourite fictional character?
At the risk of being repetitive, this guy:
I mean, can you imagine if someone like that actually existed?
11. Soundtrack to your life?
Well, most days, when things are going fairly well, it’s pretty much this:
But there’s also this:
(Also, in that one, note the Mortimer cameo at 3:24!)
And, let’s face it, given the clowns I usually have surrounding me, some days I feel like it might as well be this:
And last but not least, if I’m honest, when I’m in one of my more puckish moods, this:
Also, the kazzoo? That’s totally me.
So, next up. This is the part where I’m supposed to link 11 more blogs, and give those bloggers 11 questions of their own to answer. One problem, though — I was going back through some blogs to tag, and while there are a few that still haven’t gotten a nomination already, for every one I found that no one had gotten to, there were like 10 would-be nominees that were already off the table. So, you know, if you do the math there, that means that in order to pull together my 11, I would have to rifle through something like 110 blogs, and, I mean…I’m just way too lazy for that shit. I mean really.
SO. Here’s where I cheat a little and change things up, so I can still do some tagging and point some attention to some worthy bloggers, while also indulging my laziness. STAND BACK, BITCHES, because your Warchief is about to flip the script like Lor’themar flips benches.
SO, here’s the deal. I’m still going to toss out 11 questions to be answered, but instead of scraping together a blog list to tag, I am tagging…YOU. That’s right, you — if you’re reading this post, consider yourself tagged, so you scroll your ass right down to the comments and post a reply with your 11 answers. NO DUCKING OUT ON THIS COMMAND FROM YOUR WARCHIEF, PEOPLE. Especially if you’re one of my regular readers and commenters — I know you’re out there, and I know who you are, and most importantly I KNOW WHERE MANY OF YOU LIVE.
And now, the questions. READ ’EM AND WEEP.
There, you have your assignment. Get to it! YOUR WARCHIEF HAS SPOKEN.
Faranell’s gotten things lined up for Shayari’s move to the Undercity. She won’t be leaving for a couple days still, but everything should be in order. That also leaves me some time to get down there to see how she’s doing before she heads out of town. I haven’t gotten much of a chance to go see her yet – yeah, yeah, I know, even after Liadrin made such a stink over it – what with everything else I need to take care of around here. I’m not going to be in Orgrimmar much longer than Shayari, only in my case, when I leave I need to know everything is set to run smoothly while I’m in Pandaria, and in order to make sure that happens…well, come on. You’ve seen the pinhead minions I’m surrounded with, mostly. Hell, even Malkorok has been in lousy spirits (yes, even by Malkorok standards) ever since he got back from helping the doc with Shay’s arrangements the other day.
Anyhow, point being, there’s been a shitload of stuff going on. We’ve got some major construction projects in the works, which means we’re going to need tons of resources. Lumber, fuel, the whole nine yards. We even need to up the food supplies just to feed all the extra workers we’re bringing in. In order to keep up with the demands, I’m reassigning some Kor’kron to the Barrens to work on gathering resources. On the plus side, all the manpower we need pretty much means there’s no such thing as unemployment in Orgrimmar anymore. (That should look pretty damn nice on my record when I run for reelection. OH WAIT, THAT’S NOT HOW IT WORKS, I’M APPOINTED FOR LIFE. Suck THAT, would-be rivals from within my own party.)
Needless to say, all this has kept me pretty busy with meetings and planning sessions and OH DID I MENTION THE FUCKING PAPERWORK? And this time around I can’t even shuffle it off on Eitrigg, since he’s being all pissy about being quasi-sorta-kinda-demoted. Things have been so packed, schedule-wise, that I’ve barely had a chance to catch any down time…but, seeing as this is the first time in months that I’ve actually had a stable internet connection…
You have logged on.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] but if you get a buff from eating, why don’t you a bigger buff if you eat more?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Well well, look who we have here!
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] because they want you to go do things in the game, not sit around eating all day
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] A good day to you, daddy dearest.
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] well that’s just crazy talk
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Hello Omgipwnedurface
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] …
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] HI PWN
[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji] hi omgipwnedurface
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] hey boss
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So I’m guessing you’ve talked to Faranell
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] wait, what?
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] GOOD TO SEE YOU ON
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: hello, garrosh, i was wondering if i could have a word with you
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] I swear I didn’t say anything to her, boss
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: Oh this should be good
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah hi
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] He emailed me earlier, yes sir.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Oh yeah, I know YOU’RE all about keeping secrets, Half-Pint
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Faranell, that is. Not Spazzle.
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] NOT ME
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] yeah
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] By way of making arrangements for the arrival of…what was her name again?
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered: hey, did you get my email?
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] I HOPE YOUR CONNECTION IS BETTER
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Shayari
You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]: Yeah, I did
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: well i’ve been thinking about the mokvar situation – it seems like his problems all go back to blackrock mountain, so i was thinking maybe if did some looking around there we might be able to come up with some new leads
You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]: I think I get why you did what you did, not that it still doesn’t irritate the fuck out of me
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] no really, whats with the daddy dearest thing?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Ah yes, Shayari. Lovely name. Does it mean anything?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, I’m back home on my normal connection
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh, you haven’t heard, Gayle?
You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]: It better be. I’ve had more than enough of everybody running around with secrets
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: i was talking to eitrigg a few days ago and he mentioned his son lives near there, and knows blackrock mountain well, so he might be able to help investigate
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] OH COOL
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Oh fucking hell
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered: me too
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Well apparently it means “I think I’ll go blab” in banshee-talk
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Our esteemed guild leader is a father.
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: Okay, so tl;dr, you’re still picking at the damn Mokvar thing, and what a shock, now Eitrigg is encouraging you in continuing to be a pain in the ass
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] …
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Here we go
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: Now listen to me because I’m only going to say this once
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] oh boy…
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] …
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Congratulations Omgipwnedurface
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] ok
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] YAH GRATS
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] ok
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Thats wonderful news
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: I don’t give a shit what Mokvar had gotten himself into. By the time he got shown the door, he’d burned about fifteen bridges, and I’m past the point of caring why. He’s dead. And if he’s not dead, he might as well be, because he’s dead to ME
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] ok
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] WHAT???
You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]: So whatever hairbrained scheme you’ve got in mind, drop it. Let it GO. THE END
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] You really had to, huh?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] ^_^
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] he’s
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] WHAT
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] A bouncing baby girl, if I’m told correctly.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] … … … …
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I mean…seriously?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Well, to be fair, Warchief…
[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered: if you say so, sir
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] THATS AWESOME PWN
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] ok so obviously I must have been staring at an old god or something
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Dontrag and Utvoch haven’t logged on in weeks. Jaina hasn’t been on as much lately.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] because I MUST have gone insane and thought I just read that
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I need to amuse myself -somehow-.
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Mrs Pwnurface must be so excited
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh, I know, Gayle; at first I thought the news was too good to be true as well!
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] oh yes
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] yes PWN, let’s HEAR about mrs pwnurface
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] For fuck’s sake
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] HOW ABOUT HER PWN
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] You know what
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Again, out of fairness, Warchief, I’m not even lying.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] She’s DEAD, actually, if you must know
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] When Faranell told me, my first thought honestly was, “Oh, this is too good.”
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] OH YIKES
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay, so listen, after this, could you PLEASE zip it about the kid?
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] you’re spiritsdamned right she’s dead
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I was planning to try to keep this hush-hush for now
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh course, dear Warchief.
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] I’m so sorry Omgipnedurface
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Was it in childbirth
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Henceforth I will keep your secret locked away in the securest of figurative underground vaults as if it were a recalcitrant death knight.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] No, it was later
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] She got sick from a plague, basically
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] A plague? Oh dear, it wasn’t one of ours, was it?
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] OH
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Oh dear
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] That is, rather…it -wasn’t- one of ours, certainly.
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Since obviously we have long since stopped making plague.
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] WAIT HOW LONG AGO COULD THIS BE IF YOU’RE A NEW DAD
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] What plague, actually? Did someone mention plague?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] That sounds ghastly to me.
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] YES
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay look
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] EXACTLY HOW LONG AGO
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Ick, plague, I say. Blech!
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] How are -you- today, Spazzle?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I’m going to go over this once and then have done with it, okay?
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] And YOU STFU ALREADY GAYLE
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] hey, don’t try to drag me into this
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] I’m in enough trouble already
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] oh oh I’m all ears
[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] you’re on your own!
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh, drat.
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] NOT UNLESS “EAR” IS THE NEW WORD FOR “MOUTH” AND I MISSED THE FUCKING MEMO OR SOMETHING
[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] FINE
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Okay
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: I mean SERIOUSLY, WTF??
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So yeah, I’ve got a daughter
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] She’s not a newborn, she’s in her teens now, I just… let’s just say I just gained custody and leave it at that
You whispered to [Nightengayle | Garona]: Oh will you knock it the fuck OFF
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Custody, and awareness.
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: and the surprise daughter is a TEENAGER already too?!
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Have you not said enough already today?
[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh, never. ^_^ But do continue.
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Oh congratulations
[Officer][LivinDeadGirl | Sylvanas] Re-sealing the vault! ^_^
You whispered to [Nightengayle | Garona]: Yeah, she is, and hey, check it out, she even got to be a teenager in real time, unlike some other people I could mention
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] So yeah, she’s just in town for a little while now
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] That’s the long and the short of it, and if you don’t mind I’d rather not have to answer like a zillion questions about her
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: …
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: how is this the first I’m hearing about this??
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] YAH I CAN SEE HOW YOU’D WANT TO KEEP YOUR PRIVACY
You whispered to [Nightengayle | Garona]: Hey, listen, I didn’t even know about her until last week
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] If you don’t mind me asking one question though Omgiownedurface
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: oh aren’t you a prince
You whispered to [Nightengayle | Garona]: when Liadrin came breezing into town with a little bundle of WTF in tow
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Why is she only in town a little while
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, fine
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: wait a minute
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: liadrin???
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] And I promise I won’t pry any further
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] That much is simple, she’s going away to school, pretty much
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: THAT stick figure? are you KIDDING me??
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Oh
You whispered to [Nightengayle | Garona]: NOT LIKE THAT FOR FUCK’S SAKE
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Well I’m sure youll miss her
[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Yeah, I’m sure
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] But its important sometimes to give your children that push off the ledge and hope they fly
You whispered to [Nightengayle | Garona]: Liadrin found her in Silvermoon after she got kicked out of Dalaran for being half orcish
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] You cant protect them from everything however much you might want to
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] UM RED
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: wait, HALF orcish? what’s the other half then? because I swear if you slept with a human I think I’ll scream
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Sometimes theyre going to get hurt
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Or captured
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Or mutated into monstrosities
You whispered to [Nightengayle | Garona]: YOU FUCKING FUCKED MEDIVH, who the fuck are you to criticize?!
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] RED
[EdwardBear | Ji] has logged off.
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] And then you have to authorize their extermination for the greater good
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: I was young and into older men!
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] But thats parenting for you
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] RED CHECK YOUR WHISPERS
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered: um, boss?
You whispered to [Nightengayle | Garona]: Well I was young and into draenei girls!
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] What were we talking about again
[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] Oh okay
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: …
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: !!!
You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]: What?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Incidentally, Honalee, is everything all right with Leslie?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I don’t mean to pry, but I’m not accustomed to seeing you online without her.
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: ok I need to log off for a few
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: I need to go stab something
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] YA SHE’S JUST BUSY WITH WORK THIS WEEK
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Oh? Anything in particular?
[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered: WE WILL CONTINUE THIS LATER
[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] NOT REALLY, JUST THE SAME STUFF SHE’S BEEN DOING THE LAST FEW WEEKS NOW
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered: so… I’m afraid our furry companion has gone and done something rash
[Nightengayle | Garona] has logged off.
That player is not online.
You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]: Oh no, what did Fat Boy Slim do now?
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I like to think I’ve been able to provide her with something of a supportive ear from time to time. I’m more than happy to do the same for you, if you’d ever care to have a sounding board.
[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered: well… I think he may be about to skip town to head to blackrock mountain
You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]: Fucking hell
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] Sometimes it can be helpful to air your thoughts with someone impartial.
[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] I need to log. Some things just came up here that I have to check on
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] You know, concerns for your significant other, anxieties, random specific details about her exact undertakings these days, including but not limited to key initiatives, dates, and locations.
You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]: I’m coming over, you can fill in the rest then
[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] I know, I know, it’s cliche. But still.
You have logged off.
So, Faranell was still working on his tests when I went to see him. I figured I’d leave him alone so he could concentrate on his work rather than, you know, concentrate on making smartass comments. Anyway.
In the meantime, I’ve been trying to finish up these meetings. I had a conference earlier today with Overseer Elaglo about his new duties “helping” Eitrigg with things. Eitrigg didn’t sound to thrilled about the new arrangements, but it’s not like he’s got much to say in the matter. Didn’t stop him from saying a few things on his way out, though. Anyhow, we also had Xorenth in to go over the details of another project I’ve got him and Elaglo collaborating on. Taktani sat in on the meeting – she managed to keep herself mostly reined in, by some miracle – but for the time being I’m going to hold off on posting those transcripts. Most of them, anyway. Some of the operations we were going over are fairly sensitive, so I don’t think I want to go announcing them on the blog.
As opposed to all the other highly sensitive, top secret stuff I casually write about here on practically a daily basis, right? Like, oh, I don’t know, evidently being the surprise dad of a half-draenei teenager, for instance. Pending confirmation, anyway. Oh well. It’s all among friends here, I guess. Anyway.
Speaking of the pending confirmation, though…over to the de-classified part of Tak’s handiwork…
(How about here, Mr. Warchief? Oh good! Now it’s okay to start copying the meeting. I like this part better anyway, there’s not as much talking about the angry fire cave. I don’t think I would like it there. It sounds scary! Oh okay, I guess I’m taking too long to get to the meeting.
I guess I’ll start with the part where Mr. Malkorok came in. Don’t worry, though, he doesn’t stay long!)
MALKOROK – Warchief, you have visitors waiting outside. The elf and the undead want to see you.
GARROSH – Ah. They’re a little early, but whatever. Let them in.
MALKOROK – Yes sir.
(Mr. Malkorok stepped outside, then came back in with Ms. Liadrin and Dr. Zombie.)
LIADRIN – Good morning, Warchief. I hope we’re not interrupting.
GARROSH – It’s fine. We’re close to done here. In fact, I think you guys are set with your orders.
ELAGLO – Yes, sir. I still need to check with the excavation crew.
XORENTH – And I’m fairly sure Kardris and Koranathal wanted to see me about something.
GARROSH – I’ll let you get to it, then. I’ll check in with you later.
(Mr. Elaglo and Mr. Xorenth got up and started to head toward the door.)
LIADRIN – I hope we’re not rushing you gentlemen off. I don’t believe we’ve met, actually. (extending her hand) I’m Lady Liadrin, of the Blood Knights of Silvermoon.
ELAGLO – So you are.
(Mr. Elaglo and Mr. Xorenth kept walking to the door and left. That didn’t seem very nice!)
LIADRIN – Well then.
(Mr. Warchief watched Mr. Elaglo and Mr. Xorenth, then kept watching the door for a minute before turning back to Ms. Liadrin.)
GARROSH – Okay. So, do we have news?
LIADRIN – Dr. Faranell has finished his tests, yes sir.
GARROSH – And?
FARANELL – Congratulations. It’s a girl. (holding out a cigar) Here, have a cigar.
(Mr. Warchief looked at Dr. Zombie kind of funny, then went back to talking. I guess Mr. Warchief doesn’t smoke. That’s good!)
GARROSH – You’re sure?
FARANELL – The results were pretty clear-cut. (shrugs) You’re sure you don’t want the cigar? Seems a shame to waste it, on top of all that perfectly good ichor from the test.
LIADRIN – I must admit, sir, I can’t say I’m terribly surprised.
GARROSH – You kind of had that vibe from Shayari from the start, huh?
LIADRIN – After a fashion, sir.
FARANELL – Good call. Cigar?
LIADRIN – (sighing) No, Doctor.
GARROSH – So that’s that… She’s settled in okay?
LIADRIN – More or less, sir. Though now I suppose we’re left with a few more questions to address about her situation.
GARROSH – Yeah.
LIADRIN – No doubt you’ll have security matters for you and…the overlord to consider.
GARROSH – For the time being, I want to stay pretty selective about who knows…well, who she really is.
LIADRIN – Fairly prudent, I suppose, sir. For now, at least. I would imagine there will be more than a few questions raised as she’s seen around Orgrimmar, of course.
GARROSH – I can deal with those. The questions… (nodding to Malkorok) …and anyone who starts getting too nosy.
MALKOROK – I have ears in many corners of the city, Warchief. I’ll be sure to find out if anyone is…unduly curious.
GARROSH – Good.
FARANELL – Good indeed. Here, have a cigar.
(Mr. Malkorok glared at Dr. Zombie and grumbled a little.)
FARANELL – Cigar? No? No one?
GARROSH – Will you knock if off with the damn cigar!
MALKOROK – If you’ll…excuse me, Warchief, I’ll be outside…
(Mr. Malkorok grumbled a little more and left. Yay!)
FARANELL – Oh well, fine. More for me, then.
TAKTANI – You really shouldn’t smoke, Dr. Zombie! It’s bad for you!
FARANELL – Hello? Already-dead guy.
GARROSH – Tak, just stick to copying down the conversation, not joining it.
(I was just trying to help! =( )
LIADRIN – If I might make a further suggestion, sir, I’ve been considering the matter of Shayari’s ongoing education. As you may recall, she was studying to be a mage in Dalaran when the purge took place.
GARROSH – Huh. Well, we have trainers here, and I could probably have Ureda get her in with the newest shadowmages, but to tell you the truth, I don’t know if I want her handing around too much down in the Cleft of Shadow.
LIADRIN – It is, I’ve heard, something of an unsavory area, sir.
GARROSH – Among other things. So anyway, you had an idea?
LIADRIN – Yes, sir. I thought it might be preferable to entrust her training to someone more familiar to us. I’ve spoken to Dr. Faranell about the matter, and he’s expressed his willingness to take Shayari on as an apprentice.
FARANELL – You left out the part about my extortionate fee.
GARROSH – Huh. Are you sure you’d be up for a job like that, Doc? I mean, no offense, but you never really struck me as a particularly powerful mage.
FARANELL – I’m not, really. I’m not bad, mind you, but I’m nothing special. Still, for training purposes, especially for the early stage Shayari’s at, high-end power isn’t nearly as important as a good knowledge base.
LIADRIN – Which is an area in which we’re actually…particularly fortunate to have a resource as rare as the good doctor.
FARANELL – Fortunate for the rest of you, anyway.
GARROSH – Uh, why’s that? I mean I know you’re a smart guy and all, Doc, but what’s so rare about him?
LIADRIN – Well, Warchief, as you might recall, Dr. Faranell was blessed with an eidetic memory.
FARANELL – Oh yes. Blessed.
LIADRIN – As such, he has a near-perfect retention of virtually every magic sourcebook he’s read. And that particular capacity was… well… augmented by one of the peculiarities of Dr. Faranell’s personal history.
FARANELL – Is that what we’re calling it now? A peculiarity?
LIADRIN – There aren’t many terms that lend themselves readily.
GARROSH – Are you two going to finish explaining this, or do I have to start guessing what the hell you’re talking about?
FARANELL – The time loop.
GARROSH – I… Oh.
GARROSH – Yeah, oddly enough, I remember, even without the doc’s super-memory. It was kind of a big deal.
LIADRIN – Indeed, sir. As it happens…well, Doctor, I imagine you can explain better than I could.
FARANELL – Yeah, so. You know that while I was in the time loop, I kept reliving the same 11-year period over and over. Only the thing is, each time around, I experienced that repetition individually. So if I went around five times, it wasn’t like I experienced it once and it kept repeating without my knowing – I was aware of each time through, and knew, okay, this is pass #5.
GARROSH – Yeah, I remember that part. And you ended up going around…crap, how many times was it?
FARANELL – 2,734. I was in the middle of number 2,735 when I got snapped out of it again.
GARROSH – Holy shit.
FARANELL – Holy shit indeed. Anyway, though, the point of all this is that every cycle through, I had to repeat all the things I’d originally done in that timeline, obviously, so as not to disrupt history—
GARROSH – Well, other than how you DID disrupt history, and, y’know, almost destroyed the world in the process.
FARANELL – Yes, there’s that, but nobody’s perfect. Even me. One thing that I realized fairly early on, though, was that even though I had to preserve all the things I was supposed to do in those years, there was also an awful lot of down time when it really didn’t matter what I was doing. Nights when I was alone by myself at home, for instance – it really didn’t matter if I spent the time, say, doing a crossword puzzle or playing solitaire, since it would literally affect no one other than me.
GARROSH – Dude, seriously? Crossword puzzles and solitaire? Please tell me that’s not what you really spent your nights doing.
FARANELL – No, but I didn’t think “designing more virulent strains of plague” rolled off the tongue as well. Shall we continue, or are you not yet finished noting how lame I was for not making varsity?
GARROSH – Yeah, fine, whatever.
FARANELL – At any rate… Well, let me put it this way. Have you ever thought, “Boy, there are all these books I’d like to read, if only I had the time to get around to them”?
(I think Mr. Warchief might have thought Dr. Zombie wasn’t finished yet, because he didn’t say anything. He just stood there looking at him for a minute. I hope Mr. Warchief’s ears are okay!)
FARANELL – Okay, silly question on my part. But you can grasp the concept of that, right?
GARROSH – Yeah, sure. World enough and time. Got it.
FARANELL – Well… Thanks to my…circumstances… I had over 30,000 years to get around to them.
GARROSH – Holy… Hang on. How many books did you end up “getting around to”?
FARANELL – Pretty much all of them.
LIADRIN – And again, sir, it bears noting: he made his way, in essence, through the entire repository of written knowledge…with a photographic memory.
GARROSH – (letting out a long, low whistle) Whew. So, yeah, you’re definitely the man for the job here, Doc. And hey, I guess this means you get to be a professor like your brother, huh?
FARANELL – Yes, well, hopefully not too much like him. He sort of jumped the rails there at the end.
GARROSH – Huh. Yeah. Actually, though, this works out pretty perfectly. Shayari can move on over to the Undercity, she can be a little more low-profile there, you can teach her the ins and outs of all that magic crap, everybody wins.
LIADRIN – Well, sir, I hadn’t really meant that Shay should—
GARROSH – We might as well get the ball rolling right away on this, in fact. MALKOROK!
(Mr. Malkorok leaned back in through the door.)
MALKOROK – Yes, sir?
GARROSH – Malk, Shayari is going to be going back to the Undercity with the doc here. I want you to go with him now and help make any arrangements he needs. Transport, storage, whatever he needs. You clear?
MALKOROK – (giving Faranell a disdainful glance) If you wish, Warchief.
LIADRIN – Warchief, might I suggest before we go ahead with this—
GARROSH – No sense wasting time when we’ve got a winner of a plan, Liadrin. Hop to it, Doc. Malkorok will make sure you get whatever you need.
(Mr. Malkorok stood in the doorway and looked to Dr. Zombie while gesturing out the door. He almost looked polite! I wonder why he looked like something hurt…)
MALKOROK – If you’ll…come this way…undead.
FARANELL – (walking to the door) Oh good. I was afraid my day couldn’t become any more delightful.
(Mr. Malkorok and Dr. Zombie left.)
GARROSH – Gotta hand it to you, Liadrin, that was a pretty clutch idea about the doc.
LIADRIN – Well…thank you, sir. Although I can’t say I’d expected you to want Shayari altogether relocated to the Undercity…
GARROSH – Hey, kids her age go away to school all the time.
LIADRIN – That’s true, sir, but most of them are coming from a home that’s fairly stable to begin with. Shayari, on the other hand, has already been uprooted once from a place she’d considered home.
GARROSH – She should be fine with Edwin looking after her. Plus she can always zip up to Brill if she needs some fresh air. Or fresher air. Or, well, somewhat-less-noxious air.
LIADRIN – Yes, sir. Although… If I might ask you something, sir? I don’t mean to intrude into your personal matters…
GARROSH – I think that train left the station when you showed up with a surprise daughter for me.
LIADRIN – Well, sir… Have you gone to see her at all, since the other day?
GARROSH – No. I haven’t. I’ve been busy enough trying to take care of business and tie up all the loose ends that have been coming loose since…I… haven’t been around to un-loose them…
LIADRIN – I understand that you’re a busy man, of course, Warchief. At the same time…she is your daughter.
GARROSH – I’m aware, yeah.
LIADRIN – Don’t you think you should?
GARROSH – When I get a chance to, Liadrin. Worst case scenario, I’ll be sure to see her off before she takes off with Edwin, and…
LIADRIN – I understand that this has been a lot to be added to an already full plate, sir. I’d like to reassure you, though, if you feel it would be helpful to have a sympathetic ear as a new parent — a sounding board, as it were — I would be more than happy to—
GARROSH – Not for anything, Liadrin, but what would you even know about it?
LIADRIN – More than you might suppose, Warchief. A few years ago, shortly after the Outland campaign, I adopted a young blood elf girl from the Shattrath orphanage. She’s fourteen years old now. So, you see, I’m not completely unfamiliar with having no children one day, then suddenly having a grown child the next.
GARROSH – Yeah, well, that’s nice and all, Liadrin, but I’m sure I can handle it.
LIADRIN – I’m sure you can, sir. So does that mean you’ll be going to see her? Well before any possible departures?
GARROSH – This really isn’t any of your business, Liadrin.
LIADRIN – All things being equal, sir, I would agree. Though given that the past several days I’ve been taking it upon myself to help her with her transition, I suppose you might say I’ve developed a bit of a vested interest.
GARROSH – Liadrin, I get what you’re trying to do, and yeah, fine, you’ve kind of got a point about me going to talk to her, but you know what? I don’t know this girl. She shows up out of nowhere, and I don’t know the first thing about her. I don’t know what the fuck I’m supposed to SAY to her.
LIADRIN – (smiling kindly before beginning matter-of-factly) She grew up in Nagrand, and as a child lost her mother to a pernicious disease. She never knew her father, only through stories, and everything she’s heard of him has told her that he’s a monster. (walks to the door, turning back briefly before exiting) I’m sure you’ll come up with something.
So since that last little…discovery…Liadrin’s been buzzing around Orgrimmar, helping with the relocated refugees. At least as far as the world at large can see. Most of the new arrivals have settled in pretty well. A few are pretty eager for some payback against the Alliance, in fact, so we’ve even gotten a few new recruits out of the deal.
Mostly, though, she’s been helping Shayari get adjusted. Ordinarily, I wouldn’t be too keen on a blood elf taking up the job of teaching someone what it means to be Horde, but I’ve worked with Liadrin enough to know she’s got a pretty good head on her shoulders. Plus Shayari already seems to be on decent enough terms with her, so she’s probably going to be more comfortable with Liadrin than she would with some other random person.
Meanwhile, I had a meeting this morning with Krog, who was reporting on a few investigations he was working on while I was in Pandaria. What he found ended up prompting me to schedule another impromptu meeting this afternoon.
Kicking it over to Tak’s record…
(Yay! I get to be Mr. Warchief’s scribe again! Mr. Warchief looked super serious, so I guess this was a big important meeting. Ms. Ben-Lin Panda Lady was there, and so was Mr. Krog, another orc I don’t know too well. I’m sure he’s nice, though! Mr. Warchief must have a hard job if he needs so many people to help him! I hope I do okay!
Mr. Malkorok came in at the start of the meeting, but he only stayed for a minute. He didn’t look very happy, though. He should smile more! I bet he wouldn’t be so grumpy then. He brought Mr. Goblin and Mr. Ji Panda Man with him. I think maybe their feet were sore, because Mr. Malkorok was carrying them by their collars. That’s nice of him! Maybe he’s starting to be nicer!)
MALKOROK – Here they are, Warchief. Let me know if they cause you any…difficulty. (flinging Spazzle and Ji into the room) I’ll be only too happy to use less of a soft touch to show them out.
(I guess not. He seems so mean sometimes. I don’t understand why. =( )
GARROSH – That’ll be all for now, Malk. I’ll check in with you later.
MALKOROK – Yes, sir. If you’ll excuse me, then, I have a few matters to see to with the provisioners.
(Mr. Malkorok left. Yay!)
SPAZZLE – (rubbing his head) So… um… what’s going on, boss? You know if you wanted to see me, you could have just shot me an IM, or—
GARROSH – Yeah, well, I wanted to make sure you got over here without any extra stops along the way.
JI – Oh. Um… is it a surprise party or something?
(Ooh is it? I love parties! Yay!)
GARROSH – Oh, there’ve been some surprises, all right.
JI – Is there cake?
SPAZZLE – Ji…
GARROSH – But this is no party.
(Oh. =( )
SPAZZLE – So… what’s up, boss?
(Mr. Warchief looked back at Mr. Krog and Ms. Ben-Lin-Lin. Then he turned back and stared at Mr. Goblin and Mr. Ji for a minute. He looked really angry – I wish he wouldn’t get so upset!)
GARROSH – Did you really think I wasn’t going to find out?
SPAZZLE – (blinking) Um…?
JI – I don’t think I underst—
GARROSH – YOU keep quiet, Paddington. I’ll get to you. (turning back to Spazzle) Now then. Back to you.
SPAZZLE – Uh… okay…
GARROSH – See, I’ve had Krog here looking into a few security matters while I’ve been away. And, oh man, did he ever have an earful for me this morning.
SPAZZLE – Oh… So, um… what was Krog… uh… looking into, chie—
GARROSH- Don’t sit there and act like you don’t already know, dammit. Don’t insult my intelligence on top of everything else.
(Mr. Goblin started looking really nervous.)
GARROSH – (pointing to Ji) Now, THIS one I could understand, because seriously, who knows WHAT Stuffed-With-Fluff here is thinking any given day. But YOU? You’re the last one of ANY of these clowns I would have expected to go sneaking around behind my back.
SPAZZLE – I… sneaking around… (eyes going wide) Oh… oh frak…
GARROSH – OH FRAK IS RIGHT, whatever the fuck it means. Did you SERIOUSLY think I wasn’t going to find out you were getting mixed up in this Mokvar business?
SPAZZLE – I swear, boss, I only ever talked to Vol—V—ohl. Oh. Oh! Oh…yeah. The Mokvar business! Right. That’s…that’s what I’ve been doing, all right. Red-handed, yes sir. That is indeed the entirety of my suspect behavior, absolutely. Don’t, um, don’t know what I was thinking, chief! (slapping his own hand repeatedly) Bad! Bad Spazzle!
GARROSH – Dude, seriously, you are so fucking weird sometimes.
(Everyone’s so upset today! It makes me sad. =( )
JI – Garrosh, you shouldn’t be angry with Spazzle. I was the one that—
GARROSH – Believe me, Deep-Dish, there’s PLENTY of blame to go around. From what I can tell, you’ve BOTH been keeping plenty busy. MATTER OF FACT – Krog, you wanna give them the short version before they start getting a case of patchwork memory?
KROG – Yes, sir. (flipping through a note pad) Shortly after Eitrigg banished Mokvar—
GARROSH – Only good move the old prune made while I was away, by the way.
KROG – …Fizzletrinket was observed meeting with Mokvar and the human Deliana in Everlook, Winterspring.
SPAZZLE – Wait, how did you trail me to Everlook?
KROG – I’m a rogue. Work it out.
SPAZZLE – But why were you observing me?
KROG – I observe everyone.
GARROSH – He’s very thorough.
SPAZZLE – But I hadn’t done anything—
GARROSH – Until you did?
KROG – To continue… (flipping through pad again) No unusual behavior observed until some weeks later. A short time after the purge of Dalaran, Fizzletrinket is known to have reached out to Earthen Ring contacts in and around Orgrimmar. Shortly thereafter, Firepaw observed traveling to Earthen Ring outpost in Twilight Highlands. Subsequent investigation indicated Firepaw had approached Earthen Ring elders concerning locating Mokvar.
GARROSH – So. Here’s where one of you starts talking. I don’t really care which one.
(Mr. Goblin and Mr. Ji stared at the floor. Maybe they didn’t hear Mr. Warchief? Oh, or did someone drop something?)
GARROSH – Okay then. How about this. Why weeks of nothing, then all of a sudden you jump into Mokvar mode? Was it a signal? Some message he got to you somehow, maybe something you planned for at your little get-together in Winterspring?
JI – We haven’t heard anything from Mokvar, no…
GARROSH – I know he gave you something, Greenie. Some— what was it, Krog?
KROG – A small parcel, sir. Delivered to Fizzletrinket in Everlook. I wasn’t able to confirm what it was exactly.
GARROSH – Yeah. So…was that part of it? Or is it some other surprise I get to look forward to?
SPAZZLE – It… it was a totem.
GARROSH – Go on.
SPAZZLE – It’s called a recall totem. Shamans attune themselves to them so they can teleport back home with their Astral Recall spell.
GARROSH – And Mokvar was giving it to you because…?
SPAZZLE – So… when this was all over…he could bring himself home.
GARROSH – Oh, so you mean, back home to the place he got himself BANISHED from? And you just went right ahead and helped him set up to pop back into town and do spirits-knows-what he’s planning?
SPAZZLE – It doesn’t really matter at this point…
JI – You don’t know that.
GARROSH – What the hell does that mean?
SPAZZLE – The totem… the totem went out. It fizzled out. The spirit link between Mokvar and the totem was broken, and the only reason that would happen is if Mokvar was dead. Like, for-real dead.
JI – We still can’t be sure.
SPAZZLE – You only say that because you’re not a shaman. You don’t understand.
JI – I say it because I’m not a pessimist.
SPAZZLE – Anyway. That’s…that’s why we were trying to reach the Earthen Ring. To see if there was any way to find out for sure what happened to Mokvar.
GARROSH – You just said he’s dead. What else is there to know?
SPAZZLE – (shrugging) I don’t know.
GARROSH – Huh. Dead. (thinks) Good then. Best news I’ve heard all day.
BEN-LIN – Garrosh, please—
GARROSH – Not now, Ben.
BEN-LIN – If he is indeed gone, there is nothing to be gained from—
GARROSH – Ben, CAN it. So. You two. Why?
SPAZZLE – (staring down) I guess I just wanted to believe there was a reason for all the weird things he was doing.
BEN-LIN – Garrosh, it does not appear there was really any harm in—
GARROSH – DAMMIT, BEN, STOP ACTING LIKE MOKVAR WAS SOME POOR INNOCENT VICTIM! I still don’t understand half the shit he was doing, but I don’t need to. Dealing with some human, with that Neeru Fireblade…most of all cutting some kind of deal with MAGATHA. You haven’t been around that long, Ben, so I don’t expect you to have any idea what that MEANS—
BEN-LIN – I understand your anger, Garrosh. But what Ji and Spazzle have done—
GARROSH – IS THE SAME DAMN THING. (glaring back at Spazzle and Ji) Listen… I can deal with the bitching from Baine. And I can take it from Lorthe’motherfucker, because what else would I expect from him? And I can take it from Sylvanas, because let’s face it, she’s kind of evil anyway. They come with the job. I inherited them. But THEM… Spazzle and Mokvar… I CHOSE them. I fucking LET THEM IN. And now—
BEN-LIN – And now you feel betrayed and angry. I understand.
GARROSH – Is this where you give me one of your speeches about pushing the anger down and burying it, or some shit?
BEN-LIN – Not at all. Your emotions are real and valid. They cannot be contained and ignored, or they will only fester; they must be let out, and dealt with.
GARROSH – Listen, you’re here to help me try to talk sense to Double Stuff over there, not to start fortune cookie-ing on me.
SPAZZLE – Look, chief, I get why you’re mad, and I’m sorry…
JI – I’m not.
GARROSH – (blinking) Excuse me?
BEN-LIN – (facepawing) And here we go.
JI – I’m not sorry. Mokvar is my friend. He’s your friend, too. I don’t know why you’ve chosen to forget that, but I don’t regret trying to help him.
GARROSH – Lunchbox, maybe you just haven’t been paying attention to what the fuck’s been going on, or maybe it all just slipped out of your damn head, what with all the bacon fat you’ve got up there apparently—
SPAZZLE – Whew, and I thought I was in trouble up to a minute ago.
GARROSH – …but I tried to help Mokvar too, when all the weird crap started happening. I tried to PROTECT him – and he thanked me by running around with at least two and maybe three or four of enemies. If he was such a great friend, you want to explain to me why he’d be dealing with the likes of Magatha? Riddle me THAT one, Pudge.
JI – I don’t know.
GARROSH – Yeah, so—
JI – That doesn’t mean he had no reasons for doing what he did. It only means we don’t know what those reasons were. Until I find out, why should I assume the worst?
GARROSH – Because you’ve got an ounce of sense in your head? OH WAIT, APPARENTLY YOU DON’T.
JI – Garrosh, I don’t know all of what Mokvar was doing, but I know he’s a good man. So whatever he’s done, I’m willing to trust it was what he needed to do.
GARROSH – Yeah, well, that’s great, Second-Serving, but you know what? Some of us have to live in fucking REALITY-LAND.
JI – Garrosh—
GARROSH – Seriously, Ben, do you hear this shit?
BEN-LIN – I do.
GARROSH – I don’t know where he gets this crap.
BEN-LIN – We study it, sir.
GARROSH – Yeah, well— what?
BEN-LIN – Consider, Garrosh: I know – well, I suspect – you are already familiar with the Huojin philosophy of action, that challenges are to be faced directly and decisively.
GARROSH – Yeah, I remember one of you people yammering about that when you first got here.
JI – That was me.
GARROSH – It was?
JI – Yes, sir. Right before you made us fight an arena full of monsters.
GARROSH – Ah. Well then.
BEN-LIN – And while we hold to this ideal of decisive action, Garrosh, another key component for us is that those actions be based upon the world as it is, not as the world as we might wish it to be.
JI – Otherwise, you expend your energy trying to force square pegs into round holes, then raging at the pegs for not fitting.
BEN-LIN – It is a point I have tried to make with you before, Garrosh. Much of your anger, I feel, stems from insisting of the world, “This is not supposed to be happening this way,” then attempting to force it to happen some other way.
GARROSH – Funny, I feel pretty sure it stems from the fact that I’m surrounded by TRAITORS AND FUCKING MORONS.
KROG – Um…
GARROSH – Not you, K.
BEN-LIN – “Traitors and morons,” as you put it—
GARROSH – FUCKING morons. Not just garden variety.
BEN-LIN – …being a perception, you see, grounded on the insistence that those people’s choices and intellects should be something other than they are.
GARROSH – I… erm… what the FUCK does any of this have to do with fucking ANYTHING? I don’t even know what we’re fucking TALKING about!
JI – It’s not that complicated, Garrosh. Things happen in the right way, at the right time – when you let them, rather than struggling against them. Mokvar needed to act. So he followed the path that the world placed before him. Just as I, faced with a friend in danger, acted by following the path that was available to me.
BEN-LIN – According to Huojin, the greatest wrong would be not to act.
GARROSH – Oh for fuck’s sake… Well, whatever, Heaping-Helping, your “paths” or whatever have reached a dead end.
JI – Actually, I’d wanted to ask you, I was thinking—
GARROSH – Well DON’T. DON’T think. Just do what you’re fucking told for once. Starting with parking yourself at home and staying there. (turning to Krog) Krog – escort Stay-Puft here back to his house, and make sure he stays there. I’ll have a guard sent over to keep an eye on the door.
KROG – Yes, sir.
GARROSH – Consider yourself under house arrest until I decide what to do with you.
JI – But I think there still might be a—
GARROSH – THERE’S NOT. THE END. Now GO.
JI – If you say so, Garrosh. Time will tell, I suppose…
(Mr. Krog left with Mr. Ji. I’m confused. Everybody seems so upset and nervous and they’re yelling and arguing and nobody seems to be getting along even though we’re all friends and I don’t understand why. It gives me sad kitty face. =( )
SPAZZLE – Really, chief, try not to be too hard on him. He’s just been worried since Mokvar disappeared, and—
GARROSH – Why are you talking like you’re off the hook now yourself?
SPAZZLE – Um…
GARROSH – You can count yourself lucky that, far as I can see, you’ve mostly just been the messenger in all this. And BOTH of you are lucky Mokvar’s gone to the big rez timer in the sky, otherwise I wouldn’t be nearly so generous with either one of you. But you, Short Stack, you can consider yourself under house arrest too while I cool down. Just so happens, I’m not so worried about you trying to skip town before I post the guard.
SPAZZLE – Uh…yeah, okay, chief… I guess I can keep myself busy online for a while, while you…you know…think things over.
GARROSH – I mean, seriously, with all the time you spend on Earth Online, you’ve practically been on self-imposed house arrest almost the whole time I’ve known you. You’ll live.
BEN-LIN – I think it is wise that you are not rushing to a decision with angry, Garrosh.
GARROSH – Yeah, whatever, Ben. Anyway, Spazzle, you get your tail back home pronto. I need to go track down Faranell and see if he’s finished those tests on Shayari yet.
BEN-LIN – Shayari?
SPAZZLE – Yeah, she’s… (stopping himself, looking to Garrosh) Um, that is…
GARROSH – (shrugging) Whatever, I’d end up telling her anyway. Shayari’s my daughter. We think.
BEN-LIN – Your… you have a daughter, Garrosh?
SPAZZLE – It’s okay if you need to sit down. I did at first.
GARROSH – Yeah, we think so. Faranell’s doing his tests now, but her story seems to check out.
BEN-LIN – I see. (thinking) Well then. I will clear my schedule for the next week.
GARROSH – Turns out, she was born back in Nagrand when I was like eighteen, only I never knew about her until just a few days ago.
BEN-LIN – So…you have a long-lost, newfound…teenage daughter?
GARROSH – Yeah.
BEN-LIN – Very well. The next two weeks.
SPAZZLE – You haven’t heard the best part yet.
BEN-LIN – Oh dear.
GARROSH – Uh, yeah, she’s…kind of…well, her mother was draenei. Shayari was living with the Alliance in Dalaran until, you know, the shit hit the fan and Jaina kicked her out…
BEN-LIN – A month. One month, but that is as far as I can go.
GARROSH – Anyhow. I need to go find the doc. Might as well get this confirmed, as if there’s any doubt left at this point, what with how Mortimer is doting over her. I’ll expect you back at your house before the guard gets there. Don’t make me come looking for you, Greenie.
(Mr. Warchief left, still grumbling a little.)
BEN-LIN – A daughter… why that is… How old did you say she is?
SPAZZLE – Seventeen, I think.
BEN-LIN – Goodness, that is…that is simply remarkable! And he had no idea until now?
SPAZZLE – You wouldn’t ask that if you’d seen the shade of gray he turned when he found out.
BEN-LIN – My word… This is astounding! Garrosh reunited with an unknown daughter, from across faction lines! I scarcely have words for it!
SPAZZLE – Huh. You know, not for anything, but you seem really jazzed about this.
BEN-LIN – Are you kidding? (beaming) This is going to put my grandchildren through college.
[A quick update on the Transmogs for Shayari contest! First of all, thank you to the many readers who have already sent in outfits for Shay – they’ve been great so far, so keep them coming! I just wanted to correct an error that I noticed in the original announcement: I had listed the deadline for the contest as Saturday, February 27. This is problematic, in that February 27 is not a Saturday. Don’t ask me what happened there. I was probably having another one of my many episodes. At any rate, I figure I may as well err on the side of giving people more time rather than less, so let’s revise the due date to the next Saturday after the 27th, which would be March 1.
I think. Hang on.
<checks calendar all paranoid-like>
Yes, there we go. So, officially: the deadline for the Transmogs for Shay contest is SATURDAY, MARCH 1! Get thee to mogging!]
So now that things are kind of under control in Pandaria, Malkorok and I have been taking a few days to travel back to Orgrimmar and check on things there. So far it’s been one damn thing after another, all the way down to Orphan Matron Battlwail giving me a few dirty looks, for what reason I have no idea. I swear, if I leave town for any length of time, everything goes right down the tubes. It never ceases to amaze me how many of these people turn into a bunch of Dontrags and Utvochs if they don’t have me there to cut their meat into little pieces for them.
Center stage, though, is Eitrigg. I left him minding the store while I was in Pandaria, and no sooner had I boarded the ship than all that crap started going down with Mokvar. I had a good long meeting with Eitrigg earlier today about just what the fuck was going on, and he tried explaining his reasoning for Iffy Decisions A through G, but honestly I’m starting to think age is starting to catch up to him. I’ve got another meeting lined up with him later in the week, and I’m thinking I may have to arrange a little more…support before I head back south. I’ve already talked to Overlord Runthak about taking over military command directly, and beyond that, I’m thinking Eitrigg could benefit from having a Kor’kron overseer or two assigned to him to do a little, well, overseeing. Overseer Elaglo’s been doing some good work on a couple projects, so I’m thinking he might be in line for the call.
Anyway, I’ve got a bunch more people I need to touch base with, but our old buddy Liadrin is in Orgrimmar and has been asking to see me — not to mention I’ve had Spazzle in my ear yammering away on her behalf, about some big important thing she needs to discuss with me. So I figured I should see what’s up with those two. We hooked up outside Grommash Hold right after my debriefing with Eitrigg. Luckily, Gurtash’s hand is healed up enough that he’s able to get back to doodle duty…
* Horde agents, with aid from within Dalaran, stole the Divine Bell from Darnassus, as accounted here.
** As Garrosh notes, Jaina did indeed get a bit upset about this. Spazzle reported on the purge of Dalaran here.
* Liadrin arrived in Orgrimmar and met with Spazzle here.
I just received a message from Lady Liadrin in Silvermoon. As if there wasn’t already enough going on these days, it looks like the Kirin Tor have gone crazy.
After Horde agents captured the Divine Bell from Darnassus, Liadrin says, Jaina Proudmoore determined that the operation had received aid from within the Kirin Tor. She was…none too pleased about that. As a result, she arrested Aethas Sunreaver as a traitor and began a purge of Dalaran that’s been going on for the last few days. The Sunreavers and any Horde citizens in the city are being arrested or driven out. Or worse.
Grand Magister Rommanth recruited the aid of Horde adventurers to try to get as many of their people out of Dalaran as possible. Since then, there’s been a flood of refugees coming into Silvermoon. Liadrin has been helping to coordinate the influx of refugees as they’ve arrived. While most of the arrivals from Dalaran have been Sunreavers – blood elves – there were also other Horde citizens who were driven out. Orcs, trolls, tauren, even a few Forsaken. Liadrin has been working to sort out who will be staying in Silvermoon and who needs to be brought home to Kalimdor.
That’s where we get to her reason for contacting me. To be honest, I was surprised to get a message from her at all, seeing as she’s never actually met me, but I guess she picked up my name somewhere. She says she’s working with Eitrigg to arrange to bring a zeppelin of refugees to Orgrimmar. When she arrives, she wants to meet with as many of Garrosh’s friends as possible. (She can probably use a fairly liberal definition of “friends” and not tax her schedule too much.) She didn’t say what she wants to talk about, only that it’s important. I guess we’ll see once she gets here.
So I was finally able to get a decent internet connection going again, long enough to get my mail sorted out, and I figured since I have a decent bunch of letters from you peeps, and I haven’t offered any mailbag love for a while, I might as well do just that. Because you know me – your Warchief is nothing if not all about the love.
It’s my first weekend back in Silvermoon in I don’t know how long, and man, is the mood different around here these days. Whether you’re going to think that’s good news or bad news depends on how you interpret that.
Remember my first letter? The one where I was basically advocating high treason against the Regent-Lord? A lot of us used to be dissatisfied that he was doing a whole bunch of nothing. The impression around here, at least if you believe the spin from the Silvermoon Star-Tribune, is that the Regent-Lord’s approval numbers are way up since he started getting jiggy with it down in Pandaria. Yes, the Star-Tribune is calling what Lor’themar’s doing down there “decisive leadership” and “proactive management”. And the public seems to be buying it.
Either that, or they’re just glad that he’s somewhere else, and hoping he eats a Mogu hammer somewhere along the way. That’s the other way to look at it.
To be honest, I’m not sure which one I’m buying, yet. That’s something I’ll have to think about when I get back to Pandaria.
–A Concerned Citizen
Hey, ACC. You know, my first reaction here is that people probably ARE a little happier about Lori because he’s been away. Problem is, if that were true, you’d think that I would start finding him less annoying since he’s gone BACK to Silvermoon recently. But…nope. He high-tailed it out of Pandaria, then promptly made a big ol’ cluster fuck of that whole business with the sha box…and the less said about the sideshow going on in my Earth Online guild, the better. I suppose it’s still a LITTLE less irritating, but only because I don’t have to listen to him live and in person. At least until he comes strolling back down here again.
Also, not for nothing, but are you sure the reports in your little dorky newspaper are reliable? Who’s doing the writing? It’s amazing what a little propaganda can do for a ruler’s perception. Or so I’ve heard.
I’ve been following some of your interactions with Lord Theron and I was wondering if you limited your observations to him or if you think all Blood Elves are like that.
I’ve been in Pandaria just about since the beginning (but I can’t explain how Anduin got away–that was General Nazgrim’s job, not mine) and have tried to do my part for the Horde. Also: Pandaren don’t seem to have barbers. Anywhere. Not a one on this damn continent. You should give us credit for coming here anyways even with that sacrifice.
–Vyrin Dawnstar, Shrine of Two Moons, Pandaria
P.S: If anyone told you about Anduin and the Temple of the Red Crane, I deny it all. Not me. Nope. Must’ve been someone else helping him. If that hasn’t been brought to your attention yet, please ignore this part.
Hmm… Well, Vyrin, I guess that depends on what you mean by “all blood elves are like that.” I mean, like what? Spindly and break-easy-ish? Because, well, sorry, but you guys kind of are. A little too preoccupied with the uber-luxurious hair? I refer you to your second paragraph. (By the by, I think the lack of barbers in Pandaria is because the pandas just shed. Can you imagine the cleanup crews you’d need in Silvermoon if the elves were like that?) That said, I DON’T think all blood elves are like ol’ Eyepatch in the absolutely-completely-utterly-useless department. I mean, Lady Liadrin has always struck me as pretty sharp and on top of things, and…um…okay, give me a minute here, I’m sure I can come up with a second example.
Okay, I’m going to have to get back to you on this, but seriously, I’ve got a…reasonably strong suspicion there’s at least one more I can name.
Also, though, what? Anduin at the Temple of the Red Crane? I’ve heard some scouting reports about that Red Crane place, actually. I may have to do some followup on that place…
My Dearest Warchief,
That scar on your lip is so sexy. It makes you look very manly and tough. I’ve been wondering though how you got it. I’m sure there is some extraordinary tale of bravery and valor associated with it. I’d like to hear it.
Your devoted admirer,
Hoo boy. Here we go again with Wega. So…yeah… For those of you who maybe haven’t noticed, Wega is talking about the scar I have on the right side of my upper lip:
So, okay, I know you’d probably figure I got the scar from some glorious battle, or one of the times I’ve squared off with Varian, or something else like that, but as it turns out, it was really more of a fluke injury. One night about a year and a half ago, give or take, I was trying to reorganize some of my junk in Grommash Hold, and I was stashing a couple boxes of stuff on a high shelf. While I was stretching up to reach the shelf, I lost my footing and fell over. Now, ordinarily that wouldn’t have been a big deal, except it just so happened that Mortimer was there with me, and was curled up on the floor sound asleep. Until I slipped and fell, and landed right on top of him, and he was so startled that before he knew what was going on, he snapped at me. And, yeah, got a nice chunk of my lip.
So, that was fun.
Gotta say, though, in a way it was kind of endearing afterward – once Mortimer knew what was going on, he DID act all sad and apologetic, and spent the next few days following me around trying to make nice. Once again, wyverns are better people than most people.
Now granted, having my lip cut open by wyvern fangs wasn’t exactly fun, but depending on how you look at it, I still don’t think I’ve gotten the worst of it from Mortimer. That honor probably goes to Malkorok. A few weeks ago, I was talking to Malkorok while I was getting ready to leave the Sanctum of Two Moons, then walked past him to the landing platform out front. Mortimer was following along behind me, and just as he was passing Malkorok, Mortimer stopped, lifted one leg up…and fucking peed on him. Oh man, you should have seen the look on Malky’s face. Especially when I pointed out, “Dude, considering what that usually signifies for a wyvern, you LITERALLY just got owned.”
Mr. Garrosh, sir!
I want to thank you for helping us DPS kids and, you know, stuff.
I have a question though.
What happened to all your hair? I saw pictures of you and you had hair at one time, but now you don’t. Do you plan to grow your hair again? How would you wear it?
–Ruekie, Shaman-in-Training, Domination Point
What is this, fucking “Everybody Ask Garrosh to Explain His Personal Appearance Week”?
Oh, wait, hang on, it’s one of the kids.
What is this, blankety-blank “Everybody Ask Garrosh to Explain His Personal Appearance Week”? You kids – DO NOT read that first part from a couple lines up, YOU UNDERSTAND ME?
Anyway, yeah, Ruekie, I used to have a ponytail, right up through my time in Northrend. I wore my hair like that going all the way back to when I was a kid. To tell you the truth, it was pretty much the best of iffy options, as far as something I could do with my hair that would look maybe-sorta decent. See, while Grom had a really thick, full mane of hair, I guess I must have gotten mine from my mom’s side of the family, because my hair was always fairly coarse and stringy and just…patchy all over my scalp. Even as a kid, I pretty much had the beginnings of male pattern baldness going. And really, it shouldn’t come as that much of a surprise that I wouldn’t have that great of a head of hair – you know the old saying, grass doesn’t grow on a busy street.
Anyway, the ponytail was just a way to yank it all together that didn’t look flat-out terrible. Eventually, when I moved to Orgrimmar, I figured the hell with it and just cut it off. Which first of all, is much more low-maintenance. No more spending ten minutes every morning tugging it all together and trying to bind it up and then having the band be too loose so you start feeling it slipping out little by little all morning, or getting that one strand caught halfway through the pull-through and then feeling your roots getting pulled every time you look to one side, or…ugh, yeah, whatever. Way easier this way. Not to mention it’s way more practical in battle – it’s one less thing to get caught somewhere, and one less way for an enemy to grab you from behind.
Besides, much better to just embrace the baldness and go with it, rather than try to compensate with something that looks maybe-not-quite-terrible-if-you-squint-a-little. This way, it just announces to the world, “Yes, I’m bald. DEAL WITH IT.” Confidence is very sexy, don’t you think?
(Maybe I shouldn’t have put it that way. I can hear Wega scribbling out another letter as we speak…)
Cool little web form you have here. Sometimes those techie goblins do have some good ideas. (Not often, but sometimes.)
Anywho, my question for you this week is this: If you were to retire from warchiefin’ tomorrow, who would you choose as your successor and why?
You know, Kaija, this is actually a pretty decent question. For all the good things about the Horde, we don’t really have a clear line of succession. I mean, obviously if I were going to retire – presumably years down the road when I’m a gray-haired (FIGURE OF SPEECH, RUEKIE, DON’T GET EXCITED) old man basking in the triumphant glow of my many glorious victories – I would be in a position to sit back, think it over, and pick out an appropriate successor as Warchief. But what if something happens before I have the chance to? What if I get sick or injured? What if somebody decides it would be a bright idea to throw me a surprise party for my 70th birthday, and the ol’ ticker finally gives out? What if – I know this is a long shot, but still – what if I die in battle somehow before we even get to the wrinkly stage? What then? WHAT THEN, I ASK YOU?
So, it’s probably not a bad idea to put a little thought into who a good successor would be, and maybe establish that that person is next in line, just in case something happens.
And then, you know, make it very clear to that person that I’ve left the Kor’kron with special instructions to follow in the event that I should die under circumstances that are in any way even remotely fishy. Such instructions including, but not limited to, the agonizingly slow execution of the successor, their siblings, their friends, their relatives, their next-door neighbors, and anyone who’s ever been seen being polite to them in public.
You know. Just FYI.
Anyway, we might as well be systematic about this, so I’m going to review some of the likely candidates to follow me as Warchief – and just for shits and giggles, I’m going to group them into suitable categories and even give my best estimate at their odds of getting the nod. Place your bets now.
THE “OH SNAP DID I SAY THAT” DIVISION
1,000,000 to 1
Not really an option, because guess what, bitches? HE’S DEAD. HAHAHA <snort> that cracks me up more than it probably should.
THE “I GUESS I’M OBLIGATED TO AT LEAST MENTION THEM” DIVISION
999,995 to 1
I mean…I guess he’s technically leader of the Bilgewater goblins, but… Well, like, does anybody even know where the fuck he IS half the time? I’m pretty sure the only times I’ve ever seen him were at the meeting of Horde leaders to prepare for the Theramore attack, and the celebration in Orgrimmar afterward. And, well, with the meeting, I pretty much sent notices to every goblin I could think of and then crossed my fingers hoping that word would reach him. And at the celebration…yeah, mountains of free food and booze, so of course he was going to show up for that. Honestly, I don’t get why the guy’s so low-profile. He had a fucking pleasure palace built in Azshara, and you can’t even find him THERE. Believe you me, if I ever commissioned the construction of Garrosh’s Pleasure Palace, you could call off the search parties, my ass would be there.
Hmm. Hang on a second, I need to jot something down on next month’s agenda planner.
500,000 to 1
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA… Yeah, sure, this guy as Warchief. Do I really even need to elaborate here? Come on.
200,000 to 1
You know, she would actually be a pretty strong candidate – to her credit, she IS intelligent, charismatic, and competent – if she didn’t creep the living FUCK out of everyone. Not to mention make you worry that she might then replace that aforementioned living fuck with some kind of weird-ass UNDEAD fuck under her control.
150,000 to 1
He’s a great warrior, he takes good care of his people, and you can practically see Cairne when you look in his eyes (not that that makes me at all awkward, no sir). He’s also freaking Vol’jin Lite what with the bitching and the moaning and the OMG Garrosh how could you. Because if there’s one thing you don’t want to stand for, it’s actually GOING TO WAR with the people you are ALLEGEDLY AT WAR WITH. Last thing the Horde needs is a fucking carebear in charge. And Thrall me no Thralls – Guy Smiley sat on his hands way too much too.
THE “I BET YOU DIDN’T THINK I KNEW ABOUT THIS MEME” DIVISION
A BASIC CAMPFIRE
5000 to 1
HAHA SEE I BET YOU ASSHOLES DIDN’T THINK I HAD A SENSE OF HUMOR ABOUT THAT SHIT.
THE “DIDN’T YOU RETIRE LIKE TWENTY YEARS AGO” DIVISION
500 to 1
Chieftain of the Frostwolf clan and friend to Durotan way back in the day. Lived through the corruption of the orcs, but refused to drink the blood of Mannoroth – granted it was largely because Durotan ordered the Frostwolves not to, but it still shows a certain level of principle AND loyalty to his clan all at the same time. Greatmother speaks about him just fondly enough to make me feel uncomfortable. The main down side, other than being blind and spending most of his time getting rolled around in a wheelchair by Captain Galvanger these days, is that since the Cataclysm…well…not to be mean, but let’s face it. Dude has just gone batshit senile. And that’s not even getting into the whole thing with him shitting himself. I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again. Old age is not kind.
200 to 1
He’s been around for ages, advised both me and Thrall, has watched over Orgrimmar while I’ve been down here in Pandaria, and has always been staunchly devoted to the well-being of the Horde. If we had some kind of lifetime achievement award to dole out, I would sign him up for it tomorrow, even if he DID get a little grumbly with me over the Theramore thing. Who didn’t, right? Shows what those fuckers know. Anyway. The point is, though, as much as I like Eitrigg, he’s pretty much one of those guys who’s basically a permanent lieutenant. You know the ones. Year after year, they’re always second in command to one general after another, and somewhere along the line, after like the fourth guy gets promoted over them to take command, you realize there’s a reason for it. Perfectly good at his job, but he’s just never going to be suited for the big chair.
Also, if he were in charge, can you IMAGINE how much time freaking Tirion would probably be spending in Orgrimmar? Do you really want to subject people to THAT?
100 to 1
Veteran of two wars. Served as Thrall’s right hand and as my executive officer in Northrend. He even served as acting Warchief for a little while, that time when I was off the grid. At the age of nine zillion, he’s still one of the biggest badasses around. He doesn’t sleep – he waits. Death once had a near-Saurfang experience. Mannoroth became more powerful by drinking HIS blood. There was going to be a street named after him in Orgrimmar, but the plan was canceled for safety reasons because nobody crosses Saurfang and lives. When warlocks make someone run away in fear, they pay a royalty to him. He’s considered an honorary shaman because he commands the element of surprise. I’m at least 50% sure some of these facts are made up. But you get the point.
So what’s the case against? You mean, other than at least two or three occasions that he’s threatened to kill me? You mean OTHER THAN THAT? Frankly, he’s a holdover from a Horde that’s a thing of the past – too old, too sentimental, too backward-thinking when we’re trying to move our people forward. Too willing to extend an olive branch to the Alliance when we need to be smashing them over the head with the whole fucking tree.
Mostly the threatening-to-kill-me thing, though. I don’t want to tempt fate. (Along similar lines, by the way, fate doesn’t want to tempt Saurfang.)
THE “I MIGHT ACTUALLY CONSIDER PICKING ONE OF YOU PEOPLE” DIVISION
50 to 1
This one is a dark horse candidate, no question. But the dude did yeoman’s work in Gilneas when he had the thankless job of keeping Sylvanas marginally under control, he’s run a tight ship in Hillsbrad at a time when the Horde finally secured a firm hold on the region, and he’s been our primary command officer in the Eastern Kingdoms going on a couple years now. The fact that he’s been able to work with the Forsaken with some measure of success is a major plus – yeah, they’re creepy and sketchy and just plain ol’ EEEESH, but they’re handy to have around. He probably needs some more grooming for higher things, but he’s worked his way into the conversation for future high-profile assignments.
25 to 1
You know, Malkorok really has most of the bases covered: he’s smart, uncompromising, and relentlessly devoted to the Horde, with a sharp tactical mind and an indisputable ability to get shit done. He’s reshaped the Kor’kron, tightened up security, and demonstrated he’s one of the people you want fighting beside you on the battlefield. Down side? Well, let me put it this way.
About a year ago, some goblins tried to start up a business making wyvern food. They did all kinds of tests to find a good formula for it as far as ingredients, they did focus groups to give it the most appealing packaging, they launched a huge advertising campaign for it and made sure it was easy to find at all the vendors…and absolutely nobody bought it. How come? Because for all the things they had going for them and all the effort they put into packaging it just right…wyverns just didn’t like it.
Draw your own conclusions.
10 to 1
You all know this guy, and have probably worked with him on at least an occasion or two. And really, if being Warchief was purely a military matter, this would probably be the guy. He’s an excellent strategist and tactician, he adapts well on the fly, and since he came up through the ranks the old-fashioned way (I remember him serving under me in Northrend as a piddly-ass sergeant…and to put that in perspective, remember, freaking DONTRAG made sergeant), he appreciates what it’s like to be one of the grunts in the trenches and isn’t afraid to get in there and get his hands dirty by their side. Okay, there was that whole disaster where he shit the bed on security and let Anduin get away, but maybe he can delegate. But here’s the thing: being Warchief isn’t solely a military job. It’s also the political head of the Horde, which means that as Warchief, Nazgrim would essentially be steering the ship of state. And, well…we all know what happens when that guy gets near a ship.
5 to 1
Leader of the Dragonmaw and a no-kidding-around badass warrior. She took command of the Dragonmaw clan after helping to overthrow the nutjob “Warchief” Mor’ghor – gotta admire someone who has the stones to take down a corrupted leader for the good of the clan. She was new to leadership at the time, and I’ll admit I was probably a little tough on her in my assessments early on, but she’s really grown into the role, and she’s been stepping up to work on some more projects for me the last few months. I’ll also admit I might be swayed by seeing how she went about her business in that other world. Still a little green, though…I mean, green in the “inexperienced” sense. Not green in the fel-magic-drinky-drinky-demon-blood-grr-rarr-proud-ancient-culture-down-the-drain-oops sense. Was that insensitive? Anyway, she could probably stand to have a few more years working closely under the Warchief before she’s in line for the job herself. But she’s definitely on the rise.
2 to 1
Bet you didn’t see this one coming, did you? Just goes to show what an outside-the-box thinker your Warchief is. Hell, sometimes I’m so far outside the box that I don’t even know where the fuck the box is. What box, anyway? Fucking metaphors.
Anyhow, some of you might remember Bloodhilt from the southern Barrens, where he assumed command of our operations after former Warlord (and current zombie sous chef) Gar’dul managed to make a giant mess of things down there. Bloodhilt cleaned up Gar’dul’s fuck-ups, secured our position in the area, and made it possible for us to make our move on Theramore. Since then he’s made the trip with us to Pandaria, where he’s been commanding officer at Domination Point. Just a solid, stand-up officer who’s done nothing but impress from day one. Any way you cut it, you can get used to seeing his name cropping up, because he’s not going anywhere.
So, there’s your breakdown. On that note, I’m going to call it a day as far as answering the mail goes, but keep those letters coming and I’ll try to answer more of your questions as time allows. Since Spazzle’s form doohickey worked pretty well for this batch of e-mails, here it is again:
I usually don’t make a big deal of it, but one thing that honestly irks me a lot is when people assume that because I’m a goblin I must be friends with all the other goblins – like there’s no difference between the Bilgewater Cartel and any of the other goblin cartels. People just see “goblin” and figure I must have relatives in Ratchet, or know the guy they ran that errand for in Booty Bay. The fact of the matter is, the different goblin cartels are pretty separate a lot of the time, and having spent most of my life in Kezan prior to the Cataclysm, I hardly had any contact at all with the Steamwheedle goblins who came to settle in Kalimdor and the Eastern Kingdoms.
Funny thing, though – under the circumstances right now, that stuff probably made it a lot easier for me to sneak off to Everlook than it would be for anyone else. Even with Mokvar banished, the border patrols are still on watch and asking a lot of questions of travelers, but with me? They see goblin, hear “Everlook,” and automatically think “Oh, yeah, that must be cool.”
So I had a pretty easy time getting up there to see Mokvar. Deliana was with him, but she didn’t have too much to say. Neither did Mokvar, actually – at least not as much as I would have liked. Even when I told him about the banishment, he wouldn’t give me much of anything by way of reaction. He said something about being surprised Eitrigg would go that far, but he didn’t seem upset – if anything, he almost looked a little amused about it. Eventually he filled in a few small pieces for me, but mostly wouldn’t go into much detail. He said it wasn’t because he didn’t trust me, but because he didn’t want me to know too many things that I might have to deny later. That was fine with me, honestly. I feel like I’ve already got enough secrets to keep from Garrosh as it is.
The one thing he did fill in for me was about he and Deliana escaping Orgrimmar. He started right in with that, actually – one of the first things he did when I got there was ask if Ji was okay. Which he is, by the way. As it turns out, though, Ji knew all along what was going to happen. He and Mokvar had planned a while ago that if Mokvar were captured, Ji would gather up some supplies and come see him…and then let himself get knocked out, providing some cover for the escape in the process. I tried pressing Mokvar about getting past the guards, but he just said something about “guardian angels” and asked me to trust him.
And the thing is, despite everything that’s been happening, I do. Like Garona said the other day – when you look at everything Mokvar’s done, there are only two ways to account for it: either he has something planned that he can’t tell us about, or he’s a fool. And Mokvar being a fool…that’s just too hopelessly improbable for me to accept. So I’m choosing to trust him, until it bites me in the keister. At least now I know Ji and I are in this together. Sort of.
Also, the trust definitely isn’t one-sided. The main reason Mokvar wanted to see me was to give me something: a recall totem. It’s what we shaman use for our Astral Recall spell – we’ll attune this totem to ourselves, then keep it at home, or in some other safe location. As long as a shaman is alive, our link to the elements will let us teleport ourselves back to wherever that totem is. Mokvar gave me his and asked me to keep it safe. He said that when this was over, he would need a way to bring himself home, but in safe surroundings. Among friends. He considered leaving it with Ji, but he figured an extra totem would be less conspicuous with me since I’m a shaman too.
It still feels pretty conspicuous to me, though. But that’s probably just my imagination. It’s set out on my mantle now – among a bunch of other elemental odds and ends that I’m hoping will all blend around it, even though to me the recall totem is sticking out like a sore thumb. Still, I’m sure – I hope – that nobody other than me will think anything of it. So there it is, giving off that living green glow, with that blinking green light on top. Waiting for its chance to call Mokvar back home, after the world has finished dragging him back into his past.
I swear the Mokvar situation keeps getting more unreal. Latest news: Mokvar and Deliana have escaped, and right now nobody knows where they are.
It gets extra weird when you hear how it happened. Ji Firepaw went to visit Mokvar at his house. After he’d been inside a few minutes, the guards standing watch outside heard noises and went in to check. They found Mokvar and Deliana standing over Ji – who was unconscious on the floor. As soon as the guards were inside, Mokvar hexed one of them. We’re not sure what happened to the other guard – she just reports blacking out for a few minutes, and when she came to, Mokvar and Deliana were both gone.
Ji wasn’t hurt badly. He’s a little black and blue from taking one good blow on the head, but it’s nothing that won’t heal up quickly enough. He says he was just going to visit Mokvar and bring him a few things – some snacks, I guess, since among the pandaren one of the highest displays of friendship is the gift of food – but once he was there, Mokvar and Deliana suddenly turned on him.
I know. It doesn’t make much sense to me, either.
Eitrigg was already at his wit’s end over Mokvar, and when word got to him about this…well, let’s just say I’m glad I wasn’t actually there. Rumor is that this latest piece of news made him go positively Garrosh. And here’s the other thing – I can understand why Eitrigg would be angry, obviously, but I still wouldn’t have expected him to respond the way he has. I would have figured he’d send out search teams to hunt down Mokvar, put a bounty on his capture…maybe even issue a declaration that he’s a criminal at large and wanted for crimes against the Horde. As it turns out, as of this morning, all of those options have been bypassed in favor for the one last step that – in orc culture, anyway – pretty much the worst penalty possible.
By order of Eitrigg, under the authority granted him by the Warchief in absentia, Mokvar has been banished from the Horde.