Archive for earth online

The Liebster Award comes to Orgrimmar

Posted in General with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 14, 2014 by Garrosh Hellscream

liebsteraward

So this one was a surprise.  Here I was, going through my volumes and volumes of fan mail LIKE I GET ON A DAILY BASIS, and lo and behold, I get a message from someone nominating me for an award.  The someone in question was Myriade, writer of Myriadoscope, and the award in question was something called the Liebster Award, which I didn’t really know anything about at the time but which I could already say with confidence that I DAMN WELL FUCKING DESERVED.

So I did a little looking around to see what the deal was with this award, and what I would need to do to beat out the other nominees to win it, like if there was honorable combat involved because holy crap you know I would be all over that shit, but, come to find out, it doesn’t work that way.  There’s no final WINNER, just a chain of nominees naming other nominees to draw people’s attention to other blogs.  Which is kind of cool, as far as spreading the word about good reads, even if it IS a little hippie for my tastes what with the “we’re all winners!” vibe, which, come on.

Anyway.  Here’s the quasi-official description of the award, which everybody seems to be quoting, because it’s the hip thing to do these days:

Well, it is only an AWESOME award given to up and coming bloggers. Given by other up and coming bloggers. It’s a cool way to find other blogs and feel like you are getting into the blogging stratosphere. It is simple, you get nominated by someone else, mention their page and a link to their blog in your Liebster Award Post, answer the 11 questions they give you, then tag 11 other nominees and give them a new set of 11 questions to answer.

So, as you can see, receiving the nomination means I have some work to do now.  FUCKING AWESOME IDEA FOR AN AWARD, FOLKS, HONOR PEOPLE BY STICKING THEM WITH FUCKING HOMEWORK.  Anyway.  Here are the 11 questions from Myriade:

1.  Favourite race/class in WoW and why?

Quick note on the lingo here: Those of you who aren’t as internet-savvy as yours truly might be a little thrown off by that “WoW” acronym.  Apparently it’s a new thing in online circles to use that as an abbreviation for “Whole of World,” as in, fucking everywhere.  Which, granted, is kind of like how some people will literally say “LOL” now rather than just laughing, which I’ve never really gotten on board with myself, because fuck those assholes.  Anyway.

As for the actual question, I mean, come on, you even need to ask this?  Orc, because what the fuck else would I want to be, and warrior.

2.  Achievement/Title you’re proudest of?

Obviously, the easy answer here is the title of Warchief.  Hard to top that one.  Still, I could probably make a case for Chieftain of the Warsong Clan, since that one came from me pulling my emo head out of my ass to assume my place as leader of our clan and Grom’s successor.

But, nah, I’m still going to go with Warchief.

Although, since I’m probably going to be heading down to Blackrock Mountain soon, I may have to see about picking up [Leeeeeeeeeeeeeroy!] while I’m in the neighborhood.

3.  What’s in your bags (any character, or all of them)?

Huh.  I’m not sure if this is asking about real life, or my Earth Online characters.  I mean, for myself in reality, I don’t really walk around with a whole lot of stuff on me.  (Such as, you know, a shirt.)  I try not to weigh myself down more than I have to, seeing as I need to be ready to leap into action at a moment’s notice, and really, keeping Mannoroth’s tusks balanced on my shoulders can be a tough enough job on its own, without lugging extra crap around with me.

As for my EO toons, hoo boy, they have flat-out TOO MUCH stuff in their bags.  Just tons of random crap, receipts from vendors, little odds and ends that they’ve picked up but aren’t really useful for anything but I still haven’t ever gotten around to tossing.  And by the way, I just have to ask, who the fuck is the psychopath over at Genesis Entertainment who designed the bag system in Earth Online?  Dude, you can’t carry fucking ANYTHING with you!  You pick up like six or seven things, and your bags are full.  Have these game designers never left their houses or something, so they don’t even know about stacks of 20?!

4.  Favourite expansion/instance/boss fight?

Huh.  Another Earth Online question.  Okay.  Well, there’s still plenty of content I’ve never gotten around to, to be honest, but I’m pretty fond of the BlizzCon raid.  It’s always kind of a hoot seeing which random contestant spawns you get in the cosplay gauntlet leading up to the Joker Jay <Host with the Mohr– er, Most> boss.  But I think my favorite encounter is the Lore Panel council fight — you know, the one with the lead quest design guy, and the historian adds, and most of all the council leader guy, Chris what’s-his-face, the dude with the beard who kinda sounds like Varian.  I LOVE getting to run up and smack that guy in the face.  Especially if it’s one of those pulls where he randomly mind controls me for a minute and makes to do some shit that doesn’t make a damn bit of sense.

5.  Pet peeve in WoW?

Wait, you want me to narrow this down to one?  I don’t know about that.  But here’s a few, off the top of my head:

Humans.

Gnomes. OMFG gnomes.

Whoever it is who keeps using the last of the toilet paper in the Grommash Hold outhouse and not putting out a new roll.  (Your Warchief does NOT like having to do the Waddle of Shame over to the storage shed.)

Dontrag.

Utvoch.

“There”/”their”/”they’re”.  Because FUCK YOU, internet:

grammar

Varian, especially the way he keeps breathing.

Being corrected on which one is Dontrag and which one is Utvoch, as if anybody really gives a shit.

6.  What inspired your blog?

I think I mentioned this way back in my first post.  It all got started when Eitrigg recommended I take up blogging.  He said I might find it a helpful outlet, to talk about what’s on my mind, keep a running record of my experiences, all that sort of thing.  I think he figured it would give me a chance to reflect more, and think about situations before acting.  Or some lazy old man shit like that.  Anyway, that’s how it got started, and it’s just been a gravy train of awesome since then.  AREN’T YOU LUCKY.

7.  Favourite blog-related moment?

Umm… Well, considering I detail almost everything that happens to me here, pretty much any moment from the last couple of years would be a blog-related moment, right?  Gotta say, that one mailbag where Windblossom wrote in about clocking Varian still gives me all kinds of happy.  Memory lane:

fyv

I’m sure there others.  I might point out others as I think of them.

8.  One thing you can’t live without?

Okay, okay, go ahead and make your joke about lemon squares.

Real answer?  Sappy as it sounds, Gorehowl.  Not even for what an awesome weapon it is, either.  Having it with me is like a constant, living (but not) reminder of where I’ve come from, of the legacy of my father and the resilience of the Horde, of everything our people have endured and overcome.  Having it with me is like a validation of our kind.  Like a little part of Grom is still here, watching what he enabled us to become.

9.  Place you’d most like to visit?

Hmm.  You know, I’ve gotten around a whole lot the last few years, between the Northrend campaign, and all my inspection visits around Azeroth, and now all our work in Pandaria…  I’m not sure if there’s really anywhere I haven’t gotten to see at this point, other than, like, other planets and shit.  Or, say, getting to see places I know, like back home on Draenor, back before things got all fucked up.  But that would be changing WHERE I’d most like to visit to WHEN I’d most like to visit, which is cheating, for one thing, and also, FUCKING TIME TRAVEL.

10.  Favourite fictional character?

At the risk of being repetitive, this guy:

metzen

I mean, can you imagine if someone like that actually existed?

11.  Soundtrack to your life?

Well, most days, when things are going fairly well, it’s pretty much this:

 

 

But there’s also this:

 

 

And this:

 

 

(Also, in that one, note the Mortimer cameo at 3:24!)

And, let’s face it, given the clowns I usually have surrounding me, some days I feel like it might as well be this:

 

 

And last but not least, if I’m honest, when I’m in one of my more puckish moods, this:

 

 

Also, the kazzoo?  That’s totally me.

 

So, next up.  This is the part where I’m supposed to link 11 more blogs, and give those bloggers 11 questions of their own to answer.  One problem, though — I was going back through some blogs to tag, and while there are a few that still haven’t gotten a nomination already, for every one I found that no one had gotten to, there were like 10 would-be nominees that were already off the table.  So, you know, if you do the math there, that means that in order to pull together my 11, I would have to rifle through something like 110 blogs, and, I mean…I’m just way too lazy for that shit.  I mean really.

SO.  Here’s where I cheat a little and change things up, so I can still do some tagging and point some attention to some worthy bloggers, while also indulging my laziness.  STAND BACK, BITCHES, because your Warchief is about to flip the script like Lor’themar flips benches.

SO, here’s the deal.  I’m still going to toss out 11 questions to be answered, but instead of scraping together a blog list to tag, I am tagging…YOU.  That’s right, you — if you’re reading this post, consider yourself tagged, so you scroll your ass right down to the comments and post a reply with your 11 answers.  NO DUCKING OUT ON THIS COMMAND FROM YOUR WARCHIEF, PEOPLE.  Especially if you’re one of my regular readers and commenters — I know you’re out there, and I know who you are, and most importantly I KNOW WHERE MANY OF YOU LIVE.

And now, the questions.  READ ’EM AND WEEP.

  1. Do you write a blog?  Link it here if so!
  2. What was the first Azerothian blog you ever read?  Was there an early memorable post that hooked you?
  3. Recommended reading, part one!  Link and endorse three bloggers that you’d encourage your fellow readers and minions should check out.
  4. Recommended reading, part two — link one single post, from wherever, that makes you think “OMG, people HAVE to read this.”
  5. How long have you been reading the Command Board?  What post or storyline was your jumping-on point?
  6. One more chance for shameless self-promotion: Are you on Twitter?  Give yourself a non-Friday #FF here if so.  Also feel free to recommend a few accounts worth following.
  7. What class do you play on Earth Online?  (Don’t try to deny that you play.  I know my readers.)
  8. What real-life ability to do you wish your Earth Online character could use?
  9. Here, I’ll throw a bone to Utvoch.  The age-old hoof question: Fem-taur or draenei girls?
  10. Whose head would you rather have on a pike, Varian’s or Magatha’s?
  11. If the world were going to end (or change substantially) in, say, oh, six months or so, what would be your bucket list of things you’d want to get done first?

There, you have your assignment.  Get to it!  YOUR WARCHIEF HAS SPOKEN.

Monday mailbag

Posted in Mailbag with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 3, 2014 by Garrosh Hellscream

mailbag

So, I know I have plenty to update you all on after last time, but before I start getting into any of that, it’s time to dip into the mail…

 

A few questions for the Warchief:

I’ve noticed that Saurfang has not shown up in the EO chat logs for quite a while.  Has he been dropped from the guild or simply quit playing?

Garona seems fairly, well… Bipolar.  Has anyone thought to see if Faranell has some sort of magical or alchemical cure?

Why do folks get bent out of shape when I grab a burger?  Tauren aren’t cows, so it’s not canabalism.

What is your favorite spirit or brew?  I’m willing to buy you and Malkorok a drink, although I suggest not drinking his.

Karlsohn, Thunder Bluff

Hey, Karlsohn, thanks for writing.  I guess I’ll tackle these in order:

Yeah, you know, I was thinking of this when I logged on the other day.  For those of you who might not remember, I got Saurfang to give EO a try with a refer-a-friend invite over a year ago, and got him into the guild.  He seemed to take to the game well enough, and was flying through levels for a while there, but then he just stopped turning up.  Like I said, this occurred to me the other day, so I looked up his last login – he hasn’t been online since around the time of the Theramore victory.  I guess EO didn’t grow on him THAT much, or maybe he got to the point where he was going to have to start paying the monthly subscription, and, well, you know how old guys are about parting with their hard-earned coppers.  And it’s not like I’ve been in contact with him much since things started heating up in Pandaria, so, y’know, your guess is as good as mine there.

Holy fucking hell, Karlsohn, that idea is frigging BRILLIANT.  Why the fuck did nobody think of this before?  Assuming Faranell’s got anything in that lab of his that’s not…y’know…fucking acid or something, he’s got to have SOMETHING that can even Garona out.  And if he doesn’t, I’ll take the acid.  You know the old saying: sprits grant me the strength to fix the things I can, the acid to liquefy the things I can’t, and the…um…some third thing I don’t really care about.  Anyway.

Don’t worry about the tauren, they’re just sensitive like that.  I’ve tried making the exact same point with them, but apparently cows are close enough to give them the heebie-jeebies.  Personally, I think they need to learn to relax a little, because let’s face it – so far in recent memory we’ve established relations with cow people, lizard people, bear people, goat people, buffalo people, walrus people, spider people, fish people, cat people, bear people again, monkey people, and bug people.  At the rate we’re going, if we make a point of not eating anything that resembles a race we know, the menu is going to get real short real fast.

I’m pretty fond of Blackrock Lager.  Also, the ogre brew I tried last time I was in Outland packed a pretty good punch.  (Don’t try mixing it with felweed, though.)  Also, don’t worry about me drinking Malkorok’s drink.  True fact: the guy is really big on those fruity weirdo drinks, like the ones that always come with those little umbrellas in them.  I mean, I like some cherry grog now and again, but that’s as far as I go.

 

I’m going to be a warrior, much to Matron Battlewail’s dis disapt well, she isn’t happy.  Do you have any advice for a newblood like me?  I want to bring glory to the Horde, but not if I trip while charging at the training dummies!  What if that happens in battle?!  I don’t want to make you and the Horde unhappy!

Aka’Magosh,

Mirembe, Orgrimmar

Lok’tar, Mirembe, thanks for writing.  Try not to worry about Battlewail too much.  She always seems to have some kind of complaint about something.  “What about the children?” my ass.

Anyway, if you’re having trouble with your warrioring, have I ever got some good news for you.  There’s sort of a boot camp off the coast of the Barrens where you can go to work on your skills, above and beyond what you get from your regular trainer.  Matter of fact, it used to be the only place where warriors could learn Berserker Stance, before it sold out and went all mainstream.  So, next time you manage to give Battlewail the slip, head on down to Fray Island.  It’ll be tough going at first, I’m not going to lie, but give it time.  Orgrimmar wasn’t built in a day (especially that front gate, post-Cataclysm, because goblin contractors), and remember, there’s no shame in not being as awesome as me right off the bat.  Well, okay, there’s a little shame, but not much.  Point is, stick with the program, hang in there through the rough patches, and they’ll make a man out of you.  Unless you’re a girl.  In which case they’ll… erm… um… that is… they’ll…do something.  Something good.  Or whatever.  SEE, POLITICAL CORRECTNESS RUINED A PERFECTLY GOOD PEP TALK THERE.

 

Ey, warchief, didja know dat wyvern got three ballsacks?  Dat’s all.

Marie’juanna

<sigh>

I’ve said it before.  I’ll say it again.

Felweed is a hell of a drug.

Yeah, these are my readers.  Sadly.

 

Please explain Twitter.  I try to explain it to some other orcs, but they think its only to tell people that you’re going to the bathroom or to post pictures of food.  It got even worse when Dontrag and Utvoch got involved to explain Twitter.

Sir, seriously, why are some orcs so damn dumb?  It’s embarrassing.

Ruekie (@RuekieShaman), Shaman-in-training

FOR FUCK’S SAKE, REUKIE – um, I mean, for crying out loud, Reukie (YOU HUSH NOW, BATTLEWAIL), DO NOT TELL DONTRAG AND UTVOCH ABOUT TWITTER.  Are you freaking kidding me?  There isn’t enough failure and jackassery on the internet already?  No.  Just NO.  A world of no.  All the no that’s ever been ’no’wn.

But anyway, fine, I’ll try to help you explain the whole Twitter thing.  I’m really kind of amazed that there are people so stupid that they don’t already know what it is.  So, Twitter is this… thing…on the internet.  Where you go and type stuff.  Like publicly.  On a web site.  Unless you’re doing it on an app.  (Which I am in NO WAY WHATSOEVER going to try to explain to the Wonder Twins.)  And so you can type things into Twitter, and other people on the internet can read it and respond and shit.  It’s kind of like having a little tiny blog, read by other people with little tiny blogs, only you all have fucking nuclear ADD so you can’t stay focused on any post longer than 140 characters.  Or I guess you could maybe think of it like texting, if your texts weren’t being sent to anyone in particular.  So you go to send a text, and when the little texting robot asks you who to send it to, you just throw up your hands and you’re all “Fuck it, whoever, I don’t care.  Everyone.  Send it to everyone, ever.”  That’s Twitter.

Let me stress again: D&U, YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO START FUCKING AROUND WITH TWITTER.  Although, it actually MIGHT be funny to get Tirion started on it, and then see how many times he runs up against the 140-character limit before his fucking head explodes.

 

Dear exalted Warchief,

As we have seen, when Ji Firepaw was first introduced to you, he (as a mark of respect for and recognition of your status) called you Emperor.  You appeared to take violent offense to that, and my question is, why?  You fit the definition.  You are the undisputed ruler of both your own national people, and a wide-ranging (multi-continental) group of non-orc nations, who none-the-less submit to you.  (Even we of the Ebon Blade, though not a nation as such, acknowledge your position.  Well, most of us.  Some of us.  Whatever.)

–Sintra E’Drien

See, I think you’re misreading me there, Sintra.  People seem to do that a lot.  I swear, if people keep pointing out my “violent offense” at things, I’m going to start thinking that maybe possibly YOU GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKERS THINK I’VE GOT A FUCKING TEMPER OR SOME SHIT.

That said, I was pretty much correcting Ji simply because “Warchief” is my title, not “Emperor.”  Officially.  Yet.  You’re right, though — I DO fit the definition.  Seeing as how “Warchief” has been the title for a good long while, though, I figure I should keep rolling with it until I do something that, say, leads to a dramatic increase in Horde territory, power, and influence.  Like, I don’t know, wiping out a rival power or three and annexing their lands.  Now, see, THEN you could make a pretty good case that the Horde had achieved honest-to-fuck imperial status.  And at THAT point, well, I can’t see there being much opposition at all to a triumphant leader declaring himself Emperor.  Which DOES have a ring to it, I have to admit.  Maybe I’ll even have some new processional music written up for myself and everything.

 

If you had the opportunity to meet your younger self, let’s say at 5 years old, what would you say to the young Garrosh?

What do you imagine that youngster would think of you?

Kee, Jade Forest, Pandaria

Okay, first of all, considering all the timey-whimey shit I’ve already had to deal with, don’t even JOKE about shit like that.  Haven’t we dodged enough bullets with time being fucked with?  Do we have to sit down and come up with MORE clusterfuckery we could stir up for ourselves?  Seriously, at this point, I don’t even want to be REMINDED of the Bronze Dragonflight.  If I ever see any of those fuckers again, it’ll be too soon.  Or too late.  That is…um… FUCKING TIME TRAVEL.

But okay, if you want to play some weird hypothetical game with this, here.  If I could talk to 5-year-old me – at which point I would have JUST been recovering from the red pox, and my mom would have still been alive – I would mostly tell him to spare himself the whiny emo phase, because Grom was actually pretty awesome.  Don’t take everything at face value – yeah, on the surface it looks like the old man was a real piece of work, but it turns out that he was a hero in the end, and nobody even knew.  And I have to figure young-me would listen, because he’d be sharp enough to take one look at how awesome he grows up to be and figure, damn, I must know what I’m talking about.

Oh, yeah, and while I was at it, I would tell myself to lay off the draenei chicks, because man oh man, is THAT one ever going to come back to bite you in the ass.

Speaking of which…

 

Heeey, how ya doing Hellscream!

My name is Kitti Scrollwiki, Goblin Scribe for the Azeroth Inquirer, Horde Edition. There are raging hot rumors about you and my readers everywhere just want to know more!

Who is Shayari’s mother?  It is rumored she is Draenei.  Is this true?

How long ago did this happen?

Is the mother very pretty?  What attracted you to her?

How did you meet?

How long was your romance with her?

What food would best describe her?

Did Greatmother know?  How did she respond?

Where can we find her now?

Is there any chance of reconciliation with her?

Are you paying child support?

How are your current girlfriend(s) reacting to all this?  For that matter….who are your current girlfriend(s)?  Inquiring minds want to know!

Oh, oh, oh, oh….

IS IT TRUE YOU ARE SHAYARI’S FATHER?  (I almost forgot that, silly me.)  This has been the hot topic of Orgrimmar while you were gone.

(By the way, if you have any juicy details you want to share, you know, just between you and me…I won’t tell anyone.  On my honor as a Goblin.)

Don’t delay in responding!  The Love Is In The Air followup edition is preparing to go out and this will make the pages sizzle!  Hellscream’s Torrid Love Affair! Cha-ching!

Keep it real!

Kitti Scrollwiki, Scribe, Azeroth Inquirer, Horde Edition

Yeah, so, I had to figure I was going to have to deal with some shit like this.  As much as we’re trying to keep a lid on the whole Shayari deal, you had to know some rumors would start slipping out.  So…same as with the letter further above, let me take these in order:

Shayari’s mother’s name was Marsiya.  Yes, she was a draenei.  I mean, really, have you seen Shayari?  You weren’t able to piece that much together?  Incisive journalistic mind you’ve got, I see.

Shayari’s seventeen years old.  Why don’t you get out a pencil and paper and see if you can math out your own answer to this one.

What, you think I’d go slumming?  Even back then, I didn’t have to settle.  THE LADIES LOVE GARROSH.

Our eyes met from across the crowd.  The moon was full and bright, its luminous glow dancing upon the surface of the water, and the air was sweet with honeysuckle.  Across the lakeside pavilion, orc and draenei spun and danced in dizzying spectacle as the midsummer gala launched into its annual reverie.  Distant voices, mirthful and musical, whispered unnoticed through the warm breeze, the whole of our attentions rapt upon each other’s gaze, in one of those singular moments both uncanny and sublime in which the universe seems, fleetingly, to reveal itself to the soul.  IS THAT THE KIND OF SHIT YOU’RE LOOKING FOR?  Fucking hell.  We both lived in broke-ass starving villages shoved off into the ass end of a planet that some fuckhead went and blew up.  What the fuck do you THINK we were doing?  We were both out hunting to see if we could find enough food so that, hey, maybe THIS week half a dozen people we know WON’T croak, and we ended up fighting over who had dibs on that extra-meaty-looking talbuk, and somewhere in middle of kicking each other’s asses we took a good look and realized, hey, this one’s not half bad.

Depending on how you count, two months or eight minutes.  Admittedly, not my best work.

Fish, because I hear tell fish is brain food, and she obviously was smart enough to know not to ask a FUCKING STUPID-ASS QUESTION LIKE THIS ONE.

NO SHE DID NOT.  And does not.  And still has a fucking killer right hook, so ixnay on abbingblay, for fuck’s sake, okay?

Go to Nagrand, pick a patch of ground that looks good to you, dig about six feet down, and cross your fingers.

See above.  Unless you brought a Ouija board, not likely.

Oh, I’m paying, all right.  I’m paying.

No comment.  Also no comment.  And ESPECIALLY no comments from YOU, Garona.

And finally:  No comment.  Classified.  Matters of internal security.

Okay.  Deftly handled, if I do say so myself.  Hopefully that puts an end to the Shayari inquiries.

 

Garrosh Hellscream, Warchief of the Horde,

I write to you after witnessing the disgusting perversion you show towards my people, specifically a child who may or may not be sired by you.  I can see clearly that your kind are filthy mongrels even outside of battle, and will never be among the holy Naaru you pig fucking animals.  Goodbye and may the Naaru char your city to dust.

Vindicator Toriix, Exodar

Or not.

So.

As the child in question might say, you mad, bro?

I mean, really, I don’t know what you’ve got going on over at the Exodar – other than, y’know, hanging out with the talking chandelier and disco dancing like a motherfucker – but woo boy, you need to relax like nobody’s business.  Seriously, dude, you need to get laid or something.  Believe me, it’ll help you unwind.

Speaking of which, I’m not going to dignify perversion-this and mongrels-that with a response, but I do have to correct you on point of fact: not pig-fucking.  Goat.  Goat.

P.S.  Your mom says hi.

TOODLES.

 

That does it for this week, but as always, keep those letters coming.  E-mail me at garrosh1337@gmail.com or use the handy-dandy form below.

More soon.

 

Birth announcement

Posted in General, Transcripts with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 26, 2014 by Garrosh Hellscream

earthonline11

Faranell’s gotten things lined up for Shayari’s move to the Undercity.  She won’t be leaving for a couple days still, but everything should be in order.  That also leaves me some time to get down there to see how she’s doing before she heads out of town.  I haven’t gotten much of a chance to go see her yet – yeah, yeah, I know, even after Liadrin made such a stink over it – what with everything else I need to take care of around here.  I’m not going to be in Orgrimmar much longer than Shayari, only in my case, when I leave I need to know everything is set to run smoothly while I’m in Pandaria, and in order to make sure that happens…well, come on.  You’ve seen the pinhead minions I’m surrounded with, mostly.  Hell, even Malkorok has been in lousy spirits (yes, even by Malkorok standards) ever since he got back from helping the doc with Shay’s arrangements the other day.

Anyhow, point being, there’s been a shitload of stuff going on.  We’ve got some major construction projects in the works, which means we’re going to need tons of resources.  Lumber, fuel, the whole nine yards.  We even need to up the food supplies just to feed all the extra workers we’re bringing in.  In order to keep up with the demands, I’m reassigning some Kor’kron to the Barrens to work on gathering resources.  On the plus side, all the manpower we need pretty much means there’s no such thing as unemployment in Orgrimmar anymore.  (That should look pretty damn nice on my record when I run for reelection.  OH WAIT, THAT’S NOT HOW IT WORKS, I’M APPOINTED FOR LIFE.  Suck THAT, would-be rivals from within my own party.)

Needless to say, all this has kept me pretty busy with meetings and planning sessions and OH DID I MENTION THE FUCKING PAPERWORK?  And this time around I can’t even shuffle it off on Eitrigg, since he’s being all pissy about being quasi-sorta-kinda-demoted.  Things have been so packed, schedule-wise, that I’ve barely had a chance to catch any down time…but, seeing as this is the first time in months that I’ve actually had a stable internet connection…

 

You have logged on.

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji]  but if you get a buff from eating, why don’t you a bigger buff if you eat more?

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Well well, look who we have here!

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  because they want you to go do things in the game, not sit around eating all day

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  A good day to you, daddy dearest.

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji]  well that’s just crazy talk

[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza]  Hello Omgipwnedurface

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  …

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  HI PWN

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji]  hi omgipwnedurface

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  hey boss

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  So I’m guessing you’ve talked to Faranell

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  wait, what?

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  GOOD TO SEE YOU ON

[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered:  hello, garrosh, i was wondering if i could have a word with you

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  I swear I didn’t say anything to her, boss

You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]:  Oh this should be good

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Yeah hi

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  He emailed me earlier, yes sir.

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Oh yeah, I know YOU’RE all about keeping secrets, Half-Pint

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Faranell, that is.  Not Spazzle.

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  NOT ME

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  yeah

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  By way of making arrangements for the arrival of…what was her name again?

[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered:  hey, did you get my email?

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  I HOPE YOUR CONNECTION IS BETTER

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Shayari

You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]:  Yeah, I did

[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered:  well i’ve been thinking about the mokvar situation – it seems like his problems all go back to blackrock mountain, so i was thinking maybe if did some looking around there we might be able to come up with some new leads

You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]:  I think I get why you did what you did, not that it still doesn’t irritate the fuck out of me

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  no really, whats with the daddy dearest thing?

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Ah yes, Shayari.  Lovely name.  Does it mean anything?

[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered:  well, I think that was everything mokvar told me about his past as a mercenary and the attacks on him

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Yeah, I’m back home on my normal connection

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Oh, you haven’t heard, Gayle?

You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]:  It better be.  I’ve had more than enough of everybody running around with secrets

[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered:  i was talking to eitrigg a few days ago and he mentioned his son lives near there, and knows blackrock mountain well, so he might be able to help investigate

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  OH COOL

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Oh fucking hell

[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered:  me too

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Well apparently it means “I think I’ll go blab” in banshee-talk

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Our esteemed guild leader is a father.

You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]:  Okay, so tl;dr, you’re still picking at the damn Mokvar thing, and what a shock, now Eitrigg is encouraging you in continuing to be a pain in the ass

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  …

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Here we go

You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]:  Now listen to me because I’m only going to say this once

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  oh boy…

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  …

[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza]  Congratulations Omgipwnedurface

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  ok

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  YAH GRATS

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  ok

[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza]  Thats wonderful news

You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]:  I don’t give a shit what Mokvar had gotten himself into.  By the time he got shown the door, he’d burned about fifteen bridges, and I’m past the point of caring why.  He’s dead.  And if he’s not dead, he might as well be, because he’s dead to ME

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  ok

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  WHAT???

You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]:  So whatever hairbrained scheme you’ve got in mind, drop it.  Let it GO.  THE END

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  You really had to, huh?

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  ^_^

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  he’s

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  WHAT

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  A bouncing baby girl, if I’m told correctly.

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona] … … … …

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  I mean…seriously?

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Well, to be fair, Warchief…

[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered:  if you say so, sir

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  THATS AWESOME PWN

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  ok so obviously I must have been staring at an old god or something

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Dontrag and Utvoch haven’t logged on in weeks.  Jaina hasn’t been on as much lately.

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  because I MUST have gone insane and thought I just read that

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  I need to amuse myself -somehow-.

[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza]  Mrs Pwnurface must be so excited

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Oh, I know, Gayle; at first I thought the news was too good to be true as well!

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  oh yes

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  yes PWN, let’s HEAR about mrs pwnurface

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  For fuck’s sake

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  HOW ABOUT HER PWN

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  You know what

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Again, out of fairness, Warchief, I’m not even lying.

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  She’s DEAD, actually, if you must know

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  When Faranell told me, my first thought honestly was, “Oh, this is too good.”

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  OH YIKES

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Okay, so listen, after this, could you PLEASE zip it about the kid?

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  you’re spiritsdamned right she’s dead

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  I was planning to try to keep this hush-hush for now

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Oh course, dear Warchief.

[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza]  I’m so sorry Omgipnedurface

[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza]  Was it in childbirth

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Henceforth I will keep your secret locked away in the securest of figurative underground vaults as if it were a recalcitrant death knight.

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  No, it was later

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  She got sick from a plague, basically

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  A plague?  Oh dear, it wasn’t one of ours, was it?

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  OH

[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza]  Oh dear

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  That is, rather…it -wasn’t- one of ours, certainly.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Since obviously we have long since stopped making plague.

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  WAIT HOW LONG AGO COULD THIS BE IF YOU’RE A NEW DAD

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  What plague, actually?  Did someone mention plague?

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  That sounds ghastly to me.

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  YES

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Okay look

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  EXACTLY HOW LONG AGO

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Ick, plague, I say.  Blech!

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  How are -you- today, Spazzle?

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  I’m going to go over this once and then have done with it, okay?

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  And YOU STFU ALREADY GAYLE

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  hey, don’t try to drag me into this

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  I’m in enough trouble already

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  oh oh I’m all ears

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  you’re on your own!

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Oh, drat.

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  NOT UNLESS “EAR” IS THE NEW WORD FOR “MOUTH” AND I MISSED THE FUCKING MEMO OR SOMETHING

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  FINE

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Okay

[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered:  I mean SERIOUSLY, WTF??

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  So yeah, I’ve got a daughter

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  She’s not a newborn, she’s in her teens now, I just… let’s just say I just gained custody and leave it at that

You whispered to [Nightengayle | Garona]:  Oh will you knock it the fuck OFF

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Custody, and awareness.

[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered:  and the surprise daughter is a TEENAGER already too?!

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Have you not said enough already today?

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Oh, never.  ^_^  But do continue.

[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza]  Oh congratulations

[Officer][LivinDeadGirl | Sylvanas]  Re-sealing the vault!  ^_^

You whispered to [Nightengayle | Garona]:  Yeah, she is, and hey, check it out, she even got to be a teenager in real time, unlike some other people I could mention

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  So yeah, she’s just in town for a little while now

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  That’s the long and the short of it, and if you don’t mind I’d rather not have to answer like a zillion questions about her

[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered:  …

[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered:  how is this the first I’m hearing about this??

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  YAH I CAN SEE HOW YOU’D WANT TO KEEP YOUR PRIVACY

You whispered to [Nightengayle | Garona]:  Hey, listen, I didn’t even know about her until last week

[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza]  If you don’t mind me asking one question though Omgiownedurface

[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered:  oh aren’t you a prince

You whispered to [Nightengayle | Garona]:  when Liadrin came breezing into town with a little bundle of WTF in tow

[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza]  Why is she only in town a little while

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Yeah, fine

[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered:  wait a minute

[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered:  liadrin???

[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza]  And I promise I won’t pry any further

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  That much is simple, she’s going away to school, pretty much

[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered:  THAT stick figure?  are you KIDDING me??

[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza]  Oh

You whispered to [Nightengayle | Garona]:  NOT LIKE THAT FOR FUCK’S SAKE

[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza]  Well I’m sure youll miss her

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Yeah, I’m sure

[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza]  But its important sometimes to give your children that push off the ledge and hope they fly

You whispered to [Nightengayle | Garona]:  Liadrin found her in Silvermoon after she got kicked out of Dalaran for being half orcish

[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza]  You cant protect them from everything however much you might want to

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  UM RED

[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered:  wait, HALF orcish? what’s the other half then? because I swear if you slept with a human I think I’ll scream

[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza]  Sometimes theyre going to get hurt

[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza]  Or captured

[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza]  Or mutated into monstrosities

You whispered to [Nightengayle | Garona]:  YOU FUCKING FUCKED MEDIVH, who the fuck are you to criticize?!

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  RED

[EdwardBear | Ji] has logged off.

[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza]  And then you have to authorize their extermination for the greater good

[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered:  I was young and into older men!

[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza]  But thats parenting for you

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  RED CHECK YOUR WHISPERS

[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered:  um, boss?

You whispered to [Nightengayle | Garona]:  Well I was young and into draenei girls!

[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza]  What were we talking about again

[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza]  Oh okay

[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered:  …

[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered:  !!!

You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]:  What?

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Incidentally, Honalee, is everything all right with Leslie?

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  I don’t mean to pry, but I’m not accustomed to seeing you online without her.

[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered:  ok I need to log off for a few

[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered:  I need to go stab something

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  YA SHE’S JUST BUSY WITH WORK THIS WEEK

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Oh?  Anything in particular?

[Nightengayle | Garona] whispered:  WE WILL CONTINUE THIS LATER

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  NOT REALLY, JUST THE SAME STUFF SHE’S BEEN DOING THE LAST FEW WEEKS NOW

[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered:  so… I’m afraid our furry companion has gone and done something rash

[Nightengayle | Garona] has logged off.

That player is not online.

You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]:  Oh no, what did Fat Boy Slim do now?

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  I like to think I’ve been able to provide her with something of a supportive ear from time to time.  I’m more than happy to do the same for you, if you’d ever care to have a sounding board.

[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] whispered:  well… I think he may be about to skip town to head to blackrock mountain

You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]:  Fucking hell

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Sometimes it can be helpful to air your thoughts with someone impartial.

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  I need to log.  Some things just came up here that I have to check on

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  You know, concerns for your significant other, anxieties, random specific details about her exact undertakings these days, including but not limited to key initiatives, dates, and locations.

You whispered to [MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]:  I’m coming over, you can fill in the rest then

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  I know, I know, it’s cliche.  But still.

You have logged off.

 

30 Days of Character Development #3: D&U

Posted in 30 Days of Character Development with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 12, 2014 by Garrosh Hellscream

[Each week, a post will profile one of the blog’s many supporting players.  (See the first profile for more details.)  Since I didn’t get around to posting a profile last week, this time around I’m making up for it with a double of sorts.  Feel free to chime in with recommendations for other characters you’d like to see more about!]

 

d-and-u_profileNamesDontrag and Utvoch

Occupation:  Horde infantry soldiers (ranks: Dontrag—Sergeant; Utvoch—Scout)

AgeDontrag—31; Utvoch—29

Class:  Warrior

Group affiliations:  Horde (members), Overlord Krom’gar’s army (former members)

Known relativesDontrag—Adrasa (sister), Ug’thok (nephew); Utvoch—Krila (aunt)

Earth Online notes:  D&U play EO with mains GilbertRose (Dontrag) and SteveKravitz (Utvoch), and are members of Garrosh’s guild <Warchief>.  Utvoch briefly changed his character’s name to “Dranosh,” but was roundly criticized for the name choice, because really.  He reversed the name change shortly thereafter.  Also, guildmate Sylvanas Windrunner appears to take particular amusement in baiting the duo into arguments about which of them is which.

First appearance:  “Visiting Zoram’gar” (first mention), “Underneath the bunker” (first full transcript appearance)

Key posts and plot points:

  • An unsuspecting Garrosh first encountered Dontrag and Utvoch at Silverwind Refuge in “Visiting Zoram’gar” and dispatched them to join Overlord Krom’gar’s forces in Stonetalon.  He would later encounter them during his investigation of Krom’gar’s operations in “Underneath the bunker” – featuring D&U in supporting roles in Mokvar’s first transcript.
    (D&U can be found in-game both at Silverwind Refuge and in the Deep Reaches beneath Krom’gar’s fortress.  In the latter instance, they’re joined by goblin questgiver Blastgineer Igore; blog readers may take a certain amusement in Igore’s quest-text commentary on our cerebrally challenged friends.)
  • After Krom’gar’s “dismissal,” D&U remained stationed in Stonetalon, under the command of newly appointed Overlord Cliffwalker.  They were frequently recalled to Orgrimmar and other locations for various missions, but remained officially assigned to Cliffwalker in Stonetalon prior to their dispatch to Pandaria.
  • Evidently, according to a letter from D&U in one mailbag, Utvoch has (or had) enrolled in some extension courses, including diplomatic writing.  Academic records from the undertaking have not been released.  At one point, Utvoch convinced Dontrag to take a class with him, but the pair failed the course when they were caught handing in the same paper.  To the same instructor.  Yes, really.
  • Utvoch – sans Dontrag – traveled to old Hillsbrad, ten years in the past, with Garrosh, Mokvar, Liadrin, and Faranell during the Anti-Plague of Southshore storyline.  Like the other members of the group, Utvoch later found himself trapped between two fluctuating timelines; Garrosh and Mokvar noted, with no small degree of amusement, that this situation likely led to many confusing discussions between Utvoch and Dontrag.
  • Utvoch met and befriended Taktani in Mulgore just before she started writing in to Garrosh’s mailbag; Dontrag would meet her as well not long after.  Since Taktani’s arrival in Pandaria, Garrosh has charged D&U with keeping an eye on Tak and generally helping her navigate the complexities of the adult world, a job that Utvoch appears to have taken to somewhat more enthusiastically than Dontrag has.
  • Many people, Garrosh prime among them, frequently lose track of who is Dontrag and who is Utvoch – which is actually rather peculiar, given that they don’t really look very much alike.  Sylvanas, in guild chat, seems to understand which of them is which, but deliberately baits them into arguments on the subject anyway.
  • Regular readers will be well aware of Garrosh’s habit of giving people (often dismissive) nicknames.  Dontrag and Utvoch are among his most frequent targets; some of his favorites for them include the Dumbass Duo, Ketchup and Mustard, and the Wonder Twins.

In their own words:

dontragutvoch

Describe your relationship with your mother or your father or both.  Was it good?  Bad?  Were you spoiled rotten, ignored?  Do you still get along now, or no?

I didn’t know my father.  I think he was killed in the attack on Shattrath.  I got along pretty well with my mother, though.  She always used to tell me how I could be anything I wanted to be and accomplish anything I set my mind to.  Then I started working with the trainers and she had her first parent conference.  After that she mostly saved the thing about being whatever you want for my sister.  –Dontrag

I don’t really remember my parents.  They both died in the first war after the Dark Portal opened.  My aunt ended up raising me until I was old enough to fend for myself.  –Utvoch

How vain are you?  Do you find yourself attractive?

I guess I was a little vain for a while, during that year in the Barrens when I was trying to get away with the comb-over.  I started losing my hair early and it took a while for me to accept that I wasn’t fooling anyone.  –Dontrag

I don’t think I’m bad looking or anything, but I don’t really think I’m anything special.  Luckily I spend most of my time hanging out with this guy, so I figure I must end up looking like at least a 7.  –Utvoch

What are your most prominent physical features?

My thick, full head of hair.  –Utvoch

Screw you, Ut.  –Dontrag

Name one scar you have, and tell us where it came from.  If you don’t have any, is there a reason?

Well, I’ve got this one scar on my forehead, on the right side.  I was trying to explain which of us was which that time in Karazhan, and, um…well, the Warchief kind of got impatient and backhanded me. –Dontrag

C7_4-2

I’ve got one across my left cheek.  It’s just above the line of my beard, so I don’t think you would really notice it unless you were looking for it.  I got it when I got those people killed by that yeti in Hillsbrad because I accidentally went out of my way to kill a giant moth, and the Warchief got really mad and belted me.  Although the worst part was how he yelled.  He got that tone that he gets.  –Utvoch

Oh, yeah, I’ve got one on my face, too, right under my left eye, from that time the Warchief—  Wait a minute, when you said to name them, did you mean you wanted us to name them name them?  In that case, I think I’ll call the one under my eye Al.  –Dontrag

I think I’ll name mine Dranosh.  It means “Heart of Draenor” in orcish.  –Utvoch

Everybody knows that, you idiot.  And it’s still not cool to use that name.  Anyway, for the one on my forehead, maybe I’ll name that one The Reminder.  –Dontrag

I don’t get it.  But I love the idea of a name that’s “The” something.  I have to remember that if I ever have kids.  –Utvoch

What does your desk/workspace look like?  Are you neat or messy?

Depends on which of us used it last.  I try to keep our desk sort of organized back at the barracks.  Donty’s a slob, though.  I always end up having to pick up after him.  It’s like having a second job half the time.  –Utvoch

Depends on which of us used it last.  It’s not so much that I’m messy, really – it’s more me being lazy.  I don’t care enough to put in the extra effort to put everything in order.  And I mean, I would if I had to, but I figured out a long time ago that Ut’s compulsive enough that if I just leave it alone, he’ll do it eventually himself.  So, like, it’s not so much that I’m messy as I delegate well.  –Dontrag

Do you have any irrational fears?

Other than the Warchief getting a little madder than usual one day and stabbing me?  Fire makes me antsy.  I always get nervous around fire mages.  Or mages casting fireballs in general.  I always get this weird creepy feeling like I’m about to get torched–Dontrag

Owls freak me out.  Not even, like, giant ones, either.  Although those are even freakier.  Just plain old regular owls.  The way they stare at you, and plus, when they go “who!”, I always feel like they’re mocking me and Donty.  –Utvoch

If you could time travel, where would you go?

Probably old Hillsbrad, since I didn’t get to go last time, just to see what the big deal was.  –Dontrag

Maybe back to that time we went back to old Hillsbrad, and let Donty go instead?  That whole thing was really confusing, and I think the Warchief got even madder with me than usual, and plus there was that whole thing with the end of the world, which wasn’t a whole lot of fun.  –Utvoch

What might your ideal romantic partner be?

I won’t lie.  I’ve always had a thing for tauren women.  Can’t resist them.  (It’s the hooves.)  –Utvoch

You are a sick, sick orc, Ut.  –Dontrag

30 Days of Character Development #1: Spazzle

Posted in 30 Days of Character Development with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on January 5, 2014 by Garrosh Hellscream

[A few weeks ago, Rades and Vidyala over at From Draenor With Love came up with a pretty neat use of the “30 Days of Character Development” meme that’s been floating around.  Rades and Vid answered a selection of the questions, in character, in a pair of posts that offered a look at their Azerothian namesakes.

I loved this idea, and so, with a grateful nod and salute to Rades and Vid, I’m going to kick off my own variation.  My take is going to be spread the original 30 days over 30 weeks, with one post per week.  Each post will highlight one of the supporting (or not-so-supporting) characters in the blog.  I’ll include a selection of the original 30 questions, answered, a la R&V, in character, plus an assortment of additional information.  Those among you who, like me, grew up poring over comic book compendia like the Official Handbook of the Marvel Universe may see a definite influence.

In the process, I think I may be able to give a few entertaining tidbits on some familiar faces, provide new readers (and old) an additional shortcut for getting a sense of who’s who, and also compile a sort of “blog bible” of character information (something I’ve been wanting to get around to for a while, for my own reference).

Every week (I hope!), you can expect to see one of these profiles.  While it’s possible that they may end up with a set day, I don’t plan to lock it in quite so tightly; much more likely, I’ll use the profiles to fill out the week’s posts without (hopefully) breaking up the main continuity too much.  Feel free to chime in with whom you’d like to see featured!  (Yes, Repgrind, I know.  We’ll get to Faranell eventually, I promise.)]

 

spazzle_profileName:  Spazzle Fizzletrinket

Occupation:  Tech consultant to the Warchief, part-time blogger, Earth Online guild leader

Class:  Shaman (enhancement)

Age:  27

Group affiliations:  Horde (citizen), Bilgewater Cartel (member), Fizzletrinket Technologies (a tech startup that, admittedly, hasn’t been particularly active since the development of the TranslationMaster2000; owner)

Known relatives:  Khizzara Whizzingcrank (cousin and blogger namesake)

Earth Online notes:  Current guild leader of <Warchief>, appointed by Garrosh while the Warchief is stuck with an unreliable wireless connection in Pandaria.  Also administers <Warchief> guild web site.  Main toon MrBadCrumble (class unknown).  Had attended three straight EarthCons until missing this past year’s, due to being too busy freaking out over one of his friends being killed (this one didn’t take), charged with treason, banished from the Horde, and killed again (this one evidently did).

First appearance:  “LOK’TAR OGAR!” (first mention); “Spazzle Speaks” (first guest post)

Key posts and plot points:

  • Spazzle first introduced Garrosh to online gaming in “Earth Online”, set him up with a wireless network (which Garrosh historically calls “why fly”) in Grommash Hold in “Doing some gaming…”, and brought him along for a trip to EarthCon (at which Genesis Entertainment revealed their plans for the “Land Down Under” expansion) in “EarthCon.”
  • After Garrosh created the Earth Online guild <Warchief>, Spazzle set him up with an addon to save a record of guild chat in “Welcome to [Warchief]”, the blog’s first guild chat log.
  • In “Spazzle Speaks: Shamans United!”, Spazzle encounters Thrall on the way to the Echo Isles, where they discover the Kor’kron occupation.  After the Echo Isles are freed, Spazzle maintained secret contact with Thrall and Vol’jin, as revealed in “Spazzle Speaks: The Gobin is Always Greener on the Other Side of Guild Chat” and “Spazzle Speaks: Tours of Duty.”
  • After being banished from the Horde, but before disappearing to locations unknown, Mokvar met with Spazzle in “Spazzle Speaks: Parting Gifts” to entrust him with custody of his recall totem, a shaman relic connected to the Astral Recall spell.  While Spazzle was holding the totem, its elemental energy fizzled out – something that would normally only occur as a result of a shaman’s permanent death.  This development is first covered in “The Goblin is Always Greener” and further explored in “Spazzle Speaks: Dead End.”
  • As shown in several of the guild chat logs, Spazzle has become one of Ji Firepaw’s closest friends in the Horde since the disappearance of Mokvar.

garroshgurtashIn His Own Words:

Describe your relationship with your mother or your father, or both.  Was it good?  Bad?  Were you spoiled rotten, ignored?  Do you still get along now, or no?

My father and uncle both died when I was little, in a freak giant-rampaging-robot-gorilla accident.  I won’t bore you with the details, we all know how those go.  My mom and aunt split a two-family duplex-in-a-box and raised me and my cousin Khizzara together.  We weren’t rich, but we weren’t exactly hurting for money after the robot gorilla settlement.  So I guess Zzara and I got pretty accustomed to getting the toys we wanted.  Maybe spoiled, a little?  I didn’t really learn to be too independent until I had to.  Mom didn’t make it out of Kezan when the Cataclysm hit.

Who do you trust?

Khizzara – she’s more like a sister to me than a cousin.  Mokvar, despite everything.  Ji.  Thrall.  I trust Garrosh and Vol’jin both, in their way, but I think they both have some serious blinders on.

Can you define a turning point in your life?  Multiples are acceptable.

Definitely the Cataclysm.  I lost my mom, as well as my home back on Kezan.  It led to me meeting Thrall, becoming a (fairly crappy) shaman, joining the Horde.  And then of course there’s everything that’s come with moving to Orgrimmar and starting to work for Garrosh.  So it’s really easy to divide my life into two periods, B.C. (Before Cataclysm) and A.D. (After Deathwing).

How are you with technology?  Super savvy, or way behind the times?  Letters or e-mail?

Oh man!  I’m all about the newest tech.  Some days I’ll burn up a whole afternoon, just tinkering around, trying to come up with my own advances.  They…usually don’t go completely to spec, but still!  I’m generally a lot better with electronics than with machinery – if you’re building a robot, I’m totally the guy to design its brain, but you probably shouldn’t come to me first if you need to install a new arm.  E-mail, definitely.  My handwriting is pretty terrible because I type so much more than I write by hand.

C18sampWhat’s your desk/workspace look like?  Are you neat or messy?

Organized chaos.  It looks like a giant mess, with piles of stuff on top of piles of other stuff, but I know what’s in all of the piles.

What would your cutie mark be?

Um… Am I supposed to know what that means?

What’s your favorite comfort food, favorite vice, favorite outfit, favorite hot drink, favorite time of year, and favorite holiday?

The pandaren have these noodles that are really great comfort food, plus they only cost…like…five copper a pack.  I don’t know how they turn a profit on them.  Favorite vice is probably…I don’t know…wasting waaaaaaaay too much time screwing around on the internet.  There isn’t one outfit that I like best, but I’m pretty fond of a bunch of the t-shirts I have.  Earl grey tea.  Autumn, right when the leaves are starting to turn.  Hallow’s End.

If your life were a genre, what would it be?

Definitely a comic book.  And that’s even before you figure in the Gurtash factor.

 

[One last OOC note: The sharp-eyed among you may have noticed that the comic panel excerpted above (featuring Spazzle with Garrosh and Liadrin) doesn't look familiar.  Consider it a preview -- Gurtash strikes again in another day or two!]

Monday mailbag

Posted in Mailbag with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 30, 2013 by Garrosh Hellscream

mailbag29

Okay, people, it’s been WAY too long since I’ve dipped into the ol’ mailbag, and I have a HUGE backlog of letters, so let’s get right to it, shall we?

 

Hail Warchief!

The Feast of Winter Veil is approaching, and it made me think. What do you hope to get from Greatfather Winter this year? Do you have any special family traditions? I look forward to seeing Orgrimmar all decorated for the festivities.
Happy Holidays!

–Lorewalker Shara

PS you may want to avoid using tinsel to decorate around Mortimer, unless you like festive poop! Might be a good idea to keep Taktani away from it too, thinking about it.

Hey, Shara, thanks for writing.  Hopefully Orgrimmar is looking all Winter Veily these days.  I’ll be back for a check-in soon, but I’m probably only going to make it back to town JUST in time to catch the end of the festivities.  As for my wish list… I remember addressing this point a couple years ago, and most of the stuff on that list still stands – especially Varian and Magatha’s heads on pikes – but there are a few more things I can think of that I might add to the list for this year.

  • An actual explanation that makes sense for what the hell was going on with Mokvar while I was away.
  • A wireless network here in Pandaria that’s actually reliable, so I can log onto Earth Online without it being a fucking comedy show.
  • An on-site goblin tech guy who can maintain that network without the whole thing going kablooey and spitting out two burnt pieces of toast every time there’s a breeze, because let me tell you, Grizzle Gearslip ain’t happening.

Come to think of it, so far all of these could pretty much be covered if I could get a bunch more Spazzles.  Because really, as much as I clown on the guy, he actually knows what he’s doing and gets shit done, and unlike half these other jokers, I don’t have to worry about him running around behind my back doing spirits-know-what.  So, other additions to the list:

  • A scribe that doesn’t have traitorous tendencies, a busted-up writing hand, or the disposition of a six-year-old on a sugar high from eating all the Hallow’s End candy EVER.
  • The secret to controlling the sha.
  • A First War commemorative chess set.  This is the normal-sized, less creepy version of the chess set Medivh had over in Karazhan.  It’s been rumored to be in the works for years, and I’ve finally started to see them showing up on ebAH.  Yes, I play chess.  Don’t act all surprised, for fuck’s sake.
  • Varian’s head on a pike.  Did I mention this one?

As far as having family traditions for Winter Veil…not really.  I mean, keep in mind, Winter Veil is a pretty recent thing for us Mag’har.  We didn’t have Winter Veil back in Nagrand, so we only started picking it up at all after Thrall came out to Garadar a few years ago.  Greatmother Geyah really has taken a liking to it, but that’s about it.  Plus, not to get maudlin and shit, but it’s kind of hard to have family traditions when you don’t really have a family.  I mean, I never knew my dad, and my mom died when I was young.  I’m an only child.  As far as I know.  Assuming Grom wasn’t a bigger pimp than anybody’s given him credit for.  Anyhow, point being, Greatmother is pretty much the only family I’ve got nowadays, and even SHE’s not a blood relation – she’s just the one that raised me after Lakkara died.  So, yeah.  AREN’T YOU HAPPY YOU BROUGHT THAT UP?  BET YOU FEEL PROUD.

 

Greetings Warchief!

I am in desperate need of your assistance. I approached Regent Lord Lor’themar with my issue but he said that it was beyond his scope and directed me to contact you.

I recently inherited a house and it is in terrible need of redecoration. You have done a great deal of renovation recently and I was wondering if you could give me some tips to make my house look amazing. Attached is a picture of the house.

WoWScrnShot_112313_213143

Thanks,

–Tegwin

Grats on the new house, Tegwin.  Not so grats on the place looking like such a shithole.  Because, yeah, that place needs some work.  I mean, seriously…the wispy, billowy day-glow curtains?  A bearskin rug with the bear head still attached?  Strewn out there like you’re getting ready to do a photo shoot you already know you’re going to regret in five years?  And… Is…is that a hookah?  Just sitting there, right out in the open, in the living room?  What are you, one semester removed from college and stuck with a slacker troll roommate who keeps swearing he’ll have his half of the rent this month, and this time he means it, mon, only you know perfectly well that’s not happening because felweed’s a hell of a drug?

So, okay, a few things.  You have to lose the pastels, first of all.  I know that probably goes against every last one of your blood elf sensibilities, but trust me on this.  You want strong, commanding colors – the kind that will make people think “Holy fuck, some serious shit goes on in this place” when they walk in.  Lots of reds and grays.  Err on the side of darker.  Go too dark with the red and you get a bloody crimson, which is still pretty badass.  Go too light and you get pink.  See where I’m going with this?

Mount some weapons on the walls.  If you haven’t cleaned them lately and they’ve got some bloodstains, all the better.  It adds to the color scheme I’m talking about, plus it conveys a message of “This person is not to be fucked with.”  Spikes.  You can never have too many spikes.  Or skulls.  Get some skulls in there.  If you can carve up the body of one of your enemies and, say, make their skull into a chair for yourself, awesome.  Or maybe turn their bones into an end table.  A hat rack will do in a pinch.  If you haven’t killed any notable enemies lately, but you’ve got an infamous foe that you really only know by reputation but somebody in your family killed, and you have THEIR remains somewhere handy, that’s just as good, because that fucker was brought down by your bloodline (AGAIN NOTICE THE BLOOD MOTIF) and you totally deserve to share credit for the accomplishment.

This is all for your living room, of course, and I know my tastes can be a little hardcore.  I figured you might want to take it down a notch or two for your bedroom, so I went to Garona to get a woman’s opinion.  Didn’t get very far, though.  I told her I had a question about the bedroom and tried to ask her if she matches her rugs and curtains, or words to that effect, but she just got all pissy for some reason.  So, not much help there.  I seriously don’t know what’s up with her sometimes.

Speaking of which…

 

Dear Warchief,

I’m writing this letter to you in secret and I hope it gets to you and I’m not killed in the process.  *looks around*

It’s about Garona Halforcen.  Sir, she scares the everliving shi—uh—crap out of me.  *looks around again*

I happened upon some history stuff about her and now I’m all confused.  She was there when the first invasion from the Dark Portal, then she had a kid with an old man, and she is half-orc, half-dradne dranin demon *looks up spelling* DRAENAI.  (She looks like an orc.  Smells like one too.  I don’t see it.)

Now I’m all confused and sitting in a dark tunnel with a lot of thinking time had me thinking about her again.

What I want to know…*looks around*

How old is she?  She’s got to be like….ANCIENT.  *hides paper, looks around*

She doesn’t make sense and I don’t want to ask her.  She’s scary.

–Ruekie, Shaman In Training

PS:  There’s a lot of talk lately with the orc kids about the Red Pox, and if there is something scarier than Garona it’s that. I heard you had it once. Did it hurt? Can you get it again? Can we get it? Can an outbreak happen again? Too many questions and we are getting freaked out. Like FREAKED out. Really.

Okay, first of all… Um, Ruekie, you realize we were JUST in those caves all alone and out of earshot of Garona, right?  Not sure why you didn’t just ask your questions THEN, but whatever.  Kids.

First, the Red Pox?  No, seriously, you don’t want to get into the Red Pox, that was just a bad scene all around.  I don’t know why you kids would be talking about it now, but really, just let that shit die.  Nobody needs to be digging up THOSE memories for anybody.

Okay, now that that’s settled, on to your main point.  Yeah, I’ll grant you the scary thing with Garona.  Scariest bitch I know who hasn’t come back from the dead.  Although it’s probably a sad statement about my life that the list of people I know who HAVE come back from dead is a lot longer than you would figure.  Because – I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this before – NOBODY STAYS FUCKING DEAD ANYMORE.

Anyway, here’s the deal with Garona.  Yeah, she’s half orc, half draenei.  Back in the day, Gul’dan bred an orc and a draenei to create a personal assassin – enter Garona.  Yeah, she looks mostly orcish, but I guess these racial mixes are kind of a crap shoot as far as which race’s physical traits you get.

Anyhow, to tell you the truth, I’m not sure exactly when Gul’dan actually orchestrated her birth.  I know it was definitely before the Dark Portal opened, and that was about 30 years ago, but before that, there was a window of about 20 years when Gul’dan was up to some Really Bad Shit, so the breeding experiment could have happened anywhere in there.  Let’s shave off the first couple years to give Gul’dan time to come up with this idea and for Garona to be brought to term.  That would mean that Garona would have to be anywhere from, say, 32 (She’s not.  Seriously.  I’m 35.  There’s no damn way she’s younger than me.) to around 48 or so.  Anywhere in between, your guess is as good as mine.

Hang on, though – this gets more complicated when you add the fact that Gul’dan had Garona aged magically so that she could get right to work, no childhood needed.  Swell guy, huh?  Anyway, the age of adulthood among orcs varies a little from clan to clan, usually somewhere from 13 to 15.  (Yeah, I know, kid, can you believe it?  Technically you’re an adult.  Hard to imagine you’re a grown-up, huh?  Well, let me clue you in on a little secret: That thought won’t stop seeming weird for another 20 years.)  So that would mean, however old Garona is according to the calendar, she really has the body of a woman 13-some-odd years older.  So now we’re looking at a physical age putting her somewhere between 45 and, like, 60-something.  Which is kind of a big deal when you consider that 70 is about as old as you could reasonably hope to live as an orc, even if you do a perfect job taking care of yourself.

Oh, but hang on, we’re not done yet.  It’s about to get more complicated.  (Don’t look at me – I didn’t make this shit up.)  Because, see, since Garona has that draenei half, her aging is even more fucked up.  Draenei live for…like…forever.  I mean seriously, I think the average draenei lifespan is something like “infinity minus twelve.”  So you mix THOSE genes in with our good, wholesome “70 if you’re super lucky” orcish genes, and…well… You’ve got a woman who’s technically, like, 40, only with the body of a 53-year-old, only not really because 53 doesn’t mean anywhere near the same thing to the draenei part of her, so…um… Who the fuck knows?

She’s old, okay?  Only she’s kind of not.  Only she is.  Whatever – you go figure it out.  Meanwhile I’m going to go check around the room and make sure there aren’t any whooshing sounds coming from the corners.

 

The following is written in elegant, but slightly shaky, cursive script on pale peach-colored parchment paper

My dear little Roshy,

How are you doing? I have missed you. It’s beautiful here in Nagrand – we’re having the most glorious late-fall weather.  I hope all is well in Orgrimmar.

Why didn’t you tell me you have a girlfriend?  Sounds serious too… She has been sending me letters telling me about how deeply in love you both are, and has included many pictures of you with little hearts and flowers drawn on them.  She says you’re getting married in the spring?  Why didn’t you mention it?  You would think you’d keep your own family informed, dear.  We’ll have to have a little chat the next time you visit.  You are coming home for Winter Veil, are you not?

Also, you should take some pictures of the two of you together.  And perhaps find a new photo studio.  These look like they were printed on magazine paper instead of proper photo paper.  I can’t properly frame them for display, especially not with the lipstick kisses smeared all over them.

All my love,

–Greatmother Geyah.

Hold on, hold on, what… how the… it… GODDAMMIT, SOMEBODY IS FALSIFYING RECORDS OF THEIR WARCHIEF, and…and…  Oh fucking hell, now I’m going to have to go out there and explain Photoshop to her.  It was bad enough when I had the bright idea to try to show her the internet.  Nothing in my e-mail for two months but forwarded pictures of wyverns asking for cheeseburgers.  And WHO is this woman who’s…ugh.  You know what?  I don’t even think I want to know.  Even though I can probably think of a couple likely suspects.

Now I’m just imagining somewhere in Orgrimmar there’s a dim, candle-lit room with walls covered by pictures of me, and…no, no, don’t even go any further with that, Garrosh.  That way madless lies.

And now on top of everything, I have to squeeze in a trip to Nagrand before Winter Veil totally runs out on me, or I’m never going to hear the end of it.  Ugh.  Maybe I’ll bring Gurtash, and see if I can maybe distract her a little with the cute kid factor.  Or Ruekie?  I bet she’d like Ruekie.  Plus Rook might want someplace to hide anyway, what with her probably having Garona out for her head as soon as this post goes live.

 

Very good to hear you have escaped the Saurok caves unharmed. The Horde would be in a very dire position if we were to lose our leader.

I do have one question. Have you ever thought of asking a mage if they could manage to conjure lemon squares? I have no complaints, but the same old sticky buns are a bit tiring after some time (not to mention they turn stale and hard as a rock after some time sitting in a bag). Perhaps you should collaborate with my wife? I am sure she would be very good to collaborate with, or maybe another mage closer to your location.

Regards,

–Shen-Wei Pureblossom

Thanks for writing, Shen-Wei.  You know, I HAVE thought of this lemon squares angle before, but here’s the thing.  First off, there was a point around this time last year that I really thought Gija down in the Cleft of Shadow was on to something, but the problem is, lemon squares don’t really lend themselves to conjuring, apparently.  I mean, you can abracadabra up some pastries that are sorta, KINDA in the same ballpark as lemon squares, but you can tell they’re not the real thing.  It’s like the drop-off from real leather to that fake shit that the damn DEHTA hippies try to pass off and think they’re fooling anybody.  And once you’re used to eating the real thing, I mean, come on.  It would be like going from having me as Warchief to, I don’t even know, a fucking TROLL or something.

Second of all, having spent my whole life eating those lemon squares, let me tell you, we don’t need mages recreating Greatmother’s recipe, because IT’S ALREADY MAGICAL.  (See?  See how I’m already working on smoothing things over with her?  For real, I’m so fucking diplomatic you could just shit a brick.)

Also, even setting all that aside… Nothing personal, but I don’t take anybody up on any suggestions that include the phrase “perhaps you should collaborate with my wife” ever since the Incident That Shall Not Be Discussed over at Tharl Stonebleeder’s house.  Now stop making me think about things that cannot be unthought.  MOVING ON.

 

Hail Warchief.

Rumors are flying that there is a red pox outbreak. Is this anything like the scourge?

–Kelytas, Blood Elf Paladin, Borean Tundra

Wait, again with the Red Pox?  No!  We’re not going to talk about the Red Pox.  Why the fuck is everybody so curious about the Red Pox all of a sudden?

 

I really enjoyed that Photo-Op you had with King Varian a while ago.  I couldn’t help but notice that King Varian had a wonderful tousled-Anime-pigtail thing going on that was at the same time sexy but tough, and you…well, you just look cranky.

I checked in with the Couturier Barbershop in downtown Orgrimmar and was quite frankly shocked at the dismal array of hairstyles available.  An up-swept Mohawk with a scarf?  Are you kidding me?

I know you might have a couple of things on your plate right now but seriously, you really need to look into this before the entire Horde start looking like extras from Naxxramas.

Maybe you could contact King Varian, find out who does his hair and we could have a Stylist Exchange with one of our Barbers so they could learn some new hair techniques and bring back the Glory of the Horde.

I also noticed that our Tailors are in desperate need of new patterns.  Malevolent-style silk pantaloons?  Really?  That is so last-season…

–A Concerned Fashionista Blood Elf

Lor’themar, is that you?

Yeah, let me get right on that.  I’ll send a special diplomatic courier right over to Stormwind with a note that says, “Who does your hair??”  Yeah, that would go over great, I’m sure.

Hmm.  Actually, come to think of it, a message like that would probably seem SO weird to Varian that it might fuck with his head a little.  Like, I can totally imagine him reading that and thinking, “Garrosh wouldn’t give a shit about my hair…WHAT IS HE UP TO?”  And then he gets all paranoid and shit.  And meanwhile I’m just sitting back and not doing anything, and the longer this goes on the more paranoid he gets – ESPECIALLY when it’s time for him to go to the barber, because, hey, THIS IS WHAT GARROSH WAS ASKING ABOUT.  And maybe he gets so messed up and suspicious that he stops going to the barber altogether, and his hair grows and grows, and finally he’s just got this total mess of a rat’s nest on his head, until maybe he eventually can’t stand it anymore and shaves it all off and ends up bald.  Same as me.

There you have it, ACFBE.  Problem solved.  Garrosh comes out ahead of the curve yet again.  Boom.

 

Hail, Warchief!

I’m studying Orcish History at school and need to write an essay. I thought I’d write about the Red Pox and it’s impact, and I thought it would be neat if I could quote you on the subject, if you don’t mind.

I know it was a terrible illness, but there aren’t any first-hand records that I’ve been able to find. What was it like to live with the Red Pox? Do you remember much from those years? Did you notice any major differences between Orcish society as a whole and the way Orcs lived in Garadar? Pretty much anything you can remember would be great.

Thanks!

–Anonymous Scholar, Orgrimmar

Okay, so at least NOW I have some idea of why everybody’s got the Red Pox on the brain this week.  So okay, fine, just this once I’ll talk about it, seeing as I’m probably one of the only Red Pox survivors a lot of these kids will have the chance to meet.

It sucked.

What, you wanted more?  FINE.

I’m not going to waste time going over the symptoms, because there must already be records of that, and I’m pretty sure neither one of us wants to spend our lunch break reviewing my childhood vomiting habits.  But yeah, I had it as a kid, and even setting aside the physical suffering of it all, I can’t stress enough how much of an effect it had on the culture of Garadar.  I mean, you asked if there were any major differences between Garadar society and orcish society as a whole?  Fuck, what WASN’T different?  The Red Pox hung over our whole culture.  It touched everything.  We had whole generations who were born and died – prematurely, granted – under the bane of that thing.  That was the worst part of it, really – the sense of resignation it left us with.  It was like, for a lot of us, there was this sense that the Red Pox came for our grandparents, and then it came for our parents, and now it’s going to come for us.

Over the years, our shaman kept working to find a cure, and every so often there would be a glimmer of hope that maybe they had something.  But then there would always be some disaster that would undo it.  After a while that became part of the gloom and doom of it – the shaman would come up with a new possibility, and you never quite stopped hoping, but deep down you were thinking, “Okay, let’s see what fucks it up THIS time.”  Even when they finally did find a cure, and the suffering could finally end, a lot of us couldn’t even quite believe it was really happening.

Adding to all this, by the way, was the fact that over in Telaar, the draenei had their own parallel illness going on for a while.  It was called the lank distemper – or the “Lanks,” as a lot of folks ended up calling it.  Basically an infection that caused severe dehydration and loss of appetite, so the afflicted would wither down to these scrawny shadows of their former selves.  Sometimes the two diseases would flare up as if they had a contest going to see which one could kill more victims.  Which made for some miserable times for everybody involved.  Believe me, for anyone who was living through it, you do NOT want to get them started on the whole Lanks / Red Pox rivalry.

Is that enough?  Are you happy yet?  Or do I need to relive the time the conjured healing sphere rolled between Bullrok’s legs and into the lake, too?

 

Dear Garrosh;

Winter Veil is here! Time for a great orc cheer! Lok’tar!

I am so looking forward to making cookies and milk for Greatfather Winter this year with my new cooking skills I learned from Pilgrim’s Bounty holiday. I may even add some lemon squares to add some extra favor. I’m really hoping this year he’ll give me a ferocious armored bloodwing with exotic leather saddle for riding. That would be so cool! (Sigh, I’ll probably end up with another copper racer though.)

What are you hoping for Winter Veil this year, Mr. Garrosh sir?

Varian on a spire tree?

Blood and thunder!

–Ruekie, Shaman-Still-in-Training

PS: Greatfather Winter looks awful familiar, but I can’t quite figure it out. Kinda like Mr. Saurfang, but that would be impossible…I think. (Nothing is impossible with Mr. Saurfang.)

PPS: Winter Veil holiday is a great time for eating. Try no to eat too many lemon squares, though, sir. It doesn’t take much to make your muscles look like marshmallows.  D: 

Bye!

Wait, Ruekie AGAIN?  When the hell is she writing all these letters?  Fuck, maybe I should hire HER as a scribe, if this is how fast she can crank out pages.  Anyway.

So also, before we get into anything else…hang on, you want a BLOODWING for Winter Veil?  A frigging BAT?  All of a sudden, a WYVERN isn’t good enough for little miss tornado-pants?  You’ve seen Mortimer in action, up close and personal, and you’ve decided, “Nah, let’s give the universe a sporting chance – keep the wings, take away all the parts that really make the wyvern badass, and replace them with a giant blind rat”?  Are you KIDDING me?

I already answered the part about what I want for Winter Veil a few letters up, so no need to get into that again.  And I’m not going to dignify the lemon squares thing with a response.  But I have to comment on that thing you said about Greatfather Winter.  You know, one thing that people always say about Greatfather Winter is that there’s no way the guy could possibly fly all around the world and deliver presents to everyone in just one night.  Well, I think you might have found the one gaping hole in that theory.  So, next time you find yourself in an argument with some skeptic who doesn’t want to believe in Greatfather Winter, just unload this one on them:

“I’m telling you, there isn’t enough time for Greatfather Winter to do all that!  It isn’t physically possible!”

“What if Greatfather Winter is really Saurfang?”

“Oh… Um… Well then.”

 

Yo Mon!

I hear you had de red pox, mon. On dat game Earth Online dey has a disees call chicken pox. Es dat de same? (What do chickens haf to do wit dat?)

Dey say in dat game, once you hav it, you cannot get et again. Yah, mon, you are now invisible to dat disees, like de lich king’s horse.  Dat is good news!

Cheers, mon!

–Bobbette, Out der somewhere

Okay.

So.

I am beginning to get the very distinct impression that I may be getting trolled.

 

Hey mon!

What’s dis I be hearin’ about da Red Pox breakin’ out again?  It be all anybody be talkin’ ’bout dese days!  If you get it, does dat mean ya turns red?  I remember seein’ some red orcs back in Hellfire Peninsula, mon, was dey havin’ da Red Pox?  Dey go from green ta red?  Don’t get me wrong, mon, I don’t want nobody gettin’ sick, but if dere be anudda outbreak, look on da bright side – all dat red an’ green togetha be lookin’ nice an’ festive for Winter Veil!

–Bob, Shado-pan Monastery

I hate you.  I really, truly hate you.

 

Excuse me, Warchief, I write to you from Dustwallow marsh, I came here to see if I could find test subjects for a new flamethrower, and found something much more interesting, there is this mysterious woman on the road to the ruined theramore (hah!) and she seems to be able to send me back in time to look at theramore and the swamp before theramore was destroyed, I went to sleep at mudsprocket and woke up in present day. She seems upset that I was killing humans as soon as I was there, and refuses to send me again.

–Ritaba, Mudsprocket 

Wait, wait, hang on.  Let me get this straight.  You’re telling me that there’s someone hanging around Dustwallow Marsh sending people back in time to Theramore before we blew it up?  As in, making it possible to totally sidestep our whole victory and interact with the place like it was before?  That… fucking hell, THAT DEFEATS THE WHOLE POINT OF US BLOWING IT UP IF YOU CAN FUCKING DO THAT!

You know, this has the Bronze Dragonflight written all over it — or at least it WOULD, if it weren’t for the fact that this is PRECISELY THE SAME KIND OF SHIT they they’ve been recruiting people to PREVENT for years now, and by the way didn’t I just march through like 50 miles of steaming shit over their whole “integrity of the past” deal last year?!  But hey, apparently it’s NO BIG DEAL when you’re talking about Theramore, right?  SURE!  WHY NOT?  Hey, how about I zip on back to the past and start fucking with shit too, because I GUESS THAT’S ON THE MENU NOW, RIGHT?

Fucking dragons.  FUCKING TIME TRAVEL!

UGH!

 

I have been reading the history of Pandaria, and discovered something no one has bothered to take note of, seven burdens of Shaohao, the story of how the last emperor of Pandaria defeated the six sha and locked them away in a poor fashion (He couldn’t have kept them from causing havok any time someone gets cranky?), and there are older writings indicating a beast with seven heads, perhaps there is a seventh sha never recorded, it could be the key to controlling them.

–Yinsun, Vale of Eternal Blossoms

Now see, THIS is an example of some research that might actually be useful.  You might be on to something there, Yinsun.  It DOES seem kind of fishy that we have this story about Shaohao and his seven burdens, and this seven-headed thingamabob, and then we only have six sha that we know about.  It’s definitely worth considering whether we’ve got one more sha on the loose that nobody’s thought of.  (Hell, I was even bouncing ideas about this around with some people on Twitter a little while ago.)

For anybody keeping score at home, we might as well start with the basics.  Right now, we’ve got six sha accounted for: the Sha of Doubt, the Sha of Anger, the Sha of Despair, the Sha of Violence, the Sha of Hatred, and the Sha of Fear.

So, okay, let’s suppose there’s one more out there.  Since the sha we know about all seem to be named for pretty major negative emotions or vices…hmm…let’s see, what do we have left for major negatives?

There could be a Sha of Greed, I suppose.  Although…I mean, we have goblins with us, and I have to figure if there were a Sha of Greed, people like Grizzle Gearslip would be setting the fucker off left and right.  The Sha of Jealousy, maybe?  Makes sense on paper, but again, you’d figure we’d be having outbreaks all over the place, seeing as we’ve got a base full of people who’ve been watching me stroll around day after day.  And you KNOW the peeps get jelly when they feast their eyes to the pure awesome that is yours truly, amirite?

So we’re kind of running out of major vices to pair up with the missing sha.  What else is there?  Free-associate, Garrosh… hmm… the Sha of Gluttony?  The Sha of Sloth?  The Sha of Anteater?

Hang on…I think that line of thought took a wrong turn on me somehow.

Maybe we’re going about this wrong.  Time to think outside the box a little.  For all we know, this last sha could be kind of a niche sha, something more specific and less…well…grandiose.  Which might explain why this one might have been able to fly under the radar all this time.  So, let’s see, what else could be out there as the sneakier, subtler bane of our existence…

  • The Sha of Social Awkwardness
  • The Sha of Small Talk
  • The Sha of Poor Table Manners
  • The Sha of Bad Penmanship
  • The Sha of Bad Spelling
  • The Sha of Typos (possibly related to above)
  • The Sha of Not Picking Up After Your Wyvern
  • The Sha of Repetition
  • The Sha of Redundancy
  • The Sha of Telegraphing Bad Jokes
  • The Sha of Walking Really Slowly in Front of People at the Mall
  • The Sha of Paper Towels with Inexplicably Strong Perforation So You Try to Snap Off One Square and End Up Yanking Out Half the Roll
  • The Sha of Telling the Same Story Over and Over and Over Again Even Though Yes I Already Know How You Met Eitrigg Okay Tirion

Okay, you know what?  This is going nowhere fast.

Wait, wait, hang on a second… I could swear I HAVE seen another sha somewhere.

shaofhappiness

HOLY FUCKING HELL THAT’S IT!  THE SHA OF HAPPINESS!  Come to think of it, I even remember seeing this fucker on Twitter!  Fuckin’ A, I KNEW all those annoyingly happy assholes like Mylune were up to no good!  IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW.

 

Okay, that’s going to do it for this time, but keep those letters coming.  You guys really stepped up to the plate with this batch of letters, so you know what that means — THE BAR HAS BEEN RAISED.  So keep it going, and I’ll try to be back with more wise words soon.  Handy form included:

Cheat Sheet

Posted in Words from Behind the Curtain with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 18, 2013 by Garrosh Hellscream

quillandpaper

As promised in my last post, here’s an overview of the state of the blog.  I realize that after two years of accumulated in-jokes and storylines, the Command Board may be a bit disorienting to a newcomer (or, for that matter, to a long-time reader who blinked at the wrong time), so I’ve tried to break this down into a semi-sorta-kinda FAQ.  Most of this will be familiar to long-time readers (though I’ve also included a few behind-the-scenes notes that some of you might find interesting), but I hope it’ll explain a few things for new arrivals.

 

I hate Garrosh!  Why does Garrosh seem so sympathetic in this blog?  Are you one of those Garrosh apologists/fanboys?

Comically enough, I originally started the blog because I really didn’t like Garrosh either, and saw the blog as a way to have a few chuckles mocking him.  It wasn’t long, though, before I decided that I would get sick of the outright-mockery approach pretty quickly, so I started branching out.  Part of the result was letting blog-Garrosh become (I hope) a bit more multifaceted, while still remaining true to his temperamental self.  Including the LOLs.

Ultimately, I don’t set out to justify anything Garrosh does, just to present it in a way that makes sense in light of the character, and if that pushes a black-and-white scenario into some shade of gray, well, that makes for a more interesting story anyway.  And, keep in mind, the story here is being told, generally, from Garrosh’s point of view, so I don’t know how that perspective wouldn’t be sympathetic.  Everyone is the hero of their own story, after all, and nobody thinks they’re a bad person.

 

Why isn’t there anything here about the siege of Orgrimmar?

What are you talking about?  There was a post titled “The siege of Orgrimmar” a good solid year ago – if anything, shouldn’t you be asking why Blizzard is coming so late to the party?  (By the way, I didn’t realize until just now that patch 5.4 was released almost exactly on the one-year anniversary of the “Siege or Orgrimmar” post.  How awesomely freaky is that?)

Anyway, to give a real answer: Time-wise, the blog has not yet reached the events of patch 5.4.  The storyline is currently playing out the midst of 5.2; Lor’themar Theron and Jaina Proudmoore have recently set up shop on the Isle of Thunder, while Vol’jin is still recovering from his injuries at Shado-Pan Monastery.

This time lag between the game and the blog, by the way, is partly by design.  I’d always intended the blog to run a bit behind the game; coming into MoP, I realized that if I tried to follow in-game events too closely, I wouldn’t have time to adapt my own ideas to fit Blizzard’s story.  There have already been a few instances in which Blizzard’s story has taken a turn that’s forced me to change gears in a way that would have been disastrous if I didn’t have a month or two of lead time.  Of course, I’m clearly more than a month or two behind – that’s been a result of various real-life circumstances slowing down my output over the last few months.  I’m working on it!

 

So the blog basically retells in-game events, from Garrosh’s point of view?

Yes and no.  The blog operates within Blizzard’s continuity (with the aforementioned time delay), but also weaves additional storylines in and around the canonical Blizzard plots.  Anything that happens or is stated explicitly in-game is canon, obviously, and the blog is bound by it.*  That said, I sometimes like to put other stories around Blizzard’s, to give them context that might change the way those events are perceived.  (This was a large part of my motivation for the Timequake story leading into Theramore, or, more recently, the blog events surrounding the Divine Bell / Domination Offensive storyline.)

Also, while the point of view is mostly Garrosh’s, there are some posts that present events from other perspectives.  Most notable are the “guest” posts by Spazzle (Garrosh’s tech goblin), which help fill in story details that Garrosh wouldn’t necessarily be privy to.  You can always identify a post written by someone other than Garrosh by the color of the text – Spazzle’s posts, for instance, are always written in green text, and almost always include the phrase “Spazzle Speaks” in the title.  Also, as a rule of thumb, when Spazzle et al post, Garrosh remains oblivious to anything that might be revealed; the conceit at work here is that Garrosh doesn’t really care what anyone else is writing, so he doesn’t bother reading it.

* The one instance that I’ve flat-out fudged in-game details is the way I’ve chosen to incorporate the events of “A Little Patience.”  From the Alliance point of view, that scenario takes place almost immediately after Varian arrives in Pandaria; in the blog, I’ve pushed those events a bit later in the story.  This was largely a matter of convenience: I knew that I wanted there to be a military operation in Krasarang in which Garrosh’s trainees went missing, and I realized fairly late in the going that “A Little Patience” lent itself to that story pretty readily.  Hopefully those Alliance-side readers out there will be willing to turn a blind eye to my blatant and shameless revision.  (Horde bias rears its ugly head again!  GRR!)

 

Garrosh has trainees?  When did that happen?

Right here!  As part of the escalation of the war effort, the Kor’kron started a training program to prepare orc teenagers for eventual military service.  When Garrosh learned that Gurtash – an orc boy from the Orgrimmar orphanage whom Garrosh had taken under his wing – had been conscripted, Garrosh volunteered to take Gurtash’s trainee group under his own supervision.  (Side note: In my head-canon, Garrosh has a bit of a soft spot for the orphans, being as he is one himself.)  The trainees, who have nicknamed themselves the Dead Peons Society (DPS for short) have accompanied Garrosh to Pandaria and joined him on a few adventures.  Fairly recently, they went missing after the Horde loss in the “A Little Patience” scenario, and were eventually found by Garrosh, hiding away in an underground system of caves.  That’s brought us up to the point where we are now, story-wise: Garrosh and the trainees underground, looking for a way out.

 

Is the entire supporting cast from within the game?

Mostly, but not entirely.  I’ve invented a few characters for the blog – Spazzle being the highest-profile – but I’ve tried to keep it limited, and tried to restrict those characters to fairly peripheral positions in the lore.  The one glaring exception was the storyline involving Garrosh’s mother, Lakkara, who isn’t mentioned anywhere in the actual lore.  It just struck me as odd that there’s no record of who she was, or what happened to her, and besides, in a mythology packed to capacity with father/son relationships, I thought it was about time somebody’s mom got a little screen time.

Otherwise, when a character turns up who doesn’t exist in-game, that character was often inspired by a reader and/or based on someone’s game character.  For instance, both Gurtash and Mortimer (Garrosh’s personal wyvern) became blog characters thanks to mailbag letters from Khizzara from Blog of the Treant; Khizzara’s own namesake has made a few appearances as Spazzle’s cousin; doodle-prone kitty druid Taktani became a full-fledged character (and boy, is she ever a character) after making several mailbag contributions; and many of the DPS trainees are modeled on the baby orc alts of friends.

In general, though, if you see a supporting character turn up whose name you don’t recognize, the smartest first guess is that he or she is based on a questgiver or other NPC somewhere in-game.  (Wowpedia is your friend!)  I deliberately picked a lot of relatively minor NPCs – people like Mokvar, Elder Cloudfall, and Dontrag and Utvoch – to use as supporting characters because I figured their relatively peripheral status gave me more latitude to work with them, give them backstories, etc.  After all, what are the odds that Blizzard would actually do something with one of these people to contradict my own concoctions?

(Either way, if you’re not sure who someone is, I’ve also maintained a partial list of supporting players on the About the Blog page, including some of the more pertinent information about them.)

 

Speaking of which – in the SoO raid, Mokvar is a mini-boss!  Isn’t he missing?  How are you going to deal with that?

First… um, yeah, that whole “no way they’re gonna do something with this guy” really blew up in my face on this one, huh?

And second… So, everyone who thought I was going to lay out this big storyline for Mokvar, and make such a production out of his disappearance…and then have it turn out that he really is dead…step forward.

Didn’t think so.

For those of you unclear on Mokvar’s whole story, which has been unfolding gradually for quite a while, you can check here for a brief overview and links to the relevant posts.  Very short version: After becoming the victim of a mysterious attack, Mokvar sets out to track down a powerful relic from his warlock days, with the aid of a human named Deliana (who was Mokvar’s Alliance equivalent in the old dungeon set quests); over the course of his quest, he starts to behave increasingly strangely, culminating in his eventual flight from arrest in Orgrimmar.  His whereabouts are now unknown.

Stay tuned.  You’ll see where this is going!

 

With Mokvar gone, how are you handling the transcripts?

Prelinimary: The blog contains several transcripts of conversations that Garrosh has engaged in.  The premise from the outset has been that Mokvar is (or was) Garrosh’s personal scribe, and records all these conversations for posting.  This explains, by the way, a number of occasions when Garrosh mentions summoning Mokvar to an event, or otherwise noting Mokvar’s presence, as a way of leading in to a transcript.

Since Mokvar is off the grid, Garrosh has passed transcription duties to two people: Gurtash, who records his transcripts in the form of comics; and Taktani, a friend of Dontrag and Utvoch and long-time mailbag contributor, who’s started to (and will continue to) write a few transcripts, laden with her own unassuming brand of commentary.

 

What are these guild chat logs that keep cropping up?

Garrosh and several of the supporting characters play an MMORPG called Earth Online – the basic premise being that, to these characters, Azeroth is reality, and our real world is actually the game world of the MMO.  Garrosh started his own guild, called <Warchief>, and several familiar faces (including Spazzle, Sylvanas, Lor’themar, Faranell, Garona, and Dontrag and Utvoch) are members.  Also worth noting is that Jaina Proudmoore is a member of the guild…although she doesn’t realize (yet?) who her guildmates are in “real life.”

The guild chat logs recreate some of the exchanges that the members of <Warchief> have within their game, usually including regular guild chat, officer chat, and, in some cases, whispers.  I make no pretense about the fact that some aspects of these logs are based on my own guild-chat expeiences, especially officer chat.  The transcripts are always presented from the point of view of whoever posted them – usually Garrosh, but occasionally Spazzle.

 

Where did this whole thing about lemon squares come from?

Garrosh loves lemon squares.  Don’t you?

Real explanation: Very early in the blog, Edenvale of The Gamer’s Fridge posted a recipe for Garrosh Hellscream’s lemon squares, and pointed me to her post with a comment on the Command Board.  Since then, it’s become a bit of a running gag – the recipe, according to Garrosh, was his greatmother’s secret family recipe, and he was most perturbed that this random night elf had apparently gotten ahold of it.

 

What does “FYV” mean?

An abbreviation of one of Garrosh’s favorite turns of phrase, of course: “Fuck you, Varian!”  Among other things, Garrosh often finds a way to slip that phrase into his EPIC VERSE compositions.

 

Speaking of which, what’s this “EPIC VERSE”?  Garrosh writes poetry?

You sound surprised.  Garrosh is an orc of many interests.  What, do you think he’s some kind of one-note caricature or something?

Okay, fine, game-Garrosh kind of is.

Honestly, I just got a kick out of the obvious dichotomy of Garrosh Hellscream, gruffest of the gruff, also writing poetry on the side.  True to form, Garrosh doesn’t view his compositions as just any poetry, so he prefers to call them EPIC VERSE.  In caps.  Always.  It’s sprinkled throughout the blog – almost always in purple text, to stress its epic-ness – and ranges from limericks, to parodies of other famous poems, to reader requests, to epic rap battles.

 

So, that’s as much as I can think to cover.  Other gaps can probably be filled in through the Major Storylines page, but if there are questions that anyone still has, in terms of getting caught up or clarified, by all means toss them into a comment and I’ll make sure it’s answered.  And so, on that note, I’ll sigh off with the promise – unconditional promise! – that before the week is out, you’ll have the continuation of the actual STORY part of the story!  Which left off, as you might recall, right here:

C11_Page_6

Spazzle Speaks: Tours of Duty

Posted in Spazzle Speaks, Transcripts with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 31, 2013 by Garrosh Hellscream

earthonline2

A little Earth Online interlude while Garrosh spins his yarn from Pandaria…

 

You have logged on.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Interesting.  What kind of research, Leslie?

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  hi baddie

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered:  Hey mon.

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  its really pretty technical

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  HI MRBADCRUMBLE

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  hey everyone

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  probably pretty boring if its not what you do

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]:  hey

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Greetings, Spazzle.

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell]  i can try to explain some of it to you if you think it would help.

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  hey

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Oh I’m sure it’s fascinating.

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  lol prof

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]:  I just got back from the echo isles a little while ago

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  i’ve got a handle on it, prof, its my job after all

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  If you’d care to elaborate, of course.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Certainly no intrusion intended if you prefer not to.

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  working on Jaina again?

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered:  Tanks for checkin’ up on it for me, mon.

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell]  well yes, but i would imagine understanding the nielas vector hypothesis would be part of your job, too, and we’ve already established you don’t really have a handle on that.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Everyone needs a hobby.  ^_^

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  omg i do too

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]:  it’s fine

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  u think your right about everything

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]:  I had some business down there anyway

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell]  oh hardly.

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell]  i know my nielas vectors, though.

You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]:  hey

[Lorthemar] has logged on.

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  look, i supervise mages for a living, i would think i know about nielas vectors

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell]  i would think you’d know about them, too.

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell]  so see?  i’m not always right.

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  ugh whatever

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  hi lor

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]:  just had to be careful not to be seen by any kor’kron on the way

[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin]  Hey, Lor mon.

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  I STILL WANT TO KNOW HOW YOU KNOW ALL THIS STUFF PROF

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell]  i’ve said before, i read a lot.

[Guild][Lorthemar]  Greetings, all!

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell]  brb

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered:  You run into any trouble?

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  HI LOR

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Good evening, Lor’themar.

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]:  not really

[Guild][Lorthemar]  And how is everyone this fine evening?

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  hey lor’themar

[Officer][Lorthemar]  Good evening.

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  doing ok

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  How are you settling in on…the Isle of Thunder, is it?

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  just missing my baby

[Officer][Lorthemar]  Yes indeed.

[Officer][Lorthemar]  Not badly at all.  Setting up took some doing, but we had some good help on hand.

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]:  there are more kor’kron in razor hill than there used to be

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  AWWW

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  It’s good you were able to get your internet connection working from there.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  I know our…esteemed Warchief has been having stability issues.

[Guild][Lorthemar]  Oh?  I thought you two sat next to each other while you played.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Goodness, I just reread the last thing I said, and I must say it gave me quite the chuckle.  ^_^

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]:  I think after they rebuilt the inn, they used it as an excuse to ramp up security

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  not right now

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  At any rate, I know I would be lost without my connection.

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  I’ve noticed you really seem to be online, like, ALL the time

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  WE USUALLY DO

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  i’m away on business for a little while

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  I don’t think I’ve logged on without you being here

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Well, that’s partly because, being undead, I don’t strictly need to sleep.

[Guild][Lorthemar]  Oh, I see

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Which frees up lots of online time.

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  don’t you have work you need to do in the undercity, though?

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered:  Garrosh give ’em enough time, they be makin’ lots more places “secure.”

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  so for right now the game is a way for us to still hang out together a little

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Yes, but I just take it with me everywhere.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Some of the warlocks worked out a way to project a likeness of my computer screen onto a writing tablet I carry around – an Eye Pad of Kilrogg, they call it.

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  IT MAKES ME GLAD I STARTED PLAYING THIS GAME

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]:  anyway, I got down there without much trouble

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  The name, I will admit, is inelegant.  I may have marketing give it another pass.

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  EVEN IF I’M STILL KIND OF A NOOB

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered:  What’s da word from Trall?

You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]:  Ji?

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  its ok, sweetie, being a newbie might be a nice change of pace for you

[Guild][Lorthemar]  You know, it’s a funny coincidence, I’m doing some traveling for work as well.

[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin]  I know how dat goes, mon.

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]:  all clear so far

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  LOR’THEMAR

[Officer][Lorthemar]  Yes?

[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin]  Dis game be a way for me ta talk ta people too.

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]:  nobody seems to have noticed anything going on down there

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  oh wow small world

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  -Don’t- say any more about what you’re doing.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Improbable though it would seem, I don’t think she realizes who you really are.

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]:  which is kind of weird, considering it’s been months since they took out the kor’kron occupation

[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin]  Been tryin’ ta not talk too much fa real what wit I got a nasty sore troat dese days, mon.

[Officer][Lorthemar]  Yeah, don’t remind me.  I get that a lot.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Well, yes, there’s that.

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  i hope you feel better, bobby

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered:  While Garrosh still be in Pandaria, Eitrigg be da one mindin’ da store in Orgrimmar

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  But you’re also wasting a potential tactical advantage if you give away too much around her.

[HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] has earned the achievement [Grand Central Station]!

[EdwardBear | Ji] has earned the achievement [Grand Central Station]!

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered:  He be no friend a da changes Malkorok been makin’ in da Kor’kron.

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]:  yeah

[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin]  Hey, grats, mon!

[Officer][Lorthemar]  How do you mean?

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]:  I just wish things would get back to normal again

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]:  or more normal at least

[Guild][Lorthemar]  Congratulations, all!

[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered:  sorry, leslie was running me and puff through an instance

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  THANKS DEAR

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  …Really?

[Officer][Lorthemar]  Really what?

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  my pleasure sweetie =)

[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered:  i didn’t see your tell till just now

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered:  Dey gonna get worse before dey get better, mon.

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]:  yeah

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji]  ty leslie

You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]:  it’s ok

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Has…nobody told you who Proudleslie is?

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  yw eddie

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  I haven’t…

[Officer][Lorthemar]  No, who is she?

[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered:  did you find anything out?

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  OH WOW ONE MORE BUBBLE AND I’LL LEVEL TOO

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  oh boy

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Proudleslie is Jaina Proudmoore.

You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]:  I talked to thrall, yeah

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  next thing u know your going to be all grown up!

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  = )

You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]:  had to be careful not to give away too much

[Officer][Lorthemar]  …

[Officer][Lorthemar]  She’s…she’s…  WHY??

[Officer][Lorthemar]  WHY would we let her be in the guild?

[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered:  what did he say?

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  then i can get you all geared up and ready for big people adventures!

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  Sylvanas convinced Garrosh to let her stay.

[Officer][Lorthemar]  By convincing him we’re living in Upside Down Crazy Land??

You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]:  the easiest place for you to reach the earthen ring is at the twilight citadel

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  I APPRECIATE ALL THE TIME YOU’VE BEEN SPENDING HELPING ME LEVEL

You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]:  most of their heavy hitters are still over at the maelstrom, but they usually don’t let just anyone over there

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  No, Regent-Lord, by pointing out that keeping her close, without her knowing who -we- are, puts us in a position to ply her for information that might be of use to us.

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  how’s that been working out for you, by the way?

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  aww, anything for my baby

[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered:  ok

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Hush now.  It’s an ongoing project.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  At any rate, Lor’themar, please try to be careful what you say

You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]:  so your best bet is to head down to the twilight highlands

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  i kinda like getting to take care of you here after everything you do for me

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  MY PLEASURE, M’LADY

You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]:  they’ve been working on setting up again there since the twilight’s hammer was driven out

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina<3

[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered:  what’s that?

[Officer][Lorthemar]  Ugh, fine.

[Officer][Lorthemar]  This is not good for my rage.

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  aww thats my lil puffy magic dragon  =)

You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]:  what’s what?

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  = )

[Officer][Lorthemar]  And of course Garrosh took the anger management counselor with him to Pandaria.

[Officer][Lorthemar]  To spite me, I’ll bet you anything.

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  plus did i mention you look sexy as a fireman?

[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered:  the twilight’s hammer

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  rawr  ;)

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  To be fair, keeping an anger management specialist close to Garrosh is probably a wise move.

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  she’s kind of got you there

[Officer][Lorthemar]  *looks in guild chat*

You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]  long story

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell]  i wish i could adequately impress upon you the sheer magnitude of the fact that you’re making *me* want to vomit.

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  oh boo prof, havent u ever been in love before

You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]  last year’s bad guys

[Officer][Lorthemar]  I can’t believe this woman is beating me.

[Officer][Lorthemar]  Anyway…

[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered:  oh

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell]  as a matter of fact.

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  what happened?

[Officer][Lorthemar]  Let’s talk about something else before I get too annoyed.

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell]  the scourge.

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  oh  =(

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell]  at any rate, i should log for now, i have some packing to do.

You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]:  i really don’t know if it’s going to accomplish much going to them, though

[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin]  Be seein’ ya, mon!

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  BYE PROF

[Officer][Lorthemar]  Hmm, speaking of which, do you know anything about what’s going on with Faranell?

[ProfHubert | Faranell] has logged off.

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  sorry if i brought up bad memories prof

[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered:  it’s worth a try

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  I was going to ask you, actually.

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  blah missed him

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  All I know is that he’s going to Orgrimmar at the request of your Lady Liadrin.

[Officer][Lorthemar]  That’s all I know as well.

[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered:  if anyone will have any ideas about what happened to mokvar, it would be them

[Officer][Lorthemar]  Liadrin told me she was requesting Faranell from you, but was rather dodgy about details.

[Officer][Lorthemar]  I’d assumed she would have told you more.

You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]:  i hate to say it, but i think we might already know what happened to mokvar

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Not particularly, only that she had need of his alchemical skills for some of her work with the Dalaran refugees.

[Officer][Lorthemar]  Don’t they have apothecaries in Orgrimmar?

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  Tons over in the Valley of Spirits.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  I raised that point myself.  All she would say was that it’s a matter of some delicacy and she would prefer to call on someone she knows.

[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered:  it’s possible mokvar is really gone

[Officer][Lorthemar]  It’s exhausting having our supposed underlings running around on their own like this.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Preaching to the choir, Regent-Lord.

[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered:  if he is, and i go, then he won’t be any more gone, and all i’ll have done is waste some of my own time

[Officer][Lorthemar]  We need better minions.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  We really do.

[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered:  if he’s not, and i don’t go, then it might cost us something more valuable

[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered:  the only mistake would be not to act

[Officer][Lorthemar]  Hmm, guild chat is quiet.

You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]:  believe me, I hope you find something.

You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]:  I’m just trying not to get my hopes up

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Jaina and Kalecgos are probably talking in tells.

[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered:  well either way, i should be back soon

[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered:  i should get going

You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]:  me too

[Officer][Lorthemar]  I wonder what they’re talking about that’s so secret.

[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered:  talk to you soon

You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]:  good luck

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Probably you.

You have logged off.

Divine do-over

Posted in General with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 6, 2013 by Garrosh Hellscream

ishigarroshlak

So I think the internet has decided it doesn’t want me playing Earth Online for the time being.  Spazzle was right – this is what I get for trusting Grizzle Gearslip to set up a stable network.  Remind me to stick with construction and excavation projects for him from now on.

Probably just as well.  I have more important things to be focusing on right now.

First and foremost in the “more important things” file: We’re back in business on the Divine Bell front – and then some.  Courtesy, believe it or not, of some clutch work from one of the blood elves.  I know, right?  I won’t hold it against you if you need to go back and read that again to make sure you got it right.  Anyway – Fanlyr Silverthorn was able to work some Kirin Tor mojo to sneak a Horde operative into Darnassus, where the Divine Bell was being held, then teleported it out to Silvermoon.  That’s right, the night elves worked so hard to get to the Bell before us, tucked it away deep in the heart of their capital city…for like fifteen minutes, before they had it swiped right out from under them.  Oh man, would I love to have seen the looks on their faces when they figured out what happened.

Of course, you would think that this would come across as GOOD news to anyone on the Horde side of the fence, but spirits forbid I should ever have a conversation with Lor’themotherfucker that didn’t involve him crying and moaning and wetting his panties over something.  And let me tell you, he was in fine form this time around.  I could barely even figure out what the fuck he was bitching about, something about his people being put in harm’s way or some such (as if people never, EVER get put in harm’s way in the middle of, you know, A FUCKING WAR), and Jaina being pissed off about something (as if THAT’S ever a bad thing).  Seriously, I don’t know what hair he’s got up his ass, but enough is enough.  Calm down already.  Don’t flip a bench, Lori.

Anyway, I’m having the Divine Bell transported to Pandaria pronto so we can get to work.  We found another ancient mogu structure in Kun-Lai that should make for a good site to conduct the first of what should be many glorious uses of the Bell.  I’m having Malkorok hand-pick some of the very best of his Kor’kron to stand guard and participate in the proceedings.  I’m also having Ishi head up that way to supervise the setup of the Bell and help me with the first trial.  Hopefully, after Burzum went all sha-batty on us, and Krimpatul went MIA with the rest of the…casualties…at the Temple of the Red Crane, and Ishi himself got beaten to the Divine Bell by the damn night elves, well, hopefully I’ll have a blademaster finally do my Mag’har proud and help put a win on the board for us.

Once we tap into the power of the Bell – and by extension, the power of this “sha” magic – we’ll wield a power unlike anything either side has seen in this war.  And unlike the mogu, we won’t be leaving our enemies any room to rise up against us.  Never again.

Spazzle Speaks: The Goblin is Always Greener on the Other Side of Guild Chat

Posted in Spazzle Speaks, Transcripts with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 3, 2013 by Garrosh Hellscream

earthonline10a

After Garrosh put up that guild chat log yesterday, I thought it might be helpful to see things from another perspective…

You have logged on.

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  hi baddie

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell]  check the appendix, then.

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji]  hi mrbadcrumble

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell]  it should be on a right-hand page, under a map if i recall.

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered:  Hey, mon.

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  hey everyone

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Good evening, Spazzle.

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  hey sylvanas

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  ok ok fine, i know better than to argue with you about these things

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]:  hey, how are you feeling?

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  I DONT WANT TO IMAGINE HOW MUCH TIME YOU MUST HAVE SPENT IN LIBRARIES STUDYING THIS STUFF PROF

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered:  Better, mon.

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  should I even ask what they’re arguing about this time?

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell]  if only you knew.

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered:  Chen say pretty soon I be healed up enough ta be back on ma feet an outta dis monastery.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Honestly, I’m not even sure how they got started.

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]:  that’s good

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  ah

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  seriously you must be some kind of master wizard with everything you seem to know

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered:  Can’t happen soon enough, mon – don’ like dis sittin’ around.

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell]  not really.

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  so what are you working on?  are we about to get achievement spammed as usual?

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell]  i’m not particularly powerful as a caster; i just have a good handle on theory.

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]:  yeah but you have to take care of yourself

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  YOU’D PROBABLY BE A GOOD TEACHER THEN

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Nothing imminent.  I’m laying the groundwork for some longer-term projects at the moment.

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered:  Any news from Trall?

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  maybe thats why his name is professor! =)

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell]  meh.

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell]  i think of it more as “professor” in the “mad scientist” sense.

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]:  not last i heard

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell]  which is fitting, considering i spend most of my time in a laboratory developing biochemical agents of mass destruction.

[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] has logged on.

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  haha yea right, your being sarcastic again

You whispered to [LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]:  have you talked to lorthemar?

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered:  When ya see ’im let ’im know I be dere as soon as I can, an den we deal wit’ Garrosh.

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell]  drat, i’ve been caught.

[LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] whispered:  Speak the devil’s name…

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  hi pwn

[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin]  Hey OmgipwneduMon!

[LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] whispered:  Oops, mistell.

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered:  Speak a da devil, mon.

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Hey

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  hey boss

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Greetings, dear Warchief.

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  is your connection any better pwn?

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  I guess we’ll find out in a minute

You whispered to [LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]:  k good

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  lol

[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] has logged off.

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]:  i really don’t like all this sneaking around

[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin]  Haha!

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  omg

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell]  now see, for instance, i can’t work -that- kind of magic.

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell]  i just deploy verbal irony; i can’t conjure it up in actual events.

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered:  Ya won’ need to much longer.

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  i swear i didnt do that!

[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] has logged on.

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered:  Soon we’ll be makin’ our move.

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  UGH

[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin]  Leslie!  Do it again, mon!

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  WB PWN

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  i didnt do anything!

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  I take it your connection is none too improved since last time, Warchief?

[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin]  You put da connection voodoo on him, mon!

You whispered to [Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]:  still using the network grizzle set up for you?

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Yeah, apparently

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Also that Bob guy is rubbing me the wrong way already

[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] whispered:  Yeah

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  On the topic of what you’ve been doing, Leslie, has work continued to be hectic?

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  He’d better watch it before I end up stabbing him in the neck

You whispered to [Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]:  honestly, you might as well hire a couple extra tauren to send up smoke signals for your wifi

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  You were starting to say, but ended up being sidetracked by ProfHubert.

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Speaking of me stabbing people, by the way, did you manage to get Lori straightened out?

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  BTW COULD I GET A GUILD INVITE FOR MY FRIEND

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  sure puff, just whisper me the name

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  ugh not really

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  If you’re referring to leadership of the guild, I think I’ve convinced him to be reasonable and pass it back

[HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] whispered:  HER NAME IS LIVINGREDGIRL

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  He was quite agitated before.

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  You know, not for anything, but didn’t we used to ask people to APPLY to this guild once upon a time?

You whispered to [HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]:  seriously?

[HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] whispered:  ?

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell]  does it really matter?

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  just some office politics i’m trying to stay out of mostly

You whispered to [HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]:  don’t you think that’s going to be a little confusing?

[HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] whispered:  Y

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  I don’t particularly care about his moods

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell]  does anyone in this guild actually do anything other than sit around in guild chat?

[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] has logged off.

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji]  i do!

You whispered to [HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]:  because of how similar that is to LivinDeadGrl?

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  me to!  just got my set bonus last night in fact

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji]  i’m level 52 now!

[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin]  I mostly just hang out here in da capital cities, mon, an’ stir tings up in trade chat!

[HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] whispered:  OH I DIDNT EVEN THINK OF THAT

[Lorthemar] has logged on.

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  grats eddie

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji]  hi lorthemar

[HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] whispered:  SHOULD I GET HER TO REROLL?

[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin]  Somebody gotta be da resident smartass in dis guild, right?

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  hi lor!

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell]  um, i have some bad news for you…

You whispered to [HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]:  no, she already has this toon… I just hope she doesn’t get a lot of mis-tells

[Guild][Lorthemar]  Greetings, all!

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  hey lor

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Hello, Lor’themar.

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  lol

You whispered to [HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]:  I’ll send her an invite

[Officer][Lorthemar]  Hail, Spazzle.  Dark Lady.

[HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] whispered:  TY

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  yea bobby, prof has seniority on you

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell]  if only you knew.

You have invited [LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] to the guild.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Lor’themar, I should probably warn you straight away…

[LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] has joined the guild.

[LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza] has been promoted to the rank Recruit.

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  he spends most of his time in-game making sarcastic comments to people

[Guild][Lorthemar]  Welcome, LivingRedGirl!

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  welcome red!

[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] has logged on.

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  there you go!  welcome to the guild!

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell]  in point of fact, that’s not actually specific to in-game.

[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza]  Thank you all

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  lol

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  wb pwn

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  So as I was saying. I don’t care if Ponytail is happy about it as long as he manages to get his panties unbunched long enough to hand over guild control

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Garrosh was just on and will likely be back momentarily, so please try to humor him.

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered:  Garrosh be runnin’ outta friends fast.

[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] whispered:  Oh and by the way

[Officer][Lorthemar]  Hello, Garrosh…

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Oh drat.  Two seconds too slow hitting return.

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] Oh and LOOK who’s here now

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]:  yeah, but I’m *one* of his friends

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Oh goodness, LivingRedGirl, you look almost just like me!

[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] whispered:  Do you want to explain to me why I never heard a word from you about the whole Mokvar fiasco?

[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza]  Haha looks like it yes

You whispered to [Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]:  um

[Officer][Lorthemar]  Good evening, Warchief.

[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] whispered:  YES UM

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  At any rate, Leslie…

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Yeah, yeah, good evening, good morning, happy new year, whatever

You whispered to [Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]:  I guess I figured you were already getting updates from people more important than me

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  I know office politics can be precarious, Leslie.  I’m not unfamiliar with them myself.

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Are you ready to stop fucking around and put me back in place as guild leader?

You whispered to [Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]:  and I was probably still hoping there would be some explanation for everything

[Officer][Lorthemar]  While I still have my objections to the way you’ve been conducting yourself toward me and my people, Garrosh…

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered:  Ya ever stop ta ask yaself why, mon?

[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] whispered:  At this point I don’t particularly CARE about why

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  mostly just a coworker trying to drag me into his conflicts

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Or am I going to have to smack a bitch up first?

You whispered to [Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]:  look, I understand why you’re doing what you’re doing

[Officer][Lorthemar]  …case in point.

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  The bitch being you, by the way

[Officer][Lorthemar]  *sigh*

[Officer][Lorthemar]  In any case…I don’t want to hurt the guild over our personal squabbles.

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]:  ugh hang on

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Ah, interesting…

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  That’s refreshingly non-suicidal for you, Eyepatch

[Officer][Lorthemar]  So, yes, here.

You whispered to [Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]:  with the mokvar thing

[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] has been promoted to the rank Guild Leader.

You whispered to [Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]:  it’s just hard for me to accept a friend going off the deep end, is all

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  GRATS PWN

[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] has logged off.

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]:  ok that could have been ugly

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Is there anything particular to this conflict your coworker is trying to involve you in, Leslie?

[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin]  Dis is way too entertainin’.

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]:  anyway, like I was saying

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Or is it more along the lines of your typical…in-office sparring?

[Officer][Lorthemar]  I almost feel bad for him.

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  i tried to warn him about getting his network set up

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  1 SEC SHE HAD TO AFK

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  but oh no, he sees a goblin and just figures “catch-all tech genius”

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Ah, I see.  No rush.

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell]  since it appears most of my best sources of entertainment are away or disconnecting, i suppose i should go get some work done

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]:  look, I understand why you’re doing what you’re doing

[Guild][Lorthemar]  Be well, ProfHubert!

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  later prof

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell]  in my absence, bob, feel free to take over as interim satirist

[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin]  Hah, tanks mon.

[Guild][ProfHubert | Faranell]  just try not to stage some kind of sardonic coup while i’m away

[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin]  Haha, no promises, mon.

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji]  bye prof

[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] has logged on.

[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle]  bye prof

[ProfHubert | Faranell] has logged off.

[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin]  Welcome back, mon!  We missed ya!

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  WB AGAIN PWN

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]:  and I’m helping thrall because, well, he’s thrall, and I don’t think it’s right the way the trolls are being treated

[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza]  Welcome back Omgipwnedurface

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  UGH UGH UGH

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  wish I could do something to fix it, chief

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Yeah, I know

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  but I think you may be kind of stuck with it until you get back or orgrimmar

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  In all honesty, Warchief, the fact that you’re having such connection difficulties at the moment may be a reason not to resume control of the guild just yet…

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  I’m not sure there’s much to be gained from a guild leader who’s unable to be online to tend to the responsibilities of leadership.

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]:  but that’s as far as I can go

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Yeah, I hate to say it, but you might have a point

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  And frankly it’s getting way too annoying trying to stay on

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  I can well imagine.

You whispered to [Bob | Vol’jin]:  I won’t stab him in the back

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  So yeah, let me do this

[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] has been promoted to the rank Guild Leader.

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  GRATS MRBADCRUMBLE

[Guild][Bob | Vol’jin]  Hey, grats, mon!

[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza]  Does leadership always change hands so often in the guild

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  whoa seriously?

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  NOT REALLY

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered:  Ya got ta listen to ya conscience, mon.

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  He already has control of the web site and he’s got the best handle on all the nuts and bolts

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  WELL MAYBE LATELY YEAH

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  So just as well to let him mind the shop for now

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  A wise decision, of course, sir.

[Officer][Lorthemar]  Congratulations, Spazzle.

[Bob | Vol’jin] whispered:  I hope it’ll let ya sleep if tings go bad.

[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] whispered:  Also because, even with the Mokvar thing, you’re the only one of these clowns I actually trust

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  thanks lor

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Okay, so…

You whispered to [Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]:  thanks chief

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  I’m going to empty my mail just in case, and then log off here before something else pisses me off

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Of course, sir.

[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] whispered:  And I get why you kept quiet

[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza]  It’s gotten quiet

[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] whispered:  But let me make this clear

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  THAT USUALLY MEANS THE OFFICERS ARE TALKING

[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] whispered:  Mokvar is dead to me

[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza]  Oh

[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] whispered:  And if I ever find out where he’s run off to, he’s a dead man

[Guild][Lorthemar]  I know it can be a bit unnerving.

You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]:  hey

[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] whispered:  Anyway…later

[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered:  hi spazzle

You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]:  you haven’t heard anything from mokvar, have you?

[Guild][Lorthemar]  I wasn’t sure what to make of it myself when I first joined the guild.

[Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] has logged off.

[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza]  Are you new

[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered:  not since he ran off

[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered:  why?

[Guild][Lorthemar]  …

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji]  oh hi lorthemar

[Guild][Lorthemar]  No.

You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]:  this is bad

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji]  did you join recently?

You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]:  this is really bad

[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza]  Me

[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered:  what?

[Guild][Lorthemar]  …

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji]  no, i could swear i’ve seen you before

[Guild][LivingRedGirl | Alexstrasza]  I only just joined a few minutes ago

You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]:  you remember the recall totem I told you about?  the one he left me to hold?

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji]  lorthemar seems new though

[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered:  yes

[Guild][Lorthemar]  I…

[Officer][Livindeadgrl | Sylvanas]  Perhaps you just have one of those faces?

[Guild][Lorthemar]  I believe I need to log off and step away from the game for a bit.

You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]:  the spirit link that a shaman makes with these totems makes them give off a green glow

[Guild][Lorthemar]  It’s not good for my rage.

You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]:  it jsut went out

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji]  i’m sorry if i upset you, lorthemar

[Lorthemar] has logged off.

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji]  oh bother

[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered:  oh

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  back

[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered:  that’s bad?

You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]:  yeah

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  sorry

[Guild][Livindeadgrl | Sylvanas]  Welcome back, Leslie.

[Guild][Livindeadgrl | Sylvanas]  Now where were we?

You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]:  the only reason the totem would go out like that is if mokvar were dead

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  sorry livindead, i cant right now

[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered:  but he can just wake up again, right?  like last time?

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  i just came back to say bye and log

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  theres stuff happening here rl and i need to go

You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]:  no, not like ‘waiting for my ankh to kick in’ dead

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  and so does puffy

You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]:  like for real dead

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  like right now

[HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] has logged off.

[EdwardBear | Ji] whispered:  oh dear

[Guild][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle]  actually i need to run too

You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]:  I need to go

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Is everything all right, Spazzle?

You whispered to [EdwardBear | Ji]:  I have to check on this

[Officer][MrBadCrumble | Spazzle]  no

You have logged off.

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