Archive for dragonmaw

Spazzle Speaks, In Which Ji Stumbles Upon an Unexpected Snack

Posted in Spazzle Speaks with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 22, 2013 by Garrosh Hellscream

orgrimmar19

So, um, did anybody else hear that?

Maybe it was just my imagination.  Weird.

Anyway…updates!

Ji got back from Twilight Highlands today.  He’d taken the suggestion I’d brought back from Thrall and had gone out there to visit Muln Earthfury and the Earthen Ring.  Unfortunately, it didn’t really lead anywhere.  Muln wasn’t able to sense Mokvar through the elements at all, or make contact with Mokvar’s spirit.  That last part is probably the closest thing to good news that came out of the trip, since if they were able to reach out to Mokvar’s spirit, that would be proof positive that he is dead.  I don’t know how much comfort that is, though, since individual spirits aren’t usually in the habit of showing up on demand.  I suppose one of the perks of being dead is getting to decide for yourself when you’re going to clock in.  So, I’m not sure how much comfort there is to be taken there.  You know Ji, though – always the optimist, so he’s already trying to dig up new leads.

Ji managed to get himself in a little trouble while he was out there, too.  On his way back from the Earthen Ring, he flew over the outskirts of Thundermar, where some of the dwarves had some meat hanging outside curing.  I don’t know if Ji just happened to glance in the right direction at the right time, or if he has a really great sense of smell, or if he’s got some kind of special radar like a hunter (Track Edible?), but hoo boy, he didn’t waste any time swooping down for lunch.  Once he landed, he also spotted a couple huge kegs of Wildhammer ale right there, and that was all she wrote.

Of course, the eating and drinking didn’t go on for very long before the Wildhammer dwarves noticed him.  Funny thing, though…at first, the dwarves just figured that Ji was one of the pandaren who’d joined the Alliance, and went over to join him for a drink.  Come to think of it, that is kind of weird that mix-ups like that don’t happen more often – I mean, it’s not like the pandaren on either side all go around wearing t-shirts that say “For the Horde” or “Boy It Sure is Neat Being in the Alliance (The Battle Cries Kinda Suck, but I Got to Punch Varian in the Face!)”.  Go figure.

Anyway, Ji being the unassuming type, he made the mistake of pointing out to the dwarves how nice it was that they were okay sharing their food and ale with him even though he’s in the Horde.  That was right around the point when he found himself being punched repeatedly.

Luckily, some of Warlord Zaela’s Dragonmaw were patrolling around the area, and they were able to bail Ji out and make sure he got home in one piece.  He mentioned that they flew him back to Dragonmaw Port on a proto-drake that they must have brought down from Northrend – sounded like they had a bunch of them, actually – but Zaela didn’t seem to want to talk about them.  I’m not sure if she was just irritated that her people had to stop whatever else they were doing to come rescue Ji, or if she just wasn’t feeling very talkative.  Ji can be a little chatty sometimes.  And he does have kind of a habit of putting his foot in his mouth.  I swear, if he tried his “I bet you can’t keep the men off you” line with Zaela, he should count his lucky space stations she didn’t take his head off right then and there.

Gotta run.  Ji’s coming over for dinner, which means I’ve only got nine hours to get enough stuff put together.  Talk to you all soon.

Krasarang reunions

Posted in General with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 3, 2013 by Garrosh Hellscream

nazgrim_dominationpoint

Construction is coming along quickly here at Domination Point.  That’s what we’re calling the new outpost, by the way – pretty badass, right?  Thought of it myself.  Anyway, we’re making good progress getting the place built.  Warlord Zaela sent some of her Dragonmaw construction crew with us, and as any of you who were there will remember, a couple years ago when the Dragonmaw joined the Horde, they got Dragonmaw Port rebuilt FAST.  As opposed to, say, the goblin contractors who STILL haven’t quite finished the job in Orgrimmar.  Which is really pretty ridiculous at this point.  I mean, can you imagine how embarrassing it’s going to be if Orgrimmar comes under siege, and we STILL haven’t finished fixing the place from the LAST major problem?

So that’s coming along.  While we work on getting the base built and securing the area, I’ve also been keeping Gurtash and the rest of the DPS busy gathering food.  Turns out there’s an island close by that’s practically swarming with these huge cranes that have enough breast meat on them to feed half a regiment.  They’re a little big for the kids, but it’s been good practice for them working as a team.  Also, as part of the Pandaria landing team, I’d brought three of the Mag’har’s best blademasters from Nagrand: Ishi, Burzum, and Krimpatul.  So I’ve been having the three of them take turns going out with the DPS when they go hunting, just to keep an eye on them.  The kids seem to be hitting it off with Krimp especially.  He’s got the gruff lovable mentor thing going for him.  Kind of like me.

In other news, General Nazgrim and his team arrived here today.  Which was a good thing – one, because Nazgrim is always good in a fight, but two, because that gave me a chance to ask some pointed questions based on Krog’s reports on a certain former captive of theirs.

Case in point: How exactly Nazgrim and his crew managed to turn this:

shokiaanduin

…into this:

anduinvarian

The extent of Nazgrim’s response pretty much consisted of “Oh, so, um, you heard about that, huh?”

One other part of Nazgrim’s arrival, though – along with his regular crew like Kiryn and Shokia, he also brought one of those monkey people he’d recruited back in the Jade Forest, a hozen named Tak-Tak who’s going to be helping our flightmaster Kromthar.  And here’s the thing.  This was the first time I’d met a hozen…only it wasn’t.  Some of you might remember – a few months ago, when time was going all wonky and I was flashing into that alternate reality, I met a monkey-like creature, name of Zhi-Zhi.  Who’d been found washed ashore after the destruction of his home in the southern islands.  It was the first time I’d ever seen a creature like him…but he seemed to know a thing or two about me.

And so THAT was the first time I ever met a hozen – only now, those events never happened.  Except I still remember them.  FUCKING TIME TRAVEL.  Head hurts.

So after Nazgrim introduced me to Tak-Tak, I pulled Monkey Boy aside and tried picking his tiny little brain some.  He said most of the mountain hozen up north were pretty hostile, same for the hozen on the islands to the east of here.  According to him, the only hozen who’ve managed to shill at all – and from what I can tell, “chill” would be a VERY relative term – would be the forest hozen where he’d come from.  Most of those, he says, have stayed in villages like Grookin Hill, but some individuals have gone off to live with the pandaren in one place or another.  He rattled off a few places some of them had gone, and most of the names blurred together, but then one stuck out – a place in the Jade Forest called the Tian Monastery.  That one rang a tiny little bell.  When we get a little breathing room, I may need to pay them a visit over that way.

Anyhow, back to work.  I’ll keep you posted on news as it happens, assuming my internet stays up.

Go East, young orc

Posted in General with tags , , , , , , , , , , on April 15, 2012 by Garrosh Hellscream

zeppelins

This might seem a little overdue, but I’ve been thinking lately that after Zaela turned out to be doing…sort of…an iffy job keeping the Dragonmaw on task out there in the Twilight Highlands, it might be a good idea for me to start paying a few inspection visits to some of our outposts out in the Eastern Kingdoms.  Keep the field commanders on their toes, inspire the troops, all that good stuff.

Thing is, though, traveling around most places in the Eastern Kingdoms is seriously a giant pain in the ass.  Okay, we’ve got a convenient portal from Orgrimmar to Dragonmaw Port, but beyond that it gets pretty dicey.  Yeah, I could have mages open portals for me to locations over there, and I’ve been known to do that now and then in emergencies, but see, most of our committed mages here in Orgrimmar are trolls.  When there’s an actual emergency going on, or it’s urgent that I get somewhere quickly for something important, like say that time I had to take the fast track to Krom’gar in Stonetalon, they’re fine…but short of that, half the time they just take it as an occasion to fuck with me.  Portals to the wrong places, or worse yet, they’ll play portal roulette – put up three or four or five portals all right on top of each other, so I’m not sure which one I’m taking until I’ve gone through.  So yeah, it’s an option, but it’s a damn annoying one.

So other than Dragonmaw Port, pretty much anywhere else you wind up having to take a boat or a zeppelin, and I don’t exactly have a great track record with either one of those.  Plus then I have to make arrangements to bring Mortimer out there with me, because let me tell you, the flight path options out there are some slim pickings.  Not a whole lot of wyverns to choose from, and even the ones they have aren’t much of a match for the sturdy Kalimdor stock.  And beyond junior varsity wyverns?  You’ve got giant bats, which are a little short on the steady and a long on the bitey for my tastes.  And I’m sorry, there’s just no fucking way in hell you’re ever going to see me riding around on a dragonhawk.  Not least of all because most of them look like they would snap in two if I ever actually sat on them.

So, point being, if I’m going to take the trouble to go out there at all, I want to make sure I’m making the best possible use of my time.  Since many of you guys are out there fighting the good fight in the outer territories, I figured it might be helpful to check with you first – what regions of the Eastern Kingdoms do you think would benefit most from having me drop in and Warchief it up?

Monday mailbag

Posted in Mailbag with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 20, 2012 by Garrosh Hellscream

mail25

Okay, so finally I can get to normal business like answering my reader mail!  As a matter of fact, there’s a TON of it that’s piled up while I was away, so it’s probably going to take some doing to get through it all.  So here we go…

 

Hail, Acting Warchief!

I look forward to Garrosh’s speedy return. This is a continuation of an earlier question our esteemed Warchief answered for me, that I have discovered new information about.

To recap: I was confused about the use of flags to mark supply drops in Ashenvale, and the capture thereof to interfere with enemy resupply. Originally, my question was how this behavior had spread to the Dragonmaw as well. Recently, I had the opportunity to put the question to a Dragonmaw quartermaster … and the answer is head-slappingly obvious in hindsight.

Twilight Highlands is nowhere near as congested as Ashenvale. But, it is ABSOLUTELY ankle-breaker country. You’re not getting anything in by land. At least, not without losing a lot if it to ambush.

So, yeah. Stealing the enemy’s flags makes excellent sense here, too.

And best wishes for our Warchief’s return to duty. If there is anything this Blood Knight can do to assist, I can be found at the Wayfarer’s Rest in Silvermoon, when I’m not on-call with the Horde Medical Corps.

–A Concerned Citizen

Huh.  Okay, I guess this one was a leftover letter for Saurfang from when he was minding the shop.

Anyway, though, ACC, good to hear from you again.  And yeah, I guess it makes sense that the Dragonmaw would be adopting the same flag-marking methods that we were originally using in Warsong Gulch.  I’m actually kind of relieved that there’s some sense behind what they’re doing, considering how lately the Dragonmaw have been…um…kind of shaky in terms of how on top of things they seem to be.

Don’t get me wrong, I like Zaela and all.  She’s a good warrior.  But you know, there’s a difference between being a good warrior and being a good person to have in charge of things, you know?  And like, with Zaela, sheesh.  Not the brightest bulb.  If there’s a big fight coming, sure thing, I want her fighting on my side.  But if there’s something going on that requires you to have your wits about you, or able to wrap your brain around something bigger than “me see, me smash”?  Yeah, not so much.

 

Greetings again, Your Warchieferousness!

Thank you for your reply re: the housing issue in Orgrimmar. It’s unfortunate that you can’t solve this issue with the same speed with which former acting Warchief Hellscream created it, by unilateral fiat – but then I suppose if he had bothered to investigate before spewing his frankly racist edict we wouldn’t have this problem, would we? I shall, as suggested, look into Razor Hill in the interim.

With regards to to baking, I’m afraid my skills in that area of cooking extend little past spice bread and tasty cupcakes – like many self-employed aggressive problem solvers, my culinary skills revolve around making use of things I slaughter horribly on my travels. Also, as a Knight of the Ebon Blade I bear the “blessing” of the Lich King in the form of an unfortunate addiction to causing pain and suffering … there are ways and means to alleviate it, but you may wish to avoid my cooking.

Regarding the issue of pseudonyms, I think I’ll pass – every second Death Knight Arthas raised during the Battle for Light’s Hope decided that being Joe Smith, formerly of Goldshire, was not sufficiently “grimdark” enough for a soldier in the Lich King’s service, and changed his name to “Darkreaper of the Nightfall” or something similarly pretentious and absurd. Some of them, seeking to emphasize their existence as agents of the Lich King’s will, changed their names to “Arthas”! Not that they can spell it, mind. I suspect the Lich King left them too long before he raised them.

(Koltira “Deathweaver”? Used to be Koltira Twillweaver, of Goldenmist Village. Though he was a pretentious ass then, too.)

Yours,

Twilight Vanquisher Aimee

Knight of the Ebon Blade (still not the cake vendor)

Still the Goblin Frickin’ Slums

The FUCK is this?!  Okay so this is another one for Saurfang I guess, I get that, fine, makes sense he’d have some follow-up mail from the last few weeks…but DUDE!  How much hate mail was he GETTING about me?!  Frankly racist edict by unilateral fiat WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN MEAN!!

But ANYWAY, as far as YOU go, Aimee (OH NO, look out, AIMEE is pissed at me – watch out or she might write an angsty mid-tempo acoustic guitar ballad about me and take me down a few pegs with her bitter understated irony!), you go right on ahead and find yourself a nice comfy place down in Razor Hill.  Keep an eye on the kids down there while you’re at it, that should be a job you can stay on top of no problem.  In the meantime we orcs and tauren will take care of the real job of defending Orgrimmar, Corpsey McBoneyknees.

Anyway, there’s got to be some mail in here somewhere that’s actually for ME…

 

Hi Omgipwnedurface,

Just thought you should know you’ve been kicked from the guild.  You should have been trying to make a good impression if you wanted to pass your trial, but you haven’t given us any reason to keep you.  You didn’t show up for two raids you signed up for and you haven’t logged on for, like, weeks.  It’s really inconsiderate to just disappear without warning and leave us hanging like that.  Would have been nice for you to at least drop us a note before you vanished.

Good luck finding a new guild,

Manageurdeath

Guild Leader

[West Coast Avengers]

THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT?!?!

Okay, okay, so for anyone who’s not connecting the dots yet – this guy is my guild leader (or, well, he WAS my guild leader) from the Earth Online guild I just joined.  Well, the guild I just joined as of like a month ago, right before the whole Alcaz Island deal.  I haven’t logged on since I’ve been back, what with me being a little busy PUTTING MY LIFE BACK IN ORDER, but APPARENTLY I’ve just been kicked out of the guild!

Because yeah, you know what, you’re right, Manageurdeath, that was really inconsiderate for me not to give you guys a heads up that I was going to be away a few weeks DUE TO BEING FUCKING KIDNAPPED!  Oh wait, did I mention the part where I was dragged to a Twilight’s Hammer stronghold where I was going to be used in a fucking BLOODLETTING CEREMONY to have the FUCKING SPIRIT OF CHO’GALL BURN OUT MY SOUL AND TAKE UP RESIDENCE IN MY FUCKING BODY?  Did I mention that part??

You’re right, dude, I TOTALLY should have cleared this with you to make sure it would be adequate justification for me missing out on the fucking Board of Directors raid we had scheduled!

HOLY FUCKING FUCK’S SAKE.

Actually, you know what, hold on.  I need to find Spazzle for a second.  You guys hold tight for a minute.  Here, funny video to kill some time while I’m doing this:

OKAY, so I just tracked down Spazzle and had him trace that e-mail from the guild guy to find out where this fucker is from.  I was expecting him to be from someplace way out in the middle of nowhere, where he’s got nothing to do but play this game and think he’s all hot shit for being the guild leader, because for fuck’s sake guild leaders always seem so fucking full of themselves, but anyway, check THIS out – turns out this guy is logging on from Theramore.

FUCKING THERAMORE.

The guild I was in was being run by some goddamn fucking ALLIANCE, and not even an Alliance from someplace fucking IMPORTANT, no, run by an Alliance stuck out in the run-down town out in the middle of the fucking swamp where there’s nothing for those assholes to do but bang Jaina all day, only THIS fucker doesn’t even seem to be able to pull THAT off seeing as he’s fucking logged onto the game 37 hours a day!

So you know what, I’ll tell you this, Manageurdeath, I don’t know who you are exactly, but I’m going to fucking find out, and WHOEVER you are, mark my words, you have fucked with the WRONG ORC.  Enjoy your little podunk swamp town while you can, because I’m telling you right now, somehow, someday, I am going to open up such a can of fucking DISASTER on that place, you and all your little Jainabanging friends aren’t going to know what even fucking HIT you.  YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

UGH.  Okay, so there’s still a pretty big pile of mail, but I’m in NO mood to deal with any more of this shit today, so I promise I’ll answer as much of it as I can next Monday.  In the meantime, keep it coming.  I’ll talk to you all later when I’m not dreaming dreams of ruins in the fucking swamp.

UGH!!!

Live Blog: Storming the Bastion

Posted in From the Desk of Saurfang with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 17, 2012 by Garrosh Hellscream

bot2

Citizens of the Horde,

I write to you today from our staging ground at the Twilight Citadel.  As you are no doubt aware, as I write these words to you, we are about to launch our incursion into the Bastion of Twilight; once underway, my chirographically proficient aide Mokvar will continue to update this space to keep you all informed of our progress – a process I am told is generally referred to as “live blogging.”  Before passing full control of our communication over to Mokvar, I am taking the liberty here of offering these opening remarks to set the stage, as it were.

I arrived at Twilight Highlands with several Kor’kron detachments late last night, and immediately prepared our forces to move on the Bastion of Twilight.  Zaela offered Dragonmaw support for our operation, even volunteering to accompany us herself; I cordially declined the offer – I believe my exact words were “I think you’ve done enough already, thank you” – and suggested that Zaela and her troops instead stake out the Twilight Citadel perimeter, a baby-steps measure of safeguarding from which she might benefit from practice.

[Never send a Dragonmaw to do a Saurfang’s job.  –Mkvr., ed.]

 

It’s over to me now, by the way, so I guess I don’t really need the usual brackets.  Mokvar here.  I’ll try to keep posting these quickly.  It’s going to depend on what’s going on at the time, obviously, but I’ll try to stay on task.  Hopefully this will go well.

Keep refreshing this page to update – I’ll be continually adding to the post as we go along.

 

8:02 PM - Zoning into the Bastion now.  We’ll see how this goes…

 

8:05 PM – All troops are inside.  Already a bit pecular — there are corpses of a couple of cultists here by the entrance.  They don’t seem like they’ve been dead for very long.  We’re moving in further into the major chamber.

8:08 PM – Well that explains that.  In the big room just inside the Bastion, there were two more dead cultists, then on the far end of the room yet another one dead, along with one live Twilight cultist — in the middle of combat with Garona. She seemed like she was doing fine by herself, but Saurfang and the closest batch of Kor’kron jumped in to help finish the cultist off.  It bears noting — he got the most hilarious look of “Oh, come ON” on his face just before they dropped him.

 

8:10 PM – Also, I just have to ask: don’t these guards look around at all?  That is, sure, the cultists that Garona attacked before we got here were stationed in pairs, but they were also all within eyeshot of each other.  Isn’t it kind of strange that each pair pretty much stood around keeping to themselves while Garona was killing their friends at the other end of the room?  Just sayin’.

 

8:14 PM – Garona says she stealthed ahead to check out more of the Bastion before we got here.  According to her, most of the cultists that are here seem to be clustered near Cho’gall’s old command room — the Throne of the Apocalypse.  She says there were enough there packed close enough together that she didn’t want to risk stealthing in any further.  There weren’t many Twilight’s Hammer people elsewhere in the place, other than these groups of guards near the entrance, so she decided to come back here first to make sure she’d cleared an escape path for herself just in case.

 

8:16 PM – Moving on further now with Garona on board.

 

8:17 PM – Hang on, AFK – combat!!

 

8:20 PM – Sorry, back.

We were about to head down the next hallway, but a portal opened up near the entrance, and about a dozen Twilight cultists came through and came running up on us from behind.  Contrary to what you might think, crazed apocalyptic world-destroying lunatics don’t have the basic manners to lay off the guy in the back who’s just trying to mind his own business and write.

Anyway, Saurfang and the other made pretty short work of them just the same.  I think we’re clear now. 

 

8:21 PM – Spoke too soon.  Another wave coming through the portal!  Stand by.

 

8:22 PM – Seriously, why do these Twilight people always insist on coming at Saurfang in twos?  After all this time, does the word “CLEAVE” really not ring any bells to these people?

 

8:25 PM – Give up your futile struggle, doomed fools!  All is but chaos and darkness!  The Hour of Twilight shall fall, and the sun shall set on your mortal realm!  Accept the inevitable and embrace the end as we have!

 

8:27 PM – Yikes, sorry!  one of those damn cultists freaking mind-controlled me for a minute there!

Funny he would make me write that, though, rather than, say, try to stab somebody.  Then again, I guess even these cultists need an outlet sometimes.  That and they’re insane.

 

8:29 PM – Cultists taken out.  We’ve only lost two Kor’kron so far, so we’re handling them pretty well.  Still, we’re going to hold position here and watch that portal.  That’s two waves of cultists that have come through, so we don’t want to move on right off and be taken by surprise.

 

8:33 PM – Nothing coming from the portal so far.  Saurfang has decided to leave a group here to stand guard while the rest of us use the portal and see what’s going on on the other end, wherever it is.

Saurfang’s also making a big point of us all going through together, and how he doesn’t want to go through, find himself in a room with a hundred cultists, look around, and see he’s all by himself.

I asked if he was worried he would be overwhelmed.

He said no, he just figures that that would give him a huge head start on the scoreboard and he wants to play fair by the rest of us.

Damn I love Saurfang.

 

8:41 PM – We’ve just gone through the portal, and this is a little eerie.  The portal took us all the way to the heart of the Bastion — straight to Cho’gall’s old command room, the Throne of the Apocalypse.  Based on the waves of cultists that were coming through the portal just a few minutes ago, I was expecting us to be swimming in them when we came out on this side, but strangely enough, the throne room is empty.

Empty, and a mess.  The place is still in tatters from Cho’gall’s last battle here.  The huge hole in the floor, leading down to Sinestra’s lair in the Twilight Caverns below, is still there and visible, but it’s been more or less covered by a series of wooden planks and platforms.  All around the room there are different pieces of conjuring paraphenalia, much like the junk the Twilight’s Hammer had down in Ahn’Qiraj, only here it looks to be strewn all over the place, some of it broken.  In the middle of the room there’s a heavy wooden prisoner’s scaffold — broken as well, nearly cracked into splinters in some spots.  There look to be broken chains laying around it on the ground as well.

The biggest eye-catcher, though, is the fact that the room is littered with bodies — cultists of all races, several ettin, a handful of ogres.  Most of the bodies look to be recently dead, many of them still seeping blood across the floor.

We’ve only just had enough time to take all this in, and now we’re hearing some commotion going on a ways down the hall, heading back out from the throne room.  We’re on our way out now.  Stand by.

 

8:44 PM – Just made our way through the Sanctum of the Ascended.  Three more dead ettin here, and no shortage of blodd spattered all around.  We’re still hearing noise from further out, but it sounds like we’re getting closer.

Saurfang and Garona are picking up the pace and growing visibly fired up by all this, and I can’t really blame them, considering the short list of candidates who could have a hand in this much damage…

 

8:46 PM – Heading down into the Twilight Enclave now — this is definitely where the noise is coming from.

 

8:50 PM – HOLY CRAP, they have a gronn!!  (By the way, weren’t there only supposed to be a handful of gronn in existence?  How do these Twilight Highlands cultists keep digging up extras?)  Anyway, this one is pretty much as big as a gronn could get and still fit in here.  It’s blocking the view of the far exit, and it’s got a gang of cultists swarming around it — not swarming like they’re attacking the gronn, but swarming like they’re all on the same side against a shared target, in the doorway.

 

8:53 PM – Okay, time to settle your bets on this one — it’s Garrosh!

Also worth noting that we were finally able to see him in the doorway because he just bladestormed down like half a dozen of the cultists.

And, with a patented “You answer to Saurfang now!” from the overlord, here we go!

 

8:56 PM – Well, here we were going to go.  Just as we were starting to charge in, we suddenly found ourselves rooted in place by some kind of slowing field, then guess who comes swooping in on that freaky wind serpent of hers?  Magatha Grimtotem herself!  (Nerf earthbind totems!)

 

8:59 PM – A large chunk of the cultists broke off to attack our group.  Including, you guessed it, two who ran right at Saurfang.  Together.  Why, seriously, why?

Meanwhile, Magatha’s landed and taken out a glowing, pulsating orb — is that the Doomstone?  She’s chanting something and the orb is glowing brighter.

 

9:02 PM – …Only nobody really noticed that Garona was unaccounted for, and she just popped out of stealth behind Magatha!  Stunlock!  And pissed-off stunlock too, from the looks of it!  Ha!  (Nerf rogues!)

 

9:04 PM – Another bladestorm from Garrosh, and now it’s just down to him and the gronn.  The only other cultists left are the ones busy fighting the Kor’kron…and they could probably be holding their own okay if it weren’t for the old guy cleaving his way through them.

 

9:05 PM – Crap.  Saurfang managed to close in on the gronn to help Garrosh, but the gronn must have heard him coming because it just turned around and hit him with some kind of shockwave effect, which did a knockback on Saurfang and threw straight back into Garona.

 

9:09 PM – Okay, mixed bag here.

The good: Throwing down that shockwave distracted the gronn just enough that Garrosh was able to get a few good hits in on him, and by the time it got its bearing back, it was short…um…an arm.

Now — YEAH! — short a head!

The bad: Saurfang getting flung into Garona kept her from doing her stun-lock thing, so now Magatha is back up and remounted on her blasted wind serpent.

 

9:13 PM – With the gronn dead and the cultists pretty well under control, Magatha tried flying out the doorway away from us — as she swooped by, though, Garrosh managed to leap up and catch the wind serpent’s tail.  Magath kept going and she’s carrying him with her away from the Enclave.  Saurfang and Garona have collected themselves and the bunch of us who aren’t locked down the remaining cultists are heading up after them.

 

9:20 PM – We’ve made it back up to Wyrmbreaker’s Rookery.  Magatha’s wind serpent is zig-zagging around, and it looks kind of shaky so maybe Garrosh has gotten in a few good swings on it while he’s been holding on.  Still, though, between the wind serpent thrashing around and Magatha letting loose some lightning bolts, they just managed to shake Garrosh loose and dropped him on the rookery balcony, overlooking the Highlands.

Magatha pulled away with the wind serpent, but then she just stopped and pulled the Doomstone out again.  I couldn’t hear from here, but she started saying something, maybe another one of her chants, and the stone started glowing insanely brightly in rapid pulses.  Then she hit Garrosh with one more lightning bolt — looks like he just shook that one off mostly — and threw the Doomstone down on the balcony.  It gave off an energy burst when it landed that pushed Garrosh back a few feet.  It’s pulsing faster and brighter now, and giving out a humming that’s getting louder by the second.

 

9:24 PM – Crap, I think Magatha just overcharged the Doomstone!  The pulsing is more like a strobe effect now, and the buzzing noise is going right through my ears.  Magatha’s flown off from the overlook on her wind serpent, but right now I think we’ve got bigger things to worry about — Saurfang just grabbed Garona to pull her back and shoved everyone back from balcony.

 

9:25 PM – Yep, it’s gonna blow!  If I’m still too close give my internet router to Spazzle…

 

9:26 PM – Garrosh jumped!  He just jumped off the balcony to get clear of the blast!

 

9:30 PM – OW, my ears.  And my eyes, too, for that matter.  Wow that was explosion was sensory overload… Going to need a minute to steady myself here…

The explosion pretty much took out the entire balcony…there are chunks of the floor and walls still crumbling and breaking loose…cracks all around the room are going to make the place pretty unstable to move around in.

Saurfang just did a quick head count to make sure the bunch of us were okay.  Garona’s already making her way over toward the ledge to see if there was anything down below for Garrosh to have grabbed on to…

 

9:34 PM – HA!  The wyvern!  Garrosh just came floating on up into view on his wyvern!  It must have been flying around the Bastion and caught him when he jumped off!  See, see, I told him it was a good-looking animal back in Ashenvale, but does anyone listen to me?  Nooo.

Um, I mean, yeah!  Garrosh is safe!

 

9:40 PM – Whew…. Okay, so we’ve gotten the cultists cleaned up, and Garrosh had landed and rejoined us (not too close to the cracked and unstable falling-apart room, mind you).  Saurfang’s in the process of surveying the troops, but just eyeballing it I’d say our casualties were relatively light.  Granted we lost Magatha, and there are still some gaps to fill in about what was going on here, but Garrosh and Saurfang and the rest can worry about that afterward.  For now we’re just concentrating on gathering up and getting ready to bring everyone back home to Orgrimmar.

Stand by a minute, I think Saurfang’s going to want to wrap things up here before we head out.

Also I need to go find some aspirin.

Also Spazzle had better not have made off with my router.

 

Victory is ours, friends!  And so, with Warchief Hellscream returned to us safely, the time has come for me to relinquish the mantle of leadership and return to my post in Northrend.  I wish to thank you all for your support and your courage, and also for continuing to read this space which I have maintained for the Warchief as best I could.  I trust Warchief Hellscream will resume his communication with you in short order, and I am sure he will look forward to hearing from you, his people, as much as you will no doubt look forward to once again benefiting from his sage words.

And with that, people of the Horde, I sign my final note to you.  It has, as always, been an honor to serve with you.

Lok’tar ogar, friends.  Honor go with you all.

 

-Saurfang

Monday mailbag

Posted in Mailbag with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 28, 2011 by Garrosh Hellscream

I’m writing this from Brackenwall Village.  (Thank goodness Spazzle set me up with some kind of why-fly doohicky that lets me still access the blog from out here, because believe you me, the ogres aren’t exactly pimped out when it comes to computer resources.)  I’ve been in Dustwallow for a bit, but so far I haven’t had the chance to get working on the Grimtotem prisoner.  Not long after I arrived, a Grimtotem raiding party attacked the village, so we were pretty busy fighting them off.

(Or, rather, most of the others here were pretty busy standing around watching in awe while I fought them off.  Gotta admit, I do have kind of a thing for killing Grimtotem.)

Anyway, as you might imagine, that didn’t go so well for them.  Still, it ate up a whole lot of time, and right now Dontrag and Utvoch are leading scouting parties to try to track down the survivors.  Once they get back, and Krog and the ogres are done shoring up the defenses (we’re probably going to step up patrols just to be safe), we can get back to work.

In the meantime I figured I could take care of this week’s mailbag.  Just a couple letters this week, but they’re pretty good ones.  The first one, in fact, wasn’t even sent to me directly, but was posted online as a sort of open letter, and I thought it might be fitting for me to offer an open response.  Here’s a short excerpt:

Dear Warchief Hellscream,

On behalf of myself and my co-workers Thathung and Grimful, I, Wabang, would like to announce that we are laying down our axes in peaceful protest, to formally ask you to give us back our former jobs as proud Orgrimmar Auctioneers.

I know when you became Warchief you thought you were doing us a favor by “freeing us” from what you called boring, tedious bookkeeper jobs. We could see how happy you were when you told us that we could finally don our armor and brandish our axes like the proud orc warriors we were, and not be stuck behind a desk any longer.

We appreciate the gesture, Warchief. We really do. It’s just that…well…we kind of liked being Auctioneers.

You may not realize this, but Thathung, Grimful and myself chose to be Auctioneers. We were not forced into it. We all carefully studied and honed our arithmetic to be able to perform an Auctioneer’s speedy calculations, and as you are no doubt aware, private tutoring by the Blood Elves is not cheap. Now that we have lost our jobs as Auctioneers, we can no longer afford to pay our outstanding debts, and the Grand Magister gets rather nasty/polymorphy when he is not paid.

This is just a small snippet of the original letter, which I’d really highly recommend everyone going and reading in full.  In fact, go do that now.  I’ll wait.

You done?  Wait, no?  The hell, dude?  Go read it.

No, seriously.

I’m waiting.

Okay, that’s better.  Now on with business.

And yeah, hoo boy, here we go.  Look, Wabang, I understand that you’re not thrilled with the arrangement.  To tell you the truth, I’m not so happy about it myself.  That is, you’re right on the one hand – all things being equal, I’d rather have orcs like you and Thathung and Grimful fighting like the orcish soldiers that you are, and it DOES make sense to have the goblins tending to things like the auction house and the bank, what with them being a whole lot less useful on the battlefield.  But I also hate to have you guys pushed out of the jobs that you liked.

I’m not going to try to hide behind it being some deal we cut.  Sure, Thrall was the one who made arrangements with Gallywix to bring the Bilgewater Cartel into the Horde, but first of all, he didn’t make him any special promises as far as jobs or privileges the goblins would be getting, and second and more importantly, really, even if he did, I wouldn’t give two shits about pissing off Gallywix.  It’s fucking GALLYWIX, for fuck’s sake – if anything the thought of annoying him is a bonus.

So here’s what it comes down to: right now in Orgrimmar, we’ve got way more people than we have jobs to keep them occupied.  The sudden influx of goblins didn’t help matters.  People like to give me grief over the slums that we’ve got in Orgrimmar right now, but contrary to what they might tell you, that wasn’t by design.  It’s just reality – after the Cataclysm, frankly, we only had so many resources to do so much rebuilding, and some part of town was going to end up getting the short end of the stick.  And when it came time to divvy up the areas, yeah, the least desirable part of town got left to the latest arrivals.  Well, them and the trolls.  But I don’t need to go on about them.  (Side note: if the goblins and trolls are going to complain about their slum, have them take a look over in the Valley of Wisdom.  Not my fault if the tauren in Thunder Bluff were willing to send their people extra resources to pretty the place up.)

But more to the point…here were the goblins, stuck in the low-rent district without much in the way of belongings, and pretty much no jobs to do.  The one thing they’re good at collectively is business.  So into the auction house and bank they went…thing is, though, those auctioneers aren’t really raking it in as much as you might think.  Because they’re actually not working just for themselves.  That was part of their contract, in fact.  They’re actually in there working, pretty much, on behalf of the majority of the goblins over in the slums.  Whatever they’re making is getting channeled back over to that part of town to keep the whole cartel stocked with whatever they need.  And don’t think for a minute that it doesn’t pain the goblins to have to keep their heads above water through a system that you could pretty reasonably describe as “redistribution of wealth.”

And here’s the ugly truth of it, too, Wabang.  The goblins as a group needed something.  But just as important…you guys CAN do something else.  Frankly, they can’t.  So – as I’m sure you’ll appreciate given your training – it really just comes down to the math.

Here’s one other thing, too.  While hiring the goblins to run the auction house makes sense in some ways, I have to admit I still don’t trust them entirely.  Not least of all because of Gallywix, but I mean, also, come on, they’re goblins.  (I don’t want to be getting any texts over that one, Spazzle.)  And along those lines…I do think that you might have taken your assignment a little too much at face value.  I mean…when I told you I wanted you to keep an eye on the auction house, Wabang, yeah, you were being assigned to stand guard…but like…I also want you to keep an eye on it, if you see what I mean.  Because…you know…just sayin’…if someone were to catch the goblins doing something sketchy, skimming money off the top that they’re not supposed to, pulling a fast one on some of the higher-priced Firelands loot…well, believe you me, I wouldn’t be reluctant at all to reevaluate the current staffing situation.

Now, who would I put in charge of watching out for stuff like that?  Spirits know I wouldn’t be able to catch something like that – have you seen the attic in Grommash Hold?  I can barely keep my own junk organized.  So what would we need to catch any shady business?  Hmm, well, someone with an extensive mathematical background, a sharp financial mind, someone who already knows the ins and outs of a pretty complicated system so they can spot abuses and loopholes…but if I were going to give someone a job like that, I couldn’t be obvious about it.  Say what you want about the goblins, but they’re not idiots.  If I stick a bookkeeper right next to them and tell them they’re going to be having their every move watched, they’re sure as hell going to make sure that they either don’t do anything sketchy at all, or they go to MUCH greater lengths to keep it covered.  So the way to do it would be to plant someone with the appropriate skills nearby, keep them in a position to keep a close watch, but in a role that would still make sense for them (say, I don’t know, an orcish grunt) in an assignment that would be justified (like, oh what the hell, an armed guard watching over a room full of valuables).

Just food for thought, Wabang.  Hang in there and we’ll see what else we can do to help make life a little smoother for you guys.

 

Hail, Warchief!

During my tours of duty with the Horde Medical Corps, I have noticed some … puzzling behavior. Something just isn’t quite right with the Warsong Clan.

I understand what the Frostwolves are all about: kicking Dwarf butt from one end of the valley to the other, then showing them the exit. And I understand what the Defilers are up to: capturing resources for our use, and/or denying them to the Alliance. (Either one works.) I get what the Kor’Kron are doing on the Isle of Conquest. Most of our field armies have sensible, understandable goals.

Then, I arrive at Warsong Gulch.

I follow a couple of Horde soldiers, and we infiltrate the Sentinels’ stronghold. We make our way to the center, I’m thinking to take out their commander. But no, they snatch the flag, and bolt. We promptly retire to Warsong Hold, and then one of them taunts the Silverwing from our parapets.

It was about this time that I realized that the Silverwing were trying to do exactly the same thing to us.

No one was gathering resources, or preventing the enemy from doing the same. No one was trying to interfere with the enemy’s command and control. Seemingly, it was all about grabbing flags and talking smack.

Ordinarily I wouldn’t care. But now they’ve got the Dragonmaw doing it, too. Have they both gone nuts? Or am I missing something obvious?

–A Concerned Citizen

See, ACC, this is what happens when people totally lose sight of their history.  The whole flag-capturing deal in Warsong Gulch actually did make sense once upon a time, but after a few years, and some serious turnover in the personnel there (on both sides, apparently), it seems like nobody remembers the point of it all.  This is actually a classic case of what happens when people blindly go through the motions without bothering to learn the reasons why.

So, a teachable moment from Garrosh!  Lucky you!

So okay.  Once upon a time, when Grommash was chieftain of the Warsong Clan, and Horde and Alliance were both going balls-to-the-wall to try to gain control of Ashenvale and its resources, both sides would have regular air drops of supplies.  Armaments, explosives, rations, everything.  Sometimes even heavy equipment, as we started to become able to bring in zeppelins for supply runs.  With the airships we have these days, I’m sure you can see the possibilities.

Anyway, though, if you’ve ever flown over Ashenvale, you also know how bloody impossible is can be to see where anything is down there.  It’s nothing but dense forest as far as you can see in every direction (dense forest that’s been fucking dipped in glitter, no less), and even in the areas that have been cleared out, there’s still a lot of visual interference that would make it hard to target those air drops properly.  So way back in the beginning, both sides would use flags to mark the drop sites for their couriers.  One side or the other would have a spot marked, wyverns or hippogryphs would fly on in, spot the flag, drop the goods, boom.  With all the back and forth between the two battling sides, too, the flag system just made more sense, because by the time the supplies were airborne, the battle lines could have shifted, one side or the other could have lost control of one of their bases…it just made sense as a way of signaling where a secure spot would be.

Somewhere in the middle of all this, someone had the bright idea that hey, if we could go steal one of the Silverwing’s flags, we could stop them from getting the supplies they need.  What’s more, if we bring THEIR flag back over to an area that WE control, we could trick the Alliance couriers into delivering their supplies to US instead!  So, double win!  So from that point, the Warsong Outrunners would launch regular raids to try to steal the Silverwing flags.  Eventually, the Silverwing caught on and started doing the same.  At that point, it became a much bigger deal to keep control of our own flag, too – there’s not much benefit in stealing their flag to get their supplies, after all, if they’ve gotten our flag to steal OUR supplies, right?  That’s just a wash.  Hell, it might even be a loss – whose supplies do you think are going to be better, theirs or ours?  Horde pride, bitches!  Lok’tar!

So all of this actually made sense.  But apparently, somewhere along the line, both sides started losing sight of the actual reason behind the strategy, and just started fixating on the flag-stealing thing.  Which…is really kind of sad, when you think of it.  I might have to look into assigning some new leadership up there, so our forces can actually have some remote fucking notion of what they’re doing again.

As for the Dragonmaw…you’ve got me.  I might have to take this up with Warlord Zaela again.  (Even money on whether she’ll use the occasion to start flirting with me again.  Which I’m sure will set off a whole other mailbag.)

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