Archive for December, 2012

Spazzle Speaks: Here We Go Again

Posted in Spazzle Speaks with tags , , , , , on December 30, 2012 by Garrosh Hellscream

org8

Hi, everyone.  Spazzle again.  Still no word from Garrosh, but hopefully his voyage to Pandaria is going okay.  For all we know, he might be there and just having trouble getting his internet going.  Or he has his internet up and working fine, and he forgot how to turn his computer on.  Again.

Mokvar got back to Orgrimmar today after his trip to Winterspring with Ji.  I’m not sure what’s going on with him, but I’m getting kind of worried.  When he and Ji got back, they were both fairly bruised and singed — nothing too severe, but they had obviously been in a fight.  The weird part is that neither of them seemed willing to talk about what happened.  I tried asking about it, but they were both really evasive.  I really don’t understand why.

Things haven’t gotten any better since they’ve been back in Orgrimmar.  I talked to Krog a little while ago.  You might remember, before Garrosh left he asked Krog to conduct his own investigation of the attack where Mokvar was unsuccessfully killed (and how’s that for a weirdly accurate turn of phrase?).  Well, Krog was over at Mokvar’s place earlier, and intercepted another attack.  Another shadowy figure cloaked in darkness, only this time, instead of poofing away to nowhere when the fight started to go badly, it hung in there until it…well…not poofed away, but sort of fizzled out into nothing.  Sort of the way a ghost would.

Still no explanation of who this is or where they’ve come from, or how this time they were able to get into Mokvar’s house even with a Kor’kron guard standing watch outside, but I’m glad we’ve got Krog working on this.  I don’t know how much I trust Malkorok’s people these days.  I’ll try to keep everyone posted if we find anything new.

 

 

[Header image provided by Khizzara from Blog of the Treant, used here with permission and many thanks.]

Spazzle Speaks: Guild Chat Edition

Posted in Spazzle Speaks, Transcripts with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 28, 2012 by Garrosh Hellscream

earthonline3

Hi, everyone.  Spazzle here.  Since Mokvar and I will be sharing blogging duties with Garrosh on his way to Pandaria, I’m taking my turn today updating everyone on what’s going on in Orgrimmar.

And/or Earth:

 

You have logged on.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Are you sure you’re not Utvoch, Dontrag?

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  no i’m dontrag

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch]  i could swear we’ve talked about this before

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Because I feel fairly sure that you’re Dontrag, Utvoch.

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Hey, Spaz.

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  again?

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  really?

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  hey

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  I know, I know, but honestly, it just never gets old!  ^_^

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  i really dont think so

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch]  i’m utvoch, he’s dontrag

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Perhaps we should refer to a third party to resolve the disagreement?  Who is your commanding officer over in Kalimdor?

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  cliffwalker

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch]  overlord cliffwalker

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Perhaps you should speak to him and ask him to confirm which of you is which.

[EdwardBear | Ji] has logged on.

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch]  huh maybe

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  we dont need to do that, he’s jsut going to say what we’re telling you now

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  no not maybe ut UGH

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Hey Ji

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Well you won’t know until you ask him, now will you?

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji]  hi mokvar

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch]  you know maybe she has a point

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch]  i’ll go find him

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  no ut u idiot dont listen to her

[SteveKravitz | Utvoch] has logged off.

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  oh dammit

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji]  feeling ok?

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Yeah, I’m fine.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Personally, that only supports my original point.

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  what does

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar]  You are having entirely too much fun with this.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  That he left to find Overlord Cliffwalker just now.

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  y

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  I really am.  ^_^

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Oh, watch this.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  b

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  what does b mean

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  I believe B is the second letter of the alphabet.

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji]  by the way, has garona been on lately?

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Although, since Mokvar is the scribe here, perhaps you should confirm with him.

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji]  i got one of those rooster pets she was trying to farm

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  no i know its a letter

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Huzzah, the spirit of literacy liveth!

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  what spirit

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  like a ghost or something

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  she IS the banshee queen

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  maybe it’s someone over in the undercity

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Well well look at our quiet little webmaster coming out of his shell!  ^_^

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle;)

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Well I’ll see you and raise you…

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Edward, I don’t remember seeing Garona on for a couple days

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  It’s actually the nickname of the phantasm who’s our assistant inscription trainer here.

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  She might just be logging on at odd hours.

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  maybe garrosh should have had them come audition for the temp scribe job

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Oooh, trumped by the goblin!

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  i’m confused

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  And all is right with the world.

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  I’m showing nightengayle’s last login four days ago

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  um ok

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  no but like

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  ya i know b is a letter

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  but what did u say it for?

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Well, you said “y”.

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  um ok

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  You did.  You can scroll up and check if you don’t believe me.

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji]  oh ok … well hopefully i’ll catch her on soon to give it to her

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar]  I will bet you 1000 gold he’s scrolling up right now.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  I said it supported my point that Dontrag left to go talk to Overlord Cliffwalker, and you said “y”.

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  ya ok i see that

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  And so I said “b”.

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  ya but how come?

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Well, I just assumed we were typing random letters.  Is that not how this works?

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  oh

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  no that was y like in why

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Oh.  Are your “w” and “h” keys not working?

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Maybe Spazzle could have a look at them for you.

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Ed, you could always just mail it to her for whenever she logs on, that was you don’t have to be watching for her.

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  no my keyboard is ok

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  it saves time

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Oh, were you in a hurry?

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Are you going somewhere?

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  To go find Overlord Cliffwalker, perhaps?

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji]  oh wow really?

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji]  there’s mail?

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Do you craft this stuff beforehand or are you just making it up on the fly?

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Because honestly, I’m not sure which one would make you more of a genius.

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Um

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  yeah ed – you never noticed the post offices in each city?

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Yeah there is.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  What’s sad is that there’s actually a whole extra layer to this that he’s never going to get to on his own.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Oh… oh wow.

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  no its just faster

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  haha yea

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar]  I mean, granted he’s very new to the game.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  That poor, poor, adorably clueless little bear…

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji]  i guess i never looked inside those to see what they were for

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Ah, I see.  Hurry up and wait.

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  wait for what?

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  yea but he’s level 27

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Yeah, Ed, if you go in there you can send things to other people in-game.

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Just like in real life, only it takes a couple days rather than an hour to deliver, for some reason.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Perhaps for Dontrag to return and confirm that it is in fact you who is Utvoch.

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  i’m not utvoch

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  So you say.

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  ya so i say cuz i am

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  i mean i’m not

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  not utvoch

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  I’ll go ahead and nudge him through; I don’t want to leave this other part on the shelf, and he’s never going to get to it by himself.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  But as I was saying, the fact that Dontrag went to talk to Overlord Cliffwalker just confirms that I’m right.

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  y

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  q

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji]  g

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  w

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  i mean why

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag] hey are u guys messing with me now

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  y would you think that?

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Because, between Dontrag and Utvoch, Dontrag has always been the more circumspect, so if one of you were going to make the effort to seek confirmation on this question, it would be Dontrag.

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  but i’m dontrag

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Then why aren’t you checking on this with Overlord Cliffwalker?

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  If you -are- Dontrag, let me say in no uncertain terms, you’re being out-Dontragged.

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  ok fine then

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  i’ll go ask him

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  and watch what he says

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji]  by the way, mokvar, did you still want to leave this afternoon

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  I only wish I could be there with you when you ask him.

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  ya me too

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  anyway whatever

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  If that works for you, Ed, sure.

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  be back later

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  where are you guys going?

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Goodbye, Utvoch.

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  later ut

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  no

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  See you later, Utvoch.

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  ugh

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  fuck it

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji]  we’re going to take a trip to winterspring, spazzle

[GilbertRose | Dontrag] has logged off.

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  what are you going to be doing up there?

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Not for anything, but we probably want to be more careful about using real names in guild chat anyway.

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar]  You know, in case you-know-whos 1 or 2 come on.

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji]  there’s a place called timbermaw hold

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji]  mokvar says there’s a race there that seems similar to the pandaren

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  I don’t know if it’s a case of “or”

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  I don’t think I’ve ever seen just one of them on

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji]  so he’s taking me to visit so i can see if we might have some common ancestry

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  oh yeah, the furbolg

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  True, Mokvar, although everyone seems to be fairly aware of it when Jaina and Kalecgos are around.

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Oh, so they’re one of THOSE couples…

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji]  come to think of it

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji]  would you like to come?

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji]  i think we’re stopping at a goblin town on the way, aren’t we, mokvar?

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Everlook, yeah.

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji]  so you know them up there, spazzle?

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  oh so all us goblins must know each other huh?

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  kinda racist

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji]  um

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji]  i mean

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  kidding

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji]  oh

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji]  whew

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Someone’s feeling lively today.

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  I’m sure Spazzle’s got his own stuff to do anyway, Ed.

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  kind of a shame garrosh is missing out on the trip to timbermaw hold, though

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  because of the archbishop thing

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Oh yeah, that’s right.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Pardon?

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  There’s some little-known technicality with the Timbermaw furbolgs.

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  whoever’s warchief, they consider an archbishop

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  I’m…fairly sure I’m better off not knowing how that happened.

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  so yeah, he probably would have wanted to go

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Still, just as well I suppose.

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Although it IS kind of a shame we have to miss seeing him in the funny hat.

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  speaking of which, has anyone heard anything from garrosh yet?

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Not me.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Nor I.  I would imagine he’s still in transit.

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar]  They were saying a couple days’ trip, but I got the sense they were being optimistic about the weather.

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  ah ok

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Let me check something, actually.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  I will say, it’s been much quieter in guild chat since he’s been away.

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Ed, when you came up from Pandaria, how long did the flight take?

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  With a precipitous decrease in the amount of typing in caps.

[HonaleePuff | Kalecgos] has logged on.

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji]  hi puff

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  And as if in response.  Well played, universe.

[Proudleslie | Jaina] has logged on.

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji]  bartleby, it was a little under two days

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  hey honaleepuff

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  hey leslie

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  HELLO EVERYONE

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Ah, okay.  And that was flying.  By sea would be longer, I would figure.

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  hi mbc

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Greetings, you two.  Your logins are getting more and more tightly timed.

[Guild][HonaleePuff | Kalecgos]  WE HAVE OUR COMPUTERS SET UP IN THE SAME ROOM NOW

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  flying from where?

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  How charmingly codependent.

[Guild][EdwardBear | Ji]  pandaria

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  we were just trying to ballpark how long it takes to get there

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  oh wow small world

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  my friend is on his way there now

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Oh really, Leslie?  Business or pleasure?

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  business mostly lol

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  his son is down there too though so i guess he’s looking forward to meeting up

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  uh oh

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  am i guessing right?

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Yeah.  And…oh no.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  How interesting, Leslie.  What’s his son doing down there, if I might inquire?  And whereabouts, as far as you’re aware?

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  i’m not sure really

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  last i heard he was trying to work on his studies with some of the locals

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  How industrious.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  I’m sure there’s much for him to learn there.

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  lol if he doesnt get himself in to much trouble

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Oh, what could he do there to get into trouble?

[Guild][Proudleslie | Jaina]  hehe

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  anyway i get the feeling garrosh is going to want me doing some e-sleuthing when he hears about this

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  so i should get start working on something i can tell him

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  No, really.  Do you have any thoughts on possible examples?  I’m just curious about such things.

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar]  See you later, Spaz.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  For my nephew, that is.

You have logged off.

 

Sure, fine, as far as informational blog posts go, this is kind of cheating.  At least I’m not subjecting everyone to bad poetry!

Guest Post: Furtive Father Winter

Posted in General, Words from a Scribe with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 26, 2012 by Garrosh Hellscream

orgwreath

[Special guest post today, as part of Blog Azeroth's Furtive Father Winter gift exchange.  Today's post was provided by Akabeko of Red Cow Rise -- many thanks!  I'll be back with a final note from Mokvar after Akabeko's gem.  So now, without further ado...]

———

(On the Feast of Winter Veil, a grunt brings a brightly-wrapped box to the Warchief’s quarters. Inside are several letters, cards, and small gifts. A simple note is left on top of the whole festive affair.)

“Hey, Warchief. Do not open until Winter Veil! I rounded up all the gifts that arrived for you and put them together for easy transport on your trip. Happy Holidays. –Mokvar.”

On the back of the note, a card for one-month’s worth of Earth Online game time has been attached, with a note saying, “For when you find a stable wifi connection in Pandaria!”

The first card is printed on very thick, expensive paper and depicts the ruins of Lordaeron blanketed in snow. Somehow, this makes them look even bleaker and more terrifying, rather than peaceful. Inside, the card reads, “A very merry Feast of Winter Veil to my favorite Warchief. I wish you success in your siege of Pandaria and a Happy New Year.” It’s signed with an elaborate, flowing, nearly illegible “Sylvanas Windrunner.” The small package is wrapped in black paper and contains a miniature model of a plague thrower.

The next card is written in strong letters. The outside shows Greatfather Winter astride a comically large horse. Inside, it is in Common rather than Orcish. “Warchief Hellscream, I wish you an illustrious Winter Veil and a bright New Year. May fortune favor you in whichever endeavors you choose to undertake. May you be showered with the brightest of blessings and-“ (here, the handwriting appears to have been cut off, and finishes reluctantly) “-happy holidays from Tirion Fordring.” Below this, a different hand has written “and Eitrigg.”

Next is a postcard. One side has a standard greeting: “Happy Holidays!” in gold script. The back says, “…from Anger Management!” It has been signed by those who have attended sessions with the Warchief. Mylune has drawn tiny pawprints around her name.

On the next envelope, Mokvar has added a sticky note that says, “There wasn’t a return address on this one, so I’m not sure who it’s from! Maybe you’ll figure it out from the handwriting?” Inside is a card depicting the Silvermoon coat of arms. The note simply reads, “Merry Feast of Winter Veil from LOR’THEMAR THERON, REGENT LORD OF QUEL’THALAS.” There is also a small parchment with a sketch of his noble visage, just in case.

Below this is a handmade card from Garona. In fairly passable calligraphy, she has written “Happy Holidays, honorable Warchief.” There are faint smudges where the words “Let’s have dinner” have been erased. There is also a package wrapped in shiny red paper which contains a pair of soft wool fingerless gloves. Who knew Garona was so good with crafts?

The next card is smudged and crinkled. An unsteady hand has written “Merry Happy Winter Veil.” Below this are two messy signatures that might say “Dontrag” and “Utvoch.” It may have been written in crayon.

The final card bears the Alliance crest. The inside reads,

“Happy Holidays
From a superior king
Oh – FUCK YOU GARROSH”

———

Postscript from Mokvar:

I didn’t mention any of this when I originally delivered it to Garrosh a few days ago, just becuase…well…after he saw that last one, it seemed like a good idea to wait a little while till after he’d left town before anyone brought it up again.  When I was assembling the package, I remember giving Ben-Lin Cloudstider, the anger management counselor, a peek at the card from Varian there…and her replying, “I see.  I will clear my calendar for the next few weeks, then.”

Words from a Scribe

Posted in Transcripts, Words from a Scribe with tags , , , , on December 24, 2012 by Garrosh Hellscream

orgrimmar10

Hey, everyone.  This is Mokvar guest posting for Garrosh.  While the Warchief is traveling to Pandaria, Spazzle and I are going to be sharing blogging duties here.  Even though I know I’ve written a lot of material that’s been posted in the form of transcripts, I’ll admit it feels a bit odd to be speaking to you directly like this.  I suppose I’ll get used to it soon enough.

Since my premature brush with mortality last week, I’ve been resting at home mostly, although generally I think people have been acting a little overprotective – at least in terms of how much recovery time I need.  It’s nice that they’re concerned, I suppose, but I don’t think anyone likes being treated like the orcish equivalent of a walking, breathing porcelain vase.  Honestly, I’m a shaman, and before that I was a warlock.  It was one death.  We walk these things off.

I’m not going to write too much today, but I did have one item that I wanted to share.  In his last post, Garrosh mentioned that Saurfang had paid him a visit after he’d sent a request to borrow the services of the High Overlord’s personal scribe.  As it happens, since Saurfang did bring his scribe (Adelene Sunlace) with him, there was a record of the visit.  I managed to get a copy from Adelene.  (Scribe solidarity, yo!)  (Okay, I won’t do that again.)

Here it is.  Consider it a Winter Veil present.  You’ll see why.

 

Scene: Grommash Hold, Orgrimmar

[HIGH OVERLORD VAROK SAURFANG enters, accompanied by scribe ADELENE SUNLACE.  Awaiting them in the war room are WARCHIEF GARROSH HELLSCREAM, EITRIGG, and MALKOROK.]

GARROSH

Morning, Saurfang.

EITRIGG

Welcome back to Orgrimmar, High Overlord.

SAURFANG

Warchief.  Eitrigg, a pleasure to see you again, as always.

GARROSH

I was surprised to hear you were coming down personally, Saurfang.

SAURFANG

As was I by your message, Warchief.

GARROSH

Well, yeah, nobody really saw the thing with Mokvar coming.

SAURFANG

No, Warchief, that’s not what I mean.

GARROSH

Huh.  What then?

SAURFANG

It occurs to me that your message was the first I’ve heard from you since our last…disagreement.  Curious that I would only now hear from the Warchief when he has need of a scribe.

GARROSH

Well, honestly, Saurfang, up until now there hasn’t been much reason for me to contact you.

SAURFANG

Indeed, Warchief?  No need to coordinate with me for any Kor’kron operations here at home?

MALKOROK

Kor’kron operations are well under control, Overlord, and don’t need any further coordination from—

[Saurfang, without taking his gaze off of Garrosh, silences Malkorok with a raised hand in his direction.]

SAURFANG

Warchief?  Who.  Is this person.  Who presumes to speak to me as if I require his input?

MALKOROK

I’ll have you know, old man, I—

[Saurfang cuts Malkorok off mid-sentence by grabbing him by the throat and lifting him off the ground.]

SAURFANG

[Still not looking at Malkorok.]

Pardon me.  I was talking about you, not to you.

[Tosses Malkorok awkwardly to the ground.]

Hush now, boy.

GARROSH

Saurfang, this is Malkorok, one of my advisors.  He’s been taking over the hands-on management of the Kor’kron since you’ve been holding down the fort in Northrend.

SAURFANG

Has he now.  Curious that I had asked about just such a development when last I came to speak with you, only to be assured it was preposterous.

[Stares at Garrosh for a moment.]

More curious still that I would only now be learning of this…reassignment of the Guard.

MALKOROK

My Kor’kron have been—

SAURFANG

[Shoots an icy glare at Malkorok.]

Your.  Kor’kron?

[Looks back to Garrosh.]

Although I suppose they are “his” Kor’kron now; I noticed even on my way here several wearing the uniform whom I had no hand in training.

MALKOROK

The needs of the Horde now call for a new and better—

SAURFANG

Boy, I was training soldiers when you were not yet a glimmer in your mother’s eye or a regret in your father’s hung-over recollection, and I would advise you to bite your tongue while you still have it.

MALKOROK

I don’t have to stand for this insolence, old man!  Mak’gor—

[Malkorok draws one of his axes and leaps at Saurfang; still staring down Garrosh, Saurfang intercepts Malkorok’s weapon hand at the wrist and twists it back with an audible crack.  He releases Malkorok’s wrist, then immediately grabs him by the back of his head and slams him face-first to the floor.]

AAAAH!

SAURFANG

Then by all means, don’t stand.

GARROSH

Enough, Saurfang.  The Kor’kron have been reassigned.  You have your duties in Northrend.  Tend to them, and we’ll tend to our work here in Orgrimmar.

SAURFANG

I’m curious, Warchief…

GARROSH

You’re curious about a lot of things today.

SAURFANG

Yes indeed.

[Glances down at Malkorok, then back to Garrosh.]

What hold does he have on you?

GARROSH

Excuse me?

SAURFANG

What influence has this…orc won, that he has swayed command of the Kor’kron to himself over me?  That he has won your ear, over Eitrigg?

GARROSH

Malkorok understands, Saurfang.  Understands the Horde as it is today, and what’s needed to secure its future.  As opposed to…others, who dwell in the past.

SAURFANG

I remember our past.  And I do not do so to dwell in it, Warchief, but to hold it at arm’s length, so as not to repeat it.

GARROSH

I heard this song and dance a dozen times over in Northrend, Saurfang.

SAURFANG

That only means you gave me a dozen occasions to repeat it, Warchief.

GARROSH

Well are we done now?  Because I’m getting tired of listening to it.

SAURFANG

[Chuckles grimly.]

Listening.  Yes, I think we are.

[Saurfang turns and walks toward the door.  Just before reaching it, he stops and turns his head, not quite looking back over his shoulder.]

One last point of curiosity, Warchief.  The mana bomb that was used in the attack on Theramore.  How did you happen upon a power source for it?

GARROSH

I don’t think that’s any of your concern, Saurfang.

SAURFANG

Yes, I suppose such strategic matters need to be kept between the Warchief and the commander of the Kor’kron Guard.

[Starts to walk out the door.]

Be well, Eitrigg.  Honor go with you.

GARROSH

Hey!

[Saurfang stops in the doorway.]

SAURFANG

Yes, Warchief?

GARROSH

So are you loaning me your scribe or not?

SAURFANG

[Sighs.]

Miss Sunlace, come along, please.

[Saurfang exits.]

GARROSH

Geez, is it me, or is he getting more ornery with old age?

MALKOROK

[Still sprawled out on the floor.]

He does seem a bit ill-tempered, yes sir.

 

And to all a good night.

 

"Don't make me come over there again, Malcoldcock."

“Don’t make me come over there again, Malcoldcock.  I will keep them busy scraping you off the floor until the Lunar Festival.”

Last-minute housekeeping

Posted in General with tags , , , , , , , , , , on December 22, 2012 by Garrosh Hellscream

orgrimmar9

A bunch of odds and ends to go over, because guess what, people — it’s finally go time.  By the time you read this, I’ll be on my way to Pandaria.  The voyage will take a few days provided the weather is cooperative, and then the Dominance Offensive will be under way.  That’s the name I came up with for this operation, by the way.  Pretty badass, huh?

We’ve got a pretty large fleet taking the trip, with another batch of ships that will be joining us from the Eastern Kingdoms — not only is Regent-Lord Ponytail sending a bunch of researchers from the Reliquary, not only is he assigning a pretty large contingent of Blood Knights and Farstriders (whatever the hell THOSE are) to join the force, but he’s even planning to take the trip himself to supervise his crew on whatever tasks I end up giving them.

I also decided that my group of trainees have been coming along so well that they’ve earned themselves a little field trip.  This will give Gurtash and the rest of the DPS the chance to watch some of the big boys in action, continue their training with me, and maybe even take on a few small missions of their own, depending on what we run into down there.

Now to put a few things in order here at home before I take off.  For one, as per everybody’s votes, I’ve recalled Krog from Pandaria to look into the attack on Mokvar.  Malkorok hasn’t made much progress since he confirmed our mystery attackers were still running around loose, so I’m hoping a fresh set of eyes will be able to find some new leads.  Plus the timing works out, what with Krog arriving to pick up the investigation right when Malkorok is leaving with me for Pandaria.  Mokvar will still be under guard, and I’m looking into a few extra measures for his protection while I’m away.

Meanwhile, the search for a temporary scribe is still going on.  Who knew it was so hard to find someone who can just write shit down, right?  I guess I’ll just have to improvise with whoever I’ve got on hand when I get down there.  I was hoping I could get Saurfang to lend me his scribe, like I mentioned last time, and I sent a messenger up to Warsong Hold with the request…but that didn’t end up going so well.  Saurfang ended up dropping by to pay me a visit — scribe in tow, by the way — only he was just grumbly and cranky and all-around bad-mood-ish, and really I don’t know what’s been up his ass the last few months.  But that led nowhere fast, so yeah.

As for my OLD scribe, you guys are in for a treat.  Or really, more like a consolation prize.  See, what with the imminent voyage to Pandaria, I’m going to be out of contact for a few days at least, and even when we get there, I don’t know what the internet situation is going to be, so I don’t know how much blogging I’m going to be able to do.  So for the time being, I’m having Spazzle set both himself and Mokvar up so they can post on the blog while I’m away.  I know a lot of you depend on the Command Board to bring some semblance of meaning to your empty, pedestrian lives, and I’m not so cruel and heartless that I’m willing to leave you hanging all rudderless while I’m busy taking care of shit that’s way more important than your plebeian ass.  And I hope you felt it, because that was from the heart.  I’ll be back to posting as soon as I’m able to, but hopefully in the meantime those two will manage to keep you sort of vaguely entertained.

I think that covers everything.  That’s it for me for now — next stop, Krasarang Wilds!

The Garrosh scribe sweepstakes

Posted in General, Transcripts with tags , , , , , , , , on December 21, 2012 by Garrosh Hellscream

orgrimmar8

First off, since everyone has been asking, Mokvar is doing okay.  He’s got a shaman over in the Valley of Wisdom he’s been checking in with, and he’s been resting up mostly.  Ji Firepaw has been spending a fair amount of time over there too when he hasn’t been running all over the place with some of his panda friends.  So far Malkorok hasn’t dug up any leads, but I’m giving him a lot of latitude – I want this thing squared away before we leave for Pandaria in a few days.

The upcoming voyage, though, just serves as a reminder of how badly I need an interim scribe, seeing as Mokvar isn’t going to be coming, at least not at first.  I’ve gotten some interest from a few people – although I’m definitely still taking applications – and I figured the best way to go about this is to let them all have a tryout.  I had a meeting earlier with Malkorok and Eitrigg, along with Malkork’s peeps Gul’tar and Blood Guard Gro’tash, and so I invited a few of the contenders to attend and show what they can do.

So, here we go with today’s scribe auditions, starting with…

nerog

Nerog, inscription trainer from the Drag:

 

EITRIGG:  Shall we begin, Warchief?

GARROSH:  A member of our company yet remains absent – you, gentlemen: have you any notion of where Malkorok might be?

GUL’TAR:  He said he would be here after seeing Mokvar about the attack.  …  We can fill in for him if need be, sir.

GARROSH:  Very well.

EITRIGG:  Have you made the final troop assignments, Warchief?

GARROSH:  The final rosters have been cast; I shall arrange for copies for Malkorok and yourself once our new scribe is in place.

EITRIGG:  Yes, sir.  Have we been able to gather enough troops from Mulgore to fill out this initial wave?  I know Baine had expressed some concerns about gathering a large force on short notice…

GARROSH:  Ah, ask not one man more from Mulgore!  Rather proclaim it throughout our host, that he that has no stomach to this fight – let him depart!  We would not die in that man’s company!

EITRIGG:  As you say, sir.  We few, we merry few…

GARROSH:  Have you completed the compilation of our gathered intelligence on the peoples of Pandaria?

EITRIGG:  Yes, sir.  There are the pandaren, obviously, with whom we’ve established contacts now in multiple regions.  Their primary nemesis appears to be a race called the mogu.

(Eitrigg outlines the mogu race: former rulers of Pandaria, overthrown, recently returned, power to put souls into stone)

EITRIGG:  Perhaps it might be worth conducting some research at the mogu ruins?  A reason to bring a contingent from the Reliquary?

GARROSH:  A worthwhile idea, I suppose, especially in that bringing some number of the blood elves might facilitate the strained relations with their people of late.

EITRIGG:  Yes, sir.

(Malkorok enters somewhat unsteadily.)

MALKOROK:  Apologies for being late, Warchief. …

GUL’TAR:  Sir, what happened?  You look—

MALKOROK:  There was an…incident at that scribe’s dwelling.

GARROSH:  I shudder to imagine the condition of your foe, though you appear to have been wounded yourself.

MALKOROK:  My adversary took the worse of the exchange, enough that he saw fit to flee.

The scribe escaped …

GARROSH:  What happened?

MALKOROK:  I had some questions to ask the scribe about the other night.

I wasn’t inclined to leave it to chance.

GARROSH:  And I take it he got away?

MALKOROK:  Unfortunately

EITRIGG:  How did he manage to escape?

GARROSH:  A fair query, in light of your supposed prowess in both combat and security.

MALKOROK:  I had gained the upper hand when I was stunned somehow.  There may have been a second party

GARROSH:  In that case, as we now have potentially multiple rogue parties loose in Orgrimmar, I want security tightened, especially in light of our imminent departure for Pandaria.

Speaking of which, one other item pertaining to the voyage, and I cannot stress its importance enough.

EITRIGG:  Yes, Warchief?

GARROSH:  Do NOT.  Tell Vol’jin.  When we’re leaving.

 

So, you know, as much as I like this guy – he was really doing a good job of capturing my command of the language, if I say so myself, something even our boy Mokvar sometimes cuts corners with, FOR WHAT REASON I CANNOT IMAGINE – but it’s pretty painfully obvious he just couldn’t keep up.  Way too much skipping stuff and glossing over and what-have-you.

This, obviously, raises some questions about…you know…why this guy is the freaking inscription TRAINER around here, but whatever.

Next…

sinzi

Sinzi Sparkscribe, ink vendor:

 

EITRIGG
Shall we begin, Warchief?

GARROSH
We’re still short one advisor.  Do you guys know where Malkorok is?

GRO’TASH
I think he was going to speak to Mokvar about the attack, Warchief.  There were some follow-up questions.

GUL’TAR
We can fill in for him if need be, sir.  Even take notes if you think…

GARROSH
[Looks over to the trio of scribes.]
I think we’ve already got that covered.

EITRIGG
Have you made the final troop assignments, Warchief?

GARROSH
I have the rosters written up.  I’ll get copies to you and Malkorok soon.

EITRIGG
Yes, sir.  Have we been able to gather enough troops from Mulgore to fill out this initial wave?  I know Baine had some concerns…

GARROSH
Not as many as I’d like, but we’ll make due without them.  I’m not going to lose a lot of sleep over a shortage of half-hearted conscripts.

EITRIGG
If you say so, sir.

GARROSH
Have you finished compiling the reports on the local races we’re liable to encounter?

EITRIGG
Yes, sir.  There’s the pandaren, obviously, with whom we’ve established contacts now in multiple zones.  Their primary nemesis appears to be a race called the mogu – a curious race, it would seem, who apparently ruled Pandaria tyrannically for a prolonged period before being overthrown by the pandaren.

GARROSH
So hold on, they were overthrown by the pandaren?  I’m not exactly scared of these guys.

EITRIGG
Still, sir, they appear to have been very much feared, and have just recently reappeared.  And they seem to have possessed the power to infuse living souls into stone, either to imprison or to preserve for eventual reawakening.

GARROSH
Huh.  I think Krog mentioned something like that recently.

EITRIGG
Perhaps it might be worth conducting some research at some of the mogu ruins while we’re there?  All the more reason to bring that contingent from the Reliquary?

GARROSH
Yeah, couldn’t hurt.  Plus, like I said before, it might help smooth things over a little with Lor’themar if I bring a few extra blood elves for the trip.

EITRIGG
Yes, sir.

[Malkorok enters, bruised.]

MALKOROK
My apologies for being late, Warchief.  There was an…incident at the scribe’s dwelling.

GARROSH
You look like you took a few pretty good shots…

MALKOROK
Rest assured, Warchief, my adversary took the brunt of the exchange.  Enough so that they saw fit to fl e.

EITRIGG
W at happen d?  Wh t abo t Mokv r?  Is he a l rig t?

MALKOROK
The scribe…es ape d unsc thed so f r  s I k  w.

 

[The transcript trails off at this point, with a note in pencil indicating “Out of ink.”]

 

So okay…hang on.

Let’s even set aside the fact that she knew this was her scribing audition here, and the fact that under those circumstances you would THINK someone would show up with enough materials that there’s no way they could run out.  Let’s even set that aside.

She’s…a fucking…INK TRADER.

And she RAN OUT OF INK?

HOW in the FUCK…you know what?  Forget it.  I’m only going to make myself more angry.  Moving on.

Next up…

xantili

Xantili, inscription vendor from the Valley of Spirits:

 

EITRIGG:  Shall we begin, Warchief?

GARROSH:  Well we’re still short one advisor.  You guys know where Malkorok is?

GUL’TAR:  Does anyone really care where he is?

GRO’TASH:  I believe he was going to speak to Mokvar about the attack, Warchief.  I think there were some follow-up questions.

GUL’TAR:  We can fill in for him if need be, sir.  Even take notes if you think…

GARROSH:  <looking over the group of scribes>  Yeah, I think we’ve already got that covered.  Okay then.

EITRIGG:  Have you made the final troop assignments, Warchief?

GARROSH:  I have the rosters written up.  I’ll get copies to you and Malkorok as soon as…  <gestures to the scribes>  …well, you know.

EITRIGG:  Yes, sir.  Have we been able to gather enough troops from Mulgore to fill out this initial wave?  I know Baine had expressed some concerns…

GARROSH:  Not as many as I’d like, but we’ll make due without them.  I’m not going to lose a lot of sleep over a shortage of half-hearted conscripts.  We’ll fill things out one way or another.

EITRIGG:  If you say so, sir.

GARROSH:  Have you finished compiling those reports on the local races we’re liable to encounter?

EITRIGG:  Yes, sir.  There’s the pandaren, obviously, with whom we’ve established contacts now in multiple zones.  Their primary nemesis appears to be a race called the mogu – a curious race, it would seem, who apparently ruled Pandaria tyrannically for a prolonged period before being overthrown by the pandaren.

GARROSH:  So hold on, they had their iron rule toppled by the fat, drunken teddy bears?  I’m not exactly shaking in my boots over these guys.

EITRIGG:  Still, sir, they appear to have been very much feared, and have just recently reappeared.  And they seem to have possessed the power to infuse living souls into stone, either to imprison or to preserve for eventual reawakening.

GARROSH:  Huh.  I think Krog mentioned something like that recently.  Interesting…

EITRIGG:  Perhaps it might be worth conducting some research at some of the mogu ruins while we’re there?  All the more reason to bring that contingent from the Reliquary?

GARROSH:  Yeah, couldn’t hurt, I suppose.  Plus it might help smooth things over a little with…you know…ol’ Captain Peroxide up there in Silvermoon if I bring a few extra blood elves for this shindig.

EITRIGG:  Yes, sir.

Malkorok stumbles in shakily.

MALKOROK:  Apologies for being late, Warchief.  I was busy getting my ass handed to me.

GUL’TAR:  What happened?  You look—

MALKOROK:  There was an…incident at that scribe’s dwelling.

GARROSH:  Dude, what’s the other guy look like?  You look like crap.

MALKOROK:  Rest assured, Warchief, my adverary took the worst of the exchange, which is sort of a shame, I know, since as we all know everybody would love to see me get completely curbstomped.  But I injured them enough that they saw fit to flee.

EITRIGG:  What happened, jerk?  What about Mokvar?  Is he all right, or were you too busy losing to notice?

MALKOROK:  The scribe…escaped unscathed so far as I know.

GARROSH:  Okay, pinhead, let’s hear all about how you made a mess of this.  As usual, mon.

MALKOROK:  I was on my way to ask the scribe a few questions concerning the other night’s attack, when I saw a dark-cloaked figure approaching his dwelling.  This was very scary, so obviously I wet myself.  After I pulled myself together, I moved to intercept the intruder.

GARROSH:  You think this was one of the attackers from the other night, back to finish the job?

MALKOROK:  I wasn’t inclined to leave it to chance.

EITRIGG:  Wasn’t there more than one of them the first time?

GARROSH:  Did you get a good look at them?

MALKOROK:  Not really since I’m such a screw-up.  Dressed in black, hooded and masked, that’s about all I can say…

GARROSH:  And I take it this one got away?

MALKOROK:  Unfortunately, sir.

EITRIGG:  And how, might I ask, did this intruder manage to elude our mighty warrior and internal security chief…?

MALKOROK:  I refer you again to my being a royal screw-up.  Though you try my patience, old mon…

GARROSH:  Still, dude, it’s a fair question.  This IS supposed to be your bread and butter, keeping the place locked down.

MALKOROK:  I was winning, yay me, but then I was stunned somehow, boo I suck again.  There may have been a second party intervening in the first one’s aid.

EITRIGG:  Ah, so there was more than one…

MALKOROK:  In any case, if their intent was to reach the scribe Mokvar, they were not successful.  So I guess it was a tie in our battle to see who could out-fail the other.

GARROSH:  Just the same, now we know they’re still on the loose in Orgrimmar somewhere.  I want security tightened up, especially with us leaving for Pandaria soon.

MALKOROK:  Yes, sir.  I’ll try not to be so completely useless this time.

GARROSH:  And speaking of which, one other thing about this Pandaria voyage.  And I can’t possibly stress the importance of this enough.

EITRIGG:  Yes, Warchief?

GARROSH:  <looks grimly around the room>  Do NOT.  Let Vol’jin.  Forget about the trip.  I would really be missin’ him if he didn’t come.

 

Um…so…

Yeah.  Keep those applications coming in.  Like seriously.

I think I might send a note off to Saurfang while I’m thinking of it.  I think he had a personal scribe up in Warsong Hold who was pretty good.  Maybe I can talk him into letting me borrow her for a couple weeks.

Really.  Scribe applications.  Get on ’em, people.

Dead Peons Society

Posted in General with tags , , , , on December 19, 2012 by Garrosh Hellscream

valleyoftrials

This morning I tried a little experiment with Gurtash’s training group – which has been coming along pretty well, by the way, when they’re not driving me up the wall being chattery and unfocused.  Anyway, I decided to take them down to the Valley of Trials to see how they would do with some of the odds and ends we give to the new would-be adventurers down there.  I figured it would give them a little basic low-risk practice to see how they stack up against some of the other newbies, most of whom are still at least a few years older than them.

I was really kind of hoping there would be more combat involved, gotta say.  I’m not sure who designed the training program down there, but come the fuck on.  I’m pretty sure our soldiers are never going to find themselves in a situation where life and death hinges on their ability to successfully pick cactus apples.  Plus in these kids’ case, that wound up leading to a food fight, so there went a good ten minutes trying to get them under control again.  And yeah, there were some boars they had to thin out, but seriously…those boars were so weak and pitiful, the kids hardly got any fighting practice from them.  Really, somebody would probably have to kill like 65 million of those things in order to actually get anywhere.

But the real kicker was when Foreman Thazz’ril asked them to go around and smack the laziness out of some peons.  Which, granted, those guys ARE pretty damn lazy.  I mean as much as I complain about how long the goblins have been taking to finish the post-Cataclysm rebuilding in Orgrimmar (which, yes, they STILL haven’t finished, and which, yes, STILL boggles my mind), I don’t even want to THINK about how much longer things would have taken if I’d left that shit for the peons to do.  We’d probably all still be sitting around a pile of fucking rocks and tucking ourselves in at night in a cozy little bed of mud and uprooted weeds.

Don’t get fucking excited, trolls – I said WEEDS, not WEED.

Anyway, Thazz’ril asked the kids to go smack the peons around a little and get them off their lazy asses.  Only here’s the thing – the kids didn’t know their own strength…so…we ended up having, uh, a couple dead peons.  Which, okay, I know I should maybe give a crap about them being dead, but come on.  If a fourteen-year-old can walk up and one-shot you, you probably needed to be dead.  Just sayin’.

The trainees were a little unnerved by the, y’know, unexpected fatalities, but I tried to play it up as a confidence-builder and told them there would be plenty of others falling before them once they got the chance to do battle for the glory of the Horde.  Only not so much falling from people who might have widows who are covered by contract death benefits, because ugh, more paperwork.  (I left out that last part with the kids.)  That perked them up a lot, so I figured what the hell, why not use this to build some group pride.  So next thing you know, my little pack of trainees are calling themselves the Dead Peons Society.

It’s got kind of a ring to it, as long as you don’t think about it too much and realize where it actually comes from.  Plus, it even lends itself to a decent abbreviation.  When it comes time for me to start sending them out on actual missions, I can totally see myself saying things like “Time to call in the DPS.”

More soon.

Monday mailbag

Posted in Mailbag with tags , , , , , , , , , , on December 17, 2012 by Garrosh Hellscream

mail17

So it’s been a while since I did a mailbag.  How long, you ask?  GOOD QUESTION.  And the answer is, so long that in the intervening time I’ve gotten not one, but TWO letters from our old buddy ACC, so why don’t we get to it before he dashes off ANOTHER one, and start working our way through the ACC backlog.  As usual, actual letters from actual readers…

 

Hail, Warchief!

And greetings from the not-so-frozen South. Pro tip: NEVER go on a boat with General Nazgrim. I don’t know what he did to offend the Boat Gods, but… This is twice now that I’ve boarded a serviceable ship and disembarked from kindling. Mind you, there’s hardly anyone else I’d rather be with in a scrap. If you’re headed to a hot LZ you want him there with you, just don’t let him drive. Can’t add anything to what’s already been said about our allies and opponents except that while I’d pick semi-sentient monkeys over super-evolved murlocs any day, the “epic” clash was the goat-rope to end all goat-ropes. The least said about that, the better.

You’ve already heard about the giant vegetables in the Valley of the Four Winds. Turns out that the water makes for some pretty big beasties, too. And where there’s big game, you KNOW who’s not far behind. That’s right, Hemet Nesingwary’s pulled stakes from Sholazar and headed South. And be brought his boy with him. Got to say, it was awesome seeing them together. When you get down this way, you ought to swing by their camp and take a look around.

One other thing before I get back to work: that issue you mentioned last time? This place forces you to deal with things like that. What you bring within yourself draws spirits out of the land itself. Harsh therapy, but effective. I still stand by the necessity of what we did, but I do (slightly) regret the intemperate zeal.

–A Concerned Citizen

Ahh, so THAT’s where Hemet and his kid disappeared off to.  Good to hear, ACC – maybe now the old man can finally teach the kid a thing or two so he won’t be QUITE as big a fuck-up.  It was always pretty embarrassing dropping by their camp in Stranglethorn, and having the guy supposedly in charge be far and away the least competent hunter there.  Then again, I guess that’s the way management tends to go, right?  Mediocrity rises, so the person in charge usually winds up being the biggest dumbass?

Anyway, good point about Nazgrim.  No question as to his military skills, but for future engagements I’m thinking I might send him in AFTER the initial wave, so I can just have him ported in without having to roll the dice putting him on another ship.  Though come to think of it, that could make for an interesting experiment…like if we put him on a vehicle to some other part of Pandaria right now, would that one crash too?  If I told him to take one of the pandas’ balloons somewhere, would the balloon go all hydrogen bomb clear out of the blue?  Is anyone else thinking I might seriously have to try some of this out once I get down there, even if unbeknownst to Nazgrim I’d be putting his physical safety at sustained risk for no reason other than a puckish blend of curiosity and thirst for amusement?

 

Hail, Warchief!

There’s a rumor going around that the EO servers are shutting off this coming Friday. Heard anything about this?

–A Concerned Citizen

Wait, what?  Shutting off as in permanently?  I know they usually have some downtime for maintenance, but that’s usually on Tuesdays, isn’t it?  Why would they shut down the game?  They only just put out a new expansion.  I mean yeah, they lost some subscribers the last year or so, but still, I don’t see them shutting down at this point.

Or is this some kind of in-game apocalypse deal?  Because you DO get some of those RP-happy people who are all about the second coming of that Jesus guy.  Who, by the way, could they make it any more obvious where they got THAT lore character from?  I mean, come on…he walks on water and comes back from the dead, so he obviously has to be a shaman, and he’s all hippy granola-crunchy let’s-all-get-along-and-be-friends, and millions of people just dote over him and think he’s the most awesome thing, which just feeds into his whole deal where he thinks he’s the ultimate savior, and come on, could they make it any more painfully obvious who he’s supposed to be?  We might as well just call him Beige Thrall.  Although I don’t know why people make such a big deal about him coming back.  Do they really expect the guy to just show up again and take over or something?

 

This parchment has a few sketches around the edges in multicolored inks. Dontrag and Utvoch are recognizable, as are Nazgrel and Neferatti. The remaining sketches are of a naaru, a warp stalker, and a nether ray. The lettering is spaced a bit erratically and is far from ornate, but is readable without excessive effort.

Dear Mr Warchief Sir:

I herd abot Mr Mokvar. I hop he gets bettr soon. I kno you need a scrib now, and I want to voula valun help. I hav ben trayning with a teechr who says Im doing much bettr than I was. I wud tell you all abot her and abot evrything Ive bin doing, but that wud tak too long and I want to mail this now. Pleese let me be your scrib!

The letter is signed with an inky pawprint and the name “Taktani.”

Um…

<sigh>

Yeah, how about I get back to you on that.

Fucking hell, somebody get me a list of the inscription trainers and vendors around here, there’s gotta be SOMEONE I can rope into taking this damn job…

In unrelated news HEY EVERYBODY KEEP THOSE SCRIBE APPLICATIONS COMING IN, and hoo boy, Mokvar, heal up fast, dude.

 

Greetings Warchief,

I have been spending a good deal of time in Pandaria per your orders and have been getting to know the natives.  Recently I took a quick trip home for a bit of a break and a grave injustice has become apparent to me.

tokamailbag

In Panderia the natives are more than happy to allow me to have one of my pets hanging around with me.  They are more than happy to serve grain to my goat Moe while I am enjoying refreshments of my own.  That same scene does not play out at home.  I was actually kicked out of Silvermoon City by one of those constructs that what’s his name has running around the city because one of my felines had a small accident in the city.  I was in the process of cleaning it up when I was ushered out of the city.  Even in Ogrimmar people get testy if one of my pets is curled up at my feet while I enjoy a drink.

Is there something you could do to make Hunter pets more welcome in Horde areas?  They put their lives on the line in the service of the Horde same as any other veteran in your army.  We train them well and they are not dangerous to civilians that keep their hands off of them.

Thank you for your time Warchief,

–Toka Armripper

Hey Toka.  Well, you know, legally speaking, pets are kosher here in Orgrimmar.  I can’t really speak for what they do in Silvermoon – the business with the construct-robot-thingy seems kind of lame, but that’s Regent-Lord Ponytail for you.  Maybe he’s afraid the smell from any potential pet accidents might soak into his conditioner or some shit.  Point is, though, over in Silvermoon or Undercity or Thunder Bluff or, hell, the Echo Isles, they all set their local ordinances about pets, and frankly, I get enough headaches from the other city leaders trying to get them go along with my orders on the big stuff like war and conscription and glorious battle…I don’t want to even THINK about the caterwauling I’ll have to deal with if I start trying to meddle around with smaller local regulations like pet control too.  Sylvanas will probably give me another one of her speeches about centralized government versus cities’ rights.

As for people getting testy in Orgrimmar if you bring your pets into the bar with you, well, frankly, fuck ’em.  Really.  The law here is that your pets are allowed in there as long as you keep them under control, so if people don’t like it, fuck ’em.  That’s the one thing – no matter what the law is, there’s not much you can do about people’s attitudes, so like it or not, there are always going to be some malcontents who are going to grumble.  I mean, hell, a couple weeks ago I was taking Mortimer around Orgrimmar is stretch his legs a little, and he went sniffing up to this old orc woman – and I don’t mean the fit, MILFy kind of older orc woman like Garona, I mean old and cranky and bloated and draped in fur-lined imperial silk robes for no reason other than LOOK AT ME I’M FANCY and hasn’t done a sit-up since the Second War.  And so Mortimer started sniffing at her, and I told her not to worry, he’s friendly.  And she was all sneery like, “Well I’m not an animal lover.”  And so I said, “That’s okay, he’s not a heartless unfeeling cow lover.”  And of course just then there were a couple tauren walking by, so, you know, awkward.

 

Random Weirdness spotted – Oppan Garrosh Style

[If you’re unable to view the embedded video, you can link to it here.]

I’m just…

that was…

uh…

Ok.

–Quelita, Tarren Mill

Yeah, what of it?

I slaughter Alliance, I write EPIC VERSE, I sing.

It’s called being a triple threat.  Deal with it, bitches.

 

That’s it for this time around.  As always, keep those letters coming to garrosh1337@gmail.com.

When we last left Krog…

Posted in General with tags , , , , , , , , , , on December 16, 2012 by Garrosh Hellscream

twinspirekeep

I have Krog’s latest report from Pandaria, and considering I’m going to be on my way there sooner rather than later, this intel he’s gathering is going to start becoming pretty damn important.  Before I get to that, though, let me address a couple other items quickly, since everybody seems to have been having a low-grade freak-out the last couple days.  Specifically, about Mokvar.

So before everyone starts rolling out their full-on crazy over this, yes, Mokvar is okay.  A little banged up, yeah, but he’ll be fine.  I’m just giving him a little time to rest up and get his head together before I have him back on the job, seeing as I figure it must do a number on you when, y’know, you die and shit.  I’ve got a regular guard keeping watch on his place, and I know Ji Firepaw has been dropping by regularly to check on him.  He’ll be fine as long as everybody doesn’t start coming on like gangbusters, so please put your panties back on and try to calm the fuck down.

I’ve got Malkorok looking into this business.  I don’t much like the fact that something like this went down, not least of all because it means somebody was able to get into Orgrimmar and target one of my aides.  I’ve seen a few other reports the last few days about a shadowy figure or something being seen sneaking around the city, which doesn’t exactly make me bubble over with good feelings about security around here.  Frankly, if Krog weren’t down there in Pandaria, I would probably have him do some extra sleuthing up here.  I may have to look into a few investigative options as it is.

Anyway, speaking of Krog, let’s get back to the man himself.  You all voted to have him get back to business and check on whatever happened with the original landing party out of Garrosh’ar Point.  (Man, I still really do like the ring of that name.)  So, with no further ado…

 

shokia accompanied me from grookin hill and we made our way south.  en route we passed a cottage that shokia says had been occupied by a ‘jade witch’ who had turned sergeant garrok into a jade statue; eventually garrok was restored and brought back to grookin hill to recover.

 

Huh.  Now that’s some weird business, turning living people into minerals and back…might want to look into that later.  Could be handy in a few different ways…

 

also en route passed pandaren settlement at paw’don village.  village had formed ties with alliance; passed a bit too close; these pandaren markedly less friendly than the wandering isle lot.

 

Now that I think of it, these pandas might possibly have been crankier than the Wandering Isle pandas because they were mad about not getting to go on the turtle ride…

 

horde forces had withdrawn to nearby fortress called twinspire keep; find attached schematic outlining fortress layout and grounds.  upon arrival, discovered remaining landing party had been killed by alliance aerial attack.

 

Side note here before I get too pissed off about the good people we lost there – from the looks of it, this Twinspire Keep place is pretty much identical to Thunder Hold, the base that the initial Alliance force had taken over, the one Nazgrim and his people took out when they first arrived.  And… I mean… what are the odds of that? The first wave of each side’s troops set up shop in identical fortresses, only to be neutralized by the SECOND wave of the OTHER side’s forces, with a soon-to-be-friendly panda village right neaby?  Seriously, is that freaky coincidental or what?

 

no survivors, by all indications.  shokia and i took a few hours to tend to the bodies; alliance had left them to rot on the ground.

 

Of course they did.  Because they’re so pure and noble and honorable.  And they call us savages.

 

was able to identify bodies of commander dalgan and bellandra felstorm.  also appears that warlocks had summoned demonic beholder, body of which was also found.  note: burnt rotting demon corpses smell very, very bad.

inside keep, found body of warlock ga’trul along with his journal; will hold for your inspection at next opportunity.  while body was identifiable, also appeared to have been corrupted somehow; entire body had taken on dark gray hue, hands and arms had morphed into claws, further deformations of body.  inconsistent with metamorphoses usually observed with warlocks.

gist of journal: ga’trul assumed command of fleet after captain krug was killed during initial engagement with alliance.  ga’trul seemed to grow increasingly hostile and paranoid during time in keep.  then again, he ended up being killed, so maybe not so paranoid.  he attempted to barter with paw’don pandaren without success; took forsaken suggestion to abduct pandaren cubs to use as bargaining chips; eventually there appears to have been a sharp rift between orc and forsaken forces within the keep.

 

Okay, so…wait, what?  The what happened?  The what times like five?  They had a frigging insurrection within the group?  How the hell did that happen?

 

shokia has expressed intention to return north to check on garrok and rejoin nazgrim and others.  awaiting further instructions.

 

Which leads us to our two main leads we could have Krog follow up on: that surprise expedition that Baine had sent to Pandaria, or the creepy-ass similarity between Ga’trul’s body and these sha creatures.  Or, hell, I’ll toss another option into the mix, since I was just talking about this a few paragraphs up…

 

Death of the author

Posted in General with tags , , on December 14, 2012 by Garrosh Hellscream

mokvar

Just a quick update today.  Lots going on, and my attention is needed in a dozen different places at once, partly for reasons that will be obvious in a minute.  So let’s get to the main news item.

Late last night, Mokvar was killed.

Damn good thing he’s a shaman, right?  Those ankhs come in handy.  So, he’s up and living again – still injured, though, and more than a little shaken up.

Details are still sketchy.  After yesterday’s strategy session, Mokvar had gone to see Ji Firepaw in the Valley of Honor.  Ji went with Mokvar back top the Drag, which is kind of a sketchy part of town to get caught in late at night.  As it happens, it was a lucky thing Ji was around, because Mokvar having Ji fighting beside him probably made the difference between Mokvar ankhing his way home and winding up getting double-tapped.  Because whoever it was apparently knew Mokvar is a shaman, and waited for him to pop up again.

We don’t know much about the attackers, other than there being more than one.  It was dark and there weren’t any witnesses that we know of other than Mokvar and Ji.  All we really know is that Mokvar was jumped by two or three dark figures – definitely humanoid, but cloaked in shadow enough that nobody seems to be able to pin down many details – and that Mokvar and Ji were able to fight them off until they fled.  With a good-guy death and rebirth mixed in there for good measure.

I’m having Malkorok look into this business personally.  In the meantime, while Mokvar is recovering, I’m having a Kor’kron guard assigned to his house.  Whoever this was, they’re still on the loose, and I’m not leaving anything to chance.

And in the meantime-meantime…now I need to find myself a temporary scribe.  Right when I’d finally gotten the first one broken in and everything.  Why does this kind of inconvenient crap always happen to ME?

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