Archive for April, 2012

Welcome to [Warchief]

Posted in General, Transcripts with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 30, 2012 by Garrosh Hellscream

I’m back in Orgrimmar.  After we wrapped up things in Garadar, I took sort of a leisurely trip by land to Shattrath with Lakkara.  From there we took one of the portals to Orgrimmar.  You should have seen the look on my mother’s face the first time she came up with me from the Cleft of Shadow and saw the Valley of Strength.

Since then I’ve been showing her around Orgrimmar and a little of Durotar.  At first I figured I was going to take her on this whirlwind tour around Kalimdor and show her everything, but I forget ALL of this is TOTALLY new to her, so it’s probably better to take our time and give her a chance to take it all in.  Even little things, like the fact that she hadn’t ever really seen trolls before.  Or Forsaken, for that matter…although she was a lot less freaked out over seeing them walking around town than I figured she would be.  I guess she just feels for anybody who’s had a rough time of it.  Anyway, for the time being I have her set up with her own quarters here in Grommash Hold, upstairs.

While she’s been getting settled and resting, I’ve had a chance to hop back online and get some Earth Online time.  The guild had gotten off to a slow start, since I ended up having a lot of distractions keeping me from the game, but I think we’re starting to get things together.  Spazzle also set me up with this thing that lets me log our in-game guild chat, so I’m going to try using it here and give you guys a peek at what we’ve been up to.  He even had some add-on that let me tag players in the game with their real names (or whatever names I want to label them with) so both names show up in the game chat.  Makes it easier for me to keep things straight sometimes, but I figure it’ll make these logs a hell of a lot easier for you all to make sense of.

Anyway, here goes:

 

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  So Spaz, how are things coming along on the guild web site?

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Don’t we already have a web site?

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Yes and no

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  We have a site that we use, but it’s not totally ours

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]   How’s that?

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  you know, it’s one of those prefab ones you can get at a host site.

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  they’re fine and all, they give you the basics of what you need, but they don’t give you a whole lot of room to customize

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  or for that matter even really have direct control of the site

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  which is fine if you’re just wanting something to get started with, or if you just don’t have someone who knows web design

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Which obviously we do

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  this way I can custom build it, and have direct control over security, track IP addresses, etc.

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Yeah, and after all the trouble I’ve been having on the blog the last month or so, I want us to have more control of the guild site

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Ahh, got it.

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  So how’s it coming along?

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  pretty well

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  I think it should be up and running pretty soon

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  sorry it’s been taking so long, but I ended up losing a bunch of time getting the blog secured again after all the hacking that was going on

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  So you finally have that locked down now?

[SteveKravitz | Utvoch] has logged on.

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  yeah, I think so.  I set up a much tougher firewall

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  it should be a LOT harder for anyone to get through it

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch]  a firewall wtf?

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch]  we’re got walls of fire here now?

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  No, not like that

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Hey Dontrag.

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch]  no, this is utvoch

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch]  hey though

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar]  I always get them mixed up.

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  it’s a firewall for Garrosh’s blog

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  If it makes you feel any better, I usually have to keep a little crib sheet on me

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  I still slip up every so often

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch]  we’re not going to have to start farming fire resist gear now, are we?

[GilbertRose | Dontrag] has logged on.

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  server back up?

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  sup Dontrag

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  No, it’s not a firewall like that

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Not in the game

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch]  no, not dontrag, this is utvoch, i just said

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  no, not you

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  He wasn’t talking to you.

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  walls of fire?  are we doing one of the burning building scenarios?

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  Dontrag just logged on

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch]  oh i missed that

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  shouldnt we maybe recruit someone who plays a fire fighter before we try one of those

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  “oh i missed that” he says – I bet he gets tired of having to say that

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  lol

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar]  haha

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  No, we’re not talking about BB scenarios.  It’s a firewall Spazzle set up for my blog

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch]  you have a blog?

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh] …

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar]  hah

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  ah ok

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Um, yes, I do

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Didn’t he write in for one of your mailbags, too?

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garroshhttp://commandboard.wordpress.com

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Yeah, he did

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar]  haha, that’s great.

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  lol

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Clearly you and I have very different notions of “great”

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch]  oh cool

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch]  i will make a point of reading it, sir

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  are you sure you want them reading it?

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  as will i, great gl/warchief sir

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  I mean, you kind of make fun of them a lot on it, call them stupid, etc.

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  I don’t say anything on the blog that I wouldn’t say to their faces

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Watch

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Also you’re assuming they would get half of the jabs he takes at them.

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Dontrag

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Utvoch

[LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] has logged on.

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  You guys know you’re fucking idiots, right?

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  lol

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch]  yes, sir

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  yes sir

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  sorry sir

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Ah, I see our esteemed Warchief is once again demonstrating his inimitable leadership skills.

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch]  great apologies, sir

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch]  i’m doing my best to remedy my failings with my extension courses, sir

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  morning, dark lady

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Hey, we don’t all have the benefit of having all our underlings auto-brainwashed and under our thrall, Sylvanas

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  By the way, what’s up with your names, you two?  They seem kind of…generic.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Good day, Utvoch.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  You wound me yet again, Warchief.

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  yeah we both just used one of the randomly generated names

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  no this is dontrag

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch]  wait, under thrall?

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch]  is thrall coming back?

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  you kind of walked right into that one, boss

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  No.  Thrall isn’t coming back

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Yeah, I know

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Who told them about this guild again?

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  thrall said he was coming back?

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  when was this?  i missed it

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  No

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  lol

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Thrall

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Is not

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Coming back

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar]  You could not pay me to be Warchief, honestly.

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch]  ah okay, if you say so, sir

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  truly it is a blessing that the horde has such an embarrassment of riches in our leadership

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  We have an embarrassment, all right

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  So hey, while you guys are here and Sylvanas is on

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  I was thinking it might be good to make her an officer

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar]  For real?

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  she was the one who was hacking into the blog, wasn’t she?

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  well one of them

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Yeah, yeah, I know.  But hear me out

[Nightengayle | Garona] has logged on.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Good morning, Garona.

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  morning garona

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  First off, even though she did hack into the blog, I have to give her props for the way she shut Varian down

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  hi BQ.

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  hi dontrag.

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  yeah, that was pretty funny

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  No, that’s Utvoch.

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  She’s been playing this game for a while and knows a bunch of the classes really well, plus she DID server transfer just to join this guild

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  no its not

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  is it?  damn I thought I got it right this time.

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch]  no, you got it right

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  that is true, she did

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  i’m dontrag

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  he’s utvoch

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Yeah.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Are you sure?

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Plus, you know, I’ve been thinking lately, maybe I’ve been a little too hard on her.  I mean, to be fair, being tortured to death has to do a number on you

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  i think we know who we are

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  I would think you would know you are, as well.

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar]  If you think so.  It probably wouldn’t be a bad gesture, since she’s the de facto leader over in Eastern Kingdoms.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Apparently, however, there is some uncertainty in the matter.

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  now you’re just messing with them lol.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  ^_^

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Yeah that too.  And also as far as the hacking goes, I think maybe if we put her on the inside, she might be less likely to want to try messing with things

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Yeah, maybe.

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  hmm yeah

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  so what are you guys up to?

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  well, if you think so, boss, it’s your call

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  I need to jet in a little while, though.  I have to go meet up with my cousin Khizzara

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  it’s new comic book day down at the shop!

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Just sorting out some day trading.

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch]  d and i are just sparring outside washington

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  we should probably get back to leveling though

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar]  kk Spazzle

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  yeah, me too.

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  what level are you guys?

[LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] has been promoted to the rank Officer.

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  34

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  grats!

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch]  33 here

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  ^_^

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Thank you, dear Guild Leader.

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  grats BQ.

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  welcome aboard, sylvanas

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Thank you!

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  No problem, Sylvanas.  I figure you know the game well, plus, you know, it’s always nice to actually have someone with a few IQ points in a leadership position

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  you know in my other guild over on palin I’m an officer too, as a matter of fact.

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Indeed.

[Officer][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  anyway, hate to greet and run, but I have get going

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Take care, Spazzle.

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  anyway boo, you guys are too high level for me.

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  was going to say we should group up.

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  unless you want to run a lvl 19 nurse through a couple lowbie instances… <3

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  I appreciate your trust, good GL, and will of course do my best to serve the guild well.

[Guild][MrBadcrumble | Spazzle]  gotta run for a little while, guys.  back later!

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  i guess we could, sure

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  cya spazzle

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Later, Spazzle.

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona<3

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Going quiet for a few, everyone, need to get this quest done for my class trinket

[MrBadcrumble | Spazzle] has logged off.

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch]  bye spazzle

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch]  damn, missed him

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Before you get too far into your quest, Garrosh, would it be all right if I invited a friend to the guild?

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  He’s fairly new to the game, but I’m sure he’ll learn quickly.  Plus he doesn’t really get out a lot, so it might be nice for him to have some new people to interact with.

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Yeah, that should be fine

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  where should we meet you garona

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Anyway, busy for a few

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  I’m over in moscow now.

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  I have a couple quests to do in the kremlin if we could do that.

[Lorthemar] has joined the guild.

[Lorthemar] has been promoted to the rank Recruit.

[Lorthemar] has been promoted to the rank Member.

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  ok

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Welcome, Lorthemar.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Welcome!

[Guild][Lorthemar]  Thank you!

[Guild][Lorthemar]  Greetings, guildmates!

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  sup

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch]  who’s the new guy?

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  o.O

[Guild][Lorthemar]  Lor’themar Theron, at your service!

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  oh so I guess you just didn’t have enough characters to put the last name on your toon?

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  I think there’s a mod you can use to get around that.

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  oh hey is that supposed to be like whats her face from the quest chain?

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Who?

[Guild][Lorthemar]  Well…no.  That’s just my name.

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  that npc, another theron i think

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  charlize?

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Charlize, yeah.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  No, but wait, no, that’s not what he’s going for.

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch]  oh wow so you’re into like that total immersion thing, huh?

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  yeah thats her

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  she’s in a few in-game cinematics too.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Not many of those are really worth watching, though.

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch]  is your toon supposed to be related to her or something?

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Ugh, too much RP.

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  they are as long as you turn off your speakers

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  …

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  just sayin

[Guild][Lorthemar]  I’m a little confused.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  I must admit, I’m a little baffled as well.

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  it’s okay, the game throws a lot at you at once, it gets easier to keep track of once you play a little.

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  why, BQ?  you’ve been playing this game longer than me.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  No…not like that.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Lorthemar is literally THE Lor’themar Theron.

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  ok…

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch]  right, he said that

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  and…?

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas] …

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar]  What?

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Lor’themar Theron.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Regent Lord of Quel’thalas.

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  not ringing any bells

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  The leader of the blood elves.

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  oh.

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  If you say so.

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch]  wait, didn’t we kill him a couple years ago?

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Never mind.

[Guild][Lorthemar]  I really am confused now.

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  No, that was…you know what, forget it.  Welcome to the guild, Lor’themar.

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch]  yeah i’m starting to get a little lost too

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Okay, back

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  And check this out

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  wb.

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  Checking.

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  welcome back sir

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  So I was doing my teacher class quest to upgrade my gradebook trinket

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  And I finish the quest, and since I was in an instanced inner city school zone, when I zone out I’m PVP flagged, right?

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  So this random guy sees me and decides he’s going to try and gank me.

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Only now I’ve got my shiny new trinket, and I blow all my upgraded lesson buffs at once, and BAM, drop the scrub like a freshman-year undeclared pre-med major

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  haha awesome

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Welcome back, Garrosh.

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  woot

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  And I’m all doing a /detention emote on him like “WHAM!  You got SCHOOLED, bitch!”  haha

[Guild][Bartleby | Mokvar]  haha

[Guild][Lorthemar]  I’m not sure I really follow all that, but I’m sure it was a glorious victory, Warchief.

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  They don’t call me Omgipwnedurface for nothing

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch]  indeed sir

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch]  they call you that because you entered it on the character creation screen

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Speaking of triumphant returns, by the way, I heard a rumor that Thrall was coming back.  Is it true?

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Um okay

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  OMG not that again

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch]  yeah i heard someone talking about that earlier too

[Guild][Lorthemar]  Really?  Thrall’s returning?  Do you know anything about when?

[Guild][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Seems he’s being very cagey about the details.

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Sylvanas, why do you insist on confusing the stupid?

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  huh interesting

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch]  yeah sounds like he’s trying to keep it hush hush

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  Sorry, dear Warchief.  It’s just so easy!

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  didn’t garrosh already say that wasn’t happening?

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  And it’s so fun to drop heavy things on the fools’ heads.  They make such an entertaining splat.

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  yeah he did but people are still talking about it so i dont know

[Officer][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Hang on brb

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch]  that could just be thralls cover story too

[Guild][Lorthemar]  I must admit, history isn’t terribly promising when it comes to leaders who allegedly are gone for good.

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Okay peeps

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch] yeah thats true, like everyone said we killed you a couple years ago and here you are back again

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  I need to log off for a little while

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  My mom wants me to get off the computer

[Guild][Nightengayle | Garona]  bye garrosh

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Plus she’s only been in Orgrimmar a day so I should make sure she’s not going to get lost or something

[Guild][GilbertRose | Dontrag]  cya sir

[Guild][SteveKravitz | Utvoch]  l8r

[Guild][Lorthemar]  Be well, Warchief.  Give my best to Mother Hellscream!

[Guild][Omgipwnedurface | Garrosh]  Later guys

[Officer][LivinDeadGrl | Sylvanas]  So…is it always like this?

[Officer][Bartleby | Mokvar]  You really don’t read the blog, do you?

You have logged off.

Memories of dreaming glory

Posted in General with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 28, 2012 by Garrosh Hellscream

nagrandelements

Well, that’s settled.  My mother is alive.

I’ve been staying here in Garadar the last few days.  Luckily Spazzle’s gotten my why-fly (or whatever it’s called) connection working a little more reliably, so I’ve been able to keep up with the blog and post this week’s EPIC VERSE and all of that.  As I mentioned the other day, Greatmother said Lakkara had gone out to visit the other Mag’har in Hellfire Peninsula, so I’ve been hanging out here to see if she would turn up again before I needed to get back to business in Orgrimmar.  Luckily things have been quiet back home lately, so I figured there wouldn’t be anything Eitrigg couldn’t handle while I was away.  Also, yeah, I’m not going to lie, I figured timing-wise this might let me stick Eitrigg with those end-of-month military expenditure reviews.  Fuck I hate paperwork.

Anyway.  It’s been good to spend some time back here, I suppose, although it’s also been giving Greatmother plenty of time to give me her nudge-nudge reminders about Kilrath having a daughter and how she wanted me to meet her and yeah, that’s just what I want, to get paired off with some girl my Greatmother picked out for me.

On the up side, I’ve gotten to spend some time hanging around with Jorin Deadeye, who used to pick on me like nobody’s business when we were kids, and didn’t get a whole lot better when we grew up.  Everything with him was “Nice job your dad did dooming our people,” and “Damn, you’re a mopey, whiny little bitch” (and granted back in those days I WAS pretty emo, and I CAN’T IMAGINE WHY I WOULD HAVE BEEN KIND OF DOWN ON MYSELF AT THE TIME), and going around calling himself the “warchief” of the Bleeding Hollow clan instead of the chieftain.  So I’ve been making a point of just hanging out wherever he’s been pretty regularly, and saying stuff to him like, “So hey, you like my axe?  Yeah?  Well check it, this is Gorehowl, the blade my dad used to FUCKING ONE-SHOT MANNOROTH and lift the blood haze from the orcs, how ’bout that, huh?” and “Hey, Chieftain, remind me, who’s actually Warchief these days?  OH YEAH, SMALL WORLD!”  Cue the comically appropriate Earth Online machinima:

Good times.

But anyway, back to the original point of the post.  Earlier today, Lakkara turned up again.  Greatmother called me up to her dwelling to see her.  I have to admit, even though I knew that the smart thing was to stay skeptical until I could confirm who she was, it was pretty tough not to be shaken up by the first sight of her.  I haven’t seen my mother since I was a little kid, but those last fumes of memory stay with you…and damned if she didn’t look just like my mother, with some extra wrinkles and gray hairs added on.  Older for sure, weakened by the red pox and worn by a hard life, but damned if she didn’t look just like her.

I don’t think I was the only one who was shaken up some.  As soon as I showed up, Lakkara became pretty emotional and teared up…it took her some time to pull herself together.  Greatmother stepped outside so the two of us could have some time alone.  Mostly at first I just let her talk.  She pretty much repeated what she’d said in her letter, filled in a few more details here and there…I held back and tried to give her room to contradict herself, and listened the best I could for any holes in her story.  Nothing I could see.

Then I played my ace in the hole.  There was one time when I was a kid when I woke up burning up with fever from the pox.  But the disease wasn’t the worst part.  In my feverish sleep, I’d been having a nightmare – one of those awful, vivid dreams you wake up from and you’re still not sure if it was a dream, or real, or if you’ve really woken from it or if anything around you is real.  You know the ones?  Those dreams you have as a little kid where even when you wake up you’re still scared the dream will come get you?  Yeah.  One of those.  I had woken up, and my mother came in and sat with me, and we stayed up most of the night talking about the nightmare I’d had and the nightmare we were living and everything else in between that we could think of.

I’ve never talked to anyone else about any of this.

She remembered every detail.  Once I brought it up, she didn’t need any prompting.  No leading questions.  Nothing.  She remembered the night I was talking about, everything we’d talked about.  Most of all she remembered the dream – everything I’d told her, as if it had only been days ago rather than years.  It had stayed with her as much as it had with me.  She said my nightmare had stolen one night’s sleep from me, but dozens from her.  She said I would understand one day when I had a child of my own.

That would have been enough to convince me, but to tell you the truth, by that point I was already being won over.  Never mind what she looked like – she smelled just like my mother.  There are scents that just always stay with you, you know?  And for whatever reason I’ve always had a pretty sharp sense of smell.  Not that that’s always been a positive thing in some parts of Orgrimmar, let me tell you.  Anyway, though…the more time I spent around this woman, the more I noticed it – that smell I can’t really describe but would always recognize when she was close to me, like old parchment and dreaming glories.  Like comfort.  Like home.

It’s her.

I’m going to stay here with her for another day or two, then I’ll be getting set to bring her to see the orcs’ new home.  Obviously she’s never been through the Dark Portal, and I’m kind of looking forward to showing her around Azeroth.  I think she’s going to love Mulgore.

 

 

[Header image provided by Angelya from Revive and Rejuvenate, used here with permission and many thanks.]

The Tuskarr and the Mortimer

Posted in EPIC VERSE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 26, 2012 by Garrosh Hellscream

zeparrival

So here it is – the final installment of Garrosh’s Poetry Challenge!  Thanks to everyone who participated, whether by giving suggestions for poems, or just coming by to read the latest submissions.  And so, without further ado…

 

The sun was shining on the sea
Beneath the Borean sky;
The waves were waving to and fro,
The crests were cresting high.
And that it was a glorious day
No creature could deny.
 
To Warsong Hold a zeppelin
Brought Garrosh with his bunch.
He’d come to visit D.E.H.T.A.’s camp
And have a little lunch.
And this was strange, since most of them
He would much rather punch.
 
But he had come to humor them
And show a little class;
He figured this way it might keep
Lather-on-us off his ass.
So he’d choke down a salad
And, with luck, would not get gas.
 
So as the Warchief wandered off
To find the D.E.H.T.A base,
He left his wyvern free to fly
And soar at his own pace,
Since frankly it was just as well
He stay clear of that place.
 
So Mortimer went flying ’round
Exploring as he may,
And came upon a Kalu’ak
Outside of Unu’pe.
The Tuskarr greeted him and said,
“Hail, wyvern!  Frabjous day!”
 
The wyvern landed near; the Tuskarr
Said, “Now let us see –
I feel that in my travels
I could use some company.
So, wyvern, let me ask you,
Would you like to come with me?”
 
The friendly Mortimer just gave
A nod and then a bark;
He figured that he might as well
Go with him as a lark.
And so away from Unu’pe
The pair did disembark.
 
The Tuskarr and the Mortimer
Went strolling in a rank,
Across the Geyser Fields and past
Airstrip of Fizzlecrank
(Where Mortimer left for the gnomes
Some droppings as a prank).
 
Along the northern coast they found
A village, and therein,
A mob of mumbling Murlocs
From the tribe of Winterfin.
The Tuskarr said, “Aha!  And so
Our fun can now begin!”
 
“Hail, Murlocs!” said the Tuskarr
As the Murloc ranks increased.
“Good day!” he said; they gathered
As the village was policed.
“And since we’re friends, good Murlocs,
We’ll make you a quite fine feast!”
 
The unsuspecting Murlocs beamed.
“Tell me, have you a pot?”
And at the Tuskarr’s question
A great cauldron out was brought.
The Tuskarr set his pack down
And said, “Now, what have I got?”
 
The Tuskarr opened up his pack
And set aside his hat.
He started to unpack some herbs,
Vegetables, bacon fat.
“Now while the water boils,
Murlocs, let’s have a little chat.”
 
So Mortimer just sat nearby –
A curious scene, he thought.
The Tuskarr sliced some carrots
And tossed them into the pot.
Some onions, too, and celery,
While all of it grew hot.
 
“The time has come,” the Tuskarr said,
“To talk of many things:
Of pigs—of guns—of crab fishwives—
Of eggmen and Lich Kings,
Of countless Kael’thas setbacks,
And of why fey dragons sing.”
 
“Grr-blrrrrgll-grarrrrlllllb,” the Murlocs said;
The Tuskarr said, “Indeed!
Another fine point, Murlocs,
Oh, that I will concede.”
“Brrrr-blarrrrrbgggll,” said the Murlocs;
Mortimer paid little heed.
 
“Aha!” the Tuskarr said, “It seems
The cooking broth is done!
We’re ready to begin!”  But then
He saw he’d have no fun.
For Mortimer already, well,
Had eaten every one.
 
The Tuskarr grew so very mad
And cried, “You little twerp!”
He hardly could believe his plan
The wyvern would usurp.
And Mortimer just shrugged and then
Let out a little burp.
 
Thus concludes our charming tale
Of Murloc genocide,
Of wyvern walrus wandering
And fish-man woe betide.
A happier ending I don’t think
I ever could provide.

 

EPIC VERSE!

 

 

[Header image provided by Rioriel from Postcards From Azeroth, reproduced here with permission and many thanks.  Click here to see the souped-up Postcard version!]

Aromatic Orgrimmar

Posted in EPIC VERSE with tags , , , , , , on April 24, 2012 by Garrosh Hellscream

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Okay, so, there weren’t any suggestions for today’s installment of Garrosh’s Poetry Challenge, so instead, I went back to some of the previous posts and basically yanked together a few different ideas that I hadn’t used yet.  Hence today’s installment!  Just one left, guys — this Thursday will be the last entry in our April full o’ EPIC VERSE, so I’m counting on you all to dig down deep and give me some good options to work with!  Don’t drop the ball here, folks!  YOUR WARCHIEF HAS SPOKEN!

 

A bastion standing strong in harsh terrain,
The solitary hold of Durotar,
Where all misguided sieges fall in vain:
Behold the shining might of Orgrimmar.
The sights familiar glimmer in our eyes,
And sounds echoing in ears for all to tell,
But in the Spirit Valley, what surprise
To find the touchstone sense would be the smells.
To south, the goblin stench of industry
With Kaja’Cola undercurrents waft;
To north, the pungent herbal potpourri
That trolls with hookahs spew so very oft.
     And truly, that’s the scent that takes me back,
     To days in Northrend sniffing ’round Zul’Drak.

 

EPIC VERSE!

 

 

[Header image provided by Khizzara from Blog of the Treant, used here with permission and many thanks.]

Sweet home Nagrand

Posted in General with tags , , , , , , , , , on April 23, 2012 by Garrosh Hellscream

nagrand2

Before I forget, props to A Concerned Citizen for giving me a heads up about the naga and murlocs down in the Blasted Lands.  In fact, it’s even better than you made it out – not only do the naga have the murlocs enslaved and lugging stuff around, which would be funny enough on its own, but get this, they’re even making some of the murlocs fight each other in gladiatorial games for their scaly entertainment!  How awesome is that?  HAH!

Anymore, moving on.

I’m back home in Garadar now, checking up on that letter I got the other day, supposedly from Lakkara.  I don’t think it’s going to come as much of a shock to anyone that that one threw me for a loop, seeing as my mother was supposed to have died over twenty years ago.  And before you guys start getting worried about me, yeah, I know this whole thing looks pretty potentially sketchy, so as much as I’m hoping it’s true, I’m not going to be stupid.  The main thing is I need to check on this one way or the other.  Either it’s true and my mom is actually still alive, or somebody’s messing with me for whatever reason, and if that’s the case there’s about to be a brand new dinner reservation at the VIP table at Chateau d’Unfathomable-Never-Ending-Agonizing-Pain.

Lakkara wasn’t in Garadar when I got here, but I spent the afternoon talking with Greatmother Geyah, and she pretty much confirmed what the letter had said.  My mother really hadn’t died from the red pox way back when, but came down with a stronger, highly contagious form of it, and ended up moving off to the mountains in secret while Greatmother and a few others put out the story that she died.  Which, first of all, I’m not exactly thrilled about being lied to all these years about my mother, even if I can understand why she didn’t want people following after her.

Anyway, though, Greatmother says Lakkara turned up in the village a few weeks ago, and just like with me and probably a lot of you, it set off Greatmother’s too-good-to-be-true radar.  But based on what Greatmother’s told me, it sounds pretty legit so far.  The first thing she did when Lakkara turned up was to go off with her in private and ask her as many questions as she could come up with that only the real Lakkara would know the answers for.  She didn’t miss one.  Greatmother seems pretty convinced, and geriatric or not, she’s usually not one to be fooled easily.  (You should have seen me trying to put one over on her when I was a teenager.  THOSE were some short one-way trips down Fuck Yourself Over Lane, let me tell you.)

According to Greatmother, Lakkara left sometime last week to visit Mag’har Post in Hellfire Peninsula and see what’s happened with the rest of our people.  And she’d mentioned wanting to be able to see what’s become of some of the other parts of Draenor, so she wasn’t sure when she was planning to return.  I may stay here for a few days and see if she turns up, and in the meantime maybe try to do a little more checking around.  More soon.

Visiting Dreadmaul Hold

Posted in General with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on April 21, 2012 by Garrosh Hellscream

dreadmaulhold

So the other day I asked for suggestions for inspection stops in the Eastern Kingdoms.  The suggestions pretty much clustered – a lot of recommendations for the northern regions like Hillsbrad, Tirisfal, and the Plaguelands, and then some others for our southern outposts in the Blasted Lands and the Swamp of Sorrows.  For the time being I’m going to table the northern settlements.  For one thing, hitting all the outposts will definitely take more time than I can spare in one chunk, and also, more importantly, after this past week’s mailbag, I have some business I need to go check on in Outland, so I figure it would just make more sense to deal with the southern outposts on my way to and from the Dark Portal.

I took a mage portal down to the Dark Portal and flew up to Dreadmaul Hold.  Things are fairly well under control there, still some skirmishes with the Dreadmaul ogres but nowhere near as much as there had been when we first retook the outpost and kicked the ogres out.  But you were right, A Concerned Citizen, Warmatron Okrilla is getting a little carried away down there, first and foremost with the ogres.  Look, everybody knows I’m not exactly warm and fuzzy, and I’m not one to back away from a good war when somebody wants to go at it with me.  But that doesn’t mean you don’t try to maintain SOME sense of honor while you’re fighting your war.  And this?  Taking Dreadmaul ogres captive and forcing them to be your slave labor?  That’s just not cool.  That’s the kind of shit that the Scourge did up in Northrend, or the Twilights in all the places they cropped up in like roaches.  You don’t do that with your prisoners, with maybe the possible exception of Alliance prisoners if you happen to need a food taster…and even THAT’S not hard labor, unless maybe the food is really badly undercooked, I guess.  (And in that case the cook knows he’s going to be taken out by the rear gate and beaten around some, so we know THAT problem won’t be coming up again, will it now, Marogg?)

What’s more, I was also getting reports that Okrilla wasn’t allowing non-orcs into the outpost at all.  Turns out that was kind of an exaggeration, other Horde races are free to go there, but from what I saw when I was there, any tauren or trolls or whatever that happen by definitely get a lot cooler reception than orcs.  And so…again…I’m all for orc pride.  Totally down with that.  And yeah, I might have gotten a complaint or two about my decision to restrict Orgrimmar’s main residential areas to orcs and tauren, but here’s the difference.  That was a tactical decision about the defense of the city.  Yeah, bitch all you want about the undead or blood elves not having their own houses there anymore or whatever, but I’m still not trying to stop them from COMING to the fucking city.  Some blood elf wants to come in and do some business, see a trainer, use the portals, pick up a few assignments for jobs in the outlying zones, just hang out with some friends, whatever, great, have at it.  Unless he’s Johnny Awesome.  Then, fuck him.  But anyway.

So I ended up sitting Okrilla down and giving her a talking to about all this.  Like I said, I totally get the orc pride, and on a related note even being a little territorial about Dreadmaul Hold.  After all, it WAS our city back when it was founded as Rockard.  But I laid it out in no uncertain terms that I don’t want to be hearing about any more racial problems, because at the rate she was going it was just a matter of time before she started giving orcs and non-orcs separate vendors and flight masters and whatever else.  And as for the ogres, she wants to take prisoners, fine, take prisoners and hold them, or use them as bargaining chips to get the rest of the Dreadmaul to back down, or interrogate them for information, do what you need to do, but we’re not going to be doing any more slavery.  Hell, we orcs were kept as slave labor by the humans at one point, so if you’re going to get hung up on orc pride, then it should be a point of that pride to fucking be better than that shit.  Besides, we have ogres working with us, and the last thing I need is Draz’Zilb getting all bitchy with me.

So, there you go, that’s my day.  Freed the slaves and cut off separate-but-equal at the pass.  Go me.

I’m heading back down to the Dark Portal (and I am TOTALLY going to check on the naga and murlocs that ACC mentioned while I’m down that way).  I’ll write more from Outland once I get there.

Locks in Socks

Posted in EPIC VERSE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on April 19, 2012 by Garrosh Hellscream

warlocks

Today’s installment of Garrosh’s Poetry Challenge – as always, keep those suggestions coming for next time in the comments section!

 

Locks
Socks
Docks
Brox

Brox on docks.

Locks in socks.

Brox on locks in socks on docks.

Socks on Brox and locks on docks.

Locks in socks on Brox on docks.

Trolls with bowls smoke.
Trolls with poles poke.
Trolls with poles poke bowls till holes broke.

Trolls extol their hole poke goals and
Trolls console their souls, smoke bowls and
Troll patrols troll souls with smoke and
Troll bowl smoke soaks folk who choke.

First I’ll make a troll bowl smoke hole.
Then I’ll make a troll pole poke hole.

You can make a troll bowl smoke hole.
You can make a troll pole poke hole.

And here’s a new goal, Mr. Brox…
Socks on trolls who troll on locks.
Locks on docks steal souls from trolls and
Trolls sans souls put pox on locks.

Now we come to DoTs and HoTs, sir.
DoTs and HoTs go tick and tock, sir.
DoT go tick and HoTs go tock, sir.
Try to say this, Mr. Brox, sir.

DoTs on hawks tick.
HoTs on Brox tock.
Six sick clicks DoT
Six hawk flocks up.

Hawk flocks DoT-up
Shock stalks fel pup.
Fel pup stalks hawk flocks to hell, yup.
Hawk flocks’ yell shocks fel pup locks and
Fel pups smell up dell on walks.

Now you try it, Mr. Brox, sir.
It is time we let you talk, sir.

“Please, sir.  I don’t like this game, sir.
I am not this frigging lame, sir.
I get all the trolls and docks, sir,
Mixed up with the souls and socks, sir.
I can’t do it, Mr. Lock, sir.”

I’m so sorry, Mr. Brox, sir.

Here’s an easy game to play.
Here’s an easy thing to say…

Mean orcs.
Clean forks.
Seen forks?
Green orcs!

Green orcs eat pork meat with clean forks.
Clean orc forks beat sweet pork spleen corks.

Green orcs put clean forks in spleen meat.
Mean orcs put corks in sweet Tweet greet.

“That’s not easy, Mr. Lock, sir.”

Who limps?
Imp limps.
Sly wimp imp limps.

Who stocks sly wimp imps with limps?
Locks in socks stock imps with limps.
Wimp imp limps shock locks in socks while
Locks’ wimp imps stock box of socks.

Sly imps spy on locks in socks and
Spry imps, my, throw rocks at locks.
Limp rocks imp walks, blimp sky high! and
Wimp imp pimps for succubi.

“Hold on, hold on!  That was stretching!
Those last few have got me retching!
That last one was rather lewd, sir.
I think you are very rude, sir!”

Sorry, sorry, Mr. Brox, sir.
Let’s continue our nice talk, sir.

Chen comes.
Genn comes.
Chen’s friends, then some.
Chen brings Genn cheer.
Genn brings Chen beer.

Genn mends Chen’s cheer.
Chen blends Genn’s beer.
Chen’s blends.
Genn’s mends.
Chen-blend beer spills.
Genn-mend cheer fills.

Chen’s chums.  Genn’s glum.
Chen’s friends bend some.

Chen’s friends bend Genn’s cheer austere and
Genn’s blend tends to clear Chen’s fears.

Chen’s friends!  Ten friends!
Mend Genn!  When, Genn?
Chen’s ten friends send beer to Rend, sir.
Genn’s glum trend, forfend, the end, sir.

“My poor mouth can’t say that.  No, sir.
My poor mouth is much too slow, sir.”

Well, then…let’s relieve your lungs.
I will lift this Curse of Tongues.

Let’s have a little talk about squabblin’ goblins…

What do you know about squabblin’ goblins?  Well…

When squabblin’ goblins bicker,
It’s called squabblin’ goblin babble.

And when they babble even quicker,
It’s called squabblin’ goblin gabble babble.

AND when squabblin’ goblins babble during Scrabble in a gabble,
They call it a squabblin’ goblin Scrabble gabble babble.

AND…

When goblins squabble goblins in a Scrabble gabble babble
And the goblin gabble babble is a quibble over Scrabble,
…they call this a squabblin’ goblin Scrabble quibble gabble babble.

AND…

When the goblins have these quibbles over Scrabble when they babble and the goblins scribble gabbles over Scrabble taking “tribbles”…
…they call this a quibble babble tribble gabble squabblin’ Scrabble goblin scribble.

AND…

“Lock in socks, that’s quite enough, sir.
I won’t say this silly stuff, sir.
All this babble hurts my head, sir.
I’ll go back to being dead, sir.”

 

EPIC VERSE!

 

(Side note, by the way – I really feel like this poem, and Orc Lemon Squares from the other day, are really screaming out for illustrations.  So if any of you are artistically inclined and think you might be interested in helping to enhance your Warchief’s EPIC VERSE to its fullest potential, contact me at garrosh1337@gmail.com.  THAT IS AN ORDER.)

 

 

[Header image provided by Khizzara from Blog of the Treant, used here with permission and many thanks.]

Two for one special

Posted in EPIC VERSE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 17, 2012 by Garrosh Hellscream

lorthemar2

So, needless to say after yesterday’s mailbag, I’ve got a lot on my mind right now.  I still plan on making some inspection stops in the Eastern Kingdoms, but the timetable might be spread out a little more than it would have been, what with some other things I need to check up on.

Still, I also definitely need to check on the northern parts of the Eastern Kingdoms, and I’m probably pretty overdue to pay Sylvanas a visit in the Undercity.  So with that in mind, here’s today’s installment of Garrosh’s Poetry Challenge – two short poems today, one on who’s-his-face, the blood elf leader guy…

 

There was a blood elf named…whatever,
Who they tell me is noble and clever.
After Kael’thas went loony
And left Silvermoon, he
Installed in his place…um…whoever.

 

…and one in tribute to one of Sylvanas’…um…colorful citizens.

 

There was a man named Jeremiah
Who was a Forsaken pariah.
If someone encroaches
On selling cockroaches
They’d best pray for some kind of messiah.

 

EPIC VERSE!

Monday Mailbag

Posted in Mailbag with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 16, 2012 by Garrosh Hellscream

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Don’t forget to make your last-minute suggestions for Garrosh’s Poetry Challenge this week!  The last installment was the Sylvanas poem from Friday, so be sure to put your ideas in the comments there.  In the meantime, let’s have a look at this week’s mail…

 

Dear Warchief,

Since you’ve shown an interest in this week’s Noblegarden activities, I thought you might want to know about some rather…strange events going on around them.  Down here in Bloodhoof Village, many of us have been engaging in the traditional egg hunts.  As you probably already know, some of those eggs are magical, and when gathered they spawn several bunnies.  So fairly early on in the holiday season, the village ends up being filled with dozens of these little rabbits, hopping around all over the place and going about their business.

That much is fine, it’s part of the holiday and we don’t mind the rabbits at all.  The problem is that this year, we’re having an extra, unexpected guest whom we weren’t expecting.  A few days into Noblegarden, the forest nymph Mylune, whom I think you’ve met, showed up unannounced and…well…just started going nuts.  Not violent nuts or anything, she just saw all the bunnies and flipped.  She’s been scampering around the village hugging as many rabbits as she can herd together, talking baby talk to them, and squealing on and on every time she sees more of them.

She’s not bothering anyone, really, just minding her own bunny-hugging business, and I can’t say she’s doing any harm.  We tauren generally are on good terms with the dryads, so I don’t think we’re going to have any real trouble with her.  It’s just…really weird.  So I thought you might want to know what was happening.

–Maur Raincaller, Bloodhoof Village

Huh.  Well, Maur, as long as she’s not actually causing any real problems, this might be one that we just let sit.  Not to stick you guys with her charming company down there in Bloodhoof Village, but honestly?  After last time, I’m not going anywhere near that chick.  You should be fine, the holiday’s over now so she’ll probably go home soon enough, just make sure your newbie druids down there don’t try shifting into animal forms while she’s around.  And you might want to tell any hunters you’ve got to keep their distance if they have pets.  Oh and also, it might be a little inconvenient, I know, but you might want to give your windrider master a day or two off and just close down the flight path.  I know from experience the wyverns probably aren’t going to get a lot done while she’s around, and your flight master will probably appreciate being spared the headaches.  And possible bosom-clasp bruises.

 

Hey mon,

How come people always be makin’ a big deal about dese death knights?  I be pwnin’ dem down here in de Echo Isles ever since dey started seein’ dey trainers here.

–Bob, Echo Isles

Um, okay, first of all, idiot, there ARE no death knight trainers in the Echo Isles.  There aren’t any baby death knights running around the junior league training areas like Echo Isles or Razor Hill or whatever.  Because – NEWS FLASH, dimwit – all the death knights in the Horde are former Knights of the Ebon Blade, who were turned into death knights by Arthas back in the day, so the ONLY place they can train is in their own damn floaty city out in the Eastern Plaguelands.  Which you would KNOW if you didn’t have your head jammed so far up your ass that you don’t have any fucking idea what’s going on AROUND you.

Which brings me to my next point.  Dude, what the fuck is up with you?  Seriously.  Every few weeks I get some letter from you where you’re asking about some shit that absolutely anybody with a brain already knows, and half the time you’ve got something cringe-inducingly WRONG, so like, really, what’s your deal?  Did you just get dropped on your head like eight thousand times?  Did you, Dontrag, and Utvoch draw straws to see who got how much of the one brain you’ve got between you all, only you wound up with nothing because you lost focus and stuck your straws in your nose and started cracking yourself up making walrus noises?  Or did you put on a bear suit for who the fuck knows what reason, then made the bad decision to drop by Hyjal, and next thing you knew that aforementioned prancy head case Mylune ran up and started squeezing you till she literally made you shit your brain right out?  Because I’m really trying to figure you out, and I’m not coming up with much of anything other than something like that.

I tell you, I give Vol’jin a lot of crap, but spirits help him if this is the kind of wall-to-wall hired help he’s got to choose from down there.

 

Dear Garrosh,

I’m not quite sure how to begin, or even if you would want to hear from me.  I’m sorry that I haven’t tried to contact you until now.  I hope that in the end you’ll understand why.

When the red pox tore through our people in Nagrand, you and I were both afflicted, like most of the rest of the Mag’har.  It was probably so long ago that you barely even remember it, if you do at all.  I remember it well.  I remember how sick you became.  But I knew you would make it through.  Even then, you were strong.  You were always so strong.

Eventually the healers of Garadar began to cure our people of the red pox.  Bit by bit, our little forgotten village began to recover.  My symptoms, though, continued undiminished, no matter what our shamans did.  Worse yet, in a few cases, those who had been cured found themselves reinfected after being around me, only this time with symptoms that were far more severe, and resisted all attempts at treatment.  Almost without exception, they died.

I, on the other hand, lived on, suffering but alive, as if the pox and I were locked in a stalemate: me too strong to die, the disease too strong to fade.  The shamans decided that somehow I had become a carrier for a far more virulent strain of that hateful disease.

In time, Garadar recovered, and I was the only one left, with no end to the pox in sight.  More and more, those who came close to me found themselves infected.  And more and more quickly, those who fell infected would die.

In time I decided that I could not remain a burden to our people.  I exiled myself from the Mag’har, taking up shelter in a small hovel hidden away in the mountains near the Ancestral Grounds.  When time and illness finally took me, I thought, at least I would be close to our sacred place.  Perhaps the spirits would help guide me to the next life.

I disappeared quietly one night.  At my urging, Greatmother Geyah told the village that the pox had finally taken me.  In the eyes of Garadar, I had died.  Only a handful of the elders knew the truth.

Years passed.  The pox carried on unabated.  So did I.  All the while, I watched from afar as best I could.  I watched as the demons’ hold on our once-beautiful world waned.  I watched as the Mag’har slowly regathered themselves.  And I watched you, Garrosh.  I watched you grow up, strong as you always were, a man before your years, denied the luxury of a childhood.  And I watched you live in a self-made purgatory forged of your father’s sins.

It broke my heart.

Years more passed, and you left Draenor to pursue a new life.  A better life, I prayed.

Then, not long ago, a group of healers found me in my mountain refuge.  I did not know them, and their garments were of a make unfamiliar to me.  They were not of the Mag’har, some not even orcs.  I do not know how they knew to find me, but they claimed to have new medicines from the world the orcs had taken up as their new home.  While they could not offer a cure, they claimed they could contain the pox enough to prevent its spread.  Under their treatment, the disease would no longer be airborne, only contagious by contact.  A small comfort, but now at least, they said, the pain of the disease need not be compounded by the misery of solitude.

In time, I decided to risk revealing myself.  I returned to Garadar, to the welcoming embrace of Greatmother Geyah.

In the days since my return, she has updated me on much that has transpired in my absence.  The war, the internment, the demise of Mannoroth and the lifting of the blood haze.  But most of all she told me of you.  Strong and proud.  A hero of a faraway war, fought against the icy talons of death itself.  A leader of men, and now, Warchief of our people.

I do not wish anything from you, Garrosh.  I have decided to reach out to you now only that you might finally know the truth, and know that I am so very, very proud of you.  Do honor to our people and lead them well.  As I always have, in this life or the next, I will be watching over you.

Love always, my Garrosh,

–Lakkara, Nagrand

Um…

<blink>

<stare>

…Mom?

Go East, young orc

Posted in General with tags , , , , , , , , , , on April 15, 2012 by Garrosh Hellscream

zeppelins

This might seem a little overdue, but I’ve been thinking lately that after Zaela turned out to be doing…sort of…an iffy job keeping the Dragonmaw on task out there in the Twilight Highlands, it might be a good idea for me to start paying a few inspection visits to some of our outposts out in the Eastern Kingdoms.  Keep the field commanders on their toes, inspire the troops, all that good stuff.

Thing is, though, traveling around most places in the Eastern Kingdoms is seriously a giant pain in the ass.  Okay, we’ve got a convenient portal from Orgrimmar to Dragonmaw Port, but beyond that it gets pretty dicey.  Yeah, I could have mages open portals for me to locations over there, and I’ve been known to do that now and then in emergencies, but see, most of our committed mages here in Orgrimmar are trolls.  When there’s an actual emergency going on, or it’s urgent that I get somewhere quickly for something important, like say that time I had to take the fast track to Krom’gar in Stonetalon, they’re fine…but short of that, half the time they just take it as an occasion to fuck with me.  Portals to the wrong places, or worse yet, they’ll play portal roulette – put up three or four or five portals all right on top of each other, so I’m not sure which one I’m taking until I’ve gone through.  So yeah, it’s an option, but it’s a damn annoying one.

So other than Dragonmaw Port, pretty much anywhere else you wind up having to take a boat or a zeppelin, and I don’t exactly have a great track record with either one of those.  Plus then I have to make arrangements to bring Mortimer out there with me, because let me tell you, the flight path options out there are some slim pickings.  Not a whole lot of wyverns to choose from, and even the ones they have aren’t much of a match for the sturdy Kalimdor stock.  And beyond junior varsity wyverns?  You’ve got giant bats, which are a little short on the steady and a long on the bitey for my tastes.  And I’m sorry, there’s just no fucking way in hell you’re ever going to see me riding around on a dragonhawk.  Not least of all because most of them look like they would snap in two if I ever actually sat on them.

So, point being, if I’m going to take the trouble to go out there at all, I want to make sure I’m making the best possible use of my time.  Since many of you guys are out there fighting the good fight in the outer territories, I figured it might be helpful to check with you first – what regions of the Eastern Kingdoms do you think would benefit most from having me drop in and Warchief it up?

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