Monday (yeah, yeah, okay, Tuesday) mailbag

Apologies for running late again this week.  A Warchief’s work is never done, especially when the Warchief in question has lazy-ass minions who drag their feet about doing it.

So this week we’re hearing back from a couple correspondents who’ve turned up in the mailbag before, along with one surprise letter from an unlikely source, also from a familiar face.  Let’s get started…

 

Hello mighty warchief!

It’s your most ardent admirer herself, Uukra.

I would like to stress this: *I* am your most devout and ardent admirer, not some cupcake-eating wussie.

I bet they’re a mage and didn’t even cooked it themselves.

Besides, cupcakes will make them fat… unlike a fit, strong death knight (and certainly female!) orc like me.

Oh, and just so you know… I have been following your underwear suggestion. ;)

Your faithful fan & minion

–Uukra the Hallowed

Now see, the “certainly female” line there DOES make me worry…because if there’s one thing we’ve learned since I’ve been doing this blog, it’s that it’s TOTALLY possible for people to go online and pretend to be things they’re not!  So now this makes for a whole new worry – what if these female admirers of mine aren’t actually girls?  I suppose that might happen sometimes on the internet, right?  Or maybe that’s still kind of a stretch, I don’t know…

Anyway, as it turns out, our old friend Wega (the cupcake eater from last mailbag) managed to sneak a look at my mail somehow, and already has a few choice words in response…

 

My Dearest Warchief,

It seems that Uukra and I can agree on two things…your supreme awesomeness, and the fact that mages are wussies. The only thing more satisfying than seeing a mage crumple to the floor, is ambushing and one-shotting those D.E.H.T.A. punks.

I bet if she’s following your underwear suggestion, she also wears one of those barely-there plate bikinis that leaves her kidneys unprotected. Assuming she still HAS kidneys. Why would you want a cold, rotting thing that plays with ghouls when you could have a rogue like me? I’m not some half-orc like that tramp Garona, either.

Yours Always,

–Wega

So I’m totally with you on the mages, blinky buggers.  And the DEHTA punks.  I’m not going to get into the whole Garona thing, just because we can still use her help with Twilight’s Hammer, and let me tell you, she is SOME kind of moody.  Like if I let one thing slip that she doesn’t like the sound of, hoo boy, just moping and bitching all day, and don’t even start me on all the passive aggressive bullshit, and how genuinely one of our best fighters can also be so damn whiny and high-maintenance is totally beyond me – oh crap, wait, I’m doing it again.  She’s going to read this, and then she’ll be off to the races with the whiny.  How do I erase this again?  I can never find the right key.  Hold up, this looks like a cross-out function, maybe that can erase stuff.  SHIT THAT’S ONLY SLIGHTLY BETTER.  UGH.  SPAZZLE!

Anyway, um, on the up side, from this whole back and forth between Uukra and Wega here…well…

<gets popcorn and sits back>

Continue at will, ladies!  (Sometimes it can be good to be Warchief.  I should add this to the list.)

Speaking of getting mail from girls, though, here’s one more that came in addressed to Spazzle, but definitely deserves some attention from yours truly:

 

Spazzle,

It has come to the attention of the House of Nobles of Stormwind that the Leader of the Horde, Warchief Garrosh Hellscream has a blog on WordPress as does our esteemed Head of the Alliance, His Majesty King Varian Wrynn [epic title withheld].

As the two are notorious for despising one another, we think it would be of great entertainment if the two could somehow be played off one another.  Certainly if we make the Warchief and King aware of one another they may go ahead and link to one another’s blog anyway in efforts to defame the other.  This could be a mutually beneficial relationship.

His Majesty’s blog can be found at http://varianwrynn.wordpress.com

Warm Regards,

–The House of Nobles of Stormwind

Well consider me made aware, noble chumps!  Hah!  So Varian’s decided to start a blog too, huh?  I WONDER WHERE HE GOT THAT IDEA.  Hey, Varian, remember when you were writing in and making your snarky comments about me writing a blog?  Huh?  How’s that working out for you now?  Hahah!

Anyway, though, since he’s decided to get into the blogging world, he definitely deserves a nice warm Horde-style welcome.  So I’d definitely recommend all of you, my loyal readers and minions, drop by and say hello.  A comment on one of his posts to let him know you’re there might be good.  Tell him I sent you.

Now everyone say it with me:

Fuck you, Varian.

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2 Responses to “Monday (yeah, yeah, okay, Tuesday) mailbag”

  1. Mighty Warchief,
    This is one of your faithful warriors Schmatto in the Electric Mayhem army. I would just like to say that I sincerely wish more women would fight over me especially of the Tauren variety as you know bulls know how to make it happen. And I sincerely hope you catch the grunt that keeps letting people have access to your Mailbag. And ‘dismiss’ him from your armies.
    Your faithful servant,
    Schmatto

  2. Rrohk hunter xtreme Says:

    Greatest Warchief,

    ” A comment on one of his posts to let him know you’re there might be good. Tell him I sent you.

    Now everyone say it with me:

    Fuck you, Varian.”

    Consider the matter settled.
    Lok’tar Ogar
    Rrohk (hunter xtreme)

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