Okay, so can somebody please explain to me, what is it about these damn Forsaken that makes them completely incapable of leaving anything the fuck ALONE?
Let me backtrack. I finally got settled in at Desolation Hold, and was starting in on my debriefing with Warlord Bloodhilt, who’s turning out to be a much better hire than his predecessor, Gar’dul. I mean, Gar’dul had already shown himself to be a pretty major fuck-up, what with letting the Alliance run roughshod all over the Battlescar, and losing ground left and right…and don’t even get me started on what he let happen to Camp Taurajo on his watch. It was pretty painfully obvious that he needed to go, which is why I sent Bloodhilt down to take over, but from what I hear, Gar’dul also managed to really bomb the exit interview while he was at it.
So come to find out, after Gar’dul had been relieved of duty (you might notice, by the way, being “relieved of duty” in the Horde often involves falling from a great height – fair warning to those of you out there whose ambition might be greater than your talent), nobody bothered to dispose of the body properly. Ordinarily, of course, this would be an easy problem to fix, seeing as sooner or later somebody would be like, “Hey, check out the corpse laying in the middle of our outpost. It’s starting to smell. We should probably do something about that.” In this case, though, Desolation Hold apparently had its very own resident in-house weirdo who took it upon himself to haul the body off for his own purposes.
I’m talking, of course, about that crazy-ass undead dude named Calder Gray, who some of you might remember being kicked the hell out of Orgrimmar for his experiments. Not that he was violating any actual laws with them, even, but just, you know, eww. So somehow or other, Calder Gray got hold of Gar’dul’s body, and did a whole stitch job on him using some parts from other corpses (where he got the parts exactly, I think I’d just as soon not know…), and before you could say “It’s alive!”, whammo, reanimated semi-Gar’dul monstrosity.
So there I was in my meeting with Bloodhilt, when Gar’dul 2.0 comes staggering on in, bashing down the door and stumbling into the room. But here’s the funny part. At first, Bloodhilt and I both jump up and get ready to fight this thing, and I have to admit I was a little irritated on top of it all, because seriously how many times am I going to have to deal with an undead enemy composed of the reanimated corpse of a former Horde command officer? (Note to self: Send Dontrag and Utvoch back up to Stonetalon to make sure Krom’gar’s body is accounted for, because fucking hell.) But get this – instead of attacking us, this thing just kind of starts fluttering around the room, acting all pansy and talking with this idiotic lisp, and asking if anybody knew what had happened to “Lily,” who I guess was Gar’dul’s wife, but I’m kinda having my doubts about that one, or “Eddie,” apparently his son, although you might have to take that up with Lily, see above.
So, that just goes to show what a bad call I made with Gar’dul in the first place, seeing as even in reanimated vengeful rampaging form, he still couldn’t get his foppish ass to put up any kind of a fight. Oh well, live and learn. I’ve already had him sent back to Orgrimmar to work under Marogg as a sous chef. Probably working on pastry mostly. (Lemon squares, anyone?) Meanwhile, I’m having Calder Gray kept under surveillance now, to make sure he doesn’t get up to any more trouble.